*tara*
"dude! tavis! put down the knife!"
Haaaaaahhhhaaaaaaa.... "What the hell is this thing with balls?! Not you, too, man.*Tavis sighs and shoves his hands in his pockets* God dammit, it must be a conspiracy or something."
"Hey, all I said was to smile and say 'Balls'." :)
~Kari
And I'm nauseous... puke, puke, puke
In other news today the ska/pop band reel big fish had to cut short a preformance due to some problems with one of their horn players. Tavis Werts, trumpet player for RBF was in the middle of a song when he suddenly fell to the ground in a ceisure. The horn player says, "it's them...those two chicks...they're here. i know they ARE!!! they're coming to get me!!! please!!! make them stop! no more BALLS!!!" Tavis is still recovering in Hell's Pass Hospital but should be well enough to play the rest of their tour with Blondie. "yeah he'll be fine," says fellow trumpet player scott klopfenstein, "he just keeps saying something about balls. we're gonna get an on the road therapist." More to come as soon as any news breaks.
your faithful correspondant,
Tara
-
members.truepath.com/Harmony/HEADDRE.GIF BUT! i love it. happy trails and headdresses and jewish trumpet players. dorks. need i say more?
*tara*
"quick! get the heart paddle thingys for tavis! STAT!"
In a press conference this situation was brought up. Aaron Barrett clenched his fists and said, "Man, this ball abuse has got to stop. If they don't quit getting into Tavis' soft spots, I'll stomp on them with my shoes. They're poison afterall." Matt Wong added, "Yeah, and I'll send out my spooky dragon tattoo to curse them in their sleep." Dan Regan, the strange trombonist said only this: "I was looking forward to hot nooky with the second girl." "Hot nooky?!" Scott said, interested, "I've had that a few times." I couldn't help but cackle.
Also, in a private visit at the hospital (I snuk my camera in) Tavis said, "I... I... I just want them to leave my balls alone. Hey... WAIT!! You're ONE OF THEM, AREN'T YOU?!" Then Tavis flat-lined for a second, and went back to normal.
Dum dum daaaa....
~Kari
(this is just my sick scenario of it.)
This just in! The alleged "Team Balls" (two girls who abuse tavis about his balls) has struck again! This, time in the hospital in which the frightened trumpet player was held. When we found Tavis he was in a state of shock in nothing but a hospital gown sitting with his bare ass on the floor hugging himself and rocking back and forth. He was pale as a ghost and refused to make contact with anyone. The left lens of his glasses were cracked too. We cought up with two bystanders outside of Tavis room. They're names were "Tata," and "Koki" when asked about what happned they just busted out into uncontrollable laughter and walked away. Strange people. Tavis is now in critical condition and might have to skip the Blondie tour. When we asked Aaron Barrett what he thought of the whole ruckus he said, "Whoever is doing this better stop! I challenge them to a battle to the death! Be there or the kids won't like you!" More to come........
your faithful bullshite correspondant,
Tata i mean Tara
Hehehehehe... I can't beat that. Maybe I'll try later.
~Kari
"God damn you ball obsessors!"
"Feel the wrath of my pants!!!!"
"o we'll have your balls tavis. we'll have em good."
"no! no! please! what do you want from me??"
"YOUR BALLS! on our TABLE!"
"o please! anything but my balls!"
"don't struggle. it'll only hurt more!"
"NO! get away from my balls!"
"your balls are MINE!"
.to be continued...........
MyTMouseR@aol.com writes:
(About Kari) i don't know you...
hahahaha
dude, when we're there youre just going to embarass the crap out of me arent you?? oh well..as long as you GET THERE!!! grgrgr. and furthermore..gr.
"one day im gonna show all you little people"-mark(with a k..lol)
mighty mouse
Oh you have no idea just WHAT I have in store for us... :) Hehehehe... I am quite determined and yes I'm going to embarrass the holy hell out of you... but you insist on meeting me... so I guess it just comes with the territory. :) Mwahahaha... I think I will be getting there... my friend still hasn't asked her ride, but she says possibilities are QUITE good. :)
Sa-weet!
Slackin' off,
~Kari
"She said she saw my balls on a website."
"Oh, yeah, the Eat Balls! Page. Everyone's seen that. Your balls have gone global. Be proud, Tavis, be proud."
AGGHHHH! KARI! in the south park movie when T&P are done singing they go: "suck my balls!!!" i was fucking rolling! i love america!!!
