June 1942

We do not know yet if our tanks have gone into Jerry yet. The brigadier has told us that he does not want any infantry around as it will be slaughter so we packed up and went back to our old place at Gazala. Tonight I heart that our 150th brigade has been wiped out. They stood and fought a mighty German army and every man is a hero even at the very last when every bit of ammunition was finished and they were completely over run they did not surrender but fixed their bayonets and charged the German tanks. Such bravery will live forever. After they were wiped out they did not send a message back to say they were beaten but “We will not require anymore ammunition”. Our guns roared all day and Jerry must have received a terrific pounding.
We go post today.

Machine guns started rattling early this morning and artillery roared the whole day through. We have still not had any news of the tanks of our column. It is a rotten day today what with the terrific heat and a dense sandstorm blowing.
The engineers started to lay a minefield across the front of us to form a defensive line to protect our front line from an attack from the rear. Jerry shelled us all afternoon.

The weather improved today and I believe our tanks went into Jerry this morning at point 209 and I understand we lost 3 tanks to 17 Jerry. The Free French have pushed out from Bir Hacheim to a place S.W. of Temrad which is right on Jerry’s front line so that should prove a great hindrance to him. We had 2 raids today consisting of 25 stu8kkas in each and all their bombs fell in one spot. The earth seemed to lift and tremble as about 75 bombs fell to earth. Just towards sundown another 25 came over us low making their way towards Bir El Tamer (This is the ridge 3 miles west of Knights Bridge which we held and where our tanks are now engaged in a bloody battle.) Jerry converts this ridge and is fighting desperately to gain control of it as from a topographical point of view it is of great strategically value.

Yesterday’s Stukka raids cost Jerry 7 planes and all he did was to damage two trucks of ours so it is proving pretty costly for him at that rate. As we were having a bit to eat at about 6 o’clock tonight 3 messerschmitts swooped down and machine-gunned us. It was so quick that I was dumbfounded and was unable to anything but stand. They must have been using explosive bullets because they went off with a bang as they hit the ground around me. As they flew over they dropped 7 very small bombs but they missed me by a large margin. Shortly afterwards from out of the south the sky was darkened with German Bombers (J.U. 88) for the minute I thought the whole German air force had arrived. There were 25 bombers in 3 formations escorted by about the same number of fighters. We let go with everything from rifles, Tommy guns and machine guns to Beau forts and the entire sky was alive with shells and lead. I saw two get hit but the one just seemed to fall apart in the air. Three pilots bailed out and we took two of them prisoner who landed in our lines but the third, his parachute failed to open and he was bashed to the earth. It was a ghastly sight and not the kind of think I would like to see again.

A fierce tank battle is raging at Bir El Tamar which lies about EES 10 miles from here and the sky was lit up with bright flares from that direction while guns roared from about 2am. All of a sudden at 5 this morning just about every heavy gun we have on our Gazala front opened up. The noise was terrific and quite frightening. For the minute I thought Jerry had started a frontal attack on us but it turned out to be that the Natal Carabineers (?) made an attack under a screen of artillery fire on an enemy position. We suffered 35 wounded and 5 killed but brought back 55 prisoners not to mention the hundreds of enemy left behind killed.
Two of our Tommy Hawk fighters pancaked down in our lines today. I believe he had a scrap with a Messerschmitt and the pilots were wounded. I know the one pilot had a bullet wound in the leg.

This morning was a miserable hot dusty day but this afternoon we all got the surprise of our lives when it actually rained. And boy did it rain! It came down solid for half an hour and consequently everything (which is not much) that I ever possessed is soaking wet and it was only my quick action that saved this diary from destruction so tonight I have just got to sit around all night in a great coat as my blankets are drenched. We did not mind so much getting wet ourselves as it was so cool and clean and whatever tin or receptacle we could lay our hands on we set up to try and catch as much of the rain water as possible because as the saying goes “gold is where you find it” and to us in the desert, water is gold.
The one Tommy hawk that was shot down in our lines yesterday was piloted by Major Frost and he reckons that it was us that shot him down not a Messerschmitt. Our 42 R.T.R. sailed into Jerry today with 30 tanks at El Tamar. I am very sorry to say only 15 came out and they were all damaged too.

