OFFICIAL DEFINITION: Ideas contrary to God's revealed truth, conceived by Satan the deceiver and accepted by those who reject God

REAL DEFINITION: Any idea that is contrary to the teachings of one's own church. Especially suspect if arrived at through rational means.
(Kevin Hedges)

2. "YOU WERE NEVER REALLY SAVED IN THE FIRST PLACE" (Responding to ex-Christians)

I can't allow myself to believe that you were ever a born again Christian. If you left Christianity, it follows that I am capable of leaving too. It would destroy the very foundation of my beliefs.

3. "SATAN HAS DECEIVED YOU"

A. If you still don't believe after my crystal clear explanation of salvation then I'll have to blame a third party for your lack of perception.

B. Thank God the Israelites propogated belief in Satan. What a great catch-all statement for things I can otherwise rebut or defend.

4. "SALVATION IS OBVIOUSLY A VERY SORE SUBJECT FOR YOU - YOU ARE SO FULL OF HATE AND CONTEMPT"

Your arguments against born again fundamentalism make sense. I'll have to change the focus of our discussion.

5. "SOMEONE IN THE CHURCH MUST HAVE CAUSED YOU A GREAT DEAL OF HURT FOR YOU TO FEEL THIS WAY"

You couldn't have possibly left Christianity just because you studied the Bible and you think you found inconsistencies and errors in it.

6. "I KNOW THE BIBLE SAYS GOD KILLED MEN, WOMEN, CHILDREN AND UNBORN FETUSES. HE IS THE CREATOR OF ALL. HE CAN DO ANYTHING HE WANTS"

(a) I really get stuck when ex-fundies tell me about Biblegod's atrocities. I'll just give Him complete, unlimited power to do anything He wants to do. Its sort of like building sand castles on the beach. You get to destroy them because you created them.

(b) How else can I justify God killing kids and fetuses?

7. "GOD GAVE ME A SPECIAL BURDEN FOR [insert inferior group/non-Christian person or group here]"

If these poor, stupid, uninspired, ungodly, bible rejecting, misled idiots could only discover the real truth as I have. (Jonathan E)

8. "YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE THINGS OF THE LORD IF HIS SPIRIT DOESN'T DWELL WITHIN YOU"

(a) I'm special. I'm saved. I understand spiritual things now because I have become spiritual. You don't understand. You're not saved! You're not spiritual like me.

You can understand spiritual things too once you ask Christ to come into you heart (...and spend a couple of years allowing me and the other brethren to condition your mind daily to think the same way we do).

9. "BE NOT UNEQUALLY YOKED"

It is not good to be exposed to people whose opinions or knowledge opposes my beliefs. It may cause me to start thinking rather than rely wholly on the Bible and/or my pastor.

10. 'GOD SAID IT. I BELIEVE IT. THAT SETTLES IT!

My pastor says its God's word and I'm attributing my mindset to the mind of God. I can't dispute it. After all, I'm basing my entire life's philosophy on my perception of what God is saying. My unbending committment and refusal to discuss it with infidels also gains approval from my Christian friends.

11. PRAISE THE LORD!

Used when something good happens by attributing it to the Lord, like getting a new car or getting out of the hospital. It is never used, though, if someone dies or a plane crashes and all the passengers are killed. This is only used when the Lord does good stuff.

12. GOD HAS A SPECIAL PLAN FOR THEM.

Used to rationalize why a minivan full of pre-schoolers was smashed to smithereens by a drunk driver who walked away with only scratches. This is an alternative to "Praise the Lord" when tragedies occur.   (Thanks Fran H)

13. SCRIPTURE CAN ONLY BE UNDERSTOOD BY THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN BORN AGAIN OF THE SPIRIT OF GOD.

Used by the Christian who is at a loss to explain a particular scripture quoted by an unbeliever.

The irony of this statement is apparently lost on them, since in order to be born again, one must first have some understanding of Jesus as depicted in the scriptures. (Thanks Robert B.)

ALSO

The above concept is taken from the following scripture and is used extensively by born again Christians to prove that an "unbeliever" cannot understand the bible:

"But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned (1 Co. 2:14)."

This is doublespeak (and doublethink) for: "My ideas are superior to yours because mine come from God, and yours don't; so even if my ideas seem irrational or are non sequiturs, they are better than yours."**

**Thanks to John D

14. WE WORSHIP A GREAT BIG GOD WHO CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS. SO WATCH OUR OR HE MIGHT JUST GET TIRED OF YOU, TOO! FEAR HIM, BECAUSE HE CAN DESTROY BOTH THE BODY AND THE SOUL IN HELL!

OK! Enough of the "Love Of Jesus" stuff. Your constant rejection of my testimony and beliefs is beginning to piss me off. I hope you take my threat seriously because I'm at a loss to know what else to say. If I were God, I would kill you right now.

15. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU.

