Solutions Archive #1
This is the Solutions Archive No.1.Here you would find solutions to previously posted problems.(Poblems 1 to 145).
The solutions are according to the date of posting of the problem....recent ones first,older ones later.The solutions will be here forever...atleast till I run out of space.This will help visitors having a similar problem to find a solution.
If you need to Post Your Problem Click Here.If you,the visitor,need the contact mail id of any of the persons below,you can mail to me.....I shall furnish the same to you at the earliest with the concerned person's consent.
145.
Name:Elizabeth
City:Temecula
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 12 2002 / 22:27:27
Elizabeth's Problem:
I like this one boy and he went on vacation and came
back with a girlfriend. Before he left he liked me he flirteed
he treated me like i was special. But what i dont understand is
why did he just be like bye what happen to me? Why did i get "dissmissed"?
I know buys have crazy minds but i dont understand and i want to beable to!!
Hi Elizabeth,
Be happy he's not your guy anymore.For all you know he might go on another vacation and get another girl!Well,hes not to be blamed,nor can you write off his characrter.Its only his immaturity and feeble mindedness and his hormone-intensive age thats making him do this.Hes still not ready for a relationship and theres no point banging on him atleast at the moment.
Dont lose heart,and dont think of him anymore.e happy for what has happened.You can be peaceful only if you make a conscious efort to not think of him.You may always get him back...but dont dream of that from now...or you'll definitely find a better and a more stable guy than him.Be hopeful and confident.Think of other things in life.Good Luck!
144.
Name:Kellie
City:Georgia
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 12 2002 / 19:31:26
Kellie's Problem:
Hi. I'm in need of some prayer. If you'll remember
a while back me writing about how shy I am, and how I get really
nervous around strangers and even people I KNOW? Well, I came across
an article one the Net one day talking about Social Anxiety Disorder
(S.A.D), and it gave symptoms and stuff. Turns out, I had literally
ALL the symptoms for S.A.D except for about two. I was shocked,
because everyone said that "I'd grow out of it" and that I was just
"shy." The websites say that S.A.D. is inherited (My Mom says she
was 'shy' like me growing up), so I must have gotten it from my
mother. The websites say that you can go to psychiatrists and be
put on anti-depressants to help you become more outgoing, but I
don't want to take medicine everyday to help me talk more. That's
not the PERSON talking, it's a MEDICINE talking. I've been praying
about it, trying to beat it, but it's HARD. I always say over and
over in my head when I go to a public place that "People aren't
judging you or trying to make you feel nervous or uncomfortable.
They just want to get to know you better." It's working a LITTLE,
but it's still very difficult. So, I would just like some prayer
that I'll be able to overcome this on my own, and was wondering
if you have any suggestions? Thanks!
Hi Kellie,
Yes Kellie,I do remember the last time you'd written about this!
"It's working a LITTLE,but it's still very difficult."
See that?...Then what is upsetting you?....Well,you need to go about it in a calm way.Dont get over anxious.Have faith and work on it constantly....as long as you are making progress theres nothing to worry.
Believe that you can do it....NEVER THINK OTHERWISE...and you'll certainly overcome your shyness.Well,your mom was shy...now doesnt mean your behaviour must be like that...it can always change and you know it!Here are a few ways to improve your confidence and overcme shyness:
1.Stop worrying too much about the way you are dressed...just enough if you look clean and tidy and are dressed for the ocassion,if anything special.
2.You know this...people are not judging you!You start the conversation and you will see how confident you have become and how differently things are working;rather than having them to start the conversation.
3.Participate in as many speaches,debates,seminars and other speaking exercises.Each time you'd see yourself literaly grow.How to make the first step?...Just throw yourself on the stage.Doesnt matter if you dont do very well..but atleast you are learning a lot!
4.Constantly tell yourself you will,and you can overcome shyness.Never think in the opposite direction!Use every opportunity to express your feelings...be confident and learn to respect yourself....
5.Before going to bed..everynight...think of your day and see how bold you were..and tell yourself you are improving and theres no way you can go wrong!Every morning when you wake,spend 2 minutes on your bed and say your a winner and are not afraid of anyone..and tell yourself what a nice person you are!Fill yourself with positive attitude...!
By following these simple things,you will certainly overcome your problems.Its all about making that first move,...and giving yourself opportunitites...rather throwing yourself into the arena,sometimes!
You could always consult a psychiatrist...its not a rule that he will load you with medicines...A simple talk with him can make work things better!
143.
Name:Mariah
City:_____,Florida
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 11 2002 / 20:27:30
Mariah's Problem:
Hi! Okay, I need some advice. This is gonna sound
REALLY stupid, but here goes. I have a problem with letting people
hug or touch me in any affectionate ways whatsoever--even my parents
or relatives!!! Everytime someone goes to casually hug me, put their
arm around me, etc I move away immediately from that person. I even
did this to my ex-boyfriend when we dated, and it caused problems
and we eventually broke up. I've been burned a lot, and have a hard
time trusting people I don't know. It's hard for me to say "I love
you" even to my parents or other family members. How can I let people
love me, and be loving and affectionate in return??
Hi Mariah,
Dont mix up issues...and dont worry about some not so nice things that might have happened in your life.Dont confront people with a fear...any fear...could be fear of being judged in any way or fear of any other kind...For this you need to trust yourself first,and be more self-confident.Look at people around you as the best human beings on this earth,and you are fortunate to have them...!Be optimistic in everything you do and everything you expect.The next time you see a close friend or relative...you be the first person to throw the hug,...and see the difference!Just hug...BELIEVE ME..just do it...nothing terrible is going to happen.Just throw your arms out and do it...you have nothing to lose.This is the only way you can start feeling ok about hugging.Stop feeling that people are taking something from you when they hug you.Start liking the close peole around you the way you'd want them to like you.From now on make it a point that you are the giver...giver of a hug,or a handshake or a pat or some sweet words.You need to practice this and make yourself comfortable.Make it a point to do it from now on!See the difference and see how confident you would have become,with handling people!
Also,never do anything immoral or that you know is wrong.When you do such things..sometimes it may lead to drawing upto yourself and start fearing people in the sense that they may "find you out"...You'd start feeling scandalous...and make you uncomfortable iwth people!If you have done any such wrong things...confess it,and you'll feel a lot more comfortable with your parents and friends.And when you confess,it will be really appreciated!
Greet everyone first...before they greet you...you have to to it!Good Luck Mariah!
142.
Name:Liz
City:Winchester
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 11 2002 / 03:42:41
Liz's Problem:
I have one boy annoying me for over a year. I have
told them to stop but he wont. So to make him stop i have decided
to slap them the next time he annoys me. It worked for the other
girls that he annoyed. They slapped him once or twice and he didnt
bother them anymore. I havnt slapped anyone before so i have some slapping questions:
1.) Why should I slap?
2.)After what kind of incident?
3.) How should I slap?
4.) When should i slap? (In public like in school or later)
5.) How hard should i slap him?
6.) Whats the difference between a Bitch slap and a slap? And When should i bitch slap a boy?
*He doesnt like me and I dont like him. We're kind of friends but
not really. What he does is really annoying. He calls me Lizzy is___
B*tchy. over and over again. He also trys to hang out w/ me and
my friends just to be annoying we have nicked named him the stalker
but that wont even stop him from annoying me.
Hi Liz,
Slapping is one of the rudest thing to do to anyone.It hits on a person's dignity and self respect,whether in public or in a small room with no other people!So dont do this cheap thing of slapping him.After all there should be a difference in behaviour between you and him.If you slap him,he'd only be more enraged and may do more annoying things.Theres only one solution....
Ignore.Just ignore him.Dont even look at him,dont even call him names dont even acknowledge his presence anywhere!when he calls you names,dont make a frown...dont do anything!Let the fool do what he wants...After all he's doing all this only to attract you and your friends' attention.And when you dont respond to his cheap thrills in the way he expects you to,then he would stop irritating you and your friends.Good Luck Liz!
141.
Name:Krista
City:Middletown
Sex :Female
Age :10
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 10 2002 / 20:23:57
Krista's Problem:
I have a problem my friend stole my boyfriend from
me and she never said sorry. what should I do?
Hi Krista,
Theres nothing you need to worry.You will certainly get another better boyfriend when you are a little older.Be more broad minded and stop feeling everything is over...things have just begun..stop being over anxious...
Your friend need not say any sorry to you....After all she has not forced him...probably even he likes her...so Krista...be hopeful about better things in store for you!Stop thinking of this guy..and do other things in life!Divert your focus into something else and things would be fine!Good Luck!
140.
Name:Liz
City:_______
Sex :Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 10 2002 / 05:29:59
Liz's Problem:
Hi,
I have been going out with my boyfriend for over a year now.
Ever since we have been dating my great grandparents have had a
problem with him. They don't want to have anything to do with him.
I used to visit them daily, but I rarly visit them anymore because
I feel like I have to leave out a huge part of my life when I go
there. My boyfriend and I plan to get married and plan to be together
forever and we are very close to each other. We have only spent
about 4 days apart our whole relationship and we are together all
day. We just recently got back from a family vacation. we went and
saw my step mom's brother and once he heard that my boyfriend was
in college it was like he didn't want anything to do with us. Also
I have noticed that my great grandparents are racist and my boyfriend
has african american in him. But ever since we got back my mother
has been putting us down. Before we left my family made me feel
so low. My mother kept telling my aunt that was visiting that i
can't do anything, that whenever I need something done, I just ask
my bf to do it. They made me feel so low that the whole week that
my aunt was at my house I stayed away all day and didn't come home
until I was tired. My cousin just told me how when he was at my
other grandparents house that my mom's dad was saying that I was
a disappointment and that I'm like a little child. Which I can't
believe that he said because I used to always go over there and
work my butt off for him. I just can't believe how my family is
turning on me and my boyfriend. I'm a great student and I am succeeding
very well and so is my boyfriend. Also ever since I moved four years
ago my mother has made me do a sport that I haven't wanted to do.
She says that it will make my grandparents happy. But the thing
is I haven't been happy doing it. I can't stand doing it for another
year and every time that I try telling my mom that I don't like
it, it's like she doesn't even care. My mom brought my 2 year old
neice to my house for a couple of weeks and she just expected me
to drop everything and watch her. I mean I don't mind watching her,
but my mom always decides for me. She knew that I have been trying
to get a job for mornings, but she says that I have to watch the
kid. It's like she doesn't even care what I want. It seems like
she likes this kid that she had move into our house better then
me. She allowed this boy to move into my house that is 19 and it's
like he has replaced me. Well I guess that's it for now. Sorry to
talk your ears off. Please give me some advice.
Gratefully,
Liz
Hi Liz,
Sorry for what?...haha dont you worry...you can write pages and send to me...it'd still be fine!
Well,I'd say you have no problem at all!..NO,I am not dismissing your feelings and anxieties.I only mean its a thing that can be slowly analysed and with a slight change of attitude you can find happiness.
All you need to do is think very positive(....ofcourse,think positively only till the limit of practicality!...a lot of us dont do that,or sometimes over do it,i.e,think positively beyond the limit of practical feasibility and later feel let down!)And currently you seem to be having a fraction of optimisim you are supposed to have!Be more optimisitic in life,that would boost your confidence,and lessen your worries.Sit down and analyse...if this is the problem,whats the best solution thats within my reach,rather than worrying endlessly about circumstances and situations.Also you need to tell yourself to compromise wherever required....
Now,getting to specifics,regarding your boyfriend....you seem to be going on fine and both of you doing good at studies...so theres no reason why you should be worried about your relationship.For the moment,you need to keep this issue at a low end in front of your family...stop talking about him,stop meeting at your places and reduce phone calls....all said and done you said you meet everyday,so the above can be done.Now,by doing this,you'd see lesser wrath at home and no more harsh words and disgusting dialogues.When you and your boyfriend would become successful people in your lives,and have settled down with a good job,you could talk about the marriage with your family.You would certainly get a better response,and you'd be in a better moral standing to convince them.They would surely understand your feelings.The reaction you are getting from them right now is a mixture of their anxiety about your academic future,and not just the race issue...
Dont really worry about what your family and cousins are telling about you.Dont feel let down...I understand how it feels.But it still is in your hands to change their perception.Achieve something and you'd have all their mouths shut!For the moment,dont get emotionally broken down if they call you incapable,etc...instead see how you can use their words as an inspiration every time they say something like that.But dont use it in the form of rage or anger...be calm and think for yourself.Be more stable,and dont get carried away easily....constantly tell yourself that you can do what you want to do...and then you'd see the difference.Dont let their words dictate your capapbilities.Make yourself a stronger person.This can be done by positive thinking and ascertaining success to yourself all the time.
About the sport,well,sometimes we cant help things out...as long as we are under our parents....you can only try talking to your mom once more....or just see some positive thing out of it!In the end you need to be happy,so see what positive thing you gain out of the sport...all said and done,default benifit is a good health...think in those directions.
About the kid,well,you should also see that your mom is helpless too...which is why she's asking you to look after her....you could make sense of what I just said,if you make yourself a little more brodaminded.Stop thinking your mom is always dumping o you...And it really isnt a great loss if you arent working at the moment...you dont have a family to support!Instead,while looking after the kid,you could study,or pursue some hobbey,learn new things...do a million things!And you could robably save from the money that you get home to buy what you want!
So Liz,with a little change in your thiniking and approach,you'd certainly see happiness!Good Luck,...do write back!
139.
Name:Christen
City:Monterey, Ca.
Sex :Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 10 2002 / 05:19:33
Christen's Problem:
I know that this problem sounds minuet to a lot of
people but, I seriously need some advice because it is plaguing
me to the point where it is effecting my life. I met this guy and
I gave him my number. We talked for a while and just hung out like
normal people. But, it was always either at his place or mine, we
never went out but I think that is because neither of us have money.
We are broke college students. Then, things got out of control
one week and I had sex with him. But even before this, he would
flake on things like telling me he would come over and never show
up. I always forgave him because he would call me the one, mi amor,
sweetheart, his girlfriend and when we were together things seemed
to not matter. So I told him that I needed him to go out to sushi
with me and my friends. I said it was important that he show and
he didn't. I called frankly and he never was home. I called him
and left him a message crying. He told me before that he was going
over to his friends and then he would call he never did. Then he
wrote me this e-mail saying we needed to talk and he would call
me after work and didn't because I wrote this e-mail basically saying
don't bother. I was hurt and did not want to talk to him and now
he has not called or not even talked to me. I don't know what to
do because I really wanted this to work out. I don't know what to
do and I really miss him and feel lonely without him. What should
I do? Can you help me? I need some advice and how to get him back
in my life? Please tell me the truth of what I need to do. Thank you so much.
Hi Christen,
"......I wrote this e-mail basically saying don't bother."
Why did you have to do that?I really dont find sense in that.You really didnt mean that mail right?...else you wouldnt have seen this as a problem and written to me.
Christen,being true to yourself,is as important as being true to others.Had you been true to your feelings,you wouldnt have written that mail,and perhaps things could have worked better.In the end see who's suffering!Now I am not saying all this to make you repent,but only to caution you to be more considerate with yourself!Dont let other factors influence what you really need!
Now all you can do is to talk to him,call him or meet him...preferably meet him and talk things out.Discuss what are his plans...and more than anything talk about your plans and let him know how you feel.This would bring you a lot of peace.
If things still dont work out,you need to move on,learn from what you did!Sex is not everything about a relationship,is what you'd realize!Be more choosy in your relationship henceforth and make a sane decision,after a lot of thinking and take your time!And forget about the guy,after all why should you bother about somebody whos been selfish with you,and somebody who does not bother about you.the best thing out of the whole issue is the lesson you have learnt..be happy.Ofcourse,dont put yourself in a sad state of not trusting any guy in future..that'd be adding fuel to the fire!...and only you'd be at a loss!All you need to be is careful and act sane,slow and cautious!Good Luck!
138.
Name:Christian
City:Winchester
Sex :Male
Age :9
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 10 2002 / 02:38:11
Christian's Problem:
How can I get a girlfriend.
Hi Christian,
By growing up to the right age and being patient!....not at 9!You will certainly get a girlfriend,when you are older...dont worry!
137.
Name:Diana
City:Cranford
Sex :Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 10 2002 / 01:01:44
Diana's Problem:
I was involved with a guy i truly loved. i still do.
We have broken up a couple days ago. We had broken up twice before.
This time he gave me basically the same exscuse that he gave last
time. That I "have issues" and am too stressful. The other day he
tells me he loves me and he got a ticket to come away on vacation
with my family with me. The next day he breaks up with me saying
"he doesn't know how he feels about me" that he needs to think.
he also thinks everything i said to him was not the truth, which
is not true. I don't know what to do. I really love this guy, but
I don't understand any of this. I am afraid to call him and find
all this out. Last time, he pulled this we got back together. What should I do?
Hi Diana,
I'd probably say you are the ultimate judge of the situation..because you know the pros and cons of the relationship you shared with him.However,I'd say something!
I'd first say,theres no point in continuing a relationship when theres no mutual trust!...there ends the matter.
Continuing such a relationship is perhaps wrath and more wrath to you on a daily basis...or even a monthly basis,that is bad enough.Here,its not enough if only you like him,...he has to be worthy of your love.And now he doesnt seem to deserve you....because he doesnt trust you..and doesnt even want to talk properly with you.He seems to have inhibitions,and hes turning them upon you.Perhaps hes just not ready for a relationship,and needs some more time in life,to have any concrete relationship!....."he doesn't know how he feels about me"...stands proof of the fact that hes not ready for a relationship!But he doesnt want to talk about it..for whatever reason he only knows!
So,to save you from future wrath,you need to end the relationship with this fickle minded guy!All said and done,you can have one last talk and see if things can work,be as frank as possible from your side...ask yourself if you have "hidden" anything from him unknowingly.Have a transparent dialogue...as your last attempt...If things still dont work out,I dont think you have lost much!Good Luck Diana!
136.
Name:Kaustubh
City:Udaipur
Sex :Male
Age :19
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 08 2002 / 10:02:31
Kaustubh's Problem:
hi,
i wrote KCET-2002 exam by the non-karnataka quota seats and i secured
around 6000 ,now i want to know that by what rank the colleges in
bangalore get filled and which r the good colleges here.i also want
to know what colleges and what field i can get with this rank.
please answer me
bye
Hi Kaustubh,
I am afraid,you will not be landing up in a so called "good college with a good branch".he good colleges in Bangalore are,RVCE,PESIT,MSRIT,BMSCE,BIT...to name a few.
As the allotments and choices vary every year,its difficult to pin point what exactly is in store for you with a rank around 6000.Good Luck though!
135.
Name:Louis
City:Udaipur
Sex :Male
Age :19
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 08 2002 / 09:48:46
Louis's Problem:
myself daniel wrote CET2002 exam in bangalore,in the
non karnaTAKA quota seat and i secured 24000 th rank and now i wanted
to know that is it my rank in only among non -karnataka or among
the whole competetors.i mean whether they publish ranks different
for non-karnataka 's or all simultaneously.
please give solution for this query
thanking you
louis
Hi Louis,
The ranks are seperately listed for Karnataka and Non-Karnataka candidates.So your rank gives your position amongst the Non-Karnataka candidates only,and is not a combined tally,including Karnataka candidaates.
134.
Name:Danielle
City:Somewhere
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 07 2002 / 20:16:32
Danielle's Problem:
HI,
My ex boyfriend is having prob see his parents are getting a divorce
and he is moving to whole different state.And he broke up with me
for that reason and we went out of a year and 3 months and i really
loved him and cared about him. Now i will never see him. Its really
bugging me. He told me we could be real good friends but he doesnt
do anything with me he doesnt call me dosent talk to me at all just
ignores me. He has his friends tell me stuff that he says about
me.And now 2 of his friends like me and want him out of the picture.
I still really love him but i dont know what do. Please dont say
i'm to young for a releationship because i'm not i know i'm talkin about.
Confused
Hi Danielle,
Well,you need to be a little more understanding and considerate towards this guy.When his parents are geting a divorce,you must understand the amount of mental agony and pain that he will be going through.He's in a pre-occupied state of mind,and you need to give him space to breathe rather than being selfish and thinking of only your needs.Its really mean to expect him to respond normally and talk normally to you.He'll certainly talk to you and respond to you once he gets "normal".He might dismiss the pain he's going through,but still its a preoccupation in his head.So you need to be more consoling and warm,rather than just thinking of your relationship.Give time a chance,and be patient.Dont bother about his 2 friends,theres nothing they can do to harm your relationship as long as you both have a good understanding!
And make him understand that you still can keep up the relationship through mails and calls..and theres nothing to lose if he's going to another state!..Talk to him and be compassionate!
Lastly,I would certainly say you are a little too young for a relationship,so be slow and act sane!Good Luck Danielle!
133.
Name:Carrie
City:Corpus Christi, TX
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 07 2002 / 03:50:28
Carrie's Problem:
I think I'm kind of fat. I mean, I'm not one of those
people who has really low self-esteem and wants to die because I
think I'm ugly or anything. I think I'm really beautiful besides
the fact that I'm a little overweight. I would do anything to be
thin enough to wear a bikinni or get guys to notice me as MORE than
just their friend. I want to be like my older sister. She walks
into a room and every head is turned, especially the guys heads.
She's tall, pretty, and THIN. I don't know...maybe I'm just jealous
so I'm hard on myself. I'm 5" and I weigh about 118 lbs. I think
I'm fat, my doctor says I am For my age), and even my MOM thinks
I am. But, I don't understand! I exersise daily:swimming, walking,
jogging, riding my bike, rollerblading, dancing, and a lot of other
exercises. At first I thought maybe it was a matabalism problem,
but now I've noticed that I eat when I'm bored. I'm not usually
bored, but when I am, I EAT!!! I'd like to ask my doctor if it's
a matabalism thing, but I'm embarassed. What should I do?
Hi Carrie,
Well,you yourself have answered most of your problem!..
Things you need to do to be thin...stop eating irregularly,i.e,dont eat everytime you're bored or sad or dont eat just for the sake of eating.Dont eat between meals.Eat normal,dont starve....because when you starve,you would end up over eating the very next meal!So be balanced.Keep up your excercises...ofcourse limt them to a few...dont over do things.
"...I would do anything to be thin enough to wear a bikinni or get guys to notice me as MORE than
just their friend....".You dont need to get guys to notice you..and theres no meaning in having all the guys to notice you as "MORE" than their friends!Be calm,...dont stress yourself with such myths...be normal.The guy who likes you will always like you no matter what you wear or how you look.Ofcourse keeping fit and being in good shape is a confidence booster!Give it only the amount of importance that it deserves...dont get obsessed!Good Luck!
132.
Name:Soleil
City:Toronto
Sex :Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 03 2002 / 23:34:58
Soleil's Problem:
My family says I'm beautiful. I rather think so myself.
In the street, I get attention; I dress really sexy everyday. What's
my problem? I don't have any friends. I have no boyfriend and I'm
getting really desperate. What am I supposed to do to socialize
more? Sorry about my mistakes, I'm just a visitor and english is not my language.
Hi Soleil,
Absolutely no spelling/grammar mistakes...your English is fine Soleil!...Dont Worry!
Stop trying to impress people by your looks and theres no need for you to "dress really sexy everyday".Be yourself...stop feeling the need to impress.The best way to impress someone is to not try to impress that someone!The minute you start trying to impress someone,it starts working to bring about the opposite effect of what you intend!Dont be impatient about getting a boyfriend...be optimistic and confident.
Be simple,warm,honest,friendly and frank;you will be in a pool of friends!Getting friends is not just anout looking good and sexy!Good Luck Soleil!
131.
Name:Anastasia 98
City:Chesapeake
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 03 2002 / 02:35:40
Anastasia's Problem:
I am only 15 and I would really like to get a job
for next school year. I can't drive and no one to take me! Can you
tall me some types of jobs that I could do that maybe provide transportation? Or anything else? Thanks
Hi Anastasia,
You could get jobs by having a constant look into classifieds and newspapers...and perhaps pick the best suited to you.KEep people contacts,and you never know when a suitable job migt drop on your lap!I really cannot show you a job that provides you transportation,as I dont live in your city!
130.
Name:Kristen L.
City:Fenton
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 02 2002 / 22:58:50
Kristen's Problem:
I really REALLY like this guy his name is kevin and
there is this girl named courtney that sits next to him so i asked
her if she would try to get him to like me and she said sure. well
that was the wrong thing to do because now courtney and kevin are
flirting and that is my dream guy i like him a lot and i have liked
him for 4 years. now we are out of school and will be starting middle
school next year but i really think someone will like him. i don't
want anyone to steal the guy of my dreams please gimme some advice i need major help
Kristen L.
Hi Kristen,
Well,if you like someone you have to make the person know,rather than sending messengers!What you could do is talk to him and be normal...stop over reacting the moment you see him.Be more stable.And anyway you are a little too young for a reltionship,so I'd ask you to act slow and sane...you have the whole life left,when you'd be in better positions at a later date!Good Luck!
129.
Name:C
City:London
Sex :Male
Age :19
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 02 2002 / 15:26:57
C's Problem:
I recently had sexual intercourse with a girl who
appeared to be very much under age although we met in a night club.
I feel terrible about this and it happened while i was very drunk.
This has caused me to feel that i don't know who i am any more and
i also beleive my family beleive there may be something wrong with
me my parents have been supportive but my brother who is also one
of my best freinds has lost all his respect for me, I have never
done anything like this before i feel i have nowwhere to turn and
i cant relly remember how i met this girl or how it came that we
ended up with me at my house. I am worried about the repurcussions
of my actions i dont want my family and peers to think that this
is the sort of person i am because i know im not but i need an answer
to confirm this iam normaly an intellegent and responsible person
but it has baffled me as to how i have put myself in this situation pleas help. thank you
Hi C,
No drinks,drugs and sex.This has almost become a cliche...unfortunately!Because,as teens we have heard this a million times,and we stop to even think about that phrase.So,you need to stop and think now!...NO SEX,NO DRUGS AND NO INTOXICANTS IN ANY FORM!
The worst state for any human being to be in is not to have anyone to trust and not having anyone to trust you,and a state of repentation!And you are in a situation like this!So you certainly have the bent of mind,to reslove not to have drinks ever again,or have casual sex.
Be happy you have learnt from an experience like this.And be more responsible and act sane.Dont decieve your friends and family!The onlly consolation you can have and the only good thing out of this is the lesson you have learnt....be happy about it..and stop repenting!Good Luck!
128.
Name:Kelly
City:Warren
Sex :Female
Age :19
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 02 2002 / 08:48:06
Kelly's Problem:
All my life I have been over weight. When I was little
it was no big deal just baby fat I would grow out of it. As I entered
middle school it became a concern of mine I could not wear cute
little dresses or skirts like other girls. Yeah I did have friends
both boys and girls but not one the boys looked at me like they
all looked at other girls. I sometimes worried about it but it did
not matter that much. I was more into playing sports and having
friends. But as high school started so did the negative thoughts
in my head. I am too fat, no one wants to be seen with me, no boy
would ever like me. Even though I was thinking these negative things
I did not let it show I would put a smile on my face when boys would
come to talk to my friends and I. Knowing very well they did not
want to talk to me. They wanted the pretty girl the girl who was
skinny. Too make things worse I would get crushes on the really
cute boys the ones who would not even look at me twice that way.
I would build these images in my head of us together dating and
I would twist their words around to make myself feel like they wanted
me too. When 10th grade came along I was convinced that I was so
fat that no guy would ever date me so I gave up. I started eating
all the time, avoiding social places and just went through the motions
of life. Then I met a boy named Jeffrey. He was gorgeous and everything
I wanted in a guy. I thought he would never talked to me, but one
day he sat at my lunch table and started talking me we kind of clicked
and from then on we called each other and hung out sometimes. I
developed a crush on him, so I wanted to be where ever he was at
I wanted to be able to see him all the time. Jeffrey was a very
filtrations guy so it started all over again I twisted the words
around in my head and goodbye hugs were more that that to me. I
really believed that he liked me. Then he started dating other girls.
I was convinced that it was my weight; if I were skinny he would
defiantly like me. So I stared taking diet pills and
working out at fitness USA every free minute I had. My routine
was the exact same everyday. Go to school, go to work, and then
right to fitness USA, get home around 10 pm then to bed. I was so
rapped up in loosing weight that I stopped having a social life.
But it was all worth it when I lost the weight. I could tell Jeffrey
was looking at me differently and so were the other boys. I loved
it so I kept working out and taking the pills. Until one day I passed
out in a tanning bed. I figured it was the heat, so no big thing.
