December 1942

I believe General Dan Pienaar has addressed the men of the 1st S.A. Division and told them that they are going home on leave but were coming back to the Middle East very soon with a maroon bar on our orange flash which means simply this, that we will no longer be conditional troops but able to go anywhere where this war may stretch. I spent all afternoon in the company of my ex platoon officer. He too is very anxious by waiting for that dream ship to materialize but he seems to be quite confident that the 8th will see us safely on board. In that case we can still quite easily be home for Christmas, which obviously is my most desired wish.

It was without surprise and astonishment when I read in this morning’s paper that my company commander (Captain Mostert) has been awarded the Military Cross. I don’t think any other decoration is more welcome and well deserved as it. I have just to find a finer gentleman and the manner in which he led was most outstanding. I wrote a short note of congratulations to him this morning. There were three awards given to my regiment and incidentally all went to men of my company for their work done the night I was wounded.
Two fellows were brought in tonight from Benghazi. They are in a rather bad condition, the one particularly who has both his legs and feet shot to pieces. They have been moaning and groaning since they came in, poor chaps.

It is now one week since I arrived here and my ship seems still as far off as ever. This time last week I thought that by now I would be very near Durban and preparing myself for meeting my wife and son again. I spent this afternoon playing dice (excuse me with the Padre) What made it even more amusing was when he threw eight sixes in succession. He was getting terribly excited and I could not get him to call it a day. Consequently I was late for supper. After supper this evening I went to benediction and even now as I am writing I can still smell the incense in my nostrils.

Friday and still no word as to our departure, there are partitions of our division on the water already on their way home. I have been warned to be ready for the theatre again tomorrow as they intend removing my plaster to give my leg a trail. If that is no good then I will have to go into plaster again which, prospect I shall just dread. By all accounts the momentum of out eighth army has at last come to a standstill and where I thought it would too, namely Agheila where we were consolidated until such time as we are able to push still further into our goal Triloli. This however is the first time in all our offensive that we have been able to hold Agheila for any period.

I was taken into the theatre today to have an iron hoop attached to my leg but at the last moment it was decided to remove the plaster all together for a trial. It is certainly a very strange sensation being relieved of that terrific weight, but I am afraid I shall have to go back into it as not only is it terribly painful but it is impossible to bend my knee and standing on my foot is right out of the question. It is a really miserable day today and if this was not Cairo I would say it is going to rain before tonight is through. I have become terribly lazy since I came in here. Not once have I shaved myself but every morning an Egyptian comes around with all his equipment with him and shaves me while I lay back in bed and read the paper. And why not too when all it costs is 1 piastre as I am sure to give myself a shave entails much more than 2 and half pence worth of work.

I spent a most miserable night as a matter of fact. I had the nurse on the run with sleeping draughts and injections so today I had my leg put in splints and the doctor is going to put it in a plaster again tomorrow. Not withstanding the fact that I had a most unrestful night. I got up at 6 o’clock this morning and went to mass and then to benediction this evening to which I got a friend of mine to accompany me to. Incidentally he is a non-catholic.
This afternoon I was reading a book when a W.A.A.S. came into the ward and asked if there were any of us who would like to go to tea with her. She had an ambulance waiting outside and after I was piled into it with a few other fellows she took us to their sitting room in their barracks where we spent a most pleasant afternoon, singing while one of the girls played the piano and filling ourselves up with cakes. We were brought back to the ward just in time for me to go to benediction at 7 o’clock.

I have at last come to the conclusion that I shan’t be seeing my wife and son for this Christmas. Although it is still not too late and we can still make it if we embark within the next couple of days but I have decided to try and resign myself to the prospect of spending another Christmas away from home which obviously I do not relish. I believe the first draught of S.A. to leave for home were put onto ships and then taken off again. Apparently we have not the navel escort available for them, nevertheless I can quite understand the fellows feeling in been taken off the ships again. There has been several sinkings of our ships in the Mozambique Channel by Jap destroyers so evidently that is the reason for them taking the extra precautions. Personally I would not mind or object to taking the risk if it means I’ll get home soon, after all there is thousands of men who have survived torpedoing and besides it would just be another adventure. It is one year ago today that Japan launched her ruthless attack on Pearl Harbour, which forced America into a declaration of war against the Axis powers. I was somewhere in the middle of the Indian Ocean at the time on my way up here and I remember how cautious we were against Jap subs.

