Solutions Archive #2
This is the Solutions Archive No.2.Here you would find solutions to previously posted problems.(Poblems 146 to 232).
The solutions are according to the date of posting of the problem....recent ones first,older ones later.The solutions will be here forever...atleast till I run out of space.This will help visitors having a similar problem to find a solution.
If you need to Post Your Problem Click Here.If you,the visitor,need the contact mail id of any of the persons below,you can mail me.....I shall furnish the same to you at the earliest with the concerned person's consent.
232.
Name:Lee
City:Manchester
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Oct 17 2002 / 23:02:01
Lee's Problem:
I have a large group of friends and 2 years ago, we were
all friends and we all could get along and have a gr8 time. Then
things begain to change and my group of friends has kinda split up into
little groups even tho we all still hang out 2getha. kinda hard 2 xplain.
The thing is, there is this guy called mike and we used to be friends,
and i remember last year in a drama lesson he just said to me, i dont
like u! i woz hurt my it but i just sed ok then and accepted his opinion
about me. i aint dont anything to him at all and he has started being
really nasty to me physically! like he pushes me about and hurts me and
jokes about it with his friends, that are kinda my friends to, just not
real friends. I feel really down about the whole thing and i cant spk 2
a parent about it coz it wud make the whole situation worse! i aint
gettin a teacher invloved either. i have told my 2 best friends and they
sed that they will tlk 2 him 4 me and try and get him to make a !
peace with me. i dunno if it will work tho, and if that doesnt work, im
just going to be depressed for ages. it is my last year at skul and i
wanna make it worth while so i wanna make a peace with him so i can
enjoy the rest ov the year. i really dont no wot else 2 do!
please can u help me???
leora xxx
Hi Lee,
First you have to sit and think slowly and honestly to yourself if you have hurt him in anyway.Look beyond the obvious and try too see if you can find out something.You need to talk to him.You must remember not to make the talk into an arguement..be polite.You dont have to win the talk.Just tell him you are sorry for any mistake that you did and that his behaviour hurts you.Try and make things work.Talking is the only way out....let go of your ego and be humble and talk...!After all in the end you want peace...you need to give in a little...do more than what he can do...theres always a chance for you to be the more generous person,make use of it!
PS: A female visitor of my site,said that I always took the guy's side in her problem because I am a guy...Well,I am not here to take sides.I am here to only help you solve the problem in the best of my capacity and improve the situation in the most amicable way possible for the two of you.After all its you who has written to me and I can ask only you to make a change to improve the situation.Lots of times,in life,the problem that we are facing has the solution within us..it could be in the form of an answer or a change of attitude...or..but its within us.I hope you understand this.
Good Luck!
231.
Name:Sarah
City:Dallas
Sex :Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Oct 13 2002 / 07:12:06
Sarah's Problem:
I just want to get a grip on things! There are so many things in my
life that might not, well, are not important in the eyes of a lot of
people, but they are to me. I mean look at my past. I have been a liar
from as long as I can remember! In PRESCHOOL I remember one of my
friend’s parents taking us to school and we were talking about the skating
ring. I went all out on this stupid story and I know she knew for a
fact that I was lying but I didn’t know what to do so I just kept going.
There’s another big lie that REALLY sticks out in my brain. See back
in Elementary school, well actually all the time, I used to come home
with/to my mother and I would always tell her these stupid stories about
what happened throughout my day. Sometimes I would start telling a true
story and then keep adding on stuff or sometimes I would just totally
make it up. In third grade I was playing basketball on a friend’s team
and this parent, who was also a lunch/ recess lady that everyone !
liked, coached another team that we played. Well I guess I may have
gotten the idea from over-hearing some of the parents talk bad about her
or maybe because I never really talked to her at lunch, but some how I
came up with this story. On the way home from school one day I start
blabbering on about how I over heard her talking to someone about how
bad are team was and that they were going to beat us, or something like
that. Well my mother kind of got all upset and as stuff started to stir
up a little she kind of asked me, or maybe I asked her, if she could
pick me up for lunch one day. Now it was probably true that I didn’t want
to face her at lunch but not because she was “mean” but because I felt
really guilty and dude, my mother was going to take me out to Hardey’s
where I could get ice cream and stuff. Now that kind of made me feel
better for a little while. But then it got worse and I ended up being
pulled out of class to talk to the principal and blablablabla and!
she ended up getting fired!!! I felt soooo bad! I remember laying in
bed, maybe praying it, but hoping with all my might that I would forget
this horrible thing that I did. What I did not know then was that, no
matter how hard I tried, I’m still that horrible person.
Man not only do I lie but I hurt so many people on purpose! Like that
cutting thing, I started out with pen needles, really until Sam told me
how she had done it, but I did it to hurt my mother! I would sometimes
do it on a Saturday night and then on Sunday I would kind of have my
arms turned over on my lap during church service so she would see it. One
time, I was a little older and I think it was after Dad left, I used a
piece of a glass that I had broken and I cut pretty bad. I then used
the blood to write on a piece of paper “ I HATE MY MOM!!” “I HATE
HER!!!”. Now how sick is that?!
I also have had this huge problem with making speeches and reading
out loud. I hate it!!! I really didn’t even want to write that down
because I don’t truly know if I’m even really recovering from that! It
started 8th grade year when I ran for Student Council President. I shook
soo bad!!! I got up there and the hand that was holding my paper started
shaking sooo bad, It just started spazing out! I didn’t let it get in
my voice though and I kind of snickered at my self so everyone else kind
of laughed, too. I ended up winning and I had to talk in front of the
hole student counsel every Friday. I remember I used to dread Friday’s
because of that too! The first meeting I had I got up there and when the
bell rang I started to kind of freak out! I told Mrs. Kupp, “I can’t do
this!” and with of stern voice she answered back “of course you can!”.
The thing was, it wasn’t like she was reassuring me but it was more
like she was suddenly, and for evermore, disappointed in me. I ne!
ver proved her wrong either. Andrew, the totally popular (7th grade)
Vice President ended up having to do half my job and half the speeches.
I was a horrible President. If it wasn’t for the public speaking I
think I would have been a great President, but …yeah. The thing was, I had
NEVER had a problem speaking in front of any amount of people before. I
actually LOVED it. I did have someone named Jimmy in some of my
classes who couldn’t read/speak in front of people and he was seen as a dork
by everyone because of it. I remember feeling sorry for him. In eight
grade, though, Student Counsel was the only thing I had that problem in.
Reading class and Social Studies I always read in front of everyone. I
was always one of the first volunteers. Then, freshman year, that
changed too. The first day of English class, our teacher asked for a
volunteer to read a poem, and as usual, my hand shot up. But when I tried to
read it I couldn’t get the words out and both me and my voice !
started to shake. I then had one of my friends in the class finish it
for me. My teacher only made me read one other time that hole year
and it was horrible. When I Iooked up at her after I had finally managed
to spit the last word out, she had a look of pure pity on her face.
Now I’ve also started to do some other freaky thing. When ever I talk
to someone and get embarrassed, or I start thinking about it, my eyes
start to terribly water. I look like I’m crying!
Yeah and then there’s another really screwy thing about me. Over the
pass couple of years I’ve become bulimic! Great huh? I haven’t told
anyone about it either. I can stop it for a while, and I have here pretty
recently (until tonight) but then I still can’t control my eating and I
gain all this weight! I’ve gained almost 15 lbs. in the last three
months!!
Why am I sooo screwed up?!!!
My “family life” is a little weird too. My mother had me out of
wedlock when she was in college so my dad and her got married for a while.
They both tell two totally different stories about what happened, but my
Mother kept moving us in and out of my grandparent’s and their house,
whether he really beat her I really don’t know. Then, after they got a
divorce my mother moved us down to Humble Texas and married my step-dad
when I was three. As my real Dad and his new wife move down to a
different city in Texas, we move up to Kansas. My mother only give them a
PO BOX # and we lose contact ( I was never allowed to write/ call him)
After like nine years my mother finally had another kid (we’re 14 years
apart) and a little over a year later my Step-Dad leaves. As their
going through this huge divorce case we end of moving back to Texas, in
with her old friends that we haven’t seen in 11 years, and I end up having
an emergency custody order for me to go live with my real dad, wh!
o by the way now has a seven year old daughter and a five year old son
who are both terribly spoiled. I did see them through a mixture of
court ordered visitations like a few weeks before I moved ( I wanted to go
but my mother didn’t want me to). Now, two years later, my new dad (who
is actually my real dad) has been out of a really job for over a year
and him and my step mom are having big marriage problems and have almost
gotten a divorce several times.
I’m now 17 years old and a senior in High school.
Hi Sarah,
The thing about making up stories,well, it is just a way of trying to impress someone...and gain attention and also to make the other person feel good.If you have stopped to see why you do it you would have known these reasons by now.Well,that was when you were a kid and its ok.I dont think you need to do it anymore.You are 17 and you can be more genuine....Its not that people are not going to like you if you dont tell them great and exciting stories.You just need to grow out of this...and you can do it!You yourself know what a burden it is to make stories and impress people and make them feel good...it draws a lot of your peace and starins your mental faculties...so why do it?That doesnt mean you need to stop telling your mom or ayone nelse whatever you want to say.
Now you need to stop thinking of your past incidents and keep telling yourself "How screwed up I am!"....You need to give yourself a chance and stop labeling yourself as someone who's a gone case.Well,you did some not so nice things...so what?...All of us would have done such things in life.But you can make a difference now because you have realized many things.Learn to forgive yourself....treat yourself better,love yourself first!Give yourself a chance....dont have to keep pointing out the mistakes you did and say this is the way I am and then continue doing such things as if some unknown power is controlling you!You need to make a deliberate attempt to change your disturbing ways.Stop to think.Learn not to hurt others,and yourself...increase your patience and be more optimistic.Well,all these can be developed over a period of time and you can do it.
About talking in front of people.....the only thing is practice and experience.In fact you are fortunate to have had a chance to speak in front of people...so make use of it.Develop your speaking abilities.Stop fearing judgement.You can be sure that any of your classmates would be as nervous as you when they come up on stage.Only over a period of time you can feel free.So the next time you get a chance,make use of it!Sit and analyse what are your weak points.WRITE THEM ON PAPER.Think about them...see where you go wrong..think of a remedy.And soon,you will be great on stage.Remember,the key to solving this problem is exposure to speaking in front of people and it cannot be done away with escaping.Other psychological aids that may help you are to never say something thats not true or something thats not from you!Be genuine and honest.Be simple and humble...that eases more than half your nervousness!You dont have to deliver the best speech ever...so dont come under pressure!The idea is to grow.....and not to start off as a great speaker!If you know what you need to speak well ahead,you can prepare a little.Again dont burden yourself to just vomit what you've written.Be casual.Also,you can get tips from books on public speaking...or read some tips on the internet.A good author is Dale Carnegie....see if you can get hold of his books...
About mom and dad and step dad........hhmmm well I understand.But certain things in life are best when left alone.I know its everyones dream to have an ideal family...but sometimes things may not work out properly all the time.So stop worrying about this and leave these issues to them.You need not feel unfortunate and pity yourself.Blieve me,this will soon pass and things will settle down soon...it will!
Concentrate on your goals and do well at school.You would see how much happiness it gives to you!Dont be harsh on yourself or anyone else too.Give yourself more chance!Good Luck!
230.
Name:Shing-e Kayser
City:Coral Springs
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Oct 13 2002 / 01:19:26
Shing-e Kayser's Problem:
i noticed that i have more girl-friends than guys. my
friends told me that guys doesn't like seious girls! well, i'm chinese,
and i konw that people think chinese people's very seious and only cares
about school works! but i'm totally different from them!!! and i konw
this sounds dum but how can i make more guy buddies than girls??
Hi Shing-e Kayser,
First of all theres no rule that you need to have more guy buddies than girls.It just happens...Theres no point making friends if you really cant give yourself fully into it...or even partially.Just let it happen.YOu dont have to intentionally make more guy friends than girls.About being serious,well I would only ask you to be yourself...serious or jovial.However I would say its not necessary for you to be a serious and studious person all the time.Talk to everyone around without expectations...develop this way out.
Good Luck!
229.
Name:Jenna
City:Chicago
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Oct 12 2002 / 15:06:56
Jenna's Problem:
a few days ago, I heard a guy named JOE liked me more
than a friend.........I don't like him that way, because I like another
guy, Mike, who happens to be one of his bestfriends. A few days ago, Mike
asked me out, I don't know if he was joking or not, so I said sure.
Then during our next class he put his arm around when we had free time and
we played 7-Up( if that wasn't enough he did it in front of the whole
class). Everyone was looking, I was positive, especially Joe. I wanted
to put my arm aorund him or at least hold his hand which was on my
shoulder, but I didn't. Mike has a tendncy not to date a girl very long, but
i don't want to suffer a broken heart. I like Joe as a friend.....but
I like Mike even more. I don't want to hurt Joe in any way, because i'm
not that type of person. I want to date Mike, but my parents are the
kind who want me to put my studies first. I don't know what to do. My
main problem is .......should i date mike? help!!
Hi Jenna,
First sit and think who do you like.Then decide if you really want to be in a relationship....either with Mike or Joe..Take your time.If you dont like to date Joe...you need to politely tell him.
Ofcourse every parent would want studies first...So see to it that you strike a proper balance between the things you do...academics and non academics.Good Luck!
228.
Name:
City:San Antonio
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Oct 12 2002 / 01:59:26
******'s Problem:
I dont know if i should ask this boy i like out.or should
the boy ask me and how do i know if he likes me or not?All my friends
have boyfriends and i havent had a boyfriend yet and im alredy 13 years
old do i just go ahead and ask or what? **thanks**
Hi ******,
Already 13 years old?.....hmmmmm!Well,just keep it cool....13 doesnt mean you are too old!Ask him out....theres no rule as to you have to ask him out or he has to.If you like him just talk to him and be normal and you dont need to over react.Be patient.Be good friends..see if you can get along well,before youd ecide anything.Good Luck!
227.
Name:Eisha Wicker
City:Philadelphia
Sex :Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Oct 01 2002 / 20:18:38
Eisha's Problem:
I have a very problem see I'm 18 year old right. And my
parent think that I'm young adult. But really people think I look like
12 year old. And that weird. My problem is that I don't fit into a
adult world. I don't how to act like a adult. My father need to understand
that I want to stay childish. I know it seem strange to you. But being
adult it very hard for me it like to much responsiblties. Don't you
understand me. I really fit into childhood. Always Pray and write note
to god ask him bring back all my childhood and my attention. Also I
want be like other young children and that make me sad by looking at them.
I know it sound ridiclous stupid and weird probably think that I'm
mental retarded or stupid. Will try to express my self and how I feel
inside of me.
Hi Eisha,
I dont think you are stupid,weird,mentally retarded or anything at all.I really understand you..I can get what you are going through.
Now Eisha,think!Do you think you can go back to childhood?..You very well know its not possible.
So you need to slowly stop thinking of this.And there is no rule that when you are an adult you lose attention from home or elsewhere.Ofcourse there wouldnt be anyone to carry you or put you in a cradle.Responsibilities are a part of life and they need not put you down.IDentify what responsibility exactly is troubling you now.Think of it and see how you can go about it.Once you carry out your responsibilities,you will know what a joy it is.Fear not of responsibilites.All of us have them.
Praying to God doesnt mean you are childish.It is a good habit and theres no need for you to let go of it to "become an adult".IF you like being with children,perhaps you could choose a carreer that would make you closer to children...perhaps a teacher in school!
Eisha adulthood doesnt mean all seriousness and no fun.Be yourself and be optimistic.Good Luck!
226.
Name:Matthew
City:Texas
Sex :Male
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 25 2002 / 02:27:36
Matthew's Problem:
Could you please help me to find information on
emancipation, or age changing information? Also laws regarding the emancipation.
Hi Matthew,
Well,the most appropriate thing would be to make a patient search on the internet.Good Luck!
225.
Name:Polina
City:New York
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 23 2002 / 21:39:38
Polina's Problem:
I am new to this site so I hope this is an acceptable
subject. I am in love with a guy that goes to my synagogue. I think he
likes me too but I'm not sure. I want to get to know him more but not go
out. What should I say and do and how should I act??????
