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SPORTS HEADLINES
Artificial Man
Asimo an artificial man built by Honda seen recently
navigating a flight of stairs will begin training for the 2006 Winter Olympics Men's freestyle skating.
Gifted Hand Job
Stunning Brunette Mandolin Mauricie, queen of Curling is poised to enter
the record books so long as she pushes the right buttons. Mandolin, who hails from St. Agathe-Sur-La-Mer
Jean-Baptiste du Rancine, QUE. needs to win just one more Curling Championship to be the best in the world.
"I'm good with my hands" she smiles "I make a good hand job eh?" Go get them Mandolin!
Sackville Sledgehammers Hit Home
The Mighty Sledgehammers overcame a sensational loosing streak last Thursday
by beating the Amherst Anvils 6-4 in the Junior Major Junior over 60's Local Hockey league. After a record 24 game loss
Coach Ogilvie Bratwurst had nothing but praise for the Sledgehammers. "These players have overcome their
mental and physical problems of late, took their medicine and come back fighting!" Whatever medicine these guys are taking
Lets hope we see some more wins!"
NB Resident Eye's F1 Chance
Cyril Lockjaw of Muddyview has had the call. Or so he thinks. After racing around season after
season in MASCAR. He firmly reckons a testing contract with a premier F1 team is on the cards.
"A guy from England called me yesterday he was interested in having me do a test at their garage in Manchester.
I don't know the team but the guy said he was called Kevin. For more F1 related stuff check out
F1 Guide 2002
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TOP STORY
Jethro Savage Reports On The Wildhats Recent Return To Form
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MONCTON, NB — The Season is almost
over and with a loosing streak bigger than a space shuttles spent rocket fuel the Wildhats mean business.
Last weekend's game against the Cape Bald Vikings was one such example. The Wildhats rushed the Vikings
Goal tender, picked him up and threw him off the rink. Then proceeded to score 16 successive shots at the goal.
Wildhats coach Bobby Irvins was well impressed. "We did the impossible and won!" he bellowed. After
a run of bad luck all year including seventeen team players being sacked. This was the break they needed and the
story didn't stop there. The Wildhats also battered NB rivals The Acadie Bacadie Tetons to a 10-1 Victory.
"We trained like dogs for that one" Irvins sighed. "For a whole week I fed the players nothing but Chummy Chunks
and got them to sleep in kennels. It worked! The boys came out and bit the daylights out of the Tetons!"
Tetons coach Real Pavements was less than amused. "You don't go and bite your opponents. This is 'ockey!"
Next week the Wildcats go head to head with The Nova Scotia Screaming Queens. One to watch!
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