Bonde Jokes 1
Q. How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One. She holds the lightbulb and the world revolves around her.
A2. Two. One to hold the can of Pepsi and one to yell, "DADDY!!!"
A3. "What's a lightbulb?"
Q. What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A. Gifted.
Q. How do blonde brain cells die?
A. Alone.
Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant.
Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A. I hope it's mine.
Q. What do blondes make best for dinner?
A. Reservations.
Q. How many blondes does it take to go ice fishing?
A. Six. Three to dig the hole in the ice, and three to push the boat through.
Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a swimming pool.
Q. How does a blonde kill a bird?
A. She throws it off a cliff.
Q. How does a blonde kill a fish?
A. She drowns it.
Q. How do you kill a one armed blonde hanging from a cliff?
A. Wave.
Q. Why did the blonde climb the chain link fence?
A. To see what was on the other side.
Q. A dumb blonde, smart blonde and Santa Claus are walking down the street. They see a 100 dollar bill. Which one picks it up?
A. The dumb blonde, because the other two don't exist.
Q. There's a blonde, brunette and redhead in 2nd grade. Which one's sexiest?
A. The blonde, because she's 16.
Q. How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?
A. She has a tampon behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.
Q. What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
A. Arificial intelligence.
Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables.
Q. Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A. To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q. Why is it good to have a blonde as a passenger?
A. So you can park in the handicap zone.
Q. How do you make a blondes eyes light up?
A. Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Q. How do you make a blondes eyes twinkle?
A. Shine a torch in her ear.
Q. How can you tell when a blonde has been using a computer?
A. There's whiteout on the screen.
Q. How can you tell if another blonde has been using the same computer?
A. There's writing over the whiteout.
Q. Why shouldn't blondes get coffee breaks?
A. It takes too long to retrain them.
Q. What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A. She didn't like it, because she couldn't get channel 9.
Q. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A. (with head moving side to side) "I don't know."
Q. How do you kill a blonde?
A. Put spikes on her shoulder pads.
Q. How do blondes pierce their ears?
A. They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q. Why don't blondes make Jello?
A. They can't figure out how to get 2 cups of water into that little box.
Q. Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A. They can't get their heads into the jar.
Q. Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A. They can't find the zipper.
A2. They can't find the pull tab.
Q. What's the mating call of a blonde?
A. I'm sooo drunk!
Q. What's the mating call of an ugly blonde?
A. (screaming) I said I'm drunk!
Q. What's the mating call of a brunette?
A. All the blondes are gone!
Q. Why do blondes drive BMW's?
A. Because they can spell it.
Q. Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In Front.
Q. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on both sides?
A. An interpreter.
Q. What do you call a blonde between 2 brunettes?
A. A mental block.
Q. What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
A. Thanks for the refill.
Q. What is it when a blonde blows in another blondes ear?
A. A data transfer.
Q. Why do blondes have more fun?
A. They are easier to keep amused.
Q. What does a blonde and a bottle have in common?
A. They're both empty from the neck up.
Q. Why did the blonde dance at the traffic light?
A. She thought she was in a disco.
Q. What's the difference between a smart blonde and Elvis?
A. Elvis has been sighted.
Q. How are smart blondes and UFOs alike?
A. You keep hearing about them, but you never see one.
Q. How long did it take the blonde to make Minute rice?
A. An hour.
Q. What did the blonde say after going to the ballet?
A. "If they hired taller girls, then those ones wouldn't have to tip toe the whole time."
Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A. Full.
Q. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A. Blow in her ear.
Q. How do you know if she rejects her brain transplant?
A. She sneezes.
Q. What does 'Bones' McCoy say when doing a brain transplant on a blonde?
A. "Space, the final frontier..."
Q. What can strike a blonde with out her knowing it?
A. A thought.
Q. How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A. One to stand in the bathtub of water, and one to hand her the blowdryer.
Q. How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A. One.
Q. Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
A. It's easier to spell.
Q. Why aren't blondes allowed to swim in the ocean?
A. It's too hard to get the smell out of the tuna.
Q. What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet?
A. Last years hide and seek champion.
Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A. You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
Q. What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel?
A. An air bag.
Q. What does a blonde say when you ask a blonde if her turn signal's on?
A. "It's on, it's off, it's on, it's off, it's on....."
Q. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A. To turn off the turn signal.
Q. What do you call a blonde in an institute of higher learning?
A. A visitor.
Q. What happened to the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
A. It finally dawned on her.
Two blondes were going to Disneyland on vacation. They saw a sign that said 'Disneyland left' so they
turned around and went home.
A blonde was driving along and saw a sign that said 'Clean Restrooms Next 8 Miles.' By the time she'd driven
8 miles she'd cleaned 43 restrooms.
A blonde was drving the wrong way down a one way street, when she got pulled over by a cop.
