Blonde Jokes Page 2
A blonde walks into a bar and says "Ouch!" A brunette walks by and says, "That's
o.k. I didn't see it either."
Q. What does a blonde owl say?
A. What, what?
Q. What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt?
A. A brain tumor.
Q. What's a blonde's cheer?
A. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....um...oh well, I'm blonde, YEA!!!
Q. Why did the blonde have tread marks on her back?
A. From crawling across the street when the sign said "Don't Walk."
Q. Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in the back seat?
A. In case she locks her keys in her car.
Q. Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
A. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch on the side of the road?
A. To turn off the blinker.
Q. Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A. She didn't want her hair blown around too much.
Q. Why was the blonde so excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 3 months?
A. Because the box said 2 to 4 years.
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q. Why does it work?
A. "Does 3 go before E or does it go between M and W?"
Q. Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A. She wanted to know how to cook food stamps.
Q. What happened when the blonde went skydiving?
A. She missed the earth.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A. About 2 and a half cans of hair spray.
Q. Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A. A vegetable garden.
Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped and fell down the drain.
Q. What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A. "Look! Donut seeds!"
Q. What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A. Spot.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So brunettes can remember them.
Q. Why can't blondes put in lightbulbs?
A. They keep smashing them with the hammer.
Q. What happened to the blonde coyote?
A. She got caught in a trap, chewed off 3 legs and still was stuck.
Q. When is it legal to shoot a blonde's head?
A. When you've got a pump handy to reinflate it.
Q. What's a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A. The air pump.
Q. Why was the blonde mad when she got her driver's license?
A. She got an F in sex.
Q. Did you hear abou the blonde that shot an arrow into the air?
A. She missed.
Q. What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A. A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q. Why are there lipstick stains on the steering wheel?
A. Because she likes to blow the horn.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A. She kept having affairs with men.
Q. What is long and hard to a blonde?
A. 4th grade.
Q. Why did the blonde couple die at the drive in?
A. They went to see "Closed For Winter."
A blonde walks down the street holding a pig. A guy sees her and asks, "Where did
you get that?" The pig answers, "I won her in a raffle."
A blonde orders a pizza and the guy asks her if she wants it cut in 6 or 8 pieces. She answers,
"6 please, I could never eat 8."
Q. What did the blonde do when she found out that 90% of accident occur in the home?
A. She moved.
Q. What's 5 miles long and has an IQ of 40?
A. A blonde parade.
A blonde decides to dye her hair brunette one day. She is driving along and sees a
field of sheep and a shepherd. She gets out of her car and says to the shepherd, "If I can
guess the exact number of sheep you have, can I have one?" The shepherd agrees and the blonde
guesses 252. The shepherd says, "That's amazing, you're exactly right. I'll keep to my end of the
deal, and you can go pick out a sheep." The blonde walks out and picks the cutest, softest sheep
she can find, and starts to carry it to her car. The shepherd stops her and says, "If I can guess
your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
A blonde goes into an electronic store one day and asks the salesman if she can buy the mini T.V. that's on display.
He says, "I'm sorry. We don't sell to dumb blondes." So she leaves and comes back the next day wearing a brunette
wig. She asks the same salesman if she can buy the mini T.V. that's on display. He says, "I'm sorry. We don't
sell to dumb blondes." The next day, she tries one more time wearing a red wig. She asks the same salesman and gets
the same reply. So she takes off her wig and asks, "How did you always know that I was a blonde?" The salesman replied,
"Because that's not a mini T.V. That's a microwave."
2 blondes were driving in a car when they see another blonde in the middle of a grassy field, rowing a boat, and getting
obviously nowhere. The blonde in the passenger seat turns to the driver and says, "It's blondes like that who give
all blondes a bad name. If I could swim I'd go right out there and tell her that."
One night a blonde meets 2 robbers running from the police. They tell her to hide, so that she won't give them away. Each
of them climb a different tree. The police come up and look into the first robber's tree. They can't tell what's up there, so
the first robber says,"Tweet, tweet." So they move on to the next robber's tree. They can't tell what's up there, so the robber
says,"Meow." So they move on to the blonde's tree. They can't tell what's up there, so the blonde says, "Moo."