But it happened again and once while I was driving. I went to the
doctors he made me stop taking the diet pills but could not figure
out what was wrong with me. I stopped working out, stopped going
to school, and did not work anymore. I was at the doctors every
other day for blood work and test. After about 2 weeks they diagnosed
me with a bacterial infection in the stomach. I took medication
and did nothing but eat, sleep, and lay around. I would not talk
on the phone or even leave my house. After the medication was gone
so was the infection but I was not the same, I was afraid to go
to school or even see my friends. I started seeing a counselor who
diagnosed me with social anxiety. Once I started the anxiety medication
I was not afraid anymore but still did nothing but watch TV, eat,
and sleep. Then I started seeing a psychiatrist who said I was depressed,
so now I am taking two medications but still not feeling like myself.
I had gained about 45 to 50 pounds and I was convinced that my weight
was the problem. It was causing me to be depressed because no guys
looked at me anymore and it was making me anxious because I did
not know what people would think when they saw how much weight I
gained. I tried all different kinds of diet pills, snack bars, drinks
or whatever I could find nothing worked. I figured I was just meant
to be fat, that’s the way god wanted it to be and I just had to
deal with it. I stared to fear love. Just the thought of someone
touching me disgusted me or for god sake I would never have sex, being
naked in front of a guy was not going to happen. So I just started living with
the fact that I would be fat and alone and tried to have fun with my friends.
I stared drinking a lot because when I was drunk I could act like the person
I wanted to be not afraid of anything. All my friends were drinking too,
so I t was not a big deal that I wanted to drink everyday over the
summer before 12th grade. When I was drunk everyone was my friend
because I was crazy and stupid the boys wanted me too, not because
they liked me but because I was drunk and they could take advantage
of that. I had a lot of regrets but it all seemed worth it then.
After we all got busted at a party we stopped drinking so much,
I stopped all together. It was good I did not drink but I started
felling horrible about myself. No one wanted to hang out with me
because I guess I was boring sober, guys did not try to get with
me because I was not a sure thing anymore. My anxiety was taken
care of by my pills but my depression got worse. I am now 19 almost
20 years old, in college, working, and the only thing I have come
to terms with is that I don’t need to be drunk for my real friends
to like me. I am still battling with depression, which I believe
I make worse with my negative thoughts of my low self-esteem and
myself. Also in my mind my weight is the cause of all my problems.
Currently, I am taking a doctor prescribed diet pill, which would
be working miracles, but I can’t change my eating habits. I eat
when I am down and that is often. I am still on depression and anxiety
medication too. Which helps me get through each day. I know in order
to change things I must change the way I think and live but I have
no clue how or where to start. I don’t know how to explain the way
I feel to people so no one can help me, they just keeping giving
me refills on my medication. I know I can’t take the pills of ever
but for now I am going to take advantage of them until I figure
out what the hell to do with myself. As for love I am in love with Jeffrey,
he is the one for me. My head knows he will never
be mine but my heart wont let him go. I sometimes wonder what I
am missing out on, not letting anyone get too close to my heart
but if it feels anything like giving up your virginity to a guy
who you have no feelings for at all and does not even call then
I would not be able to handle the pain. What do I do, how do I stop
worrying about the negative things in life and just learn to be
happy for what I have??????????
Hi Kelly,
The first thing you need to do is stop thinking of your weight to the extent you are thinking of it now.I think you know this too.But you dont know how to get started with the thing.
Well,you first need to think only in one direction,no two ways of thinking.You want to make friends,and be social is one direction,and the other direction is worry about your weight.Theres no point in wanting to be social and have friends and then say to yourself you cant do it because of your weight!This is a vicious circle and would result in utter confusion and unhappiness,that you are experiencing right now.So,stop worrying about your weight and think of making friends.Its only when you think of both together,that you fail in both the attempts!
It makes a lot more sense to attempt to make friends rather than trying to lose weight and fail at it.Stop treating yourself with the harsh preconcieved notion that you need to have an hourglass figure to have friends.Theres absolutely no such rule!And stop getting "materialistic" about friendship.At the moment you seem to be confused between friendship and finding a soulmate.I believe that when you begin to expect a "love relationship" in return for friendship,it means you are getting materialistic.A friendship is best returned with friendship and not any other kind of relationship.Expecting anything else in return is getting materialistic.So,you need to first understand what you have to expect out of a friendship.Friendship is one blissful thing on this earth that is based only on nature of teh two persons,and has nothing to do with looks!Ofcourse,friendship can pave way to love....but only in the later stages,and it must be mutual.You cant start off a friendship by expecting "a love relationship" in return.When you do that,its only you who'd be a loser....So,go in steps...first make friends either guys or girls..first make friends!It is the first step towards feeling confident about yourself,rather than being lonely.
As I already said stop thinking that your weight is a hinderance to making friends.For making friends,its only your attitude that matters.Start being more confident,get into groups,talk to people,have a good sense of humour,never show self pity,be warm,helpful and kind,be honest and frank.But to do all this..you need to FORGET THINKING ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT in a negative manner!Only then you can carry confidence and walk into a room of people!Make them want you,by your nature and attitude.So its not your weight that can get you friends,its your attitude that will get you friends.
Begin to understand that your weight is a part of you,and when you dont like the way you look,it means you are not respecting yourself and now low self respect would definitely prevent you from having friends!Only when you are confident to stand up for what you are,(as long as its morally right),you would be a magnet,attracting friends and making people feel nice talking to you.Its the attitude that matters the most!
Start loving yourself;all said and done would you not be happy to be what you are?...the way you are?...so,dont burden yourself with trying to impress people the way they want to get impressed.Have your style and charm and grace...you would certainly stand apart and be one of the most loveable persons around.
Losing weight to gain friends is not the only way to gain friends...and I would say its the most artificial way of getting friends.
Your attitude is the one that will fetch you friends,and eventually a soulmate.And as for Jeffrey,stop thinking you cant get him,be more optimistic,talk to him and be normal;dont coil up to yourself and go on a self pity binge!
As regards your weight,bother only to the extent that you are fit and healthy..nothing more than that.And I am glad you dont drink anymore...certainly a worthy decision.Dont be over anxious about sex...yes what you said was absolutely right.I wish every teenager thought in your lines!Yes,theres no point in having sex with someone you dont love,absolutely no sense in that.Sex for the sake of sex is only a meaningless,painful and insane excercise....and has no meaning whatsoever!Do cotinue with the medication,and by starting to change your ways of thinking,you'd see your dosage tapering!
One last time I'd want to say...start to intensely believe that weight is not a heinderence to friendship..and stop thinking of it anymore...you need to breathe and fill your head with this fact!Believe you can do wonders with any relationship,no matter your weight!With a little change of attitude and thoughts,and by resolving to feel good about yourself and showing more confidence,you can make the difference and find happiness!Good Luck Kelly!
127.
Name:Kellie
City:Georgia
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 01 2002 / 22:06:10
Kellie's Problem:
Hi! Jeez, you must think I'm crazy posting all of
my crap on your site! Sorry to keep bothering you! Anyway, remember
how I said I was running three miles a day? Well, I've cut back
on my eating--I just drink coffee in the mornings and most of the
time just eat a granola bar for lunch. When I get done running every
afternoon, I'll come inside and get on the computer. But I'll start
hallucinating! The background on our computer is clouds, and I'll
hallucinate that they're moving around and getting smaller, which
is REALLY weird. Am I doing something WRONG? Should I eat more before
running, or just ignore the hallucinations? Thanks! (I promise not to bother you so much!:)
Hi Kellie,
Theres no problem if you post even the most "silliest" problem of yours...you can expect a reply!Because no problem is silly...and you need to stop thinking your dumping on me.You can ask or say anything..absolutely no worry!
Well,I already told you that you should not cut down from normal eating.Ofcourse you need to stop over eating if you are doing so..and stop eating between meals!
And the reason for the "clouds to appear moving"...is because you are not having a good breakfast.Breakfast is the most important meal of the day..and you need to give its due importance!Only coffee is no good.You could probably consult a dietician and find out the best breakfast for you!And have normal lunch and dinner.All that I have to say is dont eat between meals and dont starve!Eat normal,and excercise well.Good Luck Kellie!
126.
Name:Anna Veracruz
City:Valley Stream
Sex :Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 01 2002 / 06:08:09
Anna's Problem:
All of my life i had problems with my parents. I've
all ways been stepped on by both of them, since i can remember.
I have tried everthing to make things better but thing just get
worse. I have tried talking to both of them. Together and sperate
and nothing works. They just make fun of me, and that hurts beacuse
i tell them how i feel and it hurts to see that they don't even
take my feelings into consideration. My father use to hit me really
bad i always had buses on my body and my mother would just walk
away like if there was nothing going on. But when i was 16 i met
this guy which helped me alot, i could talked to him and made me
feel hapy. Brfore him i never felt happy. But my parents did not
like him and always talked bad about him, its like thay could not
stand to see me happy. but that is just a very small fraction of
what was going on. My parents kicked me out of the house when i
was 16 because me and my little brother were play fighting and we
explained we were just playing bu they didn't want to hear it. This
was 2 days before thanksgiving. On thanksgigving i had to beg, go
on my knees and ask if i can come back home thay said no it was
better if i satyed with my aunt but my 2 brothers bgged also so
then they said yes. But i know they did want me there. Later on
that year my mother told me to clean the house and left to do some
things and my father came from work bitter and like usal taking
it out on me, but yelling, hitting me. but iwas use to hit by this
point, but it still hurt a bit untill one day he sat me down and
told me that the only reson why our family had problems was becauseI
was born, it i was not born thay would not have problems. It went
on like this ever day . I was never aloud to have friends, nor go
out and play i could only watch out the window. But my brothers
on 8 yrs younger and the other 4 years older then me could do what
ever they wanted and get what ever they wanted. I always tried to
be the most perfect person so they can be proud of me but nothing i
ever did was ever good enough for them unless it benifited them. For
example my art work was being displyed in a museam they really did
not care but untill it was in the newspapers and people were calling
my house about it, then my aprents acted like they cared/ They have
never supported me financially and emotionlly, my older brotherhas
always bwwn there for me. He is my father to me. He deserves that
mane not my real dad. I took school to escaped my problems. I love
school so much it makes me happy. I finally graduated on june 2000
and i was so happy, i aleast thought my parents would show up like
thay did for my older brother's graduation. I thought thay would be
proud because i graduated in the top of my class. not they weren't,
that showed up at the end of the ceromony because "thay had other
things to do" they said. Ithat made me every upset, but i though to
my self thatonce i went to collage everthing would change, but it
didnot.I couldn't go to the collage of my choice which was MIT
beacuse i could not affored it, i had to go to nassau community
collage and work full time to pay for collage. then i went to nyit
to study architecture but i also could not finish one semester
beacuse my parwents kept on getting in the way, i had to take ine
semester of, which was hell for me because scholl was my way out of
my parents house. Then i went to city collage which now im currebtly
attending. I just finished my first year there. I m studing
architecture but my father said that i had to choose school or the
family. if i choose school i have to move out and if i do that i
would not be able to affored school so ethier way i loose, also i
lost my job and im in so much dept and my parents woun't help me,
Im so stressed ii has become over whelming and unbearable. I have
gotten really sick beacuse of this, i feel gotten to end of my rope.
i just want it all to end. and for the guy i met he is not in my life
anymore because of my mother. i don't know what to do. what should i do.
Hi Anna,
You need to stop self-pity first...stop saying things to yourself that mean you are helpless and theres no one for you....and things like..."I always tried to
be the most perfect person so they can be proud of me but nothing i ever did was
ever good enough for them unless it benifited them."...stop this right away!
You know these things could be the truth you are facing,but constantly telling such things to yourself is not a good thing,for your mental well being and peace of mind.Because theres no point in doing this.Start to feel more confident and independent and think of all your achievements and think positive.Never lose hope.Alright?
Now sit down and think.Analyse.Now theres no point if you are not being true to youreself while doing this...because now you are thinking for yourself...so dont let anything else influence your thoughts.You know you have been the nicest person you could be,to your family...by and large.And you have done all that is possible,to let them know how their behaviour hurts you...you have talked to them and still things have not worked.And your father has gone to the extent of saying mean things like you are the cause of all family problems!They dont seem to share the same emotions as yours during your moments of happiness and success and triumphs and achievements.They really dont seem to be bothered about your college education;inspite of you being a bright student who topped her class in school and is interested in studies.
So its always been a more of adjusting and giving from your side and apparently not so much from theirs.So I'd say......this is ENOUGH!All the time they ahve been acting as a negative catalyst to your endeavours...and this needs to end!Its time that you start making your life.Its time that you start thinking about your future and just you and your life.So you have to choose school and move out of your family.Now this is a decision totally left to you,because I do not know the exact social constraints of your place...and what practical difficulties you may face while moving out.But I'd say...moving out is a worthy decision!Somehow you can work it out,a job or something;while you are studying.You just need to be brave and step out of your house with courage and optimism.Start thinking independently.Ofcourse dont leave your house with rage and anger...just move out calmly and you know its benefits in the long run...
This is all that I inferred by reading your problem;keeping you in mind.I wish you best of luck and may you achieve all you want!Good Luck!
125.
Name:Kellie
City:Georgia
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 29 2002 / 20:39:29
Kellie's Problem:
Hi! I want to be on the Cross Country team this year
at school, but want to get in shape and lose at least ten to fifteen
pounds within the next month and a half. I've started running three
miles, and HAVE lost weight (about four pounds). The bad part is
that I eat food whenever I get stressed about something, and trying
to NOT do that has been really hard. I'm 5'6 and weigh 150, so if
I lost at least ten, I would weigh 140. I just don't want to slow
the team down! Any suggestions?
Hi again Kellie,
Its good that you are running three miles everyday.To lose weight you dont have to starve.Eat normal,but regular excercise is a must.Ofcourse over eating,and eating at irregular intervals is not wise.You need to make up your mind for this.You must understand that to gain something you have to sacrifice.So dont over eat and eat everytime you are stressed...thats no way of doing things.Develop self control and have a determined attitude.....a very difficult thing indeed,but you can do it!Good Luck Kellie
124.
Name:Erin
City:Reading
Sex :Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 28 2002 / 17:48:58
Erin's Problem:
Yesterday i was in a horrible car crash. The car is
wrecked completly beyond repair. My friend was driving and i was
the passenger. I'm convinced it was a miracle, neither of us was
even scratched. We walked away perfectly fine while the car was
destroyed and plowed over. Something/someone definitly watched over
us yeterday. We were unbelievably lucky and no one could believe
that we were in that car. I dont know who to talk to but i dfinitly
think this is amazing. It's like we were destined to live, it wasn't
our time, we are going to make a difference. This simple twist of
fate saved our lives. I now have a new outlook on life and I've
come to realize new things. I faced death yesterday, i was so close
yet so far. My guardian angel watched over me. What i want to know
is who she is and how i can find out who she is because i believe she's here with me.
Hi Erin,
Its wonderful to see you alive.....and its even more happy to see that you have learnt something from this experience!Its good that you have stopped to think,at this point in life.Erin you are lucky,your friend too;life gave you that wonderful day.Thank your stars.I bet you must be having more reverence and love for your life,its really nice.If only each of us had some turning point like this in our lives.
Its painful to see the number of youth and teenagers doing drugs,and committing suicide and behaving irresponsibly,and causing wrath not only in their lives but also to others around them;without understanding the value of their lives!If ony they were fortunate enough to have an experience like yours.
Yes,I do believe there was someone who looked over the two of you,given the magnitude of the accident and that you walked away without a scratch.Sometimes,such incidents are really inexplicable....and cannot be logically perceived by humans.Thats when a superior force is believed to exist...call it an Angel,or God....I believe its a force driving us all the time,and is within us all the time,and your own belief that "she's here with you",stands testimonial to this wonderful fact of life.In the end it boils down to being true to yourself,if you want to be true to God,and its believing in yourself if you want to believe in God.Our very own existence is a mystery(am not refering to the physical aspect of our existence)...and the answer is perhaps God.....an energy form.And at times this energy strikes our lives in an inexplicable way,in a way that it manifests in an externally and materialistically perceivable manner,and we are lost for words!This becomes a "miracle".But his energy is always there,all the time.
And when this Angel or God has blessed you with this wonderful brush with death,and you have come to realize several things like value of life,etc. theres a purpose of this incident.Its time that you enlighten your siblings and friends and the youth around you and make them understand the significance of life,and not treat it harshly with drugs or other foolish acts.The Angel wants you to do this....and you are meant to do this...in any small way you can.Love yourself and love your people around.Realize the purpose of your life.Good Luck Erin,glad that your alive!
123.
Name:Patrick
City:Cincinnati
Sex :Male
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 27 2002 / 17:28:23
Patrick's Problem:
Yesterday I got this really ruid e mail from a classmate
stating that I was gay. I am not gay. I know who it is but I do
not know how they got my e mail address. For my protection I changed
my e mail. The next day they find out my new address and they send
me another one. I tried to mail them back but they had fake addresses
that don't exist. I really need an answer to this problem. I won't
let them take advantage of me like that. What should I do?
Hi Patrick,
You really dont have to bother about these stupid mails.Let them do what they want and "have fun".The more you react to them,the more they would do it.When you dont bother and show that you dont care,they wouldnt be interested in doing it anymore.It is only when you react to their mails,you are letting them "take advantage of you".So dont even bother to open these mails,just delete them!You dont even have to take the trouble of making another mail ID....just make sure your password or hint question if any is secure.Good Luck!
122.
Name:Praveen
City:Bangalore
Sex : Male
Age :19
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 26 2002 / 06:11:42
Praveen's Problem:
Hi,
I have taken the CET exam this year(2002), but i have got a
very bad rank. Can i take up CET again next year and not have to
write my PUC board exams again.
Hi Praveen,
Ofcourse you can take up CET(Karnataka) next year,and you dont have to write your PUC board exams again.Your present marks will be considered for next year too.So,this time you can give a better shot at KCET,and improve your rank.Dont lose heart.Hard work and regular work will help you.Good Luck!
121.
Name:Sonali
City:San Antonio
Sex : Female
Age :9
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 25 2002 / 18:15:42
Sonali's Problem:
I really like this guy, and he doesn't really like
me. He likes this other girl, and he doesn't even know how to spell
her name! He always comess to me! What can I do? How can I tell
him that I like him? I don't want to tell him in percon. :-(
Hi Sonali,
You dont have to tell anyone anyhting....at age 9 you really cant even know or understand what it is to like someone...so go and play and make merry under the sun...and study after that!
120.
Name:Jenna
City:_______
Sex : Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 24 2002 / 20:47:02
Jenna's Problem:
I worry CONSTANTLY, about big and small problems.
Sometimes the things I worry about don't even MATTER to begin with.
Everyone always says how tense I am, and how I should "loosen up
a little". I've been getting headaches lately from worrying so much,
and wonder if you have any advice on how to quit worrying and just "chill out." Thanks!
Hi Jenna,
Yes,all of us worry!
We do have to worry a times in life,else things wont work!But,ofcourse constantly worrying is really not required and is not sensible.After all we are human beings and we have the ability to think about what we are worrying.Sometimes these worries act subconsciously and we are too impatient to even stop and think of the cause of the worry!But it constantly affects every act of ours and all that we are doing.
The way not to worry,put in a nut shell is to think for what we are worrying.Thinking about wha we are worrying comprises of the following steps:
1.Stop to think whats worrying you.Find the cause.
2.See how is it(the cause) going to affect you...or rather is it going to affect you at all,in the first place.
3.How much is it going to affect you,in the sense that is it really going to make a huge difference in your life,and see if things can work fine despite the cause of your worry!See if thngs can be manged fine even if something goes a little out of the way!
4.Think of a logical solution process......and act on it!
A lot of times these steps would act simultaneously,and it really isnt such a big process as such,although i've shown it in four steps!
Your aim should be to eliminate your worry in any one of the above four steps.You'd see most of your worries vanish in the second or third step itself,and sometimes in the first one itself!Dont blindly keep worrying......theres no point!Be confident and handle things sanely and sensibly and logically...You'll be a happier person!Good Luck Jenna!
119.
Name:Jennifer
City:______
Sex : Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 24 2002 / 17:44:31
Jennifer's Problem:
All of it started about four years ago when I was
in fifth grade. I was always being teased and made fun of for no
reasons, and always getting my feelings hurt. People who I thought
were my friends turned out not to be, and some guys in my classes
thought they could take advantage of me. I went from being a talkative,
happy, optomistic person to being a overly shy, unhappy, pessimestic
person. I swore never to cry at their remarks, so now I have a lot
of anger built up, and a serious problem trusting people. It's really
hard for me to make eye contact, and when someone even SMILES at
me or looks at me for a long time, it feels like they are making
fun of me. I don't really trust people at my school, either, and
some people I DID trust at school this past year turned out to be
like the others--they ended up doing things to hurt me. I haven't
done ANYTHING to anyone whose ever hurt me, so I don't know WHY
they want to hurt me. How do I overcome my shyness and learn to trust people again?
Hi Jennifer,
Its the sadest state for anyone to be in......not having anyone to trust....but its all in us,not to trust anyone!If at all someone can change your state its you who has to do it.Stop hurting yourself anymore!For this,trust people and like them!If you dont trust people,its you who are losing out,I guess you yourself might have realized this by now.
Stop getting offended when people have fun at your cost.....take it in your stride....you'll know how honoured it is to be the butt of every joke in class!Laugh with them rather than letting them laugh at you.It really doesnt matter if they cut a joke about you.At the same time dont put forth the image of a lose personality.Be good at your studies and talk to everyone with confidence.This would form a wondeful blend of attitudes in you,and make you a wonderful person and see everyone attracted towards you and you would see how they love to be in your company!Let me tell you,when I was in school, I was the jester of the class,and also invariably see my friends cut jokes on me!And I would laugh with the rest of the class.....Its a joy you need to experience,and my life has become far too serious now,and I really miss my school days!Its only in school that you can do such things,and you only need to to look at this thing in a different view...and enjoy!
Dont get easily hurt and offended even if they try to be mean at times.You could politely tell them that it was a bad joke and it hurt you....and still have a smile on your face.Its only when you begin to see everyone as not your friend and that they are here only to hurt you,that you'd coil up to yourself,and end up cutting a sad outlook for yourself.The result is what your seeing now.Stop seeing them with bitterness,become a little more broad minded,be generous with them.Crack jokes and like the people who do it to you!Its how you react to the jokes that matters more than the joke itself!JOKES ARE NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.....THATS WHY THEY ARE CLASSED AS JOKES!
In your new academic session,see people with a new outlook and be the old happy Jennifer that you were!Talk to everyone ad be an extrovert!....Good Luck!
118.
Name:James AN
City:Diamond Bar
Sex : Male
Age :10
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 24 2002 / 05:36:11
James's Problem:
i need a girl that is age 10 that can be my girlfriend.....
Hi James,
You dont need a girlfriend at age 10!........and even if you "need"........its not wise to have one.Have you finished your homework today?Look into that now!
117.
Name:Tiara Thomas
City:St. Louis
Sex : Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 23 2002 / 06:34:23
Tiara's Problem:
what is the "perfect" kiss?
Hi Tiara,
This is not like something defined or anything for it to be perfect...theres more than just the physical aspect of kissing.Its got to do more about what it conveys,rather than kissing for the sake of kissing.A kiss is perfect when it conveys what its intended to.And there are different kisses,in terms of meaning different emotions....and I would say you are a little too young for certain types of kisses!....you know what I mean!
116.
Name:Cali
City:Columbus
Sex : Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting: Jun 23 2002 / 03:50:53
Cali's Problem:
Me and my boyfriend were at the movies last night
right. We were kissin and whatever but when I got home I noticed
I had a hickey on my neck. I've tried a lot of different stuff to
cover it up and hide it so my mom wont see it and get mad. The best
thing I found was putting my hair over it but it's summer and it's
too hot for me to leave my hair down. Do you know of anything that
I could use to cover it up or make it go away faster?
Hi Cali,
A good reason why you should stop going to movies with a "boy friend" and doing "whatever" when your 13.
115.
Name:Derek Rix
City:Kingston
Sex :Male
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 22 2002 / 22:31:52
Derek's Problem:
Thx for the advice. I am still friends and beleive
we became better. i think i am about 70% there. but i found out
she is crushing on my best friend. what do i do now?
Hi Derek,
You are a little too young for a relationship.Stop harping on it and do better things suited for this age...now if you understand and go by what I say,its good for you!Good Luck!
114.
Name:Jeffrey
City:?
Sex : Male
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 22 2002 / 07:12:39
Jeffrey's Problem:
Im going out with this girl and i really really like
her and i think i have feeling for this other girl who but i kno
because lots of things have been happening and i've gotten mad about
things with my gf 2. i dont kno if its a problem or not and i dont kno what 2 do can u help?
Hi Jeffrey,
Stop thinking about having a relationship for the moment.JUST STOP THINKING ABOUT ANY OF THESE TWO GIRLS.Thats all.Absolutely no thoughts.Control your thoughts and dont let them creep into your mind.You cant possibly have two girlfriends,so better not to have both,if you cant really decide.The fact that you have got into a confusing situation like this itself is proof enough to yourself that you are'nt ready for a relationship...this is what happens at age 14!So dont bother..and save yourself from future wrath.Speak to the persons concerned and talk it out politely and get out of all this mess.I know its tough for you to do,but you have to do it!Think of better things like shaping your career or which college you want to go.No relationships at age 14!Good Luck!
113.
Name:Narasimhulu
City:Kharagpur,India
Sex : _________
Age :??
Date/Time of Posting: Jun 21 2002 / 19:14:30
Narasimhulu's Problem:
Iam a student from IIT Kharagur-India,doing M.Tech in
Mechanical Engineering Department.Iam very intension to do Ph.D.
in U.S.,please give me your suggestions.
Thanking you
Hi Narasimhulu,
Its nice that you visited my site.Well,I really dont have much information about doing a PhD in the USA.I am still an undergraduate in Mechanical Engineering,and so I am not in a position to give you any concrete guidance or suggestions.I'd in turn request you to keep me informed if you find an answer to your question.Thanks.Good Luck!
112.
Name:Kellie
City:Georgia
Sex : Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 20 2002 / 19:42:35
Kellie's Problem:
Hi, I'm back! Thanks for the advice about the youth
group thing. I'm having a problem with my ex-boyfriend. He wants
to be more than friends, but I want to stay FRIENDS. He calls me
a lot, which is fine b/c I like him as a friend. The thing is is
that he doesn't have any other friends besides me, and everyone
is mean to him for no reason whatsoever. I want to bring him to
church with me, but I don't want people to criticize him or hurt
his feelings even more. What should I do?
Hi Kellie,
Glad to see you again!
I want to congratulate you for the wonderful person you are....a very good attitude indeed...glad to know you dont treat him like the others...As human beings we must always learn to respect others feelings and treat him or her as a person,and not judge people unreasonably.Upholding someones dignity and ego is a duty,but we often fail in this regard.....and end up hurting someone.Really very glad to know that you are not carried away by what others think of him and that you stood for your thoughts and beliefs and your generosity in this regard is praiseworthy!
Kellie,you need to be complete in whatever you do.Especially when you say that he doesnt have any other friends,you should understand how much you mean to him and so you should be a complete friend.Never ever feel that your doing wrong by having him as your friend just because the rest of the world is treating him bad...the most important fact....they're treating him bad for no proper reason!...So you need to stand up for your beliefs...and if you think hes a nice person...live upto your friendship..without any deficiency.And ofcourse you can take him to church....But to do this you need to be confident about your friendship and be able to appreciate it completely...never think "Am I doing a mistake by befriending this guy"..by keeping peoples viwes in mind...Think for yourself and do your best!Also,you can talk to him if there are any unintentional flaws in his behaviour in general...this would help him get more good friends like you!Good Luck Kellie.
111.
Name:????
City: Concord
Sex : Male
Age : 14
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 18 2002 / 02:02:34
????'s Problem:
i have a g/f and i have a best friend . and my best
friend he's always around my girlfriend and there always doing things
like dancing and he's always holding her or puting his arms around
her and she does the same and he's always touching her in ways i
dont like and picking her up from her feet and always carrying her
around and taking her like that 2 her room and doing things and
he does thins like this all the time.i dont kno what to do so can
u help me out what to do or say to my best friend.thanks u for taking ur time reading this.
Hi ????,
Well,you need to first of all understand that you are a little too young for a relationship...believe me.You may not agree at the moment with me,but you'd realize soon.There are so many factors that go into making a succesful relationship,and these cannot be fully appreciated by you at the moment.For example,I'd say a relationship is more than just physically being together all the time....perhaps you'd disagree...but there are many things like this that you may not appreciate now.If you really want to do sane and act sane....you dont really have to bother about this "relationship" now.Be a good friend to your best friend.Good Luck!
110.
Name:Jessica
City:gnmh,jk.l
Sex : Female
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 17 2002 / 15:59:24
Jessica's Problem:
Ya see, I like my brother's girlfriends' little brother
and I want him to know, but Idon't wanna tell him face to face or
tell my brother or his grilfriend to tell him for me. What should I do?