I had some rather encouraging news. I paid my officer friend a visit and he informed me that he had received the information regarding the arrival of 2 hospital ships in Suez. I do so hope his information is correct and that we are soon underway. I spent most of my time today sewing and I have nearly complete a cushion cover or whatever its supposed to be.

All my hopes of been in the Union for Christmas are now completely frustrated as all sailings of troops to S.A. are definitely suspended. News reached us today that the ‘Landoff Castle’ has with two other ships been sunk off the Zululand Coast. This time last year I was on the ‘Landoff Castle’ on my way up here. I gave a nurse some money today to buy some stockings for me to take back to my wife. I believe it is quite impossible to obtain them in the Union these days and I am sure my wife would welcome them. I wish I knew what I could take back for my son, I know clothes would not interest him but he would much rather enjoy something that he can play with.

Today I went to a debate based on party politics in England. I must say rather a strange interest for a soldier to adapt seeing as it is contrary to all military law but I am rather inclined to think that is one of our drawbacks – so few people understand the government of their country. I think it is more of case of ‘cant be bothered’ than ignorance. Economics and politics are, I think, a subject that should be taught in schools. However I enjoyed the debate and there were a few heated arguments.
This afternoon I fell asleep which is a think I not only dislike doing but never do as I felt utterly miserable afterwards. I have just this minute arrived from benediction so I do hope I can sleep tonight.

My hopes were raised to great magnitudes today when I paid my ex officer a visit and he told me that he had heard there will be a ship leaving early next week. Of course it is only a rumour but it is these rumours that help to carry us over these days that dwindle by so slowly. One of the fellows went out and bought of whiskey so three of us sat all this evening talking about our hometowns and before long the whiskey was finished. Discussing various incidents of your hometown and hearing other men talking of it tends to make you feel so close to it, only to be threatened by the dull realization that after all you are still in this land known as Egypt.

Two American teams played baseball here today but I, instead of going to watch it, engaged the labour of two wogs to give me a haircut to give me a haircut and shampoo of which I was very badly in need. The rest of this afternoon I sat playing cards with my officer friend and this evening it was my turn to furnish the necessary funds to buy a bottle of whiskey. I gave a friend of mine the 70 P.T. and in a short time he was back with the dope, so consequently we did a lot of talking again tonight ranging from the price of whiskey to whether the railway authorities have the right to confiscate the wondrous stadium for an extension of the Johannesburg Station. We finally decided that Johannesburg had enough railway lines and finished the bottle of whiskey, which we thought, was cheap at any price.

I went to mass at 6.30 this morning and again at 7 this evening. There was rather a large crowd there tonight, more than I have yet seen in church. There are strong rumours circulating here today that our 8th army is once more on the attack and are driving Rommel’s forced from Agheila. The poor devils have my profound sympathy and best wishes for their success. It will be a hard fight as the enemy’s defences there, are narrow and deep but once they have him on the run I don’t think he will stop until 100 miles east of Tripoli at Misurata.

Rommel’s Afrika Korps are now definitely in full retreat westwards. Fortunately the 8th army did not have to battle too hard to dislodge him from his position so now it rests with our air force to annihilate him as he runs. It was utterly miserable today with rather heavy rains towards this evening. To make matters worse the tent, which constitutes our ward leaked. We weren’t frightfully effected by this thought as a bottle of whiskey had made us wet inside so just couldn’t worry about the rain pouring through the tent.