*tara*
"all i wanted was to befriend your balls tavis. don't you understand?!? I need to feel loved!"
"i'm sorry tata. but me and my balls are two different things. we're so very different."
"i know tavis...i know"
"but we have one thing in common"
"what's that, tavis?"
"we love you"
"oh tavis....hold me"
*cue soap opera music*
Hehehehe... Dammit!
When I was leaving the hospital and I had lost Tata
-------------------------
Aaron breaks into the scene -- "Hey! You! Kari-girl, or whatever!"
I spin around to hear Aaron's baby-doll voice -- "Ayup. Whatchoo want, Scooby Doo?"
Aaron looks to his feet and messes with his shoes -- "I want you to want my balls."
I compassionately say -- "Dude, that's just weak, dude. I can't want your balls. I want Dan's."
Dan jumps out of a bush -- "Really?"
I run toward him, hug him and say -- "Reelly (pun INtended). Since Tata's got Tavis' balls, I figured your's would be next best, since you're Evil Tavis and all."
Aaron throws his fists in the air -- "Dammit man! I always get screwed over! And I thought the chick's digged my shoes. I thought I was radass... I... I don't know what to think any more. *Aaron cries little Aaron tears and I form a buncha pity on him*."
Matt consoles Aaron in a big bear hug... those spooky dragons do wonder to the emotionally deflicted.
.To be continued...
Tata and Tavis walk out of the hospital arms around eachother.
From: Fresh Sqeezed Lime guitar_junky@hotmail.com
this didn't really happen did it?
-Lime-
From: Azure Reznor areznor@usa.net
ROFL!! You two are good.. I've been laughing my ass off through this whole thread....
well at least someone appreciates us!
From: Mariana mariana@express-news.net
Oh my goodness. I don't know about the Aaron and Scott thing. I guess it's kind of cool because you put my two favorite's together. The stories are very interesting. Thank you Tara and Kari for the entertaining stories. Just be gentle on Aaron and Scott, I love them.
ROCK the fuck on, man! You rule.
~Kari
"And blah, blah, blah, balls, blah, blah."
-----------
~Kari
"Dude, Fred Durst, shut the fuck up. It all sounds the same."
yeah! it's like the future of balls everywhere....*sniff*
Ahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa......... ohhhhhh man that's the funniest thing........................
he's a sick puppy once he capture's your heart.....sigh
From: *megyn cawley* wowie_zowie666@hotmail.com
i didn't read these till this morning, and they're hilarious! someone should print them out and give them to the fish, along with a picture of you, tara..so they know who wrote it! : ) well..something like
that : )
*megyn*
The sick relays back and forth are done by Tara and I, yes. But I think I'm giving it to them....
for i could never face taivs and give it to him...i would go into a giggle spaz and then i would never stop
I figure that I have already scared him enough that handing him a 12 page booklet will be nothing... er... I think I'm gonna give it to Tavis, yeah... cuz I know he'd read it. And then he's gonna quote stuff out to the crew. An' hopefully Dan.
meanwhile: back in the magic tour bus.......tara and tavis chill in the bunks
Kari: Dude, Tara, it looks like it's time for some topical cream. Go lather that on the stranger's balls and Dan and I *wipes off mouth again after munching balls in mid-sentence*... excuse me. Dan and I will go find Tavis. He's probably at Subway.
(Oh, yeah, all you RBFishes, I uploaded my copy of Nothin' Like a Dame, so if
you want it, let me know.)
~Kari
"Dude, that's not kosher."
From: *Kahvi: First and Only Member of The One and Only Bilbo Fan Club Kahvi@prodigy.net
Oh dude, that...was...fucking...BEAUTIFUL! I can't believe it! I was falling out of my chair! Dude, I'm crying, it was so funny! Thank you so much! I needed that! Man, I love you! I haven't laughed that hard in while!
-Laura, crying!
we're changing lives, kari
Dudes. I wanna go on tour now. I want to mumble on with Tara in a coffee shop or something. I am SO giving that fucking story (and the episodes of Tara's fiction story) to the men. And if I don't see them after Blondie, I'll throw it at Tavis. Beware of the mighty papercuts... mwahahaha.
~Kari
"A ball, a ball, a ball, let's have a ball."
Y'all should put up a website and post this shit..
ONE STEP AHEAD OF YA!!! ther is nothing like a mother fucking dame!!!!
