DEJECTED

Why do I get this way?
I hate myself when I need to feel
I'm shut off 
in a self-inflicted sour pit 
where sweet things stab 
and tear 
and rip
My hand is burnt upon this wretched pen
My tongue 
rancid in my mouth
I swim in this shame 
wishing to catch each searing word
Needing to express my hate 
that is pushed too far 
through my veins
Desperate to scream with these feelings 
but escape is only to dream