*Kari wipes taco sauce off of her stomach* -- Hey, Dan, why did we just stop?
Dan -- I dunno. But... we did.
-at the Subway-
Aaron -- Hey, bitch, why'd you stop munching?
Scott -- Dude, I DON'T KNOW.... I think somethin' weird's happened.
-in Tavis' bunk- Tavis -- Hey, Tara, I think, like, Carlos is gone. That's why you're not eating my balls right now.
Tara -- Dude... is that ALL you think about?!
Tavis -- No, I'm serious... I have superpowers. It's all in the hats. I, like, sense Carlos' absence.
Tara -- Shit! We gotta go find him!! KARI! Hey! Kari! Do you have your clothes on??? We gotta go get Carlos.
*Kari slips her shirt on real fast* -- Now I do.. yeah, let me get Dan cleaned up.
Tavis -- Damn, they like it kinky, don't they?
*Tara shrugs*
-in Tavis' Falcon-
Kari -- Hey, we need to go to Subway to pick up the dorks.
-Scott and Aaron cram in the back seat. Kari sits on Dan's lap and Aaron sits on Scott's.-
Dan -- Aww... gross, dudes, GROSS! Sick, why do you have to do that in front of me?
Kari -- *munch munch munch* (<---- she's munching on Dan's balls, not Aaron's. That will happen later.)
*Tara talks in a Gillian Anderson-like tone, all serious and for some strange reason she morphs into Scully* -- Mulder, we have to find Carlos. They took him to the Wal-Mart.
*Tavis melts into David Duchovny, aka, Mulder* -- God, Scully. Anything but that.
Tara/Scully person -- *wipes her mouth* You turn left up here.
Dan says from the back seat -- God damn you, Aaron! I told you to stop! You know I kick your ass on trombone.
*Aaron whimpers and returns to Scott's arms for it is a little known fact that Aaron DOES play trombone...*
-They pull up to the Wal-Mart and there are like, 210437523047238498275405820439 cars in the parking lot. Okay, I lied. There were maybe two less than that.-
*everyone goes inside*
*Kari points to some random guy* -- Hey, isn't that Steve Perry???
Dan -- WOAH DUDE! I'm gonna go get some twizzlers. Come with me babe.
Kari -- Hey, that's weak. That's just a little too kinky for me. Let's go get some whipped cream.
--back to Mulder and Scully--
Scully -- *wipes her mouth* What were we doing again? Oh, yeah, finding Carlos.
Mulder -- Scully, where do you think they took him?
Scully -- There's only one place. The freezer.
Mulder -- ANYTHING BUT THE FREEZER!!
--Kari walks by Aaron to see him sitting in Ronald McDonald's lap (you know at Wal-Mart's how they have Mickey-Dee's in there and the bench with the clown dude on it. Okay, maybe I hang out at Wal-Mart too much)--
Kari -- Hey Aaron.
Aaron -- Hi.
Dan -- Don't even think about it, you sexy queer. We all want your body.
Kari -- Yeah, we ALL do... *she says this in a EEE-VIL tone*
Aaron -- OH NO!! NOT YOU TOO!!!!!!!!!!!! *Aaron runs away like a little Aaron baby, his awesome shoes hitting the floor hard*
~Kari
"Wal-Mart BASTARDS!!"
hehehe... this is a hard setup Tara, try your best.
ok.....thanks a lot kari...here goes nothin.....
Aaron is running to find Scott. He spots him looking at some wal*mart porn.
Aaron: Scott! Oh man! Everyone wants my balls!
Scott: Yeah...sure
Aaron: I'm for real! Oh, Scott, hold me.
Scott: Get off me, homo rainbow.
Aaron: (with hurt look on his face) What?
Scott: You heard me...go get that fofo Tavis to hold you...pussy.
Aaron runs away sobbing, knocking over a display of Star Wars toys.
MEANWHILE-Scully & Mulder (aka Tara and Tavis) are in the freezer looking for Carlos. Mulder has shrinkege.
