Cast: Greg Proops, Debi Durst, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles, and Clive Anderson

Questions Only: scenes from Star Wars; all four
I'm not sure what version of Star Wars the performers were pulling their scenes from. I don't remember many those scenes in the movies I saw. And I'm sure the films I saw were rated PG-13. But the movies Ryan and Greg saw had to been rated Ryan — at least. Greg and Debi start the game together. I guess because Greg was dressed in a dark suit with a dark shirt, he immediately started playing Darth Vader complete with breathing sounds. Very effective. I'm not sure whom Debi thought she was playing or even what scene she was coming from. Her responses seemed to have no relation to what Greg was asking and eventually he was so distracted he couldn't even come out with a coherent sentence, let alone a question. Colin came in and Debi survived his first question but died miserably on his second one. Ryan came on and this is where the game became interesting, not surprisingly. Ryan's first question to Colin was simply, "Are you Yoda?" On paper, that question doesn't seem funny at all. But watching it, I found the question very funny. Colin was facing Ryan so he was sideways to the camera. The Colin's remaining hairs on the top of his head were highlighted in the stage lights. Since Colin was sideways to us, we were looking at his ear and his profile. The height difference between Ryan and Colin was quite noticeable for once. And to complete the picture, Colin was wearing a soft green shirt. So even though Colin doesn't look anything like Yoda, for that brief moment, he was the spittin' image of the little green Jedi. It was startling. Colin denied he was Yoda at first, but a few questions later admitted it. Then he asked Ryan, "Can you perform the first test?" Ryan responded with "Is that oral sex?" Typically for Colin, he didn't feel comfortable with that topic and walked off. Greg walked on. Typically for Greg, he felt comfortable with that topic and asked Ryan, "Do you want oral sex?" "Doesn't every man?" Trying to pull the questions back on subject, Greg asked, "Can't you reach out with your feelings?" Typically for Ryan, he wasn't ready to leave that topic and asked Greg, "Can I reach out with something else?" Have you seen the Questions Only played at the vet's office? Remember when Greg asked Ryan if he could use Fifi's internal organs for fondue? Remember Ryan's expression? That's the expression on Ryan's face when Greg came back with the game ending response............ "Is it long enough?"

Let's Make a Date: Greg = contestant; Debi = Popeye; Colin = knows Greg's dirty secrets; Ryan = undergoing dental treatments
Ryan popped into character as soon as he read the card. He titled his head back and opened his mouth. I have to admit; I was wondering what he was up to there. I thought maybe he'd been hypnotized or something. His dental treatment patient was a very good improv at the same time it was a good quirk to guess. I've said before (and will say again) that Ryan sometimes gets and plays quirks that aren't really guessable but this wasn't one of them. Greg guessed him easily. Colin was positively gleeful during his quirk. He would have fit in quite nicely in Monty Pythons' Nudge Nudge Wink Wink routine. "Always fast. Faster than a speeding bullet. Do you still need the scuba gear?" The words don't do justice to Colin's tone of voice, which was very knowing. Just before Colin's second round, Ryan let out this howl of pain and you can see him glance over at Colin. Clearly, Ryan was offering Colin something to play off of if he wanted to. True to his philosophy of accepting whatever he's given, Colin took the howl and smirkingly asked Greg, "Sound familiar?" Greg guessed that Colin thought Greg was a psycho sex fiend. Which is awfully close to the real quirk, so good going, Greg. Debi tried to get the whole intelligible / unintelligible muttering thing going for Popeye. Unfortunately, she leaned more to the unintelligible side of muttering. There were times when I couldn't understand what she was saying. She managed to thoroughly confuse Greg who started guessing at Ryan's end of the threesome because "Debi is perplexing and baffling me." (Which is also why I started with Ryan too.) Greg first guessed that she was either Burgess Meredith in Rocky (a very good guess, actually) or a pirate with a glandular condition. With a little hint from Clive, he was able to guess her.

Superheroes: crisis = shortage of mascara; Greg = Wonder Woman; Ryan = Bad John Wayne Impression Boy; Colin = Pants Around the Ankles Boy; Debi = Nagging Jewish Mother Woman
This was a slightly different Superheroes because for once Clive selected a "real" superhero for Greg. I'm not sure why. And even Clive admitted it was a change of pace for them. But he was sure Greg could handle the change. To which, Greg responded, "Alrighty, Mr. A." and Clive came back with "Take it away, Mr. P." I've heard Greg call Clive, Mr. A, before, but I don't recall Clive calling Greg, Mr. P. Is this a first? I loved how Greg wondered what all the drag queens would do when Wonder Woman realized that all the mascara was missing. As usual, Ryan did a wonderfully bad John Wayne. (Very similar to Nathan Lane's John Wayne in "Birdcage".) When Ryan dubbed Colin, Pants Around the Ankles Boy, Colin just stared at him and laughed slightly as he pondered what on earth he could do with that superhero name. He ended up waddling around the stage like a penguin. Meanwhile "Wonder Woman" kept commenting on his butt. When told about the mascara crisis, Colin commented "How will I mark my knees? Whatever the hell that means." I don't know what it means, either. I liked Debi's nagging Jewish mother although it was a fairly standard comic stereotype. Her solution to the crisis was extremely weak though and undercut her performance.