Officer:"Do you know where you're going miss?"
Blonde:"I'm not sure, but it must be bad, because everyone's leaving."
Q. What did the blonde guy say when his wife was pregnant with twins?
A. "I wonder who the other guy is..."
Q. What do you call a redhead?
A. A blonde from hell.
A blonde, brunette and redhead are all stranded on a desert island 20 miles from shore.
They decide to try to swim back, so the brunette starts. She swims about 5 miles, and then gets tired. She
keeps going and drowns at 10 miles. Then the redhead goes out and makes it farther than the brunette. She
doesn't get tired until she gets to 10 miles, but then drowns at 15. The blonde decides to try it, so she swims
all the way out to 19 miles. Then she gets tired, so she swims all the way back.
2 blondes are walking through the woods one day when they see some tracks. The first blonde claims
they look like wolf tracks, but the other is convinced they're deer tracks. The 2 blondes sit and
argue over it, until a train came and killed them.
2 blondes were in a parking lot. They were locked out of their car, and were trying to get it unlocked.
It started to rain, so one blonde said to the other, "We better hurry, the top's down and the upholstery is gettting wet!"
One day a blonde was walking along. She looked up with her mouth open. All of a sudden a bird flew by and did it's thing, hitting her in
the face. The blonde stops for a moment thinking, then says,"It's a good thing cows don't fly."
Q. What is a blonde's response to the phrase "Think about it?"
A. "I don't have to think, I'm a blonde."
Q. What do you call a blonde mother in law?
A. An air bag.
Q. Why don't blondes get jobs working in elevators?
A. They don't know the route.
2 brunettes and a blonde go into a bar.
Brunette1: I'd like a BC.
Bartender: What's that?
Brunette1: A bourbon and a coke.
Brunette2: I'd like a GT.
Bartender: What's that?
Brunette2: A Gin and a Tonic.
Blonde: I'd like a 15.
Bartender: What's that?
Blonde: A 7 and 7.
Q. What did the blonde say when she broke the priceless Ming vase?
A. "It's o.k. Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q. How do blondes get pregnant?
A. And I thought blondes were dumb!
Q. What is the definition of a perfect blonde?
A. 3 feet tall with a flat head to put your drink on.
Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for french fries.
Q. How do blondes write mysteries?
A. With a checkbook.
Q. How can you tell if a blonde has sent you a fax?
A. There's a stamp on it.
Q. How do you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A. If she gets the Pop Tart out of the toaster in one piece.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde with P.M.S. and a pitbull?
A. Lipstick.
Q. Why do men like blonde jokes?
A. Because they can understand them.
Q. Why do blondes like lightning?
A. They think someone is taking their picture.
Q. Why do blondes have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A. (finger on chin) "I don't know." (smack forehead) "Oh I get it!"
Q. Why do blondes have holes all over their face?
A. From trying to eat with a fork.
Q. Why don't blondes double recipes?
A. The oven doesn't go higher than 700 degrees.
Q. Why do blondes not make good pharmacists?
A. They end up breaking the bottles trying to put them in the typewriter.
Q. Why can't blondes dial 911?
A. They can't remember the number.
Q. What do you call 5 blondes at the bottom a pool?
A. Air bubbles.
Q. What do you call 4 blondes lying side by side on the ground?
A. An air mattress.
Q. What does a blonde owl say?
A. What what?
Q. Why did they have to stop doing the 'wave' at football games?
A. The blondes kept drowning.
Q. Why did the blonde want to become a vetrinarian?
A. She loved kids.
Q. What are the worst 6 years of a blonde's life?
A. 3rd grade.
Q. What's the definition of gross ignorance?
A. 144 blondes.
Q. Why is a blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A. It swells at night.
Q. Why is it o.k. for a blonde to catch cold?
A. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
A lady had a painting contractor come to her house to tell him what colors she wanted to paint her rooms.
In the first room she told him she wanted to paint the walls light blue. The contractor nodded then said, "Just a moment." He
then leaned out a window and yelled, "Green side up!" Then they moved on to the next room. The lady told
him she wanted to paint the walls beige. He nodded and then leaned out a window and yelled, "Green side up!" They moved on to
the next room. The lady told him she wanted it painted a rose color. He nodded, then leaned out the window and yelled,
"Green side up!" The lady was very curious, so she asked him what he was doing. His reply was, "Sorry, I have a group of
blondes laying sod across the street."
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if
she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to
catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains"I ask you a
question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some
sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says,"Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the
answer, I will pay you $50!", figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's
attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches
in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What
goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop
computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of
Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes
the blonde and hands her$50.The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more
than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks,"Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her
purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
A blonde is walking down a creek. While she's looking around she notices another blonde walking along the other side of the creek. She
yells to the other blonde. "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" The other blonde replies, "You are on the other side!"
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