“ANGER PROBLEM”
by
Sean Kramer
12829 Shady Oak Boulevard
Garfield Heights, Ohio
440.781.5439
FAde
In:
1.
Ext Therapists parking
lot day 1.
riler has to
see a psychologist for his anger problem
Rob Riler is
pulling into a crumbling office building and he is irritated and does not
want to go.
riler
(VO)
I can’t take all
of these problems. Maybe seeing this shrink will help me get better.
Rob gets out of
the car and realizes that the therapists office is in a bad area, and is
located next to a fast cash and whitecastle.
riler
(VO)
What the hell
kind of place is this? You’ve got the white castle… then you have the fast
cash. And a anger specialist. Makes sense.
2.
int Therapists
oFFICE day 2.
Riler enters the
office building waiting room.
riler
(VO)
This place
smells like old bananas and gym socks.
He looks in one
corner and sees old gym socks and he gags. He then hits the service bell.
dR. ANGER
(distant
voice coming behind office door)
Rob?! Come on
in.
Riler enters the
therapists office. The doctor has glasses, a band-aid under his eye, and an
old shirt on.
dR. ANGER
(somewhat
cheerful, yet sarcastic)
I’ve been
looking forward to talking to you Rob.
Dr. Anger then
adds his special sideways eye stare neurotic impulse
Riler
(definitely
does not want to be here)
Yeah, ditto.
(Pauses)
That shirt looks
familiar
dr. anger
(concerned)
This old thing.
I’ve had this one for awhile. It’s vintage.
Dr. Anger does the
sideways stare.
riler
(awkward
pause)
Look. I’m only
here because I have to be here. I’ve got a lot of problems that just built
up and I exploded.
dr. anger
(concerned)
Well, that’s
what I am here for. You got a little something I like to call… an anger
problem. We’ll talk this through and you’ll be singing before you know it.
Dr. Anger does the
sideways stare. Rob sits back and his chair and is visibly retracing his
mind.
riler
(looking
back and getting irritated as thinking)
Well, not one
thing has went right for me lately. My wife kicked me out of the house, I
got fired from my job, and I went crazy at the college bookstore. I’ve got
nothing left.
dr. anger
(soothing)
Let’s just work
our way through what happened one at a time. Tell me about what happened
with your wife.
Dr. Anger does his
sideways stare and Riler unnecessarily fake smiles.
dissolve
3.
int riler’s
home day 3.
His home is
visibly an angry place. riler’s wife is throwing around things and tells him
to leave.
wife
I can’t stand
you. This is the last straw. Get out of the house. I can’t take your
anger problem anymore.
Cut to Riler on
the receiving end, staring off into space.
riler
(VO)
We used to be
happy. Really we did. She just gets on my nerves now. Its her damn fault
though.
DISSOLVE
4.
int riler’s home
OFFICE day 4.
RILER
SETTING UP MAIL
Riler is looking
through the mail and placing bills in envelopes.
Riler
(vo)
It all started
with the bill situation. You see, I would set up all the bills and then my
wife
Show the wife
putting checks in envelopes
Balances the
checkbook and writes checks out to our bills.
Close up of her
inserting the checks over the address window in the envelopes
She really
screwed up though. You see, if you cover up the address window the mail man
can’t help you.
Cut to getting
late letters in the mail, and then blowing up at his wife.
Riler
What the hell
are these? All our bills got sent back to us.
Yeah, each one of them sent us a late fee.
Wife
Oh, my bad.
She feels bad, but
smiles because Riler is over-reacting.
riler
Your bad?
You’re damn right your bad. This bad cost us almost 300 dollars. I don’t
make that much money as a bathroom attendant.
wife
(Upset)
Watch your
attitude. It was a mistake.
Riler
(violent)
Watch this.
Riler picks up a
figurine and smashes it against the wall.
That wasn’t a
mistake.
Wife
That precious
moment meant a lot to me. I hate you Rob.
DISSOLVE
5.
int riler’s
home day 5.
Riler was bundling
away clothes to give to the poor and his wife caught that he didn’t wash
them.
Rob
(VO)
Then there was the time I was getting rid of my old clothes.
wife
What are you
doing?
riler
I’m putting
clothes together for the poor.
wife
You’re going to
wash those, right?
riler
No. I don’t
have time to.