I really expected and looked forward to a letter from my wife today but I am afraid my lucks out. I suppose she is receiving my letter that I wrote from 106 General telling her not to write to me anymore. The night I wrote that they had fair convinced my that by the next night I would be on my ship, now I’m beginning to give up all hope and I simply refuse to listen to anymore rumours. The most prominent up to date are, some say this week, will definitely see us on the water. Some say the 10th of next month while other optimistic brutes say not until April. I prefer now to wait and see.

So today is Dingaan’s day and here I am still waiting without seeming to be any further. I played bridge all morning while this afternoon saw yet more fellows arriving here from 106th general, also waiting for a ship home. At 2 o’clock this morning they brought a fellow in on a stretcher who appeared to me to be suffering from nothing worse than severe intoxication and was not satisfied until he had everyone in the ward awake. I had to remind him several times that there were sick men trying to sleep, men with arms and legs off. It turns out he had been to a dance, got drunk and fallen down a hold or something. I might have guessed he was a base wallah.

My it was bitterly cold during the night and even now it not only looks like rain but I have been compelled to climb beneath the blankets for warmth, yet it is still early in the morning. I went to another debate this evening in which we discussed the prospects and disadvantages of this new Beverage plan concerning a new social and economic order for Great Britain after the war. Of course his, Sir Beverage’s plan has not been accepted by the government yet or even come before the House of Commons or House of Lords. It is merely a proposal, which has obtained a terrific amount of journalistic publicity and is up to the people of Britain to consider it and either accept or reject it. This is the first opportunity I have had in gaining first hand information of the fundamental basic principle of the plan and to my mind it is just nothing touch of paint to a badly worn democratic system. As I have said before our democracy reminds me of an old has been actress and now she is using excessive amounts of cosmetics to regain her youth and beauty. After this war when we are asked if it has been worth it and what have we gained by it we will be told, “we have given you the Beverage plan”. The Beverage plan indeed, what does it entail? A 58/ - a week wage, while the cost of living in England soaring steadily, without any likelihood of them falling for many years after the war. I wonder on what period Sir Beverage bases his figures on – before the war, now or on what he contemplates will be the cost of living after the war. I am afraid I made myself rather unpopular with my argument, nevertheless and notwithstanding the fact that Sir Beverage is a very great economist. I don’t think his plan should be accepted. No I am afraid the whole trouble lies on two points. Our statesmen after ridiculing socialism simply refuse now to accept it whereas we after 3 years in the army definitely would reject anything that impedes our free labour market, yet we would be quiet willing to accept socialism but unfortunately socialism and a free labour market do not go together. I wonder if it would not be possible to derive some new democratic – socialistic system which does entail the two.
We received the excellent news tonight that a portion of the 8th army cut around south and behind the enemy cutting off his retreat. He is now fighting like a madman to get out and our advance has now gone as far as some 100 miles west of Agheila into Tripolitania.

It is one year today since I set foot on Egyptian soil and it is today I learnt the wonderful news that a hospital ship leaving Suez on Sunday. What is more my name is on the list for it. I simply cannot realize it is true, I rushed up to tell my officer friend about it only to be told that he knew and that he would not be going as there was no room left on board. I felt really sorry for him as he was looking forward to this ship coming as much as I was. They had promised him he would definitely be going on the ship but evidently there are only a limited number of berths reserved for officers, and been a British ship, British officers have first preference. Three of us this evening invested 75 piestres in a bottle of whiskey and soda to celebrate our good fortune, which I think, was quite appropriate for the occasion.

It rained very hard indeed this morning but that did not hamper incidents moving very fast. First we were brought our kit and allowed to get dressed in uniform then, all those leaving were put or rather transferred to another ward. As we are leaving for Suez early tomorrow morning it is better if they have us all together as to save them running around to the different wards in the early morning. This afternoon I went and bought two or three presents to take back to South Africa for my wife and aunt. Unfortunately I was unable to get what I really wanted, namely something for my son. There is only one shop here in the hospital grounds and they don’t cater for children, still I may get a chance on the way to Suez tomorrow. All this evening there were scenes of farewells with nurses and sisters coming and going. I still really can’t believe it is true. I slipped up for a few minutes to say farewell to my officer. He was looking very downhearted and I don’t blame him either. I am sure I don’t know how my feelings would be if I was left out of this draught.

