The Boy Who Thought He Could
Read about the incredible true story of one boy's brave journey to find his Spirit's Quest.
This heartfelt story is about the passion of life, overcoming obstacles and finding
the courage to believe in yourself, by following your dreams to reach your full potential.
How quickly our life journey can change . . .
Finding out that my newly diagnosed
HIV status had prgressed
into full blown AIDS in
January of 1998 was devastating,
especially as I was in
the hospital extremely ill with
Pneumocystis Carinii Pneumonia PCP,
(a bacterial parasite type pneumonia)
and could hardly breathe. During this time
a dear friend of mine called on a
Reiki practitioner he knew and asked her
to visit me in the hospital.
I did not understand why this lady who
didn’t even know would want to sit with me
several days a week for an hour at a time,
especially when I could hardly even
speak most of the time.
I remember this stranger asking me
if I would allow her to visit so she
could send me energy for healing.
While not fully understanding what she meant,
I nodded yes - I was willing to try
about anything. After three weeks
in the hospital I finally recovered
enough to go home, but I wasn’t prepared
to handle what was to happen during
the next four months. Four months that
changed my life in the worst way
for the better.
Over the next four months I had to
be literally carried into the hospital
emergency room diagnosed with something
different each month, and each month
I would be in the hospital for a minimum
of two to three weeks. In January and March
I suffered from pneumonia (PCP)
and in February I had a severe
paralyzing reaction to my AIDS medications.
But perhaps the most devastating was in
April, the week of my birthday, when
I contracted an opportunistic intestinal parasite
along with Cytomegalovirus (CMV retinitus),
a rare eye virus that usually causes one to
go blind even if the 4-hour
daily I.V. treatment works.
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Several of the doctors who were treating me
said that I should get my affairs in order
because they had not seen anyone go through
what my body was experiencing with AIDS
related diseases and survive very long.
Yet, every month the doctors were amazed
that I recuperated. I now attribute much
of my recovery to the Reiki and prayers that
I was receiving. Even so, after the fourth
time of being taken to the emergency room,
I reached my limit and asked God to
please let me die. I couldn’t take this anymore
and for the first time in my life I thought
that I would find someway to end my life quickly
if one more thing went wrong with my body.
The following is a letter that I wrote:
"Dear Family and Friends,
I really need to vent . . . I’ve already
yelled into my pillow, hit my fist on
my desk a few times and cannot stop crying.
So what are you suppose to do when you
follow everything the doctors say to do,
take the initiative to go beyond
conventional medicine by looking into
alternative therapy – yes which even
includes prayer, talking with doctors on the
latest updates to do, researching on the
internet, following through with actions and
still my body doesn’t respond or continues
to go in the opposite direction?
I have followed my own advice and followed
everything pragmatically to the letter
but my fucking body just will not produce
T-Cells – fuck, fuck, FUCK! Yes, this
"good Christian boy” is pissed. Sorry if you
are offended, but at the moment I’m just
really tired of being “proper” and
looking for the “good” that is out there – the
"lessons" to be learned somewhere in all of this.
Right now I just feel like giving up . . .
I just don’t know how or what to do
at this moment. How do you make it through
when everything seems so bleak and you
do everything that you are supposed to do
or are capable of doing, yet things are
out of your control?
I’m just feeling so lost at the moment. . ."
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Since I still could not walk far,
after mailing that letter, I took the first bus
that came along - a ride to nowhere,
not wanting to see anyone but at the same time
desperately hoping to meet someone.
I know that sounds irrational,
even silly and not wise for someone so weak,
but I just wanted to get away,
get lost, become someone different
. . . I just wanted to cry.
I rode the bus despondently to the end of the line.
I walked around trying to contemplate
things, asking God for guidance about what was
happening to me, why I couldn’t find my faith to go on,
I was so sad and lonely.
The thing is, I was fine with the thought of dying
because up until this time I had a full life and so
much good had previously come into my life,
along with loving friends and family.
But, I wasn’t ready to continue living like this.
Needless to say I cried a lot, then after a few hours
I took the bus back toward home.
Well, on the bus ride back this young guy
got on the bus, he was smiling and in
an obviously good mood - he couldn't have been
more than 21 years old. I looked at him,
studying him for quite awhile,
wondering why he seemed so content
and what did he have to smile about anyway . . .
this young guy who got on the bus
all alone was blind, but his countenance
made my mind see more clearly.
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I was thankful for being shown
a different perspective on things
in a very simple but very important way.
I was still lonely,
I wasn’t all of a sudden joyful
but I wasn’t despondent any more either.
I received a blessing,
I did not go blind from CMV
and I could still see the beauty around me.
Yes, I was quite weak
but I realized that the Universe was
watching over me and guiding my path.
During this time my body was still having major
adverse reactions to taking all of the AIDS
medications, which were an increasing concern to
the doctors because my kidneys and liver
were becoming dangerously toxic.
A decision needed to be made within a couple weeks,
I either had to stop the AIDS medications
or continue taking them and completely destroy
my kidneys and liver. Either way I felt trapped,
no matter what I did there seemed
to be no way for me to get healthy.
