November 1942

I slept like a top right through the night and for the first time since I sustained my injury I did not have to be encouraged to sleep with morphine injections or sleeping draughts. Today I managed a letter to my wife in which I endeavoured to tell her the events of last Monday night, I do hope she does not worry to any great extent on my behalf as I hate to cause her any anxiety as she is such a darling and so undeserving of it.

It appears my foot leg has become terribly swollen and my plaster being made to measure fit does certainly not allow for this consequently I spent a beastly night. These days I simply dread the thought of nightfall as it means a period of sleeplessness combined with great agony in which my thoughts and mind are more than active. I managed to clear up a point today that puzzled me for quite a time. Each night while I was in the line, regular as clockwork at 11 o’clock our artillery used to stage a “shoot”. Now our leaders are very farsighted and it turns out that a German Lady with the reputation of being the daughter of Germany sings a soldiers lover song by the name of Marlene to the German soldiers. My informant who has personally listened to the song tells me it tends to have a great moral effect on one suffering the great hardships and solitude of war due to the method this lady adopts in singing it. However when ever each night just as our German friends are about to settle down to their beloved good night Marlene they have an accompliment of 25 pounder shells with it which, I thought, must have a great effect not only on their morale but their strength too as at that period they must all be gathered around a wireless in large groups.

Already I am bored still with lying on my back and just long to get up and about again but I am afraid my broken leg wont permit that although I got a fellow to bring me a pair of crutches and I made an attempt to get to the end of the ward. It tired me out completely and consequently caused my leg to throb. I don’t think I will attempt anything foolish like that again now for a long time. I sometimes wish to goodness I could have this plaster cast taken off as it is a terrific weight. Another convoy of casualties arrived in the early hours of this morning so the hospital staff were rushed off their feet again all day again, as a matter of fact I never even saw a doctor today which is most unusual as he is in everyday to see me.

I spent a quiet restful day today and slept well all night. Still I have no letters from home, which, for obvious reasons causes me no end of anxiety. Oh how I live for my wife’s letters as it seems all I have left to hang on to.
The radio these days are not explicit with its news. Today’s bulletins say that our air force spent the entire day bombing enemy transports moving west, so from that I surmise that we have Jerry on the run. Frankly I would not be at all surprised to hear of him making a general withdrawal after the terrific beating we have given him in the last few days although it is in complete discordance with our high commanders desires as they would like to make a stand to enable us to fight and destroy him. I have full confidence in seeing within the next few days a big force of ours coming in from lake Chad regions in the south to cut off his withdrawal. Possibly that force is just waiting until we get him on the run and in a state of disorganization.

Guy Fawks day dawned and with it came the following very stirring message of congratulations to us from the Prime Minister of Britain, Mr Churchill and many more followed from other great leaders. I quote – “I send you my most warm congratulations upon the fresh distinctions gained by the South African Division under General Pienaar in the new Battle of Egypt. They have played a glorious part in what may well become a distinctive victory.”
In General Montgomery’s message of congratulations to us he ended with “I hope you continue to kill Germans.”
For myself, being a South African I am not going to write here what great part I think we played but I think these words of Mr. Churchill speak for themselves. The enemy is now definitely on the run and I am confident it is his end, we are going to smash him. Oh why am I held up with this gammy leg, why can’t I be in at the kill? I am so terribly proud of being an English South African, I want to get into the fight again. This life is boring me stiff, all I do night and day is lay on my back. If only I could walk.

It has been a complete victory, the Germans are fleeing for all they are worth westwards and in their desperate efforts to escape our advancing army they are taking all the available transport leaving the Italians behind to their fate without means of conveyance. Meanwhile our planes are smashing them in their flight, our tanks are already operating south west of Mersa Matruh over a hundred miles away and the desert every where is literally littered with dead. There are three Italian divisions trapped about to be mapped up and up to date we have taken over 20,000 prisoners as well as 360 tanks, destroyed 400 guns and thousands of trucks. The infantry has played a great part in this battle. As I look back now to the three days that I was in the flight before I got wounded it was ghastly yet strangely I never thought so at the time, but the cruel realization when each day we took count of the dead bodies laying around us, the intermitted bursts of machine gunfire, the terrific shell fire and the continuous bombing and strafing, tragic but secretly adventurous, inspiring that feeling of might, seeing that supposed super military machine crumble under our advance. One feels a great pride in being a part of this great empire.

