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Thank you Ms. Peabody for bringing our friends over to page 8 of Jokes & Quotes! I hope you will be able to find your way back to page 7. I can see you are still confused as to which direction to go! I am thankful you all made it to page 8 though. We have more Jokes & Quotes for you to enjoy. Shall we get started?
~ 1 ~ Joke
One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
~ 2 ~
Little Johnny joke
So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. "Now, where's my bucket and my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" cried Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
~ 3 ~ Quote
We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.
~Stacia Tauscher~
~ 4 ~ Quote
I may not be where I want to be, but I'm not where I used to be, I'm heading where I'm meant to be and God is watching over me.
~Terri~
~ 5 ~
Joke
Three 7 year old girls were walking down the street wearing their mothers' clothing; large hats, high heels, and long dresses. They passed a bar and one of the girls said, "let's go in for a drink." They went in and crawled up onto the bar stools.
The bartender laughed and thought he would have some fun. He went to the first little girl and said, "What will you have young lady?" The girl replied, "I'll Have a Martini." The bartender could not give them any liquor so he filled up a martini glass with 7-UP, placed an olive in it and put it in front of her.
He said to the second girl, "What will you have today?" She replied, "A Manhattan." The bartender then filled a Manhattan glass with Ginger-Ale, put in a cherry in it, and set it in front of her.
Next he asked the third little girl, "What will you have today?" After a long pause she replied, "I'll have a douche. Mother says they're so refreshing."
~ 6 ~ Joke
The Sunday School Teacher
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar.
And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times. "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?" A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know, I know," she said. "To make the gravy!"
~ 7 ~ Quote
People are like tea bags- - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."
~ 8 ~ Joke
God Is Left Handed?
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother. His
grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked, "Doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?"
Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left-handed."
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him, "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?"
"Well," said Bobby, we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"
~ 9 ~ Joke
Did You Know?
A bicycle can't move by itself because its two-tired.
A will is always a dead giveaway.
A backwards poet writes inverse.
She had a mean boyfriend with a wooden leg so she broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds
A man who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It tainted yours and it tainted mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that he never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Those who jump off a Parisian bridge are in Seine.
When she saw her first gray hair she thought she would dye.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
A grenade thrown into a French kitchen would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
~ 10 ~ Joke
Dinner At Grandma's
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny wait until we say our prayer." his mother reminded him. "I don't have to". The boy replied.
"Of course, you do", his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house". "That's at our house", Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook".
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Meet my good local friend Derwood. He will be happy to take you over to page 9. I am a little surprised he Volunteered. He's a little shy and doesn't get out much. He's what some would call "A Stick In The Mud". Hmmmmmm ... from the looks of things he may be stuck now. Please do me a favor and help nurture his self esteem by giving him a chance to lead you to page 9. If it doesn't work out, you can click on to "NEXT" just under my guest books. I'll meet you over there :)
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