At 5 o’clock this morning, we (the 1st S.A division consisting of 1st, 2nd, 3rd brigade) advanced westwards under a screen put up by our artillery with intentions of clearing the Jerry’s out of new positions, which he had just moved into. The 1st brigade gained its objective but with little success and had to withdraw. The 2nd brigade were not able to advance too far before they struck heavy shellfire and the 3rd brigade suffered 150 casualties. My regiment suffered 3 wounded and 5 prisoners of war so on the whole we had a very bad day and suffered badly. At the moment the greatest and bloodiest battle ever to be fought in Libya is taking place at Knights Bridge, which is only a few miles from where I am now. It is all very well to just write or read about a bloody battle-taking place but to see it is to realize the real meaning of the word bloody. Men are being killed, slaughtered, bashed and blown to bits. I have seen the remains of men being lifted out of a tank after a fight, with the head, arms and chest blown away, only the lower part of his body and legs are left to put in his desert grave, which is his only reward. I have seen others with their head still attached to their body but their whole face blown away. No chin, mouth, nose or eyes and yet he has still been alive. Mutilated remains of men scattered over the sandy wastes. That is war. Deadly, ghastly devastating, sickly, wicked, cruel. I just cannot find enough words to describe it. It is something I pray to my Almighty that my son shall never see or go through what I have. That is why I am fighting this war so that I may be able to make it safe for my son and my wife to live in.

We captured 600 Italians this morning. They are a rotten miserable lot of individuals. They are tough guys as long as they are on top but as soon as they come across anybody that stands up and puts up a bit of a fight they come screaming for mercy with their hands high in the air. Reports from our fellows who were prisoners and then relieved by us when we captured Bengazi and Derma say the Italians treated them like dogs, taking from them all their watches, boots, rings and whatever they could but if there was a German about he made the Italian give the prisoner his things back and on the whole the Germans treated our fellows very well. The Italians have a new trick now – they dropped pamphlets over our lines today with the springbok badge on and words to the effect that Britain was making slaves out of us and the O.B. was quite justified in what they were doing because the O.B’s realized that England was only making use of us. It said the O.B. was tearing up the Union and that it was up to us to demand to go home and stop fighting because it was useless for us to carry on. It said that our wives and families needed us at home. That is how the Italians try to break our moral but the might as well save their energy as the plane that dropped the pamphlets never returned home. We turned all our machine guns on it and blasted it out of the sky.

Three Messerschmitts swooped down low over us this morning and machine-gunned everything in their way. We have caused Jerry to withdraw into the gap and Knights Bridge has been occupied by us but not without severe loss to both Jerry and us. He has made several attempts to dislodge the Free French at El Hacheim but thank goodness they have repulsed every attack. Those Free French must be going through hell at the moment. I have seen some very strange sights here, I have seen tough guys crack up atheists turn religious but generally speaking the most men are quite prepared to resign himself to his fate and take whatever comes and lays before him. Great acts of heroism seems to taken a great deal for granted in the English Army whereas we S. Africans think we are wonderful for any little thing we do. This great fight that is now raging does not seem to be making much decision but is swaying backwards and forwards. We do not see much of our aircraft these days but I suppose they have their work cut out trying to assist the French in the south of our line.

Jerry started off this morning by giving us a Stuka raid but most bombs fell in our divisional area, about 400 yards away. Anybody who has never yet been in a stuka dive-bombing attack yet may pray to God they never have the misfortune, because it scares your stomach into ice water and gives your heart palpitations. Oh yes it will, it does it to every body and you just can’t help it. They come whining down at you and it seems like they are coming right out of heaven itself. You can hear them screaming and tearing the sky wide open – screeching as though the whole hell is up behind them pushing. That is what makes your brain feel like its tearing apart inside your skull and the sweat bursts out from all over you. They seem to come right at you, you alone. Out of everybody why must they pick you? That is what maddens your brain and you go pretty mad when they start – tells you that they have seen you and are coming right down to you, tearing and screaming like all the frenzied devils of hell to blast you right off the face of the earth. You feel your whole stomach fall through the ground and the sweat streams from your tortured mind. Poof! And you begin to breath once more as they move on to refill with more terror striking cargo only to return later. I suppose it all comes in the day’s work of a soldier but the folk back home would not understand the real meaning of “Stuka raid,” as words mean nothing.
The Free French are evacuation Bir Hacheim tonight. That garrison has gone through hell now for 14 days and there is only a brigade of them but they have held on through attack after attack.