Last June when Tobruk fell into German hands it was a big shock, it was even a bigger shock when I heard we had lost nearly the entire South African division there but nothing to the shock I received when I learnt today that General Dan Pienaar was killed yesterday in a plane crash while on his way to the Union from here. I received the sudden feeling that we might as well forget about our army and give up trying to fight. As far as we in the army are concerned he is quite irreplaceable. Oh I don’t say we have not a man left capable of leading our division but a man to win the love as every South African loved and adored General Dan Pienaar. We have lost a great soldier.
We were all loaded into ambulances at 6am this morning after been woken up at 4.30 and taken to Cairo main station where we were put on to an ambulance train. We left Cairo at 7.30 and after 4 hours running we arrived at Ismalia where we were held up for about 1 hour. Eventually leaving there we travelled for about 20 minutes until we struck the Suez Cannel and much to my disgust instead of turning right, we turned left in the direction of Port Said running along the banks of the Cannel to west Qantara where we halted to pick up more men while our engine carried on to Port Said to refuel. 7 o’clock this evening saw us once more back at Ismalia but this time we did not stop there. At last the train got a move on for a change and we eventually were off loaded into the 13th general British hospital, which was situated 2 miles west off Port Suez at 11pm. I am busy writing now, it is just before midnight, I have been put into a bed and they have all scuttled off to get us a midnight supper.

I doubt if I should ever get used to this idea of been in a British hospital. It is not the fact that all the nurses speak with a very broad twang and that they are very different indeed but instead of having 3 straight meals a day like us, here it is 4. Breakfast, lunch and instead of supper at 6 they have what they call tea, consisting of a light meal at 4 and the supper at 7 o’clock. Your entire time seems to be taken up in eating. When I arrived here last night instead of been taken aboard ship my hopes were once more crushed today but today I learnt that we were definitely sailing on Wednesday. Next to me in the ward is an American sailor and most of my leisure is spent in listening to his strong Yankee accent. It rather fascinates me listening to him and of all his ports of call, which range from Panama to China and Cuba to Suez.

Taking for granted that we sail tomorrow and that nothing unforeseen happens, tonight I witnessed what I hope is the last sunset in Egypt. Tomorrow at that time I hope to be well down the Red Sea. It was nothing out of the ordinary as at anytime a sunset in Egypt is, I must reluctantly admit, beautiful but it is the very thought that it is my last. A concert was given in the hospital this afternoon, incidentally by a South African concert party and I think it was the most enjoyable 2 hours I have spent for a very long time. My greatest excitement today was when I had all my Egyptian currency exchanged into South African. I never thought I would ever get used to Egypt’s money but now as I handled and played with good old South African bank notes and silver it seems remotely strange after Egyptian money, which I seem to have grown used to. I suppose I will suffer the same distorted sense of value when I get back to South Africa as I did when I arrived here.

How long have I waited for this moment? No surely it can’t be true? But it is and now that it has come at last I simply cant believe. At 8 o’clock this morning I was taken by ambulance to Port Suez where in due course we were loaded into lighters that took us out to our hospital ship, which was riding at anchor in the bar. All being loaded up by midday at 12.30 we got underway. All the men rushed to have what they hope to be their last look at Egypt and although my bed has a port hole situated next to it not once did I chance to glance out of it until we were well out of sight of land. I have seen all I want of Egypt and have no inclination for “one last look”. The M.S. Orange is a very large beautiful luxury liner manned by Dutch, being a Holland ship while the nurses, sisters and general hospital staff are all N.Z. or Australians, apart from a few of the nurses who came from the Netherlands and being able to speak very little English. There being a few S. Africans on board. This evening the sister brought one of these Netherlands’ girls around and asked who was S. African. When I answer in the affirmative I was promptly introduced to a girl who was a most charming brunette. She immediately sat down on my bed after asking me if I minded and commenced to jabber away in her native language, which, with my knowledge of Afrikaans and my very little German was able to understand rather well. She was quite pleased been able to talk to someone in her own tongue that she promised to come and see me again. I was greatly amazed when the sister told me today that not only will they be in Durban for Old Years day but they will have us off loaded. That means 8 days and considering it took us 18 to come here but than this ship is more than twice as big as the Landoff. The truth about the food is it is the finest I have tasted since I left home over a year ago and everything about the ship itself is absolute luxury personified. I understand she started on her maiden voyage from Amsterdam early in 1939 and has been on it ever since, having never been back as shortly afterwards Holland fell into the hands of the Nazis. This evening we put our watches forward half an hour, which in itself is proof of the speed we are maintaining.

