I am going to be brief because we have a lot of people who want to speak on William Bennett's behalf. But let me tell you what William Bennett means to me. In the 60's and 70's a lot of soul searching took place. Inside the Beltway, people began questioning the morality of their everyday actions. A lot of them came to grips with the realization that the bulk of what is done in Washington is of dubious merit to the taxpayer. Many of them came to the conclusion that there was no higher purpose to the lion's share of programs that this town produced. They concluded that funding was performed to benefit the funded. They accurately observed that revenues were collected to benefit the revenuers. They saw that there was no higher purpose to this place. They realized that the violation of the Commandment "Thou shalt not steal" was the sum of this city's actions.
And in this era of hyperactive conscience, church attendance dwindled and collections plummeted. Congregations grew cynical at the Church's unwillingness to address the matter of unbridled plunder. It was a bad time to be a priest. In the 70's I drove an old Valiant. In the 80's I drove a series of K-cars, a Monza, a Geo and a Yugo. That would change in the 90's.
Behold the essence of William Bennett. Has there ever been a more definitive study of smug self-righteousness? Has there ever been a clearer picture of a stilled conscience? Has there ever been a more adept manipulator of utilitarian calculus? Has there ever been a better example of a life dedicated to moral relativism?
As I struggled to bring back the wayward souls, I often encountered people who were put-off not with the benign fleecing of the taxpayer but with the blatant wrongdoing committed with their tax dollars. Third World land mines and napalmed children and the oppression of minorities seemed to annoy some people and the refusal of the Church to address these matters resulted in a fallout of attendance.
And collections! Sometimes I was able to apply utilitarian calculus to help them see that the benefit of the righteous is more important than the benefit of the non-righteous. But often my words fell on deaf ears not unlike the seed that fell on rocky ground.
Then William Bennett started appearing on television. And he ushered in a new era of moral relativism. He boldly sold the idea that certain actions, if performed by individuals would be considered criminal. Yet these very same actions could be performed by the government and would be deemed honorable. They would even be deemed virtuous. [This comment brought a restless cheer from the Virtue Keepers.] There is no moral basis for the enforcement of consensual crimes. We know that. But William Bennett took moral relativism to new heights. Not only had the persecution and plunder of drug users been performed without question, but under William Bennett's leadership the plunder from drug user's family and friends and acquaintances had been deemed virtuous.
And it was then that aging pilgrims were able to calm their restless consciences and they were able to buy into moral relativism and return to the Church in record numbers. And collections soared and in 1991 I was able to purchase my first new Buick. And I have purchased a new Buick every year since then and I thank William Bennett for my prosperity.
So what lessons have we learned from the life of William Bennett? The lessons are innumerable but I will reiterate three. One, quiet your over-active conscience. Either by chronic blather or unending recitations of self-praise, refuse to let your conscience blind you from moral obligation to fund Buick purchases.
Two, use utilitarianism when it's to use your advantage. And three, boldly embrace the principles of moral relativism. Follow these lessons from the life of William Bennett and someday-I will drive a Cadillac! Go forth now and be like Bennett in thought, word and deed. Thanks be to God.
Home
The Death of Virtue
The Funeral of William Bennett
Eulogies for William Bennett
The Bennett Chapaquiddick
Death by Conan
Next issue of Untimely Death
Links