Mulder: Can we please find the Los? I have shrinkege. Flaccid, i'm still 7in though.
Scully: Well, if it makes you feel any better i could cut glass with my nips.
Mulder: Oh that makes me feel more then better.....
(they move in for some action when all the sudden *thump*)
(Carlos lands on the ice cold floor in front of them)
(Scully buttons up her top while Mulder zips his fly)
Mulder: so close....sigh
(Scully helps Carlos up)
Scully: What the hell is your deal man?
Carlos: I was thrown into a time lapse in the Magic Tour Bus while you guys were nookying. Now things are totally wacked out. A band without a drummer is a rap group....like the spice girls.
Scully gasps and buries her face in Mulders manly chest.
Scully: Oh, sweet Buddha no!
Carlos: yes. Now Scott ignores Aaron and Dan and Kari want HIS balls.
Mulder: But where's Matt in this whole mess?
Carlos: Thats what we should be afraid of.
CUT AWAY SCENE TO AARON RUNNING
Aaron falls to his knees by the cosmetics section, sobbing into a shower pouff. Suddenly, a shadow falls over him, he looks up to see Matt standing before him.
Aaron: Oh, Matt! Thank Buddha you're here! Scott was...and then Kari...Dan....
Matt: stupid stupid fool.....(EEE-VILY now)
Aaron: Matt? Wha-what's going on?
Matt: Get up, bitch.
Aaron whimpers and stands up. Matt rips off Aaron hawiian shirt and throws it on.
Matt: Scotts my bitch now. You can stand in the back of the stage and be all quiet and never have any fun.
Aaron: But! WHY???
CUTS AWAY TO KARI AND DAN AND SCOTT ORGYING
Tavis and Tara now bust on the scene with Carlos (back to their normal state)
Tavis: WOAH DUDE!
Carlos: Stop! All of you! NO MORE! the LOS is back!
Dan, Kari and Scott stop.
Scott: What happened?
Dan: (realizing he's lying on top of Scott) EW!!!! SICK DUDE!!!
Kari: Oh, man....this is kinda akward.
Carlos: Come on! We gotta find Aaron and Matt before it's too late!
CUTS AWAY TO THEM FINDING MATT AND AARON BY THE SUNGLASSES
Matt has Aaron tied up by a bunch of bras and he lies on the floor helpless.
Matt: Hey, Scott
Scott: Aaron!
Aaron: MPPHH!!! (trying to communicate through gag)
Carlos: MATT! GIVE ME THAT SHIRT! you don't have to do this! I'm back!
Matt: So you are. But that won't stop me from doing THIS!
Matt eats Scotts balls with the speed of a lizard.
Scott: Hey, is there a mosquito in here?
Tara: I'LL KILL IT!!
Aaron: (biting through gag) NOOOOO!
Tavis: BASTARD!
Suddenly Aaron wiggles his toes and out shoots the poison from his shoes to stunn Matt as Scott can untie Aaron.
Matt: um what?
Kari: woah dude...this is pretty fucked up right here.
Dan: yep
Carlos: Matt? You OK? It's over now. We can go home. I'm back. I'll even eat your balls to celebrate...even though I would've eaten them anyway...
Matt: (little impish smile) Ok
Tavis: Where's the mattress section?
Tara: IS there a mattress section?
Tavis: I don't know but I'm meanin to find out!
Tara: Oh, I love it when you talk dirty to me! Come on!
(Tavis throws her over his shoulder and they go...somewhere)
Scott and Aaron hug and fix each other's shirts so they look all spiffy again. Kari pulls some whip cream out of the collar of her shirt and Dan drags her to a secluded area. Carlos eats Matt's balls. The end....???? OR IS IT???!!?
well that's all for as long as i know folks! I'm heading to NY for the next 3 weeks! I love all of you and I'll try to update the BALLS as much as possible! KARI! Kepp things rollin!!! And remember....I'll be watching....
your BALLS SQUAD co-leader!