Riler drops a set
of clothes he was putting away in a bowl of cheese dip because he wasn’t
looking.
wife
That’s
horrible. The poor people who can’t afford these clothes. You think they
have a washer. No. They’re going around smelling like old cheese now.
Riler visibly does
not care.
riler
I don’t care. I
don’t care about you or these people. I hope they smell like rotten cheese.
Cut back to the
same scene (3) of his wife kicking him out.
Riler’s wife
starts throwing his clothes and other personal belongings out the door.
wife
I can’t stand
you. This is the last straw. Get out of the house. I can’t take your
anger problem anymore.
DISSOLVE
6.
ext outside of riler’s
home day 6.
dissolve to
riler and his bags on the front porch
riler
(VO)
(sighs)…So she
kicked me out.
DISSOLVE
7.
int therapist
office day 7.
dr. anger
So how did that
make you feel?
Impulsive side
stare. Riler cringes back at him)
riler
(Visibly
irritated)
It made me feel
bad. What do you mean? This already is not helping. You’re making me
angrier.
Dr. anger
So keep going.
You were fired from your job, huh. Tell me about what happened there.
riler
(VO takes
a breath)
So I’m..
DISSOLVE
8. int
hotel bathroom day 8.
Riler and
denny are in the bathroom talking to one another.
Denny is on the
toilet eating a meatball sandwich and Riler is standing next to the sink
with his supplies.
riler
(VO)
…a bathroom attendant, right?
Dr. anger
(VO)
(Laughing)
riler
(VO)
Seriously, I am. It wasn’t that great of a job.
denny
You know what
they need in these bathrooms?
Riler looks at
him. Denny takes a bite of his sandwich and a meatball falls on the floor.
Internet
hook-ups. Coffee shops did that and they went great. Hook-ups in the
stalls. Yeah, cyber bathrooms- that would be great.
riler
The main draw of
a restaurant is not the bathroom. I don’t think the managers want them to
spend the majority of the time in the stalls.
Riler is visibly
irritated. Denny picks up the meatball and puts it back on the sandwich and
eats it. Riler sees it and his face is disgusted.
I’m going to
gag.
denny
So what’s that
sign on the urinal all about.
Show sign that
says “please flush the urinal or leave a tip.”
DISSOLVE to a time
earlier in the bathroom with Denny not there.
riler
(VO)
Yeah, this guy would always come in and he wouldn’t flush the toilet.
Guy shown at
urinal. Then leaves. Riler tries to stop him.
riler
You didn’t wash
your hands. And flush the urinal when you are done.
The guy just
shakes his head and goes ahead.
DISSOLVE to
another earlier time with a situation with the urinal guy. This time Riler
stopped him by shoot him with a squirt gun that had soap in it.
riler
Where you
going? You should wash your hands you know.
He squirts the
guys right in the head.
urinal guy
What the hell
you doing?
riler
It’s just soap
water. I’m your friendly bathroom attendant. And if you want to impress
your big date, let me wash your hands. They’ll smell so fresh she can’t
wait.
The man awkwardly
comes over and Riler gives him his fake smile. Riler then continues to wash
his hands. Denny’s face is disgusted and the guy leaves disgusted.
riler
See that wasn’t
so bad.
DISSOLVE back to
the present time and the same guy comes in to use the urinal. He notices
the sign and a series of close ups of faces are shown as it is inferred that
he is urinating on the sign. The guy then leaves without washing his hands.
denny
That guy totally
urinated on your sign.
Riler is shocked.
riler
He did. I wish
I could tell Spugly to make this stop from happening but I know he doesn’t
care.
Denny is confused
denny
Who’s Spugly.
riler
The big guy, our
manager. Spuggs. I call him Spugly because he always has parsley on his
teeth.
denny
Oh yeah. That’s
disgusting. He’s always talking to guests like that.
riler
Yeah he read
some Redbook about something called the parsley diet. He thinks he’s losing
all this weight with it.
Riler
(VO irritated)
My friend Denny is a character. Speaking of which, he should be the one
seeing a counselor.
DISSOLVE
9.
int grocery store
u-scan day 9.
As Riler is
talking about Denny it shows him waiting for line at the grocery store to
self scan his groceries at the U-scan.
Riler
(VO irritated)
That guy has a lot more problems than me. He should be the one here.
