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CLASSIFIEDS
1.
Forceps.
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New Brunswick Healthy Aids;
Moncton, NB
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A brand new set of forceps. A very handy instrument in aiding the delivery of your new born baby. Just clamp it round it's head and pull. Aids a swift delivery! Also doubles as a great set of tongs for flipping steaks on the BBQ! If your planning on using these to deliver your baby please wash thoroughly after use with BBQ. Call: 555-6784
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2.
Mucus Extractor.
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New Brunswick Healthy Aids;
Moncton, NB
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Does your hospital have one? No? Well we do! Perfect for obtaining mucus. Comes with soft, frosted and kink resistant PVC tubing. Spare screw top lid is provided to seal the container for safe transportation of specimen to the lab or garbage container. Suction tube lengths available : 40 cms, 50 cms
Also available with Bacterial Barrier Filter at Suction End for safe mucus removal.
Call: 555-6784
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3.
ARROW JT21 STAPLE GUN JUNIOR.
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Steeves Super Staplers;
Sussex, NB
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Lightweight compact staple gun tacker.
Ideal for light duty DIY work. Comfortable contoured handle with convienent built in staple remover.
Takes 1/4in and 5/16in staples. Wow! What a deal! Call: 555-9999
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4.
Air Filled Companion.
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Naughty Toys For Girls And Boys;
Hillsborough, NB
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For Sale. One used 5ft 6in male inflatible doll. Use at your own discretion. Reasonable shape. Has been patched up in two places below the waistline. A great companion for a lonely soul. You can take him anywhere. The beach, the park, for trips in the car or even the mall. Yours for $10,000.00 Call 555-7895
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5.
Handcrafted wicker-weaved finger basket.
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Felipe's Creative Decor; Shediac, NB
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Check this out. One personally hand made wicket basket. Complete with a set of my uncle's severed fingers! A real talking point for the dinner table! An excellent addition to the mantle piece! A superb gift for lovers of odd yet beautiful ornaments. Call 555-2346
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6.
Bertin The Goldfish.
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Micky Bastarache's Pawn A Pet Store; George Blvd, Moncton, NB
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Bertin the 68 year old pet goldfish! You may have read about him or seen him on Ebay. This little critter is a rare one indeed. He fought the beaches of Normandy during WWII. Was brought back to Canada in the 1950's and learned how to speak five languages. Now in his twilight years he likes nothing more to swim around a bit and be fed the occasional pinch of hashish. Asking $500.00 OBO.
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7.
Nice Juicy Raw Steak For Sale.
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Pete's Cow Farm; Minto, NB
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Electrocuted all my cows last week due to poor sales of Canadian beef. My cows were fine but I decided to sell the business and claim disability for a few years. Anyhow my fridge is packed with nice prime cutlets like these just waiting to be guzzled. I'll sell you one like this for $10.00, serves 4 people. Postage is free. Hurry now, meat goes bad quite quickly! Call Pete, 555-BEEF
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8.
Backed up? Then You Need Hope!
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Fat Jemma's Rectal Remedies; Amherst, NS
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Clogged up? Need to shift a large blockage? Try my Hope laxative treatment. This chocolate is scented so that what comes out smells just like a bed of roses. I have a whole range of great flavours you can choose from including minty fresh and pleasantly peach. But rest assured a couple of bites of my special chocolate bar and you'll be flowing like Niagara Falls. Call 555-PUSH
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9.
Anorexic? Bulimic? Hungover? Try 'Plop Sikle' Today!
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Fat Jemma's Rectal Remedies; Amherst, NS
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Try my new authentic tasting 'Plop Sikle' It tastes like plop and is guaranteed to make you drop.(Over the bowl that is!) Just 'plop' it in your mouth, suck the 'sikle' and you'll be blowing chunks within minutes. A great party pleaser to play on unsuspecting freinds too! Call 555-PUSH
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10.
Great Country Retreat!
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Abandoned Charms Realtors; Moncton, NB
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Bella and Trisha would like to show you their charms at this idylic abandoned country farm located just an hours drive outside of Fredericton, New Brunswick. This 19th century shack comes with no creature comforts whatsoever but does have over 100 acres of prime landfill. Let the ladies show you just how good an offer this property is. You won't be disappointed. Call 555-9078
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11.
Superb Riverside Property Investment!
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Abandoned Charms Realtors; Moncton, NB
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Mandy will lend you her hand and show off her quality selling expertise by guiding you around this early 20th century abandoned riverfront abode. Asking $390,000.00. All interior floors, electricity and plumbing features have long since left this property but rest assured Mandy will convince you of it's true potential. Call 555-9078
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12.
Excellent Fire Damaged Dwelling!
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Abandoned Charms Realtors; Moncton, NB
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Mandy hopes you'll join her in exploring just how appealing she is as she carefully reconstructs the benefits of buying a burned out 2 story town house located in the idyllic setting of West Moncton. All major services and bars are within shouting distance of this condemned eyesore. Asking price is $250,000.00 but Mandy is more than willing to drop a few dollars off the asking price! Call 555-9078
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13.
Fluck-A-Duck! Blammo! Bamm! Great Ford Giveaway!
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Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
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OOF! Hit me again in the stomach and I'll sell this heap of scrap for less than $15,000!!! This 1994 Ford Taurus is an absolute beast to drive! Upholstry in excellent shape! Body work VG! Get a tow truck and rob me today! Only mimimal damage to the hood! call me 555-DEALZ! Please no refunds!
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14.
Castrate My Dog With A Rusty Old Can! Check This Merc Out!
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Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
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Get off me! Stop grabbing at my lapels! Brand new red Merc. Barely 10,000km's on the clock! Take this away today for just $20,000. I'll shoot you if you don't! Slight trunk work needs to be done. A little scratch visible on the hood. Hold me back now or I'm gonna sell it to you for more! Call me at 555-DEALZ! No refunds necessary!
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15.
Oh! Set My Balls On Fire! Grand Marquee Must See!
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Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
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Now I will say this only once! Take it! Drive it off my lot! I don't want it! It's yours for $12,500! Yes you heard right! Cheapest prices in Atlantic Canada. Tax free! Needs new windows, front wheels and an engine. I'm not asking much now am I? Call 555-DEALZ! No refunds necessary!
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| Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors. © Copyright 2002-2005 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
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