The doctor blankly refused all my requests to be allowed up even if only to be allowed to sit on the promenade deck, must to my annoyance and disgust. Still, I suppose he knows better but it is so terribly hot lying in bed not withstanding the fact that we cant be more than half way down the Red Sea and apart from that, after all this is Christmas eve.
This evening as I lay in bed my thoughts were more deeply concentrated than ever before on my wife and son. I could picture them at home – this evening, and my darling wife antagonised with the thought of my absence from her more so at this time of the year. And yet, a funny thing happened every time I pictured my wife and son in my mind, there was not just my son but two of him, just like him. I was in a perfectly normal sense of mind but nevertheless each time I pictured him, perhaps it was only for a minor fraction of a second, I could see two children and they were both mine. Strange but true.
At 11 o’clock this evening I was awoken by distant women voices singing carols. Just oh, ever so faintly. No I was sure I was not dreaming. Nothing is wrong with my mind surely. “Hark the Herald Angels”, and “Silent Night”. And as I listened they increased in volume, they were coming nearer. There was a beautiful full moon casting its beams through my porthole and upon the shimmering waters without. Then it happened, dozens of nurses and sisters filed past my bed and the beds of my comrades singing as they went – “Silent night Holy night”, oh what a noble effort on their part.
A midnight mass was being held forward on the promenade deck, starboard, so after speaking ever so nicely to my nurse to allow me to go ( I think it was my being able to speak to her in her own language that did the trick as she is from the Netherlands ) she helped me to dress and then went out in advance of me, acting as a spy to see there were no prying sisters about to chase me back to bed. My day is now most appropriately complete, I have attended midnight Mass.

This morning each of us woke up to our utter surprise we found attached to each bed a stocking in well and true Father Christmas fashion, each containing a pair of socks, face cloth and packet of sweets. Later in the morning a padre came around enquiring if I had any requests of my favourite music I would like him to have played over the ships radio for my benefit. My answer was prompt and it was not long before I was listening to those beautiful strains of Schubert’s Serenade. Dinner was excellent but rather than do the impossible in trying to describe it I prefer to simply to make a copy of the menu.:

Due to an unfortunate breakdown with the engines this morning we were held up for four hours and have since had to cut our speed down. This may cause us a day or two delay in reaching Durban in which case we shan’t make it for old years day unless of course we are able to make it up again but I doubt it. Up until now the weather has kept very well indeed. However we may have a change now as late this afternoon we rounded the Cape Horn, coming out of the Gulf of Aden into the open Indian Ocean. For the first time, today I was permitted to go on deck but only by way of the lift of which there are many. My former statement of this ship being luxury personified was definitely not overestimated. This evening a bioscope was held in the dining saloon, needless to say I attended and enjoyed it too.

Today is the fifth day aboard and brings me one day nearer to home. It is quite impossible for me to even try and imagine that in one weeks time perhaps I shall be hold my wife and looking down at my son. Oh what a grand thought if only I could bring myself to believe it were true. Instead I feel as though I am but dreaming it.
All afternoon I lay in leisure on the promenade deck looking out over the sea, which is as calm as a millpond, and having tea and cake served me. I am quite sure I caught a glimpse of the Southern Cross this evening, only faintly but nevertheless I am quite sure it was it. A wonderful sight to me that I have been longing to see for a long time. It helps to convince me that I am really going home. I am all keyed up for tomorrow night to come so that I may once more look out for it. I should be able to see it more plainly.