Denny is shown
frustrated waiting in line. In front of him at the check outs are some lady
trying to scan the avocado (not understanding how it works) some old guy who
doesn’t understand how computers work, a credit card that isn’t working, and
someone who forgot an item.
denny
(VO irritated)
I am tired of waiting. Who’s going to win. I’m going with the guy that
time forgot. This is like watching a handicapped horse race.
DISSOLVE
10.
int Therapist
office day 10.
The therapist is
trying to get back on track.
dr. anger
So, anyways,
what happened with the job.
riler
Back to that.
DISSOLVE
11.
int dining
room day
11.
The urinal guy
goes up to Spugly and tells him what is going on.
riler
(VO irritated)
Yeah, so this guy tells on me.
Spuggs is talking
to an employee and the urinal guy stops him and asks him if he could have a
chat.
urinal guy
Pardon me, are
you the manager?
Spuggs turns
around, smiles with the parsly in his teeth. The urinal guy takes a
reaction shot of disgust from all the parsley on Spuggs’ teeth.
spuggs
(Emphaticly)
Yes I am. How may I help you?!
Spuggs makes an
impulsive nose squint and the guy gets more worked up.
urinal guy
You have to do
something about your bathroom attendant. I think I’m going to stop coming
here just because of how awkward he makes me feel.
spuggs
What do you
mean?
urinal guy
I’d rather stain
my pants than use your restroom.
Spuggs does
another nose squint.
The guy forced
me to wash my hands, tried to force me to flush the toilet, and then shot me
with a squirt gun with soap.
Spuggs
Is that right.
urinal guy
And on top of
it, he’s smiling the whole time.
The guy gets more
worked up, and Spuggs parsley smiles and nose squints.
spuggs
Well, I’m very
sorry about this sir.
urinal
That’s not all.
He’s always trying to give me and people dating advice. Like I’m going to
listen to a guy who’s a bathroom attendant. I’m sure he’s a real success
with the ladies. The closest he ever got to a breast is when he bought a
chicken fillet at Wendy’s.
spuggs
(concerned)
Well, you’re not
the first complaint of this kind. Someone complained last week that he was
picking lint off their shirt. He’s gone. Thank you for letting me know what
is going on.
Urinal guy
No. thank you.
DISSOLVE
12.
int Spuggs’
office day 12.
Riler comes into
Spuggs office to get fired.
Riler
(VO)
So I was walking in the office, and I got a sick feeling in my stomach.
Spuggs smiles with
parsley
riler
(VO)
It was definitely the parsley on his teeth making me sick.
Spuggs nose
squints.
spuggs
I’m not beating
around the bush. You’re fired. Take your dollar store toiletaries and go.
Riler gets upset.
riler
(upset)
What did I do? I am a good bathroom attendant. I even wash people’s hands
for them.
Spuggs nose
squints
spuggs
That’s just the
problem, I’ve had complaints about you washing peoples hands. That’s not
the only thing either. You put a sign in to flush and are squirting people
with soap filled water… And don’t make me bring up the lint incident.
riler
(All riled up)
I was helping the guy.
Spuggs eyes
narrow.
spuggs
Help me out, and
never come back again.
13.
int therapist
office day 13.
dr. anger
So that’s how
you got fired. This is good you get to talk to somebody.
riler
For who, I don’t
feel any better.
dr. Anger
Go on, what
happened at the bookstore?
DISSOLVE
14.
int
bookstore
day 14.
The college
bookstore has some students in it- part of which are the ones that “hang
out” there. It if full of over-priced textbooks, stale candy, self help
books, and clothing. People are in line paying for things at the cashier.
Rob Riler walks into the scene with his friend, Denny, and a lunchbox in his
hand. He has to get a textbook so he can copy all of the pages. The
bookstore has its regulars with Gilbert with a gerbil in his pocket talking
to his nerd friends.
Riler
(VO)
I hate going to that bookstore. The books are overpriced, the candy is
stale, and I always have problems at the check out.
Riler and Denny
are walking looking for a book.
Riler
145 bucks for a
book. Come on now. Like I’ll even read it. I know how to beat the system
though.
denny
(looks like he will add something insightful)
I don’t think I
ever read a book.
Riler makes a
crooked smile and then looks at Denny.
denny
(Pauses)
Ever.
riler
(shakes
his head as he responds)
Not even Curious George?
Denny scratches
his eyeball.
denny
(casually
responds)
No.
Denny scratches
his eyeball.
Riler
(confused
and searching)
Dr. Seuss?