Hi Polina,
First you need to wait.And see if your feelings are really strong.Be paient,theres no need to hurry.Understand that this is no emergency!Well,you can just start talking to him....there should be no problem with this.Stop having a materialsistic approach,thats when it becomes difficult to even talk to the person.By materialstic I mean,expecting a relationship to materialise the very first time you talk to him.Be confident and optimistic.Good Luck!
224.
Name:Devin
City:Texas
Sex :Male
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 10 2002 / 22:57:26
Devin's Problem:
I really Want to get a girlfriend. There's this one
girl that I like, but I'm to shy to tell her. I don't think she
even knows me. I really like her though!!!!!! So what do I do to get her attention?
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 10 2002 / 22:57:26
Me again. I just wanted to say I REALLY like this girl!!!!
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 10 2002 / 23:33:24
Hi, it's me again and this goes with the last thing
I said. What if the girl I like has a boyfriend that I don't know about???????
Hi Devin,
The best thing you can do is to not try to change her ways as long as you know she is not doing something wrong.Well,you know what I mean by wrong.As long as she talks to you and behaves good with you,you dont have to really worry.If her behaviour has changed so drastically that you find it difficult to cope up,then you need to speak to her politely,and with all the respect.Make sure you dont hurt her by your words.As you yourself said,she's perhaps wanting ot "fit in".But as a friend its your duty to make her understand thngs if she is really going out of the way.Good Luck!
223.
Name:Dee
City:Martinsburg
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 22 2002 / 23:42:07
Dee's Problem:
ok......here goes....this is a long story..
there is this guy my sis works wit named thomas, well one nite i
was at my sis's work waitin for her to get off...so i was sittin
outside well he got off at like 9:30 and my sis wasn't gettin off
til 11 so we sat outside and talked until she got off.it was fun,
i really enjoyed talkin to him.well like a week later i went to
my sis's work again cuz i was gonna spend the nite at her house,
well thomas had told this guy named robbie that he liked me and
whole bunch of other stuff and robbie told me, so like most of that
nite he kinda avoided me cuz he was shy(i thought it was cute).then
i started goin out wit this guy and he was in a way gonna fight
for me but now i'm gonna break up wit the guy i'm goin out wit and
i was kinda thinkin about goin out wit thomas but....robbie told
me that he doesn't like me ne more.but robbie is kind of an ignorant
guy sumtimes and he would tell me that jus to hurt my
feelings.i see thomas sumtimes like he's on the football team so
i go watch and i wave but he doesn't wave back or ne thing then
i see him in school and he makes it a big deal about me talkin not
talkin to him.well my sis told him that i wanted him to call me
and he said he doesn't call girls sp he gave my sis his # so i could
call him but i'm kinda shy about it.do u think i should call him?do
u think he likes me?do u think i should try and hook up
wit him?ne body who has ne advice post(but sumtimes i don't get the posts) or email me.
Hi Dee,
Stop working with he said this and someone said something.If you like him and want to express somehting,I think you need to go and speak to him;rather than concluding on what other people say or do.Good Luck!
222.
Name:Michelle
City:New York
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 22 2002 / 20:35:11
Michelle's Problem:
I have a friend (Mandy) that my other friends think
is on drugs like pot. I am almost positive shes not. Now, what should
i tell the friends that think the friend (Mandy) is on drugs? and
what should i do verbally to help mandy through this whether or
not shes doing drugs? cuz the criticism because of the rumors will hurt. thank you.
Hi Michelle,
You need to first talk to Mandy about her behaviours and habits.Be warm enough and make her feel comfortable to speak to you,so that she can be honest.Well,I am sure after this you can handle the others around you after knowing the truth.If she is really taking drugs,well you need to perhaps inform her parents.ITs not like telling on her,its the duty of a good friend.Well,Mandy may not like you if you tell her parents(if she's doing drugs)...but soon she'll realize your worth!Good Luck!
221.
Name:Jazzmin
City:England
Sex :Female
Age :11
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 22 2002 / 18:14:37
Jazzmin's Problem:
Well I would like to be in the new Harry potter film,but
first I need an agent,I'v looked in the yellow pages and on the
net but nothing,Im basicly looking for an agent on line that isnt
all that expensive untill I have a bit more money to pay him/her,and
the agent has to live in the UK,not america.Yours trully Jazzmin
Hi Jazzmin,
Well,you have a wonderful dream...given a chance I would love to be in the Harry Potter movie too!About finding an agent...hmmmmm perhaps you need to talk to people in your area and think if someone can help you out.Talk to people...first your dad!Ofcourse you can act in a Harry Potter play of your own in school or something...you could perhaps direct it yourself too!...for the moment...and you may become famous and be spotted by an agent!Good Luck!
220.
Name:Dom
City:Mount Laurel
Sex :Male
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 19 2002 / 22:02:52
Dom's Problem:
I'm a kinda shy person, and I really like this girl.
She likes me a lot 2. We talk alot online and on the phone, but
the problem is when we hangout or I see her in school I barely talk
and she thinks it makes her think I dont like her..she told me that
shes not gonna go out of her way 2 see me in school cuz i barely talk. I need some help!
Hi Dom,
This happens often.All you need to do is to stop being overconscious of your looks or anything else.Get rid of the idea that she is going to judge you in anyway.Feel more confident.Be normal.I am sure you will be able to talk to her personally,and not just online.Good Luck!
219.
Name:Matt
City:_____
Sex :Male
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 18 2002/17:00:00
Matt's Problem:
When I ask a girl to be my girlfriend they always lalf
and sa YA RIGHT. If anyone can answer my problem please do it QYICKLY because I am ALONE.
Hi Matt,
Well,perhaps you are just being to fast.Its very necessary to know the girl well and just be a normal friend before you ask her out!Dont try to impress them deliberately....becuase it just puts them off.Be yourself.Good Luck!
218.
Name:Melody
City:Beamount,,T.x.
Sex :Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 18 2002 / 16:15:14
Melody's Problem:
I have benn with this guy for a couple of months now
and I really care about him,we are sort of dating. Everything has
been going well except he does drugs and I had as really big drug
problem in my past but I have been sober for 10 months now. It hurts
me to see him on drugs all the time and I don't want him to do them
for mine and his sake...what should I do...
Hi Melody,
Well,theres only one way...you need to talk to him.Be sure you dont hurt his ego and let there be a lot of respect seen in whatever you say to him.Let there be a great deal of understanding that he can see.Be warm,but at the same time firm in what you say.If you cant really persuade him,see if you can take him to a therapist/rehab.Dont be rude and curt.It would only anger him and let him retort in a very damaging way.As you are not a therapist,theres always a chance that he may not take your words seriously.But you need to be patient and persuasive.Good Luck.
217.
Name:Matt
City:Buffalo
Sex :Male
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 18 2002 / 00:09:40
Matt's Problem:
well, i like this girl a lot in my High School. I
think I got a few girls liking me, but I don't know. I've liked
her for a long time and I don't know if she likes me the same way.
She does stare at me from time to time and I do know her a little
well. I just like to know how can you tell if someone likes you? are there signs?
I'm also very scared when it comes to asking or talking to girls. Am I completely hopeless?
Hi Matt,
Everything comes out of self confidence.Its all about how you carry yourself.That does more impressing than just looks.Be confident and dont have the fear of being judged.Good Luck!
216.
Name:Monica
City:Beamount,,T.x.
Sex :Female
Age :10
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 17 2002 / 06:12:00
Monica's Problem:
Ok. I need help. I just don't like my life. I'm close
to hating it! It's just that well, my dad works nights (from 4 pm
to either 1 am or 4 am), my mom doesn't know how to drive so I'm
in the house ALL day, I live in a tiny house, I am an only child
which gets extremly lonley, and my family and I are poor. I just
can't take it anymore. I cry for no reason at night, I am an outcast
at school, and I don't have a best friend. I don't think I've ever
had a best friend. I just want to feel better. I want someone to
talk to. My parents grew up in India so they don't know anything
about growing up here. I have tried to talk to them about this,
they LAUGHED. What should I do? I don't want to hate my life. I
want a happy life. I whish I were never born. PLEASE HELP. What should I do?
Hi Monica,
A happy or a sad life doesnt just come.If my life is happy its because of me and if my life is not joyful,it still is because of me.The solution to every problem lies within us.A small change of attitude can make a lot of difference in the way we lead our life.Its in our hands to bring happiness to our life.Monica,you need to understand that if you think you are poor,you and your family is not going to be like this forever.Thats a fact.Things will certainly improve.You need to be patient and optimistic.Well,patience and optimism probably are qualities that I mention in almost every other solution.Yes its very important.Patience and optimism help us find peace with our present,and be hopeful about our future!I am sure your parents will be in a better financial position in a short while from now.You just need to wait.
And about not having a best friend,well,you need to have one!Talk to people,and dont just coil up in a corner at school.Best friends happen only if you talk to people around you.Stop thinking people will not come to you because you are "poor".All that it takes to have a best friend is to be friendly,cheerful,warm and frank and helpful.Thats all!And there you go....a best friend for you!
Stop worrying about not having things at home.About spending time with your parents,talk to your dad and mom.Dad will surely find atleast some time in a week to take you out...or atleast once in a fortnight.Mom,will be with you everyday...talk to her;she's your friend too!Monica,your parents love you a lot,its only the hard situation thats prevailing...that will be soon replaced by better ways.Be happy and cheerful...engage in your school work,go to play...see interesting things on the internet!Learn something new.Listen to music.I am sure you will be more happy!Good Luck Monica!
215.
Name:Stephanie [Cally]
City:Beamount,,T.x.
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 16 2002 / 20:22:59
Stephanie's Problem:
I know I am only 12, but I like this boy a WHOLE lot!
And then 1 day I had to move. I didnt get to see him my last day
there, so I couldnt tell him goodbye. I knew I would miss him but
I miss him a WHOLE lot! Way more than anyone can handle, and I'm
not exserating. I really mean it!!!! But anywaz even if I do move
back there, [I'm only 27 miles away, though it seems like I'm across
the world!]I wouldnt see him b/c I forgot where he lives and where
I lived was a VERY, VERY, VERY big town! I wouldnt know what Middle
school to go to since there are soooooooo many Middle Schools there.
I know I should try to move on but I cant! HELP! TY!!
Hi Stephanie,
Hmmmm..If you were a little older,I would asked you to accept things or make you understand acceptance...as most of life is accpetance and optimism.Situations and circumstances seldom favour our wishes.But since you are 12,I think its too small an age where you can really learn to accept things and find peace.I understand what you are going through.But as both you and i know,theres nthing much that can be done,well I can only say you need to slowly and consciously make an effort to stop attaching yourself to this guy.Start engaging yourself with other things,like hobbies,etc.Look at your new friend around and socialize.This will let you move over.Good Luck!
214.
Name:Karin Dumas
City:Lewiston
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 16 2002 / 02:26:00
Karin's Problem:
I really need help. I am sure that my best friend
is planning to commit suicide. She talks about it a lot and she
awlways says how her life sucks and she wishes she were dead or
would die. I ave tried everything and I just can't make her understand
or get through to her. I can't sit back and watch my friends life
fall apart or end, but I'm afraid if I tells oemoen she knows it
will get around and she would be mad ta me and think that she doesnt
have any more friends because I told her she can always trust me
with everything.I'm so scared and I don't know what to do. Please
help me by trying to tell me how to talk to her and help her through
this. I would never be able to thank you enough.
Hi Karin,
My heart is filled with hope and joy,seeing people like you,who write to me on behalf of their friend.I want to congratulate you for your sincere efforts,and want you to know how fortunate your friend is to have you by her side!God bless you!
Well,as I dont know what exactly is your friend's problem I can only speak generally in this regard.First you need to be always optimistic with the way your speak to her.You need to support her with her ideas,and be empathetic with her problems.Well,I dont mean you need to be supportive of her "wrong" ideas...you know what I mean by "wrong ideas"!Fill her with hope...be by her side in times of need.Try to be as unconditional as possible.Its just a phase and she will get over it soon.FOr this you need to be patient,optimistic and hopeful!Well,if things go ver much out of control,you can take her to a therapist,or seek someones personal advice and counselling.But,you need to be always optimistic and positive with your approach to her.No matter how hopeless she sounds,you need to renew her hopes and strengths.Although she may disagree with you,believe me she will give your words a thought when she goes to bed at night!So its very essential that you fill hopes and be optimisitc with your friend.Slowly she would change her mind and become a more psoitive person.I wish you and your firend a very happy and successful life!Good Luck!
213.
Name:Tanya Jenkins
City:New York
Sex :Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 12 2002 / 23:31:29
Tanya's Problem:
My mother throw me out the house. I have no where
to turn. She has a protection order against me. I live with friends
day to day. I can not support myself on my income. No, I am a
very good girl. I go to school (senior year), work partime, never
been pregnant, no kids. My mother and I can not get along. She
said, she doesn't want me any more. My question is that I am still
young can I get support from her or file for welfare although I
am only 17. Will be 18 on march going. She also has my bank statements,
and money that will be granted to me from a previous car accident.
Second question is there a way to get the money that belongs to me.
Hi Tanya,
Well,Tanya,I am afraid I wouldnt be able to help you out with your problem.As I do not know the exact legal iffs and buts of your place,I am not in a good position to help you out.Nevertheless,you can seek the help of a legal advisor or some knowledgeable person in this regard.Theres one thing I can tell you though.Be brave;when you think all is gone,dont forget to tell yourself you are wrong!Never lose hope!Be brave.Good Luck!
212.
Name: Krista M.
City:Lake City, FL.
Sex :Female
Age :11
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 11 2002 / 22:55:41
Krista's Problem:
Ok. Well, this might be a little long, but here it
goes: Okay, well, i'm 11 almost 12, and I like 3 boys. Andrew, Trey,
and Clint. Trey is soo cute! But he is going out with someone and
I am sooo mad! And then, Clint just asked someone out this morning,
she said 'yes'! Then, Andrew is cute, he;s goin out with my friend,
but I dont really mind AT FIRST. Then he asked for my number like
83853487165786457 times! haha. So I finally gave him meh MOMS numba,
cuz meh dad would probally FREAK if I got a call from a boy. Anyway,
he called and I told my friend (his g.f) and she doesn't believe
me and now she's mad at me. So here's what I want you to answer:
How can I get Trey to like me? And, how can I find out if he's interested
in me? And, How can I find out if Andrew likes me? I don't really
care about Clint that much, so forget about it. Please answer this
asap, I really need it FASSSSSST!
Thanx,
Danielle
Hi Krista,
I think you are a little too confused ot decide on a single guy at the moment.So it really is not wise to make any decision,because you never knwo when you might suddenly start liking the other guy ehrn things are already ging fine with one guy.It really would become a pain...and leave you confused and rob your peace of mind.
So,take some time and let the things settle and when you ahve aclear mind as to whom you really want,you can make a decision.Theres no hurry whatsoever....believe me.So its worth the wait.A lot of things may happen which and you will learn a lot of new things,when you will be really able to decide and know who you really want.Till then just chill!....as plain as that..no buts and no iffs!Good Luck!
211.
Name:Devin
City:Texas
Sex :Male
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 10 2002 / 22:57:26
Devin's Problem:
I really Want to get a girlfriend. There's this one
girl that I like, but I'm to shy to tell her. I don't think she
even knows me. I really like her though!!!!!! So what do I do to get her attention?
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 10 2002 / 22:57:26
Me again. I just wanted to say I REALLY like this girl!!!!
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 10 2002 / 23:33:24
Hi, it's me again and this goes with the last thing
I said. What if the girl I like has a boyfriend that I don't know about???????
Hi Devin,
The best thing you can do is to not try to change her ways as long as you know she is not doing something wrong.Well,you know what I mean by wrong.As long as she talks to you and behaves good with you,you dont have to really worry.If her behaviour has changed so drastically that you find it difficult to cope up,then you need to speak to her politely,and with all the respect.Make sure you dont hurt her by your words.As you yourself said,she's perhaps wanting ot "fit in".But as a friend its your duty to make her understand thngs if she is really going out of the way.Good Luck!
