Don't
gripe on stage
You're in the middle of the gig from hell. The
guitarist is playing with five strings. The drummer
just launched another stick at your head -DUCK!-. And
you can't hear anything but boomy mud. But the
audience will probably never know unless you say
something to make it obvious. I ran a survey for a
series of performances once. On the way out, I'd ask
a bunch of performers not in my act how my show went.
The band agreed on the quality of each performance,
the reviewers generally agreed on the quality of each
performance. But there was little agreement between
the band and the reviewers. One show that I thought
was absolutely smokin' was the poorest received by
the audience. The only real difference between
semi-pro and professional is that you can't tell when
a pro screws up. Keep that stage face on.
Don't
turn to stare at the drummer when he screws up,
chances are only 2% of the audience noticed
People are sheep. Sheep don't know much about music,
but they'll react as a group if you give them a
reason. No one has heard the song as many times as
you have, they're not going to catch even glaring
mistakes if you don't give them a clue.
Know
who the house manager is and follow his instructions
Sure it's "your band". Maybe you even
brought in "your crowd". But if you can't
keep the house manager happy, you don't get to come
back. Sometimes this is the owner of a club.
Sometimes it's the landlord. If you're lucky it might
be the booking agent for the venue. Find out ahead of
time who's got the voice of god. Frequently they'll
be so happy you came to talk to them, you can get
away with murder. If you can do the subservient act
well, you may even get to do more than you want. Free
beer, tips, a bonus are all at your fingertips IF you
keep checking in with the Official Guy.
This
is particularly important if you know the Official
Guy is often a problem. By pretending to care what he
says before and during the show, you may make him
think, maybe for the first time in his life, that
someone is on his side. Even if you're not going to
do exactly what he wants, a little lip service goes a
long ways.
Changing the EQ on the bass in almost like turning it
down… pointing the guitar amp away from the
audience is almost like turning it down…
reaching for a knob and pretending to move it
is… you get the idea…
One place I played had a problematic
person-whose-orifice-must-be-kissed. By keeping in
contact with this person throughout the gig, we kept
him happy even though we hated his guts and couldn't
agree with anything he said. It turned out he owned
the club AND another place we wanted to get booked
in.
If someone compliments you, say "Thanks".
Don't say, "You should hear us when we're
playing well" or "Are you kidding? We were
crap!" Right or wrong, you've got to accept a
compliment. It takes extra effort for someone to say
something nice to the band, whether it's deserved or
not. Be being polite and appreciative you'll fool
them into thinking you're twice as good. Thanking
someone isn't being immodest, you're simply
acknowledging what they said. You don't need to agree
with them to thank them. And if someone asks for an
autograph, don't freak out. Just do it and be happy
someone might think it's valuable. My natural
reaction to being asked for an autograph is,
"Get real!" This is absolutely the wrong
answer. Luckily it's not an issue very often for
me…
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