by Dr. X. Freud-Royce (D.Buff., ISB)* copyright©
Recognizing the meanings of this ancient, alien text is not too dissimilar from that of any other text to the studied and seasoned linguist. The interpreter, however, being neither studied nor seasoned in linguistics, must make do with a mixture of guesswork and absolute fudge. Nonetheless, this difficult work was completed using the techniques of the internationally famous "oh dear I have left my carefully prepared speech in my other pair of trousers" school of buffoonery...
In the current circumstance of dilemma, the pauseful thinking gentlecockroach has pause to think, and does so. (pauses.... thinks.... not a single thought occurs to one.... pauses again.... thinks again.... still nothing.... pauses yet again.... thinks rather impatiently.... nothing again.... pauses in a perfunctory and not at all pausesome way.... thinks unthinkingly.... a thought.... yes, a question springs to mind.... it is: what stupid boring unpurposeful unthinking roach had such a thoughtless thought as to think up the thought of thinking?)
The pauseful thinking roach ceases pausing and thinking, and returns to scuttling, and does so.
From this first interpretation, it is already apparent that the writers, though rather different to the interpreter in their dark six leggedness (the interpreter being not so dark and having at the interpreter's disposal no more than two legs unless the interpreter is riding a camel in which case the interpreter has at the interpreter's disposal a total of six legs but two are perched high in the air and not at all able to be scuttled upon whereas four actually belong to a whole other body and creature/evoluture and neither body has that distinctive exoskeleton which seems to define the very nature of any insect especially the cockroach)...um, sorry, I seem to have lost the gist of the first part of this sentence. Please e-mail the good people at Roachworld if you have any idea what the interpreter was on about. Let us move on to:
Apparent to any cockroach is that the cockroach itself is not alone. No, not alone (please, younger cockroaches, bear with me). There are other cockroaches (as I say, younger cockroaches, there are certainly other cockroaches - please do not contradict an older and wiser cockroach who does exist despite your protestations to the contrary) hidden under objects, gnawing at various food-like objects, breeding, yes, breeding... (stop laughing, younger cockroaches; what or who are you laughing at if it is true that I do not exist? Surely your laughter is proof of my earlier point. Now stop it. If my earlier point was true, it may be that my next point is also true. I do not remember my earlier point now, but I can assure you that it was true. May I continue now?)
Then, if the earlier point is true, then let us just assume for the sake of the argument that it is also true that other cockroaches exist at this time - I present myself as an evidence that this is so. The concept is stretched not too far if it is suggested that other cockroaches existed at other times (yes, time, younger cockroaches... sorry, have you never before met this concept of time? yes, concept, younger cockroaches... sorry, have you never before met this... thing? I shall continue for the benefit of those who have not scuttled... the one who has not scuttled... for the sake of any cockroach who might be interested).
If it can be accepted that other cockroaches exist at other times, this can be presented as an evidence that cockroaches were not created out of nothing by some "bigger cockroach", but may instead have been the product of some earlier equal cockroaches. Now, is any of that food-like thing left? Here the text abruptly ends.
*Xenon Freud-Royce holds a Doctorate in Buffoonery from the International School of Buffoonery. For the last eighteen months, Dr. Freud-Royce has been involved in a Government-sponsored personal study of the motivations, experiences and outcomes of personal study.
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