210.
Name:Mandy
City:California i think
Sex :Female
Age :7
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 10 2002 / 21:09:17
Mandy's Problem:
geo keeps taking my pens. i tolds te teacher and she
wont do nothing. im mad at him cause he took my fav green crayn. thank yoi
Hi Mandy,
What you can do is to be more careful with your belongings.Keep them with you.Stop being careless if you are.Keep all your things in one place,perhaps your school bag if you carry one.And have an eye on your things.You have to be responsible for your things...but sometimes it just goes out of your hands.Dont worry,soon you will learn how to take care of your favourite things.Just be a little more careful and dont leave things here and there....expecting to find it back when you come!Well,thats only a chance.Another thing you NEED to do is to return things that others have lost and you have found.This way,it will encourage them to reciprocate the same to you.Good Luck!
209.
Name:Holly
City:-
Sex :Female
Age :11
Date/Time of Posting: Sep 09 2002 / 19:40:33
Holly's Problem:
See i really like this guy but i don't think he likes
me back and i don't know what to do
Hi Holly,
You only need to wait and act slow.Dont think of jumping into a relationship right from start.Get to know him,...get him to know you.Talk to him.Well,you are 11 and so I wouldnt really want you to get into a relationship.The thing is that at every point of time you think you know everything about the ins and outs of a relationship...but everytime its not very true.At at 11....certainly you cant know much about these intricacies.So wait and act slow!Stop thinking its now or never!Good Luck!
208.
Name:Ben
City:Darlington
Sex :Male
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 08 2002 / 15:15:15
Ben's Problem:
I was going out with this girl for a year and 2 months,
she told me she loved me and want s to spend the rest of her life
with me. Then she started to say that she is seeing me more as
a friend, and needs space. So i gave it to her and then she started
talking about breaking up for a bit and seeing how it goes, and
i promised i would have her back and she said she just needs space
and wouldn't go out with anyone for a while. Then a week later
i say her with a new boyfriend, and it killed me. I dont know what
to do because she wont talk to me about it and i keep seeing them
together. Have you got any advise on how i may get her to give
our relationship another try???
Hi Ben,
Well,it does hurt when she would just cut off and go with another guy without giving you a reason(atleast thats what I understand by your mail).
I think its better to leave things as they are..and not force yourself on her.Accept the situation.Be more broadminded and have an all round perspective of what has happened.Somehow things didnt work out for the two of you.Its better for you to move on.This is precisely why I often say things can go wrong or out of comprehension when you venture into a relationship either too fast or too young.Well,you have learned a lot of things by now.Learn to feel fortunate and blessed.You will certainly get another girl.And next time,you can have a more concrete relationship.Another thing....well,you say that she asked for space.Perhaps thats what turned her off.Learn to give peole space...see if you need to work on it.Well,giving people space generally comes out of the trust you have for them.Just think.Good Luck!
207.
Name:Heather
City:Moorhead
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 08 2002 / 01:03:30
Heather's Problem:
Well hi again! I just wanted to give you an update
and also ask you another question. My problem is #184. The guy i
met at the dance was great and everything was pretty good until
3 days after the dance when my friend from that town called me and
told me that she had seen him with another girl!! I was so sad and
i didnt know what to do. It turns out that the girl he was with
has a step sister who I am kind of friends with and since I didn't
have his phone number i called and asked my friend if her step
sister was going out with (let's call him jake) jake. She said no
so then i was feeling better. (for awhile) I know that it was the
wrong thing to do by calling my friend instead of asking jake but
i didnt have his number and i had to know the truth. Then the next
day he emailed me back and said, "Hi i miss you too, but i think
friends would be better because long distance relationships usually
dont work out but you can have my phone number. talk to you later."
Agghhhhh!!!!! I'm mad at him for not telling me the truth that he
really had a girlfriend!! He tried to lie to get out of the situation.
So my question is how do i act now? I dont see him that often but
when i do it's going to be awkward!! And how do i move on?? I still
like him VERY much even after what he did to me! If he asked me
out i would probably say yes and im very ashamed to say that but,
i can't help it. So PLEASE help me get over this guy and maybe just
become friends with benefits!! Ha ha ha!! Thanks for your time!!
Please hurry with your response!!!!
Hi Heather,
Hmmmmmmm.You need to be a little more stable and stop acting on every small thing that you hear from anyone(colud be your friend,but still....).Stop spying him and doing such nonsensical things.Well,be patient,and dont think you have to have a relationship right today or never.What makes you think he has to tell you about the fact that he has a girlfriend or not.After all,you are still new friends....and probably he did not seee the need to tell you.Well,he would have had plans to tell you sometime later.He must not have avoided the fact deliberately.And after all,you stil dont know for sure if he has a girlfriend.Well,you need to talk to him directly.....(dont put him in a yes or no situation though!).Be more foresighted...and thoughtful.Good Luck!
206.
Name:Ritanair
City:Bangalore, India
Sex :Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 07 2002 / 14:33:22
Ritanair's Problem:
I am writing this on behalf of my friend who is also
living in the same city. My friend is a married woman with two children,
she is workign and her husband is in business. they are having a
happy married life. But, her sister's husband is constantly troubling
her by sending letters thru email showing his interest in her ,
giving her all praise which clearly shows that his intentions are
not clean. My friend though has clearly told him to keep off from
her is still worried that he is continuing to do the same. She is
also hesitant to tell about this to her sister as her sister trusts
this man a lot and will not believe us. She is in a fix as to what to do ....can u help???
Hi Ritanair,
Well,I usually take two or three days or even a week sometimes to reply,due to the large number of mails I receive.Also,due to other unavoidable preoccupations,I get delayed in reaching my friends visiting this site.Nevertheless updating my site has always been a top priority in the order of my day to day activities.I stop here to assure you and other readers,my unconditional sense of commitment to this work.I regret for the delay and inconvenience caused to you.I will certainly try to improve my speed and regularity.Your comments in the guestbook were of immense help.Thanks!
Coming to the problem...
Often,I get problems wherein a person seeks advice/help for his or her friend.This is a very appreciable quality and needs praise.You fall in the same category.I congratulate and thank you for the genuine effort you are taking for your friend.Keep it up!
I think your friend,being a mother of two,should boldly face the situation.After all she is old enough to stick to her guns and not entertain this man.She can also discuss the problem with her husband.By this she will gain a lot of moral support and this is the need of the hour.It will stop making her feel scandalous about anything.If things go very much out of control,I think she needs to talk to the man directly again,and make things more clear to him.At this point I would want to ask your friend to be more cautious in trying to understand and judge this man.Think twice before she makes an opinion about him.Sharing her problem with her husband is a very important thing she needs to do!
205.
Name:Chi-Chi
City:Lagos
Sex :Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 07 2002 / 13:19:41
Chi-Chi's Problem:
HI, I AM A GIRLOF 18 YEARS OF AGE. I AM GOING OUT
WITH A BOY. SINCE WE STARTED GOING OUT, I'M THE ONE WHO HAVE BEEN
BUYING HIM GIFT BUT HE HAS NOT GIVEN ME ANY. I'M THINKING WHETHER
HE LOVES ME OR HE JUST WANT TO USE AND DUMP ME.
THANKS
Hi Chi-Chi,
Well,gifts do mean to a certain extent.But gifts should never be considered as a yardstick to measure someones love or bondage or commitment in a relationship.Its really unwise to judge your guy with gifts that flow between the two of you.Well,gifts sometimes play a very sensitive role in a relationship.From the point of view of the giver of the gift,well his or her expectations grow enormously just because he/she gave a gift....Sometimes these expectations grow to a very undue/unjust/illogical level.And if the person is not able to realize this,its only wrath for him/her.So all you need to do is attach the right importance to gifts...especially the gifts that you give.Let it not put you in a very materialistic give and take kind of expectation.You need to know what to expect from the one you love.Gifts dont mean everything.Perhaps he's not very financially sound to buy you gifts...so here you have a chance to get more understanding.
Well,you know your guy otherwise right?So feel fortunate....dont mess your relationship for this reason....treasure the bond...Good Luck!
204.
Name:Rob
City:Liverpool
Sex :Male
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 30 2002 / 17:44:21
Rob's Problem:
I fancy this girl at my school but when ever im sat
next to her in class or outside im too embarassed to talk to here
but im usually fine talking to other girls please help
Hi Rob,
Well,first stop thinking that you have to impress her everytime you talk to her.This happens subconsciously and you force yourself to impress her.She's not judging you anyway.So,why bother!Its only when you think you need to impress her,that you get nervous and stop being yourself.So first get rid of the idea that she's judging you and you have to impress her.Got that?
All you need to do is be normal...dont put any pressure on yourself.Be what you are.She would perhaps even like you for that.Talk to her and act normal.Dont have to always be right in front of her...dont have to prove your point to her...no pressures at all!Believe me chances of her to like you will be more.This way you can easily talk to her and share your likes and dislikes.Get to know each other well.Act slowly...dont just declare a relationship the very next day.Good Luck!
203.
Name:Scott
City:not available
Sex :Male
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 04 2002 / 23:36:41
Scott's Problem:
I am having problems at school and at home. First
of all at school, i dont have any friends and i am left alone at
recess all by myself watching all the other kids together hanging
out while im standing all alone like a loner. Not only that but
people talk about me constantly. At home I live with my dad only.
My parents divorced when i was 3 years old. My dad is always gone
on the weekends to his girlfriends house and he dosent help me out
with homework and expects my brother and sister and me to clean
his house. Also my mom had schizophernia and she is curently in
the hospital. I dont get to see her much and i constantly hear people
calling her crazy and even asking others if shes handicap. I am
sick of it all and am afraid of highschool. What can I do?
Hi Scott,
You need to be humble,brave,optimistic.You need to be warm and compassionate with peole around you and with yourself.Stop worrying about what people say.If someone makes a joke out of you,just accept..and smile.Make sure you dont hurt anyone.Make sure you dont forget to smile to the person who mocked at you yesterday.All these does not mean weakness.It means strength.The amazing power of acceptance and forgiveness.It means a great deal of maturity.You are fortunate to think and by thinking you can analyse every hurdle coming your way,put them in right perspective..and get going.You will win no matter what.YOU need to believe this.Be optimisitc.Learn to not worry about small things in school.Talk to as many people as you find.Aleast to start with,you can find ine friend.Believe me this first break will boost your confidence,and you will be a lot more comfortable.I am sure you can find atleast one person.You need to make an attempt Scott...its in your hands.I am sure you can do it.Be humble,and warm.Nobody can turn you down.Blieve me!
With things at home,see if you can talk to your dad.Work out something together..only talking can do the work.Lot of things in life are not perfect from start..and a lot of them are not unchaneable.So talk to your dad,and work things out.Talk!Good Luck!
202.
Name:Kylie
City:Perth
Sex :Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 04 2002 / 06:10:48
Kylie's Problem:
I am currently in year 11 and want to leave school
my parents won't let me and to follow the career path i want i need
year 12 certificate and i don't know what to do? Can you Help.
Hi Kylie,
Well,with the information I have got from you,I dont know why exactly you want to leave school.Things seem to be just fine.If you want to leave school..your parents wouldnt let you.And if they let you,you cant even do what you dream of doing,because you know you need your 12th certificate.So think....I dont see any reason why you need to leave school....you atleast need to do a minimum of one year.Its just a year.Dont give up.Things will be a lot more smoother if you do your 12th instead of dropping out now in 11th!Good Luck!
201.
Name:Dana
City:Bronx
Sex :Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 04 2002 / 06:00:46
Dana's Problem:
My problem i have a fast matablism, i'm just to skinny
i wanna know how to slow it down and gain some weight..
Hi Dana,
Well,I suggest you see your family doctor.
200.
Name:Un-disclosed
City:Un-disclosed
Sex :Male
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 04 2002 / 00:22:43
Un-disclosed's Problem:
Hi, There is this girl from my school who i have
liked ever since she has gone to my high school. I wanted to get
to know her and become good friends. Iv always wanted to go out
with her but i think shes "out of my leauge". Im not the greatest
lookign guy. So iv been talking to her. Were good friends, but
one day i pass her in the hall and i toatally froze. The next day
she wrote me an e-mail saying she said hi, and i said i didn't hear
her. So the next day im talking to her online and she dosn't respond.
So i figure shes mad. So i get mad. I start looking 4 another
girl. I start talking to this girl about homecoming. Shes nice
and kinda hot. In class i always see her staring at me. Me being
not great looking thinks i have no chance. So the bottem line is
im affraid to like a girl because i always feel ill get shut down.
I have many friends that are girls. What should I do. Should
I try for the "hottest girl in school" or an average girl?O and
another thing is when i like a girl i think i need to know if they
like me im too scared to ask her out and not know. Please Help!
Hi Un-disclosed,
Well,I may sound rude,but you just seem to not be ready for a relationship.Its good if you put this off to a later date,when you know what you really need.Theres nothing like.."Can I go for the hottest girl....".Well,you need time to know what exactly you are looking for.And I dont mean its impossible...well,a matter of time.It will be worth the dormant phase.Well,another thing I need to tell you is that not all girls necessarily go by looks.And what makes you think you arent good looking.Good Luck!
199.
Name:Jade
City:Freehold
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 02 2002 / 18:08:47
Jade's Problem:
ok, in two days i am starting in a new school and
i dont know anybody except the girl next door. do you have any advice to help me make friends?
Hi Jade,
Well,you are fortunate to know someone the very first day.So things will be smoother!About making friends?...Well,as time passes youw will soon fall into the groove.You will certainly find "your kind of people".Dont have to worry.A general thing,you need to follow..is try to be broadminded,non-judgemental,warm and frank.These things will take you a long way.Live upto these qualities as much as you can...slowly you can build them up.Good Luck!
198.
Name:Jenn
City:Athens
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 01 2002 / 19:57:16
Jenn's Problem:
I have been swimming for about 8 years and this year
I don't want to. I would rather study or volunteer. The problem
is my parents. They want me to keep swimming but I don't know how
I can get them to understand. Please help me
Hi Jenn,
The only way you can make them understand is to frankly state your problem.Let them know your problems and that you cant manage studies as well as swimming.They will surely listen to your views if you talk to them politely and properly.they would definitely consider your wishes and problems.they would give a second thought.If they still dont agree to you,well you need to judiciously draw a line between academics and swimming.Just think!Dont just think in your way.Se how much of swimming you can do without harming your studies.Think and plan.Good Luck!
197.
Name:Rie
City:Salinas
Sex :Female
Age :11
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 30 2002 / 17:44:21
Rie's Problem:
I have a friend named Miho. She's the same age as
me. She used to be shy, little, cute, caring, quiet Miho, but now
she has totally changed! She's wearing different clothes now, wearing
nail polish (she used to hate it), watching different TV shows and
movies, listening to different music, and thinking different things.
Why? It's really bothering me. I'm not used to it. My other friends
has noticed it a little too. We're not sure if this is just a stage
or if she's trying to fit in more. Maybe she's trying to impress
an out-of-reach boy (she hinted that a little) but I want to understand
why and see what I should do. Thanks.
Hi Rie,
The best thing you can do is to not try to change her ways as long as you know she is not doing something wrong.Well,you know what I mean by wrong.As long as she talks to you and behaves good with you,you dont have to really worry.If her behaviour has changed so drastically that you find it difficult to cope up,then you need to speak to her politely,and with all the respect.Make sure you dont hurt her by your words.As you yourself said,she's perhaps wanting ot "fit in".But as a friend its your duty to make her understand thngs if she is really going out of the way.Good Luck!
196.
Name:Kenya
City:St.lucia
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 23 2002 / 23:41:44
Kenya's Problem:
St.lucia
Hi Kenya,
Well,you must understand that you cant reach them so easily.You cant try to find solace with other such fans like you.PErhaps talking directy to them or chatting with them or expecting a reply for your mail is difficult,becuase they would be busy.Theres nothing to be disheartened though.You can try to meet them when you get a chance!Good Luck!
195.
