to be continued!!
*tara*
"betcha havent herd from me in a while!

-Kari finally seperates herself from... uh... Dan... and the luggage belt and makes her way over to Tara.-
Tavis: *whining* Do you two really have to leave?
Tara: Yes, my dear cucumber (?), we must go...
Kari: Hey! Tavis! BYEE! *tackles him in a hug* Hehehehehe save your balls for Tara, okay?
Tavis: Yeah, yeah. I'm a-gunna.
Matt: Bye Kari.
Kari: *hugs* Later gator.
Matt: Keep being a goddess, lady.
Kari: Hehehe that's easy.
Scott: Hey, K-Funk... you gonna leave me out in this shindig?
Kari: Dood, no! *hugs Scott then looks to Dan and gets all huffy-puffy and sad*
Dan: *singing and doing hand motions* Skin-a-marink-e-dink-e-dink, skin-a-marink-e-doo, I love you...
Tavis: *joins in* I love you in the morning and in the afternoon...
Scott: *singing* I love you in the evening and underneath the moon...
Everyone: Skin-a-marink-e-dink-e-dink, skin-a-marink-e-doo.... I love you...
Kari: *doing the face pointing thing* I love you.
Everyone: *giggles*
Aaron: *busts into the scene*
Scott: Woah, man! Shave my head, smack my ass and call me Jasmine!
Aaron: Uhh... no? *shakes head* Anyway, I came here to say something.
Matt: Say something.
Aaron: Something. *shakes head* Anyway, I came here to do something.
Tattoos: Do something.
Aaron: *does something*
Kari: Hey, Aaron. I didn't think you were going to show. Is something wrong, kiddo?
Aaron: Yeah... I'm jealous of Dan.
Dan: Hey, man, I'm sorry...
Kari: No, no, Aaron, give it up. I'm sticking with Dan. I thought you were Scott's bitch?
Scott: Well, he was.
Aaron: Yeah...
Tavis: Aaron, stop whining. You've got that Billie Jean is not my lover chick. Go fuck her.
Tara: Uhh... Tavis, that was uncool of you.
Tavis: What? What'd I do?
Tara: I don't know, but Scott's beating you on Kari's infamous favorite Fish poll. (Hehehe I can plug here!)
Kari: Yeah, dude, and for some reason Aaron's not cool anymore either.
Tara: Like I said, Scott's got the sideburns.
Dan: Well, what about me? Am I not a favorite Fish?
Kari: You ARE losing to Scott, Tavis, AND Aaron. I told you, you need to dye your hair pink again.
Dan: Maybe I might...
-Flight announement comes on the loud speaker.-
Lady: Flight 241 for Canada is now boarding. Please approach the plane.
Tavis: Tara, are you sure you want to go?
Tara: Yes. *to herself* I must see Phil again... *outloud* Well, no, I don't want to go, but yes, I need to. *kisses Tavis on the cheek* Bye love.
Tavis: Later.
Kari: *does the Regan thing walking onto the plane, giggling* Byeeeee dears. Keep skankin!

.............off to band camp...........
figured I should do another one before I left...
even though this was very uneventful.

~K-Funk from SKAtlanta
Putting the FUN back into McNuggets.

"Kevin Bacon sucks."
"Amen to that."