Hi Jessica,
You have to do nothing...wait for a few more years,and when you are more mature and have a better idea of things,you can probably make a move....you dont have to approach through anyone else..you can do it directly yourself.But not until another 6 or 7 years....anything before that would be foolishness and incomplete.Good Luck!
109.
Name:Tania
City:Flemington
Sex : Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 16 2002 / 21:23:46
Tania's Problem:
Dear Vij,
This is kind of complicated but here goes. I am a junior in
high school and moved from another country 5 years ago. My dad's
company moved him and mom quit hers to come here. When I attended
middle school often I was ridiculed for my different accent, background,
etc. We moved once again to a different town for the high part
and that's where it all began. My freshman year was good as far
as I can remember. My sophomore year, my parents I guess were kind
of stressed. They used to yell at me if my grades were not good
enough--sometimes beat me up about it. For instance if I did not
get a A on a test that one of my friends did. They constantly tell
me I am stupid, good for nothing, and that I have no friends at
school. They tell me I am ugly and mean. My mom blames me for
ruining the atmosphere in the house. This is where I get confused.
About 60 percent of the time they say all those things and then
they are nice to me. Recently I received my Sat scores and they
were not up to my parents’ standards. My parents were furious:
I got a two-hour lecture of how incompetent I was. They compared
to me to some of my other friends, who did quite well, and then
they told me that when they beat me up for not doing as they say
or not getting the scores it was my fault. I was the one that made
them do it. I know that now I talk back to them (no cursing or
anything) because when I was silent I used to get yelled at for
four hours at a time. My father once even came and took away my
bed and stero-player because I was not studying the way I was supposed
to. I have not take them back—I am sick and tired of getting threatened
that they will kill me and things like that. They say they want
the best for me so is that why they are doing this? Is this normal
or is something seriously wrong with me? I don't ask my parents
for money or clothes and I don't get an allowance, so its not like
I am using them. They treat me like this in front of my sister.
She too has started using the same words that my mother uses
to attack me and beats me up when she gets mad. She is stronger
than me so most of time I get hurt and she gets her anger out.
I am really lost and confused and hurt. Is all of this really my
fault or is something really wrong with me? Can you please help--I
am so sorry to bother you with such a long letter but I would appreciate some input. Thanks so much.
Tania
Dear Tania,
Nobody who writes on my site is a "botheration" in any sense,even if he or she writes me a long mail!On the contrary I'd want each one of my visitor to write such a huge one and pour themselves out!Thats what my site is meant for!You are free to write any length Tania....absolutely no harm.And now my reply is gona be a loooooooong one too....!Perhaps the longest I've written....'coz I think i have lots to say.
Most parents get over-anxious about their kids.Some of them show their anxiety and end up acting as a positive driving force to their kids.But some,in their anxiety of seeing the best things happening for their children,end up doing the exact opposite of what they are supposed to do.They over react for every bad performance for yours,every mistake of yours would be blown out of proportions and pointed out,constant pricking and daily nagging!They dont seem to understand that your a human being too,who has the ability to learn from your mistakes.They dont give you a chance to fail...and learn from it!So in the end,you are suffocating and dont even think for yourself.More than anything,you begin to perceive yourself as what they call you day in and day out....they'd probably call you a loser,ugly looker or just anything that hurts you and brings your confidence down!They probably have no idea as to how much every word from them means to you......and how much weight it carries,and how far it would go in understanding yourself and your abilities.The times when you feel the most confident about yourself,would still have a retarder at the bottom,courtesy your parents words' acting as negative catalysts.Because,you are what you believe and you believe what you are made to believe by your parents.Their negative words when showered often,gradually tends to become a belief in the family.They make you believe your a winner,and your one.They make you believe(by constant showering of negative adjectives...) your a loser,and your one!
And all the while its the second one hapening.
They have no idea how to get things in the right way across to you!I dont mean parents should never scold and be tough,but what I am trying to convey is that the constant nagging is a sickening and unhealthy approach,and that certainly is wrong.Certain things like calling you dumb and stupid and ugly are really mean.This doesnt require them to say everyday....once said and its enough to shake your confidence and perception of yourself,for the rest of your life,because its not any person on the road whos saying it,its your parents who are saying!From birth we believe what are parents make us believe....and following this rule of life,you'd believe about yourself keeping in mind what they tell you about yourself!Its unfortunate that some parents are not sensitive to this fact.Theres no point in "About 60 percent of the time they say all those things and then they are nice to me.".....absoultely no point.....because all that they say,acts subconsciously all the time and influences every action and every new challenge that you take up.Even once said,things have their effect.
Theres one thing I can tell you,they dont mean what they say........YES!...now you have to take my word for that!When they call you stupid,dumb or ugly,they dont mean what they say.......YES!Because,your parents are the last people who'd want you to be dumb or stupid or ugly!But why do they say it?Its just their way of dismissing your performance....but it certainly is not a right way of reacting to a bad performance of yours.They really dont know how it affects your confidence and your future performances.If they knew,they wouldnt be doing it.So you dont have to really worry,if they call you stupid or ugly!
So now you know you cant change their approach towards you.Also,you know you are not what they call you to be.Stop using their comments and words as a yardstick to judge your capabilities.First of all get yourself immune to all the negative things that your parents storm you with.Dont let it affect you in any way.This can be done only by a strong belief in yourself,faith in yourself,and a high level of self-confidence.Throw me to the gutter...and I'd rise...should be your attitude.These things dont happen in one day...you need to constantly think and believe in yourself.You are the saviour for yourself!
Theres no problem Tania,'coz ,"You change your thoughts and you change your world!".Now its all in your hands.Dont really have to bother about wrong things said about you.
There are a few things that you need to strongly believe and really breathe and fill your mind with:
1.Your past is no indicator of your future performances...you might have failed,by various parameters of judgements,but it does not mean this is your future..."Failure is an event,not a person".
2.Stop seeking acknowledgement from people for everything you do......be your best judge,put your best effort in evrything,then you dont need anybody's acknowledgement,there's no bigger acknowlegemendt than self-satisfaction...so now you dont have to fear anyone,its all you and yorself...ofcourse being true to yourself is not an easy task....chances of taking liberty with yourself is high,and you need to work on it.
3.Be more determined in all your endeavours.....push yourself a little beyond your comfort zone of working,be it physical or mental....only then you'd see results.If theres someone on this earth with whom you have to deal tough...its yourself!
4.Spend time for hobbies,and relaxation.
5.Set moderate and really achievable targets and goals.Setting huge targets would invariably result in not achieving them leading to a negative flow in yourself.On the other hand,completion of a target would set your confidence soaring!
6.There are two reasons known to me for not acheiving a set target.As I already said,the first reason is because of setting impracrictical targets,targets which cant be done in the available time.The second and the most important and most common reason is plain laziness.
7.Laziness is the biggest killer....things coming under this are procrastination and development of aversion towards what your doing in the long term.IF you dont acheive small targets,the bigger ones are not achieved,and you end up seeing a huge pile of work left,causing lack of motivation....;and now theres nothing worse than guilt that would grind you!
Tania,dont worry about your old scores and bad performances.See how much you have learnt from them.People who have never failed in life can fail,but people who have will never fail."Experience is one thing that you cant get for nothing"...be happy for everything thats happened to you.Dont hate your parents for what theyre doing,learn to be tolerant,,.....and think for yourself.If you wana shout back at them,let your marks do it...
Another thing you should know is that as student your gona be judged only by your scores..so you have to respect that,and honour it....!This is the way the world works....so give your best shot!
And physical fighting with your sister,is a boon!.....dont really take this seriously....every bro/sis pair fight....and its fun!...(stick to limits with respect to physical damage though!...haha!)
You can always come back to me Tania,its been a pleasure wrting this long reply to you!Good Luck!
108.
Name: Joelle
City: The Brooks
Sex : Female
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 16 2002 / 18:49:51
Joelle's Problem:
My friend likes this boy in my class. I used to like
him 2 years ago and she know that already. But what she dosent know
is that I like him now. SHe just graduated from my school yesterday
too. so she might not even see him any more but I dont know what
to do. tell her? tell him? or.... I dont know. HELP!!!!!
Hi Joelle,
You dont have to tell anyone anything......wait and win!....concentrate on anything but this issue,for the moment!...believe me its the best thing you can do for now.Theres no way things can work out sanely....so wait and give time a chance.Dont mess up things by any of your actions in this regard.Good Luck
107.
Name:Erica
City:NYC
Sex : Female
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 16 2002 / 18:46:51
Erica's Problem:
There is this guy in my class. And he likes me. SO
of course he asked me to go out with him and I said no because first
of all i'm not allowed to go out with boys and I dont even think
i'm ready to. so i told him this and he says that no one has to
know and stuff. but he dosent act like he likes me. He dosent call
me, and he doesnt IM me when he comes on and he doesnt even talk
to me when i'm at school. one of my friends told me that he is doing
this to see if i'm interested in him. Or to get me to be the one
to get him to go out with me. And I would go out with him because he is real nice but still...
What should i do?
Hi Erica,
Ok if he's treating you bad,probably you deserve it.Sorry for sounding bad!
Now you need to have a steady mind and decide whether you want to go by "....first
of all i'm not allowed to go out with boys and I dont even think
i'm ready to......" or go around with him.Theres no two way of working out things.You have to do one of them.And really have to stop doing what your doing now.Its not that you dismiss him when he comes to you by giving your reasons and later blaming him for not asking you out.
Now I would say you dont have to jump into a relationship so soon,theres lots of time and lots of things to consider....the idea of going around is a fashion,but all fashions need not be adopted....think for yourself!Dont fall under pressure form friends or let external factors affect you.Make your own decision...I'd say its not wise to have a relationship at 12!Good Luck!
106.
Name:Craze
City:Gary
Sex :Female
Age :10
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 29 2002 / 20:39:29
Craze's Problem:
I always get onto fights with my parents and t feels
like they dont understand me. Sometimes I feel like they hate me. What should I do?
Hi Craze,
There is no need to get into fights with your parents.You could avoid this by just blindly following what they ask you to do.You need to heed to their words atleast till you are mature enough to handle your issues all by yourself...and thats a long way from now!Let me assure you that they dont hate you.....you are the most precious possession to them on this planet!Ofcourse you are free to discuss and differ with them..but you need to listen to them and go by what they say,because at age 10,you really dont have the experience and knowledge to manage yourself.Good Luck!
105.
Name:Joe Carbone
City:Sewell
Sex : Male
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 15 2002 / 01:30:57
Joe's Problem:
There are alot of sexy girls in my school, they are
probably some of the most beutifal girls in the state. i dont love
them but i think about them like in sexy ways. i say i dont love
them and other kids say im stupid because i like this one girl diana
and not the exotic girls who look sexy . they weartight clothes
like they want to show most of us wut were missin out on. how do
i focus on the girl i really lik,diana
Hi Joe,
You dont have to focus on anyone for the moment,....focus on your studies,and hobbies and sports!You just need to take my word and blindly follow what i said...believe me,you'd thank yourself if you do this!Diana will not run away anywhere,though!Things just cant work out at the moment....so dont mess up.Write to me after 4 years telling me if I made sense to you!I mean it.Good Luck!
104.
Name:Joe Carbone
City: Sewell
Sex : Male
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 15 2002 / 01:23:50
Joe's Problem:
i really really like this girl in my class and i dont
think she likes me too much. Ive been askin my friends to ask her
out for me. Shes sed no every time. What should i do to make her
at least make her think of me as a good friend.
Hi Joe,
"What should i do to make her at least make her think of me as a good friend."...........hmmm you need to be a good friend for her to think of you as a good friend.....now stop to think what I just said.Have no intentions of material outcomes in mind...and be a good,nice,friendly friend.Do do nice things to her anticipating a "relationship" for return.....if you wana be a good friend.Good Luck.
103.
Name:Kristen
City:Fenton
Sex :Female
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 14 2002 / 20:05:44
Kristen's Problem:
I really REALLY like this guy his name is kevin and
there is this girl named
courtney that sits next to him so i asked her if she
would try to get him to
like me and she said sure. well that was the wrong
thing to do because now
courtney and kevin are flirting and that is my dream
guy i like him a lot and
i have liked him for 4 years. now we are out of
school and will be starting
middle school next year but i really think someone
will like him. i don't
want anyone to steal the guy of my dreams
please gimme some advice i need major help
Kristen L.
Hi Kristen,
Ok,"major help" is like this.........If you really like him,why dont you go and talk to him..after all he's your classmate.So talk to him,and get to know him and get him to know you.Anyway,you need to stop getting obsessed about him,if your obsessed.Dont over react the moment you see him...and feel lost for words.Have self control and handle it maturely.If you cant do it,no problem.....you need to wait.It'd be a better idea at a later date.......perhaps after a few years.But I dont see anything that prevents you from just talking to him.Good Luck!
102.
Name:Kaylee
City:Brunswick
Sex :Female
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 13 2002 / 22:01:31
Kaylee's Problem:
I'm having this get together with some of my friends.
I don't know what to do at the party. Could I have some advice on
what to do and what to serve.If not do you know any websites that
tell some tips on girls parties. PLEASE WRITE A.S.A.P!
Hi Kaylee,
I hope your party is not over by the time you read this....anyway it'd always hopefuly help you in future parties!
Never get obsessed about your clothes or the perfume or whatever.Take pains to dress up the best,look presentable and fresh.Dont really have to be very different from your usual self...be normal.Have lots of fun.....talk to everyone in the place...crack jokes,play pranks(not ego hurting or material damaging ones!).If you wana serve some food or something..serve soemthing nice and delicious and fresh.......and see if you can serve something that you made!.....Make things interesting...
I hope this would make a good party!Good Luck.
101.
Name:Erin
City:somewhere
Sex :Female
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 11 2002 / 23:34:31
Erin's Problem:
I met this guy about a wk ago.At the time I liked
his friend.I ended up getting his friends # but talk'n to him.We
both talk for a while on the phone & both have said we liked each
other.Up until Fri. he had a g*f* who I knew.Fri. night while I
was there she dumped him.The whole night he kept flirting w/ me
& the on;y thing was his friend{not the one from b4} liked me &
the guy was try'n to hook us up......but I kept say'n I didn't think
so.Me & the guy who was try'n to hook-up w/ me ended up dance'n
slow.After we did the other guy was pissed off.When he was sitt'n
down all mad I went over & sat down by him & we frenched.his friend got mad.
The thing is this kid & me talked the night after on the phone
& said that when he kissed me that was him ask'n me out & when I
kissed back that was me say'n yes.I was soooooooooo tottally happy!
The reall prob. of this whole thing is we got into a fight
on the phone cuz he said I couldn't tell anyone that we were go'n
out & at sk8 {where the b*f*'s & g*f*'s dance}
we couldn't act or tell anyone we were go'n out.I got really mad
cuz I felt like everything was over.I told him I didn't like the
idea or anything cuz I wanted a b*f* who I could be all over & like 24/7.
He said he had to go & he called me back later & said that
we could let them figure it out at sk8 next time.The only thing
is I feel really crappy.I keep wondering about that other guy who
was try'n to hook-up w/ me & if its too late.I haven't talked to
the guy I'm supposably go'n out w/ since yesterday.I don't know
how to feel.One day I'm tottaly obsessed the next I feel like crap!
Pleaze help me! I don't know what to do cuz deep down I think
I'll still like him.It just doesn't feel right. Well TTYL{Talk to you Later} *Erin
Hi Erin,
You really need to get out of this whole mess of crap.........your just not ready for a relationship,nor are those guys...because you dont seem to be knowing what your doing.For you its seems to be a matter of prestige,more than anything else,to have a boyfriend.And these guys are really confused too.So let things settle down with time.Your world wouldnt end.You'd always find a better guy in future after a few years....and by then you would be more mature and logical in your approach.So dont worry,dont feel bad....if I say dont bother about the guys right now.Sounds really harsh and rude,but believe me youd make sense out of these lines later,if you follow what I said.Good Luck!
100.
Name:Emmie
City: Chicago
Sex : Female
Age : 16
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 11 2002 / 04:17:51
Emmie's Problem:
I have been really good friends with this guy ever
since he came to my school at the beginning of eighth grade. We
became the best of friends almost instantly; we just clicked. Even
when we became part of a larger school as freshman, the two of us
remained really close and hung out fairly often. Our mutual friends
would tell us that we would be a cute couple, etc., etc., but we
never thought twice about it. Anyway, I recently realized that
I have feelings for him that go beyond friendship. Sometimes I
think that he feels the same way, but I'm not positive. I am deathly
afraid to ask him because I don't want things to become awkward
if he does not feel the same way. What should I do?
Hi Emmie,
You really need to wait.Sometimes we end up doing things hastily,because of pressure from friends......who are perhaps just waiting to watch and have soem nice fun.After all this is your life,and you need to decide.Ofcourse a suggestion from a very close friend would be immensely valuable.But still,you need to be slow and steady.Dont jump into things.Perhaps this is one of the most important decisions,and so you need to be really patient.Get to know him better,and see if you can really get along well on a long term basis.He should have sound plans and for the future and equally respect your dreams and aspirations.This is just one of the many aspects you need to look into,so make a sane decision.You should regard all feelings towards him with equal weightage,while making a decsion,i.e, considering things that you like and dont like about him.Theres no point in a 6 month relationship....You still have time,so be slow and patient.Good Luck....and make a good decision.
99.
Name:Kaylee
City:Brunswick
Sex : Female
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 11 2002 / 01:33:40
Kaylee's Problem:
Hi! its me again!i love your advice!well heres my
problem:my mom and dad know im getting more mature and they know
i want to keep up with everything,fashion,friends,partys,etc. well
i keep saying i want to get allowance. well they said yes but ive
been doing chores for almost 2 weeks now! i want to get clothes
from all these awesome stores, but i feel bad to just ask my mom
or dad for money, because i always think we may not have enough
for bills or for my two other siblings.but theres just so much i
want! how can i earn money.could you send this to my brother and
sister @ remkids3@aol.com!thank you so much!Kaylee<3 :)
Hi Kaylee,and her brother,and her sister,
Its very nice that you understand the problems that your parents may face,if they might have to get you all the things that you want from all the "awsome stores"!Now as long as you understand this,theres no problem.Its natural that as teenagers you'd want to have trendy things and wear fashionable clothes.But you need to do all this within the limits of your parents' affordability.The best you could do is to buy the things that are nice and also dont hit your family bidget.For this,sometimes,you really have to make a compromise...theres no other go.About earning money,you could earn money by doing summer jobs,if there are any,or constantly look into classifieds and make some worthwhile decisions.I really cannot talk about this because I dont know the exact "how things work" of Burnswick.
But theres one thing you really need to do.Always stand up for your family,and your parents.They may not be able to afford you the most expensive clothes or things like that.But what would set you apart is to be yourself and never be pretentious....never try to hide your family circumstances,with your friends....in the sense that.....if you cant afford something,stand up for your family and say,"We cant afford this........".Some of your friends may mock at you...but soon they'll respect you for what you are.It would show your self respect,and dignity.Its any day better than saying something false......and later trying to cover it up....etc.After all most of them would be sailing in the same boat as yours,but wouldnt dare to speak for their family circumstances.....So you make the difference.And when you do this,you'd see a marked difference in your worries.....you'd stop worrying for things like this,and be much more peaceful.
You are old enough to clearly know what your family can afford and what it cant.So you need to behave accordingly.Make reasonable demands from your parents.......if at all you have to make.And about allowances,you surely can ask for tiny ones,and save for the rainy day......
You should understand that one fine day you will surely be in a better financial position than now,and you can afford all that you dream.Good Luck Kaylee,and her bro and her sis.
98.
Name:Lyn
City:Indy
Sex : Female
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 11 2002 / 00:33:36
Lyn's Problem:
Ok hi I have a 2 part problem ok 1. One of my friends
friends said she wants to kill her self .... They act like it is
no big deal she realy means it i think she would kill her self...
She says she thinks about killing her slef every day... ok are u
read for the 2nd part ??? ok i think i MAY be depersed but i am
not sure .... i dont want to say anything to anyone i am to ambassed
!!! and i dont have a guidce concler or any thing plese help me
Hi Lyn,
The first thing you need to do is to talk to your parents,about all the insecurities that you have.You really need to do this.They would help you out.If you cant....atleast try talking to your teacher or any other adult in person,with whom you feel secure and close.And your friend's friend needs to see a counsellor in person and get help.As a responsible friend you need to talk to her,and see if you can help her out...aor atleast tell the matter to her parents,if shes really going out of control.
97.
Name:Bob
City:NY
Sex : Male
Age : 14
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 08 2002 / 03:36:00
Bob's Problem:
How to u get a girl?
Hi Bob,
Be yourself......and stop being over anxious about getting a girl,if you are so!
96.
Name: Heather
City:doesn't matter
Sex : Female
Age : 16
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 06 2002 / 15:26:05
Heather's Problem:
My friends acted like they were my friend in school
now it is summer but they only call me when they are bored and just
yesterday my friend sam called and she sad she would call me
back if she got bored. I know this sounds like I'm making it
up but I'm not. It just confuses me I mean if they don't want to
be my friends during the summer why do they act like
my friends during school?
Hi Heather,
You dont seem to appreciate the fact that your friends called you when they get bored......thats exactly what they are supposed to do.I mean their telling that they called you because they got bored itself is an indicator that they thought of you,and called you to have some fun.Perhaps even I'd call a friend when I get bored.I may or may not be right,in saying the following.....it seems that you have interpreted the whole thing in a wrong way.....that they find you boring.Ofcourse not.They called you up 'cause they found you interesting and to get rid of their boredom.What else do you want them to do?Perhaps you should call them back too.And meet them or something,if any of them stay close by.Have fun!Good Luck!
95.
Name:Molly
City: Baltimore
Sex : Female
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 04 2002 / 22:11:59
Molly's Problem:
OK here it is. A guy named pat, who i USED to have
a crush on, wants to ask me out. The only problem is, I have a crush
on someone else, Who according to every one else, likes me. What Should i do?
PS I cant decide
Hey Molly,
You dont really have to make a decision.You are confused,when you have more than one "crush".So its better to have them at equal distances.......and not really act on it!Some things in life are better left alone.....so dont bother!Good Luck,and may you find a soulmate with a relationship that has a strong and serious foundation.
94.
Name:Mac K
City:Apex
Sex : Male
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 04 2002 / 06:22:53
Mac's Problem:
when i try to talk to a female she just goes a way.
And my dad things that i should do all the things that he did to
get my mom. Should i do what he did
Hi Mac,
Hmmmmmmmm what did he do to get your mom?Now i dont know this.All I can say is that stop trying to impress the opposite sex deliberately,because the moment you start doing this,it does the exact opposite of what you expect.So be yourself,and be honest in whatever you do.And if someone doesnt wana talk to you,dont bother!ITs not the end of the world!Its hard to take it,but you know it makes a lot of sense,and is good for your mental health!Good Luck.
93.
Name:Mike Tamba
City:Medina
Sex : Male
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 04 2002 / 03:15:00
Mike's Problem:
There is a girl at school that I have liked ever since
I have laid eyes on her, but I am not the best looking guy and she
says she just wants to be friends but her friends say that she talks
about me and that she kinda likes me. I don't know what to do.
She has me so confused. The only thing I do during class is look
at her and every once and a while I catch her looking at me, so what should I do
Hi Mike,
You dont really have to be the best looking guy for someone to like you.Looks do matter,but its just one of the things,and sometimes it may not even be considered.Its the person you are,and its you as a person whos gona be liked.Relationships that start off with looks as a criterion,often dont last long!And one good thing about looks is that you really cannot generalize or categorize soemone as goodlooking or bad looking.......its all in the beholders viewpoint.There may be a majority of people finding someone goodlooking,but theres also at the same time quite a handful not finding the same peron goodlooking,as others do....and vice-versa.You really dont have to bother much about looks.Being clean and hygenic and well groomed is one thing you should try to do....!Thats all.
92.
Name:IaBr
City:Atlanta
Sex : Male
Age : 14
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 03 2002 / 23:17:33
IaBr's Problem:
My father says that the chances of my NBA dreams are
not good.AT ALL. But coaches and pro-players see potential in me.
They think i have what it takes. Please help me understand y he
thinks this and what can i do to understand his reason being.
Hi IaBr,
Theres nothing called "chances of NBA dream"......its only a choice,no chance.If you make the right choice,you get the chance....
We all face this in our lives;theres something within us that strongly indicates taht we can acieve what we want to,but external factors dont seem to be conducive...be it your dad,or anything else.All you can do is to plead your dad,to let you take up the coaching etc....really beg him perhaps.....without causing damge to your mainstream studies.......atleast for the moment your mainstream would be you studies....in your dad's eyes.You need to believe in yourself and dare to want it madly enough,make it your obsession(obsession in a healthy way....which means dedication and being true to yourself).Live upto the expectations of your coach and friends,and one fine day when you stand on top of the world,your dad would pat your back!Never let negative forces and criticism damage your self-confidence,especially if it comes from your dad....it would certainly lower your confidence,but slowly learn to overcome this....and keep the faith.And think positive no matter how much someone discourages you.
As to why your dad is doing this despite the confidence of your coach,perhaps he wasnt allowed to follow his passion in his childhood,and this has caused an insecurity in him,resulting in him getting "overcautious",and overanxious about you.Dont get easily offended by his words....take it in stride....but know what your doing,and do it with morality!Good luck friend.........may our dreams come true......you just need to want it badly enough to get it!Thats all it takes.
91.
Name:Derek Rix
City:Kingston
Sex : Male
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 03 2002 / 22:46:44
Derek's Problem:
There is this girl i really like named Jennifer. Right
now we are friends. She has a boyfriend. My friends have been taunting
me and by accident I said i don't like her like her any more and
she found out. What do I do now?
Date/Time of Posting: Jun 03 2002 / 22:56:47
Oh and also i forgot to tell you. I don't talk to
her much because i get really nervous.
Hi Derek,
See if you can still be friends,and be normal.......dont over react.Have diversions like reading and pursuing some hobby,rather than thinking of her.
90.
Name:Anonomous
City: Chicago
Sex :Female
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting: Jun 03 2002 / 21:37:43
Anonomous's Problem:
I like my friends boyfriend and he likes me more so
what should i do cause i am totally diggin him and he is totally
diggin me! My friend is prude and i'm not and i don't know what to do!! Please help me! Thanx
Hi Anonomous,
You are encroaching.This is what I'd probably say,........encroaching into their relationship...and for all you know this is just a passing phase,because you are too young to deal with it.So just leave it,and be a good friend to your friend.Confess to your friend the feelings you had,and now make up your mind to be sane.
89.
Name:Jordan Truxton
City:Utica MI
Sex : Male
Age : 15
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 03 2002 / 01:57:13
Jordan's Problem:
I do not know how to get a girlfriend?and I'd like to know
how to get one
Hi Jordan,
To get a girlfriend be yourself and be sane!Start to atleast partially believe that you dont have to be in a relationship to feel or make you complete.Work on this fact...Theres no particular material way of getting a girlfriend...Good Luck!
88.
Name:Kellie
City:Georgia
Sex :Female
Age : 15
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 02 2002 / 20:34:11
Kellie's Problem:
I am an EXTREMELY SHY person and I don't want to be
one. It's weird because I talk nonstop at school but at youth activities
at my church and when talking to adults (even ones I know) I just
get REALLY nervous and start shaking and sweating and stuff. I want
to overcome this and become more outgoing, especially when I'm around
the youth group, because they are really great people. How do I do this?
Hi Kellie,
Read self improvement books....there might be a section of these books in a bookstore near you.Dont have the fear of being judged.A lot of times we walk around with this fear.But if we stop to think,there really is no reason for this fear....so you can get rid of this inexplicable fear!But sometimes we do find a reason...at such times,analyse the gravity of the mistake,and act sane.Sometimes the reason for the fear is past mistakes...that subconsciously govern your thinking.So,as long as you have learnt from the mistake,you need not worry.So you need to stop and think......everytime.Read good books,newspapers and novels.....you'd learn a lot of things,and become a mature person.All your fears and anxieties would be gone.Never deliberately do wrong.....this would ward off guilt,and in turn your fears...and in turn your low self-confidence.Also never confront your elders with the view that they are there only to punish you......they love you a lot....You need to change your misconceptions,if you have any.
87.
Name:Brittany
City:Mt Juliet
Sex : Female
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting: Jun 02 2002 / 01:46:03
Brittany's Problem:
My mom is one of those types of people who constantly
yells at me and my brother,sometimes there is no reason to be yelling.
