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Click Below for a Printable Version of a Joke: |
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Three Wishes
There was a guy who just got out of a really bad divorce with his wife. One day, he found a genie's lamp. The genie came out and said," Hello master. I will grant you three wishes but, what ever you wish for your wife gets double." The guy didn't like that part but he made a wish anyway. For his first wish, he said,
"Genie, I want a house in Hawaii." POOF!!! He got one house, his wife got two. This didn't make him happy but, he made his second wish.
"Genie,I want 2 billion dollars." POOF! He got two billion, his wife four billion. By now, this guy isn't very happy. The genie says,"You have one wish left. I have to remind you, what ever you wish for your wife gets double." The guy says, "Yeah,yeah.I know." So the guy thinks real hard and says,
"I got it! Genie, beat me half to death!!"
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Isn't This True?
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race,
you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your
tail and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that's favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, that's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, that's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive jerk.
If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self defense.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're a fag.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself.
If you don't, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore
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Poisoned Mushrooms
Jim: "What's the matter?"
Slim: "I just lost three wives in three months."
Jim: "What happened?"
Slim: "The first one died from eating poisoned mushrooms."
Jim: "What about the second one?"
Slim: "Same thing. Poisoned mushrooms."
Jim: "And the third one?"
Slim: "Fractured skull...she wouldn't eat the poisoned mushrooms."
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Sporting Goods Store
A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
"It's for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"
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Would You Remarry?
A couple who had been married for about 30 years were talking one night. The wife said "If I were to die, would you remarry?" The husband said, "I don't know, I might."
She said," Would you still live in this house?"
He replied, "Why yes, I've worked for a long time to get it fixed up and now it's paid for."
She asked, "Would you buy new furniture?"
He said, "No need to do that. This furniture is fine."
She said, "Well, would you let her sleep in our bed?"
He replied, "Why of course. It's a good bed and I get a good nights sleep in it."
Angrily she said, "I suppose you would even let her use my golf clubs." He said,
"No, she is left handed."
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Designed by Justin Jones
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