Spring is
the season between winter and summer - a time or season of growth. In practice,
many people use this part of the year to clean up around the house or office
as in "spring cleaning". In life, spring can also be a time for spiritual
growth.
The deadly shooting incident
in Columbine High School in Colorado involving a dozen of students made
people from all walks of life point their fingers to just about every direction
except themselves, in an effort to pin the blame on something or someone.
I do not claim to be an expert
on this matter, but my senses tell me that perhaps we need to go back to
basics as parents. The increasing number of troubled kids hugging the headlines
are just becoming too onerous to ignore, that we, as parents, have a big
role to play in redirecting their path.
Perhaps, we need to see parenting
as a season because just like seasons of the year, we undergo seasons of
life. Today you are putting your daughter in a car seat, but soon she will
be asking you for the car keys. Parenting responsibilities are not forever
and no one can claim to be an expert on this area. But just like a child
who is learning to walk, the first step is always the hardest.
So, with spring being almost
over and with the summer season looking us squarely in the face, how can
we reconnect with our kids?
Compassion
Webster defines compassion as
"sympathetic consciousness of others distress together with a desire to
alleviate it". While this seems pretty basic, many of us have difficulty
expressing our love and understanding. We need to show our children that
we love them not only when they are good but also when they are bad. I
know that this may not be easy but we could always try. Many of us would
rather love them from a distance because within the closeness of a family,
we find it increasingly difficult. But we need to understand that they
need compassion. Hug them when they are feeling down, it shows you care.
Kneel down to their level when talking to them - it shows that you are
paying attention. And good or bad, you need to tell them that it is so.
Counseling
Our children need direction and
advice. They need to know right from wrong. What values are we teaching
them?
The other day, a flyer came
across my desk with some rather very alarming statistics:
-
Today 35% of all babies born in California are born
to unwed mothers.
-
In the US, 68% of all babies are born without the married
parents.
-
One million teenagers become pregnant every year.
-
One out of 3 girls in Southern California by age 15
lost her virginity.
-
By age 19, 81% lost their virginity.
-
In California, 15% of kids in juvenile hall are there
for murder.
Many agree that this is indicative
of children growing up without values. Many are crying out for wise counsel
and they are not getting it from passive baby sitters, mainly television
sets. We are not there physically for them. Don't get me wrong, there is
nothing wrong with our obsession to acquire lots of wealth for our material
needs such as Mercedes Benzes, big houses, 52" TV, and others. But, maybe
we need to balance our time more judiciously so we will have more time
with our kids particularly in their formative years. We cannot parent in
our spare time!
Correction
Not to sound too pastoral, but
every Bible that I have read all agree that "God does not punish whom He
loves but disciplines them." It also tells parents to "Correct your children
while there is still hope; do not let them destroy themselves." Simply
put, we need to correct our children if we want them to succeed in life.
Allowing them to establish bad habits that go with them for the rest of
their lives is like telling them that we don't love them.
As parents, we should correct
quickly, calmly but sparingly. Don't punish but discipline. Punishment
is inflicting a penalty or pain - pain that may stay with them for life.
Discipline promotes growth for future success. Use helpful words.
Confidence
Many of us are what I call "hard-to-please"
parents. In our effort to raise "superstars", we won't settle for less.
We demean them when they make mistakes - we always look for negative things
in our children's lives. Why? If we love them, then we should always believe
in them and expect the best in them. Build them up, not tear them down.
Empower them!
Fun
Families ought to have fun. I
know many of us work five days a week and we look forward to the weekend
for a break, or to meet our social "obligations". Some parents who are
more ambitious even work extra hours on weekends to achieve their goals.
We are just too busy and don't have time for fun anymore.
Kids don't care about the awards
we have won, how much money we make, or if we got that promotion. They
just want to know one thing: are Mom and Dad fun? If we are not having
fun with our kids at home, celebrating….. then we should not be surprised
if they don't want to stay at home. Take some risks. Be crazy, wild, or
just be outrageously fun with them one day and they will remember it for
life. Trust me, it won't kill you.
Challenge
We cannot keep our kids as children
all their lives. One day, they will be on their own. So, we have to start
letting them take control of their lives so they can go out on their own.
Kids respond to responsibility so empower them. Of course, they will make
mistakes but it's how they learn. Trusting them with responsibilities are
opportunities for them to grow - to prove their self-worth.
Consistency
Again, there are no perfect parents.
Imperfect parents raised us and they were raised in turn by imperfect parents;
and so on. The key is to be consistent in our limits, our boundaries and
our rules. They may not always work as planned, but nothing ever does.
Be realistic. If you aim to have a perfect family, you will most likely
fail. Strive to raise a healthy family.
Avoid being perceived as having
a favorite child. Love them all. After all, they are your children.
So, the next time you hear the
Beatles sing "All You Need is Love" don't believe them because loving our
children alone is not enough. We have got to work at it!