*tara*
"there is nothing you can name that is anything like a mother fucking dame"
From: Meriru-chan ^_^ MagicKnightFuu@prodigy.net
Dudes, I have been totally loving your story, it's hilarious, but you've gone too far. Why!? Why Carlos!? How could you make him disappear!? I love him! You're just cruel, heartless folk. Did he ever do anything to YOU!? Poor little drummer boy. At least give him a woman to compensate for all the distress you've caused! You should be ashamed of yourselves....
- Merrill, head of CAA (Carlos Appreciation Association)
--Since Wal-Mart is open 24/7, we return to see the posse there, things returning somewhat to normal--
Matt: Ooh, yeah, Carlos eat my balls and munch 'em good!!
Carlos: *munch munch munch*
-Dan and Kari in the kids toys section, Kari sitting on one of those big wheels cars that we all wanted when we were 6-
Dan: Dude, Something weird's happening again.
Kari: Hey, it just feels weird cuz we're on this bike. Have fun with it, man.
Dan: I'm trying. *Wipes off his mouth*
-Aaron and Scott are sitting at the McDonald's in a booth eating (is that ALL they do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!)-
Scott: Hey, Aaron, I'm sorry about before. It's just... Kari and Dan are so hot.
Aaron: Yeah, I know, I can't blame it on you, dude. I probably would have done the same thing.
*Scott and Aaron make hot Scott and Aaron nooky and stop every once and a while for a french fry or a sip of a Coke*
-Tavis and Tara are making out on a bean bag-
Tara: Hey Tavis, this isn't a matress, but it's just as good.
Tavis: Tata, could you go get some hot sauce from Kari? I want to try it... her and Dan seem to be enjoying their kinky munching.
*Tara leaves to go get taco sauce*
-She passes Scott and Aaron-
Tara: Aw, man, sick, dude.
-She passes Carlos and Matt-
Tara: teeheehee... that's cute
-Tara walks in on Kari and Dan fighting-
Dan: Well, chick, if you WANT Aaron's balls I could understand.
Kari: I, I, I....
Tara: Uh, Kari, can I borrow some taco sauce?
Kari: I'm out. We... we.... you know.
Tara: Oh.
Dan: Tara, WHAT are you doing here, YOU EVIL DWARF?!
*Everyone is in awe from Dan screaming at Tara*
Kari: Dan!? WHAT THE HELL are you saying that for?
*Tara just kinda sits there with her chin hitting the floor*
Dan: *Stares at Tara for a reeeelly long time until she goes *poof!**
Tara: *poof!*
Kari: God, dammit, Dan I told you not to ever do that AGAIN! That's how you made yourself disappear so long ago on the bus when Evil Dan took you over and was trying to be Evil Tavis... and that's the SAME damn thing that happened to Matt. Stupid fucker, no munchy, munchy for long time.
*Kari runs away crying trying to find Aaron*
Kari: Aaron? Hey, Aaron?
Aaron: *wipes off mouth* Yeah, babe?
Kari: Dude, Dan made Tara go poof! You have to believe me!
*Evil Tara raises her head up from under the table*
Kari: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
E. Tara: Dude, Kari, what's wrong??
*Kari runs away looking for Tavis*
Tavis: Hey, Kari, do you have any taco sauce yet?
Kari: No.
Tavis: DAMMIT!
Kari: Look, dude, you have to believe me that your girlfriend is evil now. Dan used his powers and Reel Tara went poof! *starts sobbing and hugging Tavis* Dude, you got to believe me... the same thing happened with Evil Tavis and Evil Dan, remember?
Tavis: Yeah. How do we go about getting my girl back?
Kari: I don't know, I just don't know.
......To be continued when Kari has more times and another plot story since Tara is gone and she has to figure out how to do this by herself for 3 weeks......
~Kari
"On behalf of the both of us, I say one thing."
"BALLS!"
-
Tavis: Well, Kari, tell me what happened. It looks like you need to talk.
Kari: Yeah, I guess I do.
Tavis: And I'm a big soft teddy-bear who likes to get his balls eaten.
