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PERSONALS
1.
Male Hamster Breeder Seeking The Un-seekable
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Mervin; 47,
Oromocto, NB
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Bald, fat, short, and ugly male, 53, fond of extended periods of self-pity, flatulent and overweight, seeks short-sighted woman with tremendous sexual appetite. Call 555-8222
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2.
Love Is Strange - Wait 'til You See My Feet!
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Betsy; 40,
O'Leary, PEI
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F, 40, with wide-fitting Scholl's seeking a charming member of the opposite sex to accompany me in Church funded luncheons and occasional cake baking competitions. Call 555-4332
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3.
Blah! Blah! Blah! Thirtysomething, Whatever... Sex etc...
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Steve; 30, Helmet Cove, NFLD
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7 million sperm is good for me. On most days I plateau at around 3 million or less. I'm a dentally challenged man with low sperm count. Seeker of a woman in no hurry to see those buggers attempt an egg penetration! Call 555-1156
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4.
My Box Is An Assortment Of Chocolates Darling.
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Euthanasia; 35, Toronto, ON
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Hello baby! Je suis une pretty Canadian honey, 35, will cook you a lovely meal baby, caress your hair softly, then squeeze every damn penny from your adulterous bank account before slashing the tyres of your Beamer darling. Let that serve as a warning baby! Now then, are we cooking chicken tonight or what darling!? Call 555-7774
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5.
I Would Love To Hump Your Lady Humps!
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Dwayne; 27, Riverview. NB
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I like my women the way I like kebabs. Found by surprise after a drunken night out, and covered in too much chilli sauce. Before long I'll have discarded you on the pavement of life, but until then you're the perfect complement to a perfect evening. Male, 27. Call 555-2754
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6.
Why Yes! My lips Are Tired From Puckering Through Your Mind All Day!
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Su-Lin; 19, Dieppe, NB
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Greetings boys! - I'm just a girl who can't say 'no'. I have come to infest your puny mind and soul like no girl has done before. They call me naughty Lola, come see what I can do in a feather boa! Call 555-1992
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7.
Systems Analyst Awaiting Your Analysis!
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Miguel; Memramcook, NB
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Mature gentleman, 29, aged like a fine wine, noble looks, fit and attractive, of sound body and mind. Totally unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society. Seeking female friendship (for a while until I can find something better) … Damn it, I have to pee again. Call 555-9976
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8.
If You Make An Old Cow Laugh ...Would Milk Come Running Out Of Her Nose?
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Candy; 72, Petitcodiac, NB
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Recently widowed, drooling, retired, incontinent, reformed alcoholic dreams of waking up next to your best friend. I guess I'm just a girl that can't say no. Call 555-9556
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9.
Man, 42, Inherited Wealth.
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Funky Gibbon; 48, Clappers Harbour Blight, NFLD
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Romance is dead right? Jess Like me mudder. But I's got de cash now see. Do ya tink yer reddy fur de ruff n' rugged terrain? Cos I's de bye fer dat right? I's built like an SUV jess fer you! Oh yeah, I jess fergot! I'm a complete and udder bastard! Whatever you do, don't reply or call 555-7733
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10.
And What Are You Looking At?
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Dollorama; 24, Halifax, NS
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Eager-to-please woman, 26, seeks domineering man to take advantage of her flagging confidence. Tell me I'm pretty, then watch me cling. Call 555-4333
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11.
Sexy night? Dim the light!
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Rhys; 25, Y-fenni, Wales. UK
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Sinister-looking man with a face that only a mother would love. Sweetie at heart, though. Nice conversation, great for dimly-lit romantic meals and even dimmer bedroom conversations. Better in those Welsh villages where the electricity supply can't be guaranteed. Any women upto age 50 appreciated Call 011-44-22345-78756090909
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12.
Those aren't grey hairs, they're dandruff!
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Jeannie; 81, Moncton, NB
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My finger is on the pulse of culture, my ear to the ground of philosophy, my hip is in the medical waste bin of the Moncton Infirmary. 14% plastic and counting - geriatric brainiac and compulsive health service malingering fool (F, 81), looking for richer, older sex-starved men on the brink of death to exploit and ruin every replacement operation I've had since 1974. Call 555-7648 (quickly now, the clock's ticking, and so is my pacemaker).
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13.
Dung-Eating Complete And Utter Bastard!
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Burt; Spryfield, Halifax, NS
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Eco-friendly bio-diverse Male, 29. Smells a bit like soil and eats too much dung, but otherwise friendly. Looking for a drop-dead gorgeous brunette babe with long legs and a well crafted rack. Must be intelligent, articulate and smelly, like me. Call 555-4491
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14.
Anyone Interested In Riding? Horseback Riding That Is.
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Vaginie; 21, St. Chalice Du Monde, Quebec
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I'm a blonde hairs, 6'ft tall, long legs girl who is younger than 25-30. Intelligent with very articulate hips and drop-dead gorgeous everywhere. Seeking Males 25-40 with horses and sense of adventure and conversation skills. Call 555-7855
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15.
Want Me To Dress Up For You?
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George; 63, Crawford, Texas
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To some, I am a world of temptation. To others, I'm just another washed-up old cross-dressing white American Republican. Male, 63. Call 555-6740
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| Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors. © Copyright 2002-2008 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
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