My brother is to the point of walking out, and i used to think about
running away but then i thought that it would be useless. I have
been wanting to live with my dad for along time now but he doesnt
have custody of me and he doesnt have enough money to let me move
in with him. Living here with my mom is driving me crazy. I need
some help,and im clueless as to what to do to help me get through
all this. My friend Russell is helping me alittle bit but sometimes
i need sometimes i feel like im bothering him about stuff that he
doesnt want to know about. He told me i could come to him for anything
but i dont want to bother him. Please help me im so stressed out
about all this yelling and its driving me crazy.
Hi Brittany,
"....but then i thought that it would be useless."
Yes Brittany,your absolutely right!Theres no point in running away from home.Its very common that moms or dads yell at you very often....and sometimes for very trivial reasons.And you too are going through one such trial.That certainly would not be solved by running away from home.You should first understand that you are not alone....and stop the self-pity binge,if your doing so.
What you could best do is to stop comparing your mom with other moms....not for her good but for your own good,...your own mental peace.Every family has its ups and downs.....you just need to accept the situation and shape yourselves suitably.You cannot just break open a shell and come out and say you are out of all this.This is life,and you need to make compromises.
Another thing that I always say is that the other person's attitude is often derived from ours.You must understand this golden rule and never forget it for the rest of your life.It would take you a long way....with all the relationships that you would come across,be it the shop keeper or your teacher...or anyone!As far as possible dont yell back at your mom.After all she'd be yelling at you because she's not peceful or something might be troubling her.......and is probably letting out her frustrtions on you and your brother.You could also sit and talk it out for her.
Russel......your friend is a blessing to you.As human beings its always nice to have someone by our side,in times of despair.And you shouldnt deny yourselves this luxury.We all need friends.....and need to let out our feelings to them.Now,Russel seems to be understanding....and has also let you know that its ok to talk to him.So could you get more fortunate?Stop feeling that your dumping on Russel.Share your problems and things with him.Talk to him.You'd feel a lot more better.
Going and living with your dad....well,this is neither in my hands nor in yours!Just pray......perhaps you could meet him in the weekends or something.Good Luck!
86.
Name:Rachel
City: Boston
Sex : Female
Age : ??
Date/Time of Posting: Jun 02 2002 / 01:29:24
Rachel's Problem:
i cant tell if this guy realy likes me or not my friends
tried asking him and i got different answers and he said to me no
but i think he is lying because he is extreamly nice to me most
of the time. Right now i am writing hi a note asking him one on
one to find out the truth, But what do u have to say. HELP.
Hi Rachel,
If things just dont seem to work,especially with relationships,you dont have much choice.Its really not wise to force yourself on him,or persuade him to like you,even after he's said "no".Even if things "click",after your persuation,it may not be a smooth relationship.And just because he seems to be " nice" to you.....it doesnt mean he has "feelings" for you.Dont bother,perhaps you have better things in store for you.Dont live for the moment,and keep thinking of only this,you might always find a better guy,in future!Good Luck!
85.
Name:Sarah
City: Anaconda
Sex : Female
Age : 14
Date/Time of Posting: Jun 01 2002 / 20:07:25
Sarah's Problem:
I am in 8th grade, and my grades are a biggest problem.
My parents said if I dont get them up I wont be able to do anything
this whole summer, or go to highschool next year. and the stress
just keeps building up everyday it gets closer to the end of this
school year. So I have been so stressed that on the weekends I would
get drunk and now I have been grounded because I came home late
after youth group one monday. and i've tryed so hard to bring my
grades up but they are not. And now i find myself stressed over
a boy and i've been depressed because he's got a girlfriend now.
But I thought that was the only reason i was depressed but its not,
Im not getting along w/my mom right now. I feel like shes not my
mother sometimes and I cant talk to her. One of my biggest dreams
is to go to college hoops. But ive been to depressed, the other
day i went to open gym and my coche asked me if i was alright and
my game needs to improve but it cant till i stop being so depressed.
But when i go o;ut side and i dont have the energy or just thinking
about other things. It gets me sader. I just need sum advise.
Hi Sarah,
Getting drunk and going crazy is adding fuel to the fire,this is no way of treating yourself.....absolutely foolish and cowardly!Stop thinking about the guy.start telling yourself every night before going to bed,"I dont need the guy"....and never stop to think of him ever,for the whole next day.factors affceting your success are easily expecting things to happen and over attachment to results,but not working toward what you want.And when you dont get it,you end up feeling bad.Cange your ways,be more self-disciplined and determined.Sincerely want whatever you want,and give it your best shot.Good Luck!
84.
Name: Kachiri
City: Las Vegas
Sex : Female
Age : 14
Date/Time of Posting: Jun 01 2002 / 18:26:41
Kachiri's Problem:
I high & low self-eestem so i'm kinda in the middle
of things. What can you do to reduce grief is what I ask myself
day by day.
Hi Kachiri,
A very plainly stated problem.I wish you had been a little more specific as to what exactly is troubling you....or what is the cause of your worry.I'll try my best,though!
Self esteem,is one thing every human being should possess,preferably on the higher side.Well,a lot of us confuse self esteem with ego.But they are completely different attributes.Self esteem is something one must posses.It means more of self-confidence,self-respect and self-worth.This is very important for an individual.Most of self-esteem is governed/derived by our acts.So its very important that we do right,moral and ethical things to the best of our ability.
Reduce grief?Well,stop worrying and start thinking.Its really not wise to "cry over spilt milk",or to worry about certain things that are not in our hands.The best you can do is to learn from the past(...we are blessed with he greatest gift;memory!).Try to find out a logical reason as to how things went wrong.That way you would have sort of justified what has happened,and also learnt from the past.All of us make mistakes.Learn to forgive yourselves,and others....Be true to yourself whenever you sit down to analyse something that has gone wrong.
Kachiri,this is a rather general thing that I ahve spoken about.If you still find deficiency in what I have said or if you could write to me what exactly is causing you grief,dont hesitate to write back.Good Luck!
83.
Name:Ryan
City: College Town
Sex : Male
Age : 19
Date/Time of Posting: Jun 01 2002 / 11:14:17
Ryan's Problem:
first off i am going to be a sophomore in college.
my problem is that i have these two really good friends, geff and
jenn. We all decided to get an apartment together for the next school
year. The problem is that lately Geff and Jenn have been fooling
around. They fooled around before last fall but just last week have
started back up again. They arent official or nothing but are headed
down that road. now i dont have a problem with them being together
b/c they are really good friends w/ each other. and they are a good
couple. its just that to have to live with them i think would be
tough on me. I dont want to be the man in the middle during fights
and the odd man out when they are together. I already considered
living by myself but i cant afford to. I talked to them and i gave
my word that i would be their roommate. I am not going to break
my word so i just want some suggestions on what to do when they
are in those fight/together situations and how to approach them
when talking about their relationship.
thanks. that was a little long i hope you dont mind.
Hi Ryan,
Well,no it wasnt long......dont worry!....u can write as much as you want.
Ok first of all,you really dont have to feel uncomfortable;as long as Geff and Jenn have invited you to stay along with them.This would work symbiotically for three of you in terms of financial aspects.You could confirm again with them that its no problem if you stayed along with them.
And with regards to their fights/no-fights situation,you can be normal.You dont have to over react.You could always try going to another room or do somrthing like that,after all this wouldnt be a daily affair for you to put up with.The question of whether you can inetrfere or not,is a very circumstantial issue.It really depends on the subject of discussion and you know best to interfere or not!You really dont have to feel left out or low when they are having a good time together....try being more broad minded....for all you know you might always land up with a girl for yourself.So I dont see any serious clashes or problems in your stay together.Still,if you find it inexplicably uncomfortanle staying with them,you can politely put things across to them and find yourself another friend with whom you can stay.Good Luck!
82.
Name:Samuel Price
City: Fairmont
Sex : Male
Age : 15
Date/Time of Posting: May 30 2002 / 00:58:13
Samuel's Problem:
My problem is that I still have feeling for my ex-girlfriend
and even though I have a new girlfriend but My ex and I still talk
and i catch myself thinking about her and Feel Like crap whenever
I do though how can i just forget about her?
Hi Samuel,
First know what you want.Think for yourself,who do you really like.Its really mean and selfish to have feelings for both of them....I know its tough to be in a situation like this.But you need to draw a line and decide for yourself.Dont let unnecessary factors like mistakes done by them or any of your selfish motives(if any) to creep in and influence your decisions.If you still cant make a decision,its wise to not have a girlfriend at the moment......you just arent ready for it!Theres always tomorrow.Good Luck!
81.
Name: Errol
City: _______,Australia
Sex : Male
Age : 19
Date/Time of Posting: May 29 2002 / 06:01:28
Errol's Problem:
DEAR SIR,
I AM DESPERATELY IN NEED OF A GOOD ADVICE OR SUPPORT, TO MY PROBLEM WHICH IS, LOVE!!!
THIS MAY SOUND SILLY TO YOU, BUT THIS IS THE REALITY. MYSELF AND
MY COUSIN SISTER, FROM MY MOM'S SIDE, ARE IN LOVE. WE LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH.
WE HAVE 2 MAJOR PROBLEMS, THAT CREATE A BARRIER BETWEEN OUR RELATIONSHIP.
FIRSTLY, I HAVE TOLD MY PARENTS ABOUT THIS LOVE ISSUE WITH MY COUSIN
AND THEY HAVE NO OBJECTIONS TO THIS. BUT MY COUSIN, WHOM I LOVE,
HAS TOLD HER PARENTS ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP AND THEY HAVE REFUSED
TO THIS. THEY BELIEVE THAT COUSINS CANNOT GET MARRIED. THEY FEEL
THAT OUR LOVE IS FAKE. THIS WAS 2 MONTHS AGO. MYSELF AND MY COUSIN
HAD NOT KEPT IN TOUCH FOR THOSE 2 MONTHS, UNTIL YESTERDAY. I RECEIVED
A MAIL FROM MY COUSIN AND SHE SAYS THAT SHE WANTST O TRY THIS OUT
AGAIN. SHE WANTS TO TELL HER PARENST ONE MORE TIME THAT SHE LOVES
ME. SHE WANT TO CONVINCE THEM THAT OUR LOVE IS TRUE. ALL I WANT
TO KNOW FROM YOU SIR IS, IS SHE DOING THE RIGHT THING? WOULD YOU
ADVICE HER TO GO AHEAD OR SIT BACK AND SUFFER ALL HER LIFE WITHOUT ME????
SECONDLY, WE BOTH HAVE HEARD THAT, IF WE BOTH COUSINS GET MARRIED,
AND IF WE ARE BOUND TO HAVE A CHILD, THEN THAT SHILD WILL HAVE PHYSICAL
OR MENTAL DISORDERS. THIS IS BECAUSE ARE GENES WILL CAUSE A PROBLEM.
IS THIS TRUE? IS THIS THE REALITY? I'VE ALWAYS BELIEVED THAT, IF
COUSINS FROM THE FATHERS SIDE GET MARRIED THEN THESE PROBLEMS ARISE
TO THE CHILD. BUT WITH COUSINS GETTING MARRIED FROM THE MOTHERS
SIDE, THEN NO SUCH PROBLEMS ARISE. AM I RIGHT OR WRONG??
HOPING THAT YOU WILL REPLY TO MY QUESTIONS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
AS WE BOTH ARE ANXIOUS TO KNOW THE REALITY AND ALSO WHAT OUR FUTURE STANDS FOR US BOTH.
THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE.
YOURS SINCERELY,
ERROL
Hi Errol,
I always keep saying this.No problem posted to me is silly or less important in anyway.I treat all problems posted on my site with equal regard,respect and importance!So Errol you can post anything to me,and expect a reply.
I would have been in a better position if only you had written if your cousin is a first cousin or a second cousin.Anyway,I'll discuss.Ok,now that her parents are not happy with the idea of your marriage,theres no point in pressing the matter again right away.Now that your still 19,you have a long way t go till your marriage.By then you would have aquired a job and become financially and socially stable.Her parents' mind may change at that time.....and approve your marriage with her.So put the marriage matter to sleep for the moment and work on your career.Ask your cousin not to talk about the marriage for a while.
And regarding the kids.....I am afraid what you heard is true.The problem may arise if your cousin is very closely related.However there are exceptions to this also;and things could go fine.But theres no exact say on this issue,a far as I know.
The probability of defective kids is more when the blood relationship is very close.
I wish you all the best and may all your wishes be satisified.Good Luck!
80.
Name:Libby
City: Easton
Sex : Female
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting: May 29 2002 / 01:15:10
Libby's Problem:
in my group at school there are 5 of us. So one of
us is the fifth wheel. Two of the girls are twin sisters so I can
see that they will have a bond. Then there is another girl who is
best friends with one of the twins and another girl who is best
friend swith the other twin. So I am the fifth wheel. Every time
we can do a partner projest I am the one who does it by myself.
Also when we can sit by whoever we want I am sitting by whoever
is on the end. I know they try to include me but I still feel left out. what can I do?
Hi Libby,
Theres no use feeling left out.It always happens in a group that 2 people get closer.You shouldnt get worried and anxious with issues like this.After all,you are a part of the group and nobody intentionally would illtreat you,or dislike you for any big reason.As human beings we always wanna have a best friend.Choose someone who shares common interests with you and you can relate to in the best way.Stop thinking that you arent a part of the group!Good luck.
79.
Name:Louise
City: Ireland
Sex : Female
Age : 17
Date/Time of Posting: May 28 2002 / 19:14:27
Louise's Problem:
I have a problem thatis causing much anxiety which has recently become worse.
In Aug of 2001 I noticed that when asked a question for example at the dinner
table, where a few people were focusing their attention on me I would start to
go red in the face and blush. Whenever attention was drawn to me and if i wee
asked something i would start blushing which caused me much embarrassment. It
had continued and recently it has gotten worse . Now i start going red even when
I'm just having a conversation with a single person. With some certain people
I'm ok and i don't go red when i talk to them. They are mostly my friends buti
have statred going red when talking to my mum recently and i generally get on
well with her. It's causing much worry as it's causing me to be anti-social. I
still go out etc but i'm more reluctant and if a visitor comes to the house i
try to avoid interaction with them. It's terribly embarrassing. Perhaps it's
just a phase I'm going through which some people do but It seems like it's not
going to end. I never remember having this problem in the past. MAybe also that
becuase it's on my mind when i start to talkto someone that i blush because in
my mind i'm just waiting for it to happen. I'm not sure but hopefully you can
help me on it. I would REALLY appreciate it. Thanks. - Louise
Hi Louise,
"MAybe also that
becuase it's on my mind when i start to talkto someone that i blush because in
my mind i'm just waiting for it to happen."
See,you almost came out with the answer....its nice that you stopped to analyse...really nice to know.A lot of time we fail to do this and land up in confusions.
Ok,I think the probable reasons for your behaviour are:
1.Fear of being judged.
2.Having done something wrong(irrespective of the magnitude).
3.Inferiority feelings caused due to not being able to participate in general talks in a group,that may in turn be caused by factors like a not having a good general knowledge,etc.
4.Always comparing yourself to others/counterparts.
So,you need to get rid of all the above,by careful analysis and get deeper into thinking about each of the above mentioned factors.There could be even other factors.Dont confront people with conempt,if your doing so.Be normal,think normal and dont over react!Good Luck!
78.
Name:Alexis
City: Bakersfield
Sex : Female
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting: May 28 2002 / 01:49:36
Alexis's Problem:
i am over weight and clumsy. Every day my grandmother
gets on to me about how i should lose weight and that if i tried
and if i really wanted to i could. she doesn't understand how much
i want to lose weight. Being over weight makes me fit in less and
less and i really want to fit in. And my dad yells at me all the
time for breaking a dish and when ever i talk about these things
with these people i always end up in tears. I need help on how to
deal with stuff like this so i won't end up in tears.
My other problem is at school i get teased alot about how i look
once i even got called into the princables office about a rumor
and they still haven't stopped i end up hiding from everybody but
my friends and i don't want to do that next year. I need your help. Thank you!!
Hi Alexis,
See,.....as long as your fit and healthy,you dont have to worry about your weight!But you still need to work towards having the right body weight......over a period of time,as overweight would affect you health.No matter how much you think of not bothering about and say,"My weight will not bother me anymore",your weight will have a say on your self confidence.....perhaps in a sub-conscious level.Being fit always adds to your confidence and helps you in the society.However you should never starve to lose weight.Eat normal,but do regular exercise.....jogging,crunches and push ups...;might help you.
You have to stop thinking of your weight all the while,if you are doing so!....stop having obsessions,if any.Good Luck!
77.
Name:Xiomara
City: Brooklyn
Sex : Female
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting: May 27 2002 / 20:44:58
Xiomara's Problem:
There's this boy at school i like and i want him to
like me back but he flirts with like everybody and he knows i like
hime because i told him and he says he just wants to be friends
but i really want to go out with him so how do i make hime like
me also two of his friends like me and i deied both just for him
i was planning on going out with his friends to show him what hes missing but what should i do?
Hi Xiomara,
You need to stop acting on this......just let it go...and see what happens.You need to act....only after about 4 years from now!...Till then,you have nothing but studies.....and fun;sounds like your dad?....yes,cant help!Now if only you listen to a guy of your genereation you would be making sense out of it all and thats what your doing at the moment!Good Luck!
76.
Name:Matt
City: Menominee
Sex : Male
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting: May 21 2002 / 01:20:07
Matt's Problem:
MY MOM AND BOYFRIEND GOT A HOME AND IN A FEW WEEKS
I'LL BE MOVING, I AM VERY SCARED TO SWITCH SCHOLLS, IM AFRAID I
WONT MAKE ANY FRIENDS AND MOST OF ALL THE FIRST DAY IS REALLY GOING
TO SCARE ME. I AM VERY ANGRY THAT MY MOM IS DOING THIS TO ME, BUT
SHE THINKS THAT IT WILL BENEFIT ME IN SOME WAY, I DONT FEEL THE
SAME. I DONT WANT TO SWITCH SCHOOLS, I SEEM TO HAVE NO CHOICE AND
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I TOLD HER I WAS NOT MOVING WHETHER
SHE LIKED IT OR NOT, WE ARE NOW IN THE CITY AND WE WILL BE MOVING
TO THE COUNRTY. I WONT KNOW ANYONE ALL SUMMER, AND I AM VERY AFRAID
TO SWITCH SCHOOLS, DO YOU THINK THAT THIS IS A GOOD THING, OR A
BAD THING, I REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE, PLEASE HELP ME, I AM VERY
UPSET AND ALSO AT MY MOTHER AND HER BOYFRIEND. DONT KNOW HOW I'LL
GET THROUGH THIS, IM NOT VERY GOOD AT MAKING NEW FRIENDS, I HAVE
A LOW SELF ASTEEM, AND I JUST THINK IM GOING TO BE VERY LONELY. ANGRY IN MENOMINEE
Hi Matt,
Situations like this often arise in our lives.We need to face it with courage and optimism.After all its not that your mom is leaving you alone and getting away.
A change of school will have a lot of positive aspects.Whether in the country or in the city, a school is a school and will still do the job of teaching you lessons of life.Meeting new people is a great chance and not all people are blessed with this golden chance.You could meet new people,learn new things,talk to them and improve your self-esteem in the process.You'll learn how to talk to people and stop being a loner if your one.Matt, this is a damn good change,and you should look forward to it!...I wish you all the success and happiness in your new school!...Do write back!
75.
Name:Kaylee
City: Brunswick
Sex : Female
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting: May 20 2002 / 23:52:04
Kaylee's Problem:
My friend had a party last weekend and we were all
in her basement. Well we figured out that the girl that was having
the party, was in the bathroom with another girl SMOKING!Well when
her mom came home she asked what the smell was and she said we were
baking brownies and she didn't fall for it and she told her mom
"WE" were playing with matches! She said she did it to fit in! Now
were all in trouble! I HATE HER FOR LIFE!
Hi Kaylee,
I remember you......yes!You had written to me before!Ok so this time you have a kind of trouble.......hmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
As long as you have not done any wrong,you dont have to worry!(Dont try to lie.....it would result in a series of lies..and land you in a soup!)Ofcourse you might have gone wrong in choosing the right friends,for which your parents may get a little anxious(if at all they come to know about the whole issue!).
The only thing you can learn from this episode is that we are often judged by our company...and its very important to have a good company!Try and maintain right distance from wrong people.....try putting sense into them.....else leave them alone...they'll learn!Theres no point in "hating your friend for life"....the burden is on you!...haha.If you just think,you'll see its more dificult to hate someone than to like someone....so think about it........why burden yourself?Act sane next time.Good Luck!
74.
Name:Patricia Fendley
City: Toledo
Sex : Female
Age : 19
Date/Time of Posting: May 20 2002 / 06:10:50
Patricia's Problem:
I've been with this guy off and on for 3 years before
we had a child together a year ago. He leads me on once and awhile
because he knows all he has to do is blink and i'll come running.
My problem is I love him and care about him and do anything for
him because of it and he knows it and feeds off it even though he
doesn't care about me and I want to, no i need to know how to stop
feeling for him. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep and praying
every time the phone rings its him saying he wised up and he loves
me. Sometimes I wish a semi truck would flip over on me and kill
me so I wouldn't have to hurt anymore. I love my son and wouldn't
do anything to him but every time I look at him i wonder if his
father stopped loveing me would he.
Hi Patricia,
I am afraid your information is insufficient.....do you live together....if not why?....etc.Anyway.....you could always write back to me.
As for now,I can only say that you need to talk to your husband and let your feelings out.And your son would be yours no matter what his dad does to you!Your son would grow to be what you want him to be,in terms of emotional factors!He'd always love you.And stop thinking about going under a semi truck!Behave responsibly....you have a kid!Act sane and be good to your son.Dont penalise him for any stuid fault of yours or any circumstance that you may fall in.Good Luck!
73.
Name:Thomas Broussard
City: Denham Springs
Sex : Male
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting:May 19 2002/18:35:39
Thomas's Problem:
All of the girls at my school think I'm ugly
and guys pick on me just because I'm not cool or popular. I really
want to ask this girl out but I'm scared I might get embarassed.
Hi Thomas,
Theres one thing that I can tell you,everyone has different tastes on this planet.I dont find so many "good looking" women really good looking....but a lot of people find them to be good looking.At the same time....a lot of people dont find anything beautiful in whom I find is beautiful....Tom,beauty is in the beholder's eye.You certainly would appeal to a lot of people......this is a fact...I am not saying this just to pacify you.Its just that your thoughts are being overshadowed by others....so be happy and dont worry!
Being "cool" or popular.....yes its nice to be popular,but its not a necessity.You can be a good person from within;I think thats more important than just being popular.Infact being a good human being itself would make you popular!
And about asking the girl out,well dont be hasty!Thats all I would wanna say.......you are a little too young for this!
One last thing stop thinking that you look bad!....its not the TRUTH!....believe me.
72.
Name:Spencer
City: Smiths Station Alabama
Sex : Male
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting: May 17 2002 / 07:43:36
Spencer's Problem:
ok thers this girl i really like and she likes me
back.so where goin out a little an now schools out and everybodys
goin on vaction and shes goin to south carolina.im stayin here in
alabama.i dont know why but sometimes ill call her just to here
her voice.what i need to know is when she gets back from south carolina
what can i do to keep this girl and when do you think is the best time to make the first move.
Hi Spencer,
IF she gave you her number and you have her number "legitemately" (...if you can understand what i mean......)then theres no problem in asking when she's gonna be back....call her up and talk.But if you got the number from someone other than her...dont speak to her over phone.....may be she wouldnt like it.Try know ing it from a friend......
First move?........perhaps another 4 years............if you still have the same feelings after 4 years....go ahead then!This is not a joke.........ok?I mean it....Good Luck!
71.
Name:Mariella
City:New York City
Sex :Female
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting: May 16 2002 / 21:53:55
Mariella's Problem:
There is this guy in my clss whose name is Francisco,
I have had a crush on him for 2 yrs but I think he sort of knows.
Yesterday when I had to go to my best-friend's house I found out
that my best friend is his girlfriend. I was sooooooooo jealous
but I showed it a little bit (a tiny bit). He kissed with my friend
and then looked at me in a sort of way as if saying, are you jealous
yet? I don't know what to do, I don't want to tell him I like him
because he already has like a ton of other girlfriends who have
said the same thing. I still remember that yesterday at the party
we was playing and he had a bat and then he was playing and he said"stay
there and let me slap ur face with this bat" but he was just playing
because some of my friend do the same thing. He did it the first
time but he didn't touch me cause we were just playing he just threw
some air with the bat he did it to scare me, but he didn't touch
me, then he did it again and this time he touched me in a sort of
sweet/lovely way. then he ran to the sofa and I went after him and
then he started to push me like to fall in him and so u know what
might happen. then I pulled back and slapped in a not to hard way.
But all this happened while ny friend wasn't there, And I don't
want to dissapoint my friend By actually stealing her boyfriend,
But what do you think I should do???? I can't forget about him and
we are the same age. Event hought I might not be as popular as he
is, some of my friends say that he is in love with me, but I don't
wanna ask him what if he says no and it was one mean joke from my
friends????that would really hurt me and I don't wanna tell one
of my friends to ask him for me either!!!!!!!!
Help, What do you think I should do??
Please send this as soon as you can. We go to the same school and
I have to go back to my friend's house this saturday, What if he
does it again and this time he actually kisses me??? I really have
to go on saturday to do this project in MY FRIENDS HOUSE not in
mine!!!! And I will see him again and I can't ignore him because
he is like the center of attention!!!
Help, PLEASE
Hi Mariella,
IF you think your friend is important to you.......dont bother about this guy...even if you think your friend is not important to you.......dont bother about this guy.......theres no use of going around with this guy just because he's too attarctive and is the centre of your attention....you'll certainly find more attractive and guys worthy of you in the days to come.Being popular is not everything....just control your feelings and dont bother much.....All this because he just seems to be a kind of show off!So stick to your sanity....Good Luck!
70.
Name:KC
City:Beth
Sex :Female
Age : 11
Date/Time of Posting:May 14 2002 / 02:22:17
KC's Problem:
I really like this boy who already has a girlfriend.
I think this boy is going to break up with her which is good but
csee my best friend like him to and i think he likes her back.I
really like him but my best freind is bragging to me and doesnt no i am upset.
Hi KC,
Talk out with your friend........there'll be lesser misunderstandings.And elt me tell you that its not a good idea going with this guy........for he may always ditch you for another girl...as he's doing now!........dont bother much..let things happen as they happen..Good Luck!
69.
Name:Christina
City:Fremont nc
Sex :Female
Age : 10
Date/Time of Posting: May 13 2002 / 19:17:23
Christina's Problem:
I have a couple of girls at school that I owe money
to. they said" when we get to NORWAYNE next year they are going
to beat me up! Now I'm helpless against these two!! So I just wanted
to ask you what should I do before I have a black eye and get suspended?
Hi Christina,
Number one rule.........never borrow money........now that you have already borrowed it....follow the rule in future.Ofcourse you could borrow small money......which you know your gonna return soon.........for which you can ask your parents to return...that means only borrowing for a valid legal genuine reason is ok.....
Now ask your parents for the money........and return the money....or save up from your allowance and pay the due!Good Luck!
68.
Name:Anna
City:________
Sex :Female
Age : 15
Date/Time of Posting: May 12 2002 / 02:37:20
Anna's Problem:
HOW TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS?
my problem:
may 10th,2002 was the last day for seniors and the last day for
lower classmen is may 21,2002. and a majority of my friends are
juniors and seniors. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
THANKS,
CONFUSED
Hi Anna,
Make new friends ??.......only way is to be yourself and talk to people....be humble and friendly!
67.
Name:Melissa M.
City:Fontana, CA
Sex :Female
Age : 14
Date/Time of Posting:May 11 2002 / 04:29:28
Melissa's Problem:
my mother had this boyfriend (my parents are divorced)in
which she just broke up with a month agao. I really don't like
him. whenever my mom was around him- she drank alot.They almost
bought a house together.I was relieved when they broke up.But then,the
other day- she said that she was over at his house. I really dont
want him back in my mother's life. I dont want to be rude because
that is not respectful. His son smokes pot and drinks- his son
is only 14. How do i get rid of this man-or just deal with him-without
hurting my mom- or him in any way. You helped me out alot last time
i came to you- so i hope you can help me again- thanx alot
Hi Melissa,
Pleased to know that my previous solution was useful to you...thanks for letting me know that!
Ok ......now........your mom is an adult......and all said and done....she knows waht she's doing.....but even if she goes wrong she'll straighten things up somehow.......you dont have to worry......however your anxiety in this regard is very much appreciable!Just leave things to them.......they'll sort it out.....but if your mom asks for your opinion you can certainly pour it out....ok?...Dont worry...I know the undercurrent of all your reactions is that you feel your mom is being snatched away from you......thats probably whats making you react this way.....dont u worru....your mom will still remain yours no matter what....she'll realize that....!Keep smiling......