Q. What do you call an eternity?
A. Four blondes in four cars at a four-way stop.
Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
A. Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches every part of her
body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my
arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!" The doctor asks, "Where you
ever a Blonde?" "Yes I was." she replies. "why do you ask?" The doctor answers,
"because your finger is broken!"
A Blonde and a brunnette were walking outside when the brunnette
said, "Oh look at the dead bird." The Blonde looked skyward and said,
"Where, where?"
brunnette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to
rail, saying "21" "21" "21"
A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts
jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21"
Suddenly, the brunnette hears a train whistle and jumps off the tracks
just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place. The Brunnette goes back
to jumping from rail to rail , counting "22" "22" "22"
Q. Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a
regular one?
A. You have to hollow out the head.
A Blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a
coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She
returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps
feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and wtahces her
antics for a few minutes before stopping and asking if someone else could have
a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face, "Can't you see I'm
winning?!"
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is
having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day
she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She
grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed,
begging and pleading with not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde
responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
Q. Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A. It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
Q. What happenned to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
A. They drowned in Spring Training.
Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A."Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
A blonde, brunette and redhead all work for the same woman. Each day their boss leaves early.
She never checks on them, so one day they all decide to leave early too, once their boss is gone.
The brunette goes home and takes a nice long bath. The redhead goes out and sees a movie. The blonde
goes home to find her husband. As she walked into their bedroom, she sees her boss in bed with her husband.
Before they see her she quickly leaves. The next day at work, the three women were talking about what they did
after leaving early. When it was the blonde's turn, she said, "I don't think we should leave early like that again.
I almost got caught."
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put her in a circular room, and tell her to find the corner.
Q2. How does a blonde confuse you?
A. Tells you she found one.
Q. If a dumb blonde, smart blonde, and Santa Claus jumped off a bridge, which one would make the biggest splash?
A. The dumb blonde, because the other two don't exist.
A beautiful woman boarded a jet and took a seat in the first class section. The flight attendant checked her
ticket and said "You're in the wrong section. This ticket is for coach. You'll have to move." The woman
replied, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Miami." The attendant called for the captain who checked
her ticket and also told her she had to move and again she replied,"I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going to
Miami." After some thought, the captain whispered into her ear and the woman got up and moved back to
coach. "Captain, what did you say to get her to move?" asked the flight attendant. Captain replied, "I told
her that the first class section doesn't land in Miami."
Q. What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A. To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q. Why did the blonde wear a ski parka and a raincoat while painting her dining room?
A. The can said "for best result use 2 coats."
Q. Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A. They always forget the recipe.
Q. How do you get a blonde to climb onto the roof?
A. Tell her drinks are on the house.
Q. Why did 18 blondes go to the R-rated movie?
A. They heard that under 17 wouldn't be admitted.
One day a blonde went to a sea food resturant and saw the tank where they
kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hide them in her purse.
Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.
A blonde walked into a novelty store. She saw a shiny thermos and asked the clerk what it was. The clerk said, "It's a thermos.
It keeps cold things cold and hot things hot." The blonde was so impressed, she bought one. She got home, and could not wait
to show off her new thermos to her co- workers. She walked into work that day. It was not long before one of her peers asked
what that shiny thing was. The blond said, "It's a thermos. It keeps cold things cold and hot things hot." Her co-worker asked,
"Well, what do you have in it now?" The blond proudly said, "A Popsicle and two cups of coffee."
Three women were about to be executed. One was a brunette, one a redhead, and the other a blonde. The guard brought the
first woman, the brunette, forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests. She said no and the executioner
shouted.....Ready.....Aim..... and suddenly the brunette yelled, "EARTHQUAKE!"
Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped. So they brought up the redhead and asked if she had any last
requests.
She said no, and the executioner shouted....Ready...Aim...... and suddenly the redhead yelled..... "TORNADO!" Everyone was
startled and looked around. She escaped.
Well, by now, the blonde had it all figured out. They brought her forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests.
She said no and the executioner shouted ....Ready....Aim...!! and the blonde yelled, "FIRE!"
Q. What did the blonde get on her college entrance exam?
A. Nail Polish.
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