~K-Funk down in SKAtlanta
Putting the FUN back into Angelfire.

"Hey, Doug. Hi Ed."~Me
"Heyy..."~Ed
"You guys both got socks on?"~Me
"Yup, and I've got my flame ones."~D
"Rock on. I'll go get my flame ones. You two don't do anything while I'm gone."~Me
"Okay, babe."~Ed

here goez nuthin!
Tara: (while the jeopardy theme song plays in the background) hmm....i um. i gotta think about this, um....
Kari: dude! balls!
Tara: dude i know but dude!
Kari: dude
Tara: dude!
Kari: dude!
Tara: dude!
Kari: dude!
Tara: DUDE!
Kari: dude.
Tara: (stunned look on her face) i guess you've got a point there....
Kari: well, i'm leaving. you decide what you want. ass.
Tara: pshh, ass.
Kari: (pointing behind Tara) here comes your man.
Tara: (humming a pixies song) here comes my man
Phil: hey girly girl.
Tara: AYUP!!! watcho want g-string? (happy now, kiley?)
Phil: um...hot nooky would be nice.
Tara: dude weak. i dont even know you. i'm not even sure who you are in the first place. i'm not even sure why the hell i'm here! what da fugg? who writes this shite??
Kari: um, Tara....
Tara: oh, right. We do. um, i guess this is bye-bye phillis. it was nice um....meeting you i guess.
Phil: but! but! but! i keep my socks on!
Tara: (stops walking and turns to phil) so does Tavis, Phil. So does Tavis.
(tara and kari run out of house and jump onto a plane that is conveniently parked on the front lawn and fly to the magic tour bus.)
Tara: (flining door open) DUDES! we're home you sad silly bitches!
Aaron: (appearing from back room looking scared) Tara, dude! somethings gone screwy!
Kari: wuts up man? dont tell me its the burrito thing again.
Aaron: no....no....Tara, just....you gotta see this.
(leads girlz to back room where the rest of the fishy wishys are in a circle around Tavis)
Tara: tavis? are you ok?
Tavis: dude, Tara! what the hell is going on?!?!
(suddenly it hits her! Tavis has....gasp.....BLUE HAIR!)
Tara: dude! Tavis! You have blue hair!
Dan: Why though?
Scott: I thought only Tara had blue hair.
Matt: she IS the blue headed princess from the land of severe rocking out.
Tara: dude...if i have blue hair...why would it pass to you?
Kari: (mumbling) maybe its because you're eating his-
Tara: (interrupting intentionally) MAYBE (lowering voice) it's cuz.....hmm....oh no wait..it cant be.....
Aaron: what?
Tavis: what? it better not be anything bad dude!
Tara: could this mean you're the destined almighty of the land of severe rocking out?
Tavis: no its gotta be cuz you're eating my-
Carlos: HOLY BALLS DUDE!
(everyone jumps.)
Matt: dude! what the fugg?
Carlos: LOOK AT SCOTT!
Scott: um, what?
Aaron: dude! Scott! Your jew fuzz is turning blue!!!!
Scott: really? woah dude!
Tavis: (to tara) dude! have you been eating scotts-
Tara: BALLS TAVIS????? NO! why the hell would i do that??
Scott: hey! why not!
Aaron: how come i'm not blue?
Carlos: me too?
Matt: and me?
Dan: and me dammit!
Kari: (hugging dan) cuz you're my little pinky boy thats why.
Dan: oh yeah...heehee
Tara: GOD!!!! I FUCKING HATE PARENTS! ALL PARENTS EVERYWHERE SUCK MAJOR FUCKING GOAT ASS!!!! ALL OF THEM! I DONT CARE WHO THE FUCK PARENTS YOU HAVE THEYRE LOSER ASSHOLES!!!!!! FUCKIN A DAMMIT!!!!!!
Tavis: (backing away) woah dude...are you ok?
Tara: yeah.........yeah......yeah, its all good.
Kari: what the hell was that about?
Tara: dude, just fuckin forget it.....lets get on with the story.....

thank you and good night
* tara *
FUCK YOU!