66.
Name:Melissa M.
City:Fontana, CA
Sex :Female
Age : 14
Date/Time of Posting: May 07 2002 / 00:27:31
Melissa's Problem:
my dad recently got remarried about 2 years ago- i
have to share a room with my step-sister who is 2 months younger
than me. i have one real sister and two step brothers also. My
step-mom and my mom were best friends until my step-mom started
to date my dad behind my mom's back. My step- mom is very nice-
when she wants to be. it seem that whatever i do- she is always
mad at me. It is always little stuff she is mad at me for- like
forgetting to unload the dishwasher, or jogging when its hot outside,
or talking with my friends. i cant stand it any longer. i want
to yell at her but of course i don't because that is not respectful.
I've tried to change my personality so that i would be the "perfect"
step- daughter. It still doesn't work. I often cry myself to sleep
because im tired of her being mad at me- what should i do to make her stop being mad at me?
Hi Melissa,
"I've tried to change my personality so that i would be the "perfect"
step- daughter."
The number one thing you need to do is to stop treating yourself as her step daughter;stop seeing her as a step mom........Remember,her attitude is derived from your attitude............Treat her like your own mom and be a good daughter....she would be the best mom!
If you always confront her with the idea that she is treating you badly........she will do so!
Be normal and act normal.Remove the step between the two of you.A great man said..."You change your thoughts and you change your world!".......Good Luck!
65.
Name:Erin
City: Brunswick
Sex :Female
Age : 11
Date/Time of Posting: May 05 2002 / 19:08:15
Erin's Problem:
Can you help me? My sister wants to be an actress!
she's comical, and wants me and my bro. Zach to do plays with her!But
we dont get sick of it because we know she loves it. Please make
her dream come true!Can you call some agents?
My dear Erin,
"Can you call some agents?"
Haha........I really wanna hug you and plant a kiss on your forehead!
I only wish I myself was an agent..............hmmmmmmmmmmm!
Ok first of all,I dont know any agents.
And to become an actress........it is not just having an agent.First of all....participate in school events,community events....learn things,...join a dramatics or acting school...get trained and learn new things.I dont mean your not good at the moment...but these are things you probably need to do to become a good actress.
Start impressing on a local level......then slowly you would achieve what you want to.Things would open up and perhaps you would land up with an agent!Or try making contacts through your elders you know........
I wish the three of you all the success you dream of.
64.
Name:Kaylee
City:Brunswick
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting: May 05 2002 / 18:53:41
Kaylee's Problem:
You see, i can't take it anymore! i have people at
school who are really popular, and i want to hang out with them
so bad! i mean im not trying to hang out with a bad gang, but their
really nice to me. their really fun to hang out with. im getting
my hair highlighted, and hopefully they'll come around. please help me!
Hi Kaylee,
I understand your emotions!Dont do out of the way things such as having a trail of guys behind you or drugs or.....some stupid thing like that.No doubt that would also make you popular.......not really popular,but notorious.A lot of us do things to become popular.....but we end up becoming notorious!And we dont seem to get the point!...I hope you understand what I mean.
To become popular.........be a winner.........do something different......in a nice way....
And you need to be with people who are like you...and have have similar interests and likings.........thats more important than simply being with "popular people"......have your own identity.
63.
Name:Virginia
City:Arlington
Sex :Female
Age : 11
Date/Time of Posting: May 05 2002 / 01:48:27
Virginia's Problem:
I have not seen my mother since I was 2 years old.
I am going to see her this June. What should I say? I dont know
anything about her. I need help. Please give me some advic.
Hi Virginia,
Well,I only wish you were a little more specific and detailed....I'll try my best to help you out though!I dont know how/why were you seperated from your mom...........
Anyway its really nice and exciting that your gonna see your mom.......if you say you dont know anything abut her......ask your dad or aunt or anyone........try to know about her.....get any information that you wanna know.What should you say?Say how much you missed her(.......there must have been many instances when you wished she was with you!......talk about them.).Ask her if she would be with you henceforth or atleast if she colud be in touch and make frequent visits.......and that you need her.
Feel for the occasion and you really need to be happy and feel blessed,that your gonna see your mom......Cherish every moment...live the occasion.
62.
Name:Caleb
City:Prattville Alabama
Sex :Male
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting: May 03 2002 / 23:09:47
Caleb's Problem:
i don't seem to be a people person. when i get around
someone i don't want to talk because i'm afraid of rejection. i
do like girls but my lack of self confidence makes it kind of hard
to make a good impression. its never easy to talk to a girl because
i'm always down on myself about who i am and how i look, so i just
try not to strike up a talk. i guess you could say we live in the
boondocks because we live 20 miles from my school, and i don't really
get to do a lot of stuff- especially with those i hang out with
at school. my self-esteem has gotten real low lately; i hope you
will understand my situation. i think another problem is that i
have strict parents that really limit me in the fun things i do.
i don't really have much freedom, and that takes a toll on my attitude.
i'm not gonna say i'm a teen that lives in depression, but sometimes
i just want to cry. i know i need help and i'm coming to you. what can i do?
Hi Caleb,
Thanks for the trust and and thanks for considering me to help you out.....Thanks for the honour!
The number one cause for your state of mind is that you seem to compare yourself with other guys......There are a lot of things that you dont have which they have(I mean materialistically and otherwise).But there are also a lot of things that you have which they dont have!Think,just think!
So Caleb,its all upto one's head,as to whether he wants to walk his life with his plus points or minus points.......
Another thing is that a lot of minus points are not in our hands........but there are a few that can be set right by us.Do the needful.
You need to get rid of the idea that you are less competent than the others.Stop thinking..............STOP THINKING of things you dont have....it could be money...or something as stupid as "macho body"....or anything.
Let me tell you that theres no set definition for a person to be impressive...........your personality is not judged just by your looks....you cant possibly completely impress someone by only looks........you need to be a person as a whole....the way you talk,the way you carry yourself......everything.Theres no generalized rule for impressing.Perhaps the best way to put it is to be yourself.......the best way to impress someone is to be yourself and the confidence with which you put forward yourself does the impression job.......how much you stand up for yoursef,no matter what you are (as long as your morally right)counts for the impression.Impressing is by and large more than a physical thing.If you could really convey things with confidence and a sportive attitude.........that would really be impressive!Dont ever hide your weakness....aceept it......accept it,but not in a tone of self-pity....but with confidence."I cant come out with you guys today,'coz my parents wouldnt let me be there so late,and I really wish I could be with you.......have a nice time guys!"Thats it..............dont brood and show self pity!( Your parents will be more liberal when you are a little older!)
Another extreme of the issue..............Dont burden yourself with the tension of.........."I have to impress everyone I talk to"....no you need not do it......this is specially with respect to the opposite sex.Be yourself............be yourself.
Other ways to boost your confidence is.....current affairs,vocabulary,general knowldedge,participating/winnig in competitions,good academics........
Wake up by telling yourself "I am a winner!".It does a lot of good to your attitude and takes you through the day!
Stand up and act like a winner!Good luck Caleb.
61.
Name:Katie
City:Hamilton
Sex :Female
Age : 14
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 29 2002 / 01:21:58
Katie's Problem:
Hi. I am 14 & I need money. I can't get a real job.
I need to know some places and ways to get and save money.
Hi Katie,
The number one way to have money when you need money is to save when you have the money.Draw out a budget,allocate definite portions for savings...........self control is the need in this issue.There would be times when you would have more than usual money with you.........save more;spend minimum.You have to do this regularly as long as you depend on only the alllowances you get from home.Try finding a job.....a part time job obviously.Make use of vacations and holodays for earning......look into classifieds and have as may contacts as possible....a suitable "job" would surely drop in.
Again you need not be a spendthrift if you start earning your own bucks....stick to the old way of savings....perhaps you could spend a little more,when you have a job at hand.
The number one philosophy about "Earning while your Learning" is to not have dignity problems in your head...a job is a job....do any kinfd of job no matter what....as long as its morally ok.Good Luck.
60.
Name:Selena
City:Palm Harbor
Sex :Female
Age : 9
Date/Time of Posting: Apr 26 2002 / 22:01:39
Selena's Problem:
hey i really like singing and i want to be a singer
when i grow up the only problem i the pop stars are like ten times
better than the way i sing. i not saying i sing bad but lets face
it i will never be as good as them. i know some lipsing but the
people who sing the songs for them must be good.if ou have any advice
for me or any site about wrteing songs on i would really like that.
Hi Selena,
You have the ambition......so theres nothing that could stop you now.....if you really wanna be a popstar or anything else.....all you need in life is to want it badly enough to go to any extent to get it!No one is 10 times better than you!...haha.Thats exactly the crux of the issue......not to sing like anyone else!You can be a successful singer only if you have a style of your own....you dont have to sing like anyone else!Its not at all a problem if you cant sing like someone.The whole idea is to be original......nothing more.If at all you need to compare yourself with a good singer.....compare in terms of the hardwork,the sweat,the prcatice,the attitude....and other essential things.....not just what they produce!What they produce is their style.....you need not match that with anyne else's.It makes more sense to speak out for yourself,i.e,having your own style!Good Luck and I hope to buy your tape/cd 10 years from now!
As far as sites/sources.....use Google.......you'd have no problems.....try reading biographies and lives of artistes.....the way they worked their way to success!
Good Luck!
59.
Name:Chelsea
City:Liberty
Sex :Female
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting: Apr 26 2002 / 03:43:59
Chelsea's Problem:
There is a really cute boy that I like that attends
my school. But he only flirts with me and makes me feel special
when he thinks that I don't like him. All of our friends think that
we would make such a cute couple and I have to admit I think so
too. When he likes me he always finds some way to compliment me
or touch me little things like that. It makes me feel so wonderful
that somebody actually likes me since I have never had a boyfriend
before I really don't want to mess my relationahip as a friend with
him please tell me how to make my move and still keep our friendship.
Hi Chelsea,
As human beings,the most wonderful feeling that we can have is to be liked or appreciated.....we cant get out of this......I am speaking about normal human beings like you me and.I understand what you feel right now.But a lot of times,you would see such strong feelings just vanish within a month or year......for no proper reason.So,dont jump.....act cautiously.If you let your feelings out for him,there are chances(even 1% chance is still a chance) that he may not be the same guy....and this could upset your relationship....and lose even the friendship you share with him.So dont open up.......get more definitive ideas and intentions and then act.After all you still enjoy his company....right?Even if you propose to him,it would almost be the same.....the same talks and.....etc,so you might as well wait and act!Let actions speak and circumstances speak.....you really dont have to speak for this.....atleast at the moment!Good Luck!
58.
Name:Mandaie
City:Attleboro
Sex :Female
Age : 16
Date/Time of Posting: Apr 18 2002 / 16:04:35
Mandaie's Problem:
hi
I have a problem with my mmother. She drives me crazy and the only
way I react is to yell at her and say things to her that I don't
mean. Can you let me know a way that I can react that won't hurt her feelings.
thank you
mandie
Hi Mandaie,
Think before you react....i know thats the easiest thing to say..very tough to do!But its certainly possible.Perhaps to start with you could really try the good old method of counting till 20 before you speak out,rather before you yell whatever that comes to your mind.This method works!It helps in putting of your steam and makes you think and diverts your attention at the time of rage.
If you have so much rage,keep shut and dont reply at all.....come back later and talk.If you happen to blurt out things you dont mean,and things that would hurt your mom,or if you think your being unreasonable in your words.......you cant help it....its already out of your mouth.Theres only one thing you could do to make your mom feel ok.....APPOLOGISE and say that you really did not mean whatever nonsense you said.Ofcourse,if this becomes a regular affair it has no valididty.
Mandaie its something like this....things work out this way.....
Even if we say a million nice things to a person,all it takes is just one misplaced word to dent your relationship with that person,no matter what closeness you share......So,its not fair to take your mom for granted and shout out nonsense!Ofcourse moms do get irksome at times,but you need to control your rage.......after all the world is not gonna end if she says it will!Got it?
See if you can be more accomodative with her ideas....be more reasonable.....!Follow the counting thing I said......you could even count 100,if not 20!Good Luck
57.
Name:Kimberly Yancy
City:Memphis
Sex :Female
Age : 19
Date/Time of Posting: Apr 18 2002 / 16:04:35
Kimberly's Problem:
I'm 19 years old. My family doesn't trust. I never
did anything for them not to trust me.I graudated from high school,attend
college, don't have any kids, and don't go out. They gave me a car
and it's like I can't do what I feel.If it's not what they like,then I'm stupid or selfish.
I never get to express my own feelings. I thought about moving out,but
it's hard to tell them. My family argue all the time. I go to school
and stay gone until about 8 or 9 o'clock just so I won't have to
hear the arguments. I just want to feel comfortable. I don't know
what to do. I can focus at school nor can I function regularly.
I forget everything and I I have headaches all the time. What can I do?
Hi Kimberly,
Good that you divert your attention.....stay away till 9'o clock.But you know its not all that healthy.......YOU know it.After all we are human beings and we need to share things with our family.Its certainly not good if they are not "receptive" to your talks or ways.At this moment........THIS VERY MOMENT,you need to make up your mind to stop coiling upto yourself........the way you've been doing till today.You need to TAAAAALK.......really talk to your family members.We screw up our lives because we dont talk out for ourselves.Talking is the most important thing you need to do with your family now!Sit down (with every member of your family present) in your drawing hall and talk to them!It requires some sense of straight forwardness and kind of courage to do this......but its worth doing.Tell them what behaviour of theirs hurts you and makes you feel that they dont trust you.Fill the gap.
"I never get to express my own feelings."...........is what you've said.
Kim,no one would give you a chance.......you need to create the opportunity and chance and let them know your feelings.....after all its for your good,so you have to do it.Its not good to whine and pine away yourself.So do the talking a.s.a.p........the way I have asked you to.Remember to be polite and at the same time convey things effectively.You would need a lot of mental preparation before the talk.........so think and analyse the issues that may come in during your talk.Dont ever go on a blame spree......you know what I mean.Dont offend them,but be clear in what you want to convey.If you have to tell them that they have got to stop arguing,say it......."You need to reduce your daily arguemnets,please; because it disturbs me mentally and that affects my study routines"........say something like this or in a better manner,you can think of.
All said and done if you cant really talk it out.............write it down............pour yourself out and present it to your dad/mom........Let them read it when you are away,not in front of you or while your at home.
This writing thing is not a very good idea.......ofcourse it sereves to communicate.....thats more important.And ofcourse it can serve as a good grounding or it can work as a prelude to your talks later.Then may be your talking can become slightly easier for you.
Kim you need to communicate.............theres no other way out.Please do write back............Good Luck!
56.
Name:Max
City:NY
Sex :Male
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting: Apr 18 2002 / 00:32:19
Max's Problem:
I was talking to a friend and I said that my girl
friend gets mad at me for no reason. The e- mail got sent to her
, she got really mad at me . I cant eat ,sleep all I do is think
about her . She hasnt said more than 15 words to me in about 2
days. I really didnt mean to hurt her. I try to talk to her but
every time I ask she says there is nothing to talk about . I need
advice . I really dont want to break up. All I want is her forgiveness.
Hi Max,
Hmmmmm,probably your age is the reason which is keeping you both misunderstood.....for such a simple thing!Max,dont worry........she is probably doing it to seek some importance.....after all its not a major reason to "go mad at you".So YES...go ahead and make her feel important.......say something nice....but let it be genuine,'coz girls are good sniffers!....if you could get what I mean.Beg her,fall on your knees........whatever!If she's still adament.........you just cant do anything about it.Its unfortunate that you would become a part of some statistic......statistics of "Failure of couples-at-age 12".Yes I mean it,12 is too bad an age for a relationship......wait until dawn!Thats exactly the reason things cant pretty much work out at age 12.I dont mean keep trying and screw up a dozen relationships before you finally land up with a soulmate.Act slowly and cautiously and think more than twice,before you become a part of a "relationship".I am not saying your present girl is a bad choice.But I certainly would say things could always go wrong at this age........even grown ups divorce so how can you be spared!You have a long way to go......hopes!Lot of beautiful girls in the world....lots of your kind of girls are out there.......HOPES!Dont get into a relationship for the sake of having one.......if at all thats what you've done!Good Luck!
55.
Name:Gypsy
City:South Bend
Sex :Female
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 17 2002 / 21:45:16
Gypsy's Problem:
There is a guy i like at school and i don't know if
he likes me. I'm afraid 2 ask him because it would be imbaressing
if he said NO. what should I do?
Hi Gypsy,
Wait,wait,wait...............!
How long you've been liking this guy......if its less than a year.....hmmmmmmmmmmm!Wait for a year atleast.By then see if you feel the same for this guy.But still,the ideal age would be to wait till you are atleast16 or 17....not that you would be absolutely right in your decision at 16/17........but atleast you would be a better judge than you are now.
These are things that one should never hurry up in life.......wait and let time do the job.......a lot of our questions will be answered by time........unfortunately we are'nt patient enough to give time a chance.So wait and give time a chance!
Now dont get into any delirious cloud No.9 feeling although its tough not to......try and keep your feet on the ground.......no obsessions.....!Dont act upon what you feel for this guy now...!Good Luck!
54.
Name:Lindsay Taylor
City:Montgomery
Sex :Female
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting: Apr 14 2002 / 13:04:54
Lindsay's Problem:
I have this problem see i now know the boy that i
liked likes me so how do i ask him out should we be friends first?he
also has the urge to kiss girls what do i do about that!!
Hi Lindsay,
Dont bother,......... have it as a secret crush or something for the moment and probably you would even see it vanish with time.You cannot really make a decision at the moment............you are not aware of the parameters to judge a guy!So dont really bother!
Anyway no problem in being good friends............!And if you want a flirtatious passing relationship and not a serious long term one,I wouldnt vouch for it!
53.
Name:Help
City:SF
Sex :Female
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 14 2002 / 09:17:02
Help's Problem:
Hey,
I have this guy friend who used to like me. This past year we've
gotten closer, i even thought that i liked him for a day. Lately
we've been getting in fights a lot, sometimes over really stupid
things to. Almost all of the time i end up saying sorry, even if
it wasn't my fault or i didn't know what i did. It's a cycle...we'd
fight, i'd say sorry, we make up, and we are flirty AGAIN. So this
time its different. We got in a fight and we havn't talked yet.
We go to school together and see eachother everyday, have the same
friends and everything, he can't even stand to be near me. PArt
of me wants to say sorry and make up since we graduate in like a
month. But part of me says, why say sorry when he's been so mean.
I'm just relly confused and don't know what to do.
Hi Help,
If this time its again not your fault..............then dont bother.If its your fault,you'd better say sorry.If you think both of you have done wrong,see who's more wrong(that requires an honest effort) and act accordingly!
And about how things have been working.........its not ok for you to appologise even if you are not wrong.........its a wrong way of working out things.
52.
Name:Kiera
City:Newyork
Sex : Female
Age : 11
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 12 2002 / 23:25:56
Kiera's Problem:
I have a friend named Kieth that I have known for
a long time ever since first and I said that I didnt want him to
help deliver the cupcakes even though I had promised him instead
I let Victoria do it. Ever since then I have been telling people
to cut us on the lunch line and I want to still be friends with but what do I do.
Hi Kiera,
I did not quite understand you.........please write back clearly.
51.
Name:Sarah
City:Camden
Sex :Female
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 12 2002 / 00:51:02
Sarah's Problem:
How do you now if a boy likes you please answer me back if you know
Hi Sarah,
Refer to problem No.38......Lindsay's problem.
50.
Name: Liz
City:---------------
Sex :Female
Age : 16
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 11 2002 / 01:37:14
Liz's Problem:
ok...let me tell u about myself first, maybe you will
understand me better.I love to play basketball and i like being
around guyz better than girls. I do good in school, and i am very
friendly...i mean very friendly..i am easy to get along with.Anywayz...my
problem is this. I am goin out with this guy who is a senior and
i am a sophmore...i kinda like him but not that much. He is very
very sweet to me and very nice...he is the sweetest guy i have known..and
he treats me good even after i give him an attitude or something....he
does nothing wrong. he was new to the school this year and we have
only been goin out for 2 months. Last year i was going out with
this other guy and it ended after a couple of months...while that
went on, there was this other guy who really liked me and i like
him to. He had asked me out and i told him i didnt want a b'f at
the time so he said ok. when the guy i am goin out with now asked
me out i said yes because i heard if i said no then he wasnt goin
to talk to me no more and i didnt want to loose him so i said yes.
Now, i dont really like this guy and i like the other guy more and
it seems like i am goin to end up loosing him instead because he
wrote me a in a letter saying "i though you didnt want a b/f." and
i told him its because everybody was telling me to go out with him
so i did.Now, there is a girl who is trying to go out with him,
and i dont want them to go out because i like him and he likes me.
he comes over my house sometimes to play basketball because we both
love to play it and he talks to my brother a lot and knows my whole
family. I dont know what to do...i dont want to hurt anyone.i hope
you understand me so far. Because i went out with this guy a lot
of guy got hurt because a lot of guyz asked me out and i said i
didnt want a b/f and next thing they know, i have one so i feel bad. Help Please!!
Hi Liz,
Hmmmmmmmmm.Now,think!Did you say no to the others only because you did not wanna have a bf?Probably you just did not like them at the moment.If you really meant no bf,you wouldnt have really gone with this new guy.Probably at that time you found this answer of no bf very easy and polite enough to say.Now you only need to be true to yourself and choose the guy you love.And dont give a reason which might not be true.Shed your ego and external strings(mostly people) and think for yourself.........you would find the truth....you would see what you really want.Act accordingly and be frank in whatever you wanna convey to whomever.The immediate consequence of your actions may hurt someone,but theres no other go.......atleast its better than some unpeasant wrath in the future.Write back.Good Luck!
49.
Name:Rory
City: NY
Sex :Male
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 10 2002 / 02:51:25
Rory's Problem:
I have panic attacks and deppresion i talk to a therepist
but still get them and feel bad what should i do?.
Hi Rory,
I certainly have no medical background,but I will try to help you out.The number one thing you need to do is meditation.You could learn it from a book,or the internet.Meditation would help you have a clear and sound mind,devoid of anxieties and confusions.Your mind would be stronger and better placed to handle any stress.
Let me tell you one thing about panicking.
Why do we panic?Its because of the amount of importance we attach to a certain outcome or result of any issue.We hardly see beyond the result.Not all wrong outcomes could wash us away.........in fact NOTHING can wash us away.Its all up in our head and our attitude.Yes we need to give importance to consequences.........Not to the extent that our vision is blinded that we are unable to see beyond the consequence.
If you stop to think and see,more than half the time the importance we attach to a given consequence is based on people's reaction to it!
We know its not all that bad and that we can still make good!
Now you need to see it only in your perspective without taking people's judgement into consideration.(dont write of people.....I only mean you have to strike a balance between yourself and people in terms of the factor that controls your mind) An example.......when it comes to achieving something.When you know you can do it you can do it............but if you think of people you would only think of a dozen of them saying you cant do it!This would lead to stress and panic.The only tool you need for achieving something is BELIEF.If you believe,you can do it!You could fail..............its not the end.......give it only the importance it needs......its only important enough to be able to learn why you failed!
Listen to good music..............preferably instrumental,something thats slow and healing and touching.Have a postive outlook and give your best to life in whatever you do.........have no feelings of guilt.......eat well and sleep well!Write back if you have anyother problem in specific.God bless You!
48.
Name:Mikel Morado
City:Greeley
Sex :Male
Age : 11
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 08 2002 / 03:50:00
Mikel Morado's Problem:
Hi. I have a 13 year old sister who, beileve it or
not I fight with a lot. When we were little, we couldn't think
of one reason to fight. We would play together and every time she
went to kindergarden I would cry my head of....my parents divorce
made us a lot closer than any 2 year old and 4 year old could be.
Anyways, I'm afraid that she doesn't love me anymore. I love her
and try to show her that I love her, but she doesn't seem to care.
I'm also afraid that if I try to talk to her about it,she'll call
me a loser or tell me that it's stupid. I cry sometimes thinking
about what I would do without my sister. I've never told anyone
my feelings, being to afraid. What should I do?
Sincerly,
Mikel Morado
Hi Mikel,
I dont understand what exactly is your problem.I figure you are not ok with your sister's attitude towards you.Well,the times change,and your sis is a teenager now.Ofcourse being a teenager does not entitle her to behave like this.........but still it could be a reason for the change of her behaviour and attitude.You see,its her time when she probably starts thinking loud and is craving to be a person and have an identity...........but its not enough experience that she has.She has her own things up her head and now you may not be the top most priority anymore(ofcourse you still hold a good position in her priority list!).She probably thinks you are old enough to manage yourself.Thats all.And Mikel,it requires you to be more independent and probably stop bugging her for everything as you would normally do.You could go to her for serious problems,but not silly ones.Try being more confident.You can be confident only when you manage a few things on your own.
And ofcourse she loves you still.No matter what attitude is outwardly shown by her(....for whatever reason),she still loves you.You still are her dear brother.And since you both have grown up together in extraordianry circumstances,the bond is all the more stronger.Your sis still loves you.........believe me!
47.
Name:cdg
City:Moore
Sex :Female
Age : 14
Date/Time of Posting: Apr 08 2002 / 03:25:56
cdg's Problem:
ok, i just started going out with this guy about 3
days ago. but we were really good friends before we started going
out . but every time i talk to him like on the phone he keeps on
saying that he loves me and i hardly ever say anything back to him
. then he asks me if i love him . i always end up saying yes ...
but i don't know thta i do love him yet ... i kind of feel like
i'm being pushed into the relationship .. so if you have any ideas let me know...
love... cdg
Hi cdg,
If you feel your being pushed into the relationship............pull yourself back!Thats the best thing to do........for both yourself and him.Theres no point in forcing yourself into a relationship just because every other person seems to be apparently blessed into a lovely relationship.Its not something that you have to do as a formality!
If you dont appreciate the relationship in the manner in which he intends,then be frank and let go of the false hopes you might be filling in him.Your not saying that you love him doesnt mean he would think you dont love him.Your silence could be giving away signals too.....and they are misleading!
So talk to him and say you dont want it this way.........and its fine with only the friendship
46.
Name:Gabby
City:Southhadley
Sex :Female
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 07 2002 / 18:24:36
Gabby's Problem:
My botfriend is great he loves me alot and he doesnt
care if we have sex but iknow that he still wants to but does not
push it i feel like i want to but im not sure im afraid if i do
imight loose him so what should i do?
Hi Gabby,
Well sex is not just sex.It has several strings attached to it............and you need to be a little more older for understanding it.Knowing the physical sense of sex is not knowing everything about it.I sound like any other.............Makes me look like an ass........but fortunately it doesnt make me wrong!You gotta wait!I'm sure you'll appreciate the wait,after the wait!Atleast you wouldnt have lost anything!
45.
Name:Gabby
City:SouthHadley
Sex :Female
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 07 2002 / 18:21:33
Gabby's Problem:
ok my boyfriend is the best he used tolike my best
friend when meand him broke up the last time after 3 months andnow
he desnt like her he sayys he loves me and i believe him but nowme
and my friend arnt well friends any more and i now shes gonna do something what should i do?
Hi Gabby,
Atleast by now you should have understood that your guy has no stable mind and I would ask you to not bother anymore about this guy.Theres no point in pursuing any kind of relationship with the guy.For all you know he turned against you once and he might do it again for any reason.
Now answering to your question about your friend....YES you could patch up with her and probably you appologise to her if you feel you have done any wrong to her or if she feels you have wronged her.
44.
Name:Chris
City:small town nr manchester, England
Sex :Male
Age : 15
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 07 2002 / 12:37:48
Chris's Problem:
When I was about five my mum died and although this
did not cause upset at the time (I was too young to have fallen
out with her and so it was just like she was going somewhere else),
it did mean that me and my dad had to move to this small-ish town
with my stepmum. Now don't get me wrong: they're really nice people,
and I feel really lucky to have them with me. But i have had severe
problems. The kids in this town aren't bothered about getting A*
and GCSEs. None of their parents went to university. They speak
in a strict dialect of grunts and swearing. My dad on the other
hand writes poetry and has several degrees. My stepmum is a social
worker. It's very hard to explain, but I've managed to get to 15
without really ever having had much of a social life. School was
the only place to meet people and they all treated me like shit
si I had really low confidence.I used to get so depressed that I
would hit my head on the wall and stuff, but I stopped when I saw
how pointless it was. The thing is, I made some new "friends" out
of school: It took a long time, but eventually I now have a few more names on my phone.
