School Daze

Teacher: Do you understand the importance of punctuation?
Pupil: Oh yes, I always get to school on time.

Boy: I think our school must be haunted.
Father: Why?
Boy: Because the principal is always talking about school spirit.

Mother: Did you enjoy your first day at school?
Girl: First day...you mean I have to go back tomorrow?

Principal: I hear you missed school yesterday.
Pupil: No, not one bit.

Father: What are your marks like in school?
Boy: They're underwater.
Father: What does that mean?
Boy: They're below C level.

Teacher: Your essay about your cat is the same as your sister's.
Pupil: Yes, it's the same cat.

Teacher: When do you like school the best?
Pupil: When it's closed.

The school concert starts at eight sharp.
And, it ends at ten dull.

On what kind of ships do students travel?
On scholarships.

Why did the cyclops close his school?
Because he only had one pupil.

Teacher: Please give me a sentence with the word centimeter in it.
Pupil: My grandmother arrived at the train station and I was centimeter.

What do pixies and elves do after school?
Gnomework.

Teacher: Can you tell me what a unit of electricity is called?
Pupil: What?
Teacher: Correct.

Did you hear about the music teacher who put her violin in the freezer?
She wanted to play it cool.

Why did the schoolboy hate decimals?
He couldn't see the point.

Teacher: What's the difference betwen electricity and lightning?
Pupil: You don't have to pay for lightning.

Teacher: Please name two pronouns.
Pupil: Who? Me?
Teacher: Correct.

What's the most important thing to remember in a chemistry class?
Don't lick the spoon.

Teacher: If I cut an apple into four pieces and a banana into eight, what will I get?
Pupil: Fruit salad.

What do you get when you swallow uranium?
Atomic ache.

Teacher: Why are you late for school?
Pupil: There are eight people in my family and the alarm clock was set for seven.

Pupil: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not!
Pupil: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

What does a teacher have that his pupils don't?
The answer book.

Girl: I'm not going back to school again.
Mother: Why?
Girl: Last week the teacher said five plus five makes ten. On Monday she said six plus four makes ten. Today she said seven plus three makes ten. I'm not going back until she makes up her mind.

Why are seagulls called seagulls?
Because if they flew over the bay they'd be called bagels

Pupil: Why did the turtle cross the road?
Teacher: I don't know.
Pupil: To get to the Shell Station.

Pupil: What do you get when you cross a Praying Mantis with a Termite?
Teacher: I don't know.
Pupil: An insect that says Grace before it eats your house.

What do you get from a brown cow?
Chocolate milk.

What runs but never walks?
Water

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You're too young to smoke

What did the traffic-light say to the Martian?
Don't look now, I'm changing!!

Which city is a very dangerous city?
Electricity

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck

Why does Santa enjoy working in the garden?
Because he likes to Ho-Ho-Ho

Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the Body Shop

What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-Toad

Why did the boy throw his sandwich out of the window?
To see the butter fly

What bird can lift the most?
A crane

Why did the atoms cross the road?
It was time to split

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
He wanted to win the No-bell prize

Pupil: Why did the dog go in the shade?
Teacher: I don't know.
Pupil: Because he didn't want to be a hot dog.

Father: How were the test questions?
Son: They were easy.
Father: Then why do you look so unhappy?
Son: The questions were easy but the answers were hard.

Teacher: Where was the Magna Carta signed?
Pupil: At the bottom.

What seven letters did Old Mother Hubbard say when she opened her cupboard?
O..I..C..U..R..M..T

Why is Alabama the smartest state in the USA?
Because it has 4 A's and one B

What is the most slippery country in the world?
Greece

What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?
Geometry

Why did the atoms cross the road?
It was time to split!

What do you do when your chair breaks?
Call a Chairman.

What kind of car does Luke Skywalker drive?
a Toy-yoda.

Teacher: How do you count cows?
Pupil: With a cow-culator.

What did the mummy say to the detective?
Let’s wrap this up!

Where does a witch park after flying?
In the broom closet.