Denny is still
scratching his eyeball.
denny
(Irritated)
Not enough pictures..
riler
(Bothered)
Not even Where’s
Waldo?
Denny starts
scratching his eye again.
Denny
(Irritated)
Couldn’t find
him. Besides, not enough pop-ups.
Pan over to
Gilbert trying to impress girls with the hamster he smuggled in. He’s trying
to impress girls with it.
riler
(VO)
Gilbert Janks. That kid was always hanging out at the bookstore. He always
thought he could pick up chicks there. I wonder what that kid is doing
right now.
15.
int gilbert’s
house day 15.
Start with a
horrible nerdy picture on the wall and the camera moves up the stairs with
pictures all looking the same. We go to Gilbert’s bedroom where he is
staring at the wall. His brother, Hank comes in to tell him he got a girl
to come over
Hank
Hey I got that
Jilly girl to come over. And that girls likes everybody.
Gilbert smiles and
lets out a slow nasal gasp.
gilbert
That’s great.
Doorbell rings and
Jilly comes in and up to Gilbert’s room.
gilbert
Hey,you want to
see my photo collection.
Jilly really
doesn’t. She wants to make out.
jilly
(sarcastic)
That would be great Gilbert.
Gilbert shows her
a horrible collection of pictures all looking the same and then offers to do
a robot dance for her.
gilbert
You want to see
my robot dance. I’ve been working on it forever.
Jilly
Sort of.
Gilbert does a
shaky robot dance and Hank barges in. He asks Gilbert if he wants to go to
the store.
hank
Gilbert! You
want to go to the store.
gilbert
I am out of
orange soda. Do you mind Jilly.
jilly
Whatever. Maybe
your dad will come home early.
16.
int grocery
store day 16.
Ambient noises of
the U-scan sounds are heard and it shows Denny is still waiting in line and
mumbling to himself as it close ups on the avocado lady.
Avocado Lady
How’a come this
‘ting not scanning
She keeps putting
it through and there is no sound. It then shows Denny pulling on his hair.
Cashier
Hey lady, what
are you doing?
She looks at him
puzzled
avocado lady
This ‘ting not
scanning.
Cashier
Well for one
thing, there is no UPC code on those things. I think that’s like a health
violation. Second, you see that chart right in front of your eyes
Avocado lady
Yeah.
Cashier
You find it on
that list there, and type the number.
Then focuses on
Denny irritated in line.
denny
Yeah… real
difficult. (trails off) Where do these people come from.
17.
int grocery store parking
lot day 17.
Hank and Gilbert
arrive the store. Hank tells Gilbert to stay seated in the backseat. They
got food on the way and Gilbert is eating it. Gilbert climbs to the front
once he leaves and acts like he is driving.
gilbert
I’ll do whatever
I feel like.
Gilbert takes a
bite of food and puts his hands on the wheel.
DISSOLVE
18.
int therapist
office day 18.
Dr. Anger
Getting back to
the incident.
riler
Oh, yeah.
DISSOLVE
19.
int
bookstore
day 19.
Riler and Denny
and walking to get the book. Riler finds the microbiology book.
Riler is getting
visibly irritated. Not because Denny hasn’t read a book, but because he
keeps scratching his eyeball. They continue to walk to line. Denny continues
to scratch his eyeball.
riler
Would you stop
doing that.
denny
Doing what?
They get in line
and are waiting.
Riler
Scratching your
eyeball. It’s annoying me.
Purchases the
book.
denny
Oh, I think its
like a nervous tick. I don’t know why I started doing it.
They start walking
toward the exit.
riler
What do you have
to be nervous about.
Riler then gets
interrupted by the security guard who is Dr. Anger.
Dr. Anger (as
guard)
Excuse me. Did
you purchase that lunch box.
Riler doesn’t
understand, but is getting irritated.
riler
Yeah, like 3
years ago.
Riler starts
moving toward the exit, but the guard won’t let him.
dr. anger
I’m going to
have to confiscate the box.
Riler pushes the
guard back. Denny smiles.
riler
No, you’re not.
I have my lunch in there.
Riler opens it up.
See.
Dr. anger
How do I know
you just didn’t put that lunch in there?
riler
You’d know if
you were doing your job.
dr. anger
Don’t get lippy
with me boy. I’m gonna have to take you down to my booth and write you up.
riler
Look rent-a-cop,
I’m having a bad day. You’re going to have to rent another cop if you
expect to be moving me anywhere.
