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XTC’s 1st show and why I think I have more in common with Mick Foley than I thought I did. – This was a crazy day all the way around. There were some personal legal matters that involved a lawyer and us talking that I thought would take the majority of the day to finish. Which in turn would screw up the timetable I had set for that day. I had to pick up Def Jam Vendetta (I was really hoping Ja Rule would be a hidden character so I could proceed in beating for all the ass music for the past 2 years plus. Just like I did Fred Durst when I unlocked him on Smackdown 3. Hours of entertainment.) Then pick up a new cell phone. I had a packed day. The meeting was actually 2 hours shorter than I thought it would be. So I had plenty of time to play Def Jam. Too much time I didn’t get the phone until the next day. By the way if you haven’t already go pick up that game. It uses the old WWF N64 engine and lots of pictures of hot REAL girls on the game. So on the way to the show CO Hustler, my Cactus Jack (Ill explain later.) and Tommy Chill and I all rode down together. We made sure to get lost. Its tradition to do that when you roll with Chill. Actually this time (This time.) wasn’t due to the fact of once again cities outside of Columbus, Ohio thinking its ok NOT to mark the roads. Cause we all know its not possible that someone might be passing through to get somewhere and aren’t a local. We stopped at a gas station to restock and get pointed in the right direction. Some girl came in and helped us with directions. I was amazed to see such a good-looking girl that close to the Kentucky –Not that there isn’t good-looking women in KY. I just don’t know any of them.—She also informed us that if we continued going the route we were we would end up in West Virginia. Hustler was quick to point out that we weren’t trying to go there. Some random bumpkin chimed in “Hey there ain’t nothing wrong with West Virginia.” (Making me commit mad grammatical errors just writing that sentence.) Hustler’s reply: “Not saying there is, we just ain’t trying to go there.” Also making me commit even more errors. So I kicked him in his yambag and told him to get his bitchass in the car and told him that if I wanted to hear an asshole talk I would have farted already. I then punked out the Random Bumpkin and gave him an eye gouge. ANYWAY, once outside the really good-looking girl lost some major cool points by showing us how country she really was and shouted “BUBBA!” in rejoice as she say apparently an old friend she had seen in awhile. The accent came on strong. “Bubba” apparently wasn’t really a Bubba and wasn’t too fond of being called Bubba either as he walked away looking ashamed. After about half-hour or so of driving we realized something. This show was taking place way too close to Lucasville. For those of you not in the know about Lucasville, let me enlighten you: Lucasville, OH is this really small little town in Southern Ohio. Lucasville is famous throughout Ohio for one thing. The Lucasville Correctional Institute of Higher Learning. Ok, the Higher Learning thing isn’t true but you gotta admit its pretty damn funny. That’s right. This small little town is known for having a rather large jail there. Some places are famous for factories, or colleges. Hell even a big ass rock. This place has the honor of being known for a prison er, “Correctional Institute.” Apparently it was dirt cheap to build it. I guess a factory or a moving a big ass rock there would have been over the budget or something. I think in 1993 a riot kicked off. A prison guard was killed and it went downhill from there. The place was under siege. The inmates were literally running the asylum for like a week. It was a scary thing. I lived a good 200 some miles from the place but, it still worried me. It was like something out of bad Steven Segal movie. Like that piece of crap Half Past Dead (Which oddly enough stars…Ja Rule!) or so I hear. I refuse to watch it. Eventually the whole thing was resolved with a mediator and a nice 3 hour talk with subs and drinks supplied by Subway (Eat Fresh!) …that’s a lie. 7 prisoners were killed in the end. And to round off that nice bit of dreadful information here is some more. Some white girl I dated…who oddly enough was the same female that I blame for starting all the negative stuff between Trevor Lowe and myself has a prejudice father who was a guard there at the time. Crazy bitch. With that information in our skulls we all decided that we need to get to this show, do it, then go straight the fuck back to Columbus. After trying to figure out what building was the building we needed to be at (2 schools basically built less than 200 yards apart on the same stretch of land. No big signs or anything. Once in I had to decipher which girls were too young for me to look at and which one was strictly off limits. Being single has its advantages. Not that was one of them…but, it sounded good at the time. The turnout wasn’t that great BUT, I did see the greatest thing a promoter/wrestler do. The promoter of the show was first out he lost the match, set up an angle for later for some other people and was done for the night. Amazing. None of that Kevin Nash I am gonna book myself in the main angle squash everyone, no sell the offense and win it all. That showed me a lot. In all my years in the business it was probably the first time I seen that happen. Could very well be the last too. Well this match was for the final spot in a tag tournament finals(Which I guess is suppose to happen at the next XTC show if there is one. Which I would be all for.) This match also began a series of events that are now spiraling out of control. First I bastardize my gimmick. I had to team with CO Hustler (Who had been making me think I had a 3rd nut considering how much he was asking me about bookings. Damn High yellow black people.) We were in the air about tag names. I suggested the ABMs AKA the Angry Black Men. (Yeah I know. He is really high yellow.) as little joke. That and cause on one of my EWR games that’s my tag name with Caprice Coleman from NWA: Wildside. I then suggested more seriously the catchy name of ”Mad For No Reason.” Which at first is dumb sounding…but, look at how the name of The Spanish Announce Team got those 2 Spanish guys. Doesn’t look so funny now does it? Somehow it became agreed upon that we would be the Angry Black Men. Thus allowing my “super heel” gimmick that I had been working on and perfecting for over a year, it was now a 2-man gimmick. That really is me pissing on my own gimmick. Cause I got all crazy about how Tazz literally turning the ZT gimmick into a 1-man gimmick