*inside the plane*
Kari: (To Tara) Uhh... uhmn... Hey, T, is this crap really chicken?
Tara: I don't even want to know...
Kari: So, what are you going to miss the most about the Fish?
Tara: You know, Koki, you know.
Kari: Hehehe, Tata, remember when it all started?
Tara: Man, that was, like, way back in ...
Together: ... April.
*flashback thing*
*Tara's voice narrorating*
Tara: Dude, I remember when Tavis and I busted in the 7-Eleven and shot that clerk.
Kari: No, no, you retard it didn't happen like that. We were trying to recreate a scene from that Kevin Smith film, but we couldn't find a counter dood that could speak English.
Tara: OH! Yeah! And then we raided the Phillips 66 and took all of their sugar free cotton candy!
Kari: Dude, no. I don't know what kind of shit you've been smoking but it NEVER happened that way.
Tara: Well, what about the burrito incident?
Kari: YEAH! Whatshisbutt couldn't cook the burritos right and the bus caught on fire!
Tara: Scott lost his Jew Fuzz!
Kari: That was SO not cool...
Tara: Yeah, and this one time, at band camp, I put a flute...
Kari: Woah, dude, no.
Tara: Oh, yeah, wrong movie.
Kari: Anyway... back to the chicken.
*Flashback ends*
Tara: Yeah, what is this? Like the processed man-boob fat of Mr. McAsslicker?
Kari: *vomits silently*
Tara: Forget I said that.
Kari: Yeah. Hey, look, Tara, is that Billy Corgan?
Tara: WHAT? That dude in the skirt? *whispers* Shakedown 1979...
Kari: Young kids never have the time...
Tara: Yeah, chick, that is SO him.
Kari: Hehehehe. *cackles* Mwahahaha. Idea, idea!!! *starts bouncing up and down with her rad pink hair*
Tara: Hey, look, just don't rape him, okay?
Kari: *gets up* Thanks for the suggestion!! *walks over to Mr. (or should we say Ms.?) Corgan* Hey, uhh... aren't you... shit... I forgot her name... uhh... OH YEAH! Aren't you D'arcy from that band about Halloween?
Billy: Umm... no?
Kari: *constipated look* Fuck. *looks down* Sorry, Billy.
Billy: Wait, wait, you know who I am?
Kari: How could I not? Shit yeah, I know who you are. Hey, you wanna come chill with me and my rad ass girlie?
Billy: Uhmm... I kinda can't. I'm not allowed to hang out with punkers. It's against my contract.
Kari: Weak. Well, hey, can you sign these? *bends back a little*
Billy: *moves in to sign Kari's breasts*
Kari: *pulls up two shoelaces and smiles* It's a fetish of mine...
Billy: Uhh... sure. *signs the shoelaces* Nice talking to you... uhh... what's your name?
Kari: I'm Tracy and my friend Barbara says hi.
Billy: It's been real, Trace. *shakes Kari's hand*
Kari: Yeah... *under breath* Cock.
*Kari returns to her second-not-cool-class-seats*
Tara: How'd it go?
Kari: *slams down shoelaces* Fukin sellout. Can't hang out with fukin punks because he's a fukin gothwannabepunker.
Tara: That's weak.
Kari: Yeah, but it's awl good. I like the shape of his head and he DID sign these shoelaces for me.
Tara: Another pair to add into the collection, ay?
Kari: Yeaaaa-yahhh.
*The second-not-cool-class TV's turn on and guess what movie it is!*
Tara and Kari: WAAAYYNE'S WORLD!
Tara: ROCK!
Kari: Shit yeah!
*both singing*: Wayne's World, Wayne's World, party time, excellent, ree-eer ree-eer!
*2 hours later the plane lands*
Tara: Hey, are our coughcoughMENcoughcough coming to pick us up er what?
Kari: I dunno. Seth told me that he was coming to pick us up in his E.V. (That's Employee Vehicle for all of you out there)
Tara: SWEET! That means he's picking us up in the ice cream truck?
Kari: Ha ha, yeah. But I'm not gonna give Seth any of my ass. I'm, like, devoted or something.
Tara: Yeah, me too... I think.

~K-Funk down in the AfuckingTL
Putting the FUN back into continental flights.

"Heeyyy, Tara better write another balls thing."
"Yeah... and stuff or something."

i cant believe i'm doing this......even after.....well....i'm sad right now about love issues so fuck shit mother fuggin goat ass YEAH

