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Coaches And Their Kids The most difficult thing a coach has to do is see the 12 players on the field who are not related to him. We tend to be very tough on our own kids without giving them the consideration we give the other players. If you can do it, try to be a coach on the field and a parent off the field, and get your fellow coaches to do the same. Impartiality (and avoiding excessive impartiality) is essential to success. A coach can tell a lot about the kind of player he's getting by looking at the parents of the player. It has been my contention that I started with the makings of a good team because my players' parents were good. This proposition proved true during my three regular seasons and it was true during the two all star seasons I coached. Good parents make it possible for a coach to do a good job with his players. WORKING WITH PARENTS A coach can tell a lot about the kind of player he's getting by looking at the parents of the player. It has been my contention that I started with the makings of a good team because my players' parents were good. This proposition proved true during my three regular seasons and it was true during the two all star seasons I coached. Good parents make it possible for a coach to do a good job with his players. What Should Parents Expect Of Their Coaches? Parents can complicate or simplify a coach's job. They tend to know exactly what they want their kid to get out of his ball playing experience and this can translate into hostility toward the coach if those goals are not met or into great esteem if they are. Some see their kid as a fledgling big leaguer that needs only time to make the big time, provided he gets good coaching. Others just want their kids to have fun. They see Tee Ball as a game where a bunch of cute little kids dressed up as ballplayers hit the ball, chase the ball, and run the bases. This is quite a range of expectations for a coach to try to satisfy - and he can't do it. Before we get too far into the details of the game, let's talk about the need for coaches to set goals and communicate them to the parents. As my first season got underway, I held a parents' meeting during which I described my philosophy, the practice routine, and so on. Having understood the conditions under which I became the manager, I didn't want to pick up where the previous manager left off. I told them that I intended to practice for about an hour or an hour-and-a-half twice a week, three times if they really wanted to. I told them that we would be budget-conscious when it came to uniforms, and that our goal was to make a team and have fun. I didn't see it right away, but I had a friend who sat on the board of directors at the park who incredulously asked me if it was true that these were my plans. I said yes, and he gave me a quick lesson on the realities of coaching at that park. It seems that a couple of parents were disappointed that their kids weren't going to get more out of this season as indicated by my plans for practice and the uniforms. In reality, I just didn't want to alienate the parents and would have loved to approach the season more aggressively. Well, I had another parents' meeting and the long and the short of it was that we practiced four times a week, bought nice uniforms, and the parents were satisfied with the approach. My approach toward the players remained the same; it was the involvement and the investment that changed. (Of course, we still lost fourteen of our nineteen games that season!) As Park President, I always encouraged parents in the strongest possible terms to do everything they could to be the kind of ball parent that would make their children easy to coach. I told them that once you determine that their coaches have the "qualities" they can accept, remembering that no one is perfect and that hindsight is, as they say, "20-20," they needed to give their coaches the room they needed to do a good job. Do The Coaches Need Parents' Help? Coaches need the assistance of their players' parents. I found that parents are normally willing to help out if they aren't too busy and they tend to learn that the more they participate in the operation of the team, the more they also stay in touch with the challenges coaches encounter as they try to build their team. Parents As Fans There can be three hundred people in the stands and three coaches shouting during a game, but the one voice a player hears is his own mother's. This isn't a problem until the coach tells the player to stop and she yells for him to go. The only thing a coach can do about this is telling the parents how tough it is to communicate with the players when there are conflicting instructions on the field. Learning to be a good fan is tough too, but it's also very important. Once I got my confidence as a manager, I saw the need to make sure I got control not only of the happenings on the field, but also activities in the bleachers. As difficult as it is for a coach to treat his kid as just another player, it's even more difficult (and rarer) to see a parent in the stands who is just a good fan. Most parents see only one kid. They see every mistake he makes, they hear what the coach tells him, they see their child sitting on the bench, and they see (or think they see) their coaches cause him to make outs. Coaches need to communicate with their players' parents and let them know that it's important for them to be good fans and supportive of the whole team. Also, coaches need to show parents that as the coaching staff places demands on the children, they will be fair to them - it's not necessary for parents to glare at their kids, or to communicate disapproval through the field fencing. A well-coached player will be aware of his mistakes without looking into the bleachers for confirmation of them from his parents. One of the best ways for coaches to show parents that they will do the right thing with players is to do the right thing with their own children. I sat in the bleachers to watch a Tee Ball game one season and listened to a parent tell her friend (who was apparently new to Tee Ball) that "the refs are okay, but the coaches don't understand that these kids are only 7 years old and can't always make the plays they want them to make." I have to confess right away that her credibility was suspect because she called the umpires "refs," but I took a wait-and-see attitude nonetheless. I saw nothing odd from the coaches, but a little while later I did have the opportunity to watch that lady's son make a fielding error in left field. How did I know it was her son? I could tell because as soon as the ball got past him, she came unglued and stayed that way for several minutes. I was alarmed at how she badgered and belittled her son without shame. I've seen good coaches and bad, but I can say that I've never seen one get on and stay on a player like she did with her son. The fact is that 7-year-old players can make good plays, but they will not do it consistently or when the heat is on when they have the type of fan support like that young man had. The End
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