N. Gin: (picks up the transceiver) Are you alright?
Brio: (picks up the transceiver) Never felt better!
But suddenly, from behind them, came a stronger fighter plane. It immediately shot missiles at both of them…
N. Gin: Hang on – we’ve got more trouble he…
(Music stops)
But it was too late – Both fighter planes were destroyed.
Pilot: There go those two weaklings…
(Music changes – Bob Sinclar – “Gym And Tonic”)
But suddenly, there was an attack from behind…
Pilot: OW! Who did that?
From behind was another fighter plane, the pilot being… Pinstripe! And Brio and N. Gin were safe inside!
N. Gin: Nice shooting!
Brio: Yes, but I’m still c-confused. You had a burn to fuss about, right?
Pinstripe: Yeah.
Brio: So how come you’re fit enough to f-f-f-fight?
Pinstripe: Look, mate – what’s more important – a burn or the planet?
N. Gin and Brio: The planet.
Pinstripe: And that was exactly what I was thinking. Now let’s go inside and destroy that core.
*************************************************************
Episode 31 – Low On Power
Scene: 50 metres from Tiko’s airship
Music: Lit – “Over My Head” (Instrumental)
Pinstripe, N. Gin and Dr. Brio were about to take action…
Pinstripe: Remember what I said – we go in, destroy the core and come out.
Brio: Who knows where the c-c-core would be…
N. Gin: I do – It’s in the South Wing.
Pinstripe: The south wing, eh? Oh damn… wrong turn!
The plane diverted back and headed for the south wing of the plane.
Pinstripe: Thar blows our target! (turns to Brio and N. Gin) Get ready to take action, guys!
Brio: (getting out a laser) Okay!
N. Gin: (getting out a zapper) Yes, sir!
The plane got inside the craft and headed towards the core…
Pinstripe: Okay, we’re almost there…
But little did they know that they had trouble…
Brio: (starts opening a window) Uh-oh – Something’s wrong in the fuel department. We aren’t going to make it!
Pinstripe: Yes we will! Look… er… You’re right – we only have under a galleon of fuel left. Can this be enough?
N. Gin: (starts opening another window) I don’t know… I don’t have that much experience with planes…
Pinstripe: Well, we’ll have to try!
The gang fired right at the core and was smashed to smithereens…
Pinstripe: We did it! Now’s the case of getting outta here!
N. Gin: Why?
Pinstripe: Because of the blast the whole airship is coming apart!
The gang start panicking.
Brio: And we only have a q-q-q-quarter of a galleon left!
Pinstripe: (whines) Oh, it’s not enough!
The plane tries to fly out, but the plane ran out of steam…
N. Gin: Hold on, we’re gonna crash!
The plane touched the floor and skidded towards the exit at 30mph… then at 20… then at 10…
Pinstripe: We’re not gonna make it!
N. Gin: Oh yes we are!
(Music stops)
And N. Gin was right – The plane left the ship just in time, and right behind them came the blast. The airship was destroyed.
MEANWHILE, INSIDE THE CORRIDORS OF CORTEX CASTLE
The robots were losing power…
Coco: What’s going on?
Polar: Looks like they’re dying out!
Deksta: Oh no…
Pura: Well, prepare to be blasted into next week! Take it away, Rilla!
Rilla punched Deksta right out of the building.
Deksta: I hope my brother does better than this… (fades)
MEANWHILE, ROUND THE BACK
Tiny: What happening to robots?
Dingodile: They’re… malfunctioning!
Boron: (checks for life by kicking one of the droids, but the robot didn’t move) YEAH!
Kong: That WAS a close call!
Joe: Let’sssssss hear it! Hip hip…
Rest of the gang: HOORAY!
MEANWHILE, AT THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Music restarts – Hi-Gate – “Pitchin”)
Work wasn’t through with Tiko – the Zewper Slayian 5000 remained as it was. Cortex dodged the missiles with all his might, as Crash nearly finished recovery…
Tiko: Identify target!
The robot took sharp aim and shot at Cortex…
Crash: (gasps) HANG ON, DOC!
(Music stops)
But it was too late – He was struck down by the missile, looking unconscious. Crash rushed towards him…
Crash: (shakes him) Please… speak to me!
No response. Crash placed his ear to his heart…
Crash: (gasps) No pulse! (buries his head deep into his arms disappointingly)
Tiko: Identify second target!
Another missile was shot straight towards Crash, but it missed.
Crash: (breathing rapidly) You ain’t going to get away with this!
*******************************************************
Episode 32 – Tiko’s last laugh
Scene: The conference room inside Cortex Castle
Music: WWF – The Hardy Boyz’ theme
Nerves were at the peak for Crash and for Tiko. Crash was breathing rapidly and staring angrily at Tiko, who was looking confidant and proud…
Tiko: (thinks) One down and one to go.
Crash: What do you think you’re smiling about? You killed one of my companions!
Tiko: Exactly. Which is why the same will happen to you. Identify new target.
The robot took sharp aim at Crash and pulled the trigger… but it missed again!
Crash: Is THAT the best you’ve got? Bring it on!
[Music changes – Prodigy – “Out Of Space” (Instrumental)]
The robot fired all of its missiles quickly, one by one, and Crash dodged them all. Now with panic, he took out his bazooka and fired his ammunition…
Tiko: Hang in there…
But the robot was struck down, and exploded Tiko out of the building…
(Music stops)
Tiko: There goes my pride… you haven’t seen the last of me… (fades)
As Tiko disappeared from sight, Crash was still breathing rapidly, with his eyes focused on the corpse…
A FEW HOURS LATER
[The scene changes to an out-door burial ground. Music restarts – William Orbit – “Barber’s Adagio For Strings” (Intro)]
The gang were in a circle, looking very depressed. With Boron there was no exception – he buried his face extremely deep in his arms. For this showed one of the more depressing events in the battle – the death of Cortex.