Still no mail from home so today I dispatched yet another letter to my regiment urging them not to delay as far as possible in forwarding my letters on to me. Of course I don’t know what sort of a predicament they are in at present. Frightfully busy I should imagine as over and above the 20,000 prisoners reported yesterday, the tree Italian divisions waiting to be mopped up has now risen to five divisions and all day long can be seen thousands of the enemy straggling in gasping for water. Even to scores of Italians driving their own trucks asking the way to the prisoner of war cages. My leg has been terribly irritable today and the most unfortunate part is I am unable to bend my leg to get it into a comfortable position, the plaster being well above my knee and not allowing for that. If only I could take a walk outside and see the surroundings for five minutes. I would be satisfied. I am absolutely sick of lying on my back and looking at the roof of this tent and the bed opposite with its occupant as fit as a fiddle and dashing all over the place.

The Yanks are here! Under the hours of darkness a terrific force of American troops landed in Algiers and French Morocco but there is more in this move besides trapping the Rommel army in North Africa between our advancing 8th army and the Americans in Morocco. As I can see the picture as it appears to me when once the enemy forces have been cleared out of Africa we will have forged a solid block around Germany and Italy. From the very top of England right around the North African coast to Greece and Russia in the east. The Germans have a solid fortified defensive line along the occupied French coast on the channel. Well why not set up our own French government on French soil in Africa under de Gaulle then get a foot hold on the continent for the second front through unoccupied France across the Mediterranean. The time of one-sided neutrality are past. Why will the fools continue to resist us, don’t they realise yet that we are their only hopes of liberation from slavery. Meanwhile here in Egypt we have now taken 40,000 prisoners as well as 6 Italian divisions now waiting to be rounded up, complete with Generals and equipment. The 8th army has undoubtedly down a grand job, but it has been heavy going and hard fighting. For the three years of the war now there has been many big armies laying in England doing nothing, their work has still to come. But in these 3 years it has been us, the 8th army alone who have done all the fighting engaged in continuous combat and now after three years victory is almost ours. I remember writing on the 19th of October that all I needed was complete victory by the end of November to complete this diary to perfection. It certainly seems as though my wishes are been granted.

My leg has been terribly painful today and at times tonight I felt as though every bone in my foot was crushed. I can actually feel the blood trying to force its way through my veins in spurts. I seem to be full of complaints today but oh how I long for a letter from my wife, if only a word. I feel so entirely cut off but above all that I long to learn of their safety, my wife and my son.

I feel much better today although it was many hours before I could go off to sleep last night. A few of the patients slipped out last night and just as I was beginning to fall asleep they rolled in terribly intoxicated and caused rather a commotion. Of course that topped everything and there was not much sleep for me after that. Things are progressing very well indeed here and this evening I listened to a speech by Mr. Churchill. What inspiration and I was aware of shivers of emotion running up and down my spine all the time he was speaking. I understand my regiment has received a word of congratulations from General Pienaar to the effect of “2nd regiment Botha is second to none in the S.A. Army.” My company commander has been recommended for decoration for the action, which we did the night I was wounded.

We received the news this morning that German troops entered unoccupied France this morning and are driving across it to the south coast on the Mediterranean. Why has Hitler taken this step? As I wrote on the 8th of the picture as it appeared to me. Our problem lies with getting a foothold on the continent to enable us to fight and destroy the enemy on his own ground. The French coast on the channel is too heavily defended so therefore withy us in control of the entire North African coastline will give us adequate bases perhaps to the chances of getting a foot hold on the continent through unoccupied France. Germany also sees these possibilities too now and that is why she is withdrawing troops from the west to forestall such a move on our part but as I also wrote the steel ring is slowly being forged around the Axis that is going to choke them.
I got terribly excited today when the doctor came and saw me. I overheard him say to the sister that he had recommended me for a “D Boarding”. A “D” means simply this that the first ship to the Union you are on it. No this can’t be true. I am just not that lucky. I spoke to the nurse afterwards to try and confirm it but she would not speak. Oh how I wish I could write and tell my wife to expect me at any time but I don’t want to raise her hopes until I know it is right. Meanwhile as yet I have still not received any mail.