Dr. Anger goes to
grab Riler’s arm and Riler thinks he’s going to hit him. Riler then cocks
his arm back and hits Dr. Anger in the eye. The guard immediately goes
down. Riler and Denny look at each other and realize what he just did.
Everyone stops what they are doing and stares. Riler and Denny start
running, but a couple of other guards tackle Riler and drag him off. Denny
runs away.
20.
int
court
day 20.
Riler is handed
his punishment of having to see an anger specialist.
judge
(VO)
You hit an enforcement officer, which is a serious offense.
Show Rilers face
smirking.
Since you don’t
have a previous record, I’m not going to put it on your record. However,
you do have to see an anger specialist for at least one session, until they
tell me you are better.
riler
Thank you.
DISSOLVE
21.
int therapist
office day 21.
Riler finds out
the therapist is a quack.
dr. anger
So how does it
feel to talk about what’s going wrong.
riler
All right I
guess. Am I going to need to go to more sessions.
dr. anger
I think a few
more would be good.
Riler looks angry.
riler
Hey, where did
you get that shirt.
Dr. anger
At the shirt
store. You know.
Riler
Yeah I do know.
I know it used to be mine. That stain. Does it smell like cheese. It
should. I dropped it in cheese and didn’t wash it. Now I recognize you.
How come there is no diploma on the wall.
dr. anger
(Pauses)
Because… I don’t have one.
riler
You are
worthless. What kind of sham is this. You’re the rent-a-cop. I’m going to
punch out your other eye.
Dr. anger
(Intimidated)
Please... Look…
I knew the judge and I thought it would be a good revenge to give you bad
advice for anger management and make money for it in the process.
riler
(confused)
Didn’t you think that I’d figure out who you are you quack?
dr. anger
Do I look like a
smart guy?
Riler’s face looks
at him in disagreement.
All right then.
I won’t charge you, and I think I know a way for you to feel better. Make
revenge onto your old job.
riler
(calming
down)
Well, I was planning on meeting Denny to eat there.
Dr. Anger
(Very
nicely and eager)
Well maybe I could help you out with the revenge.
riler
(Cooled
down)
I would like to get that place back. It sounds like a good idea. I want to
punch Spuggly in his parsley’ed teeth.
dr. anger
Let’s cool it
down with the punching things. Let’s just ruin some of their business.
riler
All right.
Dr. Anger picks up
his ratty coat and they leave together
DISSOLVE
22.
int grocery store parking
lot day 22.
Gilbert acts like
he is driving the car while eating his food while it is parked.
gilbert
Vroooooooom…
Don’t make me accelerate. I’ve got turbo boosters, a power up and a banana
peel. You’re toast.
Turns the wheel
sharply to the left with a fry in his mouth.
Reeeeeeeeehhhhrrr.
He then notices
there is dog in the passenger seat of the car to his left. The dog is
intently watching him- not because he looks like an idiot, but because he
has food. The dog is staring.
gilbert
(smiles with a nasal gasp)
I bet that dog wants some food.
Takes a big bite
of the fry in front of the window. The dog then goes nuts.
DISSOLVE
23.
int grocery
store day 23.
Focus is on Hank
on the background walking in the store, and then changes to Denny getting
angrier and waiting. Then move to a close up of the old guy in the U-scan
line. The old man does not know that it is touch screen and he keeps trying
to hit buttons for the credit card. There is also Hank behind Denny that he
is wearing a fur coat.
Old guy 1
(Visibly
frustrated)
Golly, where is that keyboard. I just used it the other day and its not
here.
Move back to Denny
getting frustrated. Then audibly hear..
Hank
What do you
think
Change focus to
Man #1 in line
about guys who
wear fur coats?
Change focus to
Denny’s reaction shot and look over. He interrupts
denny
(irritated)
They shouldn’t.
Change focus to
show Man #1 with an ashamed look.
24.
int grocery store parking lot day
24.
Gilbert
antagonizes the dog more.
Gilbert smashes a
fry up against the window and starts laughing nasally. The dog then goes
crazy running around the car next to him
gilbert
(Dying of
laughter)
That stupid dog thinks he is going to get the food.
It shows the dog
at the window licking its lips. He then gets out of the car and starts
making stupid faces at the dog.