Kari: Hmph. I observe (says with a New Yawk accent "I obsaiave") that things here are a littly stinky. *sniffs the air*
Dan: No, no, babe, that's Scott.
Kari: Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, oh!! *reaches in the pockets of her rad ass yellow jeans and pulls out a little Christmas tree and hands it to Scott* Here, dude. Now you get to smell like pine trees. I snatched that out of Zippo Boy's car.
Aaron: WAIT! Zippo boy? *Aaron gets all mad and turns red*
Tara: Uhmn, yeah, dude, why?
Matt: You sad fools. Everyone knows that Zippo boy is Aaron's greatest enemy!
Kari: Butt why? Hehehe. I said "butt".
Tavis: Zippo Guy was stealing the flava.
Scott: What flava?
Aaron: My flava.
Scott and Kari: Oh, yeah, dude.
Tara: We were, like, sitting on this curb just kind of waiting for our Taxi to pick us up while we were in Canada and this guy kinda pulled up in an ice cream truck, and we thought it was you, Aaron.
Kari: We SO thought it was you. So we hopped in, and we didn't realize what we did until he lit up a cigarette.
Tavis: Aaron would never smoke!
Aaron: No, no, that's NOT COOL!
Dan: Yeah, anyway. I want some cuddle time. *pulls Kari into the bunks*
Kari: *from the back of the bus* My name is Kari Funk and I only eat pink things.
Dan: Teeheehee.
Carlos: Aaron, how are we gonna get rid of Zippo Guy?
Tara: WHO CARES?! How am I gonna get Tavis back from the Land Of The Dyed? *begins to sob* Such beautiful, brown, soft, virgin hair...
Tavis: Babe, I've still got THAT. *mumbles* Except for that virgin part.

~K-Funk down in SKAtlanta

"I want Dick's head."
"WOAH!"
"No, no, not that."

From: Punkshowho@aol.com

wawawawa wait! someone cuddled with dan...?:******( please i need details..
now im really just gonna go slit my wrists.. i suck..

first of all......FICTION! second of all wrist slitting is NOT COOL. dont even start with that aloe vera bullshit. i dont make rules for this list but there will be NO suicidal phrases in my presence. remember kids....homocide. not suicide. hugs not drugs. play with gays. mate with that kid nate....is there a nate? eat hay by the bay,
* tara *
-changity chang cha bop? what the hell does that mean?
-i dunno!
-A WOP BOP A DOO BOP! A BOP BAM BOOM!

GREASE! OMG I know every single word to that movie by heart.

~Kari

"Okay, scene one. You stand there. No, no, Dan, you don't take off your pants yet. Okay, Aaron, yes, you can go get some McDonald's. No, not now."~Me directing the OBS movie.

Tara: (sitting down and holding her temples) ok ok. gotta think. crush on zippo guy. but zippo guy is aaron only not. scared of aaron. blue trumpet players....
Tavis: you ok?
Tara: yeah...no....almost...i dunno. balls dammit.
Tavis: wanna (makes head motion towards bunks) ya know....
Tara: (thinking) um...maybe later.....i gotta figure this out
Carlos: woah dude....did you....just....pass up hot nooky?
Matt: um...we better get to the bottom of this quick!
Tara: I GOT IT!
Scott: (jumps a little) got what?
Tara: ok dude! it goes like this! see, Zippo Guy is like....Evil Aaron kind of but not really. they're like twins separated at birth! Zippo is the evil one...Aaron good. Even thoug he sometimes freaks the shite outta me.
Aaron: (nodding) right right....
Tara: so Aaron, you being the good twin..
Tavis: Goodwin?
Tara: no, good TWIN.
Tavis: oh.
Tara: but Goodwin does rock.
Aaron: cuz i played with them for about 4 shows.
Tara: right. now anyway...
Carlos: anyway
Matt: anyway....
Tara: ANY-fucking-WAY! Scott sees that Aaron is pissed and mad and Scoot turns blue with pissed offness cuz aaron was pissed.
Scott: how'd you know?
Tara: cuz i'm Tara and i have blue hair.
Tavis: well how do you explain mine?
Tara: cuz i'm eating your balls dude. it doesnt make you special or anything.
Tavis: damn...i thought i was gonna be almighty.
Tara: nope. think of it as me marking my territory or something...
Tavis: oh...um ok.
(from the back room)
Kari: SOCKS DAMMIT! put em on your hands too while you're at it!
Dan: ok ok! geez!
Kari: NOW BITCH!
(silence for a while)
Aaron: ............kay.....
Tara: well Aaron, what do you wanna do now?
Aaron: i wanna kick some evil twin arse if thats ok with you.
Tara: well rock on.....whos getting dan and kari?
Carlos: (whistling and walking away)
Matt: following
Scott: i um....have blue jew fuzz
Tara: i'm uh......nokkying at the moment
Tavis: you are?
Tara: yeah

Tavis: What do you mean, you are?
Tara: I'm visualizing something.
Tavis: Oh. That's kinky. Anyway, we're gonna go kick some Zippo ass. You must come along.
Tara: Okay, but if you hear me going through violent orgasams, just don't mind me.
Tavis: Hmm...
Aaron: You're just weird, little Tara.
Tara: *shivers* Aaron... scary.
Dan: *from the bunks* I did it all for the nookie, come on the nookie, come on.
Kari: So you can take that cookie, and stick it up your
Dan: Yeah...
Kari: Stick it up your
Dan: Yeah...
Kari: Stick it up your
Dan: Yeah...
The RBF (all but Dan) and Tara walk out of the tour bus and go off in hopes of kicking some rear butt.