which can’t work. He proved it. Here I am willingly letting Hustler dip into it. Is that good or bad? The match is a 4 team elimination with Trik Nasty & Chance “I have hair now so I am less evil” Prophet. Tank Runyon & Max Power, and finally Deacon & Cecil Furious (Some guys from XMCW in WV.) Trik and Chance are the first out as they both went after some manager that turned on their boy earlier. Trik came back to beat the count out. Trik then proceeded to get his ass handed to him by everybody in the match. I think the ref got some stuff off too. Tank hit his finisher, and was blind tagged by me and I hit Trik with my Kass Krash Flatliner thingie for the win (This move will often be referred to as The Flatliner occasionally. So pay attention.) Which almost didn’t happen cause Hustler had me doing something that had me holding him back from attacking the crowd and yelling at them. Chance finally came out and the 2 started acting like a married couple. Arguing, giving each other looks, name calling, and each withholding sex from each other. Those Furious guys were next. Not much to say about that…well there was. Tank kept calling out spots for the greener one. Who was really green. He got lost when Tank did this. I see Tank laughing his ass off as I am getting abused by a green guy who seems really, really lost. So I did what any vet would have done. I gave him an eye gouge, and tagged in Tank. Tank & Max continued their feud from an another promotion, and eventually started acting like a married couple also. There were apparently no willing tag teams in this match up folks. Tank took me out with a devastating big boot to the umm not really my abdomen but slightly higher. I pretended I was hurt as the ref checked on me. Tank held Hustler to take him out with a shot with a random title (I guess it was the reason why Tank & Max were acting like a married couple.) Hustler moved and Tank got smizzashed with the title. I then gave him Tommy Chill’s favorite move the ROLLUP OF DOOM! With the feet on the rope as well may I add. The top rope to boot! Hustler oversells the beating, and what was obviously symbolic. I helped carry Hustler to the back as he dragged me down and was dead weight the whole time. There was a Royal Rumble type thing later. But before I get to that I have to say there was a major mark moment for me when I seen Eric Darkstorm’s finisher he calls The Perfect Circle. I can’t describe this move. But needless to say after seeing it Darkstorm will be getting a monster push in EWR! I slapped a downed Chance Prophet in a modified Caine’s Lullaby, and Hustler seeing me grabbed a leg or something and applied a hold to Chance also! It got a nice pop. Chill apparently was being jealous of my success again and lumbered over and dropped a stiff elbow on me. What are best friends for right? I later slapped a Kassmission or a Tajahiajameyrekrjherhebfhd-ueroehbms or however you spell it. Chance literally “Hulked Up” and powered out. I had to lay my face on his back to cover up how much I was laughing. Chance eventually won the whole thing. There it was the end of the run of the tag team known as the Angry Black Men…ha. Well, it’s not that easy. I am sure you guys have surely read Have A Nice Day, Mick Foley’s autobiography. Lord knows if you are reading this site you have had to read that. Anyway in the book talks about how the name Cactus Jack was only suppose to do 1 show, and he would pick up a better name and a “better” gimmick. The name and gimmick ended up sticking around for pretty much the whole career of Foley’s. Well this tag team thing is slowly becoming that. I told Hustler his new name is Foley. Since that show we have been offered spots from guys that work in 2 different promotions that worked on that same show. They think we had good chemistry. About 85-90% of working the crowd was Hustler. I mostly followed his lead. I think I was more concerned with not landing on the back of my head where the staples were, which was still tender as well. After all this time I spent burying Hustler in my updates…I am now forced to be his tag partner. Why do The Wrestling Gods shun me so?
The House of a 1,000 Craps. The streak of catching the most awful movies coming out, largely in part thanks to my friend Dave that has a penchant for picking the most God Awful movies playing and wanting to see them…and then dragging me along. What is a little emotion scarring without bringing your friend along right? So I made Tommy Chill come too. Cause I am a dick. Well, Dave was all geeked up about seeing Rob Zombie’s movie House of A 1,000 Corpses. We saw the preview for it before Willard. And Dave hasn’t stupid talking about it since. I tried to forget about it. I wasn’t impressed, and it is not my kinda movie. Horror films have been stupid since the 1st Nightmare on Elm St., all downhill since then. I don’t even get them. Like Troll, what the hell was that about? Or House. All 80’s horror movies were mostly 1 word titled and really ass. Then soon the movies became parodies of themselves. Friday the 13th just became unwatchable. Nightmare was about how many bad one liners Freddy could fire off before killing his prey in a non bloody/gory way. It was all over the top. Thus I stopped watching. The buzz was this movie was all gory and the original studio wouldn’t release it. Zombie then brought it back and found an another studio to release it. It’s a low run movie. You can’t get just anywhere to see it. There is a reason for it. It sucks more than a Chris Cruit v. E-Dog match for the World Title. Yeah like that will ever happen….ummm…. Never mind…bad analogy. That is a whole different/column. Aside from the random tits (Mostly dead tits, which made me wonder. Does that make me a necrophiliaic since it was the best part about the movie?), the gratituious blood and violence, and the fact that Rob Zombie sung the old 70’s song that played during the credits and respected it (i.e. Not turn it into some hard rock wannabe song.). it’s not worth it. It’s like a really long uncensored Rob Zombie video. The problem with that is a 3-5 minute long video doesn’t necessarily have to make sense. A 2 hour movie should. I fell asleep during part of it. Dave swore he seen my leg jump at a scene. As if I was paying attention to the movie. It was probably my allergic reaction I get to really shitty movies I have to pay for. There is a cool scene where the Rob Zombie looking weirdo killed a cop. Did I mention that the movie was suppose to have happen in 77? Too bad like 3 people were wearing the cute little 2000 cowboy hat that Trish Stratus is known for. Well that is all I got. I am out.
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