The Free French has had to fight its way out of Hacheim under heavy machine gun fire. One portion of the F.F. is the Free French Foreign Legion who are the fighters of the world and the scum of the world but every one is a man and for 15 minutes at one time last night they fought the Germans with their bare fists. Now that Jerry has control of Hacheim it shortens our line and gives him a clear passage to the north (Tobruk). If he gains this objective we shall be completely surrounded.

We never received our beer ration this week. I believe Jerry bombed the truck bringing it up to us. Of all the trucks that come up from Egypt everyday why did he have to pick on the one bringing our beer? We have had to pull a lot of men and equipment out of our front line and send it to Tobruk as Jerry is going all out to get that port, but I am quite confident that he won’t. It would not surprise me to see us evacuating here (Gazala) before long. As a matter of fact we have held it longer than I thought we would. Jerry and our artillery were talking all night and at times a petrol tin I have in my trench with me would rattle with the vibrations caused from the explosions of Jerry 88mm.

Our front line must be very weak as more men and guns left today in an attempt to cut Jerry off from Tobruk and as a whole the position is not good although we hear news to the contrary. I hear England and America have concluded a pact to combine all their resources for the duration of the war. I think this is the first stage towards Federal Union of which I have already written and it shall, I am sure continue after the war as I once wrote that I thought it to be the only solution to a new and better world order. Jerry shelled us all night through. It was intense and he seems to be all around us as the shells were coming from all angles.

The position looks bad and at 11 o’clock we were ordered to be ready to move as a general withdraw had been ordered. Our whole army has to withdraw down the coast road towards Tobruk but there is fear of them being attacked while they are withdrawing by Jerry who is just south of Acroma and commonwealth Free (point 209) on a ridge known as Eluet et Tamar. A force of our artillery was sent to Acroma and it was decided to put a “detached Post” at point 209 to fight any rear guard flank actions to enable our army to withdraw safely down the coast road. A Detached Post is a force, which is put into a position and left there to fight to the last round of ammunition and to the last man (suicide). Our platoon together with 4 2 pound anti tank guns were ordered as a detached post to fight and hold point 209 to the last man. We set out and arrived at 209 at 2 o’clock. I looked out to the south, towards Eluet et Tamar and observed Jerry, black and massive in the distance. At 5.30 we received a wireless message from division to evacuate and make for Tobruk as best we could. We were all so thankful I think we all said a little prayer.
We set out for Tobruk, my truck leading along the road towards Acroma. What struck us all as being very funny although we did not think so at the time was our artillery and A/T guns were all lined up right along the top of the escarpment and were firing shell after shell at Jerry and he was answering while our entire army were withdrawing along the coast road but no trouble to us to sail right in between our guns and Jerry.
We arrived at Tobruk and as I looked down on it I witnessed a whole army on the move. What a massive sight, tanks, trucks, guns, all going like hell, there must have been millions of them. We reported to div. HQ and were only told to go like hell for a place known as Gabr El Meduar, 10 miles west of Ridotta Capuzzo and 70 miles east from here. It was very dark by now so we had to use all our knowledge of a compass and map and were once more on the road until we arrived at Gambut at 3 o’clock in the morning. We decided to have a couple of hours sleep.