Name:Kenya
City:St.lucia
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 30 2002 / 01:07:58
Kenya's Problem:
well i am going to a secondary scholl and dose not
like troble .i have a couple of my friends whom is not talking to
me and was calling me names but then i make a teacher put a step
up to it.but still i have done the children nothing and just so
they stop talkiung to me . i mean thye not calling me names again
but i will like to make them my friends again .but i am not talking to them first.
Hi Kenya,
You must first understand that the more you react to their pranks in a bad way,the more they will do it.So,stop feeling bad if they call you names or whatever.Just smile and tune yourself to not get affected by them.Dont show any anger towards them.Then finally they wil get bored of doing what they are doing.You can put a smile and talk to them.NO matter what,if you show them your love and warmth,in the end they will be your friends.Good Luck!
194.
Name:Indranil
City:Ôffenbach, Germany
Sex :Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 27 2002 / 19:07:14
Indranil's Problem:
mark and i have been going out for nine months, and
it´s been really great, expect that i´ve got one problem: he´s always
jealous. Marc questions me all the time about boys i went out with
before i met him, and when he has to work on saturday night, he
expects me to stay at home. He even calls from work, and if i´m
not there, he gets very angry. i thought he´d get over his jealousy,
but he hasn´t, and it´s driving me crazy. how can i convice him he has nothing to worry about?
Hi Indranil,
Marc is not jealous.He's just having a mixture of feelings for you...he's possessive about you...mixed with a little distrust.Well,theres nothing much you can do to help the situation by talking to him.Sometimes when we realize the problem,its better we do our best to solve it in order to save the relationship.And so,you need to perhaps give a little more of yourself in this relationship.Well,if he expects you to be at home on Saturday nights,then its wise to be at home.DO what he says,to avoid any unecessary wrath.After all you know you are loyal.But Marc seems to be a person who wont go by words.So do it and show...do what he asks you to do.Shed your ego a little bit and find pleasure in doing what he asks you to do.This is in the good interest of your relationship.You must understand you have to make compromises in relationships!Do your part to save the relationship.Well,after all its been only 9 months.After sometime,he will trust you more and you can differ from what he says...and he will still agree and have more faith in you.Its only in these initial stages that you need to give in a little and take more pains.Later his possessiveness will not be mixed with an element of distrust.A little while later he would certainly trust you more and believe you and understand that he has nothing to worry.He's only a little slow...give him more time.Its just a matter of time Indranil...take it in your stride and handle things smoothly.Good Luck!
193.
Name:Cheryl
City:Ocala
Sex :Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 26 2002 / 04:19:22
Cheryl's Problem:
well me and my ex b/f went out for about 7 months..but
it has been off and on now for about a year and a 1/2. i love him
and care for him a lot.. and he has told me that he still likes
me. ever since the break up.. we have messed aroudn with eachother
quite a bit.. not sex though. well you see.. he has been spending
the night with me. and i wont expect him to make any moves.. but
the other night. he was holding my hand.. then put his arm around
me. and things progressed from there. I just dont know what to think
about him. im tired of having these "one night" things. i want something
more. but im afraid to tell him that, b/c i dont want to lose whatever
it is that we have. Is there something i can do to make this different?
I mean em and him have have "talks" before about this situation.
and he has told me that he is afraid of commitment, hes so afraid
of getting hurt. and he said that was the main reason why he broke
up with me. I cant imagine myself with anyone else. his friends
even refer to me as his g/f. I have been here for him since day
1 and i have never ever hurt him. i just want to know if there is
something i can do to make him realize that im not gonna do anything
to him. and that we could have something so good beween us?and can
you tell me whats goin on through his head?? please help =*(
Hi Cheryl,
Why do you have to hurry up things so much?Why do you behave like it is now or never?Cheryl,calm down.Well,if he is afraid of commitment and just wants to be a friend..well give him time.He will not be like this forever!Give him time...he will be more mature as he grows older.And as long as you are together as good friends,you can be hopeful that things can click.So you dont have to worry if things are not working out at the moment.If things happen slowly,it doesnt mean they will never happen.Especially relationships are not to be hurried up to live happily ever after.Be patient.And a word about your sex life.I hope you know the hazards of casual or unprotected sex.You are 17 and I would expect you to behave responsibly.Good Luck.
192.
Name:Kalyn
City:Hickville
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 25 2002 / 03:44:21
Kalyn's Problem:
I'm only 13 and i have a 17 year old boyfriend. I
dont think he really likes me cause he only called me once! we've
together 4 about a month my mom dont know and neither does my dad
or stepdad. very few people know. He has only had my number for
about 3 weeks and he has only called once. Every other time I am
the one that calla HIM! and when i do u wouldnt believe how hard
it is to talk to him! Almost Every time i call he is either In
the middle of a fist fight going to bed at work or so on and so
forth. Also i dont think that he really likes me because he has
other chicks calling his own phone! can u believe that? I know because
most of the time when I call he asks whos this?
OMG i would so like to dump but... well hes another problem: i'm
scared to. He says he thinks it would be cool to be "infilliated"
or concluded with the crips which is a gang! hes so much older and
so much stronger! ohhhhhhhhhh wat to do wat to do...
-Scared and confused
Hi Kalyn,
Stop thnking that every relationship has to end up in a "relationship" right from the start.Its only gradually that things will grow.You say its been only 3 weeks.So its very wrong to conclude things about someone so soon.Be good friends.Dont have very high expectations at the sart.Slowly things will change.And you will know for yourself whether things can work out or not.Right now,its just too early.If you see his deliberate avoidance,well you should be sensitive enough to know his intenions.Take your time and think calmly.Good Luck.
191.
Name:Linda
City:Lagos
Sex :Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 24 2002 / 20:59:54
Linda's Problem:
I AM A GIRL OF 17YEARS OLD FROM NIGERIA, I WANT TO
ASK. HOW WOULD U KNOW IF A BOY LOVES U.
Hi Linda,
Theres no such litmus test to know if a boy loves you or not.Its only through talking to him and understanding each other's likes and dislikes,that you can know what the other person thinks of you.Its worth every minute of talking and being together before "declaring a relationship".Its good for both of you,and it can lay a strong foundation for a good relationship.Talking out is the only way.Good Luck.
190.
Name:Bhanupriya R
City:Mysore
Sex :Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 24 2002 / 13:21:18
Bhanupriya's Problem:
hai vij,
well i am having prb in finding out the foll info...
as i am appearing for the councilling for engg this year...
My ranking is 14,000 odd. I want to study in bangalore, engineering..There
are so many colleges but coz of my ranking, i have to put up with
some college which is not very well established.......
1. How do i know which college has good facilities??
2. which of these have hostels or r there paying guest facilities available easily??
3.Is taking up computers a good choice now?
4. How about Instrumentation, telecom branches andenvironmental??
5. Is there a web site which gives u the syllabus of all the branches?
well,
I'll be really grateful if u help me outwith the foll info..my councilling is soon approaching.....29th..
thanx a lot
Priya
Hi Bhanupriya,
Hi Bhanupriya,
Well,Priya,...as you yourself have said....at 14000 theres not much option.Sounds hard...but we cant do much abt it now.
SO what you need to do now is to streamline your parameters of choosing a college.
I mean...you cant worry abt hostel...colg/...city...teachers...all at one time....because its going to be hard now....or may be not upto your mark w.r.t all the conditions together.You may have to make compromises.My advice is...stick to two main criteria...Bangalore...and the college.
Left to me, first choice is ofcourse the college..then I would look into the branches.After all theres no point in doing even the "best branch" when the college has no facilities or a good study atmosphere.And you really need'nt worry about hostel,PG facilities etc. from now itself.Those things will automatically click once you join the college....ofcourse you are a girl and these things matter a lot..I do understand.But you know there are more pressing priorities at the moment,given the rank.
You know which colleges are good in Bangalore...you can make a wise choice depending on what is available at the time of your counselling.If I were you,I wouldnt bother much about the branches..unless I have a strong passion for something(and not because people say something).
I would say one can excel in any branch and make hay with any branch.It only depends on you...how far you can push.And at the moment Com.Sci is not ruled out...things would be fine definitely.Any branch is ok.Its not a rule that Mechanical Engg is only for guys..as it involves bolts and nuts and hammers and chainsaws..haha,believe me thats not true!Yes,telecom,instrumentation,E&C...are all good branches.Bio.Tech,Envtl. are new fields and do have a good scope.So,you need not worry abot what each branch can make you and how far it can take you.A reputed college is the need of the hour.So go ahead and make a wise choice.Perhaps you may not get the most reputed college in Bangalore(or may be you can!)...then go for the next best..and the next best.Get the best college you can get!College would make a difference!I really cannot make a statement as to whats the best and whats the worst.I am sure you know what are the best and the OK's and the not so good colleges.You can visit the CET site whose link is there on my site...and in that site you can see the ranking of colleges in Bangalore.That can be very helpful to you.
Good Luck Bhanupriya.I wish you walk out satisfied from the counselling hall.Do keep me informed!
Heres the CET site:
https://www.angelfire.com/indie/arindam OR
http://www.cetinformation.com
189.
Name:Phillip
City:Bryant
Sex :Male
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 24 2002 / 00:17:16
Phillip's Problem:
see there is this girl I like but I don't have the
guts to ask her out.this is draving me crazy.can you help me.
Hi Phillip,
Stop thinking that she will slap you the moment you ask her out.After all she is as scared as you and perhaps as weak or as strong as you.Dont think shes going to feel obligated.Act normal.Just dont pounce on her.Become a good friend first...get to know each other well.And then think of a relationship.You are still 13,and theres no harm if you even put this off to a later date!Good Luck!
188.
Name:Alexis
City:Chicago
Sex :Female
Age :11
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 23 2002 / 23:41:44
Alexis's Problem:
I have a friend and she tells everyone that she is
dating the guy she likes and she doesn't date him, she really likes
him and he doesn't like her. the only reason i know is because she
told me and the problem is that she has convinced everyone that
she loves him and it is not true,and she has some how convinced
herself that she is in love with him and it is a problem because
she ends up crying herself to sleep. What should she do and what should i do?
Hi Alexis,
Your friend is very fortunate to have you.Your concern for her is really appreciable.
You need to be by her side..and be an emotional support.Ask her to stop building the false world which she has started to build.Ask her to stop telling people things that are not true.That itself will clear more than half of her obsession.She can slowly put the topic to rest and let it die out.By telling people false things,she is only building up pressure.This is not very pleasant.Every now and then she would have to lie..which would cause her to grow guilty and uncomfortable.This would spoil her relationship with nothers if she really continues doing so.If she really likes the guy,ask her to talk to him and theres no harm in being friends.And about a relationship,well,tell her its not the right time to really get into one.Perhaps a few years later would be fine.Alexis she has cared enough to be true to you.So,it requires you to keep up the trust and be a good friend of hers and be by her side in all her times.I really appreciate your concern for her.Good Luck.
187.
Name:Ne-Ne
City:Oxon Hill
Sex :Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 22 2002 / 19:56:46
Ne-Ne's Problem:
I know I was wrong to start seeing my ex's friend
but it just happened after my ex started seeing someone else. It
all started 2 1/2 years ago. We starting messing around with each
other but never established us as being a couple. He would tell
me that he loved me and I would tell him the same but we knew each
other we still somewhat seeing other people. The problem started
when I found out that one of my ex friends slept with him about
a year ago and got pregnant. He came over my house and casually
tried to mention it in a joking manner. He was still trying to
tell me that he loved me, but he asked why I was so mad. I asked
her about it and she confirmed. She says that she didn't know that
me and him were still talking. I'm mad at both of them and heartbroken.
I feel soi depressed, I can't eat and just can't believe this happened.
How do I cope with this? How can I get over him? I don't know what to do.
Hi Ne-Ne,
You only need to be a little broad minded now.Theres nothing much you can do about it.So the only thing you need to do is forgive him.After all,he was honest enough to admit it.If you go on blaming him for what he did,its only going to get worse....Things cannot change now.So accept the situation.If you can trust him now when he's with you,if you think he is going to be honest and loyal,its better you forget the mistakes of the past and get along well.Speak to him regarding this.Good Luck!
186.
Name:Rebecca
City:Silver Spring
Sex :Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 21 2002 / 20:43:43
Rebecca's Problem:
I am dating a man who was everything I wanted in the
begginning. As I grew to know him and love him I found out everything
I grew to love was a lie. For an entire year of our relationship
he told me lies to make me fall in love with him. After it was to
late I found out about all of the lies. I am hopelessly in love
with him. Every time I try to talk to him about it he turns everything
around on me. He asked me to give up everything I had to build a
life with him and I did. Now that I found out everything was just
a lie I am stuck with a painful love for him and nothing else in
my life. He told me that he was living with one of his mom's friends
but in all reality it was actually his ex-girlfriend. the 2 of them
purchased a house together. When they finally broke up he had no
money so he stayed in the house with her refusing to sell. Then
when him and I met he told me a bunch of lies about her. Now the
three of us live in the house together. I am totally miserable.
Everytime I try to leave he tells me how much he loves me and It
melts my heart so I give in. We have discussed moving out but he
says he doesn't want to sell the house to her because his grandfather
built it. I love him so much, I just don't know what to do. Sometimes
things are perfect the way they should be. Other times he is very
defensive and seceretive. I am not that kind of person at all. I hope you can help me.
Hi Rebecca,
It does hurt when you dont get the same amount of frankness in return for yours.When you are very open and the other person is nto,it does hurt.Sometimes the other person may be unintentionally secretive.Its just their nature to not speak much.Ofcourse they would speak up when you ask.Now all you need to do with your boyfriend is an open talk.You have to request him to be more frank and ask waht are his intentions.What are his plans...etc.Only talking can save you from any sort of misunderstanding.So,call him and talk to him one evening.Dont fight.Just say it hurts when he's not very open with you.Discuss things and sort them out.Its very dangerous if you conclude things about him without even talking to him.So do the talking...it really is the need of the hour.You can even consider a break up if you think you cant cope up with the relationship.After all whats the use if you are hurt every other day.Good Luck.
185.
Name:aaaauuuu
City:Buffalo
Sex :Female
Age :10
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 21 2002 / 20:28:53
aaaauuuu's Problem:
i am gay and i like a girl should i tell her
Hi aaaauuuu,
No.You really even need to know what it means to be gay...and age 10 is far to less for comprehending and knowing a lot of things.Just dont act on anything at the moment.
184.
Name:Heather
City:Moorhead
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 21 2002 / 19:35:00
Heather's Problem:
I met this great guy at a dance and we really hit
it off. We hung out the whole weekend when I was staying at my friend's
house about an hour away from my house. He even kissed me!! He told
some of his friends that he thinks I'm hot and he really likes me!!
I like him so much. I emailed him about three days ago and he still
hasn't emailed me back!! There is a lot of chemistry between us
and our friends have told us that we make a great couple, but i
don't know what to do. Is this just a weekend hookup or could it
become a relationship?? please help me!!!!
Hi Heather,
Weekend hookup or a possible relationship?Well,time is the answer.I would only ask you to not hurry things up.Dont get carried away.Think logically and stick to your priorities in life.
Sometimes it becomes a mess when you listen to too many people saying too many different things...it really leaves you confused!So think for yourselves before you do anything.Ofcourse suggestions from close friends are welcome.But they should not have a final say on what you decide.You have to think for yourself.Get to know him better.After all you've met him only once in a dance.See if you can meet again and get to know him better.Dont jump to conclusions and dont hurry up things.Act slow and sane.
About his not mailing you doesnt necessarily mean he doesnt like to talk to you.Perhaps he's busy with something else.Good Luck!
183.
Name:Max
City:Colombo
Sex :Male
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 21 2002 / 14:27:49
Max's Problem:
My problem is that i am frequently followed by older
homosexuals and this drives me crazy! I am even afraid to walk in
the street for fear of being followed by homosexuals. I have been
approached by about 10 gays. Please help in confronting this problem as soon as possible
Hi Max,
Max,speak to your parents..and see what can be done.You could get their support in any way you want.Be brave and dont hesitate to express your disinterest if anyone approaches you.Keep away..and be brave.Nothing can happen without your consent.Move around unknown areas(till you are a little older) with friends and known people around with you.Dont hesitate to express your problem to elders at home.Good Luck!
182.
