Tara: *gnawing on ice cubes* Dude, I don't know what my fucking problem is.
Dan: It's not only her problem, it's her fucking problem, ladies and gentlemen.
Tara: I can't stop eating ice.
Kari: You know, that stuff relieves sexual tension. *nudges Tara, nods to Tavis*
Tavis: Excuse me?
Aaron: Tavis. You and Tara need to have relations. How long has it been, dude?
Matt: *quietly* 3 weeks and 6 days.
Kari: My point exactly. Without the bondege you each lose brain cells and funny comicalness. That can also explainy the green hair on Tavis' head.
Tavis: Hey! I thought you liked green!
Kari: Well, yeah, dude... but I mean, there are some colors that you don't dye your hair, especially if you're you.
Tavis: Eh! Cock.
Dan: Watch it, Tavis.
Kari: *standing now* You want to start something, bitch?
Tavis: *stands too* Bring it on!
Tara: Kari... careful.
Carlos: Cat fight! *runs into the kitchen to grab a camera*
Kari: *shoves Tavis* Your mom!
Tavis: *points a scary pointer finger at Kari* NO! YOUR mom!
Kari: Your mom, your dad, AND your three legged DOG in the BATHROOM!
Carlos: Classic. Sweet. *snaps pictures*
Tavis: Well. Your... your... your GOLDFISH, dude... in the cemetary where your great great great great great great GRANDDADDY is buried!
Kari: *crying* How DARE you! Whore!!
Tavis: Skank.
Kari: Malignant prostitute.
Tavis: Homosexual puppy dog.
Tara: Aww, not cool, man. You're giving me bad thoughts about Fido.
Kari: Yeah... well... Tav... you're... I'm... I'M TALLER THAN YOU!
Tavis: *scratches head* Well, I guess you've got a point there, dude.
Kari: Dude?
Tavis: Dude.
Kari: Dude. *Tavis and Kari BASEketball kissy for a little while-y*
Tara: Okay, Kari. He's mine now. (To Tavis) To the bunks, bitch.
Tavis: Sweet! Frisky sex! *Tara and Tav go somewhere in the rooms of endless wonder*
Kari: *plops back down on bean-bag and curls into Dan's pectoral mus-kles* That was tiring.
Dan: So you're not in the mood now?
Kari: Oh no way, I am. I so am.
Dan: How about the waterbed this time?
Kari: Wow... You never cease to amaze me. *Kari and Dan exit*
Aaron: (To Matt) Hey. Dude, where's Scott?
Scott: *far away sounding* I'm over here, dude!
Aaron: Where?
Scott: In the dishwasher.
Aaron: What? Why?
Scott: I'm trying to find my mouthpiece.
Carlos: I'll give your mouth a piece to find.
Scott: *hits head on top of dishwasher* Woah. Oww. Uhmn. I'll... take a raincheck on that.
Matt: *pounding fists all scary-like* You'd better.
Scott: Ah! Here it is! I found it! *emerges from dishwasher*
Aaron: Yay! Rockin.
Carlos: *looks at Matt* So...
Matt: *looks at Carlos* So.
Aaron: *looks at Scott* So...
Scott: *looks at Aaron* So.

*Then, boys and girls, a period of time is lost in the Balls Squad... no one knows why... time is just lost, somewhere in the land of all that is that of Reel Big Fish*