Woke up at half past five with the noise of all the transport racing along the road. Everybody seems to be racing and nobody seems to know where they are going. I still feel very tired as I have only had 2.5 hours sleep. Anyway we joined in the long string of traffic and made our way along the main Bardia Road and then turned off into the desert. At Sidi Azerz an mp told us that he had been ordered to send all 1st S.A. division over the Egyptian frontier but we continued on with our own little army which now nobody seemed to want and went to Gabr el Meduar. There we met the S. Major. – Of the four guns which were with us, he told us that he did not know what to do and thought it was best for us to go right through to Matruh so started the Matruh handicap. Passed through Ridotta Capuzzo at 3pm and on across the Libyan/Egyptian border. We used the Halzaya Pass and went down unto Salum arriving there at about 5.30 so we had a swim to get some of the weeks dirt off and just lay down on the beach in Salum and slept solid right through the night and believe me I could do with it as I was tired out and my eyes were in a very bad state.
Fort Capuzzo is raised to the ground and there is not a building standing more than 12 inches high. Halzaya is very pretty and I can quite understand why Jerry was able to hold it so long as it is one firm defensive fortification. As you come to the edge of the cliff to go down the pass you can see Salum way down below you, nestled on the shores of the Mediterranean with the high steep cliffs rising out of the sea as it were with Salum right in the hollow.

Arose after a good nights rest and after a bit of hastily prepared breakfast we set off for Matruh, leaving Solum at about 9am. Gosh, it is nice been back in Egypt again, I thought Egypt was the worst hole on earth but it is heaven after Libya and not only that, you are inclined to have a feeling of safety and security after having been on your toes and nerve ends for all these months, not knowing when Jerry was going to attack us and from which direction. Although for all that I actually felt very bad indeed for coming out of the fight and coming to Egypt not that we could do anything about it but I suggested to my officer that we take a chance and go in with our little column to see if perhaps we cant find a few Jerry tanks running wild and sort of have a little war on our own but he declined and I quite understand his position.
We passed through Sidi Barrani at 11.30 this morning and hit Matruh at 3 o’clock. We found somewhere to park our little army and went to try and find someone who could tell us what to do. Found rear Div HQ but they could not tell us anything as they knew less than us as to what was happening but told us to stay right where we were and if anything turned up or if they could contact our regiment they would let us know and then we could join them. So we settled down on the beach at Smugglers Cove.

Still no information as regards to the where abouts of our regiment so we continue to sit. I went in and had a swim in the sea at 6am and then went off with my officer to try and find a pay officer, which we did and managed to get £1 each for all our fellows. The next job we did this morning was find a ration point for food and then went and spent our £1 on beer from a N.A.A.F.I and so indulged in the first good beer drink for months, as a matter of fact the first since we left Matruh the last time.

Arose at 6am and wrote a letter to my wife and then had a swim. Still no orders have come for us. This afternoon they located the battery of the 4 guns that are with us, so this afternoon they set off to regain their unit which I believe is at Sofafi but we are still orphans. This is really very bad organisation. A Rear Divisional Head Quarters do not even know where their divisions are operating.

Still have not managed to locate our Regiment, a couple of men of our unit came straggling in here today and they tell us that B Company had to fight its way all the way out of Gazala and that our A company took to the sea and had to be picked up by destroyers so it looks as though our platoon is the only one that came out intact and whole and yet it was us who were supposed to fight the flanking rear guard actions and I think our company thinks that we are all wiped out.
The weather is cruel it is so hot. I had a swim before 6am when I finished breakfast. I was in the water again until midday. Had lunch, went in the sea all afternoon and again after supper until about 8.45pm.

Woke up at 2am this morning with a terrific din going on. There must have been 20 searchlights lighting the sky up as well as flashes of our 3.7 A.A. guns and the shells were bursting just above us. I was unable to spot the Jerry planes although I could hear it. Anyway I turned over and went to sleep again. It appears although the 9th army has arrived from Syria and Iran as today I saw a lot of New Zealanders, also the 10th Army seems to have sprung up from nowhere as the place is over run with Indians consisting of Punjabs, Sikhs and Girkers and a fine lot of fellows they are too. In that case we must have 3 army corps in Libya now so I am quite confident of the ultimate outcome of this issue. In the meantime we have still not got any information as to our units’ whereabouts. My section all went and had a swim at 10.30 tonight.

There was a very heavy dew this morning so that means it is going to be a very hot day today. The position is not too good around Tobruk. It is being held by the 2nd S.A division and there are rumours that they have fallen. Jerry must be terrifically strong otherwise it is a very poor show indeed. New Zealanders came in by the thousands tonight and it is a good sight to behold, it may mean that the S.A. are been pulled right out now to go into tanks as General Smuts promised. We caught quite a few fair sized fish this afternoon with the aid of hand grenades, so had fried fish for supper.