The advance guard of the S.A. Division has arrived here alongside the hospital and I understand the balance of the S. Africans are arriving here tomorrow. They are at long last being pulled out of the show, for a well-earned and long awaited rest. One of the fellows of my company came and saw me and has promised to try and make arrangements for me to get my kit as well as my mail. Our casualties have been rather high and there are not too many of my men left in my platoon but up to date we have inflicted 59,000 casualties on the enemy here in Egypt in three weeks fighting. Our forces have now crossed into Libya and Bardia is once more in our hands. The place has changed hands five times. Three seems to be a lot of anxiety at the moment as the whether the French fleet which is stationed at Taulou will surrender to the Germans or join the Allies.

At long last I received mail today. That naturally has taken a great weight off my mind. Although in one letter from a friend of mine he mentioned that my wife has lost a lot of weight. Oh the poor darling, I have caused her so many anxious and worrying moments for which I most profoundly regret. She is so good, and pure and quite undeserving of it. If only I could be with her to comfort her, I know her need for me is as great as mine is for her and I do hope my son realizes what a wonderful mummy he has and comforts her as much as possible in my absence. I learnt today that I have been definitely recommended for a reclassification but the doctor would not tell me what it was. With me it must be either one of two things, that is “D” that I go home or “A1” that I go to the front again. I could never condescend to take a base job here in Egypt, which any of the other classifications mean. I am afraid Gen. Smuts 7,000 which he has recruited in the Union to avenge Tobruk are late. Today Tobruk fell into our hands and our forces are now sweeping across the desert on their way to Gazala. I wonder where Rommel is going to make his stand as that he must do. In all probability it will be Aghelia again but as long as we can keep up our supply columns we should not have much trouble.

The S. African division has certainly arrived here with a vengeance as all wards are just flowing with them, coming to visit their friends and pals who are here wounded. From early this afternoon until late tonight I have had them coming in in sevens and eights to see me, glowing around my bedside. I am so pleased to see them all and one thoughtful fellow brought me a case of mine containing all my photographs and wallet, promising also to bring the remainder of my kit tomorrow. Of course the whole conversation was centred on that memorable night that I was wounded, of so and so who stopped a bullet in the chest and of other poor chaps who were killed that night. I was very excited seeing them all and the doctor permitted me to get up for a while this afternoon but I only got outside of the ward, hobbling on crutches and decided to get back on my bed. Our forces are once more at Gazala and are now pushing on and beyond.

The tears surged into my eyes and a lump swelled in my throat as I listened to the church bells of Merry England chiming once again over the radio this morning. When war broke out it was decided not to ring the bells anymore for the duration of hostilities, on the other hand if there were to ring it would be an alarm that the Germans were invading England. And now after 3 years Mr. Churchill has allowed them to break their silence and chime through the land to celebrate the eighth army’s great victory here in Egypt.
The moon is once more rising high into the heavens and I should imagine it to be full in about 6 days. Of course seeing this moon takes me back to the period of waiting for the great offensive to start last full moon. Each night the moon getting bigger and bigger and knowing that each night was bringing us nearer to the Victory for which the bells of England are today celebrating.
I had yet more friends in to see me today and with them came all the very latest regimental news and current rumours. I understand a lot of my friends are been given leave to go to Palestine. Good luck to them, they deserve it.

The officer commanding the 2nd Brigade was in today enquiring after any 2nd brigade men and when I told the name of my unit and that I understood we were now attached to the 2nd he immediately asked what company I was in. When I told him C, he became very gushing indeed and asked me if I sustained my injury on the 26th when we went into action with the C.T.H. This I confirmed in the positive and I thought his compliments would never cease. Evidently our prestige is running very high. I see by today’s news , Derma is once more in our hands so that now leaves Benghazi and then I am sure Rommel will make a stand as after Benghazi falls which will do within the next few days we will run into Aghiala. I have just become aware of one peculiarity – I have not drank a drop of water since I have been in here other than cleaning my teeth. Evidently the desert has trained me well.

It rained very hard all night through but not withstanding this fact today was a miserable day and by this afternoon everything was coated thick with dust. My company commander paid me a visit, he is so very nice and a finer gentleman would be hard to find. He told me not to be slow in asking for anything that I want. He almost insisted on giving me money but I assured him that I did not need it. For the balance of today a few fellows gathered around my bed and we played bridge. I believe our advance units are now 70 miles from Benghazi so I am expecting it to fall to us by tomorrow night unless of course we bypass it in an attempt to cut off Rommel’s retreating forces from there.