Animals: Ryan = cockerel; Greg = cockerel, Ryan's potential business partner; Colin = hen, Ryan's wife; Ryan takes Greg to a go-go bar not knowing Colin is about to perform
This is a game where the intro was as amusing as the game itself. Colin looked thoroughly perplexed when Clive announced that he was a go-go dancer. And by the time Clive finished explaining that Colin was also Ryan's wife, Ryan was as puzzled as Colin. Both of them standing there with these screwed up faces. I laughed. I wasn't sure what a cockerel was. Ryan wasn't either; it seems since he repeated the word, questioningly. Greg started to explain with "In our country, we..." Then Clive came in with "I think you would call them roosters." I've never heard Greg say "in our country" before. I thought it sounded odd. (Don't ask why; it just did.) The game was good. Greg and Ryan were crowing in anticipation of the best business luncheon ever. (Although Ryan's crow sounded a bit like a wolf howl for a moment.) Then Colin announced for your entertainment pleasure and strutted on. He was strutting and preening and plucking feathers like a striptease dancer. In the background, Ryan stares; his eyes widening. And Greg is cawing and crowing appreciatively. Finally, Ryan can't take it any more; stands fully erect, and crows at full voice. Colin starts clucking and waving his wings like a chicken with its pasties cut off. And Greg is properly baffled by it. Very very funny. Clive buzzes after Colin crosses the stage twice. Clive buzzed in too early, I thought. I guess he thought the guys had gone as far as they were going because no one had done anything different for a few moments. But I think he should have given them more time. I'm sure the guys would have taken the scene further. I'd have liked to have seen more.

World's Worst: TV program; all four
Ah, yes. There are some bad ideas here. Bob Breathes from Ryan. Watching paint dry from Ryan. John Majors hosting a kid's show from Greg. Cooking with Rats from Colin. (Maybe the survivors would have liked that one.) Famous Queen Waves from Colin. (I liked that one.) Now that the parents are gone, children, let's have a cigarette (from Debi). I was surprised at how long it took for the WLiiA joke to come up. I was even more surprised at the joke itself. Not because it was funny; but because it was wrong. Greg started in with his Clive impersonation. "Sadly, Ryan is the winner tonight." But Greg got the next line in the spiel wrong. The next line should have been. "And the prize for winning is to read the credits in a style of my own choosing." But Greg went right to "It just remains for me to thank" After how many years of listening to that spiel, you'd think that the words would be burned into Greg's mind by then. (I know they're burned into my mind, anyway.)

Props: Ryan and Colin; Greg and Debi
The cut game. Several people who saw this game have said that this is the game where Debi was at her funniest. I would have like to have seen this for that reason. And also because in all of her other games (except Questions Only), she mostly performed alone. A result of the games she was in. It would have been nice to see her interact with Greg especially since I'd read that they knew each other before the broadcast. But I don't think I would have traded any other game for Props. So I guess it was an okay cut.

Weird Newscasters: Greg = anchor; Ryan (co-anchor) = crazy old man; Debi (sports) = getting repeatedly massive electric shocks; Colin (weather) = desperate to catch a plane
I have said several times that Weird Newscasters is a game where the players could switch roles and the quality of the game would not suffer. This broadcast convinced me that I was right. (I won't speculate on whether or not it convinced you too.) Ryan as the crazy old co-anchor gave Greg a different dynamic to play off of. I thought Debi did well with getting the shocks; well enough, that I thought the guys shouldn't have cut her off quite so early. I liked Colin as someone desperate to catch his plane. He started his quirk earlier than Ryan normally starts the weather quirks. Colin was looking at his watch and making speed it up motions while Greg was still reacting to Ryan's "when I was a young man, we didn't use hockey sticks" rant. Greg, picking up that Colin was playing impatient, then went on to a long, lengthy, and slow introduction to the weather. When Colin finally got the weather intro, he sped through the weather and then ran off the stage. Very nice. Any thoughts that Ryan always gets weather in order to have a strong ending to the game were banished when Ryan commandeered the dialogue from Greg and started going on about women. Giving Greg one more area to play off of when he announced that he simply could not work on these conditions. The game was very funny. Dan P and company should switch the guys more often.

Moving People: Colin = female guest at the Bates Hotel (from the movie Psycho); Ryan = hotel manager / owner
The intro to this game was about as amusing as the game itself. Clive picked out a man, Alister, who went to be Ryan's person. Then Clive stepped down a step and said the woman, "I bet you thought I'd skip you." The woman clearly was not happy about being picked. And when Clive told her to go downstage, she nearly panicked. Whispering desperately to Clive, she tried to secretly convince him to pick someone else. Of course, Clive wasn't about to let her disappear quietly. "You've never seen the show before? Why'd you come along? Did you think it was going to be funnier than this? Don't worry. Go stand behind Colin. I'll come down and do it with you, Steph." (Clive lied about that last one.) Steph is the only contestant I've seen who entered the stage from the side where guys wait while playing Superheroes. Colin went over to hand her down and whispering to her. I'm sure he was trying to reassure her and explain things to her. "Don't fall for that chit-chat" — from Clive. Colin walked her back to his spot where Ryan came over to reassure Steph too. Steph's face was about as white as her platinum blond hair. Since Steph admitted she'd never seen the show, she can be excused for not moving Colin as much or as well as the game demands. I'm not sure what Alister's excuse was. Steph tended to just leave Colin alone. (Although she did take off his hat and get him to walk a few steps.) Alister tended to put Ryan in some extremely uncomfortable looking position. And then leave him there. At one point, Alister was walking Ryan in huge giant steps but only moving one leg. Forcing Ryan to move his other leg by himself just to keep from being pulled apart like a wishbone. The game was amusing but in a "gee, I feel sorry for the guys" sorta way.