I can't imagine that you have ever prayed you unregenerate twit. And even if you do pray, you are not a born again Christian so you probably don't pray very well. I am saved and I can pray much better than you. God will probably answer my prayers before he answers yours.

accept the Lord—to convert or assimilate (in the case of children raised in Christian environment) to Christianity

ask Jesus into your heart—see accept the Lord

Bible-believing—implies acceptance of a literal, divinely inspired Old and New Testament

bless the food—a request made to god before a meal, presumably to endow the food with supernatural benefits

Jesus—as god incarnate—sacrificed himself as a way of redeeming sinful humanity

born again—refers to the spiritual rebirth one professes after converting to Christianity

bountiful—archaic description of god’s generosity, often used in public prayer

burden—a specific responsibility a Christian believes to be his or hers to be a good example for a particular wayward individual or group

child of God—varies in meaning, depending on context. Often in reference to Christians alone; sometimes in reference to all people.

come into my heart—phrase of prayer expressed by a convert (one who is often presumed to be immoral and completely ignorant of Christian teaching)

covered by the blood—a description Christians use to express how Jesus’ crucifixion and their belief that he is god have led to their eternal salvation

crusade—a massive, serial program designed to draw thousands of people per event for the purpose of converting them to Christianity (historically referred to the Christian conquests in the Middle East)

decision—the choice of Christianity as a new belief system (when one decides against Christianity, it is often not referred to as a choice, but as a temporary hesitation caused by Satanic deceit)

everlasting—infinite (usually used in the context of heaven and hell)

faith—the acceptance of a belief system without empirical evidence or validation from its ultimate origin; in the case of Christianity, faith in god, and in Jesus as god.

fear of the Lord—acknowledgment of god as a moral being who will vindicate lapses in adherence to that morality

feeding on the Word—a figurative expression for reading the Bible; equates the Bible with supernatural nourishment that is essential to the spiritual survival of the Christian

fellowship—social contact among Christians in the context of church functions

gone to be with the Lord—a euphemism for death; refers only to Christians, who often believe they are the only people who go to heaven when they die (all others go to hell for not being Christian)

growing in the Lord—successfully assimilating to Christianity

head of the home—refers to the husband and father exclusively; Biblical literalists assert that women are subserviant to men in every role of their lives

house of God—any Christian place of worship

led by the Spirit—describes how one attributes ones actions or behaviors to a sense that they are being directed by god to carry out those actions

journeying mercies—the belief that god spares Christians from car accidents, train wrecks, plane crashes, or other disasters when they travel

Lord, we thank you now for . . . - when praying, as in, "Lord, we just thank you now for ..." —used to emphasize a particular prayer phrase; implies that the sentiment is felt simply and completely

know the Lord - as in "Do you know the Lord?" —reference often used as an entry point to set up a Christian testimony that expresses the notion of interacting individually with god

lift Jesus up—common way of describing worship in Born Again circles

living in sin—refers to non-Christians or Christians who do not follow the set of morals believed to be derived from a literal interpretation of the Bible

look to God in prayer—a prefix attached to prayer that connotes the perceived relationship with god (see “know the Lord”)

lost in sin—describes non-Christians and Christians who are unable to see what is perceived as spiritual truth because of a consuming, Satanic desire to live immorally or justify sin as moral behavior

mighty—a warlike reference to divine power

perfect peace—describes the perceived, unique contentment of being convinced that one’s beliefs are correct; implies that, because others’ beliefs are incorrect, they are not truly at peace, or their peace is imperfect

Praise the Lord!—exclamation invoked in rewarding moments that expresses gratitude to god as the source of the moment (example: “Praise the Lord, Susie has asked Christ into her heart. God has led her to the truth!”)

pray to receive Christ—the act of a non-Christian who has been convinced to convert to Christianity, and is guided to pray to Jesus to live inside them

profession of faith—statement of belief, usually public, that asserts that Jesus is god and that such belief is the only way to achieve life after death (often associated with testimony given at the time of baptism)

put it in the Lord's hands—to forfeit concerns or problems by telling god to address them appropriately; removes dread for possible outcomes from the forfeiting individual, because if god controls the situation, any outcome is presumed to be his will, regardless of its favorable nature (example: “I didn’t want Uncle Joe to die from cancer, so I put it in the Lord’s hands. Since Uncle Joe died, his death means that god wanted him to go to heaven.”) (see also “gone to be with the Lord”)

repent—to turn around; to change one's mind or purpose; to turn from self to God (Thanks to Brenda for the correction)

share—to relate personal religious experience with the intent of inspiring other Christians or to relate story of Jesus as the savior of the world to convince non-Christians to convert to Christianity

soul-winning—successfully encouraging non-Christians to convert to Christianity

spiritual food—refers to elements of religious experience such as worship and Bible reading that are viewed as nourishment for one’s soul and reinforcement of one’s belief system

spiritual fruit—the outward expressions and behaviors that are believed to be evidence of a productive relationship to god

submit—for men, to defer power to church leadership as god’s authority on earth for morality; for women, to defer power to men, who are believed to hold divinely authored power to make decisions for and determine the lives of women

testimony—a personal religious experience, usually expressed to non-Christians for the purpose of convincing them to convert to Christianity; or expressed to fellow Christians for the purpose of affirming their belief system by demonstrating its impact on one’s own life

the throne of grace—the figurative description of god’s place as humanity’s ultimate authority and judge; reflects monarchical societies in which the ruler held a seat of distinction and power

under conviction—the alleged inner sense a non-Christian gains that it is imperative to convert to Christianity, either by god or by exposure to testimony heard at events such as crusades (see definitions of testimony and crusades)

unsaved—describes spiritual destiny of all non-Christians

walking with the Lord—describes one who believes Jesus (the Lord) is god, and guides the Christian’s moral life

winning the lost—see soul winning

witness—used as a verb to describe act of giving testimony (see definition of testimony)

the world—describes all civilizations, nations, societies and religious and secular organizations outside of Christianity Word of God—alternative term for the Bible

Yield—see definition of submit


This page was inspired by Psycho Dave's CHRISTIAN CLICHES. It contains other born again Christian's established and predictable comments.

Have a cliche you'd like to see here, or a comment? Drop a line!

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May 11, 2000

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