Dog
(muffled barks)
gilbert
(Laughs
hysterically)
Dissolve
25.
int grocery
store day 25.
Denny gets a
spot at the U-scan.
Denny is at the
scanner and starts scanning a bunch of junk food. He then pick up a tomato
and then looks at the list to find its ringing number. His finger rolls
down the fruit category and he notices that it is not there. Denny then
calls the clerks working the U-Scan over.
denny
(Bothered
and point to the list)
I can’t seem to find tomatoes.
Clerk walks over
and then looks at the list.
clerk
(Perturbed
and smirking)
There it is, right under vegetables.
Denny lights up
with fire
denny
What do you mean
it’s under vegetables.
(pauses)
Any idiot knows that the tomato is a fruit.
clerk
(Surprised
and short)
Excuse me.
denny
(Starts a
furious rant)
You’d think that a grocery store
(Yells next line)
The hallmark of produce goods
(Stops yelling, but still furious)
would know how to correctly categorize a tomato.
Looks deep into
the eyes of the clerk with pure loathing.
denny
(Slower as
if a threat)
What kind of place do you run here.
The clerk doesn’t
know what just happened.
clerk
(Abrupt)
I just work the U-scan.
(Pause)
Look twitch, go freak out on somebody else.
DISSOLVE
26.
int grocery store parking
lot day 26.
Gilbert and
denny- the confrontation
Gilbert
antagonizes the dog more by licking a fry right in front of the window where
the dog is. His cheeks are smashed against the window. The dog’s muffled
barking gets louder. Denny then comes out and finds what he is doing and
then threatens Gilbert.
denny
(FURIOUS
and yelling)
What the hell are you doing
Gilbert notices
its Denny’s car and he runs in the car and starts looking for the keys.
gilbert
(frantic)
This guys going to kill me
(nasal gasp)
Golly, I don’t have the keys.
Denny is
approaching closer and throws his groceries down.
denny
(muffled
because behind the window)
What is wrong with you Poindexter?!
(louder, but still muffled)
Roll down your window right now.
Gilbert rolls down
the window.
gilbert
(very
apologetic)
Dude… I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
Gilbert shies away
and only looks at him at the corner of his eye.
denny
(Calms
down a bit, but still yelling)
You’re not worth it.
denny then shakes
his head and walks to his car. He opens up the car door finds the dog has
urinated all over his car from the excitement. THen show a close up shot of
the dog smiling. Denny gets out of the car and closes the door and storms
over to hank’s car.
and is ready to
hit Gilbert. Hank then stops it from happening and then offers to take him
out to dinner.
denny
(Beyond
furious)
Get out of your car right now. I’m going to punch your goober face in. My
dog urinated all over my car because of you!
The window is
still open and Gilbert frantically tries to roll it up.
Gilbert
(to
himself)
Oh my god.
Gilbert doesn’t
get the window up in time and Denny starts yanking Gilbert’s arm out the
window.
denny
Get out.
Yanks two more
times.
(louder)
Get out.
Gilbert then opens
the door with his free hand and then falls out of the car.
denny
(Calm and scary)
Not so funny now… is it?
Gilbert
(searching
and then shoots back)
Its your stupid dogs fault anyways. He thought he was actually going to get
the food… Dumb dog.
Denny
Is that right
wise guy?
(Yells out)
It’s go time.
gilbert
(Very
nerdy)
Its you who’s going. I’ve been practicing my moves from Star Wars… and you
will vanish.
They both run in
at each other. Just as they get within feet away from hitting each other
Hank is heard in the background.
hank
Stop! Stop!
Cut that out right now.
Both Gilbert and
Denny stop and don’t know what to do.
hank
Look, he doesn’t
know what he’s doing. My brother’s a little slow. Can we settle this
without fighting?
denny
Your brother
made my dog urinate all over the car.
Hank
(apologetic)
Look man, do you think beating up a antisocial nerd who’s best friend is a
gerbil will make you feel better?
Denny shakes his
head and lets out a sigh.
Hank
(soothing)
Let me buy you a
drink.
Denny
I need one.
This has been a horrible day. In fact, I’m meeting my friend at a
restaurant. I guess you guys can just come along. Just follow me there.
The get into their
respective cars.
DISSOLVE
27.
int dining
room day
27.
the meeting
Denny and Dr.
