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Sunday, March 11, 2001 It's LATE again. I just got home from a "reunion" with the girls. We jibbered and jabbered at 55mph as usual, but for some reason the tone of the conversation reached an extremely somber tone. We talked of sin, school shootings, about a rich woman whose daughter recently died, and about how one of us will soon be a doctor's wife and must move far far away. . .We tried to be happy, but for some reason I still feel sad. For the latter part of the night we people watched and bobbed our heads to music. It's fun to spend time with the girls. I've known them forever, yet we still find things to laugh and talk about. With the girls i feel more beautiful than I feel when i stand alone. When we go anywhere together, heads turn and eyes stare. I'm always amused, but actually feel priviledged to be part and parcel of this group. I am not a head turner on my own, but with the group, somehow their beauty rubs off on me. posted by dinah s at 3:34 AM
Monday, March 12, 2001 I'm so sleepy and it's only 8pm. I started my inpatient rotation today and woke up early this morning. The day was almost too perfect until 2 pm when we had a new train wreck of an admit. I worked with an intern and it took forever to look through this patient's old labs and procedures. Every system in her body did not go untouched. She had diabetes, congestive heart failure, hypertension, yeast infex, end stage renal disease, and the list goes on. . .Rounds are at 7am, but I need to pre-round of course so I'd better keep this short so i can sleep by 9pm! posted by dinah s at 7:49 PM
[3/16/2001 6:54:43 PM | dinah s] A PATIENT MAN IS A SEXY MAN That was a quote from an segment I heard on NPR while driving home today. The reporter spoke of the lack of tenderness in a television or movie embrace. She described actors' kisses as "ballistic." While I agree that most shows tend to display no conservatism when it comes to getting "physical," a few of my favorite shows display quite the opposite. Take for example, my favorite series of all time, Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea. During the last 5 minutes of this 8 hour series, the main characters share their first and last kiss of the entire movie. I found it so charming, I actually had that physical pang in my chest. Everything in that movie lead to these two characters coming together. There was no grabbing at the woman's arms so as to pull her close to the man to engage her in a fiery kiss. Rather, as romance began to spark, Gilbert Blythe (the leading man of the story) called the redheaded Anne "carrot" and sometimes brushed her hair out of her face. I find that irresistably sexy. To hold back--to be patient--is the sexiest thing a man can do. When patience is paramount, the chemistry between actors becomes more apparent. In YOU'VE GOT MAIL with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, didn't you just love the way Hank's character lead Meg Ryan to fall in love with him? He could have easily said, "I'm your pen pal you fool!" But he didn't. And the more he held out, the more he listened to her as a friend, and the more she wished the pen pal she loved was him! What a great scene. Again, their first kiss took place during the last scene of the movie. So while some characters sleep together after one date, the most believable and tender relationships in the movies are those where the viewer must cheer for the hero and heroine to get together simply because they haven't yet. I knew that I didn't get enough sleep last night when i discovered that I was wearing 2 different earrings. In a way, it was almost as bad as having my zipper unzipped--but people tend to notice that more than mistmatched earrings. No one told me the entire day and I even had my hair tied back. I am such a kook sometimes! posted by dinah s at 6:49 PM
Thursday, March 22, 2001 Okay, b/c of Gary, I must now address the issue of female flatus. The mere fact that I used the medical term for farting signifies that I am still uncomfortable with the subject, but it's nature, and when nature calls, you better bet i have flatus. Most girls I know hate to talk about this stuff, but most of the female medical students i know are extremely in tune with their bodies. I have a friend who often tells me she has to keep her e-mail short b/c she's farting and must then defecate. When someone says," my stomach hurts." We less often ask "are you on your period?" than "do you have gas?" I have not always been like this. I think being in medicine has totally changed my frame of my mind. Patients fart all the time when you're talking to them and I have reached the point of just ignoring it--that is, unless it smells really bad. Marriage also has made me more comfortable with the subject. When I got to know my husband a little better and realized I was the one always suffering because of his intense farts, I decided I needed to get a bit more on the offensive. So now I do it in front of him. i can't believe I'm telling the whole world this, but you know, EVERYONE DOES IT and if you say you don't, YOU ARE LYING! I've asked the girls in my young marrieds bible study and they do the very same thing. You can bet I felt better once I found that out. I must stop here. I don't think I can devote more than 3 paragraphs on the subject because I'm not totally comfortable with it yet. Ask me again 40 years later when I could care less about my body habits and maybe I'll devote a little more time to the subject. posted by dinah s at 11:52 AM
Tuesday, March 20, 2001 Calls in the middle of the night scare me. Everything is so quiet and then, all of a sudden, that shrilling ring wakes me up. I hate answering calls past midnight. Often, I try to ignore them or I screen them. I guess i hate these calls so much b/c they usually bring bad news. posted by dinah s at 11:17 AM
Wednesday, March 21, 2001 You know you're good friends with someone when you can tell them they have a nose friend. I don't know why, but I tend to be having many of those moments lately where I have to nudge a really close friend, and non-chalantly ask if i have one. When a friend tells me,"Dinah, we've been friends for a long time . . ." I know that what she really means is that i've got to rush to the nearest bathroom to get rid of my dangler. Another friend ( a real one, not a nose friend) calls those times "booger checks." One girl would say "booger check time" and everyone's chin would be in the air for easier inspection. What about those times where you're talking to someone and you feel a booger making its appearance, but you're too much into the conversation to leave and fix it? You scratch your nose w/ your hand or lean your chin towards your chest in hopes you can hide the darn thing. Pretty soon, you don't even know what the other person is talking about because you're so concerned about your booger. Their lips move and so does your annoying nose friend. posted by dinah s at 8:47 PM
Thursday, March 22, 2001 Okay, b/c of Gary, I must now address the issue of female flatus. The mere fact that I used the medical term for farting signifies that I am still uncomfortable with the subject, but it's nature, and when nature calls, you better bet i have flatus. Most girls I know hate to talk about this stuff, but most of the female medical students i know are extremely in tune with their bodies. I have a friend who often tells me she has to keep her e-mail short b/c she's farting and must then defecate. When someone says," my stomach hurts." We less often ask "are you on your period?" than "do you have gas?" I have not always been like this. I think being in medicine has totally changed my frame of my mind. Patients fart all the time when you're talking to them and I have reached the point of just ignoring it--that is, unless it smells really bad. Marriage also has made me more comfortable with the subject. When I got to know my husband a little better and realized I was the one always suffering because of his intense farts, I decided I needed to get a bit more on the offensive. So now I do it in front of him. i can't believe I'm telling the whole world this, but you know, EVERYONE DOES IT and if you say you don't, YOU ARE LYING! I've asked the girls in my young marrieds bible study and they do the very same thing. You can bet I felt better once I found that out. I must stop here. I don't think I can devote more than 3 paragraphs on the subject because I'm not totally comfortable with it yet. Ask me again 40 years later when I could care less about my body habits and maybe I'll devote a little more time to the subject. posted by dinah s at 11:52 AM
Tuesday, March 27, 2001 TOO LATE!
