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June 26, 2001 Being the first day off that I have had in weeks…I really had a good chance to have some good alone time. I woke up around 11:00am, and I felt refreshed. I actually fell asleep watching tv last night…and don't remember the last time that I have been so tired. I called my hair stylist, and I scheduled an appointment to get my haircut. Luckily, he has some available times today, so I took the one at 4:00pm. This meant that I was able to relax a bit longer at home while I leisurely got ready. By 3:00pm, I was ready to head out the door, but then my hair stylist said that he needed to push my haircut a half hour back because he needed to spend some time with his kids. I said it was ok. So, I thought that I would go to the mall to return these pants that I got at Structure…uck….Struckture. I actually went in there yesterday to buy these pretty decent jeans that were part of their new Express line. They were really cool, but it made my ass look like I had just sat on some white paint. Although I know they are hip and trendy…I just don't think that the world…aka Iowa…is ready for them. And rather than hearing person after endless person snickering behind my back…I figured that I would save $70.00 and return that blasted pair of pants. After that was all done with…I drove to my hair guy…and I waited around a little since I was a bit early. I played with my palm-pilot…and soon enough my guy showed up. I had to watch him run around with his seemingly bratty kids before he finally showed me some attention. He washed my hair and began cutting. I must have been extremely tired…because it was even a struggle for me to stay awake while he cut my hair. I was just waiting for him to finish…and I really didn't care what it looked like when he was through because I wanted to get out of there. Nonetheless…he did a decent job….but I still miss Pheth..my normal stylist back in Iowa. She always knew exactly how I wanted it…and she always did a good job. It's a struggle to say the same about the guy who has been cutting my hair for the past four years here in Illinois. And I still ask myself why I go to him… Loyalty, I guess… After my haircut, I went back home…I watched the end of The Joy Luck Club…and after crying…I worked on my journal for a little. My parents came home from work, and we ate dinner. We all noticed that when my dog was sneezing…blood was coming out. My dog is about fifteen years old…and when I came home this summer…all I could notice was how old my dog was becoming. I noticed a week ago that there a profuse amount of blood on my parents bed…and when I asked them about it…they told me it was Charlie..my dog. No one knew where it was coming from…not even the vets. So, when I saw the blood coming out of his nose…I don't know why…but I started crying. To tell you the truth…everything has been making me cry this past week. Almost every movie that I've watched has made me weep like a little infant… But hey…it's always good to cry every now and then.. Even if it's three time a day. I was watching the movie Willow…which I might add did not make me cry…when Dom called me. She wanted to get together after she got off work tonight…and I told her to give me a call when she got off of work, and we could make plans. I ended up leaving my house around 9:00pm. I thought that I would head over to Starbucks, get a drink, and give myself some more along time to think things out….mainly Tony. He's been on my mind lately. When I got together with Dom, I asked her opinion. She was gone on her vacation when things started to really develop between Tony and I, and so I didn't have the opportunity to get her input on the whole situation. I don't know why I keep on asking other people…what really matter is how I feel about it. I know that if Tony was a couple years older…I wouldn't be having all these internal conflicts with the whole thing…but the fact that he's only 16 years old is weighing quite heavily upon my mind. Dom and I went back to my house because I was feeling a little sick…and we talked about her vacation to Florida and then about Tony. It was a good conversation…in fact the first real one we've had in a really long time…so it was good. I am still no where on the topic of Tony. But, he and I are getting together tomorrow, and I am deciding everything tomorrow. I am deciding whether or not I am going to pursue anything with him…whether I still will continue to talk to him…whether I really do like this guy. I know it's only one day…but I need to resolve all these question that I have. This summer was supposed to be stress free…and for the most part it is….but…but….hmm…LOVE sucks.. Relationships suck… Boys suck… 
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