Anger are talking about get rich quick ideas. In this instance they are
talking about butt rap songs. Hank, Denny and Gilbert enter and Hank sees
Riler the smiler- he hates this guy.
Hank
(Angry)
It’s the smiler. I hate this guy. I’m not sitting with this guy.
Rob
(annoyed)
Why did you bring this bozo here?
Hank
Because I’m a
real customer.
rob
Look moron, you
got me fired.
Hank
Ooh, poor baby.
Denny gives Hank a
stare of death. Hank cools down.
(apologetic yet sarcastic)
I guess that was uncalled for. I’ll buy you a drink.
Dr. Anger greets
Denny.
anger
Hey, Denny. I
heard some things about you. We were just talking about money making ideas.
Denny
Yeah, aren’t you
the security guard? Does this idea involve getting a better job?
Dr. Anger visibly
looks upset and says nothing.
(changing
pace)
Yeah, I’ve got some ideas, too.
anger
(intrigued)
Uh-huh?
denny
(excited
and neurotic)
Cyber bathrooms! Bathrooms with internet hookups in the stall.
Anger and Riler
shake their heads.
Yeah, you can
take a 2 while checking what’s new. That’s actually the slogan.
gilbert
(nasal
gasp)
That’s stupid.
Anger
So where’s the
money?
Riler
(cuts in)
There isn’t any.
Denny looks
frustrated
denny
So what’s your
idea, smart guy?
anger
So you know all
those rap songs- they’re like instant money.
denny
(doubtful)
Yeah!?
riler
All you do is
loop a couple of drum tracks, add stupid sound effects and rap about big
butts.
gilbert
(excited)
Oh, yeah. Big
Butts!
riler
See what I mean.
anger
Yeah, the only
time you can make fun of big butts are in rap songs.
hank
It’s like a big
girl anthem.
gilbert
Big butts
united.
denny
(irritated)
Riler, this is the dumbest idea you’ve had since you tried to copyright the
word “the.”
riler
And if it
weren’t for those bastards at the U.S. copyright office I would have made
millions.
gilbert
Millions…
The waiter comes
over to the table.
waiter
How’s everybody
doing?!
denny
(mean)
About damn time.
Waiter
Excuse me?
riler
Sorry about my
friend there. I used to work here. Is Spuggs here tonight?
waiter
(looks at
him seriously)
You don’t know?
Riler
Know what?
waiter
Spuggs died.
Riler and Denny
are surprised and speechless
Yeah, that
parsley diet killed him. I guess the news said this new diet has killed
more people than the water craze of ’87.
denny
Woah. That’s
crazy.
gilbert
I like parsley,
I don’t know why.
Table gets silent.
waiter
Anyways, what
can I get you to drink?
denny
Piña colada,
extra whipped cream.
Everyone gets
silent and looks away from him like they don’t know him.
What?! They’re
delicious. Besides, Hank’s treating me. Can I also get some hot wings for
an appetizer.
DISSOLVE to a big
plop of whipped cream on the pina, close up. Waiter brings it to the table.
gilbert
That’s a girl
drink. Where’s your purse, Jenny?
denny
Shut up! At
least I don’t make complete strangers dogs piss in their car.
gilbert
Oh, come on. It
was funny.
denny
(irritated)
Actually, it wasn’t.
anger
(interrupts)
Let’s not get out of hand here. I want to talk about revenge.
Hank
Revenge… on
what?!
riler
The hotel…
hank
Why would I
revenge the hotel?
anger
That’s the
beauty of revenge. It doesn’t always matter who you do it to- others
people’s misery just makes you feel better. (laughs)
Denny
(laughs
while talking)
Yeah just the other day I took out all of the toilet paper and paper
products out of the restroom.
gilbert
That must of
have been a pleasant surprise.
anger
Anyways, since
this place fired Riler and he is down on his luck, let’s get it back.
riler
(does the
smile)
How will we do that?
anger
We’ll just
create a scene and make all their business leave.
denny
Speaking of
creating a scene, I’m going to make a huge one if I don’t get my wings.
gilbert
Calm down man.
riler
(VO)
Here we go.
denny
(looks
around both ways and yells)
That’s it, I’m going to get my wings myself.
Denny walks into
the kitchen
Hank
(to Riler)
Your friend is
crazy.
28.
int Holiday inn
kitchen day 28.
