[page 1] [page 2] [page 3] [page 4]   Hailey:[about Marissa] Is that the short chick next door? Seth: Puberty happened. She's a Laker.   Sandy: [about Caleb and Julie] Oh god, the ugly Americans are coming back.   Sandy: Hi. I'm Sandy. Danny: Then why don't you go take a shower? Sandy: Pardon? Danny: Just kidding, I like you dirty.   Seth: [to Luke who is singing] Hey man, you know who sings this song? Luke: Rooney! Seth: Yeah. And it should stay that way.   Summer: What are you? Like 70? Seth: On the inside yes.   Kirsten: Aspirational? Is that even a word?   Sandy: Hello, ladies! Seth: Dad, don't call me a lady.   Ryan: [about Grady Bridges] He's kinda like you. Seth: What? Handsome and charming? Ryan: No. Geeky and sarcastic   Seth: I'm claustrophobic. Ryan: Seth this place is huge. It has a kitchen and a bathroom. Seth: Sh. Ryan, do not use up all the oxygen. Ryan: You want a sandwich, a shower, we got all that here. Seth: Ha ha ha. We're gonna die and I'm the good one. Ryan: I sleep here every night. Three of the walls are made of windows. Seth: Yes, which are now covered with naked dudes. We're trapped like rats. Ryan: Yeah. Rats in an enormous pool house, by the way. Your aunt's really cool. Seth: Yeh I know, she's be a bit unpredictable sometimes. My shirt's strangling me. Ryan: Great, my girlfriend's kissing some guy. I'm stuck here with a lunatic.   Sandy: I forgive your snoring. Kirsten: I do not snore! Sandy: Again, you do. Like a freight train roaring through the house   Seth: Yeah, so do you really think a little Feng Shui would make her forget her mom slept with her ex-boyfriend?   Seth: Dude. I cannot believe you live in the penthouse, man. This place is ridonculous.   Ryan: about Hailey All her friends want to kick her ass. Sorry about the language. Sandy: Why? I want to kick her ass.   Seth: [about Kirsten] It's her Tourette's firing up again. Happens every once and again, but it's fun.   Jimmy: [talking to Marissa, referring to a package] Well there's no ticking. So it can't be from your mom.   Summer: The other night, when we... had sex, you weren't the only virgin in the room. Seth: There was someone else in the room? Like filming us? Summer: Me, jackass.   Summer: [about her dad] Mostly we talk about me. Seth: You? Summer: Yeah. It's like our common interest.   Seth: [to Captain Oats] Not to rub it in, man, but I think Princess Sparkle is your type.   Caleb: Besides, we're family. Jimmy: Right. [pause] Are we? I can't keep track.   Seth: I like to think I can convey everything with a look. Kirsten: Well, you look adorable! Seth: No. Kirsten: Cute? Seth: No. Kirsten: Dope? Seth: No. Kirsten: Rad? Seth: Please, please, this is so painful for me! Kirsten: Hey Sandy, dosen't Seth look rad? Sandy: Oh, you do look rad! Mad props son!   Seth: A triangle's not a friendly shape ... it's a point, it has sharp edges ... triangles hurt people...   Seth: Dude, what do we do? I don't want to get thrown out of the hotel. I love the hotel. I want to marry the hotel and have little alcoholic, gambling-addicted kids with it. Is that wrong?   Summer: 80 is the new 70. Seth: What? Who talks like that? Summer: Who gets passed by a van full of nuns? Oh, wait.. Cohen does. Seth: Well, they have God on their side, Summer. I'm not gonna beat Jesus.   Jimmy: Are you kidding? The man bailed us out and took Julie off my hands -- I'll buy him his first lap dance. Hell, I'll give him one myself.   Seth: Ohh ... I've missed you. It's been too long. Ryan: You're talking to a boat, Seth. Seth: Yeah, I talk to a plastic horse, too, but that never worries anyone.   Seth: Over-exposure, its a major source of conflict in a relationship. Summerith, Sethimer? You understand what I'm saying? Ryan: No no, but that's normal.   Jimmy: Your mother has to wake up every morning and be Julie Cooper. That's punishment enough.   Seth: My Jew-fro is frizzing out, I look like Screech.   Kirsten: He's a consultant Sandy: Could you be please be a little more vague? Kirsten: He knows people. Sandy: You did it. That was more vague.   Sandy: Anyone going to be doing drugs? Seth: I hope so. Otherwise it'd be a lame rock concert.   Seth: [to Ryan] Do you want to play Grand Theft Auto? It’s pretty cool. You can like, steal cars and … Not that that’s cool. Or uncool. I don’t know …   Seth: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico. Ryan: What happens in Mexico? Seth: I don't know because it stays there! That's why we must go.   Ryan: You know what I like about rich kids? [punches Luke] Nothing!   Luke: Maybe I should just blow it off. Hit the beach. Let people get it out of their systems. Ryan: No, it doesn't work like that. It's been three months and I'm still the kid from Chino who burned a house down. Marissa: And I'm still the girl who tried to kill herself in Mexico. Seth: Yeah ... and I'm still - I'm still - well, I'm still Seth Cohen.   Luke: Welcome to the OC, bitch.   Seth: Oh wow, I should really learn how to knock. Just in case there's a threesome going on in the bathroom.   Julie: The phone calls, the emails, I had to block you from my buddy list. Luke: You blocked me? I thought you were just offline.   Summer: I was being sarcastic. Marissa: So was I. Summer: Which we never were before Cohen showed up and introduced us to irony. Jackass.   Summer: Do you have the stud finder? Seth: Oh Summer. I think you are the stud finder. Summer: Do you see this hammer in my hand? Seth : Yeah, let me find that stud ... finder. What's it look like? Summer: And a level. Seth: What is a level? Summer: Don't you know what a level is? Seth: Yeah, it's something you advance to in a video game. Summer: That's funny ... yeah. The tool doesn't know about tools.   [Summer kisses Seth] Summer: I...I just can't help it. And I certainly can't explain it - You didn't tell anyone? Seth: Of course not. Summer: 'Cause I'll kill you. Seth: No, I believe you.   Seth: I was like a fish flopping around on dry land. I was like Nemo and I just wanted to go home.   Summer: I'm gonna study this thing so hard I'm even gonna out-Jew you.   Summer: My dad says, "Chins are the new nose." Anna: So did Picasso. Summer: Really, what hospital does he work for? Anna: [glances at Seth] Seth: [stares at Summer] Summer: Kidding! I'm not that dumb, just shallow.   Sandy: Since the minute you were born I knew I would never take another easy breath without knowing that you were all right. Seth: So I'm like asthma?