Kari: DUDE! WEAK! I'm not gonna munch your balls. Can we talk?
Tavis: Yeah, I guess...
Kari: Okay. Dan and I got in an argument about Aaron. He's all pissed and junk that Aaron wants me and I'd still eat Aaron's balls. Dan's REAL jealous, we know that.
Tavis: Yeah, we do.
Kari: So, I figure, if the same thing happened to Tara that happened to Dan, it means...
Tavis: THE TOUR BUS!
*music to "241" plays and everyone runs around like a maniac*
-Kari and Tavis run to find Matt and Carlos-
Kari: LOS! Man, Los, Dan made Tara go "poof!"
Carlos: Uh-oh.
Matt: That means she's in the tour bus! We've got to go get her!
Tavis: Yeah, but we've got to destroy Evil Tara first. How do we do that?
Matt: This sounds like a job for... JILL!!!!!!!!!
*the cool rock star Jill falls out of the sky in a purple cape over her tank top*
Jill: You called?
Carlos: Hey, Jill, Dan sent good Tara to the tour bus, we all know that thing's screwed, and we've got to destroy Evil Tara. What do we do?
Tavis: Yeah, Jill, what do we do?
Matt: What do we do, Jill?
*This is like a weird repeating scene that feels like something reelly familiar to BASEketball*
Kari: Jill, what can we do?
Jill: There's only one thing.
*Jill pulls out her ultra-cool gun thing that looks like a jazzed up super-soaker*
-Everyone runs to the McDonald's walking in on the massive Scott, Aaron, and Evil Tara orgy-
Kari: Hey, Aaron, come here.
*Aaron walks to Kari and Kari eats Aaron's balls to distract him*
Dan: Hey, Scott, come over here.
*Scott skips to Dan and Dan eats Scott's balls with mighty-Dan-eating-ball-speed*
Jill: *points her gun at Evil Tara* You're mine, bitch.
***BAM!!!!!!!!***
*Evil Tara melts and all of her evilness disappears*
Kari: *wipes off mouth* To the bus!
Dan: *wipes off mouth* Yes, to the bus!
-Everyone hops back into Tavis' radass Falcon which for some reason turns into, like, a STRETCH Falcon... Carlos sits in Matt's lap, Tavis and Jill are in the front, Kari aits on Aaron's lap, and Dan sat on Scott's. Everyone seems to be happy again.-
Scott: Hey, can we get some Subway?
Aaron: Shutup, fucker.
Kari: You tell him, sweetie.
Dan: Oh, please!
Scott: (to Dan) Shut up, sexy, I'll eat your balls later.
-Back at the tour-bus-
Kari: Hey, Los, where's Tara gonna be?
*everyone checks the bunks of the Bus frantically looking for Tara because she is awesome and Tavis really wants his balls to be eaten again. He's real horny.*
Carlos: *pulls out his Tara-detector* Dudes, she's... Oh GOD NO! She's... She's in THE TOILET!
Kari, Dan, Tavis, Scott, Aaron, Carlos: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY GOD, WHY?!?!?!?
Jill: Have no fear, I am here, and I can withstand any stench in order to save Tara so Tavis can get some suky-suky.
-Jill runs into the little built-in-bathroom and rescues Tara-
Dan: Dude, Tara, you smell like shit!
Tavis: *Gives Tara a hug* It's okay, baby, I'm just glad you're back.
Tara: You want me to eat your balls now, don't you?
*Tavis does his little Tavis nod*
Jill: Well, my work here is done! All you people stay rad and take care. *Poof!*
........Still More To Come.........
(one of those little Soap Opera sneek peaks)
Who will win over Kari? Aaron or Dan?
Will Tara still eat Tavis' balls even though she smells like shit?
Will Scott be forever-a-dork?
~Kari
"Like the way you shake it, baby."
"Oh yeah... You have no idea."
(Oh, PS, BTW...... Anyone that has said something really cool about the Balls stories have been added into the Balls Squad book that will be given to Tavis Werts. All email addresses have been credited... just to let you know.)