*few hours after the whole ordealy poodle*
*The Tav-Master and Tara are playing a rousing game of checkers*
Tavis: your move....*pause*....i said it's your move duder.
Tara: i heard you
Tavis: then go!
Tara: eat shit and wait! this takes much thinking!
Tavis: then let me go fix a cheese sandwich! yeesh!
Tara: *triple jumping Tavis* ha! how do ya like THEM apples?!
Tavis: man, you're just good at EVERYTHING arent you?
Dan: *walking in* hey duders. i play winner?
Tara: then you'll play ME!
Tavis: hey i'm the only one YOU play around here!
Kari: *strolling in eating a taco* hey duders.
Tavis, Tara, Dan: hey
Kari: who's winning?
Tavis: me
Tara: you wish
Tavis: i cant help it if i suck!
Kari: *nudging Tara* none of us can!
Tara: daahahaha! good one duder!
Tavis: you and your innuendos
Scott: *walking in* wut's up duders?
Tavis: not too much Klopfer!
Tara: i'm kickin Tavis' ass!
Dan: *biting the sleeve of Kari's shirt for no appearent reason* GRRRRR
Aaron: *walking in* hey duders! can i get in the mix?
Scott: mix on!
Aaron: cool. who's winning?
Tavis: *frusterated* your mom
Tara: ew....wut if i WAS?
Tavis: *slightly convulsing* dont ever say that again
Carlos: *walking in* hey duders!
Tara and Kari: hey Loseypoodle!
Carlos: who's winning?
Tara: me
Carlos: wut do you get if you win?
Dan: *playfully hitting Carlos' arm* oh you know wut they'll get wheather they win or lose!
Tara: *smirking* you guys know us too well
Matt: *walking in* hey duders
Tavis: does anyone notice anything wierd about anything?
Tara: that i'm kickin your ass?
Dan: that i'm biting Kari's shirt?
Kari: that i'm not trying to bite back?
Carlos: that i'm actually talking on my own free will?
Matt: that i was the last to walk in?
Aaron: that i'm not talking that much? i mean i never shut up!
Scott: that.....um.......yeah?
Tavis: no...no...it's like....so......
Tara: i get wut you're saying duder......
Tavis: yeah duder
Dan: then maybe the K-Duder and i should.....
Kari: well maybe yeah......
Tara: *looks at Tavis*
Tavis: *looks at Tara*
Tavis and Tara: OH MY GOD!
the other DUDERS: wut???!?!?!!?!
Tara: i'm strangely....not....
Tavis and Tara: hungry.........
Tavis: like the wolf........
Everyone: *in awe* sweet Buddha.......

Aaron: There is only one explanation for this.
Matt: What? Tavis needs Viagra?
Scott: What? Matt's gay?
Carlos: Huh? Scott is hairy?
Aaron: NO! Well. Dudes, it's because we didn't party for Diana.
Tara: Oh... yeah... we didn't...
Kari: Shit, I almost totally forgot.
Scott: So, let me get this straight... after we party for Diana's birthday Tara and Tavis can munch at their free will?
Dan: Yeah, I think so dude.
Tara: *whining* Well, how come we're the only ones?
Dan and Kari: Because we're cooler than you.
Aaron: Yeah.
Matt: Sorry to break it to you.
Kari: Dude, I was kidding.
Dan: *biting the collar of Kari's shirt* Myeaf, me toof.
Matt: Let's party. I like to party. I can do a party.
Tavis: Yeah. Totally. I need nookiege.
Aaron: It's, like, whack, man.
Kari: What is?
Carlos: Your mom.
Kari: Totally.
Tara: So where is this rockstar? This... this... DJ Diana Astroturf?
Scott: I dunno, dude. Maybe she's in California.
Tavis: *agitated* Well, then where are we?!
Dan: Do we ever know, dude?
Aaron: *points into the black strip of highway* We go DISSA way!
Kari: *resting her head on Dan's neck* How long is it gonna take?
Dan: Long enough for us to... *nudge* you know... make use of our left over Taco Bell sauces.
Kari: Awww yeah. Saucey.
*Kari and Dan disappear*
Tavis: But... *whines* But I wanna... I wanna... Tara! I'm all... horny over here!
Tara: *focusing on the Powerpuffs on the TV* Go away dude. Go into the bathroom and fuck a sock or something.
Tavis: But I caannn't.... we have to party first!
Tara: Well. Then. What's a man like without his penis abilities?
Tavis: A woman with extra skin?
Tara: No, no... he's a cuddling partner!
Tavis: Oh, rock. I can do cuddling.
*Aaron paces the room, picking at his fingernails and nervously coming through his hair with his fingers*
Aaron: *mumbling* Gonna see Diana... gotta be... gotta be cool... gotta be Morissey. Gotta be cool.... gonna be cool... must... be... cool.
Carlos: Dude, Aaron, you're scaring me, stop.
Tavis: Yeah. Lay off, man. I'm doing cuddlege.
Matt: Are we there yet? I want to party.
Tara: Watch the Powerpuff's and QUIT YOUR BITCHIN!
Carlos: Heehee.
Scott: *approaching Aaron* Dude, why are you so nervous?
Aaron: I don't know... it's just... her birthday man... The party is like... a week late... and... I mean... I said happy birthday to her and all on her day... but.... it's like this is the party that matters... because she means a lot to me and I don't want to mess up something special for someone special.
Tavis: Okay, I'm going to throw up now. That was too damn nice to be coming out of Aaron's mouth.
Tara: Are we there yet?

