Tavis; Are you almost done in there, babe?
Tara: Dude, go find something to do....but save the doin for me!
Tavis: *sigh* (he still sits there)
MEANWHILE! Aaron and Kari lie in bed spooning each other while Kari smokes a cig and desperatly tries to figure out what to do*
Kari: Oh, Aaron....I really like you and your balls have such a nice tangy goodness but I know in my heart that Dan is my true love...
Aaron: It's totally understandable babe. Why don't you just be Dan's girl but you know...come to me whenever something is bothering you.
Kari; Oh, Aaron...it just doesn't work that way when you're in love.
Aaron: Well, I don't know anything about love really....I mean Scott is good and all but (pulls Kari closer) there is nothing like a dame.
Kari *sigh* whatever shall i do?
MEANWHILE: Scott sits with Dan on the roof of the bus watching the stars.*
Scott: Dan...i feel bad
Dan: Why bad?
Scott: I dunno...something's eating me...and it's not you...or Aaron...and I think that's the problem
Dan: Why?
Scott: Dan...you're with Kari...I'm with aaron...it's just the way things are..i mean going off track is nice every once in a while but i dunno..my sonic jew fuzz is telling me there's something more i should be looking for out there...something unspoken
Dan: Well, what about Tara? Has she ever eaten your balls? I hear she's quite a biter and I don't know if I go for that
Scott: (looking down but with a slight hint of smile) yeah.....she has....this one time in that tattoo parlor in Chicago....but that was a long time ago and we're better friends now
Dan: Oh....
Scott: I'm just so confused
MEANWHILE: Kari has taken her problem to Tavis and Tara. Since Tara's blue hair makes her wise and all knowing and Tavis has glasses so he must be smart*
Tara: Well, Kari....this is weird...i mean you're in love...but having flings
is so nice every now and then
Kari: yes...uh huh Tara: You know what I think? I mean...I love you Tavis....you know that (the couple rubs nosses and make googoo sounds for a sec)
Tara: BUT....and this is a big butt...i cannot lie....flings are essentiol to life, right babe?
Tavis: (tinking) yeah...i mean...no one eats my balls like Tara but you look for something didfferent every now and then right?
Kari: (almost getting it) yeah....
Tara: so....you and Dan are in love...and love is a beautiful thing but flings are also very pretty....you can love Dan and be Dan's girl but also have a little snack every now and then not just with aaron but you know...whoever
Kari: (enlightened look on her face) yeah....yeah.....YEAH!
Tavis: So....anyone can eat my balls? whoever I want?
Tara: No. I have to scan them first
Tavis; ok
MEANWHILE: Scott and Aaron are making a reconsile simalar to what Kari would like to with Dan when the Los comes running in*
Carlos: You guys! Oh, my god! There's like....ah...ah..a THING! It's taking over Matt!
Scott: Whaaaaat?
Carlos: Come on!
(they run to Matt who is on the floor in a spazm)
Aaron: (tothe Los) What'd you DO???
Carlos: Nothing! We were just sitting there and I was spitting when BAM! he just spazzez out!
(Tavis, Kari, Dan and Tara come in)
Dan: What's all this shite about?
Tara; Oh...CHRIST!!! I've seen this before....
Everyone: WHAT?
(Tara puts her arm around Carlos)
Tara: Carlos...you're having puppies.
EVERYONE: WHAT?!?!?!?
Carlos: Is that POSSIBLE?
Tara: (realizing her mistake) Oh, doh...i mean....sorry...wrong scene.
EVERYONE: whew!
Kari: What's wrng with him?
Tara: He's doing a typical guy thing.
Tavia: Why, babe, whatever do you mean?
Tara: Carlos, he's realizing that he's falling in love with you and now he's scared of the commitment thing.
(Carlos' eyes turn into little red hearts)
Carlos: *sigh*
(Matt stops)
Matt: um...uh....carlos....um...um..
Carlos: I know dude....i know
(the Los and Matt BASEketball kiss)
(Tara and Tavis BASEketball kis)
(Dan and Kari BASEketball kiss)
(Scott and Aaron BASEketball kiss)
Tara: Now....just for the record...we're all in love one way or another..but that doesnt mean there's no flingage. ok? understood?