K-Funk down in SKAtlanta

"Dude, I gotta go."
"Yeah, Tara, pick it up babes."

From: Katie McAndrew katiemcandrew@yahoo.com

Why do you guys write about nothing? This thing is getting soooooooooooo old, can we please talk about something interesting, call me crazy but how bout something about reel big fish!!!!!!! OKat bye byes!

Katie

From: IBosstoner@aol.com

are you badmouthing the balls?!?!?!?!?! i have been a fan of the balls since day one, which makes me more ballspunk than all of you. personally, i love the balls. i anticipate new sagas and i feel the pain when bad stuff happens and i'm left on the edge of my seat with those cliffhangers... woo

"you and me and its all fun. when you're away i got no one"
~Superglue
Johanna

From: RxBandit1@aol.com

I agree BALLS SUCK!

From: BlueIvy18@aol.com

balls rule

From: PnKsKaFiSh@aol.com

again with the hostility whats with people these days? everywhere i go hostile hostile people

well you know how it is. there's always SOMEONE who always has to be mean and be a dick head and make the party seem not as much fun. but you know wut? thats life and we cant change it. so let people suck goat ass. let them be mean. i dont fuckin care! i'm going to see RBF in 15 days! so fugg you up the goat arse rxbandit or wutever! you cant bring ME down!!! MUAHAHAHAAA! BALLS FOR EVERYONE!
* tara *
please dont stop being our friend!!! punk rock karl!

From: KateR416@cs.com

Right on...I fuckin live for the Balls...woo hoo...yee haw...rock on balls!!
-Kate-
Party On!!

When we last left our heros they were going to go find zippo guy and kick his arse for being....an.....um...an ARSE! and for trying to push zippos on our young people which in some 6 degree of kevin bacon way would turn the youth of america on to cigarettes. and you know how the RBF (at least aaron) do not like cigs.
Aaron: man he's given shame to my hairdo for the last time!
Tara: and what a hairdo it is.
Aaron: isnt it though?
Tara: yes, i rather fancy it.
Tavis: where's this zippo guy anyway?
Matt: pissing on that wall over there?
Carlos: well spank my ass and call me charlie. he IZ pissing over there.
Zippo Guy: (seeing that he's being watched) WHAT'S YA NAME??? HE'LL WRIE IT ON THE WALL!!! MIND YA BUISNESS!!!
Carlos: woah dude.
Tara: classic Sandler line.
Tavis: that was funny.
Zippo Guy: (zipping up) wut are YOU doing here, Aaron?
Aaron: i've come for YOU, you chainsmoking bastard!
Scott: (lighting up a cigarette) YEAH!
Aaron: smoking is bad Zippo Guy!
Zippo Guy: who said I smoke, dirp?? I just advertise for lighters!
Aaron: yeah but what do people DO with the lighters??
Scott: (draggin) smoke!
Aaron: and wut are my feelings towards smokers??
Scott: you hate them! (drag)
Aaron: RIGHT!
Tavis: lets kick saome bootay then!
(beatdown on Zippo Guy occurs...when Tara is enlightened all the sudden...)
Tara: wait! stop!
RBF and Zippo Guy: huh?
Tara: dude! Aaron!
Aaron: wut?
Tara: do you realize wut you're doing?
Aaron: kickin arse?
Tara: yes but wut for?
Aaron: for the youth of america! so they dont smoke!
Scott: (draggin again) right on!
Tara: dude Scott is smoking! and you munchy munchy schott, remember???
Aaron: (thinking about it) oh yeah.....you're right.
Tara: so leave Zippo Guy alone. he's a choice peice of arse and its ok to smoke. people ake their own decisions. like scott. he choses to smoke. another factor in the equations of why hes a skank.
Scott: i'm a skank? i thought i was a Jew?
Tara: you are. we love you.