Name:Marga
City:----
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 21 2002 / 04:25:19
Marga's Problem:
I started to this new school, and I got some problems :(
Here they go....
1-There is this teacher I don't get actually along with. How can
I do for her not to hate me and for me to actually get along with
her? I ask you about her not hating me because I did a very bad
first impression as a student (I have a warning for coming late!!!)
2-Ok, I get late to the class after lunch, and I don't know how
not to! I just stop by my locker to leave my lunchbox, never go
to the restroom and don't socialize. I also walk pretty fast. How can I speed up a lil more?
Hi Marga,
I shall talk to you in the same order as you have stated your problems.
First the teacher problem.Well,no teacher would hate you first of all.every teacher loves his/her students.Their getting angry or irritated doesnt mean they hate you..and that your impression can never be changed for the better.MArga,you only need to be more studious and sincere and regular with your work,tests,etc.Theres no other substitute or no other better way of impressing a teacher.Think about it.
I really dont know why you get late when you dont do any of the things that would make you late.Perhaps you need to eat a little faster.And you need to get a wrist watch if you dont have one.So,you will be able to keep track of time and see to it that you reach class in time.
And one more thing...why do you say you dont socialize?You should socialize and have many friends and a few close ones..in case you dont already have them.Good Luck!
181.
Name:Tai (for short)
City:????
Sex :Male
Age :10
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 20 2002 / 04:53:40
Tai's Problem:
hey i know im so young for this type of thing so im
trying so hard to get it out of my head but i figure it will go
away soon anough theres this girl i like alot i try not to think
about her but it just happens whent i go out sk8 boarding i slam
on the easiast tricks on snow boarding totale crash and burn and
in movies in video games i lose focus I HATE IT!!!!!!!!! and if
i was older id just tell her and hope for the best but im just asking
if thats a good idea to tell her and hope that it clears my mind
i realy need to take action or else ill be a reck til im 15 (by
the way i turn 11 in like a week or 2 im kinda not sure)normaly
i dont need any advice ive mooved ove 12 times my parent fight even
though they divorced when i was 2 and bullies i usualy deal wit
it and figure it out but i just need help wit this one.
Later,
Tai
Hi Tai,
Its great that you think a lot and try to solve your own problems....really very nice Tai.
As far as this girl problem is concerned,well,dont really need to take any action now.She cannot creep into your mind if you make a deliberate and sincere attempt to not think of her all the while,especially while studying or skate boarding.Talk to her normally and be a good friend.YOu will be old soon and then you can think of telling her.Right now neither you nor she are really mentally equipped to pursue a relationship.things can get really confusing and difficult.Definitely you have a chance when you are older.Till then think of studies and other hobbies.Good Luck!
180.
Name:********
City:Mt. juliet
Sex :Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 18 2002 / 20:01:49
********'s Problem:
i need to know how you can tell you are pregnant without
buying a home pregnancy test please help me
Hi ********,
The only option I know is to go to a doctor,perhaps one away from your locality,if you feel embarassed going to a known doctor.But it is really painful to see that a lot of teens have unsafe sex.This is very disturbing.I hope you are aware of the diseases related to sex and their consequences.Well,since you are 18,I would advice you to atleast have safe sex.Dont have multiple partners.Sex with one person,with one you love is ideal and fine....avoid multiple sexual contacts.Act sane!
179.
Name:REGGIE
City:BRENTWOOD
Sex : Male
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 15 2002 / 18:14:33
REGGIE's Problem:
I NEED A GIRLFRIEND GIVE ME TIPS ON HOW TO GET ONE PLEASE AND THANK YOU
Hi REGGIE,
I told Rashaad something who had the same problem as yours...you can refer to it.Its just below.Its in problem no. 148
178.
Name:Nadia
City:______,Malaysia
Sex : Male
Age :11
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 15 2002 / 06:47:58
Nadia's Problem:
I'm sitting for an exam in September and I actually
finished my trial. My trial results was low and I don't know why.
I usually get high marks and good grades. But now my marks are low
I got a low A!!!!!!!!!!!82! I keep on crying and crying and crying.
I studied hard and do what all it takes to get good results but
what I get is not what I expected!!! How would you feel! Very sad!
SO angry! I feel like killing myself. Why did it happened to me?!?
What did I do! Untill I was punished like this! Why Why Why Why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Please
help me! What should I do!!!!!!
Hi Nadia,
I want you to first take this hug I am sending across the miles!Nadia,by any standards an 82 is not low..not at all.Theres no need for you to feel so disappointed.You only need to be happy....becuase you have got what it takes.You are hardworking and bright.And when you can get 82 theres nothing preventing you from getting 92!Believe me.Its just that little(but important) fine tuning that you need to do...and there you are with your dream marks.Theres nothing other than hardwork.Just push a little harder and you will make it.Blieve me..it will be fine.And more than believing me..you need to believe yourself.You know you are a good grader...so you know you have done it before.Look at your own past and get inspired!You have it and you can do it Nadia.Do not get rejected in any way.Dont give up.Dont take this 82 so seriously...it is after all a decent score!And one more secret about mock or trial tests is that they are generally tougher than the real tests!So your 82 is no indicator of your real marks.You very much stand a chance for a 90+ or a the marks that you desire.
The only thing that will take you where you want to be is the desire and hardwork and concentration and optimism.Never let anything affect your confidence.Be positive and you will make it.Dont panic.Good Luck Nadia....and do write to me saying how well you did in your exam!
177.
Name:*****
City:NY
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 15 2002 / 05:45:27
*****'s Problem:
I think im fat. And sometimes i dont eat to lose wieght.
but when i do that, i just eat more & more. My friends say that
im not fat. and that Im in the middle. Im 13 and am 130 pounds.
I really want to lose wieght but i cant. Today i had a thing of
Mac & chesse and that was it. I contantly think of food and how
overwieght i am so i pan what im gonna eat the next day. Im litterally
driving myself crazy. 2morrow im gonna eat a slice of pizza. and
maybe a granola bar. i think im crazy, but i dont want to tell my
mom this. she'll think im crazy. but she is always saying how fat
she is. SHe is 140. So if shes fat, i must be too....
Please Help!
Hi *****,
Let me tell you that its no general rule that you have to not be fat to look good.You can look good even if your a few pounds more than normal.There really isnt any such standard.Its not that every guy around has the same taste of his girl being slim and thin.Beauty is really in the beholder's eye.You need to understand its all the more important to be a warm,caring and a friendly person to be liked.
Inspite of knowing all these facts,it happens that sometimes your weight really takes a toll on your confidence level..Then you need to be more strict with yourself.The toughest person to deal with,is yourself.So you need to be more determined.Divert your attentions....from eating.Make a vow.Set targets to lose weight.Set small incremental targets..say losing 2 pounds in two weeks or something smaller than that too.Its very important how you chose your targets.You cannot just choose 50 pounds to lose at one shot....and in the end you are just not able to do it at one shot!This leads to disappointment and you stop pursuing your goal.Its only these small targets that you can see it happen..and continually takes you towards your goal.DO IT IN SMALL INCREMENTS...AND NEVER STARVE.Once you starve...your thought is always about food..and the next meal you just over eat because you start patting your back saying you did a good job of starving all day..and theres nothing wrong in eating this much now.Result is overeating.So the key is not to over do with whatever you are doing.You can perhaps have one chunk of the pizza if you would normally have 2 chunks..Slowly reduce your eating....but eat well...dont starve!Its very important that you dont eat between your meals..very important!More than anything you need to first believe you can do it...you really need to believe and have faith in yourself.Regular excercise would help too..but again dont over do it.Good Luck *****!
176.
Name:Trina
City:BK
Sex : Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 15 2002 / 05:37:47
Trina's Problem:
I liked this guy last year. But i didnt like the way
he was. He knows i used 2 like him. and i think he even liked me
for awhile. But i found out he talked about me and says he didnt
really like me behing my back. So i got over him and i tried to
be his friend. But he still talked about me. by this time, i had
told him i didnt like him that way anymore (he asked me if i did)
he has this 1 friend (lets just call him Sam)
that told me he was talking about me. Well sam told me that he was
saying now, that im always looking at him. If i was, i didnt notice.
I look at everybody! so he counted the times i looked @ him 1 day
and it was over 20. So i was mad and just ignored him. till one
day i overheard him say that i was lookin @ him and he was sayin
i was fat and ugly. so we started arguing cause i could stand it
anymore. Well the other day my cousin came over and she wanted to
talk to some of my friends and she wanted to talk to him.Sam had
called me B4 i called him and told me he has alot of pictures of
me that i didnt know he took. So i called him and she talked to
him for like 10 seconds and i talked to him w/out being mad for
the first time in 5 months. and he sounded real happy to talk to
me and was just generally really happy. But anywayz... I think im
startin to like him again cause he was real nice to me on the phone.
But it couldve been that no1 called him all summer long. whats the
deal with him? and should i trust him enough to start liking him again?
Hi Trina,
I see a lot of confusions...and am sure you do too!I can only say,"Never make important decisions at the peak of any emotion,either while you are too upset or while you are too happy".
So,Trina,theres no need for you to hurry up things.Dont allow too many people to decide things for you.Ofcourse you can take their suggestions.But its you who has to decide in the end.You would see a lot more ups and downs...dont get carried away.Be slow and patient.
You need'nt be angry with him or immediately fall in love with him just because someone said something.Just be normal...talk to him and be good.And it really is a tough job to choose a partner at age 12....and theres no harm if you put this decision off to a later date and take some more time!Good Luck Trina.
175.
Name:Jen
City:Vancouver, B.C.
Sex :Female
Age :19
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 14 2002 / 22:54:07
Jen's Problem:
ok - this is gonna be long, so please be patient!
i know that relationships isn't your specialty, but any opinion
in this matter would be appreciated! ok. Me and my boyfriend (whom
i love very much) have been going out for almost 1 year. we met
at work, where we both still work today. now, it seems that lately,
he isn't as affectionate as he used to be, in the first 6 months
of our relationship. now, i guess that's normal, and i dont' want
to MAKE him be all affectionate unless he wants to be. also, sometimes
he'll cancel plans, which is very frustrating, but he usually has
a valid reason and i always trust what he says. he's not the type
to lie and come up with excuses. it's just that this sometimes
makes me feel a little unwanted. i'll kind of let him know that
i'm upset by it, but he insists that he's not doing it purposely.
he most likely isn't, but it still is a blow to my self-esteem.
so i end up feeling not only unwanted, but guilty because i'm so
mad at him, and maybe i shouldn't be. i would like to give him
the benefit of the doubt, but there is always a little insecurity
that says maybe he just doesn't want to hang out, or whatever.
it's driving me nuts! we see each other almost every day, and always
talk on the phone, so maybe we are spending a little too much time
together and this is just his way of saying he needs a little space.
how do you think i should handle this? should i give him a little
space, even though he hasn't asked for it, and risk hurting his
feelings by making him think maybe I don't want to see him? aaarrghhh!
sorry it's so long, and again, thanks for even reading this!
Hi Jen,
It does become a tendency that once you know the relationship has quite worked out,then it doesnt require the real formalities.You know,its been one year and he expects you to be more understanding.Atleast in his view,the relationship has become more mature and he doesnt see the dire need to keep up plans,if he has another appointment coming up his way.After all he has been honest and frank in his intentions and its pretty clear to you that he had genuine reasons to not keep up the plans.So he expects that little more understanding from you.In fact you need to be happy that your relationship has grown this much.Perhaps you need to catch up a little but.
In fact it doesnt mean he is less affectionate with you...it just means he trusts you more with his emotions and YOU just need to keep it up.Anyway,you need to be more practical and get accustomed to such situations...and accept that things may not be perfect all the time.So,Jene,theres no reason why you should feel unwanted,becuase he's doing it to you because he loves you and expects you to understand him.Believe me he wouldnt do it to a stranger that he'd have to meet!So understand the trust,and its only with you he can afford to be normal and informal...and so you need to only feel special.It doesnt mean he dislikes you or that you are less important now!
Nevertheless,if it happens too often,you need to express your feelings,and see if theres any possibility that his plans could be more planned!Never keep your feelings to yourself and make assumptions.Ofcourse if at all you see deliberate avoiding by him,(which you say he doesnt do)you need to talk to him and get things cleared.Good Luck Jene.
174.
Name:Brendon
City:Cambridge
Sex :Male
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 14 2002 / 18:02:39
Brendon's Problem:
Hi my name is Brendon, and I don't get along with
any of my teachers. And this year I was hoping to be able to meet
new teachers but now my school is doing something called looping
and now I have to be with them this year too. I am going into the
8th grade what should i do. Email me with advice if you have any.
bkelvt@aol.com
Hi Brendon,
Brendon,the only reason why you may not be getting along well with your teachers is because you may not be doing your duties fully as a student.Theres no other possible reason why they must be troubing you.Believe me...you are blessed to have the same teachers again!You really are blessed..staright from heaven!
Brendon,heres how you can improve your relationship with your teachers.First accept that they truly love you...you need to really believe this from this very moment on.Thats the fact.The teacher who has troubled you the most probably loves you the most!Brendon you must start loving them..and when you love them you will do what they ask you to do.And when this happens you'd get more visible love from them!Believe me,theres no ecape from hardwork...a different teacher doesnt mean a better relationship.You must understand that the problem is not with the teacher,but its all in your hands...how good a student you can be is the question here!
Dont fear the teachers.They are God sent angels who are here to help you out.Just blindly follow what they ask you to do...and see how things change.You are still 13 and really are inexperienced in many areas of life.You have to listen to them...do your homework.Just give yourself a chance to get one good credit and one good comment for your work from a teacher.Thats it.You've broken the ice.And you'll know how easy it is to love your teachers who really love you a lot!
Brendon you cannot escape from hardwork..so why think in that direction?Love yourself and love your work...everything will be fine!You need to make a deliberate attempt in this direction.Constantly push yourself from your comfort zone..expand it(your comfort zone) gradually.You will really find peace with your teachers and yourself!
And Brendon,if there's any personal problem with any teacher,you need to speak with your elders...and get things sorted.Good Luck!
173.
Name:Christy
City:Grafton
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 12 2002 / 15:30:57
Christy's Problem:
Hey, I have 2 problems. One is I got a call for my
first job interview and then i'm wondering what do I say or where?
I'm really nervous. The other one is how do I make more friends
and become less shy? Please e-mail if you can that would be great thanks!!!
Hi Christy,
I can say I havent attended a job interview myself.But I think I can help you out in general,with respect to any formal discussion or presentation or interview,anywhere you are being tested.
Its very important that you dress well..feel confident about what you are wearing.Clothes that make you bost your spirits and morale...The best clothes do not mean flashy clothes..but once that are decent and presentable in nature.Avoid flashy colours and too much of fashion.But they should be neat and good.No make up...just see to it that you look clean and your hair is done well..and all these samll things should be taken care of.Reach the place of interview well before time.Get acuustomed to the place atmosphere.Dont worry about the "what if's".Never let negative thoughts creep your mind.Be positive and optimistic.Never get nervous if you cant answer something.Never lie.If you dont know somehting its good to accept that you dont know.Be confident and keep a sporty face!Dont forget to take all that you have to take.Check once before you leave home.Well,this is all I can think of for an interview.I may be late in reaching you for this particular interview..but this is just the begining.YOu'd attend many more interviews in you life!
Making friends should never be a conscious effort.It not that you declare someone your friend and start off your friendship.Its a natural thing.You need to be humble,warm,frank and honest.Be more tolerant.Have a mutual respect for others' ideas.ITs not that you dont differ with them at all,but differ gracefullu and humbly!Accept people as they are and be genuine in whatever you do.Its not that you give the most expensive gift and expect the best friendship to happen.It only depends on what you give(non materially).Thats what you would receive in return.Be loving and caring and broadminded.Broadminded enough to forgive mistakes that they may commit.After all they are humans.Theres nothing more to being genuine and warm and loving and frank...for a succesful friendship.You will get what you give...whether negative or positive.Good Luck!
172.
Name:Christen
City:Northridge, Ca
Sex :________
Age :22
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 11 2002 / 19:38:44
Christen's Problem:
So here is my dilemma. I have this great boyfriend and
I go to CSUN for summer school. But before I met him I hated CSUN
and wanted to get out of here. So I picked to transfer to Long Beach.