Aaron: so i guess we better call her
Matt: (draggin da cig) yeah we should
Carlos: yeah
Dan: (still biting Kari's collar) mmhmm
Kari: totally
Tara: yesh
Scott: no, seriously we really should
Tavis: (getting nervous) WELL?!!?! i got some severe issues here!!
Aaron: alright! alright already!!!
Tara: you go Aaron!
Tavis: please hurry!
Kari: munch munch (wiping mouth) wut? we're calling her?
Dan: hey hey hey no stopege!
Kari: sorry......(bending down again)
Aaron: (softly in the background) are you?.....nice.....take it off.......
Tavis: (to Aaron) DUDE! quit dickin around man!
Aaron: oh right sorry! (back to Diana) hey Diana? we're havin a party for your ass. i dunno whenever we write it in. huh? wut do you mean you cant then!? shiz. well, ok some other time.
RBF, Kari, Tara: (all adlibbing) well? wut's up? wuts goin on? goo?
Aaron: she cant make it
Tavis: (panicking) what!?!? why!?!? we havent even set a date!
Aaron: i know but Diana is gonna be touring with the Aquabats untill they leave CA
Dan: (biting shirt and dabbling Kari's mouth with a lacey pink hankey) well then you know wut that means....
Kari: we're going to the Aquabats!
Tara: woohoo!
Tavis: wutever it takes duders.....wutever it takes......

heehee!!! wut wonderful fate this is Kari!!!! take it away!
* tara *

Kari: The Aquabats, huh? That's... that's... weird...
Dan: Why is that weird, dude? They kick ass!
Tavis: *twiddling thumbs* I can only agree.
Kari: I'm not... I haven't... been exposed to them... I'm all... *quietly* an Aquabats virgin.
Diana: (from the other line of the phone) She's a WHAT?!
Aaron: A 'Bats virgion.
Diana: Not cool.
Matt: Wasn't... aww fuck, nevermind.
Tavis: You should talk to my friend about the Aquabats, Kari. He'd set you up.
Kari: And who might this be?
Tara: NO! ANYONE BUT... BUT... BUTT...
Ryan: Did someone call?
Kari: Woah, dude! Who is that and why the hell is he here?
Ryan: I am Ryan, the omniscient God that knows all. I am here to devirginize Kari's knowledge of the Aquabats!
Dan: Hey! Don't touch her!
Ryan: Aww man, not like that. I'm just gonna let her listeny to some tunes and get her groove on.
Dan: *biting his lip, looking at Kari* Aww we get our groove on.
Kari: Shh, Dan. Not now.
Tara: So are we going to throw Diana a party with the Bats or what?
Aaron: *hanging up phone* We totally are.
Matt: I need a cigarette.
Tara: Your mom needs a cigarette.
Scott: So... Ryan... educate Kari. I'm gonna start a game of Twister. Who's in?

"My gum is hard."
"Your mom's hard."
"Loser."

Aaron: i'm in! let's get the twister board thingy out! who else?
Tavis: me an Tara will!!
Tara: (puzzled) um...why would i wanna play twister in a time of such crisis?
Tavis: cuz it's the closest i'm getting to hot nooky for now
Tara: of course! always thinkin babe! always thinkin!
Carlos: i'm gonna go make myself a nice hot taco since that's the stereotypical thing for me to do right now!
Matt: i'm gonna join you and have a cigarette!
(the Los and Matthew hold hands and skip to the kitchen)
Scott: i'm goin to play twister!
Dan: i'm gonna go.......go.....do...something
Kari: well Ryan it's just you and me!

i'll write more! i just gotta let my gay ass mom on right now!