(FLASH OF LIGHT)
Tara: WOAH DUDE! IT'S MY SOUL SISTAH KI-LEE!
Kiley: alright....what's all this poo (intead of shit say poo) about love?
Scott: Kiley...I....I don't knwo what to say
Aaron: say yes...Scott...its just not me and you anymore
Scott; huh?
Kari: He's right Scott.....I love Aaron i think
Dasn: WHAT?
Kiley: Scott..i don't know wabout this love shit...i mean Matthew Stone is still me too but..god...i want your jew fuzz to be my jew fuzz too
Scott: OH KILEY! (BASEketball kiss)
Dan: um..ok now...WHAT?
Tara: Dan...ah...um....MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH
Tavis: HEY! um...leave some for me!
-What the hell is going on here??-
will it end up Scott and Kiley? (probaly not...kiley a guest camio and she's not into the "only you" shite)
Will it be Aaron and Kari?
Will Tara EVER get to try bondage with Tavis??
Will Dan be left all alone?
FIND OUT NEXT TIME!
there....i tried...now i'm going to bed
fucking love you all...thia is Tara in NY
"balls be for me"
-
here we go again...........
*a few minutes after Kiley's arrival, the RBF, kiley, tara and kari sit around the Magic Living Room and think of what the hell they should do*
Dan: so....
Kari: (trying not to look Dan in the eye) so....
Aaron: Well, we need to think of something cuz everyone's gonna end up getting pissed at each other and then everyone will h8 eachother and we gota stop this war.
Tara: (mumbling softly) stop this....waaaaaaar........
Kiley: Well, i'm just stopping by to visit and party with Tara and get some Hot Nooky from Scott. I don't wanna cause trouble.
Tara: that's a first
Matt: well uh..i um.....this is just all too wierd.
Carlos: maybe we shouldn't have gotten romantically involved. Any of us. Maybe it's just not professional.
Tara: Maybe so...
Tavis: (looking Tara dead in the eye) what? no...no it's ok really!
Tara: (turning to Tavis) babe, everything that we're doing is screwing up th band. maybe Kari, Kiley adn I should go.....we don't want to screw things up.
Kari: (taking Dan and aaron's hand[s]) yeah....
Scott: but...well...*sigh* i think you're probably right, Tara.....
Carlos: yeah...um..
Kari: *sigh* i'll just get a few of my thigs and we'll go
Tara: (getting up) me too.....
*the RBF and Kiley sit at the table stunned while, Kari and Tara go to their seperate rooms to collect their things. Tavis gets up and runs to where Tara is*
Tavis: *spinning Tara aorund to look at him* babe, you're not serious about this
Tara: don't Tavis...just don't....i...i have to go
Tavis: no babe! you don't have to do this! you can stay! we're not bothering anyone else! please...(voice crax) please...i...(crak)...i...i need you
Tara: no you don't Tavis...you need to concentrate on the band....just let me go ok.
Tavis: (letting go of her arm) babe...
(Tara slings her backpack over her shoulder and kisses Tavis before he can see her tears)
Tara: i love you.....
Tavis: (still holding her wrist as she tries to walk away) i love you
(Tara hesitates wondering if this is the right thing to do. She shakes the bad thoughts away and, pulls away from Tavis and leaves only noding to the RBF as she walks outside waiting for Kari and Kiley)
IN THE BUS
Kari stopps to give one last look at aaron and she winks...then her eyes move to Dan and she begins to well up as she notices the hurtful look he has.
Dan: (puts head in his hands) sigh...just get out before we stop you
(a tear runs down Kari's cheek and she turns to leave)
Kari: kiley.....come on...
(Kiley crawls out from under the talbe and wips her mouth as she winks at Scott. Scott sits there in a daze)
(Kari and Kiley step out the door and get in Tara's Happy Party Vehicle (or the 52 HPV). Tara gets in last but not before noticing Tavis' face in the window. She bites her lower lip and forces herself not to look back.......