I spent practically the entire day on deck even to having my lunch brought up and served me there. It has been a beautiful day with not even as much as a ripple in the ocean. But nevertheless I received rather a disappointment today when I was told by the ships padre that we are not expected to arrive before Friday (1st Jan) now instead of Wednesday as originally expected. It will undoubtedly be a fine started for the New Year but then there is another snag; I believe dock workers do not work on New Years day so that will mean spending the day on the ship in which case I do hope I can at least get to a telephone so as to ring my wife up and wish her happy new year. Oh, what a grand surprise it will be for her. I wonder if she has any idea at all as to my coming home. There was a cinema show once more this evening in the dining saloon and after it I went once more up onto the deck to do a little more star gazing and sure enough there was my beloved Southern Cross once more only a little more prominent than last night. Strange to say I am not sure whether we have crossed the equator yet.

Yet again today I spent the entire day on deck, even to having lunch. I went down at about 5 o’clock but found the heat too intense so after supper I came up on deck once more to gaze out into the night with my thoughts and to catch as much as possible of the soft gentle breeze. At 8 this morning we were all gathered together in the dining saloon to air our lungs and indulge in some community singing. We cant be very far from Durban now and I believe we dock early Friday morning for definite. Already we have started each night to put our watches back so that is a sure sign that we are moving west. This should be approx. where the “Landoff Castle” was sank by Jap submarines last month. I do hope we have no trouble.
Three days to go and I shall be arriving back, back in Durban from where I set forth 13 months ago to seek adventure and to, if necessary give my life for what to me is my Beau Ideal (?) I should have hated the thought of arriving back with defeat on my mind or the thought that there is something left that I could have done. I have come back with victory smiling on me, yes smiling. I left with our 8th army in hot pursuit of the bashed, scattered and defeated enemy tearing for all it is worth across Tripolitania in a mad last effort to get away and survive our smashing blows. Meanwhile the mighty Russian army is doing likewise, killing thousands upon thousands of Germans and destroying their evil war machine.

There has been a heavy swell running all day and the ship has been tossing and rolling without a stop. All around me I can see white-faced individuals fighting hard against seasickness. As I write now there is a slight rain falling and already I can smell South Africa in the air. So cool and refreshing after the sweltering day. A concert of mixed talent of the ships crew staff and patients was held this evening. Rather amateurish nevertheless it helped to while away a few hours and bring our time of arrival in Durban closer. It is quite difficult for me and I do think it would be just as difficult for any experienced writer to describe my feelings but anyone who has been away from his home, wife and children for so long a period would appreciate this and understand.

Old Years day – to me it is the close of a black year of my life, which will take a lot of living down. I am sure it will be easy for me to put it behind me once I meet my darling wife and dear son again. It will be easy to forget everything else when I am with them. This morning broke just like any other morning with the sun streaming through my porthole. The most of it I spent on deck, straining my eyes trying to piece the horizon in the hopes of perhaps just catching a glimpse of the S. African coast but I was just not that fortunate. This evening was very much the same and I don’t think there was a man who could get around under his own power who was not on deck. I don’t think I am wrong in saying that all our thoughts are based on one word – home. It has developed into a stormy night with severe lightning, rain and heavy choppy sea, which caused the ship to be tossed around like a cork. I lay in bed but every few minutes I was up and looking out of the porthole in the hopes of perhaps seeing the lights of Durban, although I don’t think that is possible on account of the blackout in Durban. This went on until about half past 11 when I went out into the companionway where I waited until a minute passed twelve when I strolled back to bed in true Halloween fashion. The first words I uttered to myself were “Happy New Year my darling wife and son.” I do hope she heard me. If only she knew how really close I am to her at this moment. Not only spiritually but actually.