From: WhyDoIRockSoHard@aol.com
Ryan: Rowwwwrrrrrrrrr... I mean.. uh.... Let's get started in your AquaTraining

Hehehehehehehe,
Johnny Vega$

From: RockWitMe2RBF@aol.com
DAAAAAHAHHAAAA! mr. "i just delete em" fucking love you duder!
* tara *

From KariFullOfGoo@aol.com
Why is Ryan allowed to comment like this? Oompah! Because he's... he's RYAN! Aww yeah. To the front, to the side, reach for the middle, kick the legs... awww yeah.

~Kari
(Needs a skanking partner)

From: RockWitMe2RBF@aol.com
skank skank skank....

From: WhyDoIRockSoHard@aol.com
The temptation was too great. I could not resist.

Johnny Vega$

From: WhyDoIRockSoHard@aol.com
skank skank skank... skank yo' booty.. skank yo' booty!

Sorry. I'll go back to my corner now.

Johnny Vega$

From: BlueIvy18@aol.com
just admit it already!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: "lara from the jackass penguins" rbf27@hotmail.com
Get out your seat and skank around
to the sound of ska on the radio
you can't dance to the beat when your in your seat
so get on your feet and lets Go

Skank until you can do it no more
get out of your seat and onto the floor
Skank around 'till your body is sore

get out of your seat and onto the floor and get to it
it isn't very hard once you learn how to it

sorry...just had to...

Ryan: well Kari let me start off by telling you to call me Vega$.
Kari: why is that, friend of friends?
Ryan: cuz i got a rep to protect and i gotta be all cool about it
Kari: well Vegas it is then
Vega$: ahem....dollar sign
Kari: right.....sorry.....Vega$
Vega$: good. now lets get started
Kari: okay
Vega$: well, i guess for pimping reasons, we should probably start out with the Aquabats latest, "The Aquabats VS the floating eye of death"
Kari: ooooh! spooky!
(music starts)
Kari: shiz, dogg i'm feelin this!
Vega$: i know....good stuff (boppin head)
Kari: shit, man! skank with me!!! this is da STUFF!
Vega$: (shrug) well alright!
(skanking commences)
Tara: (skanks really fast through the room and disappears back to Twister) woohoo!!!
Vega$: that was random.....
Kari: i gotta buy this CD!
(plug....CHA-CHING!)
Vega$: i have an Aquabat tattooed on my arse!
Kari: really?
Vega$: yeah man!
Kari: (jumping up and down and clapping) lemme see lemme see!!!!
Vega$: well.....alright but....well.....ok
(moonege)
Kari: (rolling around on floor) DAAAHAHAHAA! funniest thing i've ever seen in my LIFE!
Dan: (walking in) WOAH!!! wut the hell is this stuff??
Vega$: (struggling with zipper) DAN! daaa! it was like....tattoo....she wanted to....DAAAAAA!
Kari: it's all good duder! Vega$ was just showing me his tattoo of an Aquabat. Dan: oh well if thats all.

