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do not mind these hands these apostrophes of possession i have them well-trained not to grasp too tight or too soon or not to try at all beware more of this heart whose claim is etched in bone, each day a slash in blood the waiting like a cancer slowly spreading out
i would like to hold you close while counting my breath marvelling at the wonder of holding you close if my love spills over forgive me i simply cannot contain the Greatness of your Soul shimmering and smudging its edges into mine
by any chance did you shatter? and that is why i found these huge pieces of you left in seeming abandon on this path i must have chosen wisely, (or else it’s just too sad), are these your gifts, traces of your promise before we lost all consciousness and were once again human, hints so i will always remember because perhaps i was always the one who forgot and took you for granted so now, it is i who clamors for attention, god it hurts to be so ordinary, i needed to smear the sound of your name on my skin, anointing myself like it would keep my heart from being broken, they have sharp jagged edges these mirror pieces of you, but none thin enough to slice through my wrists, only enough bluntness to bruise, not this, not this, each time, taken away, while the finger keeps pointing to the moon slowly i begin to understand.
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one last thing
before i empty myself completely i take this one last dare extended to the Universe i place myself for the last time precariously on the edge of mad possibilities waiting and trying not to wait that old cross on that old steeple will be the only witness to my final prayer before i shed all hope one last chance i will spend here, courting his destiny my patched-up heart as bait my soul wagered to the core one last offering of myself before i scatter me to be lost and to be one a final call for blessing
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practice
is there a chance, maybe none i’ll take my case before i rest my case forget about costs i have lifetimes to spend learning, i can perfect my skills, eventually perhaps even be able to sit in full lotus
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stars uncrossed
tell me how i should begin to cross the vast silences built between us for years we have been unaware too hunched over constructing our little empires, trying to win hearts, losing a little bit of ours each time all the while we walked alongside each other, and if we could have looked up maybe we could have recognized where we are going, now i look up and i see you across from me a chasm of galaxies waits to be spanned i try to measure the length and strength of my soul-threads, while the stars glimmer in yet unprophesied constellations around you, i sit to breathe when you look up and through the curtains of familiarity, cliches, stereotypes, expectations, will you sense me, counting my breath like each was a step taken towards you? will you meet me in recognition or will you choose to forget?
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Acknowledgements