*some car pulls up...ice cream truck? blasting bjork? why not*
Tara: woah dude! Is that....who i THINK is sitting in the backseat???
Kari: oh that's some guy...i forget his name. he has a zippo fetish i hear.
Tara: DUDE! it is! it's the mother fucking Zippo guy!!!! what am i do to? how am i to proceed???
Kari: you *giggles* like *tries not to giggle* Zippo GUY???? *laughs*
Tara: no.........YESSSS!!!! *slaps hands* YEAH!(night at the roxbury moment right there)
Kari: *getting into car* hi Zippo Guy.
Zippo G: hey man. who's the other?
Kari: this is Tara. she likes cotton candy and shiny things.
Tara: uh...uh.....um....mumafuggin...uh....balls?
Zippo: *giggling like school girl* hi there
Tara: i um...like your sideburns.
Zippo: cool.
*car goes off somewhere...to um.....muther fucking...to a...movie theatre*
Kari: why are we at the movies?
Zippo: i dunno. Tara, why are we at the movies?
Tara: cuz that's how life goes.
Zippo: i'm sorry??
Tara: yeah....you meet the guy of your dreams and you can share everything...EVERYTHING! this guy fucking rULES! but he lives in fucking all the over in china!!!!!
Kari: woah dude! we're um....in the balls stories ok? hint hint TAVIS!
Tara: *breathing heavily* damn this place. you got those Dan pink hair clippings?
Kari: yeah....wanna go smoke em?
Tara: i dunno. I want ice cream.
Zippo: this IS an ice cream truck
Tara: no it isnt.
Zippo: yes it is! oh my god! why not?
Kari: cuz um......i have a page. hold up. *kari checks page*
Tara: if its the Los, i'm not explaining that microwave to him again.
Kari: it's not....i never seen this number before....
Tara: who is it?
Kari: well if i've never seen this # then i wouldnt knwo who it is would i?
Zippo: *hiding cell phone* call them back
Kari: kay. *dials # on payphone* hello? did someone just page me?
Zippo: i DID!!!! *pulls knife* MUAHAHAHAAA!
Tara: shit, dude, no more smokin Dan Regan anymore....this is just to wak.
Zippo: *holding knife up to Kari's throat* both of you's get in the car and no one gets hurt....for now.
Tara: damn.....and i was planning some hot nooky tonight with you Zippo guy. but now kiss that good-bye! you FUCK!
Zippo: *tying up the chix and keeping them at knife point* dont you two move. or you're dead. Now you're rich loser ska band boyfriend rock stars outta pay off this ransom or tomorrow night you DIE!
Tara: um.....i dont think we have that much money so.........
Zippo: then tomorrow night you DIE! muahahahahahahhhhaaa!
Tara & Kari burst into song: Shutcho fucking face unckle fucka! you're a bonerbiting bastard unckle fucka!
Kari: looks like we may be out of luck!
Tara: tomorrow night we're pretty fucked!

WHAT HAPPENS NOW????????? shit dude!!!!!!
* tara *
-i'm going to watch Leland now. stand out of my path!
-is that the guy who gets the alien bust out of him in that other movie?
-please.....that part made me cry....lets move onto this happy movie...kay?
-bench 45lbs first
-fuck you

BEWARE... this installment is, like, REALLY evil of me and uses the f word a lot.