Awoke this morning to see the road smothered with transport, all headed eastwards. Nobody seems to tell you anything or give you any information or orders, you just have to watch and guess. We got in touch with Division HQ only to find they had already evacuated Matruh and everything had been taken over by New Zealanders. A captain told us that all S.A.’s had been withdrawn to El Alamein and advised us to make for that place. Really this is all a very bad show indeed and the sooner we have a revolution inside our army and get rid of some of these men who are running around with high positions, the better, as they are not capable of holding their jobs. We got on the road and joined the choked flow of traffic eastwards and for at least 100 miles as we rode, the road was streaming with New Zealand and Indian lorried infantry and guns of heavy calibre all going to Mutrah. I have never in all my life seen so much equipment and trucks or men. We arrived at El Daba at 5pm. Filled up with petrol at a supply point, had a beer at a N.A.A.I there and continued for a further 6 miles where we stopped to put up for the night. Both the 4th and 6th brigades of the 2nd S.A. Division are or rather have been taken prisoner by Jerry at Tobruk together with the 11th Indians. It is a crying shame and S.A. has certainly suffered a big knock. The 11th Indians were the lot that division wanted to attack us to when we reported to them at Tobruk after our withdrawal from 209 but something or other turned up that prevented us and so once again fate was on our side and we escaped being either killed or prisoners.
Today I have seen just about every nationality of soldiers in the war, from the Free French, The Foreign Legion to New Zealanders and from Indians (all creeds) to Sudanese and Egyptian troops. I have rubbed up against soldiers from ever corner of the earth.

Today completes my sons first year of life in this cruel world. My whole thoughts are centred on him and my wife far away at a place called home which is so dear in my heart. Oh! If only I could be with them for today and tomorrow which is our wedding day, I would give anything in this world. I do not know what today’s diary will be like as neither my mind nor my thoughts are on my writing but far away with my family.
We set out once more at 8am. The road still choked with traffic roaring along westwards, and we arrived at Alamein at 10am. We made several enquires and after a lot of trouble managed to find where our Div HQ was parked. There we were greeted with, “Hello, what are you doing here, we thought you were in the bag?” It was them that had sent us on the detached job to 209 and they knew there was no escape for us but, well, here we are, whole and intact. They told us to park in the desert and that our unit should be coming in today sometime so here we are waiting once more. At 4pm one truck of our unit came in. They have also been running around loose. I believe there is a bit of a village in this place somewhere but up to now I have not seen anything other than, well just desert. I understand the people of Britain are demanding an enquiry as to the African front and why are we always fighting against such terrific odds. My only comment is – its about time, we have pushed Jerry and Italians twice now across hundreds of miles of desert and then just when victory has been about to be ours we stop the chase and pull all the way back again. What is going on? Is there a weak link in our command somewhere that they cannot organise our supplies better or what is it? Why not get rid of all these brass hats that are not capable of holding their positions. Forget the old school tie and get someone who can do the job and someone who will get down to business.

Today marks the third year of my marriage to my dear, dear wife and mother of my beloved son. Our supreme happiness has only been marred by a bloody conflict caused by an over ambitious dictator and a hand full of capitalists who should never have allowed Germany to rise to the power and strength she has. All day I seemed to be and move in a trance because my mind was just not with my body but many thousands of miles away. I have spent the whole day doing nothing but devoting every single energy of thought I could muster on my darling wife. Oh! My God why must we suffer this separation like this? Why must two people who love one another so dearly be parted like this?
Were ordered to move this afternoon to a point about 13 kilo’s south of Alamein. Arrived there and all afternoon saw bits and pieces of our unit come in, although our company has still not come in today. Met one of our officers who had managed to salvage about 60 gallons of rum which was to be blown up in Libya before Jerry got it, so I had a couple of tots of rum and hell it was strong. It just about blew my head off. So now I am feeling rather light headed.