*Aaron stood, towering over the Zippo Guy who now lay in his out sweat, piss, and blood. On Aaron's face was his normal, quirky smile, and he noticably rubbed his fist, laughing to himself, his own little gay (happy gay) self.*
Tavis: *To Zippo* Well, punk. Look who started something now.
Kari: Now you know not to mess with Kevin Bacon's successor. *shudders* Matt Pinfield... circus midgets... happy thoughts...
Dan: Yeah. And especially on his birfday.
Tara: What? What's today's date?
Tavis: The 31st. It was--
Tara: NOOOOO!!! You mean I missed it??
*Aaron remains eerily silent*
Kari: Dude! I so can't remember! Did we party last night or am I just fugged?
Dan: *hugging Kari* You're always fugged.
Tavis: We know THAT, but... I mean, hey... Aaron. *Aaron stands there, staring at Zippo guy, suggestively rubbing his hand* No, no, hey... AARON!
Aaron: *mumbling* I... like... his... hair... *breaks into tears*
Dan: Wait, what is this? Aaron!
Carlos: I know what's wrong. Our lovely Aaron is going through a hard time in his life.
Tara: What? He's got a stiffie? Hehehe... you said "hard."
Matt: Did his lizard (ahhhahahaha) die or something?
Carlos: No, no. He hasn't been eaten in weeks, dude. There's only so much a guy can cope with.
Kari: OOH! OOOHHH!! *gets all happy and appears as Bubbles, the Powerpuff girl!* Bubbles gots an ideeeer! Hehehe.
Dan: Yeah, bebe, what's on your mind?
Kari: You see, okay... uhh... yeah. And stuff.
Tavis: Spit it out.
Kari: Uhmn... I... thought... *turns to her normal self* Shit, nevermind.
Tara: *using her special mind powers* You were gonna say that Aaron should let Zippo Guy eat his balls, right?
Kari: Dude! Yeah! YOU ARE SO RIGHT. (OH, SORRY, CAPS UNlocked moment right there... too lazy to fix it. Deal!)
Tavis: Where's my t-shirt? Where's my moooneyy? Fuck you and your cat... *dances*
Carlos: Uhmn. Okay. So, yeah, actually, Kari that is a good idea.
Matt: I think Aaron's just sad because he's old now and he chopped off all his hair so he can't do that nifty Private Eye hair look.
*Camera turns to see Aaron in a corner, his face in the direction of the wall, with Zippo Guy at his feet, munching away.*
Kari: *shrugs* Dan? You wanna go do it all for the nookie?
Dan: So you can take that cookie...
Tara: *grabbing Tavis' hind quarters* And stick it up your...
Aaron: YEAH!
Scott: Dammit, shutup.
Kari: *shuddering* Fred Durst plus Significant Other plus Matt Pinfield equals impure thoughts.
Tara: Think about peanut butter, Kari. That always makes me happy.
*Tara and Tavis and Kari and Dan return to the bunks to make some hot nooky with socks on.*
Scott: *muttering* When I wake up tomorrow, will you have changed...
Matt: *hugging Scott* Cuz I still feel the same... *eats Scott's balls with his tongue speed that was sexually transmitted from Monique Powell (?)*
Scott: Ohh yeah. Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh.

~K-Funk down in SKAtlanta
Putting the FUN back into Christian concerts when she's not even religious...

"I'm happy!!"
"Dude, why? Being happy sucks."
"No, no! I get to go see Spitting Image tomorrow night! Yeeaaayyy!!"

*Tara sits across the table from Aaron in the Magic Tour Bus. They stare at each other for about an hour.*
Tara: (breaking silence) dude.....are you OK? I thought Zippo Guy made everything better?
Aaron: no........it was a nice surprise but it wasn't necissary the way everyone thought it was......
Tara: you mean you're still sad?
Aaron: uh huh.
Tara: (thinking really hard.) OH SHOITE DUDE! (dives across table to hug poor little aaron.) I'm so SORRY! How could we be so insensitive!! I forgot that your birthday was yesterday!!!!!
Aaron: (eargerly accepting the hug with tears) you guys partied all hard for Tavis! but for me? NOOOOOO!
Tara: dude, i'm so sorry! we're gonna throw the best party for you EVER dude! I'm so sorry! You know we love you to peices!

hahaaaa! cliffhanger!

From: "Melissa Hogan" halawa14@hotmail.com
ok, so i haven't said much lately, so sue me. I just haven't really had the time cause it takes me 2 hours to read all my mail...being as i'm on three onelists, one of which is my own(i'm so proud, i think i'm gonna cry)...there i go, i'm vaclempt...talk amongst yourselves..i'll give you a topic...rhode island is neither a road nor an island....discuss...ok, i'm better now, ok, so, i've been a spectator to this for about 5 days now...Balls RULE, i'm sorry, i don't care what anyone says, but they Rock and rule. also did i ever say how cool jonny on the spot was before??? oh well, you are, and i'd also like to say...where's the rbf?
-melissa
"all work and no beer make homer something something..."
"go crazy?"
"don't mind if i do."
"awoogo, wah=hoo,
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

From: "Why Lime?" rbfishie09@hotmail.com
WHAT IS THERE NOT TO LIKE ABOUT THE BALLS? I love em! Fer those of ya who are bitchin and moanin because of the balls, I'm gonna take all of your email addresses and sign you up for the mars 2001 participation thing. ya know what will happen then? the aliens are gonna come and hunt you down and they're gonna kill you so you're deader than dead and you won't even know you're dead so don't even think about complaining. BALLS RULE!
(i know some of you anti-balls people are probably gonna be pissed with me)
:p and yes that is all i have to say at this moment. please stop begging me for more money, I only have 10 bucks. don't give me that look, I know you're lying. bubbye.

Why Lime? Why not?
"Buck up, camper!"