Hoe-down: cricket; all four
This was the only time when I felt that Debi was truly painful to watch. Colin told a nice joke about how long it takes to play cricket. He can make love 455 times during one cricket game. Ryan sang about not liking cricket but taking a girl to the game anyway. At the end, she leaned over and grabbed his sticky wicket. Now, I don't know much about cricket, but I do know that "sticky wicket" is a phrase that originates from the game. (Despite what we Yanks think.) How a man who knows so little about the Queen's English knew about sticky wickets is beyond me. But it makes me appreciate his euphemism even more. As the four repeated, Ryan's final line, Ryan and Colin wear facing each other as they often do. You can just barely hear Ryan tell Colin "You took my line." As they're walking back to the seats, Ryan is telling Colin something but I can't make it out. I'm assuming Ryan was telling Colin about his original Hoe-down. Don't worry Greg fans. I haven't forgotten him. After the game, Clive announced that this was Greg's best verse ever. I'm inclined to agree. Greg struck a pose very reminiscent of a cricket player and never moved. In a twee voice with an accent right out of Eaton, Greg spoke rather than sung his lines. He described how he was a cricket player standing on the pitch. When the ball came towards him, he'd give it a switch. After the game, they go and have a beer. He knows what you're thinking. "And we're not." Very, very funny.

Credits: All four = bolshy old people watching TV
Ryan didn't know what bolshy meant. If he ever got an answer, I didn't hear it. I don't know what it means either. I'll leave it to you as a homework assignment to find out. The one line I remember hearing was Debi announcing she remembered when Richard Vranch had a real piano to play. In the background, Ryan had a heart attack and died. Colin feebly started pounding his chest. When Greg noticed, he told Debi that Ryan was dead. Then Colin jumped in with "I get his room!" Greg and Colin started arguing over who gets Ryan's room and Ryan wasn't even cold in the ground yet. Some friends they are.

Comments about Debi:
I've read a lot about Debi and her clothing. Beyond hearing that it looked like a softball outfit, I've never seen a description of what she looked like. So for my Comedy Central-deprived friends (and my Comedy Central-depraved friends), I'll try to describe what she wore. I'd pictured her as being in her late twenties / early thirties, petite, long brown hair, like a Caucasian Karen Maryuama. I thought her outfit would look like a 1930s / 1940s baseball uniform. You know, the white knickers with the small stripes. Very Field of Dreams-ish. Don't ask me where I got that picture from; I just had it. And boy, was I wrong. Debi was middle-aged woman of average height with short brown hair. Except there was a 2 inch wide band of hair that had been dyed a yellow-blond and encircled her head like a laurel wreath. Her shirt was an oversized blue button short-sleeve softball shirt that was over some red sweatshirt thingie with a hood. The blue outer shirts had the words "Clowns" in script on it. She wore one long earring. I thought I saw the other earlobe sparkle a couple of times, so she might have had a stud there. She had several bracelets around each wrist. And several rings on several fingers. Debi wore black shorts to her knees. Multi-colored striped tube socks. (The stripes were different on each sock. One sock had a red band at top with a blue stripe. The other sock had the colors reversed.) And of course, she was wearing modified high top tennis shoes. Her outfit was not helped by the fact that for most of the show, she was next to Greg who was looking as well dressed as I have ever seen him in a monochromatic charcoal black suit with a burgundy tie.

Fortunately for many WLiiA players, style sense is not a requirement for success on the show. So how was Debi as a performer? I'm taking the minority viewpoint here. I didn't think she was all that bad. Except for her Hoe-down, I never found myself wincing or wishing she'd disappear. I chuckled at her World's Worst, her Superheroes, and her Weird Newscasters. I don't think she was extraordinarily funny. But I'm not putting her in the all time bad class, either. I think she deserved a second try especially compared with some of the persons who did get a second try. I think given time, she might have brought a different perspective to the show.

Best Game:
I hemmed and hawed over this one. I'd pick a game and then remember another one and switch to it. But I always kept coming back to Animals. Animals is the one game that I wish had been allowed to continue longer. I think the guys were just warming up when Clive buzzed in. I'd have liked to see where they were going to go.

Overall Comments:
As for the episode as a whole..... File this one in the every WLiiA fan should see this in order to have a complete WLiiA education category. But don't use it to introduce any potential WLiiA fans to get them to like the show. You won't succeed if you use this one.

© LKK 10/01/00