[page 1] [page 2] [page 3] [page 4] Season 2 quotes   Seth: [about Zach] Dude, I love that guy. Ryan: You're not the only one. [points to Summer kissing Zach] Seth: No. She cannot be dating him. That's not even possible. How can that be possible? Ryan: A second ago you wanted to date him.   Marissa: Come on, I can't wait to show you the house. And my mom's face when she sees you in it.   Jimmy: So what's going on in your life? Julie: Aside from our daughter being the spawn of Chucky and Keith Moon?   Ryan: If I hadn't left, then you guys would have still been together. Summer: That isn't true. He would find some Cohen-y way to break us up. He can't help it. He's Cohen.   Summer: I feel like my flesh is melting. I just hope it melts evenly.   Sandy: Have dinner with us. I won't cook, I promise. Although if Kirsten's mad enough at you, she might.   Caleb: I don't get it. His best friend leaves, so he runs off with another boy and his gay dad? Seems kind of strange. Sandy: And this coming from a guy who is one click away from wearing a wig and a fake mustache.   Seth: I will bring these walls down with one single grand gesture! Ryan: No! No grand gestures!   Julie: You two are still—? Jimmy: Yeah, we're doing great. She's fantastic, sweet, limber. How about you and Caleb? Julie: Not so limber.   Sandy: Hey, there's plenty of good restaurants in Newport. Seth: I thought you said all the restaurants in Newport were overpriced and oversauced. Sandy: I have this thing about sauces. Less is more.   Ryan: Hey, so, ah, I was thinking. Seth: I was thinking too. You know they don't even have a water polo team here. That's just gonna be a problem for me.   Sandy: Sometimes the best thing is for a kid to have some space. Kirsten: The Pacific Ocean? That's not enough space?   Ryan: I'm gonna brood. Silently. Over here.   Sandy: Since when is Scotch part of a nutritious brunch? Caleb: Since the DA's office finally decided they had enough to indict me   Ryan: [pointing at the Comic Book Club flyer] Who's this guy? Seth: That's me with powers. The power to be handsome. What do you think? Ryan: I think this has something to do with the whole outcast thing.   Ryan: She's argumentative... bossy. Seth: Yeah, that's my type.   Sandy: Today he sent me to go meet with his former assistant, Phyliss. Kirsten: Phyliss died last year. Sandy: Exactly. Literally, dead ends. Sandy: I tried to talk to Phyliss earlier, but I left my Ouija board at home.   Sandy: I tried to talk to Phyliss earlier, but I left my Ouija board at home.   Kirsten: Oh, god. She just grazed an ass. Jimmy: Ah, the not-so-subtle ass graze.   Lindsay: So I've been thinking. I owe you an apology. Ryan: You have to actually say the words. That's kinda how it works.   Seth: My friend Ryan, he's really cool, okay? He's very anti-establishment. He enjoys sunset walks on the beach, punching people, and not smiling. Alex: And that's how you see me? Seth: Yeah. Except more so.   Seth: I've redefined rock-bottom like several times tonight.   Summer: Cohen... Ryan. Seth: I have a date Summer: Wow! Have fun with Captain Oats.   Summer: Cohen has a date with a real live girl.   Seth: She's musical, she's witty, hopefully she's free for lunch   Seth: So. To recap. I got disco-ed by two girls in one night, and unfortunately that's just, not the first time it's happened.   Sandy: What could he have done that would be so terrible he'd rather go to jail?... Unless, life with Julie Cooper...   Jimmy: [to Julie] I never heard you admit to having faults before. This is fun   Kirsten: I don't want you getting into trouble over this. Sandy: Oh, honey, I think it's a little late for that.   Seth: Her with a tattoo, you with a wristband. That's like the ultimate-wrong-side-of-the-tracks love story.   DJ: You don't want to be distracted by... I don't know, finally introducing me to your friends.   Seth: Man, I said I wanted to marry her, not date her okay?   Julie: Jimmy, look. Jimmy: Wow, she looks beautiful. Julie: Yes, but more importantly she's with Ryan. Who right now looks like Prince Charming.   