The main problem now is that one of them invited me to a party a
while ago. Now I've never been very good at those things, but I
thought, right, I'll be confident, I'll go and talk to people, they've
invited me so why shouldn't I be there? Except when I got there
everyone was smoking cannabbis. At 15 i don't want to smoke it.
that's a no-no. Coupled with this and my Dad not wanting to me to
go near alchohol (or "Gasp! well, i hope you don't drink any BOOZE!")
it means I don't enjoy myself at these things. I got invited to
another one, so along i went, and that wqasn't much better. Now
i'm trapped: I've gone for so long without friends that just being
with a group of people is great, but then I'm scared because I don't
want to drugs and I feel guilty If I go near beer. What can I do?
Hi Chris,
I dont "drink BOOZE" or use drugs.............absolutely nothing.I hope that qualifies me to say some words to you!
I dont do it because I can do without it......and I dont think its a fashion that can be adopted(not all fashions are adoptable.......just because they are "fashions or trends").
The most evergreen fashion I believe is to stick to your morals and likes and dislikes and sticking to your senses!
The sad part about self confidence is that it vanishes as soon as we dont do something the other person is doing or the whole world around you is doing...............although you know it could be wrong!You want to fit in........you want to have a smoke to make you feel confident,when the people around you are smoking......do drugs if they are doing.So what if you dont do all this?Does it mean you are not the so called "brave man".
Ofcourse not.Then whats eating away your confidence level?
Perhaps you dont completely vouch for what you believe in......somewhere you feel that you have to do drugs to please the crowd.......somewhere you feel that you are going wrong........
You would have a high self confidence only if you stand up for what you believe.......when you can talk out for what you believe.........when you believe what you believe completely,with no sort of "may be or may be not" ideas.You must feel great that you can be an exception.You can show this in the most humblest way and get away without any misunderstanding or.....I mean dont discount anyone else if they smoke or do drugs.At the most if he is your close friend you could say not to do it just once......and leave it.Its only when you get judgemental with regard to their ways,that they would dislike you.Have your way and dont clash with others'.They would realize with time and understand later.
The best solution would be to find people(or even one person) who dont do drugs /smoke/drink and be happy about it.
Not bothering about A*'s is foolish.......you dont become foolish if someone else is!.
Keep your feet on the ground!
43.
Name: Ali
City:Harwood
Sex :Female
Age : 14
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 07 2002 / 04:21:31
Ali's Problem:
hey anyone who will listen...
my name is Ali and I just entered the 8th grade this year. Alot
of things have changed for me since 7th grade, some for better some
for worse, but one thing that keeps on bugging me is my drifting
relationship with my old friends. when I was 7th grade, everything
was perfect. I had a large group of people who I thought were my
friends, and i think i was blind to the fact that I was turning
into a mindless "puppet" if you will that was ALWAYS following the
crowd. All i cared about was my obsession with Brent (a boy I was
in love with, or so I thought).
This year thought I got put into a diffrent class than my friends
and i thought it was the end of the world! Little did I know that
my whole social life would change. To this day all my "friends"
do is fallow eachother around and act like their life sucks because
of one uunimportant thing that happend to them. anyway....the truth
is I dont have any realy friends, only ones that are only friends
half the time. Now I find myself wanting to talk to soemone very
badly. In case you havent noticed, Im not a stereotype 14 year
old, and Im sick of see all those t.v. shows like "Lizzie MacGuire"
who make it seem like life is perfect and it will be ok in the end
all the time. Please...I just need someone to talk to. If you
feel the same way please e-mail me or write back
~Ali~
Hi Ali,
"If you feel the same way.........".
Well,Ali.......I dont feel the same way at the moment,but I can say I have been in a situation like this,yes I have gone through this.
All I can say is that you would feel lost....and probably "cheated".
Theres no one you can blame.Ali,You need to do some thinking and understanding here.We all need our friends badly all the time and sometimes to an extent that you cant live a normal life without them.Now you need to understand the fact that life would give us many friends in every walk....every new class and every new place you go to.
Its upto us to pick the best friend suitable to our nature.It would only kick wrath if you have about 15 close friends and get emotionally attached to each one of them.Having 15 best friends is ofcourse a nice thing,but its almost impossible(I mean all 15 from the same place/class.)
Its important to choose our friends,friends who'll remain friends irrespective of any other factor apparently seperating the two of you.Its only upto you to choose the right person who can match your thinking,who can understand and laugh with you for "your kind of jokes",who shares common interests with you.............etc.
In your new class I am sure that you can find the best person suited to you.Dont coil upto yourself thinking of your old friends...etc and that you cant enjoy without them.There's always a change with time and you must adjust best to it.
Stop feeling insecure because of the absence of your old friends.No one has intentionally put you in this situation and so you must also stop feeling "cheated" if at all you are feeling so.
You have a wonderful opportunity to make new friends and enjoy life............make use of it and stop brooding!Good Luck!
42.
Name:Trish
City:Hollywood
Sex :Female
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 06 2002 / 18:31:55
Trish's Problem:
I like this boy and i think this boy likes me and
i'm not sure. A couple of his friends know i like him. So should
i get them to investigate to see if he likes me or should i play
it low and just wait and playhard to get?
Hi Trish,
Wait,but dont play hard to get and have unwanted complications........thats the one line answer straight to the point.Besides you are 12 and I would want you to wait for another 3 or 4 years,thats when you can even vaguely figure out what exactly you want.It may seem all sensible and right at the moment now.........but time would be the real answer to your question......your thoughts and ideas may change drastically.......so dont give in to momentary "kicks" and react impulsively.Good Luck Trish!
41.
Name:Sushil
City:Patna
Sex :Male
Age : 19
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 06 2002 / 05:57:17
Sushil's Problem:
I HAVE SECURED 49.67 % MARKS IN QUALIFYING EXAMS AND
I WANT TO KNOW THAT _ " AM I ELIGIBLE FOR CET KARNATAKA / AIEEE
OR NOT ? "(I.e Is my percentage marks can be calclated as 50 % after rounding off or not ?)
please guide me .
Thanking you.
Hi Sushil,
I am afraid not Sushil....even the decimals count!They cannot round it up to 50%!....That doesnt make you incapable or anything...its the rigidity of the system!
40.
Name:Ishikha
City:Bangalore
Sex : Female
Age : 19
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 04 2002 / 08:48:21
Ishikha's Problem:
hi..my problem is that i study only in the nite after
11 or 12...before that i dont like to study...durin exams if i make
up my mind i can stauy the whole day but usually i study in the
nite....even if i dont hve to study on a particular day i dont feel
sleepy...so i sleep only at 3 or 4 in the nite....my frndz tell
me that i hve a serious problem and need to consult a doctor.....i
sleep it 7..and then i also take rest in the evenin....so i feel
i hve enough rest.....plz could me what i could do for this....i would be very thankful to u..
regards
ishikha
Hi Ishikha,
Well,Ishika........sleep is a very personal thing varying from person to person and one cannot change his/her sleep schedules altogether.For example....i cannot stay awake after about 10pm.....but i wake up around 3:30am.While my brother can even stay awake the whole night but he can never wake up early!
And if u mess around with sleep schedules.....fatigue and stress is the result.
But all I can say is that you certainly need a minimum of 5 hours of continuous sleep.Thats a basic need for the body and mind.
If you can probably advance your bed time by steps of 15 minutes...by the end of a week it would mean about 2 hours of more sleep!Try doing it.
A regular excercise for about one hour a day will give you good sleep in the nights.....atleast 5 hours of continuous sleep.
Dont neglect sleep...it is as essential as your your state of being awake.Dont take sleeping pills and addict your body constitution to it.If necessary take it after a prescription by a good physician.
Sleep tight,Good night!
39.
Name:Courtney
City:Drums
Sex : Female
Age : 13
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 03 2002 / 22:08:32
Courtney's Problem:
Ive got these friends heather,jess they are one day
my friend then the next they hate me!I dont no why they wont say
does it always have to be this way?
Hi Courtney,
Probably,some aspect of yours is not so welcome by them.....try finding it out.Talk to them.......thats the only solution.You could always sort it out!
38.
Name:Lindsay
City:Montgomery
Sex : Female
Age : 12
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 03 2002 / 03:58:14
Lindsay's Problem:
I have a problem with boys see i can't tell if they
realy like me! are there any ways that i can tell for sure?
Hi Lindsay,
Be yourself and never ever try to impress the opposite sex..............I dont mean indifference or arrogance!Trying to impress in most probability would turn out the opposite of what you intend to.
A guy would like you (not necessarily in the way you want him to like you) if he doesnt try to avoid you or deliberately try not to talk to you......etc.Thats the most obvious way of knowing it.Its a series of actionswhose cumulative effect could mean if he likes you or not.....you cannot judge either way by just one action.You need to be level headed and judge your own circumstances by attaching the right importance to the actions.Never over react.
37.
Name:Erin
City:Accokeek
Sex : Female
Age : 14
Date/Time of Posting:Apr 02 2002 / 22:27:21
Erin's Problem:
Lately, me and my best friend have been fighting.
Not fist fighting but like argueing and its really ruining our friendship.
She has been spending a lot of time with other people but so have
I. Its like we don't have time for eachother anymore. But when we
do talk, well we don't even talk anymore, all we do is argue. I
don't know what to do. She has been my bestfriend for 3 years and
I don't want to lose her because of stupid things. What do I do?
Hi Erin,
I see what your going through...............its a personal experience to me too!
Now you both havereached such an extent of closeness that you have started taking each other for granted...and stopped thinking of the other person's interests.Now the result is what you are seeing.Or there could have been some instance when one of you did not like the other person's behaviour in whatever way......it could be a plain unintentional mistake on the defaulter's part,but you have not bothered to discuss it out,instead you yourself(either of you) drew conclusions.Thats not ok.
The first thing you need to do is talk,appologize,be frank and stop having an air about yourself............in any issue.I am saying this to both of you.....but you can act on it ,'cause your reading this!
You have to stop taking each other for granted on the pretext of your closeness......it acts on a subconscious level and manifests in a horrible form as it has today,for the two of you.You need to understand the fact that,no matter how close a relationship you share,it takes just one wrong word or one careless act to ruin you friendship.You cant afford to forget your sorries even if you forget your thank you's.At the same time it doesnt rquire you to be formal and artificial about the friendship....be more considerate and understanding.Feel responsible about your friend and the relationship you share.The relationship is as much in your hands as you think its in your friend's hands.Let go of ego and feelings of "I cant go wrong...its not my fault!".You need to give in here and there.Talking is a major solution to all differences.You need to talk out a lot.Things will be fine.
All that I have said applies equally to you and your friend........but since you are reading it,make use of it.Good Luck!.
36.
Name:******
City: Bangalore
Sex : Female
Age : 14
Date/Time of Posting: Apr 02 2002 / 16:16:11
******'s Problem:
hi...my prob is as under..
1. i have very high ambitions but i dont know if i can succeed in
fulfillin them....i want to do my BTech in IIT but i m not able
to understand if i m capable of gettin thru the entrance...
2. i m an introvert....becoz of this it is very difficult for me
to get along with ppl esp with guys....i dont know why i m like
that...i dont like talkin to guys face to face...i dont like guys
callin me up...when i tell this to my frndz they feel i m very studious
and stuff like that and they tease me over it....it has come to
my knowlegde from someone that i hve very good communication capability
but becoz i m a introvert i feel it very difficult to face ppl.....
3. the last prob is that i hve this habbit of tellin what ever i
do or whatever my frndz tell me to my mom...my mom is like my frnd....she
is like my sis...coz i dont hve a sis or a bro....but sometimes
i feel i shudnt be sharing somethings with her....thats what my
frndz tell me but i cant control i just blert it out....i dont
know if i shud continue with it or not....
4..sorry i guess thiswill be my last prob..actually i hve many more...ok
for now this will be that last one...i dont watch tv but i work
a lot on the net...i not only chat but i lov goin thru some nice
sites like FT.COM (financilimes) and ET.COM(economic times) ..i
m very much interested in finance..now the prob here is that...i
dont know if i shud choose commerce or science.....in 11th...i m
in 10th in #### and i m sure i ll get a seat for 11th ( i m not over
confident though)..in my knowledge i hve come to know that mostly
ppl who r dull only take up coomerce and arts and stuff.....so i
m confused as to i hve to take up science or commerce and one more
thing is that we dont hve commerce in 11th in #### but i want to continue in ####...
ok i guess u would hve got tired readin this....plz do help me man
vijai....i hve been as frank as possible here....actually very very
frank..dont u think so...ok then bye
regards
******
Hi ******,
Well no,******....I am not tired.........I am charged up by your amazing frankness and the detailed manner you have written to me.Thanks for the honour!
I shall answer to your problems in the same order....with corresponding serial numbers you have indicated.
1.I am happy you have already laid the foundation to your dream............"I want to............" ....means a lot.
As long as you have the strong will and ambition to get into IIT,theres nothing that should prevent you from attempting it....not even your past performances are an indicator of your chances with JEE.Dont have any preconceived notions about your capapbilities and you can give your best shot.Your dreams and ambitions are the ones that can take you through,they are the ones that can explore your capacity,the stronger your dreams and aspirations are......the better you can push through your comfort zone of working to achieve and........as long as you want it you cannot stop from tryng it.Not trying is the only failure known to me!
Dont judge yourself by what people think of you.Just sit down and ask yourself (......forget the influences of people's ideas,forget your past performances......forget any other distractor...its only you and your life and your dream!)........how badly i wanna make it........if its bad enough,then its good enough to take you through.Ward off negative distractors...that say to you that you cant do it!
All this is about the self confidence aspect.
Now comes the way of working.............theres a shortcut to IIT.............its hardwork,grit............pushing beyond your comfort zone,sacrifice in whatever manner........and a real positive obsession!You need to value your dreams more than anything else!Now,how much hardwork you put in depends on how serious and dear your dream is to you.
2.Well I must be frank to say that being an introvert is not a good thing(...extrovert is also not good,though!).Its quite a disadvantage.....even to the extent that people may start taking you for granted!How to get rid of it?
Derive confidence from within,have no fear of being judged by people around;often they are as good or as bad as you!
Get into a habit of regular meditation.....gives you a good,stable and strong mind..............it increases your confidence in leaps and bounds.You would get rid of all silly worries,that might be subconsciously nagging you.Meditation is not a religious thing and is a scientifically proven technique!
Your attitude towards guys?Stop thinking that you have to impress every guy you speak to.Thats probably a good reason why you dont wanna talk to them.I know this sounds rude,but dont flare up,just think.....it could be a reason!Stop thinking its a big deal talking to guys........dont have inhibitions whatsoever.Simply putting,........once you understand its not a big deal talking to guys.....it becomes a "small deal"...that you can do!Again,dont have fears of being judged by the guys.Be what you are.....talk freely and normally.If you ever talk to a guy dont fear the world would "pair you up" or something!......dont think the guys are expecting from you all the time!Most of the conversations would be friendly unconditional conversation that theres no reason you should shy away.
Now I am not saying your wrong.....its only aminor attitudinal problem,.....which you can easily solve with a little thinking!
3.Its nice that your mom is almost a friend....good that you discuss things with her....its very healthy and nice........your mom is certainly a psychological boost to you.........exactly the way it should be.Absolutely no problem in discussing things with her....she's your mom!
But,theres a "but" in the issue!Well....there are lot of things that you know moms would probably "over react".....although you know its fine(.....and you should be within limits though!).To avoid unnecessary "wrath"............you can afford to not say certain things....and not feel guilty about it.After all you know your mom's teperament.....you know what would she over react for!You
cant probably tell her "I got a punishment at school today".....and expect her to take it lightly.....after all you could have been punished for some silly reason!
Every mom thinks her kid is still a kid no matter the age and always be protective about her and always have the fear of her kid going the wrong way.Result of this....she'd get worried about things you say and also may kind of lead to no privacy.(I mean privacy from all the pranks you may play or all the small mess ups.)
It also helps you to think independently...instead of bugging your mom all the time......thats very important!
Bottom line.........know your limits and responsibilities!
4.Now its again a case of fear of being judged.......fear of being judged as a dud or a dumb person or....whatever.....,if you take commerce.
Again...I'd wanna say you have to do what you like...and not do something that others want you to...or do smething to make others happy!Doing what you like is not a question of upholding your ego....but its a question of doing well in life.After all you would do well only if you like what you are doing....as simple as that....So,without attaching external strings....to your decisions......think for yourself what you wanna do....if you are confused,narrow down your reasons for choosing science or commerce.......and think calmly.If you choose commerce.......theres absolutely no harm....its as demanding a field as science........where you have to use your head!Commerce is in no way less than science.Rewards for your profession is based on you and not on your field!
Now taking commerce would certainly mean out of ####...........so what?Why cant you do something different .........why do you have to feel insecure if others didnt take commerce?.....Your biggest security is your dream and liking.What else do u need?
Leaving #### for commerce does not mean a wrong choice!At this point,probably its the first "sacrifice"....towards making a career of your choice!Absolutely no problem.Life is equally blissful and challenging outside ####!
****** ...I wish you all the success an may all your dreams come true.....and may your fruits be worthy of your hardwork!
35.
Name:Jessica
City:_________
Sex : Female
Age : 10
Date/Time of Posting: Apr 01 2002 / 21:52:20
Jessica's Problem:
when i grow up i want to be a vet i want to volunteer
to practice but how do i learn now for the future? is there a site? thanks for your help
Hi Jessica,
Nice that you wanna become a vet.With all the animals around you ,you will have a good time!
You dont have to seriously get into the details of becoming a vet right now.But its enough if you have abasic general knowledge about how things work in the animal world,...very simple stuff you can know.By this you can build your interest and realize your dream in the future.By the time you reach college you can have a fairly good idea as to "what is what"......in a very rudimentary level.You can do this by making a lot of observations around you....if you have a pet or a neighbour's pet.....looking at how they behave and what they like and what they dont,understanding their basic behaviour pattern.....signs of their hunger......how to see if they are behaving abnormal.....if they are sick.....etc.Observation is very important.
You can get a lot of information on the internet as well as a near by library.Make use of the information resoursces around you......all this has to be done as a passion,and not on a professional scale........or else you would get bored or lazy!Use a search engine such as Google and try to get information for the specific thing you are looking for.You will certainly find answers!
Keep smiling and enjoy your adventures!
34.
Name:Theresa
City: Moorhead
Sex : Female
Age : 15
Date/Time of Posting: Apr 01 2002 / 19:59:09
Theresa's Problem:
Hey there~
I'm so glad I heard about this website because I need some
help. I don't really have a problem I just want to start researching
some things out so that when I graduate highschool I have some sort
of direction. I'm thinking about becoming a nurse, but I have a
few questions about it. #1: Is there such a thing as working as
a nurse JUST in the maternity ward? I love newborns and was wondering
if I could have a job just working w/ them instead of other areas
of the hospital too. #2: Well this goes kinda w/ number one~Does
a nurse in the maternity ward have to help w/ a delivery, or can
there just be a nurse to be oncall in the nursery? See I don't
like blood and all that and I don't really think I could handle
it. I just want a job where I take care of the babies and maybe
help the mother after a delivery or something. #3~How many years
of schooling does this require? Well thank you very much for your
time and if you can't help me I'll understand because this site
is probably for other types of questions. Thanks again!!
always Theresa
Hi Theresa,
Well,first of all I want to say that this site is not only for the "other types of questions"........every question is treated with equal regard and theres no rule as such,about the kind of problem that can be posted on my site.
Feels good that you have started thinking of your future,and its nice to learn that you want to become a nurse.
Yes you could be only in a maternity ward but you cannot probably become a nurse only for that.When you become a nurse,you will be a nurse in general,but the circumstances of the working hospital might be more decisive in assigning the department that you may have to handle.Yes you could probably choose to be only in the maternity ward,given an option.Well,may be you would have to necssarily handle deliveries,you cannot avoid it.I am sure by the time you become a nurse you will become more mature and tolerant towards blood........that wouldnt be a problem.YES,you will certainly have a lot of time with babies if you are in the maternity ward.Becoming a nurse probably requires 2 or 3 years of schooling.The bottom line of nursing is that you have to be compassionate and tolerant and have a warm and motherly attitude towards the patients.Thats more important than the formal training that you would be taking up.
All the success in the future and may your dreams come true.
33.
Name:John
City: New York
Sex : Male
Age : 14
Date/Time of Posting: Mar 31 2002 / 05:35:45
John's Problem:
Ok heres my promblem theres a girl I really like her
but I'am not sure if she likes me we have one class together and
rarly ever talk because we have very different freinds.
At school I keep to my self and try not to attract much attention.And
she acts the same way but mostly hangs out with the popular people
I think she doesn't like them much thought.I hang out with the people
I like as freinds some are popular and some aren't.I'am just to
shy to ask her to date me and I really dont want any one else to
ask her for me.It's kind of weird because I could beome one of the
popular people and maybe get to talk to her more but I cant just
forget about my freinds.How should I approach this I really like
her and its not one of those crushs you forget about over night.Please help and thanks for your time.
Hi John,
Try finding some way out.....to talk to her.You said you have a common class....that would be a good opportunity.Gather some "courage" and just simply talk about something under the sun thats relevent to both of you....studies or...whatever.Well, I mean get to know her first and become a good friend.....and later may be you could ask her out...its not wise to straight away ask her out.Think straight and be normal!Good luck!
32.
Name:Lizzy
City: Hull
Sex : Female
Age : 15
Date/Time of Posting:Mar 30 2002 / 21:02:02
Lizzy's Problem:
erm...i get really sweaty! this sounds stupid, and
i know that compared to some people's teenage problems it pails
into insignificance, but i get embarrassed about it all the same.
i used to get really sweaty armpits, which is unusal for a lass.
until about a month ago i didnt dare wear t-shirts wiv sleeves when
i went out cos dey used 2 get wet patches. it made a lot of washin!
then my dad, who is gr8t about that sort of thing , got me some
deoderant which works (to the best degree yet) so that side of it is under control.
However the thing that worries me is that i get very sweaty hands.
they drip and go all clamy and minging. now i have a boyfriend and
i want to b able to hold hands with him without bein ashamed. at
the moment i can just manage if i turn off all the heatin and open
the windows before he comes round, but i'm dreadin the warmer weather,
because that just magnifies the problem.
All the advice i can get from the people i've asked is to run
my wrists under cold water. i live in the real world tho, and this
isn't always practical. i wondered if you could help. it is normally
worse when i'm nervous, and of course i get into a vicious circle,
cos havin sweaty hands makes me even more nervous.
do you have any suggestions plz?
thanx for readin this
Hi Lizzy,
Hey I have a friend who really gets sweaty.....I know him for about 12 years now...he's absolutely fine and people dont hesitate to even shake hands with him!
Its all up in your head...if you keep thinking and getting obsessed about the sweat and develop complexes...theres no end to it.
Change your attitude towards the issue and dont think people will dislike you for this.Be confident and feel strong from within.Dont get nevous and over react.Stop thinking of what people think of you....its not escapism its the best way to find peace....after all this is not a social challenge or something,that it will be called escapism if you'll stop thinking of people's reactions.Its just that you may have a little more than normal sabaceous glands(if my biology is right I'd say this!)....and its not a problem of concern.
Do consult a doctor to see if he can do something about it....do this only if you cant really stop worrying.
A small tip:
You may be doing it;but still I wanna tell u.....Have a handkerchief all the time...in your pocket......especially out of home.
Learn to be more confident and have no complexes.....LIVE Life!
31.
Name:Rachelle
City: Los Angeles
Sex : Female
Age : 16
Date/Time of Posting: Mar 30 2002 / 20:36:39
Rachelle's Problem:
ok i just turned 16 and i've never had a b/f. there
have been guys that like me but they don't do anything about it.
anyways about a month ago i got this letter from a girl in my class
saying that it was from some guy. the note said that he thinks i'm
cute &ll that good stuff..... so i wrote back & we kept writing
back to eachother& talking for a while, but i never got to see this
guy so i told him in a letter that "he should be a man about it
and show me who he is" and i also said "do us both a favor and go
up to me and get it over w/" i really don't know if that was too
aggresive or not but i left a message on his pager saying i was
sorry if i upset him and i didn't really mean to and he never returned
my message. then about an hour ago i left a message saying I'm sorry
and i wanna know y i haven't heard from himand he hasn't returned
that either! i'm really confused...... did i say something wrong?do
i sound to needy? does he just hate me completely now? or is he
playing hard to get? i really don't know! what should i i do? please help me. thank you
Hi Rachelle,
Well,I should say its not wise to gi crazy about someone you havent met,pretty much like going crazy about someone on the net.All you would be doing is building up a marvellous dream and when your expectations are dashed by reality.......all the sorrow is yours!(I mean the probability of this is quite high).The person could be totally the opposite of what he/she claims....and there's no accountability whatsoever.Ofcourse it feels good to trust someone but its only a stupid way of not wanting to think of the not so pleasant aspects.
Now,your friend could always be playing a prank on you!.....Watch out,......a friendly prank,though!
Its foolish to be attached to someone you havent met!.............Its hard to take this for you....but you cant help it.If the guy really wanted to meet you he could have always done so.The whole thing is a meaningless wild goose chase!
Forget this issue and get going with other interesting things in life,a boyfriend can always work out for you in the future,but dont screw up your present!
30.
Name:Wanda
City: Wichita Falls
Sex : Female
Age : 16
Date/Time of Posting: Mar 30 2002 / 13:41:45
Wanda's Problem:
I need to find some sort of contract I can make with
my parent and myself about driving and the rules that I will need
to follow and what is expected from both parties.
Hi Wanda,
I would say only one thing....go ahead with driving only if you are confident and always follow the rules...........dont bring about agony and distress by behaving irresponsibly.First get a permit.
29.
Name:David
City: Orlando
Sex : Male
Age : 20
Date/Time of Posting: Mar 27 2002 / 22:18:27
David's Problem:
I just spent 5 weeks working on a school project with
five other students. A person in my class (not in my group) saw
what our group was working on and said that we had a great presentation
idea and they plan to copy it. Other groups heard and came by and
also said they were going to use our idea. We worked awfully hard
on our project and it is very frustrating to see that all of our
work will be used by others. There is another two weeks left before
these projects get turned in. What do we do, if anything?
Thanks,
Dave
Hi David,
You feel cheated when someone else copies your idea and shows the world as their's....esp. if the idea is too good and you have worked a lot on it!
But Dave you cannot possibly go and stop the others from copying your idea.....they wouldnt listen I know.I know that its natural for you to seek appreciation and full credit to what you have done,'coz you deserve it.Now,you need to see things in a broader perspective and LET GO the copy cats around you.After all they know its your idea.
Seeking credit for the wonderful job that you have done is very natural and yes ofcourse you deserve it.But there are times in life when you dont get recognised for your work or you dont get the full credit for your work,after all the sweat and slog.
Its you who can give yourself the best reward for the work you have done....self-satisfaction.Thats the most important thing .Stop seeking external acclaim in small issues.......dont get attached to external acknowledgement so much that you reduce your efficiency and stop putting your best.Work for yourself and satisfy your soul.Anyway such incidents wouldnt happen often and you need to let go of such ocassional instances.
The only thing which pains to you is that your teacher wouldnt know its your idea.......yes thats the worst!
But see how much knowledge you have gained in the process and the thought process you have given your head to get that idea(you and your team).You have used your head and the more you use it,the better it gets!This is the best reward for your sweat and slog.Your classmates have taken your idea and have never thought on their own....see what a loss they have incurred?They have not thought and made use of their heads.....!
You will be a better fighter and accomplisher in the days to come,'coz you know how to think and they dont.
Also you have learnt a big lesson as to how to keep team work confidential and not "leak" your ideas to others!
Now arent you in a better position than your classmates....have you not learnt more?
Isnt this a good reward for your work?YES it is!
Dont take this issue as a serious blow on your team.......YOU ARE THE WINNER and you know it!
The best attitude you can have towards this issue is to let go!Broaden your thoughts and your mind to help yourself let go!Just think....after all this wouldnt change your life for the worst forever!
And Dave,you know what?
"Imitation is the highest form of admiration."
You class mates admire your team and you,they only dont wanna accept it.....but anyway they have already done it by copying your idea!You will certainly get enough opportunities to prove your worth repeatedly.Good Luck Dave,and may you have a bright eventful future!
28.
Name:Lindsey
City:Houston
Sex : Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting: Mar 27 2002 / 03:09:44
Lindsey's Problem:
All through Seventh Grade (Iam at the end of eighth
grade now) Me and this guy were best friends. Then at the end of
last year, he told me he was moving schools and promised we whould
still remain best friends regardless of what schools we went to.
Now We almost never talk and he has called me only once to tell
me happy Birthday. I miss him so much and He is always in my thoughts.
I have confronted him through E-mails about it, and every time he
apologises and says how busy he has been, but promises to make more
of an effort. Should I confront him face to face? I'm getting sick
of him being to busy for me. It been so long since we have been
friends that I'm sure my friends are sick of hearing about him. What should I do?