Denny and
the kitchen
The scene is
unscripted. Basically, Denny surprises the cooking line by coming back
there and creating a scene without them knowing ahead of time. He demands
to get his wings.
denny
(A
sampling of possible lines to prepare)
Where the hell are my wings?
No, I’m not going to calm down.
I’ll come back here if I feel like it.
What do you mean you didn’t get an order?
I want you to make them right now.
I don’t care if you’re not the fry cook.
You don’t look like a manager.
Since when did
you guys start staffing with Wal-mart rejects.
29.
int dining
room day
29.
chaos erupts
Since Denny goes
back to the kitchen Riler starts to erupt and he and Dr. Anger get Hank and
Gilbert to create a huge scene. Other people are eating right by the table.
riler
I hate this
place. Let’s do what we do best.
gilbert
I don’t know if
this place is good for robot dancing.
anger
No, you idiot-
Cause misery. Riler you get the computer system, I’ll piss off all the
kids.
Riler gets up and
goes over to a computer.
Gilbert,
irritate the older ladies and Hank.. I don’t know-
Close up of
Anger’s eyes
Create chaos.
Dr. Anger goes
over the next table and steals kid #1’s crayons.
anger
Yeah, take
that. Coloring isn’t so easy without crayons.
The kid starts
crying.
mother 1
What the hell
are you doing?
anger
Making your
child cry. (laughs) hahahahaha.
The gerbil in
Gilbert’s pocket gets scared and runs out of it. He starts chasing after it
and women start screaming from the gerbil on the floor.
gilbert
Get back here…
Get back.
Lady one
This place has
rats.
Gilbert continues
following the gerbil past lady one and it passes a second lady.
Lady two
(Screams out
loud)
Cut to Riler
unplugging the computer system. The waitstaff starts complaining in the
back and the table’s waiter can be seen in the back. Children can be heard
crying in the background and women are screaming.
Waiter
What the hell is
going on. The whole computer system is down.
Hank is still
sitting at the table and is unsure of what to do. He looks to one side and
sees some lady holding on her purse disgusted and to his other and sees a
child crying. He shakes his head, gets up, furrows his brow, and just goes
up to people obnoxiously yelling. He goes up to a man in the closest table
who is unreactive as of yet and then he screams right in his face.
Hank
(yells)
Hwahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Old man gets
startled. And falls back into his seat.
old man 2
(startled)
What the hell?! I just got a new pacemaker.
Hank then goes up
to child 1 and screams in its face.
Hank
(yells)
Hwahhhhhh!!!!!!
The child starts
crying even louder.
Mother 1
That’s it. I’m
leaving. I can’t believe what has happened to society.
People start
leaving the restaurant and Dr. Anger can be seen stomping on all the crayons
that he had stolen. The children are calling out for their crayons as they
are leaving.
manager 2
(to Riler
and Anger)
Get out of here.
What’s wrong with you people?
The manager then
walks up to the front of the restaurant trying to get customers to come back
into the restaurant.
manager 2
(calling
out apologetically)
I don’t know what has happened. Please come back.
Turns to the side
and talks to him/herself.
I just got this
job. I’m going to get fired.
Then show Riler’s
face smiling.
CUT
30.
ext Outside of dining
room day 30.
Conclusive
vengeance
As Riler does a
voice over, it shows the last few customers leaving the restaurant, shaking
their heads. The new manager can be seen putting a sign up on the door that
says “temporarily closed for business”.
Mother 2
(faint)
I knew we should have went to McDonald’s.
child 2
I hate this
place. It smells.
As they are
leaving the audio can barely be heard and the manager is coming out of the
door and trying to talk to them as the mother and child are walking away.
The manager walks back to the door hanging his/her head and then posts up a
sign on a piece of paper stating, “temporarily closed for business.” As it
just focuses on the door, Riler is speaking.
Riler
(VO)
That was one of the greatest days of my life. Sure, it didn’t solve
anything. It didn’t get my wife back or even my job. In fact, all I got out
of it was a couple of misdemeanor convictions. But they were worth it. I
felt alive. Lets face it, life as a bathroom attendant is horrible. I
probably didn’t even notice it, but I eventually smelled like one of those
urinal cakes. This only meant for new beginnings. So maybe ruining some of
the business at my old job wasn’t a great idea. Sometimes, when you’re down
on your luck, though, the only thing that can get you out… is passing the
misery along.
FAde Out:
The End
Back to
"Anger Problem"