Then I met him. My parents got me a dorm at Long Beach and want
me to stay there and want me out of Northridge. I want to stay with
my boyfriend and was thinking I could commute because I only have
class two days a week. But my parents did not like that idea and
do not want me to go and visit him often. I know this is going to
hard on him and me. I don't know what to do. I could get an apartment
with him and pay for it myself but if my parents found out they
would be very disappointed in me. If I stayed in the dorms at Long
Beach and tried to commute to see him I am not sure how that would
work. I do not know what to do. I am 22 and a graduate student
but financially my parents handle everything. I am stuck and when
I talk to my boyfriend about Long Beach he looks so sad. Help me,
any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much!
Hi Christen,
Well,as an ethic and as a rule,I wouldnt want to advice you,becuase you are elder to me!I am 21 at the moment..you say you are 22!
But,as a friend I wouldnt step back from shraing my views with you.
Christen,the first lesson of life is acceptance....which often helps us to put the problem in right perspective.I mean,this arrangement of yours is not a lifetime arrangement....you both are not gona be seperated forever like this.Give time a chance....and wait.Perhaps this situation is just putting to test the depth of your relationship.Time and distance really dont matter when it comes to authentic and true love.Just wait...things could change in sometime...anything might change...perhaps your parents may agree to your idea...or you both can get back to the same place.Anything is possible.Times like this require a deep sense of optimism and increased patience.After all,you could meet him in the weekends.Be happy for that.One must not try to hurry up things like this and see everything is in place and is perfect.In the process,you may mess up things more.So,give time a chance and be optimistic and confident.You are old enough to give external factors a chance...and not throw up like a little kid!
Christen,in your case I would see only patience and optimism as the only healers.I wish you all the best!
171.
Name:Brandon Rahn
City:Lincoln
Sex :Male
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 10 2002 / 05:41:00
Brandon's Problem:
People make fun of me all the time. They call me
gay and fag everyday. My mom says they're jealous because I'm a
straight A student. I don't know. With all the stuff I go through.
I had a minor nervous breakdown in May. I almost killed my self
2. I just don't know. Please Help.
Hi Brandon,
Well,its very common that a bright and hardworking student becomes the but of every other nasty joke in the class.He or she would be called a bookworm with no brains..or something as stupid as that.Let me assure you Brandon,that at the bottom of their heart they really admire you and I bet they want to be like you.Given a chance they'd all want to be in your shoes!You can take my word for that.
Well,if they call you gay and fag...its just their way of dismissing your success....for no good reason.Its just that they're too lazy to earn their success,and that they take things too lightly.Brandon these are just your testing times...and it should only make you a stronger person.Have faith in yourself,keep up your hardwork...and one fine day the world will know what you are.Its not that you insulate yourself from the people in your school.You must learn to accept people around yourself...and slowly learn to forgive them.You must'nt get turned off by their words.Become more broadminded...do not let these things affect you.You cannot do it overnight,but a slow and steady change of attitude will take you through.Stick to your dreams and ambitions and be more focussed on them...you'll see how these problems diminish.
Be more tolerant,and be more confident.No matter what they call you,dont let those words affect your confidence and state of mind.The moment you gain self-confidence...by always having a positive attitude towards anything...you would slowly start liking the people around you.Be more warm and friendly even to the guy who has insulted you the most.See the wonders that happen.Never get that smile off your face....no matter what!Their arrogance and indifference would become slave to your tolerance and warmth and friendliness.Branden,I wish you good luck.
170.
Name:Mara
City:Dallas
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 09 2002 / 01:01:59
Mara's Problem:
i keep think about this boy.i know he will never like
me, but i can get him out of my mind. what do i do?
Hi Mara,
The only thing is you need to stop thinking that its a magic and he enters you head without your consent all the while.Well,you need to make adeliberate attempt tos top thinking of him.The next time you catch yourself thinking about him,just change your thinking.Engage yourself in hobbies,homework.And evrytime you find yourself thinkning of him,make an attempt to think of something else.YOU HAVE TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT...its not going to vanish one fine day just like that!You need to make a deliberate attempt to not think of him.Good Luck!
169.
Name:Jack
City:Bronx
Sex :Male
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 08 2002 / 04:47:46
Jack's Problem:
I don't know I should have sex or not. I can make
my own descisions somtimes . What should I do?
Hi Jack,
Ok,the following is what I would say about sex.
Sex is something which should be shared with the one you love.So its not wise to have sex with just anyone for the sake for having sex.Try to attach emotional strings to sex(Emotional doesnt mean only sadness and sorrow...it means happines and joy too!).It will surely make more sense.This would even make you have sex with only one person and be faithful and loyal.Sex will be more appreciated.Sex is not just another thing.Understand the specialness of the act.And make it special and see to it that you have sex with a loved one.First find a soulmate...well no hurry though.You may have other priorities now,other than finding a soulmate...well go ahead!Also with themyou might be aware of disease like AIDS and other STDs that go with sex.So know your limits and its upto you to make sex worthwhile.Its upto you how special you make it.No hurry,take your time.Good Luck!
168.
Name:Justine
City:Tecumseh
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 04 2002 / 00:00:02
Justine's Problem:
Hi..My name is Justine and I am fourteen years old.
My parents were divorced when I was four and it has been a major
part of my life. My dad was remarried when I was about six or seven
and I never got along with my new stepmother. Her and my father
had two boys together so in a way had created their own family.
I was only over there every other weekend and as I got older the
time I spent with my father began to decrease. The majority of the
time I was over there was when they went on trips. Throughout the
many years my stepmom and myself had many problems. I always felt
treated differently by her which now I understand is a normal feeling.
The weird part was that I felt different around my dad. I never
felt like he was my dad but maybe more so my uncle. In the past
few weeks things have gotten really horrible between my dad and
I. I wrote him a letter saying how I didn't feel as if he wanted
to spend time with me because he never returns my calls or invites
me over to spend time with him. I also said how I was mad at him
for not acting as my dad, only had he been my father and at this
point her wasn't my dad. I told him that I didn't want to see him
again and I didn't want to associate with him ever again. I understand
that this is rude and mean but it was exactly how I felt and I didn't
want to put a sugar coating on it for him. I then waited for him
to talk to me or call me or anything and it never happened. So I
called him to find out if he had received the letter and he had.
He just didn't agree with it so he had never called. I felt totally
rejected, he didn't even care that I was upset atleast not enough
to call me and try to work things out. I continued to tell him over
the phone how I felt and he laughed at my feelings he flat out laughed
at me. This hurt and forced me into tears which ended in me hanging
up on him. That was the last I've talked to him and its been about
two or three weeks now. What do I do and have I been doing the right things thus far?
Hi Justine,
I really can understand your emotions,I am sensitive to all that you have gone through.Well,one thing Justine....you should never ever treat any dialogue or a letter or a phone call as an ultimatum.One should never do such a thing especially with relationships and more so with a close one like your own dad.You must understand that you get what you give.This principle is more true with relationships of any sort.If you throw up with your dad,well its fine.But you should bother to mail him back or call him back to say you were sorry about what you did.You could do this in any form,but the meanng should be conveyed.The problem is with these "ulitimata".You should never say things like "I will never talk to you.....",or something meaning parallel to that.Because its impossible for us as human beings with a heart and head to do it.As an awful result,you would only be putting yourself into unwanted stress and difficulties.Self pity would creep in..and that is a real killer in terms of your sanity and happiness.So if you show affection,no matter what,you would get atleast a fraction of it back...definitely more than what you would get otherwise.
So,Justine,what you need to do is to become more accepting of situations.Dont worry about small things like your dad returning your call.Become more broad minded.Stop feeling that your secondary to your dad.Well,a lot of his actions may apparently seem to you that way,but you dont have to inerpret things that way.See things positively,after all you want peace and happiness.In the end,i would say that you only need to be more accepting of the situation.Stop comparing yours with other families.If you just begin to think,you will find atleast ten reasons why your family is better than someone else's.Learn to feel grateful for that.Show Love from your side,unconditionally,no matter what.This is the need of the hour.Believe me love is its own reward.You will find yourself more happier and content.You need to make a deliberate attempt and practice this everytime.Good Luck!
167.
Name:TDE87
City:Columbus
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 03 2002 / 04:08:10
TDE87's Problem:
Well it has been a year since me and the only boy
I loved have broken up. I miss him so much but its weird like one
day I dont care for him and the other day I do, and that goes on
back and for about me not caring for them and them I do. When im
done playing that little game with my self I just burst out into
tear reading my diary over and over and over again and looking at
his picture, holding his things at my house, and telling myself
how bad I messed up with him. I just get so angry. Im always hitting
myself say how I messed up. I now when I try to move on, it dont
work. I always compare boys to him. Everyone always tell me it
takes time. It almost been a year and im not over him yet, so time
aint doin nothing for me. I dont know what to do. All I can do
is cry and cry, and ask for him back and he says no and it makes
me cry more. I just want him and I dont know what to do.....
Hi TDE87,
See,if things cannot work out smoothly,its really not wise to force things to happen,especially a relationship.Theres no point cribbing about your present and saying to yourself hwo lucky you were in the past by holding his photos and reading your diary.Its not going to do any good.As a matter of sanity,you need to stop looking at the photos and reading your old pages in the diary,atleast till you are over him.If people say time is the healer,well,its true only if you give time a chance to heal.If you think of him everyday by associating material things that remind you of him,the time cannot do any good.So you have to help time do its job.Stop looking at things that remind you of him.Stop saying that you messed up the things.The thing is that this is not the last chance for you in your life.If you say..."...but he was the best!",then you are only putting a mental block,not giving yourself a chance,a new chance in life.Open up at accept the fact that there are peole around who can be better than him and that you can have a better relationship in future.Be optimistic.What have you got by worying and cribbing?Nothing at all!So why not give yourself a chance and move on.You WILL get a better chance in life.You have to recognize that chance,and for that you have to be optimistic and stop cribbing about the past.Accept the fact that certain things in life are better if you leave them.
Divert your attention by setting academic targets,pursue hobbies,learn some art,listen to music,read books and surf the net!Good Luck!
166.
Name:Lindsey
City:Springfield
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 31 2002 / 04:08:19
Lindsey's Problem:
I have this huge problem, ok here we go,.....
I am starting a new school right, which I should be use to because
I do alot, but the last three schools haven't gone so great? I mean
I don't understand, I'm nice to the ppl, I help them out, and it
backfires. I love basketball, so there are try-outs in my new school
august 12 and I am nervous about it, because I know nobody at try-outs.
So, I guess I really need your advise on whether to take basketball
or not, and whether I should be worried about fitting in.
Hi Lindsey,
I must appologise first for reaching you so late...due to unavoidable reasons.
And now its past August 12th.I really hope you took part in the try out.(Getting selected or not is not the question here!).I can talk in general though August 12th has gone when I am writing this to you!
New school means new people,new teachers,new everything.A new chance!First nderstand that you dont have to fear anyone for anything,just because you are new.You would be responded to based on how you respond to them.If you are friendly,warm and cheerful,you would get the same back.If you are accepting you would be accepted.Study well,and the teachers would like you.Dont hesitate to talk to people,take part in group activities.Have no reservations,have no complexes.Feel free and act normal.Love the people around you...dont get judgemental about anyone.You surely will be a popular friend in your class.Good Luck Lindsey.
165.
Name:Jordan
City:??
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 30 2002 / 23:24:12
Jordan's Problem:
Hi,i am so embarressed because i haven't "developed,"yet
and iam a late bloomer how can i feel beautiful?Thax
Hi Jordan,
You are 13 and not 30!You dont have to worry much.Developing is a very individual thing.Not a thing to compare.Each person has different body environments and constitutions.Dont hurry up things or feel frustrated.YOu are still in the growing stage..so be patient.Dont keep thinking of this and let it affect your confidence.Be confident and have no complexes about anything.Give time a chance.
164.
Name:Jordan
City:LA
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 30 2002 / 23:00:38
Jordan's Problem:
How do I stop being shy towards boys?
Hi Jordan,
Overcoming shyness with the opposite sex has only one solution.Just talk to them..throw yourself in the arena deliberately.Talk to guys.It will be uncomfortable for sometime.Then you will slowly gain confidence and you would stop feeling shy.But you need to make that first move.Feel normal and talk.Have no fear of being judged.Let me tell you that guys are equally shy sometimes and they are sailing in your boat.Giving yourselves opportunities is the key.Good luck!
163.
Name:Dina
City:Fenwick Island
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 29 2002 / 19:47:22
Dina's Problem:
Hey! I like your web site it's so cool! Anyway, I
have had a crush on this guy named Jacob for 2 years & I started
going out with him last week. BUt about a month ago I started going
out with another guy named Shawn. But i like Jacob More. I dont
wanna hurt shawn's feelings. If i break up with Shawn it'll hurt
his feelings. Should i not say any thing or not? I am going crazy help me!
Hi Dina,
Thanks Dina..thanks.I am filled with gratitude that you find my website good.You live in an island...Vow,that sounds very exciting!
Well,you still are too young.As I always say ages like 12 or 13 are too young for one to decide relationships..becuase its hard to comprehend things.More often than not one would be left confused like this.
So,its good that you really dont make any serious moves.You need to first understand what you feel for each of these guys.At the moment I feel you are confused between a deep friendship and love.You obviously know that you cant "love" two people at a time.So if you think you are in a state of "cant decide"...its better that you put these major decisions to a later date in life.You can be a good friend to both of them.Stop thinking of a relationship..its just too early.You have enough time left.So dont burden yourself now....it will be much easier when you are a little older...when you have more definitive feelings and when you clearly know what you want.Good Luck!
162.
Name:Sarah
City:Sydney
Sex :Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 29 2002 / 07:50:20
Sarah's Problem:
Hi how are you?...ok well first of all i just want
to say that i think what you are doing is excellent.. i mean helping
people the way you are god bless you..!!
I'm a twenty year old female who is of turkish background. For the
past 5 years of my life i have been trying to sort out some mixed
emotions regarding my sexuality...It's come to a point where i can't
sleep because i feel so confused about everything. when i was younger
i was always regarded a tomboy...i would always play with boys and
most of my child hood friends were all boys..and till a certain
age i was always considered one of the guys...as the years went
by i started feeling uncomfortable about being referred to as a
tomboy and i tried to change myself so i would fit in to be more
"girly" and have changed a great deal...however in the last couple
of years of my life i have developed very strong feelings for a
few females... emotions that are so confusing that i can't define
them...the thing that is confusing me is I have also had very strong
feelings for males but in the last 2-3 years i kept falling in love
with females...this is really hard to expalin but right now i'm
afraid i'm in love with a woman who is a few years older than me...i
can't stop thinking about her and i literally feel love sick...i
know this person is straight so i know she wouldn't be interested..but
the problem is i'm so afraid of these feelings because i keep asking
myself "are the feelings i have for this woman feelings of admiration
or is it deeper than that and if so does this make me a lesbian
or does it make me a bisexual...? these thought are killing me and
my heart is aching because i can't talked to anyone about it...because
i know people will judge me...
i'm sorry this is all a bit confusing i know but it just reflects
what going on in my heart..i realy need some advice as to how i sort everything out...
it's fine if you can't help me but thanks for providing some kind
of outlet for people... keep it up
hope to hear from you soon
kind regards
sarah
Hi Sarah,
I want to first thank you for those encouraging wishes and warm words.Really will take me a long way.Thanks a lot...thank you!
Well,I would only say that your case needs a lot of introspection and patience.Dont jump to conclusions.Seeking medical help would be a good idea.I can only say this much....I really dont have much ideas.On a general basis I can ask you to be confident with whatever you do.
Dont get negative thoughts and feelings of inferiority or anyother such feelings creep into your head.Be confident and strong.Its good if you talk to somebody in person.It will surely ease you.Dont let the fear of being judged to govern your acts so much that you even hesitate to seek personal help.There is no harm in taking a close friend into confidence...or even taking medical or psychological help.Dont think of this all the while.Engage yourself with other activities.Things will be fine.My best wishes to you.Do write back!