Hi Lindsey,
Stop being obsessed with him.....alright?
There could be several reasons that he's not able to keep in touch with you.Perhaps he cannot afford to make calls to you,because of his parents or other reasons......afford I mean moneywise.Or he's not in a position to get on the net often.Whatever be the problem,he probably feels uncomfortable in telling you the exact reason.You cant do anyhing about it.Try to be more understanding and reduce your expectations.......your problem will vanish.
If you have any "feelings" for him...try talking it out and relieve yourself.If he doesnt like you the same way as you like him.......cant help it.You need to widen your thoughts and look at the issue in a better manner....instead of gettig obsessed like this.Good Luck Lindsey!
27.
Name:Jamie
City:Franklin
Sex : Female
Age :8
Date/Time of Posting: Mar 26 2002 / 17:56:22
Jamie's Problem:
well I can`t focuce on what i`m doing in school.
I just sit there staring at the first thing i see and then i never
get my work done. I don`t know how to stay foced on what i`m doing.
Sometimes on tests i just sit there thinkinhg about nothing and
when the time is up for the test i did`t do any of it.
Dear Jamie,
You have no problem,you have it in you.........the only thing you need to work on is your attitude and way you work.
The very fact that you have written to me shows that you wanna be a better student and you know its possible!Yes even I'd say its possible.All you need to do is.............
First organise your daily work and dont deviate from it.How not to deviate?...This is a problem only in the initial stages.For this you need to set goals....small goals first and one final big goal such that every small goal you accomplish should be a part of your big goal!Every small goal should be directed towards achieving that big goal.You need to tell yourself that to acheive your goal you have to keep up your schedules.Once you get going with your schedules,believe me its difficult to not follow it.......YES!And do not disrespect your small goals..they mean more than your ultimate goal......without the small goals being accomplished you cant get the big one!
Do you know what could be the most possible reason to not be able to focus on studies?One sure possibility is plain laziness!Yes....laziness means procastination of your work,leading to piling up of work,leading to not finishing new work because of the old work still pending!This is a cycle and it leads to not liking the subject and doing bad in it.It could be a simple wordlist that you may have to learn.......why postpone?.....unless you have other priorities......which must be more important.Do daily studies....its only about an hour a day...I am sure of it.But it would take you a long way.A lot of times you wouldnt completely follow whats being taught in class.So you can go home and give it another reading.This helps you understand your lessons and most importantly you can follow it up in the next class.If you dont do your home reading,you would find the subject getting more complex everyday and finally you'd lose interest in the subject...and may even lead to fear of the subject and perhaps even dsiliking the teacher of that subject...thats very unhealthy!Result of all this....bad scores!
Deviate yourself from studies.....play a lot,listen to music,pursue hobbies,learn to play an instrument if u can.....exercise everyday,.....meditation would help you improve your concentration and you'd become a lot more goal-centric in life...and stop "staring at the first thing you see".
If you have any other social problems like "unfriendly friends"...etc,talk to your parents or elders in your immediate family or friend circle....relieve yourself and feel light and healthy from within....stop worrying.If you have any such thing that bothers you constantly....do some talking to people...or you could write back to me.
Dont write yourself off because of your bad performances in any test or exam and never stop fighting and never lose hopes.Jamie,I wish you all the success!
26.
Name:Amy
City:Lamanda
Sex : Female
Age :11
Date/Time of Posting: Mar 22 2002 / 02:21:28
Amy's Problem:
i have a suvire case of adhd ( attention deficet hearing
disorder) My friends find me very annoying and my parents are worried
for me. No one likes me and when i try to be realy calm everyone
thinks i am depressed. I can never be normal! What should i do?
Dear Amy,
"I can never be normal!".................YOU are very much normal is what I'd say,.....
I can understand the way people might treat you,but you need to grow from it Amy.You need to know your strengths and weaknesses equally well and get going to achieve what you want in life.You need to write-off the attitude of people at times and not give a damn........I know its hard but its one thing that would give you peace and strength from within.........and it would help to stop having a negative effect on your self-confidence.Stop reacting to people's reactions about you,the way you have been reacting all this while!Thats the first step.
Do not bother about the way your friends treat you.........its easy for me to say this though.
But I want you to realize the above sentence in its fullest sense and meaning in complete...........pause and think now,right NOW! Isnt hat the best thing you can do and the best fitting reply you can possibly give them.If they think you are a loser when you are calm and dont react to them in they way they expected you to(i.e. by retorting),let them think whatever they want........just let it be as it is.Dont react or over-react!Dont worry or feel let down when people would kick up a joke on you...its nothing....people around you are either fools or animals or both.They do not know you completely and thats why they are doing it.Forgive them and the best result of this.....you feel more confident about yourself and find a lot more peace.
Theres one thing that you could do with people really close to you....that includes your best friends,parents and relatives.Dont be rude with them when they get annoyed with you.......and let me tell you that its ok if they get annoyed at you....IT IS ALL OK.....'coz you are not causing them any inconvenience or problem on purpose right?It is just that they dont have the right attitude to talk to you.But you can make the difference.Talk to them real politely and tell them it hurts when they talk to you like that and ask them to be a little more understanding towards you,and that you love them a lot.They would certainly melt down and understand you.......you'll be a lot more happier to talk to them.
With your parents,you need to assure them that you will and can manage yourself and you are fine.Ask them also to be a little more understanding if they are not.Tell them not to worry about you.You need to really talk this out with them.
The last and the most important thing that I want to tell you............
Never Ever coil up to yourself.Never Ever look down upon yourself.Nevere ever have self pity.Never Ever think you have a weakness.......You have the God given gift to concentrate on things like studies and fine arts..........not pay attention to several noisy things that the world is filled with.Never ever have feelings of inferiority.......theres no need of that!Dont ever give yourself allowances because of ADHD and set lower standards of achievements.Dream for the stars and you'll reach the moon!How many have been to the moon huh?
You have everything in you that could take you to where you wanna see yourself 10 years from now.I guarentee you of that.Never lose hopes....
Amy,you are NORMAL and have Extraordinary capabilities to achieve anything that you want........I assure you of that,and more than my assurance you need to assure every part of your mind .................till you resonate successs and strength from every part of your existence.
All my love and Best OF Luck!Do write back.....our friendship has just begun!
25.
Name:Vince Barreda
City:El Paso, TX.
Sex : Male
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting: Mar 20 2002 / 21:45:29
Vince Barreda's Problem:
hi i have a promblem you she theres this girl i like
and she is my partner in my cousins quience and she is a freshmen
and i am a eighth grader and i really like this girl (jenna) but
i don't know how too talk to her cause i wanna talk too her but
something is holding me back i start to say something but then tell
my self to forget so please help cause i really want too talk too
this girl but don't know what to talk about so help me thanks bye
Dear Vince Barreda,
The first and only thing that you need to do is to stop over reacting and hold your senses sane enough to know your on earth when you see her.I know and understand what would happen the moment you see her!Yes I know.But you need to think sane and be practical.Man...shes not from heaven,descended just for you.She too is a normal human being and is as normal as you are or as special as you are.Stop overreacting....its a very involuntary kind of thing that would happen on seeing her,but learn to keep your nerves intact!Keep your head cool and be yourself......you dont have to really do something to impress her.....dont burden yourself with that miserable responsiblity of doing something to impress her!Be normal and be yourself!This is all you need to do "too talk too her".
If she doesnt respond well, dont cry....its nothing at all.....things like this wouldnt even be "a matter" by the time you reach college and you'd know "what is what" by then!
Got it?Good Luck!
24.
Name:Lexi
City: Boston
Sex : Female
Age : 14
Date/Time of Posting: Mar 17 2002 / 03:41:40
Lexi's Problem:
My best friend stole my guy. Wat do i do now?
Hi Lexi,
Plainly and simply stated problem indeed.But it isnt as simple as that line....both you and I know that.Well,its the question of "my best friend" and "my guy"......quite a fix!
Now I'd wanna have more details about what you mean by "my guy".
Is it that you were going on with this guy and your friend intervened and kind of brainwashed your guy and "stole" him?Then you have all the right over your guy and you can sit for dialogues with your friend and after all she hasnt bothered to care for your feelings and so you dont have to carry the burden of "Will I be hurting her....".So have a straight talk with your friend and sort things out.It also depends on the guy's incilnations at this moment.IF he doesnt want you anymore then be happy 'coz he'd probably do the same thing to your friend.....she wouldnt take your words if you tell her,I know.Be happy that it did not happen after you got married or something....so whats happened now to you isnt the worst thing.....be happy tha the worst did not happen!
The other thing I'd guess is that you were trying to "get" this guy and she got him before you.Well thats hard luck for you.....you should have been the early bird and made things ok for you.Anyway now if they are going fine and are happy theres no point in calling him your guy.The best you can do is to wish them luck and be a good friend and not let this matter creep into your friendship in an unhealthy manner.Stop feeling jealous...I know its "hard";atleast dont lose your friendship is what I mean to say.Your friend deserved the guy as much as you and you cant do anything about it.......
Dont kick uninvited wrath and create hell.....try to get over him by developing a strong willpower and having the blissful hope of getting a better guy in the future...or else it'll be hell.Think "he's dead"!Say that to yourself.
Good Luck!
23.
Name:vivekj
City:Calcutta
Sex :Male
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Mar 16 2002 / 08:29:39
vivekj's Problem:
What is the last rank upto which admission is made
in Comp. Sc. Engg. or Electronics in CET base Engg. colleges.
Hey vivekj,
To get a good college you need to have a rank within 1 to 150;I can suggest that......its more important to have a good college than the branch.....I mean doing even Com.Sci.,but in a bad college would be meaningless!Good luck and hope you get a college of your choice...study hard!
22.
Name:My friend need advice
City:New York
Sex :Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Mar 16 2002 / 01:41:01
My friend need advice's Problem:
My friend is kinda having a problem because she really
doesn't want to go out with this guy and she kind of feels bad but
doesn't feel comfortable going out to eat or whatever- with this
guy she doesn't know too well. I really think that she just wants to be friends with him.
Hi My friend need advice,
You are an amazing friend to your friend,she's lucky to have you;for all the pain you have taken to write to me to solve her problem......appreciate that,truly!God bless you!
Ask your confused friend once again and properly about her intentions with the guy.Its not a good idea to declare a relationship between the two so early nor should she get into one.She should spend more time in getting to know him and take it slowly and wisely.....and I'd want you to be by her side in times of need......you know what I mean....
IF she doesnt like going out with him there should be no reason why she's hesitant in expressing her unwillingness...she must do it right away......'coz it could give ideas to the guy and lead to unecessary misunderstandings.Clear things right away...right now!
All the best!
21.
Name:Paddy
City:Galway
Sex :Male
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Mar 12 2002 / 16:30:03
Paddy's Problem:
've a bit of problem. I've a girlfriend & i absolutely adore
her but a few days ago she told me she was a bi-sexual.i told her
i stil love her but i'm worried about her soul . i don't think sexualities
apart from hetro-sexuality are right & everything tells me i can
help her out of it.i don't know if being with her is alright by
God but i'm afraid 2 pray incase he tells me to end it because i do love her . WHAT CAN I DO?
Much thanks
Hi Paddy,
There's nothing like "right" or "wrong" with respect to sexual orientations........atleast morally....and thats what even you mean by saying that sexualities other than hetro' are not right.....you mean the moral aspect right?Its after all a matter of choice or her nature and it should not really be a matter of obsession for you.You cant "correct" her.You cant say she's wrong.
All you need to look forward from her is for her to be with you and be faithful......as long as there is mutual trust in your relationship I dont think her orientations should trouble you.
If you have genuine interest you'd stick on.Even a small second thought would mean that you are cheating yourself and her.Think straight and let me tell you that your girl is FINE and you dont need to change her.
Concentrate on more important things w.r.t your relationship;things like mutual respect and understanding and things that would build a great bond between the two of you....thats vital.I mean that you dont have to feel not-ok about her orientations....thats no issue.Good Luck!
20.
Name:Jasmine
City:San Francisco
Sex :Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Mar 12 2002 / 07:08:30
Jasmine's Problem:
Okay...I am very sexually inexperienced. I haven't
done very much with guys because I get scared and uncomfortable
when things go that far. But I feel like it's abnormal to have this
fear. After all, I am 18, and many girls my age are comfortable
doing physical things with guys. How can I become more comfortable sexually with guys?
Hi Jasmine,
First of all understand that its not any rule that you need to get sexually comfortable with any Tom,Dick and Harry...thats if you wanna ask...."How can I become more comfortable sexually with guys?".....I mean "guys" aspect is not ok;perhaps "guy" is ok!
And you dont have to make other people(guys) sexually comfortable when your not ok with it.
You are not abnormal and are absolutely ok.Behave like a normal person and do not have complexes about you not having gone physical with a guy.Its required to exist only with the guy you are in love with.If you go on having a sexually explicit relationship with many guys(even 2 is bad!) it would be killing the sancity of physical love...it becomes more of an animal instinct kind of thing and theres no meaning in it.Sounds crazy?Believe me its the best attitude you could have towards "physical things".Sex is not something that would quench one's bodily desires,its something to do even with the mind.......its special in its own way and does not make sense when shared with too many people just to make other people feel good.People around you have probably not stopped to think and you have.You are going great...and are absolutely fine.What your friends are doing is no fashion but thats what they probably think.Jasmine,not all fashions are adoptable just because its "fashion".
There shouldnt be a problem in maintining your distinct identity as long as you stand for what you believe and believe strongly n what you stand for!
And getting physical with a guy is something that should creep in only when you completely trust each other and really are in senses and know where you both are heading.Only then you wouldnt have the fear or guilt or feel uncomfortable.
Hope things have gone straight into your head.Be what you are;dont do something that would impress others but would belittle your self-confidence.Dont do something that you wouldnt wanna do,left to yourself.All the best!
19.
Name:Natasha
City:_______
Sex :Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Mar 06 2002 / 17:47:05
Natasha's Problem:
I found your site through a search engine, and although I'm not terribly intereted in posting anything, I am interested in someone else's opinion on my situation. So, if you're willing...
I'm eighteen and graduated high school early (two months ago) and can't seem to shake this problem of mine. I have a following. By this, I mean a group of five-ish wonderful guys who would marry me if I would let them. I was raised by men and so I think of most of them in a very platonic way. These are my best friends, and I love having them in my life. But, I'm not interested. I've explained this to them in a thousand different ways, but when someone tells you that they think you're their soulmate, that they're in love with you, that they've never felt this way before, blah blah, there's not much you can say. All bullshit aside, I've had a decent amount of life experience myself. I grew up under less than appealing circumstances and have turned out to be a successful, hard-working, mature, intelligent, attractive young woman. I'm a very unconventional person in a very conventional town. These guys are smart, but this town is all they know, so I figure that they're just in shock from seeing someone with peircings and make-up who isn't religious and still has fun without doing drugs or acting like an asshole. They all love that I'm an activist and that I'm into feminism. I'm something different and exciting to them, I think. But, do I have the right to say to them that they're being naive? It's a major judgement, my opinion, and something that could easily destroy our friendship. I can't be totally sure that I'm right. I've talked to them all about this so many different ways. I tried being sensitive, dropping hints, bein blunt, being rude, being sreious, being silly... Everything I can think of. If theyre' really in love, then I wouldn't know how to approach it anyway. They're all extrememly intelligent and want to see the world and be different, and I love them, but it takes a certain kind of man to spark my interest -not someone who's just a friend, no matter how close we are. What's next? They're getting mad an imaptient, thinking I'll eventually come around (even though I told them I won't) God forbid I'd want to date somebody else, they'd all throw a fit. They all think that I should be dating them because they "really love me" and that dating anyone else would be a mistake. Any suggestions other than "try being straight-forward and let them know you care, etc etc"? If I lose them, I lose my closest friends and favorite people.
Natasha
Hi Natasha,
Well,you dont have much choice but to be direct and straight forward and say that you cant take them as your soulmate....there's no other way that I can think of.....after all its not good to keep them waiting with false hopesand the result only you know;.........it is bitter to them,atleast in their view!
If they have not understood till now,its only because you have probably not been clear in telling....they must have got a vague idea but they dont wanna go by that....they still want you and still wanna try their chance!
There's only one way...........confront them and without fear of hurting them!Your doing bad when you are'nt straight forward and are filling them with false hopes.
In the process you could lose a friend but if they were true friends they would really understand what you mean and still stick to you as friends.If they break away......aaah!You just would get to know why they were hanging around with you all the while!It would be an indicator of who really was "genuine" and who was not.You can really know if their friendship was unconditional or not.......;respecting your views and ideas is one thing they need to do.After all no relationship can be forced upon and they need to know this.
You extreme frankness would be instrumental in handling this situation!Good Luck.
18.
Name:Rob
City:Outer Banks, NC
Sex :Male
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Mar 01 2002 / 19:07:12
Rob's Problem:
i have a major crush on this girl, but i havent know
her for too long. well this other guy,who is my same age, but in
a grade lower than me,and not as smart(thats why hes in the 7th
grade) always hangs around her and sits with her and puts his arm
around her. i pretty sure that they have been friends for quite
a while and im friends with both of them. occasionally she will
say that im her man and hugs me and puts her arm around her and
i put mine around hers when she does this.they arnt going out but
it seems like it. i really want to ask her out and i have talked
to some of my friends here and they say that i should ask. i dont
want to ruin my friendship with either one of them, but i really
like her and there arnt too many girls to choose from in my age
group or near it since it is a small community. what should i do?
Hey Rob,
You need to be a little careful in handling the whole issue....both are your friends and you certainly wouldnt wanna hurt either of them.So,you gotta be very slow in handling the thing and not rush into a proposal or any conclusion.First clarify yourself the kind of relationship the girl is having with the other guy.Confirm it beyond any doubt;I mean,in their intentions......atleast what they mean to each other at the moment.
If they are not going on you are "lucky".Try your chance....and remember not to force yourself on her......make it a gradual thing and you have to build the relationship.....its not a one-day-thing.....its not like you ask for her and thats the end!Thats not the way you do it.Dont expect too much in the start....both of you need to first know each other good and only then proceed.
But if she is already going on with the other guy,you need to accept the fact and do nothing about it.You have to give them their space and be a good guy and not bother them in this respect.......be a gentleman;for you could always have someone waiting for you in the near future!Dont have to become a love-lorn fool or something....just be normal and face it.And one more thing...theres nothing like.."not as smart (as me)....".Everyone around is equally worthy of anything that you are worthy of.....Learn to accept people...thats the first lesson in human relationships.YOU are not the only one....have an open mind and dont have a pre-conceived notion about anyone and get judgemental about anyone.A self-confident person would see everyone around in the same regard and respect as he would see himself and would face competition.....you cannot write-off people and be happy about it.......!Have some foresight and patience and dont get too carried away with her......no matter what the consequence!
Good Luck!
16&17.
Name:Raman mahesh mathur
City:Bikaner
Sex :Male
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Feb 25 2002 / 21:58:38
Name:Yadvendra Singh Rathore
City:Bikaner
Sex :Male
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Feb 25 2002 / 21:54:07
Their Problem:
i had sent a proforma for the kcet examination for
procuring the forms by post. i forgot to send the self addressed
envolope. is there any way i can rectify the mistake and still get the forms.
tahnk you
Hi Guys,
First of all I am happy for the marvellous bond you both share.....this is friendship!Both of you make the same mistake!
I hope things dont work this way during your exams!..just joking.
Ok,now you guys can write to the CET Cell of Karnataka...the same address you used to send your DD.Both of you mail seperately through a registered post.Write them the problem and both of you quote your DD no. and date.
Give them your addresses.I think things should be fine.Also call them up.
Good Luck!
15.
Name:Allison
City:Beverly Hills
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Feb 22 2002 / 20:36:37
Allison's Problem:
I am 13 years old and in the 8th grade. I feel very
uncomfortable with myself and I am not happy with myself. I do suffer
from depression, anxiety and P.T.S.D. (Post-Traumtic Stress Disorder).
Most of my friends have already had sex and have experimented w/ different drugs.
I don't believe in sex before marriage and don't do drugs.
And I have never had a boyfriend.
I know that most people would say that 13 may be to young to have
a boyfriend as it is, but in reality, it isn't. Especially when
all of my friends have/had boyfriends and I feel stupid.
I go to a very small school so everybody knows each others. Its
not the kind of school where everyday you go and meet someone new
and have the chance to meet new people.
I know my beliefs and morals. And I know what is right and what
isn't. But I want to fit in. I want guys to like me.
But it just feels like the only way guys will like me is if I have
sex w/ them or do stupid things - like drinking and drugs.
Please Help !
My dear Allison,
I should say I am deeply pained to see the way things are going on in your school/society...deeply pained.It really hurts.
But I am happy for you...inspite of all the filth around you,you have stuck to your morals and am glad that you have the right morals.Let me tell you....NEVER EVER GIVE UP YOUR MORALS,INTEGRITY,IDEAS AND VALUES THAT YOU HAVE,...no matter how "demanding" your situation is or could get at times.Did you get that right?????Thats the first step to happiness...
You are a fine example of a famous Indian saying.No matter how many venomous snakes embrace the sandal wood tree,it doesnt give up its fragrance,sancity and goodness!You stand testimonial to this great saying!
Allison,its true that all of us want to "fit in".But then its not just fitting in.Just think a little.Are all your people like the way you've described?Cant you find even one person who's normal and is like you or atleast close to your way of life?Just see...think right now and then proceed reading.If you didnt find anyone,find the best of the worst...who's closest to your ways and ideas...who's right?Get close with that person....get rid of the idea that you have to impress all the people around,impress all the guys around.You dont need to do that.But I dont mean you should stop talking to them or cut them off completely.If someone treats you badly for "this" reason,you dont have to care.
And not all guys would want to have a promiscuous relationship like the one you've said.There could be a guy who's "normal" and no-drugs-guy.
If at all you feel you need a guy badly,try making such discoveries.Yes I know yours is a small school where you probably cant make a dicovery everyday,....but I mean get to know people better.Also,having a guy is not everything......atleast right now.There would be a time in your life when you meet the guy who's "made for you".Wait for that!
The best thing is to have your own close knitted nice people;it could be even just one person.But learn to realize how blessed you are with that one person.Just for the sake of fitting in...you dont have to have sex or do drugs...its stupid and cheap!After all, you are not gonna be in this school forever right?It's just a few more years and when people see you coming out in flying colours and walking into a great college,they'd repent for all their stupidities in school.
But at the same time never coil up into yourself.Be normal and talk to everyone.Have no inferiority complexes....your no less than any one.Your infact classes ahead of others!You be yourself and define your identity in school.Thinking too much about what people will think is insanity.Indulge in things you like...use the internet to learn new exciting things,get hold of good books...enjoy!
Dont be obsessed about fitting in ok?
Some things in life are best when you leave them alone.Learn to realize that.If you cant change your people for good you dont have to change yourself for the bad.
A word about drugs...
Tell me if you're born taking drugs?Are drugs air,water or food??Have you not lived without it?And are you not normal and happy?So when does someone get addicted to drugs?The starting of your relationship with drugs is experimentation.No one is born addicted to drugs.The first step for every addict is experimentation!Dont Experiment.Drugs dont heal your pain nor can they solve your peoblems.You would agree with me that getting rid of a problem forever is better than temporarily forgetting it.Be sane and just think.Life would present you with a lot of testing times.Each blow makes you stronger.But if you confront life with drugs,each dose makes you weaker....physically and mentally.
It gives a stupid feeling...no high no pleasure..its only when you try it harder because you've been told its supposed to "take you to heaven"....that you might find the kick,,,at the cost of your life.Its almost a preconcieved notion that drugs heal and help...get rid of that notion....A large number of people do drugs to "fit in"....peer pressure as it is called.It becomes a kind of fashion or an "act of bravery".Fools believe so!
Allison,be yourself and stick to your ideals...never compromise on them to fit in.Try doing what I said.Be more determined and dont give in easily and think straight.Our friendship doesnt end with this...do mail back and pour your heart out!Keep smiling and Good Luck.
14.
Name:Brian
City:Whittier
Sex :Male
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Feb 18 2002 / 18:17:51
Brian's Problem:
Im 17 and my girlfriend is 15. Her mom doesnt want
her with any guys. Me and her have been together for a while, and
weve been playing it off telling her mom that were just friends,
but she knows the truth now. She has made it really hard for us
to see eachother. Its really hard now, and were really in-love with
eachother. I want to come to an agreement or find a solution, but
her mom is very straight minded on what she said. I dont see what
the problem is, im no threat, no drugs, and she doesnt want me around
her daughter. I dont know what to do, my girl doesnt know what to
do... Please help me before i go insane over a unfair mother. thank you.
Hi Brian,
"........and were really in-love with eachother.".....Is what you've said.So all true loves will have testing times and you are just going through one of them.There's nothing to go insane,ok???????
I know its very hard for you both to not meet each other or talk for days.But her mom wouldnt understand this anyway.So whats the point.Be patient.You could probably have your messages communicated through a common friend or via the net and dont squander the smallest chance that you could meet...I'm sure such chances would come by.Never cut off contacts...try some way out.
In a case like yours its all the more important to be futuristic.Think of tomorrow.When you are in a damn good college and later you have a damn good job and a house and a ........What could prevent her mom then?In fact you yourself will have the moral courage to go andprove your worth to her mom.
Now all this would sound sane to you only if you have genuine intentions with the girl you love and if only you have "true love".......and it would sound sane if you have not gone insane already!
So finally ,
"Its just a matter of time before your confidence will win out.....
.......so keep the faith,dont let nobody(...your girl's mom!) take you down
So keep the faith
Don’t let nobody take you down, brother
Just keep your eyes on the prize
And your feet flat on the ground
So keep the faith..........
I know that keepin’ the faith
Is never givin’ up on love
But the power that love has
To make it right
Makes it, makes it right
So keep the faith
Go on!"
---------------------- Words of MJ
Brian,You have the biggest reason to achieve something in life and I dont see any reason why you should give up.This is just a small phase..You Can Go On.Dont get obsessed with the present situation and lose hope.Your not meeting her does not mean that you cant be made for each other.She's yours and you know that.Now do what I said and get going.Fill hope into your girl too.
Good Luck and my best wishes for yours to be the most blessed union of souls!
13.
Name:Davis
City: Brookings
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Feb 18 2002 / 18:13:13
Davis's Problem:
I know this guy at school. He's really nice and funny.
All my friend's say he likes me. But I'm not sure if he actually
does. Last year he said my name sounded famous. He still does
say that. I really like him and I'm not sure if he's waiting to
ask me out or if I should ask him out. What should I do?
Hi Davis,
Now it depends on what kind of a relationship you are looking for.
If you want a serious nice relationship I'd want you to wait a little and know him better.Become a friend first and have normal casual talks and dont give out any indications of waht you intend.If you like him then go ahead.Dont go only by his looks.See what kind of company he keeps and what kind of nature he's got....it should be ok.....and only then go ahead.Dont be in a hurry.Build your relationship gradually.Go in a pace that you would stabilize in increments and by 16 you have nice loving guy by your side.
Now if your looking for a casual friendship....its nothing much.Just become his friend and be happy.You could do that by having a common friend or something or just start some conversation and kick start!
The most important part:
Dont get over obsessed with some person that you are even unable to think of studies.If thats the case then train your mind to not think of him all the time.....everytime you think of him say to yourself that you have other business.
Dont give in too much to what your friends say...dont go by that.Most of the time they would be doing it to wait and watch some fun at your cost.No,No...........I dont deny that your friends are good people ...but in issues like this,hmmmmmmmmmmm your friends are not "friends".I mean this could be a case......not "this is the case".
Be sensible and go by what your head says.And I seriously think its not wise to ask him out at the first shot.
Do keep in touch and Good Luck!
12.
Name:Charolette
City:______,UK
Sex :Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting: Feb 18 2002 / 10:45:17
Her problem and solution are maintained confidential as it might cause inconvenience to her social life.
11.
Name:Allie
City:______
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting: Feb 08 2002 / 20:45:16
Allie's Problem:
I know I probably sound really pathetic right about now, but...
I go to a Middle School, and there are a lot of good looking,
well-rounded personalitied guys there. Some of them I consider
just friends. The thing is...I'm not one for going out (though
always one for love) and I'm feeling...well...sort of lonely,
and I know none of my friends really have dates, but I've been
getting this really funny feeling ever since Valentine's Day
was coming around. I think I need a boyfriend. Do I? And if I do,
how do I get one? I never act myself around boys I "like". Please
help me!!!!!!
Hi Allie,
You dont sound pathetic...you sound cute!In the last line you said " boys I "like" "...oops thats a little problem I'm afraid.Try restricting those numbers if you can...its good for you.And I would like to tell you that "lot of good looking,well-rounded personalitied guys" need not mean that you have to fall in love with any of them.You are just gonna enter your teens and its natural that you find many guys attractive.But be patient and wait a little.Wait for atleast 3 or 4 years till you get to know what kind of mate you want.At this age of 12,these things are not still defined in your mind set properly and definitively.There are chances you change your tastes in course of time....and when that happens you may have invariably landed up with a "wrong guy".