"There are times when Jesus will ask you to join Him as He is at work in the life of your friend, family, or coworker. If you are preoccupied with your own needs, you will miss the blessing of sharing in His divine activity." MARK 14:41a Then He came the third time and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? It is enough!” This is a quote from today's devotional by Henry Blackaby. I get them e-mailed to me everyday. Last night, I prayed for my patients. In particular, I prayed for Ms X, who will be having bilateral amputation of her feet secondary to necrosis from her severely uncontrolled diabetes today. Every morning, for the past 2 weeks on this rotation, I have woken Ms X up at 6:30 am to examen her, ask how her night went, and of course, to see if she's had fever, nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea ("denies f/n/v/d"). For the most part, that is the extent of the patient-doctor relationship. We become too busy with the other patients to spend an extensive amount of time with each patient. We must check on X-rays, echos, call for consults, write notes, write orders, wait for elevators and then, walk up and down eleven flights of stairs, etc, etc, etc. When patients stay this long, however, it isn't difficult to kind of get "attached" to them. So there I was last night, with Ms X on my mind. She was about to lose her feet and I really didn't think she was prepared for it emotionally. I mean, what do you do? We had talked to her about it every single day since her admit and every other team we consulted practically did the same. I felt even worse about it when I thought of her uninvolved family and her oldest son who had told me that they "didn't get involved as along as she was alive." I wondered how she was feeling last night alone in her hospital bed listening to the snore of yet another new patient that had come to share her room. She was alone, so I prayed. This morning, when my alarm went off, I didn't bother pressing the snooze bar as I usually do. I got to the hospital early to check on my other patients and then, saved Ms X for last. I approached her bedside and said my normal cheery "good morning," but all she did was cover her face. Her small body was curled up in the dingy white hospital blankets and she stared at the wall. I asked her if she felt anxious about her surgery and told her I prayed for her last night. I, of course, had to ask the rote questions and then, asked if she wanted me to pray for her this morning. She accepted and I placed my hand on her arm and prayed a short prayer. This was the first time I have ever initiated saying a prayer with a patient. I had done so during my FP rotation in Harlingen where it was status quo, but here, I almost felt uncomfortable, like it was taboo. As many words as we say to comfort someone, prayer counts for so much more. I know that, but I seldom pray for my patients, as if my life as a med student is a totally different realm from my spiritual life. The thing is, it shouldn't be. I prayed that God would be with Ms X during her surgery and that He would fill her with an inner peace throughout this whole ordeal. I know He is with her now. posted by dinah s at 3:58 PM
Wednesday, March 28, 2001 What is it with this Texas weather? I was so happy last week when I would steal a moment to go outside and soak in some sunshine. During my drive home, I had even noticed the wildflowers that had sprouted up. BUT NO, it didn't last. It is now FREEZING . . .well, to me anyway. If I'm not wearing something sleeveless, it's must be FREEZING. posted by dinah s at 8:10 PM
March 29 2000 The GRUDGE
I frequently thought to myself "I miss him" even though we shared our bed for the past few nights. he tossed, I turned. occasionally i accidently touched him in my daze and he winced in return. but I had to be strong. I had to carry IT if I wanted to win. but he had become strong as well--I had "rubbed off" on him he said later. "where is he?" my father asked. who knows. He came as pleased. I left without saying goodbye, but not before I stole a glance to watch him sleep. Could he feel it? All day, my heart ached, but I selfishly ignored it. Be strong. who cares. you're going to WIN this one. But he thought the same and when I came home, the battle raged on. "This day will never come back" Dad said. Still, I held tight, not letting him see my weakness streaming down my face. Again, we allowed the sun to set and the alarm to ring. "I'm going out of town today,don't take my car" he muttered. I'M NOT . . .GOing . .to take . . . . . . .your car." He's leaving? This day will never come back. I put on my coat. This day will never come back. I grabbed my keys from the shelf. THIS DAY WILL NEVER COME BACK. As I spoke, it's weight became more than I could bear. I dropped it at his feet . . . he won, but I didn't care.