This stuff is over. Stop living in the past!
Armageddon
December 31-January 1
It's the end of the world!
Millennium Group Taunt
January 2
Let's go make fun of those idiots who bought 3 months' worth of canned food and a generator in preparation for Y2K, or the ones who sold everything and moved to the Holy Land to wait for the Second Coming.
Y2K Bonfire
January 5
Burn all "millennium" paraphernalia, especially those items that erroneously state that the 3rd millennium begins in 2000, not 2001 as it really does.
ALF Appreciation Day
January 29
Remember ALF? He's been lonely lately, ever since his show got canceled. He needs a big group hug from all of us here at EMSP.
Concert: Calvin Pressboard and the Predecessors
February 12
A perrennial favorite at EMSP, CP&tP will bring their unique brand of new-age klezmer/metal to the stage in The Shed. Tickets are 2 bottlecaps and a stick of gum, or $37.50 at the door.
Amish Theme Dance
February 20
Wear your best black suits and shapeless dresses, then come to the EMSP Dance Hall (AKA the basement) and stand around, since dancing as well as electronic devices such as stereos and strobe lights are against Amish religious beliefs.
Lecture: PLUs of the Universe
March 3
Ever wonder why nearly every produce code begins with a "4"? In this lecture, Professor Meeker postulates a cosmic produce organizing system that assigns all Terran produce a prefix of "4," allowing him to deduce that Martian Bananas would be 5011.
Doubleplusgood Day
March 10
Big Brother has increased this day's ration of fun from 14 to 12.
Browser Wars
March 21
To settle the Netscape vs. Internet Explorer debate once and for all, two teams of partisan Internet junkies will compete to see who can find and download the most pictures of cats and tacky animated GIFs.
Leture: How to Mess With Telemarketers' Minds
April 4
Professor Meeker will explain various ways to have fun at the expense of the poor saps who get suckered into calling other people to sign them up for credit cards, including the public debut of the "Sorry, I'm gay" line.
Andean Theme Dinner
April 12
The Shed will be serving 300 varieties of potatoes, as well as non-alcoholic chicha (it's like a corn milkshake made with non-alcoholic beer!).
Cult Recruitment Fair
April 21
Various cults, from Doomsday to Elvis, will be on campus to brainwash new members and harass the infidels.
Concert: Quankmayer Færgolzia and Stipplicon
April 29
Hey, can you tell me where you got your name from?
I drew a picture of myself one day and I wrote "Quankmayer Færgolzia" on it, and I decided that would be the name for my band.
Hey PhiLL, let's shoot 'em off the stage!
Spring Party Weekend
May 5
Everybody get trashed.
May 6
Everybody get hammered.
May 7
Everybody get wasted.
Grilled Cheese Cook-Off
May 8
I think that's pretty self-explanatory.
Last Day of Classes
May 12
Have a Vice-Presidential summer!!
| Current Schedule | Fall 1999 | Spring 2000 |
All material © 1999-2000 by Eemeet Meeker Online Enterprises, except stuff we stole from other people as indicated in the credits.