So wait a little.....then you wouldnt have to go through break-ups and all those nasty things.You say,"I'm not one for going out"......I understand that you are more of the emotional and sentimental kind of girl and thats all the more reason for you to be patient and thoughtful in any step you take.
Do you need a boyfriend?
You need one if you want one.Now it depends on why you want one.Is it to "show-off" or to feel secure or just to simply feel good.I'd say that you need one only if you want one.But that doesnt mean you want one badly and are obsessed about not having a guy.Strike a balance....spend time in knowing the guy first and get to know if he's worth you and is understanding....only then proceed.
If you dont get one,there is no reason to be dejected.....its a long way to go and you'll find better guys everytime.Valentine's Days may come and go but you gotta go on forever!.....Good Luck!
10.
Name:Debolina Chatterjee
City:Tarapur
Sex :Female
Age :__
Date/Time of Posting: Feb 06 2002 / 23:13:01
Debolina's Query:
Approx how many seats are available for MBBS, through
Karnataka CET, to a non-Karnataka, girl candidate,who does not fall into any reserved category?
Dear Debolina,
There are approximately about 214 medical seats for non-Karnataka GM students in Karnataka;the admissions for this is through the Commomn Entrance Test that is usually held in May.
There are approximately 222 dental seats for students of GM,non-Karnataka.
I have tried my best to get the number of seats for the course under your category.
For more information you can mail to cetinfo@rediffmail.com.
You could also visit the CET site;the link for which is there on this site.
9.
Name:Sakshi
City:Calcutta
Sex :Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Jan 27 2002 / 04:21:36
Sakshi's PROBLEM:
hi there,
i am good looking 17 year old girl. my problem is that
i don't understand love. i had a crush on a guy who stays in the
next lane. after sometime i felt that i am in love with him. the
guy is 4 years elder to me but he does not like me. he knows that
i like him through somebody and he keeps saying things as if he
wants to go out with me or impress my parenst and he also keps an
eye on me. i continued to love him for 2-3 years. then i met an
old friend and i felt i have fallen in love with him. he proposed
me i said yes and after sometime he said he doesnot love me. we
r still very good friends. he keeps giving me hints as though he
loves me. he is even very good in talking with me. i wanna know
whether he is flirting with me. also i wanna know what is true love
b'coz i get utterly confused as to whom i love. i wanna know what
exactly is true love, how it feels. and also how should i behave with both the guys.
Dear Sakshi,
Let me enlighten you by saying that you've never been in love(atleast w.r.t these 2 guys you've mentioned).
You are overly obsessed with getting into a relationship which shouldnt be the way things should go!
The first guy you mentioned to have "been in love" with was infatuation and nothing more.The second guy you "loved" was out of circumstancial reasons.Actually you had a kind of "crush" on him;perhaps because of the way he talked etc. to you and when he proposed you obviously said yes.And now you are "good friends".
First of all get rid of the notion that you have to be in a relationship to feel complete......thats exactly what you seem to be doing now.Dont give into crushes and infatuations so easily and flexibly that you lose track of what you want in life.Thats really crazy.
What's true love?
Well,I cannot explain it in words and then use some HTML tags to highlight and say this is love.At the moment,in your context,all I can say about love is that.....when you really fall in love with a guy you wouldnt leave him and never ever come to terms lesser than that after having suposedly made up your minds to live together forever......you wouldnt switch with guys.Nor is love a euphoric kick or some kind of a Cloud #9 feeling.Its normal.And also its not a fashion thing or something to have a guy with you...although it feels damn good.
How should you behave with these 2 guys?
You have to be just normal....ward off any feelings that you have and stop dreaming.
However if you still have strong feelings for one of them(I know you really dont)...try talking to him and clear things up.
As far as I can see,both these guys are not meant for you......the way you want or wanted them.
So be cool and normal.You will certainly get a good guy who's worth you and who loves you a lot....just give time a chance and see things happen.I know you are a very passionate person and you'd find the right guy....just like you!Just one thing.......dont take momentary likes too seriously.Give things second or tenth thought.You'll not fall into such problems again.Good Luck and I wish you a passionate and exciting love life...and the way you want it to be.
8.
(Name not revealed upon the person's request)
Name:*****
City:Bangalore
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jan 26 2002 / 22:47:44
*****'s PROBLEM:
first of all....this better eb really cinfidential...wel
actually my friend has this prob...she is goin out wit this guy....but
he already has a gf but he doesnt like her
....and my friend knows that,,,wat should she do
Dear *****,
I'd first appreciate your concern over your friend!Truly appreciable!
Now,I dont understand.......what u mean by :"....but
he already has a gf but he doesnt like her".As far as i know there's nothing like having a GF and not liking her!
Well,there ends the matter; if u mean what u said.Then why at all is there a problem?
So he doesn like that other girl and as such it is good news for your friend and you!
And your friend also knows that?Thats what you've written.All the more better.So it boils down to the fact that theres a girl but he doesnt like her and likes your friend.So its fine.
Its either you are not wanting to be frank or you've not written clearly.....because I dont see any problem that your friend is facing at all!
Oh wait,wait.Is it that this guy has been seeing the other girl and now he wants to be with your friend and doesnt like that other girl anymore.....but has not broken with his ex (rather to-be-ex)?Then he should clear things out first with his ex-gf and get things straight.
But can I tell you something?I dont think this guy is worth your friend 'coz he seems to be having an "ex" and now he's changed over to your friend and may be another change over in the future too..!I'm not discouraging...just ask your friend to be a little careful and take things step by step and not bump into some hasty decisions.Hope you can guide her well too.
This is all I could interpret from your rather confused note that you have sent me.Any further clarifications do write back,but precisely and clearly stating the whole issue.Good luck to you and your friend!
7.
Name:David
City:Cincinnati, Ohio
Sex :Male
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Jan 25 2002 / 11:18:55
David's PROBLEM:
i will be 18 in May. can you tell what my rights will
be and how much i will still need to answer to my parents. my parent
say i will still have to go by their rules and i think i should
be able to what i want. can you help?
Dearest David,
Ok.......what your rights will be after you are 18?
This is a big question with a big answer.......well,first of all you need to do some fundamental duties and only then your rights would be honoured.When you become 18 you must understand that you have a little more responsibility than during your under 18 years.From now on your parents would hold you answerable to anything that you do(not that they didnt do that before...but now in a more serious way)...so all the more responsible you need to be!Let me tell you that your parents are the first people who would want to see you independent and want to see you manage your issues all by yourself.They would be really proud of you!But this wouldnt happen the very day you turn 18.....one fine May day!They still would have you under their "rules".........even after you are 18!Its all in your hands as to how fast you can get your rights.
You need to "build up your impression" and never show that you could go wrong.Behave more maturely.Every small thing that you do sensibly and rightly;it would add to their faith in you........its a subconscious cumulative thing that would effect in their minds and in the end they'd trust you a lot more than before.......that you can do things on your own.But every wrong you do will have the same effect but in the opposite direction......so be careful!
How to get into their good books by "building your impression"?
1.First of all never ever get into "trouble",the kind of "trouble" you very well know is a "trouble" in the eyes of your parents.
2.Get good grades at school........occassionally try earning your own bucks and do some helping at home to your mom and dad.Getting good grades at school is the #1 thing that can bring confidence about you with your parents!
3.Speak politely if at all they cross question you......if you speak rudely and brush things away they'd think you are hiding(although your not hiding) something and you wont get your "rights"!
4.Dont squander even a single opporunity that would allow you to show them that you are worth your independence.And slowly they'd start nodding "Yes" for most of the things.
5.Dont see your parents as dictators although thats what they seem to be.Change your mental set-up;if at all you have one like this........they're not dictators!After all they are the ones you can fall back on any day!
6.Dont expect too much the moment you turn 18.....give time to do its work...about 6months to a year.
7.Dont end up doing things which they ask you not to do and shout,"I'm 18".Never ever say ,"I'm 18 and so I can do it".Make your parents feel that without your saying it...but by your actions........its more effective.Never try to make them understand...they dont like it!
8.If at all you end up doing things against their wishes see to it that you are successful with that......this would add to the "good impression".
9.You should understand that its all mutual.....do your duties atleast partially(90%) and you'd get your rights.
10.Be calm and balanced with anything you decide............dont think you could always be right just because you are 18!
How much you will still need to answer to your parents?
As much as you did before 18!Be patient and if you do the above 10 things,.........slowly things would go your way.......I mean it!
Then you wouldnt have to answer much to your parents........after you've proved your worth to them!Dont flare up for any answer that you need to give.I'm sure things will be fine.Your "answerability" would gradually taper down!Then?All you need to do is enjoy!
"......my parent
say i will still have to go by their rules"
Well,they really dont mean it(as long as you do what I have just said.....and I have all the confidence in you).I just told you how to melt down that attitude of your parents!Do it.
In the end when you get permission to come home late and things like that,its all in your hands....something bigger than your rights would be with you...its your life.Never do a thing thats against your belief and your parents belief or conscience.Never do anything thats immoral."Pleasure without morality is a sin"...if you could understand what I mean.After all its not your 18+ age that determines what you can do...its more about your integrity,your ambitions and what you want to be.Never do something immoral and console yourself by saying,"I'm 18,so its fine".Thats not the meaning of becoming 18.
18+ means you have liberty to experiment;but not at the cost of your morality!
18+ means enormous energy...........its in your hands as to how you wanna channelise it
I wish you all the very best and Happy Adulthood!(............no pun here!).Your welcome for any future help!
6.
Name: Nikhila
City:Bangalore
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Jan 17 2002 / 06:30:12
Nikhila's PROBLEM:
how can i learn the best for ur tenth class xams?
how can i learn the entire portions for social ?
My dear Nikhila,
Yes the next academic year is class 10!And you would have all the people "sitting on your head".....do this and do that!
First of all dont let pressure to crack you....for that,dont let yourself into taking too much mental tension......dont be rigid and stringent in treating yourself;thats what most people end up doing....but at the same time self-discipline is another totally differnt thing that you must have.Enjoy a lot but stick to your schedules.Never mess up with time.Be normal and as usual.Never give up TV and novels!
How do you "learn the best"?
You almost have about 10 months for your class 10.And thats pretty good time that you have.
Make the best along with your school.Set your home time-table such that its by and large on the same lines as your school tests and exams....or else you'll end up with clashes and you'll be forced to give up your home time-table for the school...and you'll finally mess up the thing.
Be regular with exams and tests....half your job is done.Give your best shot for the preperatory exams.....and that will really boost your confidence.And by the time you give your board exams you will have most of the topics on your finger tips...provided you have slogged for your prep.
Let me tell you that last minute slogging will not help you and would cause a lot of mental agony.....you probably know that.Dont try to rush up and try to finish things too fast.Remember to be slow and steady.Class Ten is all about planning and time management.
For your Social Studies:
Well,theres nothing much to do about it.....read the history,geography,civics,and economics text books regularly,but like a novel.........at regular intervals....probably once every month.And you will see that after regular readings that you remember most of the things.Dont go for blind mugging.Do the homework properly esp. w.r.t social.....Supplement yourself with as many revisions as possible.
For History you can score good by supplementing your answers with dates(......you have to dear!).In general you can do that for others like geography,civics and economics too by giving appropriate statistics in your answers.This would really give you an advantage.Another thing is your presentation and handwriting!Since you are a girl you must be having a good handwriting...."thats almost like a rule"!See how you can improve on your presentation and things like answering your "best question" first...etc.So for social studies its nothing but being regular..nothing more than that.
If at all in any subject you fair badly in any of the tests in school never lose hope.......thats by and large no indicator of your capabilities and what you could achieve in your board exam.
For maths and science the key is problem solving.....practice,practice and practice!Never ignore languages;after all it matters too.Since they are literally stories read them regularly....dont lose touch with grammar(Hindi).
Believe in yourself and keep the faith.Never panic.Doing your class 10 exams well is just a matter of attitude.See to it that you dont become lazy.....some people tend to become lazy when there's lot of work and crave for work during holidays!Be normal!Your class 10 exam is just the begining and finally no one would ever even ask you how much did you score.You marksheet would come of use as an age proof more than anything else!But at the same time class 10 plays a very important role in one's life.....when you do well it really boosts your confidence and it would be the begining of your success in future.You would have learn more important things in life such as planning,time management etc.Thats the most important thing about class 10.
Read the above once more and be cool headed.It would always be here you could come back and read it again.
Good Luck for your "Class Ten".All through your class ten and in future you could approach me for any sort of help/guidance.....your most welcome!
5.
(Name and City not revealed upon the person's request)
Name:******
City:***
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting: Jan 08 2002 / 15:30:19
******'s, PROBLEM:
This is my problem...
or at list I think it is a problem, LOL!
Well first of all try not to reveal my name, my friends will think
i am nerd, or at list my mail and location...
well here it goes...
i have always been a great student but 'sudenly' my grades wemt
lower like on the 90's and 80's!!! I even got grades on the 70's
on semester exams!!!! I am in 8th grade.. just u to know. And i
really DO want my 100's and A's back, but how???? I got them in
6th, 7th grade, etc. but not now!!! I am so angry about that, do
u know any techniques for ONLY 100's or any site who ownes them???
Just please tell me ASAP (as soon as possible) because the semester
started and I DO want to start with just 100's.
Well bye,
******
My dear ******,
You are a damn bright student indeed.Well,you getting 70's is no indicator
of your capabilities...you yourself know how you've scored in your previous grades...and that you can do much better.
I can only say that you didnt work as hard as you did in 6th and 7th grade.
Just sit back and see for yourself if you have put your best effort.Well the answer would invariably be "No".And its no big crime or a thing to worry too much now.It hapens sometimes..the 70's.(You should understand that all the time getting 100's is not always wanted.)
And if you feel that you have put your fullest effort,then compare yourself with the other classmates...are they way ahead of you?You are not out of the race...you still have time to make it.Also,as you go to higher grades...the toughness level increases which requires you to put more effort than you probably did in your lower grades.Do a lot of self study..make use of libraries;know more information than your counterparts,solve problems,clarify your doubts at the earliest.....all these things would help you get a better score next time.Let me quote.."Sucess is 99% perspiration and 1% genius".There's a short cut to success...and its hardwork!If the desire to achieve your goal is genuine....let me tell you that no one can stop you.
Concentrate on your work and dont have diversions.Go through the difficult topics again.Well that is "the technique for only 100's"!
Haha ...and there's no site which owns the 100's.....nobody will owe you 100's if you dont earn them yourself!
One more thing....dont worry about your 70's...as they would hardly matter.There are lot of things to achieve in life and finally when you look back you would see that your "incident of 70's" is just a small dot in your life!Your parents may scold you for that,but let me tell you......you dont have to worry as long as you know what you want to achieve.And you have learn a lot from the 70's thing....what to do and what not to do...thats important!Good luck and write back to me,telling your success story in your new semester!
(PS:Your Hotmail account was found inactive....renew it!)
Date/Time of Posting: Jan 10 2002 /
19:40:52
hey thanx dude!
but ya see... i was thinking about college (yes ALLREADY!) and i
want to go to a great college....
do u know a site or something about colleges in the US... i was
thinking of getting a scholoraship on harvard but thats ALMOST IMPOSIBLE
(note: i said almost) what should i do to get to a great college????
and thanx for ur advice.******
Hi again ******!
Well theres no "other" thing about getting into great colleges..its the same thing what I've said....slog!
Something more would be...build your verbal and analytical skills.....and again hardwork!
U know u just have to slog for another 4 or 5 years and things will be fine!
Site about colleges?....well check out google..i dont have to tell you that.
First of all get to to know what you like and build upon that.Whether you like arts or science....etc.Be focussed.And yes its not "already".....its quite the right time to start thinking about your college!Good Luck once again!
4.
Name:Saqib Ahmed Bhat
City:Kolkata
Sex :Male
Age :10
Date/Time of Posting: Jan 06 2002 / 22:52:16
Saqib's PROBLEM:
I am a student from Class IV, of a Public School and
come from a middle class family. Both my parents work and hence
are out of the home for quite some time of the day. My parents
have a problem of keeping both my sister and myself after school
hours, till they return from work. Therefore sometimes we are at
this one's house and that one's house. For about the last one year
or more, I would go back with my teacher from a lower class. She
very kindly consented to take care of me till my parents came and
collected the pair of us from her house. She was giving us tuition
classes (both my sister and myself)in the evenings, say after 5
p.m. I know very well my parents do pay this teacher quite a sum
of money for keeping me and teaching bother my sister and myself.
But I feel this teacher is not teaching me the way she ought to.
She is holding a sort of coaching class, where there are students
of many classes all studying together. So her mind is diverted
between all of us. As a result I have lost total interest in my
studies there. But at the same time when my mom teaches me at home,
I perform better. Our school has three terminal examinations, of
which for this current academic year, I have completed two terminal
examinations. The first terminal examination results were better
than the second one. My mom is terribly upset on seeing my results
for this term. She too feels that this teacher is not paying enough
attention to me. I must also admit that I too have very little
interest to study. I like to play better. I usually do not take
out my books unless I am really forced to do so. Could you please
help me. Could you suggest what exactly I should do to discipline
myself and get serious with my studies. How do I get myself interested
in my books. What is my problem exactly, for which I am unable
to find my studies interesting.
Looking forward to receiving your reply soon
Thank you friend.
Saqib
My dear Saqib,
Thank you for the detailed manner in which you have posted your problem...truly appreciable.
I understand that you go to your teacher's house in the evenings during week days and spend time doing your studies under her.Well this is not a bad idea at all.But,after the one year you have spent with that teacher after school,you have understood that she is not paying complete attention to you.Well then its time to stop going with your sister to the teacher's place after school.That teacher might have good intentions....but theres no use when she's teaching students of all classes together!Because in the end what matters is you and your results!So you can stop studying under her!Instead,you could always come home with your sister after school.Play for about an hour with your friends around your house and with your sister.Your parents might not give you the house keys and let you be alone with your sister till they come;as you are still young.I fear that you dont find time to play at all!Right after school you are again into studies.Thats not good.That is precisely why you dont feel like studying.You must have heard,"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy".This very much applies to you.You should have a good balance of play and studies in your daily schedule.
Can you do well without tuitions?
Yes you can!Much better than now.Follow what I say without variations and you shall do better than your first terminal exams.
1.After school play everyday.
2.Wait for your parents to come.....by looking at your notes and planning for the remaining day.
3.Do the particular day's work on that day itself.Dont postpone even a small part.
4.Go through your text books pertaining to whatever has been taught in school on that particular day itself.
5.Never be lazy.
6.You want to be the topper of your class every time and you would to anything for that...right?
7.Eat well and eat regularly.
8.Pay attention in the class and half your job is already done.
9.As you do your daily studies...you would come across several doubts.Clarify immediately with your mom or dad.Some portions you might find them very tough.So you can just give them a reading during the week day and sit with that part again in the weekends with your parents.
10.Do two hours of studies....watch a little TV....go to bed by 9:30 or 10:00 pm.Wake up early...around 5:30 am.Do some excercises and keep fit!
11.As far as possible finish all your work by Saturday.......enjoy on Sunday!
Now theres nothing that can stop you from doing well again;in your 3rd exam.Saqib you have done it once(first exam)..you can always do well again.Dont worry!
To get yourself interested in studies?
"Could you suggest what exactly I should do to discipline
myself and get serious with my studies."....is what you asked me.This itself shows that you have keen interest in studies and you want to do well!
Think of the hardwork your parents are doing for you and your sister!Do you feel like giving them low marks?Definitely not.Studies will interest you if you have a goal.Set goals in your life.
Short term goals,middle term goals,long term goals.As you achieve each one ....you would finally achieve your ultimate goal.Without a goal theres no point.Try out new things with subjects like maths and science...they'll certainly interest you!Develop a habit of general reading.
As of now,talk to your parents politely and let them know that you donot want to continue your tuitions....justify why.Assure them that you would do well in the future and you can manage yourself after school and that they dont have to worry much.
Never worry about things!....eat well sleep well study well and play well!Good Luck!IF u need any other help or anything more,do write back!
3.
Name:cant tell
City:cant tell
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Dec 28 2001 / 21:04:03
"Cant Tell's" PROBLEM:
i cant tell anything about me
i am just scare and dont want anybody to know.
let me tell u,
it might be silly,
but its urgent.
I had a dream, i was supposed to be killed by someone, an angel
saved me and told me that i had one week from today 12-28 to show
why i was important to live, a reason for that.
OK it might be silly? but i dont know much about dreams and i need help.
what i am supposed to do? what can i do to show that i am important to this world?
cant tell u who i am,
or my mail but answer me, please...
Dear Cant Tell,
First of all let me tell you that you are NOT going to be "killed".
I know that for sure.You have to take my word for that for good.
YOU HAVE TO.I'm sure of that...YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE KILLED..OK?You dont have to be scared of anything!AND ONE MORE THING...NO PROBLEM POSTED TO ME IS SILLY!
If you believe the angel,then let me tell you that the angel is in you and its just your mind which is talking to you in the form of an angel.
The angel wouldnt ask you to prove your worth....for the angel knows your worth and why you are important to live...All of us are sent to this earth to carry out an important task and accomplish a mission.And let me tell you that "all of us" includes even YOU.You too are important to live and you dont have to tell the angel why you are important "within a week"....the angel was just joking with you!There is no chance of precognition,'coz an angel wouldnt come to "caution" you.
And let me tell you a little about dreams...just recollect..have you been reading a novel or did you see a movie in which someone gets killed...or did you hear of your friend or anyone telling you a story of someone being killed;of late?Well,90% of our dreams are influenced by events that take place in our complete consciousness during the course of the day.We may even forget them.But our subconscious mind remembers these things involuntarily and they sometimes come up in our dreams.During sleep our subconscious mind is still at work.And why a certain dream comes on a certain day(rather night) is by and large unknown to man.
Do no harm to anybody and be justful and kind to people..never ever cheat anyone....such things would help you to face such dreams with confidence and be bold enough!Dreams just come ..nobody asks for a dream!Get hold of a book that teaches you meditation...practice it for an hour every morning....you'll have a very stable,strong,peaceful mind.
But lemme tell you every dream is like movie...and sometimes we star in the movie...thats it...nothing to worry.So you have absolutely no problem and you will live long and ENJOY LIFE!
Get hold of a book that teaches you meditation...practice it for an hour every morning....you'll have a very stable,strong,peaceful mind.
But sleep with someone elder to you...so that "you'll feel secure!"
And you'll know the validity of he dream in a week's time...the 1 week according to your dream.Atleast then u will learn that these dreams are invalid.IF after one week,you still feel irksome,do consult a good psychiatrist.
Anymore help?....you are welcome!
2.
Name:Marga
City:Plano - TX,USA
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Dec 27 2001 / 11:16:33
Marga's PROBLEM:
My problem? LOTS OF PROBLEMS ADDED TOGHETER
That what is...
just let me tell u first a little bit about me.
People know me as Marga, now u realize I am not american right? From where I am? I dont know.
I mean, I was borned in Russia, but when I was 2 I moved to live
to Argentina and lived there until I was like... 8, then I moved
to Brazil, and lived there for a year or so, when I was 9 I came back to argentina.
Later when I was 12 (6 months ago) I moved to live to the US.
My problems? Lots of them!
1-I feel 'strange' in the US.
2-Of course I feel discrimination for being russian, argentinian or whatever.
3-I dont where I belong! I feel like argentinian, I was borned in
russia and in my passport it says that I am ucranian cause my parents are ucranian.
4-I dont have much friends in here.
5-I miss my friends in Argentina.
6-I feel neglected by ALL adults I know.
7-I miss my family that is part in Argentina/part in russia.
8-I dont know much of english.
9-I am confused of my future.
10-I feel sad for what my country Argentina is going on (Did u see the news lately?)
And I need help! But I have nobody who can help me.
Dear Marga,
I can taste the "soup" that you are in.
Well first of all I am really jealous of the varied background that you have,..right across from
Russia to S.America to USA now.You ought to be proud of that!There is absolutely nothing
wrong with your varied places of rsidence.
You must stop being so obsessed of your origin....dont worry much about that 'cause it hardly
matters....TAKE MY WORD FOR THAT!Its you as a person that matters the most...not where you came from!
Well u are 12 and you dont have to worry about this...its not a thing to worry at all!
I understand that you miss your friends in Argentina.But dear,all of us cannot live at the same palce all through our lives....for various reasons.
Now you can always write mails to your old friends and still stay in touch with them,share your new adventures in USA...tell them about your life...and how much you enjoy it!
You are not a stranger in the USA,its only u who thinks that way.
You are not discriminated....you are a part of USA and next time you walk on
the street....you walk with your head high,with high self-confidence!
Nobody is going to make you feel inferior without your consent.Its all up in your head.
Try changing your thoughts and dont you have any pre-conceived notion about your originality and your credentials.
You are a part of the USA and you can say that to anyone with a high degree of confidence!
Make new friends...try talking to them at school;excite them with your specialities.
You are special and show them all that you can do.Pursue your hobbies and keep yourself engaged.Listen to good music.The whole world is yours and everybody loves you....even the person who has scolded you the most loves you a lot!...I mean it.
Approach people with a friendly attitude...like you know them for a long time...they are not new to you...they are your people....your countrymen!Talk to your friends about your past exciting adventures in Argentina and Brazil...I'm sure you must be having a lot of good exciting things to say!
Try to get hold of good novels in English,read them and improve your vocabulary.And let me tell you that your English is'nt bad;as far as what you have written to me,its ok....good language usage by you!Why do u think your English is bad?Its again your low self confidence....no no....get rid of that.You are as good as any American or even better than some of them!Build your general knowledge and know things.Dont worry about the accent.You will catch up the US accent in no time and you'll feel more a part of USA......you have been in USA for just six months...so u'll get it soon!
Initially people might neglect you...but they will NOT do that forever...I assure u of that!FIRST OF ALL I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE EQUAL TO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU AND YOU MUST FACE THEM WITH CONFIDENCE....YOU HAVE DONE NO WRONG!Dont always confront people with "oh will they talk to me...will they respond to me,will they like me,can I talk to them,am I doing something wrong,are they greater than me in any way?..."
Never get these questions up your head.Be normal,talk to people with the same affection and warmth and expectation with which you talk to your parents....and relatives...and family.
Concentrate on your studies...simply thrill your class,have a good sense of humour.HELP YOUR CLASSMATES WITH STUDIES AND ASSIGNMENTS.If at all you are offended in anyway....learn to take it lightly.Such people may be around;but they would do that only if u feel bad about what they do...they probably like it when you feel bad.
Once they learn that you dont feel bad ANYMORE;they would stop their mean behaviour with you.
They are only dumb;they dont know about what YOU are.You are someone special and only you know about your capabilities.You can show the world that!
Also take elders into confidence..atleast one person who is with you who you can feel in flesh and blood..talk a lot to that person...u'll feel better and u will gain confidence.
Become strong from within and have hopes.MARGA YOUR A SPECIAL CHILD WITH AN EXTRAORDINARY BACKGROUND AND YOU HAVE NO PROBLEMS!
"YOU change your thoughts and you change your world!"
Dear,things will settle down very soon...as I said earlier...its been only six months in USA for you!Think positive and act with confidence...that'll make all the difference to you!Sit back and read whtever I've told you again and analyze to see how easily you can start feeling nice about your new home.
I wish u good luck....and any future help ...YOU ARE WELCOME.
1.
Name:KarenPodmore
City:NY
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Dec 25 2001 / 16:53:43
Karen's PROBLEM:
How do i break up with my boyfriend softly?
Dear Karen,
Well,I wouldnt have much to say,because of the non-availability of details about your relationship.If you wanna break up with your boyfriend,the best way is to meet him,personally(....not over phone /mail).Let him know the real reason why you want to break up;remember to be very frank.Your frankness could hurt him,but if you feel hurt when he's being hurt because of you ,you rather stay together....for it means that u have feelings for him still.What I mean is that,tell whatever you want to tell openly and end the thing.Have a clear set up of mind...know what you want.You either want him or not want want him.....only two things.Dont brood after you break up.After all you want to break up,and if you feel that your reason is good enough and justful,go ahead and break up.Remember I dont have a clue as to why you wanna break up,as you have not told me;nor is your mail id correct.Anyway...Good Luck...you will certainly find many more people in your life;choose the best...dont be hasty.
(PS:At the moment your priorities in life might be different.....respect your priorities.Give atmost importance to the no.1 priority in your life...there is no harm in having a relationship though...strike a balance in life...if u are already doing that...good!)
