a pensive mood

everything has gone to silence
all traces of the past tempest have been swept away
like so many particles of dust, if you look
carefully at a shaft of sunlight you will see them
as if once again ascending to the sky where
they came from, mission accomplished,
lives changed, hearts broken,
sometimes i have to strain a bit to believe
that you were once mine, in short quick flashes,
when perhaps you contemplated
about loving me instead;
all those moments are gone now
nothing remains in my hands that started out empty

are my fingerprints still visible in your hands?
i think i can still discern yours in the random places
where you have casually tried to connect
soul-threads, was my own soul too slippery
or was your own too half-hearted?

old riddles, these, and then there is just time
that passes and nothing now remains
but silence, and awareness of certain
things left unsaid.

pilgrimage

i can feel you pulsing
along this cosmic web
i wish to intercept you

and this love

this life will stop.
this breath will cease.
this body will become dust.
and this Soul?
where does it go?
where does it be?

and this love,
what of it?

moon in gemini

tonight the moon
enters gemini

it’s a fickle moon, too much like my selves
hiding in phases, always broken, rarely whole

they say she is a goddess, able to grant prayers,
but i say her blessing is a madness, incurable

yet she turns tides, makes wolves out of men,
wakens blood-drinkers,  summons me

tonight i decide whether to hunt you down
or run far away into the mountains

middle path

with ragged breath
i try to find the
middle path,
to avoid the
extremes of joy
and the extremes
of grief
so i could receive
your love
or lose it
with equanimity

dream-haunted

i still get drunk on the secretness of his smile
flat on eggshell paper, the shadows painted in
as if to lock him out of our precious mundane-ness
his gaze is always direct, aided by the visions
of a thousand stars flickering in the depths of his eyes,
the paleness of his skin flowing smoothly, like it was
trying to spill over the page and grasp me,
and i always thought it would feel both cool and warm,
sending fire and ice shooting into my heart,
randomly erasing memories, blurring the edges
of what i have always been used to, everything definite
reduced to mere possibilities, and anything else
is made to manifest by the simple gesture of his hand,
a light sprinkling of the finest sand, silent like the gentlest
rain, already i am lulled to almost sleep
hovering on the threshold, trying to recall what
i have been taught: i put my palms together
and then i bowed my head in blessing ---
namaste,  i greet the god in you,
--- his soul shimmers in acknowledgement,
i let myself fall…

duality

i would have loved to make you mine
but that would be going back to the vicious circles
of you and me, and the others who also want
pieces of you, and some who want all of you
not really knowing what that means, only that
it means having something
although sometimes it is amusing to indulge
in wanting, as long as i am able to pull myself out
before i breathe in too much and the illusions go to my head,
or worse i forget to breathe at all, running after
ghosts with arms outstretched towards nothing but myself,
and then falling down bewildered at my own footsteps

path i

path ii

path iii

path iv

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Acknowledgements

Boogie Jack's Web Depot