The following events are slated for this semester:
Stalker Game
September 5 - September 12
It's basically like "Assassin," only instead of trying to kill your target you just have to follow them, watch them in the shower, paw through their garbage, and intercept their mail. Last one to get a restraining order against him or herself wins.
Concert: Iron Sausage
September 22
The death metal band that brought us such hits as "GHHHHAAAKKKKK!!" and "WRRROWWRRRGGHHH" is back, promoting their latest album: Sounds Like You're Choking On A Brillo Pad. A Satanic Brillo pad.
Debate: "Soda" vs. "Pop"
September 30
The age-old question of what to call that oh-so-popular category of drinks will be settled once and for all. An Australian contingent advocating the term "soft drink" failed to receive 15 percent support in the polls and so will not be participating in the debate. They will, however, receive a complimentary can of carbonated non-alcoholic beverage.
The Olympics are over, huzzah!
October 1
EMSP students plan to gather on the quad to watch the closing ceremonies and celebrate the end of the monstrous event that stole precious airtime and advertising dollars from quality programming like Pokémon, Digimon, and AlGorémon.
Concert: Milli Vanilli
October 12
We think one of them is dead, but hey, anybody can lip-synch to "Blame it on the Rain," right? Possible test question: Why would anybody want to?
Lecture: My Crappy Life
October 17
You kids don't know how good you have it. I keep missing the train to work because my alarm clock doesn't go off. I'm not allowed to give blood because I was in England during the Mad Cow Disease epidemic. And yesterday my pet rock died.
Hitler Impersonation Contest
October 22
Start growing your funny little moustaches, because tonight you get to harangue the masses who don't know exactly what "harangue" means. If you've ever applied to architecture school and gotten rejected, you won't want to miss it!
Corning
October 31
This link will tell you all about it.
Protest Against Ergonomic Globalization
November 3
Faceless international corporations are selling their products to unsuspecting downtrodden foreigners by using fancy words like "ergonomic" and "antilock" and "V-6" that they probably just made up.
Got an event that you want posted? Use the convenient form below:
Those who subscribe to some Eastern philosophy that postulates the circular nature of time may wish to consult the following, and make long-range plans accordingly:
| Fall 1999 | Spring 2000 |
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