Sandy: Even if you were having an affair, 16 years is an awfully long time to be paying palimony... Unless there's a child.   Summer: You've gotta go Ice-Man on her ass. Seth: Was that your first X-Men reference? Summer: Top Gun.   Sandy: Never underestimate a parent's ability to mortify his children.   Summer: He is the Anti-Cohen   Alex: Why aren't you at the SnOC Winter Wank-off?   Julie: Well I was easy to love back then. I was beautiful and much nicer. Jimmy: C'mon, Jules. You're still beautiful. And you were never nice.   Seth: That is how lame I have become. I have to be third-wheel to not even a real relationship   Zach: I get it. You're one of those couples. Joannie and Chachi, Luke and Leia. Seth: Luke and Leia were brother and sister. Zach: Yeah, well, may the force be with you.   Zach: Hey, I'm here for the comic book club. Seth: You are? Ryan: You are? Zach: Yeah. Why wouldn't I be? Seth: Um... because you're on the water polo team? Zach: What's that supposed to mean?   Seth: We could just not go. Ryan: We can't not go. We're here.   Caleb: When I have champagne I get giggly. Sandy: When do you ever get giggly?   Ryan: How'd you make it all the way to Portland from Newport on that little catamaran? Seth: Hm. Well, Ryan, sit down, my son. motions for him to sit down. It was a long and torturous journey, and I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna sugar coat any details with you— Ryan: Please don't. Seth: —'cause we're friends. First, I sailed to Catalina. Then, I sailed to Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara, I ran out of snacks. Freaked out a little bit, pawned my boat for cash, took a Greyhound to Portland. Ryan: You took a bus. Seth: Yeah. But don't say it like that, cause they're not cool. Have you ever been in one of those? Okay, not for the faint of heart. Ryan: I can't believe after all that you took a bus. Seth: Yeah. I think we're definitely going to have to come up with a better story for school though, that'd be good. Ryan: I don't know, I like the bus idea. It's cool. Seth: Okay, what about maybe... boat sank, saved by whales? It's very Whale Rider. Ryan: What else you got? Seth: I took a boat, boat sank, saved by a mermaid? Boat sank, stranded on a desert island...   Alex: That's sweet. It's pathetic but sweet. Seth: Yeah, that's my niche. Pathetic but sweet.   Summer: Cohen, that was really sweet. Seth: Pathetic and sweet? Summer: No, just sweet.   Seth: [passing out flyers] Hey guys. Comic Book League. Check it out. We're gonna to be getting into the issues. The stuff that matters. You know what I mean? Check it out. Today's topic: capes. Fey, or really cool?   Seth: So, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the urinals! [walks off whistling and then wanders back] Seth: I don't know where they are.   Jimmy: The woman I married wouldn't stand for that. Nobody puts Julie Cooper in a corner.   Seth: What are you doing? Summer: Nothing. Why? Looks like you're humping the hot dog stand.   Lindsay: I'm just gonna go wring out my shirt, and stuff toilet paper up my nose, and I'm sure I'll have no trouble fitting in now   Seth: I have a mop, Ryan! Ryan: You have a mop, Bro!   Kirsten: Sandy? Sandy: Honey, I'm mid-shmear.   Seth: The Bait Shop? Could be very un-CBGBs.   Summer: [slaps Seth across the face] This isn't a game, Cohen. You could have gotten hurt. Seth: Good thing I didn't.   Julie: He's in prison. Jimmy: So, you're gonna divorce him and take his kids.   Kirsten: You quit? Sandy: Quit slash got fired.   Sandy: She's agreed to an supervised visit. 20 minutes, max. Caleb: She's my daughter, I don't need to be supervised. Sandy: No, I'm supervising her. Because she might kill you.   Ryan: I promise I'll keep my hands to myself. Lindsay: It's your elbow I'm worried about.   Seth: This is the old Seth Cohen. I'm back, man. Red, white, and me.   Caleb: What do you suggest I do? Sandy: I suggest you find a way to make it up to Kirsten now. Unless you want Julie to be your lawyer too.