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CLASSIFIEDS
1.
One Well-Worn G-String
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Ulrika's Underwear;
Halifax, NS
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Hi! Ulrika here! I'm selling my G-String! Nice isn't it! Unfortunately I've bought a new one so this one has to go. I'm open for offers! Its tight, black and has a cute little silver star in the middle. Its been proudly worn on many beaches. The highest bidder has the choice of having it hand washed by me, or left as is! Call 555-4443
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2.
Show 'Em Your Balls! Get Your Set Of Bumper Nuts Today!
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Rex's Country Store;
Albert County, NB
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These aluminum one pound jingly-janglies are virtually indestructible! Just hang 'em from your tailgate and show 'em your the one with balls! Yours for just $40.00 If you want to upgrade your purchase by a further ten bucks I'll send you a set of classy brassy nuts! Call 555-3478 or check out bumpernuts.com. That's where I got mine!
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3.
Giant Canned Pea Sale!
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Biggie's Edible Enigma's;
Sussex, NB
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We had a busy year this year at Biggie's Farms. So busy that we still have thousands of our home style canned peas to clear. This is overstock baby! If you buy 2 crates we'll give you our exclusive limited edition Mucus Flavour for free! A truly delicious taste that only you nose pickers will know! Call us and order your Peas today! 555-7851
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4.
Traditional Acadian Egg and Potato Pie Special!
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Acadie Jack's Nickety Nick-Nack's & Snacks;
Haute Aboujagane, NB
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Taste my unique Acadie Pie! These egg and potato pies are like no other. Garnished beautifully in the traditional colours of Acadie. Order now and celebrate our proud culture! Call 555-JACK. You'll get free delivery when ordering fifty or more of my pies!
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5.
Two Slices Of Burn't Toast
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Ken; Lower Rockport, NB
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I saw an auction on ebay for burnt toast and it sold for thousands of dollars. Well I too have some of my own burnt toast for sale! Freshly burnt this morning using my 'Toast Logic twin-rack Sunbeam' toaster. Asking $500.00 OBO. Items will be carefully packaged in a zip-lock bag for freshness. Call 555-7845.
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6.
Suggestive Looking Straw Hat
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Bettie Reubin; Highfield Square, Moncton, NB
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Only the finest straw hats grace my showroom. Painstakingly crafted by hand by some of Bolivia's finest weavers. This beautiful straw hat comes with a stylish silk bow that adds definition and poise to what can only be described as the most chic fashion statement Bettie Reubin has to offer. Let my exceptional staff pamper and advise you on how to wear this elegant fashion assessory. Yes, I did say assessory. Only $5270.33 + Tax. Call 555-BETTIE
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7.
Nicely Folded Blankets.
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Bettie Reubin; Highfield Square, Moncton, NB
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Here at Bettie Reubin we provide you with the best and our Cow hair blankets are no exception. Hand plucked from Alpine Cows and carefully layered these blankets provide a warmth and snugness only Bettie Reubin can deliver. Available in misty blue and pearly pink. $299.00 each or $499.00 for the set. Call 555-BETTY
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8.
Storm Drain Cover Clearance Now On!
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Albert's Acadian Accents; Memramcook, NB
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Get your very own unique storm drain cover today! Handpainted in the water-proof, rust-proof colours of Acadie! Wow your friends and neigbours by owning your very own piece of Acadie! All storm drains sold separately. You'll be the envy of your street! Guaranteed! $3000.00. Comes with a 5 year rust check warranty. Order NOW! 555-2378
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9.
Amityville Type Two-Storey Farm House
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A1 Housing (Moncton's Prime Realtor Specialists); Moncton, NB
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This beautiful 3 bedroom farm property located just 60km's from the heart of the thriving hum drum of downtown Moncton is a must for all out-doorsy types. Sitting atop 10 acres of prime swamp its views of spectacular rural beauty are just breathtaking. Poppies and Violets grow in abundance in the summertime. The Property comes complete with its own personal outhouse, two-hundred year old well, and gas hook-ups. As Moncton's leading property specialists we offer the cheapest Sale Prices! $890,000 OBO.
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10.
Great Place To Rent!
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A1 Housing (Moncton's Prime Realtor Specialists); Moncton, NB
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Wow! Your Luck couldn't have come at a better time! This Victorian 5 bedroom home has just come on the market. Safety inspection pending (just a formality!). Located just 25km's from Downtown Moncton! Walking distance to work! 5 Bedrooms available. $599.00 per month. Comes with great views of the Trans Canada Highway!
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11.
Fantastic Apartment Complex! Cheap!
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A1 Housing (Moncton's Prime Realtor Specialists); Moncton, NB
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This is a real eye-opener! A beautiful 3 storey town house in the heart of rural Westmoreland County. Yes that's right! An apartment like no other! We pride ourselves in turning old rural properties into viable family orientated communities. This 6 bedroom former nunnery is an absolute gem. $750 per month as is. Comes with running water, oil furnance and kitchen stove. Authenticity is our speciality!
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12.
Mitsubishi Eclipse Bargain Bonanaza!
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Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
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Put me in a boxing ring and pummel me to a pulp! My latest aqusition is as hot as my fathers hemorrhoids! This sparkly red Mitsubishi Eclipse is just waiting to be driven away! Its yours! Take it! Please! I don't need it! Minor structural damage to the hood due to my stupid valet parking it in our drainage ditch but other than that minty-new! Yours for $27,000, not a cent less special! Call 555-DEALZ. Free Pine-fresh deodorizer with this purchase! Call 555-DEALZ
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13.
2003 Ford f-150
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Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
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I don't know what happened here but It seems my valet parked this beauty at a wierd angle! Honestly this truck is in prime shape! Just $12,000km's on the clock. Barely touched! Just like me! The wife is always complaining of headaches! Talking of headaches relieve mine and drive this one away to-day! Asking $41,000 OBO. Call 555-DEALZ
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14.
2005 Chevy Impala! 0% Down! Cash Sale!
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Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
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I had to get a second opinion! Slight mishap with a guidewire no apparent damage done! This is a real steal! Chevy's don't come cheaper than this! A guaranteed guidewire giveaway! Don't let this opportunity hang around too long. I'll even cut down the price at no EXTRA cost! Asking $39,000 Call: 555-DEALZ NOW!
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15.
Two In One Day! Thunderbird Giveaway!
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Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
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Well tie my balls with twine and hang me from a vine! Two guidewire driven auto's in one day! Imagine! What is a guy like me to do! This silver thunderbird is a real cutie. Yes it looks a bit silly right now. But hey! I'm selling it to you! So, who is sillier? Me of course! Asking $199,567. Will accept anything lower! Call 555-DEALZ! Offer ends midnight!
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| Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors. © Copyright 2002-2005 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
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