"wut's all the ruckus?"
Aaron is crying on Matt's shoulder. "i'm tired of this! why? oh god why?!?"
Matt: "it's ok Aaron...let's get you home."
Aaron: "NO!" points to Dan and Kari-"I want your ball eater to be my ball eater too!"
Dan: "Don't be so selfish!"
Aaron: "FINE! then there's only one way!" -pulls out a gun-
Tavis: "AARON! What are you doing??"
Aaron: "It's all over! I will never have my balls eaten! Everyone is afraid of me!"
Dan: "Aaron get ahold of yourself man! "HERE! You want her to eat your balls then here!" -pushes Kari-
Kari: woah dude!
Tara: dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.
Tavis: mm hmm
Aaron: NO! I don't want her anymore! It's done with! -points gun at head- Goodbye cruel world! -SUDDENLY! Scott falls from the sky and drops to his knees in front of Aaron!-
Scott: munch munch munch
Dan: Sick dude!
Aaron: wow hey!
Scott: (standing up wiping his mouth with a hankie) I was here the whole time. But you neglected me, Aaron! You were so obsessed with your jealousy of Dan and Tavis, you forgot about the important things! Us. I love you, Aaron. And I have something for you.
Tara: dude, Tavis, did you slip something in your balls? cuz i'm totally seeing things right?
-Tavis shakes his head no-
-Scott pulls out ring-
Everyone gasps
Aaron: (gives a little squeak)
-Everyone claps as the 2 guys hug-
Kari: (asking Dan) You wanna get Taco Bell?
Dan: Yeah let's get Taco Bell.
*tara*
"ok, enough with the balls...you're making methink of babboons or something"
I hope everyone has a good weekend! Have fun! I'll be out of town. So I went to Digest mode.
-Mariana
*Tavis gets his little paranoia look on his face*
"Dude, I have SO heard that before."~Tavis
"Oh... yeah. Ohkay. Balls."
"Just... stop it, man! Just stop!"~Tavis
*mwahahahahahaha*
-
Okay, I have a feeling that some people might be getting sick of us. Tara and I are going to insanely cackle our little things under THIS thread from now on (or, for, like a week, yo).
*At the Taco Bell*
Kari looks at Dan --- Hey, Dan, do you think that I hurt Aaron?
Dan munches on his chicken soft taco --- *munch munch munch* Yeah, babe, probably.
Kari munches on her nachos --- Yo, dude. That's weak. Should I munch his balls for a night now or just let him and Scott be gay dorks together?
*evil Dan laugh* --- They were gay dorks to begin with.
--- Oh. That's why Scott got the song?
Dan munches some more --- *munch munch munch* Yeah. That's why Scott got the song. It was gonna be for Tavis, but, I mean *Dan starts singing* Tavis' a do-hoo-ooo-woo-hoo-ork... *normal voice* Doesn't really work, babe.
*Kari wipes the taco sauce from her lip* -- All right, babe, let's bust outta here.
*Dan picks up their tray* --- Should I steal a bunch of Taco Sauce for tonight?
*Kari sips her Dr. Pepper* --- Yeah, rock the hell on, it'll give them some flava this time.
*walking out the door* ---- Sweet.
"Yeah, but, you bought both of the CD's, chickie."
*tara*
"dammit tavis! I don't care how famous you are! I'm not eating balls on stage you fucking pervert!"
tavis: whaddaya say?
tara: damn tavis...i just ate your balls a few minutes ago!
tavis: well yeah but you gotta eat em again
tara: well...ok...geez you're pushy
-tara pulls back covers-
GASP!
tara: TAVIS! wut the hell are these red dots all about????
tavis: o those...um...they're nothing...take no notice of them
tara: oh tavis....please god no....you have herpes don't you?
tavis: NO!!!!
tara: then wut the hell do you call those red dots!?!?
tavis: um.....decoration?
tara: why! you're not tavis at all are you??? tavis' baby soft skin would NEVER get herpes!!! GASP! you're the anti-tavis!!!! you bastard! i won't put my mouth on those balls another minute!
-tara runs out of the scene-
tara: kari! dan! anybody! help! we've got the anti-tavis in here!
kari: (wiping her mouth off) what?
tara: i was about to eat balls and that guy isn't tavis! er um...i...i..well he...BALLS DAMMIT!
dan: oh, no what do we do now??