We still lie waiting, meanwhile Jerry is drawing close to Matruh and we have not had a real chance to defend our 2nd division and retain our name. I can’t make out what went wrong for the Germans took Tobruk with 30,000 men. Surely with 30,000 men they could have put up a fight yet I believe the poor devils never even had a chance to fight, I would like to know the exact details of the affair in which I am positive there is some dirty work and we are going to see some general getting his walking ticket. We met the rest of our company today and at last received some post, also met old men of mine who left me at Alodem who have now been brought back to the unit but to another company.

Jerry was around today during the night and dropped a few eggs. We received a further issue of clothes today. I think they are actually piling all this kit on to us to save them from carrying it. I believe we have to move into a position and remain there until we are relieved by some new force and then we shall go right back to base to be re-equipped and organised but I do not know when that will be. Actually we could do with a new fitting out as all our stuff is obsolete. We are out of date in everything even to our tactics. Instead of us keeping streets ahead of Jerry we are just trying to keep up with him. (7 letters from home)

Received a ration of beer today and was quite thankful for it, beer comes next to water in the desert and just about as scarce. We were ordered to standby to move and eventually moved to a point 12 west arriving there in the moonlight and also in the middle of a big air raid. Jerry dropped a few bombs and scored a direct hit on an ammunition dump. I have never seen such a fine firework display as the ammunition dump burning. Jerry machine-gunned us all night and you could see the streaks of machine bullets flying up and down our columns. At night machine gunning looks very pretty and I think every bit of ammunition that Jerry uses is tracer. The bullets have phosphorous at the back of them therefore they leave a trail of light behind them.

The position is very bad at the moment and we are busy pulling out all our big stuff from Matruh. Jerry has broken our line, which we had established from Matruh to Quatara so now we have to form up on our second defensive line from Alamein to Quatara. If we go on at this rate it will not be long before we are fighting Jerry at Suez but as long as we have still one foot in Egypt and one in the Red Sea we shall still fight him. Tonight is the worst night I have had in Egypt. German aircraft spent the whole night flying up and down our lines plastering us with bombs and machine gun bullets. It is ghastly as we can see the enemy plane flying over us in the full moon light and a full moon in Egypt means something next to daylight. The next think we can hear the string of bombs coming, will the next lot hit me? This is what goes through your mind as you can hear them coming, whistling to earth, a devastating load of destruction. An eerie high pitched whistle slowly getting nearer and nearer then a sudden series of heart bursting, tearing, ripping explosions that cause your very teeth to rattle and then – poof. I live again and you wipe the sweat off your forehead. We, from our platoon have sent out a recci tonight to be shown our new positions, which we are to occupy tomorrow. The days are terribly hot and I do not know how much my eyes will stand it as they are finished.

Moved this morning and took up position around Alamein with the entire 1st S.A. division. We were told things were in a bad way at Matruh and Jerry was on his way. So now after been withdrawn all this way we now find ourselves hold a front line. Were issued orders – first to prepare to defend Alamein for 10 days also to be prepared to burn all our equipment should Jerry break through us. Two hours later we were issued our second order to stand by 10 minutes notice to go out in a column – we are going to crack Jerry. Late tonight we were given our third order that was to be ready to leave for Amariya at 4 tomorrow morning and that is our army, they love giving orders and they love changing them and nobody seems to know what they are doing. It is about time we got somebody on the job that does know. Morale among men bad.

We carried out at least one of the orders of yesterday although the time was out by 2 hours. At 6 o’clock this morning we set out east moving for a few miles along the road and then cutting into the desert for about 60 miles and at 6pm we halted a few miles south east of Amariya for the night. At 9 o’clock a single raider came over us, and off loaded his entire load of 10 bombs on our platoon. Three of our fellows are badly wounded, one corporal having the one cheek of his buttock sliced off, a piece of shrapnel went right through another’s leg and a third fellow caught it in the back. All told there were 9 casualties in our battalion and our trucks were riddled with shrapnel holes. We worked till very late trying to do what we could in stopping blood of the wounded. Some of our fellows promptly took their blankets and slept the night in the holes in the ground make by the bombs working on the prophecy that no bomb ever falls in the same place twice so now they think they are safe there for the night. Jerry must of given Alexandria a bad raid tonight as we could see the Alex’s searchlight and scanning the sky all night through.