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or if i really wanted it to. ..i just know that i really loved my husband in the beginning.... well i take that back... i honestly didn't even know him when i married him. .i know good and well that i was just trying to get out of the house. she wouldn't allow me to practice my religion as i wished and i felt so oppressed. *if only i had known* |
i married him, nonetheless, and began the gradual process of becoming a wife. he provided nicely for me, but as time wore on, i realized that i loved him as a friend, a confidant, as someone i was there to protect from the cold world. he was so naive and innocent. although older, and book wise smarter, and hell, had lived in ny for years, he still had a lot to learn |
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i was online one night, just checking out webpages, checking email, the usual thing to do when youre not tired enough to go to bed, but too tired to do anything constructive. she was in a common black chatroom. the room was live.. everyone chatting.. about nothing. she .whispered. me |
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and we just began to talk. we talked about her state, her weather, why she was up so late, and just her altogether. i answered all her questions, with the assumption that i would make use of this conversation to wear me out enough to get to bed. but as the conversation went on. and on. and on, i started enjoying it. she was witty, intelligent, had a .real life. and kept me interested. |
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under the sun moon and stars. i liked her. but not like i liked my other friends. the issue of sexuality had not been brought up as of yet, but something told me she was feelin' me on some otha' level also. finally, by 3 am, and 2 hours of nonstop convo, she got quiet, as did i, and she asked me, if i had ever been with a woman before. |
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..no, i dont think so, but i think i experimented as a very young child. she giggled and eased my nerves by saying ..girl, who didnt, right? before i could recipricate the question to her, she progressed and asked ..have you ever thought about it, now that you are older?.. why the hell not i thought |
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fufilled with my sex life with my husband.. she reassured me that this was normal ..for the majority of the women she knew.. and as we spoke, and as i lay on my bed, in the dark, subconsciously fearing that my husband may come home early from his 3rd shift job, i felt myself perspirating. |
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and between my breasts..i assumed it was just because i anticipated what was to come of this conversation. but i then felt a wetness between my legs that only a man could have once brought about. it was a wetness that my husband of 7 months had only brought forth about maybe 2-3 times prior to sex.. |
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i must be doing something wrong. i told myself that although i was relishing this dialouge, and the words and syllables flowing from her mouth, into my phone and dancing on my ears was a sweet, perfected recipe of east coast flavor, cuban spice and a steady secure vernacular, i would have to hang this phone up at once and try to go back to living life as usual |
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an abrupt end to our confabulation, she asked in a the most delectable overall manner, ..what do you have on.. confused, yet a bit aroused by the query, i quickly answered. ..a tommy hilfiger shirt that i spilled some bleach on a couple months ago... why, what do you have on?.. |
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..oh..i said. silence tormented the phone as i wondered if she were asking out of pure innocent curiousity, or if she were going somewhere with this. she took a short breath in and asked me ..what about under your tommy shirt.. |
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and i allowed myself to open up and enjoy what fate had presented to me.. ..the opportunity to explore my sensuality..the opportunity to make clear .why. i had this growing wetness between my legs, as if someone were playing between them. ..besides me.. |
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no day was quite right unless i had spoken with this woman. her voice could fix any wrong in my day. her laugh could bring the sun on a dreary day. she became my true to life . girlfriend . my true to life . best friend |
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may god forgive me... |