161.
Name:Kellie
City:Georgia
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 28 2002 / 20:13:51
Kellie's Problem:
Hi, it's me...AGAIN!!:) For the past year or so, I've
started to drift away from God and start questioning some things
about my religion, Christianity. I got baptized three years ago,
almost four, and lately I've drawn away from God even farther. I
used to be REALLY involved with the youth group at my church, but
lately I just don't care about that stuff anymore. I only go to
church on Sundays now, and haven't been to a youth group function
in about a month, and don't plan too anytime soon. I know that I
don't need to be drifting away from God since I'm baptized, because
that sets a bad example for the people who AREN'T baptized. But
I'm just not the same person I used to be, and I just don't enjoy
going to Christian functions anymore. How do I regain my relationship
with Him so that I can be a better witness? Thanks for the advice!!!
Hi Kellie,
I am so glad to see you again!But sad that you have a problem.Hmmmmm...a paradoxical situation!But am happy that it really isnt a problem!Ok thats enough of confusion..haha!
Well,you only need to sit and think for yourself....but be very honest to yourself in the process.Sit and think.Whats drawing you away from God?I can think of 2 reasons that may be acting subconsciously for you...drawing you away from HIM.
1.Did you pray for something and it did not come true?..and you are angry with God now and have subconsciously lost most of your faith?
2.Did you do something that you regret or are you feeling guilty having done something wrong...and so are afraid to confront God now?
Just think...did you find any other reason other than the above two?The above two are the most common reasons I can think of.If you can find anything more specific to your case..well try solving it...with the undercurrent running in your head that...."God loves you no matter what and he forgives all your mistakes"
As far as the 2 reasons I have stated....you can overcome them...becuase:
"God's delays are not God's denials"...I just quoted Rev.Robert Schuller.YES.So you dont have to be angry with God if your wishes did not come true.Believe me,God has something better in store for you!YOur prayers would never go unanswered!And God forgives you,no matter what.HE is the source of unconditional love in this world and universe.Dont fear HIM.
So,no matter what,you must understand these facts and start doing your services and attend youth functions.Loving GOD is to love yourself.Fearing God is fearing your own conscience.So its upto you to find peace.Good Luck!
160.
Name:Titita
City:Pasadena
Sex :Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 27 2002 / 04:40:59
Titita's Problem:
this started two years ago. i was dating my boyfriend
we had been going out for a while. Oe day he came to my house and
told me that when he picked up his brother after school at his high
school he was also giving rides to a girl. he said that she was
just a friend and that he didn't want me to worry or feel upset
because she was only a friend. well this wen ton for a while until
i finally confrontrd him and told him i didnt like it. I also told
him that i was upset because he never told me that she had been
his girlfriend before me. he said he didn't say anything because
she was only a friend the. well he said he would stop giving her
rides and denied that anyhting else went on. the things is that
i can't forget about that and i wonder i f he felt anyhting for
her or if something went on. i love him and that is the only problem
we have ever had but i don't know waht to do. i think he should
of known it wasn't ok or normal for him to give his ex girl rides
specially when she would ride in the front with him and everyone at my scholl saw them plz help
Hi Titita,
You need to make it clear that you dont like him giving his ex-girlfriend rides.If you have already told him,well make it more clear.And if he insists that theres nothing between them,you only need to trust him.Ask him to be more frank.You need to stop brooding over his past,and as long as he is loyal now,its fine.Stop thinking of his past.If you still see that things arent working out and that he's hiding a lot and that you have definite clues about it,just talk to him again.If things dont work still,its not wise pursuing this relationship.Good Luck.
159.
Name:Jessica
City:Tucson
Sex :Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 26 2002 / 18:21:17
Jessica's Problem:
I am a 22 year old female that has just very recently,
4 days ago, got out of a 2 year relationship. Our relationship
has been bumpy from the get go but we always seemed to love eachother
no matter what happened. Recently he has been changing his mind
everyday, one day he loves me the next he doesn't! I asked him
why he was treating me so badly and he reponded by telling me that
he has been trying to get rid of me but I just won't go. He has
always had trouble sharing his feelings and is easily influenced
by bad people. I am the only consistant thing he has ever had and
the only person that has truley loved him for who he is. Today
is only day 4 that we have not spoken and it is killing me. I miss
him and love him so much. What do I do? Does he really not love
me anymore? Will things ever be good again? I want to get out
of bed in the moring and not want to cry!! Please help!!!!
Hi Jessica,
Hmmmm...you are 22.I really cant advice you..rather dont want to advice you.I have a principle not to advice people elder to me.I am 21!Well,I would surely want to share my views with you,as a friend!
The only thing thats missing between you both is communication.You really need to talk..with your heads and hearts open.See what compromises you can make for each other.And be sure that the compromises dont swallow you or are emotionally very demanding.Because,once it is very demanding...things may not run fine for a long time.So,be sure of the compromises you may make and see if you can get back together.Become more broad minded,to forgive each other's faults.
But all these things cannot guarentee you a peaceful relationship.If you still think somehow things are not working out,you need to let go of the relationship,as a last resort.Stop cribbing and repenting.Accept the fact and learn to live with it.Move on.Be optimistic and carry on.The last thing you need to do something like to put yourself in a situation of "hate to love him".So think well and take time.Good Luck!
158.
Name:Kye
City:Devore,CA
Sex :Male
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 24 2002 / 06:05:50
Kye's Problem:
My dad's, friend's, daughter is really cute, but is
only 10 yrs. old. She told me she used to like, but says not anymore.
I was wondering how to get her to like me again, and also, if she
likes me again, how to get other people to not think I'm weird,
after all she is 10 and I'm 12.
P.S. Age shouldn't matter, right?
Hi Kye,
Exactly..."after all shes 10 and you are 12".Thats the whole point.You know what?Its really too early to expect a smooth sailing relationship like how the adults have(even with adults,not often though..haha!).At this age both of you dont really have enough sense and experience to realize a successful relationship.I am not discouraging you....in fact it applies to any other 10 and 12 year olds too!So Kye,just be patient...be firendly and nice to her.Dont force a "relationship" between the two of you!Wait a while and things may work out later.Good Luck!
157.
Name:Kye
City:Ranco Cucamonga,CA
Sex :Male
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 24 2002 / 05:28:45
Kye's Problem:
I've know this extremely cute girl since the 4th grade,
now I'm in the 7th grade, But I told her once, but all she did,
maybe because she was in front of her friend, smiled and called
me weird. 3 or 4 of her friends told me she likes me, but I am not
sure what to do. Do you have any advice?
Hi Kye,
Just wait.Dont just hurry up things....you may just end up losing her.So act slow and steady.Theres a lot of time.So dont really have to worry.Dont constantly pester her and ask her if she likes you or not.Just be a good friend.Good Luck!
156.
Name:Sam
City:Las Vegas
Sex :Male
Age :11
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 24 2002 / 04:02:38
Sam's Problem:
I really like this girl and she says she likes me
too. But she doesnt really act like it. She flirts with every boy she knows. What do I do?
Hi Sam,
You dont have to do anything.Stop cracking your head.Just talk to her and have fun.Well,11 is not really an age to propose to her.So just be normal and talk to her and be a good friend.May be a few years later you can really express your feelings....if you still feel the same way.Good Luck!
155.
Name:Jenna
City:Wales
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 23 2002 / 21:52:47
Jenna's Problem:
i have a phobia of school ever since i went up my high school.
and now i am thinking of moving schools to get a new start but dont
know if this will help or i will get the same problum there as i do in my current school
what do u think
Hi Jenna,
Well,I really did not get the depth of the word "phobia" in your context.If everything really turns you off and scares you for no good reason,its good to consult a psychiatrist,speak to your parents and take medical help.
Anyway,I can generally say this...
First sit down and think for yourself.What is putting you off...then think what are the reasons for what is causing the phobia.Then think of a solution..think how big a problem is it?What is the worst possible consequence?By thinking in these lines you can put the problem in the right perspective.By this you will know what is worrying you and perhaps it will be come more easier to find a solution to it.A lot of time,we dont even stop to think what our worry is...but we constantly keep worrying and feel uncomfortable without even consciously knowing what is the matter.So Jenna,you must first sit down and think for yourself about what exactly is worrying you.Generally,for a school student it could be studies and teachers.To overcome fear of this,theres only way.Stop being lazy and becoem more hardworking.So your results at school are better and your fears for the subject and the teachers are gone.
Well,I have talked on a general basis.I dont know what exactly is your fear.A school change would not be absolutely necessary though...but again I dont know whats worrying you...and so I cant be sure.All I can say is,be more confident and speak to your elders when required.Good Luck!
154.
Name:Jay Walker
City:Raleigh
Sex :Male
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 23 2002 / 02:38:59
Jay Walker's Problem:
My girlfriend is very athletic person. When we're
done doing all the sports that she like, she wants to make me think
of something to do. Now mind you, I'm also athletic too but I need
advice to think of when me and her are together and so she'll think I'm not boring.
Hi Jay Walker,
Its nice that both of you have similar liking for athletics and sports.Perhaps when you are done with all the sports for the day,you can sit down and talk.Its not necessary that you have to think of only athletic things to do,unless she insists.And if you are tired,dont hesitate to say it to her once in a while.Because,if you go on a pleasing spree..you are only gona get frustrated one fine day and "go mad at her".
So,you can go for a walk...talk something,eat,play some indoor games,read books...talk of your academic and professional plans for the future...You really can do a lot of things!As your relationship grows you will soon know what are her likes and dislikes and she would also know your likes and dislikes...there will be a better understanding..and things will be smoother.Good Luck!
153.
Name:Reina
City:oklahoma city
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 22 2002 / 08:09:09
Reina's Problem:
I am hated at school. I only have 2 friends and they
live out of state. I tried talking to my parents about moving or
homeschooling me and they just got mad and now my mom has kind of
made a little joke about it to her friends. They also think im exaggerating.
They wont listen to me anymore and just get mad whenever i try to
bring it up. I dont know what to do now but i know i cant go back
to the school i go to or else i will be miserable. what should i do??
Hi Reina,
The only way you can be loved is to love.In short,Reina...you just get what you give the world.Let me tell you this is not a problem with the school or with the people in it.The problem is with you!...AAAaah dont throw up.Be calm and read ahead.
Reina,a school change will not help the situation.You need to change your attitude.Well,you cant be blamed for that.Its just that you need to learn how to deal with people,just like how you learnt to write and read and use the knife and fork!Believe me its not your fault....and its not going to be this way forever.Things will definitely become better.You will be happy in the very same school...this new acadmic year onwards.You need to do small things that would make you more loveable..and that would make you more popular.
The first thing is to be warm and kind to even the person who makes the nastiest joke of you.Did you get that?After all you are not losing anything.Take it in your stride.Learn to accept people as they are.Respect them genuinely.Learn to forgive...the most important thing!Make a deliberate attempt to not hurt anyone.Be helpful,accomodative and warm.Stop seeing them as your enemies.Vow to make them your friends.Let go of your ego a little bit.Take critcism with a smile.Dont argue.In fact try to see some truth in what someone says about you.Trust people.If someone hurts you,then just let them know that you were hurt in a very polite manner.Say it with a smile.Believe me they will never want to hurt you ever again.Let me tell you,the calssmates around you are no way better than you,rather you are in no way better or lesser than them.All of you have the same weaknesses and strengths.So Reina,be more understanding,tolerant,and never get that smile off your face!Take part in all the group works.Dont isolate yourself to just two friends.But remember not to make it so obvious to throw yourself on others with artificial kindness and warmth.Just be normal...and never miss an opportunity where you can show your better side.I am telling all this because the fact is that a school change will not help!Good Luck Reina,and write to me how many new friends you have made!
152.
Name:CiCi
City:Cincinnatti
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 21 2002 / 07:07:14
CiCi's Problem:
Hey. I have a very long story to tell, but I'm absolutely
out of ideas.Here goes- I met a guy who is 17 and I'm 15. We dated
for about a month. For the first few weeks he treated me great.I
was on cloud nine.I really liked him a lot. He was gorgeous, talkative,
funny- everything I ever wanted.The problem was- a lot of people
told me a lot of things about him. They said he was a jerk, he was
still sleeping with his ex girlfriend- etc.etc.etc. He told me a
lot of ppl at our school didn't like him, and would like to screw
him over.He told me they weren't true. Then one day I heard the
rumor about him cheatin on me with his ex g/f. So I just got so
sick of the dramatic rumorz, and I broke it off w/o his consent
bcuz he wouldn't call me back & he avoided me that day at school.
The next day I found out he kissed his ex, and one of his friends
while he was drunk. I was heartbroken. He called me and tried to
talk to me about things- and we just ended up fighting. Then he
started dating his ex a few months later. I was still not over him.
We would talk once in awhile and then fight, and then not talk.
Then finally he admitted he lied to me months later- and promised
he had grown up- and wouldnt ever do it again. So I started to fall
for him again- but something inside of me told me that he was gonna
hurt me. Then I would start going on about how i didnt trust him,
and everything- and I wouldn't talk to him for a few days. He always
tried talking to me when I avoided him, but I wouldn't let him.
Of course we started talking again, and he told one of my friends
he really missed me, and that when him and his girlfriend fight,
he doesnt care. when me and him fight- it hurts. So I approached
him- and he said it was all true. He said he and his girlfriends
relationship was failing. So I kinda jumped to conclusions and automatically
thought we were gonna get back 2gether. I dont kno if he was thinking
of that or not- but anyway- I decided to tell him that I didnt trust
him, and I had made my decision. I wanted to stop talking to him. None of this
was true- I wanted to trust him so bad, and I wanted to talk to him- but
I have no idea what I should do. My heart tells me I need to go after
him, my brain tells me that I'm confused. Please help me. I really appreciate
your time! Thankyou
Hi CiCi,
Well,when you cant be true to your own feelings how can you expect him to be true to you with his feelings?Let me explain...
You say that you told him that you did not trust him and did not want to talk to him.But all the while you wanted to "trust him so bad".Then why did you speak the opposite?Why didnt you honour your own feelings?Why did you cheat yourself?CiCi,theres one universal rule....Love breeds love,and its the same with even the opposite kind of feelings..distrust,anger,etc.CiCi,you ony need to be a little more frank....tell him that you really like him,and want to trust him.Get things cleared regarding his ex-girlfriend.You need to talk it out calmly.Ask him what is in his mind...and tell him that you cant be hurt again.Have an open and frank talk with him.I am sure he'll appreciate it too.Stop listening too much to people around and stop acting upon their words blindly.Its your life and you know whats best!If you think he is still not sure of what he wants,its wise not to go after him anymore...just save yourselves from future heartbreaks and unwanted drama!You will certainly get a better guy...after all your still only 15 years old!In a nutshell,I would ask you to stop thinking aout this guy,who seems to be still immature about what he wants in life and still not ready to make decisions in life.But since you still have feelings for him,you can just give a last try...only an open and frank talk can save you from future wrath.Good Luck!
151.
Name:Emily
City:-------------
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 20 2002 / 00:18:47
Emily's Problem:
Everybody that I know has a boyfriend exept for me!
I want one! but I don't know how to get one! how
Hi Emily,
You must be a little patient.Just wait.You need a boyfriend just because everyone has one?Well,not a good enough reason to need one!Dont hurry up.You will get one.At this age it is really confusing to define properly your tastes and likes and dislikes.As you grow a little older,when you have definite ideas...it will be relatively more easier to get a boyfriend and to sustain an everlasting union.So,you need not hurry up now.Well,sometimes you may feel out of place when everyone else has one and you dont!But you never know how many of those relationships are going to last forever.So at the moment you only need to conentrate on various other interesting things around you.And when the time arrives you will get a boyfriend.Stop thinking about this need.Good Luck!
150.
Name:ASHLEY
City:ROANOKE
Sex :Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 17 2002 / 21:55:46
ASHLEY's Problem:
This is a terrible, long, and confusing problem. It
started when I was 15. I met this guy through one of my friends.