Kari: *managing to light a cigarette* Tara, this blows.
Tara: Goats, even.
Kari: You know what? I think my life is, like, flashing before my eyes.
*flashback (you know you love it!!)*
*The girls narrorate again*
Tara: You remember Kevin Bacon?
Kari: Yeah, the prick in the spandex? What an ass master. *takes a drag off her cigarette*
Tara: Back to the goats, man, back to the goats.
*flashback ends*
Kari: So, uhh... what do we do? Confess our darkest secrets?
Tara: No. You know that movie Space Balls?
Kari: Hehehe balls, man, how could I not?
Tara: Well, if we start getting hungry, we'll have to eat ourselves.
Kari: Let's not think about that. I'd rather be rescued by my love bunnies Dan and Sethiepoo.
Tara: Yeaahh! Phil and Tavis, man, ROCK!
Kari: *takes last drag offa her cigarette and smushes it on the ground* You know what, Tara?
Tara: What, dude?
Kari: Ropes suck.
Tara: Give me a hell yeah!
Strange Voice: HELL YEAH!
Kari: Uhh... whothefuckisthat?
Strange Voice: It is me, the almighty!
Kari and Tara: Dan?
S. Voice: No, no, I am Jesus!
Kari: Dammit, Dan, QUIT IT! Get your ass out here and untie me! You can tie me up later, though...
S. Voice: No, no, I am the greatest actor in the world!
Tara: Ethan EMBRY?!?!? Woah, dude!
S. Voice: Okay, fuck you. It's me. *jumps into the light*
Kari: Uhmn... what? Is this a joke?
Tara: Nooo, not Kevin Bacon AGAIN.
Kevin: But you love me, you cannot resist me.
Kari: Actually, I can. That pink spandex doesn't exactly compliment your nonexistant buldge, pigfucker.
Tara: HAHAHHAHAHAHAAHA.
Kevin: Hey, do you want to shut up?
Kari: No. But I want you to get out of my face. I'm SICK AND TIRED of seeing you in the theatre! Just the other day I was at Blair Witch Project and you were in one of the PREVIEWS! That totally messed with my brain, man.
Tara: Wait, Kari, you have a brain?
Kari: Uhh... yeah?
Kevin: Anyway. I WAS going to untie you two bitches, but I guess I won't any more.
Kari: Yeah, take your millimeter peter somewhere else, fuck nut.
*Kevin leaves*
Tara: Hey, K, that was really uncool of you right there.
Kari: Well, Bacon has been on my last nerve for a really long ass time.
Tara: Yeah, whatever.
*the two sit in silence for what seems like 2 hours but is really 2 minutes*
Kari: OH, WAIT!
Tara: Dude??
Kari: You know what!! I wear contacts! Which mean I have rad ass glasses in my pocket!
Tara: Uh.. so?
Kari: No, no, you don't understand! I can catch the light from the window of the truck and burn the rope!
Tara: WOAH! You rock!!!
Kari: *giggles* Man, I know this. *burns her rope*
Tara: Untie me! Untie me!!
Kari: *unties Tara* So... where do we go from here?
Tara: It's time to kick some Zippo Boy ass!
Kari: Yeaaah, but don't hurt him too bad cuz you know you wanna toss his salad+.
Tara: Shit, girl, I SO won't hurt his ass.

+ I don't think it's possible for a girl to toss a guy's salad... but hey... we go to extremes for comedy. :)

~K-Funk down in SKAtlanta
Putting the FUN back into anal examinations.
...wait.

"Dude!"
"Dude?"
"Duuude!"
"Dude."
"Dude."

From: "thrasher" thrasher@a-o.com

I haven't posted in a LONG time, I've just been trying to keep reading, butI have to post and thank you girls for bringing balls back! That's just the highlight of my day to see Balls again! That is the fucking BEST!
And oh yeah. Johnny Vega$ you rock, I missed you while you were gone...neways. I'll start posting more here soon enough, just let me get to college.:-)
John

just doin my job, john....just doin my job. and WOW! Kari! Finally! We get a GUY to give us a good comment on the stories! heehee....i'm tellin ya we're going for global domination here....first the RBFMojo list...then the world!!!!! muahahahaa! i'm evil today, mr. vega$
* tara *
"Your eyes....your smile....made my little life worth while! There was nothing I couldn't do....when I was on top of yoooouuuuuu."

Hey... uhh... John, I know this may sound weird (but hey, I'm co-author of the Balls, after all) but do you nooky with socks on? Cuz... I mean, shit... that's just the ultimate sign of coolness right there, man. Plus you commented on the balls... and it was a good comment. Can we, like, preserve you in that jell-o stuff and just look at you for a real long while? Or better yet, can we immortilize you like they did with Kareem Abdul Jabbar (hehehe I can't spell) in BASEketball? Rock.

~K-Funk
Putting the FUN back into... nookie.

may we slice you? dice you? put you in tupperware? sprinkle pez on you? fluff you into cotton candy? beat you? put you in a tutu? beat you some more? put you back into your regular clothes? beat you again?
* tara *
-i wanna be a writer
-A WRITER? WELL LA DE FREA-KIN DA!

AHHHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHA.

~K-Funk

"All Gavin Rossdale look alikes please move to the front. You will be the first to be strip searched." ~Me.

From: RxBandit1@aol.com

i don't want to be a bastard, and i really don't wan to start a fight but those balls stories suck! i hate them with such a passion. th site was funny but those stories are lame.bye! sorry, i have to be honest.