But again, Divine Timing was perfect:
I was introduced to a Tibetan physician,
Dr. Yeshi Dhonden, who was the personal physician
to the Dali Lama. Even more amazing
is the fact that he only visits
the United States once a year and I met him
exactly when I needed him the most.
His translators told him my situation
then he held my wrist while he did
what seemed to be some kind of meditation.
He told me to continue taking my AIDS Medications
but he also prescribed special Tibetan herbs,
then he blessed an amethyst, which he gave me
and told me to keep it close to my person.
This was the strangest doctor appointment
that I have ever had.
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I took these strange round herbs
that came from India
and I carried the
amethyst with me every day.
To my amazement, within thirty days
my kidneys and liver went back to normal
and I no longer experienced
any adverse side effects
of my medications. My doctors were amazed
at the miraculous turnaround that
my body did in only one month.
Fortunately my doctors were open to
this alternative therapy so they encouraged me
to stay on the herbs, although,
I did not tell them about the amethyst.
The years following 1998 were filled with a few
positive moments like those I just mentioned
yet I still had many depressing moments
mentally, physically and emotionally.
Being so sick, forced me to go on disability,
my weight went from 150 to 127 pounds,
my T-Cells would fluctuate between 27 and 80
while the HIV virus count in my body would
fluctuate between 100,000 and 160,000.
I have been to several doctors
since I was first diagnosed with AIDS in 1998
and I finally found a doctor who was
willing to monitor me on
newer more aggressive therapies, and
he also happens to be a Reiki I Practitioner.
Doctor Shawn Hassler has an office in
downtown San Francisco and is a member of
California Pacific Medical Center,
a hospital that is studying the effects
of Reiki with patients. Doctor Hassler is one
of the most wonderful and brilliant doctors
that I have ever had, he goes the extra mile
for his patients. He believes in and
encourages his patients to try Reiki as
well as other complementary therapies
with their Western Medical Treatments.
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It was during this time that Reiki
was re-introduced to me. Every time
I had a Reiki Session, I would feel
a burden lifted as though
I had visited a psychologist,
I felt taller as though
I had been readjusted by a chiropractor,
I would leave smiling
and it would feel so good
to breathe deeply with content as though
I had just visited with a dear friend.
How could I have forgotten about something
that had such an important
influence in my life? How was it
that I never tried Reiki after my
first year of getting sick?
I decided that I needed to learn more about Reiki.
I’m not saying that Reiki is the answer
for everyone who has a critical
life threatening illness, but for myself,
because of continual Reiki
along with quality innovative medical care,
taking charge of my nutrition and exercise,
I am able to actively do what I enjoy.
One thing I find particularly amazing is
that not until I decided to practice Reiki
did I notice major consistent improvement
in my health. It was after I became
attuned to Reiki I & II
and began practicing on other people with AIDS
that I noticed my T-Cells finally
going up consistently and
the HIV virus in my body becoming
undetectable with each set of labs that came back.
However, shortly after I received my
Reiki I & II attunements
in 2001 and 2002, respectively, I developed an AIDS related
colon cancer and parvo, something that
usually only dogs catch. In people with depleted
immune systems, parvo settles in the bone marrow
further inhibiting the immune system.
Getting rid of the parvo required
that I have an I.V. treatment 3 to 4 hours
a week for 7 months. Needless to say,
my spirits dropped. There were many days where I
would need a good long cry
more often than not. Even though my T-Cells
dropped again and my health was wavering
I felt peace and strength
whenever I shared Reiki with others.
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The cancer was found early enough
so it was removed easily, however a few months
after the operation, the colon cancer returned.
That is when I started to become aggressive
in self treatment of Reiki by using
the hand positions, breath and meditation techniques
that are found in “The Original Reiki Handbook
of Dr. Mikao Usui” by Dr. Mikao
and Frank Arjava Petter.
I also began practicing Qi Gong
since I did not have the strength to exercise
at the gym after my colon operation.
I find Qi Gong along with Reiki
to be very powerful practices in my life,
both spiritually and physically.
I highly recommend the use of both as a method
of building inner strength and calming the spirit.
I am thankful that the second biopsy
of the colon cancer came back benign and
there is no trace of the colon cancer
or the parvo in my body.
I cannot explain how, but I feel such
strength and comfort while giving Reiki to others
and I finally feel as though
I am in sync with the Universe.
From practicing Reiki I & II, I knew
that I wanted to go on with training to
become a Reiki Master/Teacher.
So I received my training in 2003. I now realize
that I wasn’t the one who found Reiki
but it was Reiki that found me and
led me to connect with
Laurelle Gaia and Michael Baird
who attuned me to the Reiki Master/Teacher level.
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It was Laurelle Gaia who helped me tremendously
by showing me how to focus Reiki
on my Thymus Gland for
improving my immune system.
I noticed amazing changes
when I started utilizing
that technique along with utilizing
the power of crystals with Reiki.
I strongly recommend focusing Reiki
on the Thymus Gland for anyone struggling
with a compromised immune system.