But he was black and I'm white.(My parents didn't approve) But we
decided to date anyway. We dated for a year and a half. We had alot
of problems, and I know he cheated on me repeatedly but I could
never prove it. But I was deeply in love with him and he made me
laugh like no one else could. Then he broke up with me and moved
in with another girl,"Mary" immediately after. He broke my heart
completely. I did some outrageous things afterward, like going to
her house and getting the cops called on me for disturbing the peace
and stalking, but all I wanted to do was talk and find out why he
didn't love me like he said he did. Well after about a month when
I was trying get on with my life, he calls and wants to apologize.
Fine, whatever right? But he continues to call all of the time and
eventually, since I still loved him, we became friends again. He
broke up with the Mary and moved back home. We hung out all of the
time and talked about everything. After a few months, he started
trying to get back together with Mary and ended up getting her pregnant.
They decided not to get back together, but still have the baby.
He told me upfront about all of this, but said he still wanted us
to be friends. Through the next couple of months, I helped him out
with alot of things and I was always there for him when ever he
needed me. We were very close, maybe to close, because we did have
sex all of the time, which is a big no-no but sometimes things happen.
He would tell me he loved me constantly and he wanted to move in
with me. I always refused his offers and refused to believe that
he loved me.When he said I love you I would say I hate you. After
I graduated I went to the beach for beach week, he called me constantly
while I was gone, left messages telling me he missed me and he wished
I would believe that he loved me because he honestly and truley
did. When I came back, Mary ended up having her baby
three months early and he told me that they decided to get married,
because they had gotten very close and he realized how much he loved
her.He also said he knew I had been there and I was the one that
helped him through everything, when she pushed him away and treated
him badly, but she said she was sorry and they should work things
out. He said we could still be friends, but that he wouldn't tell
her about it, he never told her we hung out in the first place,
and I told him that we couldn't because marraige is about trust
and honesty and he couldn't go behind her back and do that. He didn't
have a good family life and his dad was never there for him, so
he said he wanted to be there for his child, which I understand.
They got married seven days later and there's nothing I can really
do about the situation, but I can't get this out of my head. I know
that he used me the entire time and from past experiences I can
believe that he's in love with her, but for some reason I keep thinking
that this isn't right! I just can't believe that he's gone, that
I can't go to his house anymore and we can't talk on the phone anymore.
All that time we spent together meant nothing. I just want to know
if he married her because he's in love with her, or if he did it
for the baby. Also, I want to know if the marraige is likely to
last? (He dosen't have a good relationship record, his longest was
with me)This is making me crazy and I know I should move on and
I should accept that he just used and manipulated me, but I can't.
I love this guy and I have gone through alot to be there for him
and have nothing to show for it. My friends say to forget him and
I could find someone better, but he knew me inside and out and I
just wish it could go back to the way it was before. Please help!!Sorry
this was so long but I could talk about this forever.
Hi ASHLEY,
In a nutshell I would say stop thinking about this guy the way you are right now!Well,he's now married and you only need to let him be happy in his own way.You should have thought of all this before...i.e,when he kept on switching between you and the other girl.At last he has stabilized.So its not really wise to go and disturb him now.And its really very selfish to wish for his marriage to break.How can you ask if his marriage will last?Thats just being very selfish.And you cannot say he used you and manipulated you..thats just adding oil to the fire.Because this is not true.He never manipulated or used you.You had an equal say in whatever happened....you were equally responsible for the relationship you had.By saying that he used you,you are just doing self-pity..and perhaps "justifying" that you are more deserving.But its only adding to your misery.Things cannot possibly turn towards you with respect to this guy.So stop thinking about having him back.Stop thinking that nobody can be as understaning as him....and that nobody else can know you inside and out.Its only a matter of time and you need to let people into your life.Its all in your hands.Stop having plans about this guy.Stop saying you missed a chance.Stop filling your head with these negative thoughts.Get back..and stop cribbing.You need to move on.You will certainly find another guy,who's perhaps more understaning than this guy!STOP WISHING THAT HIS MARRIAGE SHOULD BREAK AND HE COMES BACK TO YOU.Believe me..even if such a thing hapens...it can never be the same "good old time" that you once had.His life will be miserable..and in turn yours and the other girl's and the kid's!So Ashley act sane and be good.Move On!Good Luck!
149.
Name:Alexandria
City:Modesto
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 17 2002 / 06:16:09
Alexandria's Problem:
now my problem is that I just moved in with my dad
and his wife. I left my mom went to another school and practically
started over. Well while doing this me and my mom's relationship
grew apart. My dad is taking my mom to court for custody of me.
and my mom said if he did do that she would not want anything to
do with me or with my dad. My sister hates me even more and i'm
very sure my mom does crack. I'm scared for my sister and her enviorment.My
mom won't listen to me any more and my dad is always working. everything
at my new school is doing good..I think anyways and I made friends.
But I still don't know what to do with my mom and my sister. I love
them both but it doesn't seem they love me. I just called my mom
and all she did was fight with me then hung up. I don't understand.
the she says that the only reason my dad wants custody of me is
cause of the child support. But i don't believe it my dad told me
that the child support was just for me and only me.. for clothes
and ect....My mom never did these things. Now my head is all confused
and I feel like I'm in a living nightmare, and on top of all that
I know that I am fat and i need to lose weight but don't know how.
Please help me I need your advice. Thank you
Hi Alexandria,
I am happy that you are happy with your new school and have made new friends and are ok.Thats really very nice.Keep it up!Alexandria,about you living with your dad,I guess from what you have said,you dont have any problems as such with your dad.Ofcourse he's working all the time,...perhaps you can really sit down and talk to him to spend more time with you...go for movies once in a while..etc.And perhaps its not going to be like this always...so just bear wth him for a little while.And about your mom and sister...they do love you...you can take my word for it.Its only that they are showing their anger on your dad to you...ofcourse not a good thing to do.Regarding this,you really have to wait...as it involves legal procedures,and you may not know what exactly may turn up.So you cant really get things in your way....may be thnings can better.You may get a chance to see your mom and sister periodically.Some point of time we all face such problems in life.So Alexandria,you need to be strong and optimistic.Certain things in life are better if you leave them alone.You need to thank your stars,that you atleast have your dad by your side!Remember.."Tough times never last,but tough people do!"
Your weight is not a thing to worry.You only need to be more disciplined with your eating habits.Make a commitment,set small incremental targets that you can easily and progressively acheive.By target I mean the amount of weight you hope to lose ina given time.Stop eating between meals.Regular excercise,and jogging can do the work for you.Do not starve though
Good Luck Alexandria.
148.
Name:Rashaad
City:Garfield
Sex :Male
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 16 2002 / 01:41:28
Rashaad's Problem:
How do i get a girlfriend
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 16 2002 / 01:41:28
I ask a girl out and she said know but i still like
Hi Rashaad,
Rashaad,all of us need girlfriends!Its only time that will answer.Be patient and stop being so worried that you dont have one..if at all you are.Stop feeling bad about not having one.Things will be fine.Be optimistic and you will get the girl made for you!Dont hurry up this issue...becuase when you hurry up you will make a mistake and this is not a matter where you make a mistake.Be cool and think positively.Be confident!Dont get upset if your friend has a girlfriend and you dont have one.As I said its just a matter of time..and you will be happy in the end.
Well,as far as "tips"...dont ever force yourself on someone.Be yourself and be humble.Have a genuinely friendly attitude.Be honest.
Good Luck!
147.
Name:Confused
City:Douglasville
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 15 2002 / 01:55:57
Confused's Problem:
I have a friend and we are like sisters. And the last
time i saw her was on the 4th of july..i took her to the lake with
me to swim and whatch the fireworks. We had fun and did not argue
or fight at all!! Then I said that I would call her later. And I
did and I e-mailed her and I IMed her. We did not argue, and I
did nothing to make her mad at all. Then the next day (the 6th)
I instant messaged her and she ignored me. she was always making
excuses to leave when I called. So..i am so confused..what shall
I do? Im too afraid of getting her mad by asking her what is wrong(i
already did that and she just continued to be mad)
please help me!
From,
~confused~
Hi Confused,
Well,I hope this reaches you in time..I really hope so.
You need to talk to your friend..theres no other way out.Think if you might have knowingly or unknowingly hurt her in anyway.IF she has a problem,with her family...make yourself easy for her to pour it out to you.Be kind and patient.She might yell at you..but you cant afford to do it.You need to sit by her and talk it out.Be polite and be your best.Genuinely help her out if she has a poblem thats making her react to you in the way she is doing now.The fact that shes reacting rudely or badly to you doesnt imply that shes angry with YOU..we as human beings..tend to yell at everyone around when we are not in a "good mood".So,talking is the only solution.Be brave..and be warm.Things will be better.Good Luck!
146.
Name:Elizabeth
City:Temecula
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 14 2002 / 06:45:32
Elizabeth's Problem:
I was a freshman in high school when it all started.
I followed my sister into the Drama Club at our high school, where
I met this very interesting guy. He made me laugh and made me smile.
He was the first person that I ever loved. His name is Steve.
I first started flirting with this boy but before I go on I have
a couple things you need to know he’s 3 years older then me, has
liked my sister for the past two years and is the biggest flirt
I know. But now I will continue he and I flirted for about a month
we kissed we had fun at the movies. I felt that he was a guy I
could marry. But then one day after a drama performance he comes
to me and starts talking like he would any other day and asks me
to be his date for the drama banquet that we were having as a club.
I of course said yes like he expected me not too!! But when we
got there he wasn’t paying that much attention to me. I blew it
off because he has been tripping off his step dad anyways. Well
that night ended and he kissed me good night and I said good bye
and he looked at me and said he was sorry and I asked him for what
and he didn’t answer me, he just walked away. I was all whatever
and it bugged me the rest of the night. The day was Saturday; we
had another drama performance that night, so I told myself talk
to him later. I got there I dressed all pretty because our play
is plotted in a party and I usually get ready there but I wanted
him to notice me when I walked in but he didn’t he just glanced
and turned away. I was pissed by then. I was like what the heck
I need to talk to him and he wont even look at me for 5 seconds.
So I walk over there and am like we need to talk now!! I finally
took control which I should have done along time ago but never did.
He comes outside with me and says I like your sister. I was like
you jackass get the hell away form me now. He held on to me so
I could walk away but I smacked him and ran to the ladies room.
He comes in about 3 minutes later and finds me crying with three of my friends
around me. He asks them to leave and before any of them get up
I get up and walk out. I knew I had to perform no madder if I liked
it or not. Steve pulls me and says don’t walk away form me. I
said no I wouldn’t do that to somebody I cared enough about to love.
He looks at me like you love me? I was you are a jack ass!! And
I run away. I have showed him affection for three months now and
he’s like you love me? I find so much wrong with that. So I pull
myself together and go up on stage in front of tons of people and
perform. I felt really bad that I let a boy ruin my performance.
Those people paid for a show not for me to cry in front of them.
But after the play we o to In and Out. I hate that fast food place
I didn’t want to go there and that fact that I did just ruined everything.
Later that night he comes up to me and says I hurt you and I am
sorry but I am going to ask out your sister and I want you to tell
me its okay before I do. I tell him that if he doesn’t get the
hell away form me I going to kick him some where and make it impossible
to make babies. So he leaves. I wanted him so bad. I wanted to
be able to be his girl friend because we were never “going out.”
I find it great how guys know where it hurts the most. But Steve
and my sister end up going out for three months. The entire time
they are going out he is writing me letters, poems, e-mails, and
giving me gifts. Being the flirt I am I Flirted with him wrote
him e-mail back. I was stupid and fell for anther one of his tricks.
But finally I told my sister. I gave her the proof of the letters
and e-mails and she broke up with him. He came to me and I finally
told him to go f--- himself. I finally did what I should have done
6 months ago. But I find my self in love still. I find myself
loving him no madder what I do. I wrote him a letter:
Steve…
I always heard that name and used to smile, now I hear it and think
of how much crap I’ve been through because of you, how you changed
me to be the person I am today, and hearing that name makes me wonder
how many more guys maybe even the man I marry will end up to be
just like you. I want to come out and say this and what I am about
to tell you, you might never have realized....I loved you…I truly
and honestly loved you and when I look back on it I think of how
someone you love can just break your heart and make you cry so many
tears. I owe so much to you though, even though you don’t deserve
any thing from me I want to say thank you for making me become a
better person, even if I did go through the experiences the hard
way. You are such a great human being, you have so much going for
you and when you came up to me that night after the Rumor’s drama
performance and said that you were sorry for ever hurting me, that
was the night I stopped hating you. I shouldn’t have hating you
and I felt the only reason I did was because that was the way I
was going to move on and get over you. But after you said that
you were sorry I thought of you as a bigger person and I had much
more respect for you. When I see you at school I do give you dirty
looks and it’s not so much that they help the situation but they
show my emotion and how feel inside. I don’t want you to graduate
thinking that I hate you because I don’t. How could I hate somebody
I once loved? You wrote in your email you want an “understanding”
between you and I well I feel that the only “understanding” I can
give forward is to let you know I don’t hate you and I guess that
is the only thing I know for fact, for the time being. I only want
you to understand that I can never look nor feel the same about
you. You hurt me and you and I both have to live with that. Love
wouldn’t be called love if it was easy to explain or even understand.
I know how I felt about you and when you “played” me I was hurt
and heart broken. I hope to never put myself in a situation like
the one I was in because I almost didn’t last through that. But
when you graduate be thinking of one thing while you
are up there receiving you diploma…be thinking there is a woman
out there better then the brown sisters, better then Kristen or
Nicole and be thinking that when the time comes I will meet her
and I will have the time of my life. And know that woman is lucky
to have such a wonderful person like you. I don’t want to give
you this letter and regret saying or not saying anything so take
to heart what I am saying and enjoy your life without me because
ever since I stepped in your life it has gone crazy. Just know
I loved you and know that I will never forget you my first love.
Your friend forever,
Elizabeth Brown
After that he continued to call but whatever. I still lov him today.
That happened forever ago and i still love him. I went out with
his best friend too!! He was the guy that went on vac. and came
back with a girl friend. I find myself only liking Andrew(Steves
Best freisnd) becuase he reminds of Steve. I dont know i dont understand
why!! why is it me and why is now!! i am only 15 and i dont have
any answers. I really want somebody to explain!! If you cant help
its otay at least i wrote it all down to get it out of my head!! thanks!!
Hi Elizabeth,
I see the confusion in your head....
Theres no point in still loving the guy..and forcing yourself to stay away from him....It doesnt make sense that you pour your heart out to him saying how much you love him...and later say you dont want him anymore in your life although you still love him.What are you trying to do here now?You are not only torturing yourself..but even confusing him..and kicking up wrath between the tow of you.
And just because he came up to you and said sorry....it doesnt mean he's in love with you or that hes worth your love...He could have just meant it as a friend....becuase all the while its only you who has been building castles in the air...no matter what "signals" he gave!For all you know he may be still in love with your sister as much as you liked him...so there doesnt seem to be a bond here..in a mutual sense.But still,I'd want you to do the following.
Elizabeth,first you need to think...what are you more inclined towards...at the moment?
Remember you cant work things out like in a two-way lane..it has to be only in one direction!
Its only 2 options...you want him or dont want him...If you want him...just go ahead..if you dont want him....for whatever reason,just stop thinking about him...and stop telling him "I like you but dont want you".And stop wirting to him poetic mails and movie style letters....life needs to be dealt with a pinch of logic apart from romanticism...and poetism.So sit down and first think what you want.Remember to be honest with yourself...even if theres a slightest inclination towards the opposite of what you decide...reconsider your decision...think a lot!
If you really cant decide what you want,its better not to think of him,well at age 15..it really is very hard to make a decision for getting the man you want to marry...Give time a chance...and things will work out in a more concrete way in future...For the moment,just relieve yourself of this burden of finding a guy you want to marry..it will surely happen in the future,when you are better equipped mentally to decide,what you want and when you know how much weightage to give to what,while making a decision.
And I would say stop going around with Steve's best friend...All the while you think of Steve when you are with Andrews...dont you think thats really sad for Andrews?...And that would confuse you more and really ruin your peace.
Ok..so you have to sit and think of your priorities...and know what you want...theres no two way of doing things!Good Luck Elizabeth!