A sudden change in the weather has made it quite warm today although storm clouds seemed to be banking up again towards this evening. This afternoon I was honoured by a visit from our colonel. His first words to me were, “I did not recognise you Corporal Hawkins without your moustache.” I did not know he even knew me. I asked him if he remembered this, and with that I recited word for word from mind his speech to us on the 21st October. He complimented me as what he called, a most remarkable memory, and I told him the inspiration of his words that day, I would never forget.
I squared my nurse to have a peep into my personal file and see what was to happen to me. She promptly replied that I had been boarded and was on the list for going home. I would so like to be with my regiment when they have their victorious march back to S.A. but the excitement and thought of soon seeing my wife and son fair got me. I still can’t believe it to be true and refuse to do so until I arrive in Durban.

It was a really miserable day today but I don’t mind suffering them for a bit longer as it is quite evident that I am off to the Union. I only hope I can make it to be with my wife and son for Christmas. It will make them so happy that is not taking my own feelings into consideration. Strangely enough I never had a single visitor in today. I suppose the bad weather kept them from wondering too far from their tents and frankly I don’t blame them so I just interested myself with a book. I have read quite a number of books since I have been in here and one that struck my interest most was on “This proud heart” by the famous Pearl Buck. Right through the story I felt as though I were living with the book. I can highly recommend it.

This morning Benghazi once more fell into our hands so I am very anxious or news at the moment as I am sure we will find a lot of our men there who were taken prisoner in Tobruk. It was terribly cold today, the days gradually getting shorter and shorter and already all our men have been issued with their new winter battle dress for which I am sure they are all very thankful. I wish this ship which I am now supposed to be waiting for, would hurry in arriving. I can’t seem to feel any contentment now nor settle to anything until I am that ship. I feel my work is done here now.

I received some papers from home today and the first thing that hit my eye when I opened the paper was my dad’s memorial notice. My dear wife had remembered to insert it. Of course for a few minutes the tears surged into my eyes when I read it. This afternoon I made a noble effort to reach the little church here to find out the time of mass as I want to go tomorrow but I was properly petered out when I returned to my ward and could not get my breath back for several minutes afterwards.
Every Saturday night a bioscope is given here for the benefit of the patients, any how a friend of mine went out and came back not long after with a push chair and insisted that I was going to see the show. I was picked up bodily and put into the wheel chair and so taken to the cinema, which incidentally was held in the open air, me using the wheel chair as my seat was very comfortable indeed with the aid of numerous pillows which the fellows piled around me.

I went to mass at 7am this morning. The chapel here is a few tents joined together, not so elaborate as the one at Helwan but never the less it is a church and that is all that matters. General Smuts addressed the entire S.A. Division today and after complimenting them for their great share in the battle he said he had spoken to the high command in Egypt and they were agreeable now it rested with the command in the Union. In the meantime they were just to carry on and when he gets them back home he would like them all to sign for anywhere in the world should the occasion arise. The idea I think is excellent as I think the biggest mistake our government made was when they made us conditional troops with Red Tabs. After all we joined to fight the enemy. Well if the enemy is cleaned out of Africa it does not mean he is beaten and it would definitely not be right for us to sit back at home with the idea that we are out of danger while we leave it to other nations to finish the fight, by themselves, for which we joined up to do.
This evening I went to church (Benediction) and incidentally I met the priest after church who gave me communion the night I was wounded in the field. He was just as pleased to see me as I was to see him and we had a long talk.

My hopes were considerably risen today when the sister told me that the office had sent for all my papers and what is more there is a hospital ship just arrived. The entire day today was devoted to bridge but I was terribly disappointed when post arrived tonight from the Union and of the three that were for me there was not one from my wife. I really cant make it out, it is a good thing some intelligent fellow invented the simple pack of cards which helps to break the boredom of this life and helps us to keep our minds off other things. All the fellows that I met coming and going through the ward today seem to rather confident that, judging by General Smut’s speech, they will be home by Christmas. Well I hope they are and good luck to them.
It is a month today since the great attack took place and one year since Sidi Rezigh.