2 WEEKS LATER
(Tavis is leaning on a payphone trying to stop the bleeding on his leg...the rest of the RBF, badly injured and in dire need of help are laying on the ground at the rest stop trying to stay concious as the Magic Tour Bus burns in the background)
(The phone rings at Tara's quiant little apt. on Sunset Blvd in LA. Kari walks in with Kiley without knocking as usual. Tara answers the phone)
Tara: hello? (rubs her eyes....hasn't been sleeping well)
Tavis: TARA???
Tara: tavis? is that you?
Tavis; TARA! o god...you gotta help us! i think my leg is broken and Scott's jew fuzz is falling out and i think Aaron is dead!
Aaron; (in the background) no! no it's ok! still here but very badly burned!
Tavis: oh, ok..Aarons not dead...whew...but PLEASE you gotta get down here! we're at some rest stop in Navada..please!
Tara; i'm on my way, babe! (hangs up) Kari! Kiley! We gotta get outta here! To the HPV!!!
Kari: What's going on?
Tara: I don't know but we gotta get the RBF! Somnethings happening!
Kiley: Oh man dont tell me Carlos needs you to start the microwave burrito again...
Tara: I think it might be something more this time but we'll find out
THE GOILS ARRIVE ON THE SCENE
Tara: Oh Tavis! (kneels down by the bruised trumpet player lying in a puddle of his own blood) What happened???
Tavis: (cough) oh, man....after you guys left....we were fine for about a week....then things just got bad, Tara...oh god....first Carlos coulnldn't have any burrito cuz he doesn't kmnow how to work the microwave without you so he started to starve himself.....
Dan: (coughs and spits up blood) then...Matt's tatoos melted cuz Carlos couldn't play the bongos to make that nekkid woman tattoo dance.....
Matt: then....(spit) Aaron didn't have anyone to scare (shoots look to Tara) and his self esteem went down and he started barfing up his food and reading teen mags...
Aaron: and then...Dan didn't have Kari to help him shave good and he kept cutting up his face and shite....
Dan: and then...Tavis was having some sort of sex withdrawl and and he was going all psycho and he broke his glasses and banged into shit.....
Tavis: then...Carlos tried to make a burrito by himself and the bus cought fire and then..and then......
Tara, Kari, Kiley: WHAT?? TELL US!
Tavis: SCOTTS JEW FUZZ ALL FELL OUT
Kiley: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
(Scott, with no hair is lying on the ground by Dan trmbling)
Kiley: (sitting nexto him) oh why? god why?
Tavis: dont you see Tara? We need you....please come back..without dames were nothing....this is a gigantic problem....
Tara: but our kisses are deadly, Tavis....suck it up..boys don't cry man....
Tavis: but who will feed the los when he's hungry like the wolf?
Tara: but um...mele kalikimaka god dammit!
Tavis: i know...but what's more important....you take on me....you know it too....i love you...please don't let me die.....
Kari: wait a minute....(thinks about cover songs) nah....
Tara: (crying and now hugging teh upper half of Tavis as his leg bleeds all over her) i love you too Tavis! I'm sorry! Im so sorry! I'll never go awway again!!!
Kari: (hugs Dan and aaron) i'll never leave again either!!!
Kiley: (to Scott) munch munch munch...
(Scotts jew fuzz begins to sprout again)
Tara pulls a burrito out of her pocket and feeds it to Carlos. He regains strength and stands up and laughs really hard devouring the rest of the mexican cuisine. He pulled out his bongos from his pockets and began to play. Matts tattoos returned and the half neekis woman began to dance again. Kari shaved Dan's face properly and ate his balls. Then Aaron made a cross eyed face at Tara and scared her so he began to feel goods about himself again. Things were going to be ok.
ONE WEEK LATER
Tara and Tavis were lieing in Tavis' bunk trying to regroup from some severe hot nooky.
Tara: its good to be back
Tavis: (panting heavily) I'll say
Kari runs in being chased by Dan....is that taco sauce all over her chin?
Kari: EEEHEEHEEHEE!!!!
her and Dan run back out.
Scott and Aaron are gazing into each others eyes over teir morning coffee and Matt and Carlos are doing something somewhere else....everything was cool
THERE! HOW DO YA LIKE THEM APPLES???? i'm getting out of here now before this killer kills me! damn my cuz and my brother for making me watch the original psycho!!!!
love the fuk always
*tara*