gotta go watch Kevin Smith on Mtv right now....take it away KARI!
* tara *

Vega$: Yeah, man. We weren't having a butt fest, I swear.
Dan: Dammit, Ryan. Why do you have to do that Vegas shit?
Vega$: Because I have to strut the skills.
Dan: Pssh. Whatever.
Kari: That's right.
Ryan: Okay... now I'm gonna go cry.
*A preppy little shadow appears momentarily and no one knows who it is until her short, short self emerges from the darkness* (teeheehee)
Meghan: That's right, Ryan, you go cry. Go cry your little eyes out.
Ryan: Boohoohoo...
*Meghan disappears!*
Kari: Yeah... anyway...
Dan: Preppy people are scary.
Kari: They totally are.
Ryan: So. I guess my Aqua educating is done now. Should I leave?
Kari: *singing now* Should I stay or should I go...
Dan: Come on and let me knoooww...
Kari: I dunno, dude. You can just like blend into the background until we summon you further.
Ryan: Okay, girl.
Kari: Thanks for the edumacation.
Dan: So... now... now that you're educated we should be able to go find Diana on tour with the Aquabats and throw the party and then Tavis and Tara can nooky away.
Kari: They so can.
*Dan and Kari hold hands and walky into the room where the Twisterege is taking place*
Tara: God damn, Matt! I said RIGHT FOOT YELLOW! Not left foot. You're out! Cock.
Matt: Bitch.
Kari: *doing her little hand thing* Word to your Mother, she's a Whore.
Aaron: Hey, you guys. I think we should be there soon. Can we go primp now?
Tavis: Primp? What the freakin...?
Tara: Yeah, it's a girly term. Like go get ready and stuff.
Scott: We totally can.
Carlos: Has anyone seen my Westside drum sticks?
Aaron: No, dude.
*Aaron, Scott, and Matt go off into the rooms to go primp*
Kari: I must takey a shower.
Dan: Well, then, I shall as well.
Kari: Rock! And I'm going to dye your hair pink today. Okay?
Dan: Of course, babe. *Dan and Kari disappear to the showers*
Tavis: *staring at Tara* Dude, I can't take it any longer.
Tara: Well, we so cannot nooky until we party for Diana.
Tavis: That is so fucking stupid.
Carlos: Your mom is stupid. *Looking for drumsticks*
Tavis: I mean, dude... there's this horrible sensation in my pants that I can't relieve.
Tara: We're almost there, guy. Don't worry about it. As soon as we party, we will nooky and rid your pants of that horrible sensation.
Tavis: Ehh... fine.
Tara: But we should go primp.
Tavis: We so should. *Tara and Tavis go into dressing rooms to find appropriate partying clothes*
Carlos: Fucking shit, man. I can't find my drum sticks.
*Carlos walks around the room until he comes up to a Hawaiian print thong, to see his Westside drum sticks partially hidden underneath them*
Carlos: Aww... not cool. *Picks up sticks after a moment of thinking, and proceeds to the primping places*

~Kari
(who is really wanting someone right about now)

*in Tavis and Tara's huge walk in closet*
Tavis: hmm.....
Tara: i'm sick of these clothes
Tavis: yeah....all my pants shrunk in the wash i think....
Tara: um, i dont think the wash shrunk em....
Tavis: you're probably right...just a quick munchy munchy?
Tara: well....i could try......i mean....i..dunno...
Tavis: well just try! see wut goes!
Tara: *hesitating* um......ok.....
*munchege*
Tavis: well?!?
Tara: bland.......ew.......that was sick
Tavis: i dont feel.....anything
Tara: OI GOD!
Tavis: when will it end!?!?
Tara: i dunno dude. but we better get ready for the shindig
Tavis: but we havent anything to wear!
Tara: hmm....i wanna look flashy
Tavis: make an impression....
Tara: something....shiney......
Tavis: showoffy......
*both look at each other and realize what must be done*
Tavis & Tara: to aaron's wardrobe!!!!
*in Aaron's wardrobe*
Tara: wowie!!! *enthralled by shiny glam rock clothing*
Tavis: SPANDEX! now tight pants arent an issue!
Tara: oi god.....i gotta take a moment.....
*dan and kari fall out of an open hat box*
Kari: *wiping mouth* woah...hey you guys! didnt see ya in neaw!
Dan: heh....heh....sup Tavis....
Tavis: fucking horny showoff bastard
Dan: sorry....you know how it is
Kari: some pretty cool shiz in here?
Tara: hell yeah duder! check out this purple sequence thong!
Kari: and these sexy leather pants!
Tara: hmm.......i wonder where Aaron is anyway?
Dan: he'd kill us if he found us in here
Kari: judging by this skin tight british flag tank top....he's with Scott
Tavis: i feel so left out

vaVOOM
* tara *