Tara: Okay, but be careful. I think there's something spooky going on. *Spooky music plays* Something not just evil, but EEE-VIL.
*Tara walks into the Magic Tour Bus to go massage topical cream on "Tavis"'s balls.*
*Kari and Dan arrive at Subway*
-Aaron and Scott are sitting together at a booth-
*Scott wipes off mouth*: Hey dudes. How are yawl?
Kari: Hey, Aaron, have you seen Tavis? Like, the REEL Tavis?
*Aaron fumbles with his shoes*: I think he got beat up or something.
Dan: What?? And you didn't help get in with the smackdown?
Scott: No way, man, we were munchin'.
*Kari slaps her forehead*: Fuck you guys, man.
Aaron and Scott: Really?
Kari: Uhh... maybe... later.
Aaron: I think Tavis went with Matt to go visit Andrew.
Dan: Then who the hell's balls was Tara eating?!?!?!?!?!
*suspense music*
-Kari and Dan drive over to Andew's with the couple Aaron and Scott. They made out in the car the whole time... it was gross. Cute, but gross.-
Kari: Dude! I see Tavis' Falcon! Score! He's here!
*everyone knocks on the door*
*Andrew answers*
Dan: Hey homie. Have you seen Tavis and Matt?
Andrew: Yeah, yeah. Tavis is downstairs but I don't know where Matt is...
"Can I have yours?"
dude you rock! god knows wheather or not andrew gave them to them! he's been putting me on ignore! he won't tell me if my money got there yet!! RRRRR!
*tara*
"ok andrew your balls next"
-
-Kari the RBF and Andrew head downstairs-
Dan: Tavis!
-Tavis is watching cartoons with Andrew's son Christopher-
Tavis: hey guys! wheres Tara? I'm having fun watching cartoons with chris here but everyone knows theres nothing like a dame.
Kari: Tavis! Tara is at the bus! Theres some kind of Anti-Tavis up in there!
Tavis: so.....what does that mean?
Kari: it means if we don't get back soon, Tara's gonna have mouth herpes!
Dan: We shouldn't have left them alone! God knows what he'll do to her!
-CUTS AWAY TO TARA AND ANTI-TAVIS IN BUS-
-Tara is holding up a chair to the Anti-Tavis-
Tara: get away from me you fucker! No way I'm getting mouth herpes!!!!
-CUTS AWAY TO DANS CAR-
-the RBF and Kari are driving to the bus-
Dan: hey Scott and Aaron....cut it out! come on!
Aaron: You do your thing and we'll do ours!
-dan rolls his eyes-
-they arrive at bus-
-tara is in a headlock by the Anti-Tavis-
Tavis: oh no you don't! she's MY bitch!
Tara: I thought you were MY bitch
Anti-Tavis: you're too late! my balls are gonna be HERS in a minute!
Dan: Woah, dude
Tavis: you drop her right now or i'll...i'll...
-tavis pix up topical cream-
Tavis: I'll spray you DOWN!!!!!!!
Anti-Tavis: You wouldn't!!!!
-holds up bottle-
Tavis: TRY ME!
Tara: my hero
Anti-Tavis: dammit (let's go of tara)
-Tara runs to the safetly of Tavis' arms-
-they embrace-
Tara: i'm getting hungry like the wolf
Tavis: you stand over in the corner...i'll deal with you later
-Tara, giggling insanely runs to safety of the RBF and Kari-
Kari: dude! you almost got mouth herpes!
Tara: i know dude.....(shivers)
Tavis: AS FOR YOU! Anti-Tavis!
Anti-Tavis: aw crap
-suddenly, tavis' sprays the topical cream all over the Anti-Tavis and he dies-
-everyone claps cept for Scott and Aaron who are nowhere to be found, of course-
-Tara runs to Tavis-
-face suckege for a few good minutes-
-Kari and Dan and Carlos (wow he's here too!) check their watches-
-face suckege stops-
Dan: well, wut's next?
Kari: i dunno but i'd like to make use of that Taco Bell sauce
Dan: I get ya!!!!
Kari: (rolling her eyes) doh
-they leave for the bunks-
Tara: hi Carlos
Carlos: hi Tara
Tara: hell-o Tavis
Tavis: tee hee hee
-they leave for bunks-
-sunddenly, a flash of light and Carlos is gone!-
-what happens now?-
From: Azure Reznor areznor@usa.net
*tara*
"i'm happy"