It was a most uneventful day today. I had a visit from one of my officers today and much to my joy he brought me a letter from my wife. I am just thinking what a coincident it would be if I was put on a ship for home on the 29th as that will be one year since I got on the ship at Durban to come up here. The Russians are now throwing a terrific offensive against their German enemies and are certainly doing very well indeed killing thousands of Germans and taking nearly as many prisoners as we did in our offensive.

Really I don’t know what I am writing tonight I don’t seem to be myself. I can’t be, or am I dreaming? If I am oh please don’t let me wake up. This morning I was reading when I first thought that my ears were playing tricks with me. The nurse came and told me to get someone to get my kit and draw whatever I was short from the store as I would be leaving for the Union tomorrow. This task did not take me long to accomplish and the rest of the day I have spent as if a person in a trance listening to congratulations and words of good luck. However I eventually pulled myself together enough this evening to write to my wife so that she might share the good news with me, although I did not tell her so in so many words. I choose my words with care, stating, “Please suspend all letters to me and parcels until unless you hear from me to the contrary. From this you should be able to make a guess.” I ended my letter by saying, “I’ll be seeing you.” I think the best thing I can do now is get some sleep in as I am being called for at 4.30 tomorrow morning.

The nurse woke me up at 4 o’clock and after giving me a hot cup of coffee and helping me to wash and dress I was called for at 4.30 sharp. I was taken by ambulance to a railway station some six miles away where a hospital train was waiting and after a bit of a wait we eventually got under way at 6 o’clock. Arriving at Zag-O-Zig at 8.45. We had a 15 minute wait before we moved on for Cairo, which, was a 2-½ hours train journey. At Cairo we were put into ambulances and taken out to the 5th General at Helmeih where we will wait until our hospital ship arrives. I have just learnt, must o my disgust that I just missed one that left yesterday and goodness knows when the next one will arrive. This evening I paid a visit to a man who was my platoon commander on our withdrawal from Gazala.

There is a lot of talk of a ship leaving in two to three days time however I have to go into the theatre tomorrow for a new plaster and the doctor also wants to fish around in my wound. I paid my officer another visit today and he tells me they told him to get all his things packed ready as he would be going to the Union very shortly. He gave me a bottle of whiskey before I left. Here I have been able to see the results this latest offensive of ours has had on some poor fellows. There are some with both arms and legs shot off. Others with ears, nose, mouth and cheeks completely gone with just big holes in the centre of their faces but undoubtedly these hospitals are doing dome truly wonderful plastic surgical work. Some men I have seen here have got absolute new noses, mouths and hands.

I went into the theatre this morning and had my old plaster removed. My wound is looking really nice and practically healed up but I am afraid the bone has not knitted yet, so I came out with a brand new plaster which is even heavier than the last. When I returned to my ward all the fellows insisted on autographing it consequently my leg is covered in writing and drawings. I am beginning to think I did wrong now in telling my wife to suspend all letters to me. Goodness knows I wish I knew how long I am going to be kept here. S. Africa at times seems so near to me and yet at other times it is swept beyond my reach. Oh I must get back there soon, I can’t possibly think of a much longer separation from my wife and son.

As I write now it is 6pm. That to me means simply this that it is exactly one year ago to the minute since I last6 spoke to my wife over the phone. How well I remember that day. All we have to do is turn back one year in this diary. How keep and anxious we all were, about to set out on a new adventure in the chapter of our lives. Many who were thrilled with me at the prospect of this adventure then, I most profoundly regret are not among us anymore. They have paid the supreme sacrifice for their patriotism and lust for adventure. It was but one year ago today that we went aboard the ship that brought us to this.
This morning I went to mass at 6.30am and somehow or other I felt like being at home again. It was this little church that I frequented often when I was here before. And now I fully intend spending the balance of this evening with my thoughts. I think one can derive so much pleasure from his thoughts as when all else seems lost. Each and every one of us must at least have a few pleasant thoughts to think over and I have many.

This is the most sordid sort of existence just waiting day after day for them to come and tell you to get ready, for the ship is waiting. But each day rolls into the next and yet they didn’t come. It is now one year since my ship sailed out of Durban harbour and in the late afternoon sun I caught my last glimpses of the city as it emerged into the mist when the distance between the ship and the shore grew greater. Oh how wonderful it would be if it could only be today that once again I were to endure that experience only not Durban but Egypt fading into the horizon.