Miss Fuzzell: We're not very political.

Mr. Baggio: So what?

Fuzzell: I just find it interesting that we never talk about the political issues of the day.

Baggio: Forgive the deja vu, tootsie pop, but so what?

Fuzzell: Don't you consider it rather sad we can tackle such topics as "nose picking" and "messy outhouse mishaps" yet we have nothing to say about the war?

Baggio: The only war I'm interested is the Cola War. I served proudly in that one. Got the medal of honor from Pepsi, too!

Fuzzell: A crushed Pepsi can on a key chain is not a medal!

Baggio: I'm not listening to a known Coke sympathizer!

Fuzzell: I avoid all soft drinks! I prefer my assorted teas from General Mills.

Baggio: And toilet water!

Fuzzell: I do not drink from the toilet!

Baggio: Speaking about toilets, you ever lick an urinal cake?

Fuzzell: We're straying from my main point!

Baggio: And here I thought I was proving it!

Fuzzell: I just wish we would talk about things that have true meaning in today's world!

Baggio: Aw, save that stuff for C-SPAN and Tim Russert. Oooh, that guy gives me the creeps. Always smiling that smile of his. I think he eats his guests, I really do.

Fuzzell: Baggio, Tim Russert isn't a cannibal!

Baggio: Okay, I admit I have no actual proof, but I'm having my people look into it.

Fuzzell:  You have no people!

Baggio: Okay, fine! I'm having my grandma look into it and she's a crafty, old fart!

Fuzzell: In other words, she's an ancient windbag.

Baggio: I call her "Grammie".

Fuzzell: Sigh. I should have called in sick.

Baggio: Hey, what's the deal with Kirstie Alley?

Fuzzell: Please no Scientology bashing, Baggio! We don't need the letters!

Baggio: Why does Kirstie Alley dress like a drag queen in all those Pier 1 commericials? Is it a cry for help or something? 

Fuzzell: I blame her stint on Veronica's Closet. It warped her fashion sense.

Baggio: Hell, that show warped my TV set! Lousy sitcom! It destroyed the best years of my life!

Fuzzell: You Cola War veterans are really prone to exaggeration.

Baggio: And massive urination! I'll stream you a river, baby, I'll stream you a river!

Miss Fuzzell is the runt of the litter.

Copyright © 2003 Teatime for Irma Productions