[Music changes – Ralph Fridge – “Angel” (Intro]
But flying high came a mystical, beautiful creature with powers – an angel…
(The angel sounds like a normal girl)
Angel: (sighs) This just didn’t seem to be… (looks at the corpse) He deserved a longer life than I did.
[Music changes – Coldplay – “Trouble” (Intro)]
The angel hovered its wings very fast, giving off a ray of light down at what looks like a tub of bleach. It glowed a beautiful blue colour.
Angel: (still looking at the corpse) Good luck… (flies off)
(Music stops)
MEANWHILE, BACK ON LAND
Crash grabbed the bleach and walked slowly towards the corpse.
Crash: Take this for your journey to heaven. You gave us confidence in everything… (some tears rolled down onto the floor)
The bleach was poured into the mouth, and a few seconds later Crash turned away.
[Music restarts – Orbital – “Funny Brake” (Chorus)]
But it all changed – something started to move – his hand! A few seconds later he opened one eye, and then another, and then turned to Crash.
(Music stops)
Cortex: (extremely faintly) If… you’re… happy… for… my… resurrection…
Crash turned around and saw him back to life.
Cortex: (extremely faintly) …give… me… a… hell… yeah.
Crash looked phased and confused, but soon enough he smiled slowly.
Crash: HELL YEAH!
N. Gin: He’s alive?
Brio: I c-c-can’t believe it!
Boron: Huh? (looks at him) YEAH!
Dingodile: Let’s here it! Hip-hip…
Rest of the gang: HOORAY!
[Music changes – Phil Collins – “Against All Odds” (Instrumental)
The gang start cheering and shouting for an incredible length of time, whilst Crash was talking to Coco, who was up in a tree…
Coco: Congratulations, Crash. Tiko has finally been defeated!
Crash looked under the branch she was sitting on, and saw him and his gang hung and tied up.
(Music stops)
5 MINUTES LATER
A police force came along to take them back…
Policeman: Looks like you’re going back where you belong. (chucks them in the truck and closes the door)
Tiko and gang: Looks like we’re back to the madhouse… (fades)
The police truck drove off into the horizon.
Coco: (waves happily) Hope we don’t see you again!
Cortex: But what if they break out and go déja vu?
Crash: Stop whining about that – the important thing is we’re back, the world’s safe and…
Polar: Oh no… Kane’s won the WWF title!
Cortex: (gasps) Has he?
Polar: (laughs) Not really… (the camera zooms out showing Polar on a hand-held computer games console) It’s just a game!
The gang start laughing.
(Scene changes back to Crash’s bedroom)
Final page –
“Since then Cortex and I split up again and now the fate of the world depends on us two.
But if Tiko and his minions ever come back, we’ll be ready for him…”
(The book closes back to the front cover and the final credits run, alongside Spice Girls – “Let Love Lead The Way”.)
THE END
Credits (in order of appearance) –
Jake Lloyd as Private Boron and the pterodactyl
Clancy Brown as Dr. Neo Cortex and Polar
David Spade as Crash Bandicoot and Nitros Oxide
Vicki Winters as Coco Bandicoot and the angel
Brendan O’ Brian as Tiny Tiger, Dr. Nitrus Brio, Pinstripe and Dr. N. Gin
William Hootkins as Dingodile and the policeman
Glen Jacobs as Koala Kong and Papu Papu
Brendan Fraser as Rilla Roo
Dana Gould as Tiko Cortex and the salesman
Scott Chisholm as Pura
Michael Connor as the Komodo Brothers
Neil Morrissey as Lio Cortex and the patrol droids
Toni Braxton as Deksta Cortex and the computer
Claire Danes as Haliana Cortex
John Ross as himself
Directed by: Bev Wooff (T-Rex)
----------------------------------
OUT-TAKES OF THE SAGA
Salesman: Meet the Zewper Slayan 5000, the ulti… ulti… I can’t say it!
Tiko: (growls angrily) One more time and you’re fired!
***********************************
Crash: This place is totally surrounded by robots!
Cortex: Too bad Tiny’s crew have an easy job…
Director: Cut!
Cortex: Why? Did I do something wrong?
Director: No, the background’s gonna collapse. Look out!
The gang evaded it with panic.
******************************
Crash: This is chaos!
Cortex: This has power!
Coco: This looks h… Oh, I forgot!
Director: Forgot what?
Coco: I forgot my laptop for the other scene!
Director: Discuss that later, OK?
********************************
Boron: (turns to the robot with fury) Grrrrr…
Boron fired his crossbow, but missed the target and struck a bee-hive.
Boron: Uh-oh…
A swarm of bees came out and chased him all over the studio.
******************************
Rilla: (opens door #1) Oops – closet. (opens door #2, but the door fell down on him) This place can do with a bit of DIY, don’t you know?
***************************************
Brio: You had a burn to fuss about, right?
Pinstripe: Y-y-yeah… Sorry about that – I’m afraid of heights!
Director: Okay, we’ll order a stunt double.
********************************
Pinstripe: We only have under a galleon of fuel left. Can this be enough?
N. Gin: (starts opening another window) I don’t know… hang on, can we cut? The window won’t budge!
Director: You can handle it – You’re a mechanic, right?
N. Gin: I’m not a mechanic – I’m a rocket scientist.
*****************************
Angel: (sighs) This just didn’t seem to be… (a rope snaps) Uh-oh… (looks up) That’s my rope…
The rope breaks and as she fell to the ground, she called like Tarzan.
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