Another very powerful technique
that Laurelle and Michael
taught me which made a tremendous difference
in my quality of life was to
focus the Reiki Symbols
and energy in return to the Universe,
my Reiki Guides and the ascended Reiki Masters.
I don’t have any secret to give
for keeping a strong will to live
and a positive attitude for living
except to say that I try to enjoy
the “drink” that I do have in my “glass”
and not look at my “glass” as half empty
or half full.
I don’t really consider myself an optimist,
although I have been optimistic in life
but I see myself more of a pragmatist
with a very strong spiritual side.
It is normal to have difficult times
and situations arise which
really are upsetting, but too many people
worry about what might happen or how things
are not happening and they forget to live
in the beauty of the present - I struggle
with this balance constantly.
Teaching Reiki has taught me not to discount
my hard times by any means but most importantly,
not forget to appreciate the good things
that I do have in the present moment.
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I have also learned through Reiki Meditation,
specifically through Laurelle Gaia’s
"Infinite Spectrum Meditation Journey",
to embrace my fears, learn
from them and release all judgment
and concern over fear.
By embracing what my fears are,
I can't tell you the strength that
I now feel – I still tend to
be more hesitant than I'd like to be
but I no longer feel paralyzed,
or depressed about not knowing
why I am/was fearful.
I'm grabbing hold of my fears instead of
having them continue to grab and try to
paralyze me, or even make me
move backwards on the journey in my life quest.
You think I should know this by now,
but the thing I realized about fear
is that fear loves to embrace you,
however, the minute you realize or can name
the fear by embracing your fear,
then your fear is the one
that becomes captive and is subject
to your actions - does that make sense
By utilizing an affirmation from
The "Infinite Spectrum Meditation Journey"
I was able to transform the energy
that fear was taking from me,
to make me stronger and take
"baby steps" forward in my life - even if I
find myself hesitating
I can continue moving forward.
I am constantly learning lessons from
having AIDS and being a Reiki Master.
A very important lesson is that Reiki doesn’t
always work in the way we want it to,
but Reiki always works for our highest good.
Also, something that I have come to realize is
that being a Reiki Master does not mean
I will necessarily have the extra “in-sight”
to a complex situation or that I will
particularly make the right decisions
on my journey or be able to speak
with “wisdom beyond my years”.
Perhaps becoming a Reiki Master just alerts
the Universe to work harder at keeping us humble
in our perception of how awesome and infinite
the Universal Life Force really is.
Maybe the Universe is also helping us see
that even though we feel small
and at times feel so inadequate
that we are loved and we are
very important to the Universe.
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I can’t tell you how important it is
to schedule time daily for exercise,
meditation (especially the Reiki
Moving Meditation) and to
find a Reiki Practitioner or
Reiki Master who truly emanates the beauty
and love that comes from the
Divine Spirit of the Universe.
I have no doubt that Laurelle Gaia and
Michael Baird were brought into
my life by Reiki so I could
see the beauty and
strength of the Universe
at a time when I needed it the most.
Laurelle and Michael have been so much more
than my Reiki Master Teachers – among other things,
they have taught me that
Divine Timing IS Perfect.
They have become my mentors, my strength
in weak times and encouragement during times
when I doubted myself and doubted
the working of Reiki in my life.
After six years of struggling with
AIDS adversely affecting my health and finances,
all I can say is that Reiki continues
to be a powerful healing difference in my life.
My body is responding exceptionally well to
my medications and my blood work has all
come back consistently better
over the last year and a half.
It is hard to believe that I am in better
physical condition now than I was in college.
I am maintaining a weight of 172 lbs.,
T-Cells above 300 and still rising
with an undetectable HIV viral load in my body.
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I have been off the Tibetan herbs
for two years now and still
have no side affects or adverse reactions
to my medications. Doctor Hassler said that he is
so thrilled and inspired to see me
move on to a new level of living.
I am off disability and able to work again, while continuing
to share the beauty and blessing that is Reiki.
Doctor Hassler, my friends, my family
and I are all very excited about that!
Doctor Hassler has even agreed
to let me practice Reiki out of his office
on weekends, which has been another
answer to prayer. I receive such strength
when I give Reiki sessions that
tears sometimes fall
from sheer joy over this healing in my life
and being able to see healing occur
through Reiki in other lives as well.
Another change in my life journey
that I never thought would arrive.
I am so thankful for Reiki coming into my life,
for Reiki has enhanced my life journey
and changed me for the better.
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I still have some difficult days with doubts
of staying healthy, having a full time Reiki practice,
finding someone to share my life with in a loving relationship, etc.
Then I realize that my strength
hasn’t come from my being
anyone special or from
what I have attained,
but my vitality comes from the Universe
and from my journey in getting here.
It is the journey that helped me to grow,
become stronger and to rediscover
myself in a new light.
Take time to touch nature, focus on
the beauty that is all around right now,
and believe in the Universal power
available to each of us.
Appreciate the beauty of the Divine Life
within you – appreciate what you DO have
in the present moment and breathe deeply.
May the Spirit and Blessing of Reiki be with you!
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