Solutions Archive No.4

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Solutions Archive #4

This is the Solutions Archive No.4.Here you would find solutions to previously posted problems.(Poblems 314 to 450).
The solutions are according to the date of posting of the problem....recent ones first,older ones later.The solutions will be here forever...atleast till I run out of space.This will help visitors having a similar problem to find a solution. If you need to Post Your Problem Click Here.If you,the visitor,need the contact mail id of any of the persons below,you can mail me.....I shall furnish the same to you at the earliest with the concerned person's consent.

Click Here To Go To The Main Solutions Page

450.

Name: Kaitlin D
City:West Jordan
Sex : Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Dec 03 2003 / 07:47:39
Kaitlin's Problem:
My mom is very stricked when it comes to grades. She's is one of those moms that get made if you have a B. Well, my problem is worse than just a B, it's an F in my honors language arts class. I've never had an F, and I don't want it to be on my end of quarter grades(which is in about 5 weeks!). I'm really stuggling with grammer. All my grammer assignments and guizes are F's. I'm trying my hardest to do well in this class. I do extra credit and stay after school for help, but it doesn't seem to be helping me out much. Please, help me!

Hi Kaitlin,
Grammar..?..hmmmm!Even I was pretty bad it at it till middle school!I really know how they would eat your head.You find a rule and soon discover it doesnt hold good elsewhere..and there is endless amount of confusion!
But eventually I somehow made it and when I was in class 10 I was pretty good.I even got grade A1 in the final exam!
Well,first of all dont lose heart if you get low grades.It doesnt show anything about your caliber.They are not an indicator of your future!Grades are just there,and they are just a measure of your present understanding.It just shows you need to put in a little more effort.
With respect to English,dont restrict yourself to school books.Read a lot of other stuff.The best thing would be your daily newspaper.Whether the news makes sense to you or not,just read it.Read the newspaper for about an hour everyday...or atleast half an hour!Soon you would see your language grades soaring!Read good novels when you find time.
You just need to understand that it is normal to get low grades and you have got low grades inspite of putting in your best efforts.So,its not a sin or it doesnt mean you are dumb.It is just a matter of time and you will be ok soon.Keep fighting,and work hard.Pay real,genuine attention when you are studying.MAke note of important things.Practice more.You'll be fine.Good Luck!

449.
Name: Kissy
City:Scranton, PA
Sex : Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Dec 03 2003 / 01:50:38
Kissy's Problem:
I am having a problem adjusting to college life in a dorm. I am in a dorm and my roommate is great. I am currently a freshman and it is now the end of the first semester and cry once almost every day. I am a twin, and i always hung out with my twin sister all the time. We are at different schools now. I get to see my family almost every weekend or every other weekend. I live about two hours away. I also have a boyfriend that attends another college. I miss him a lot, and Id do anything for him. I seem to be very unhappy here in the dorm. I have an option for next year to go to a college close to home and to commute. The problem is I don't know if I want to do that or to stay here. I go back and forth, sometimes I feel like I'd be fine staying here, other times I can't stand it, and this happens throughout the day. I am going to stay here for another semester, but i have to decide if I want to transfer by Feb. in order to sign up for my classes as a sophmore. I think it is a combination of missing my family, my twin sister, and my boyfriend. I also do not have many friends here, I have about 3 or so friends. they all play sports and I am not interested in sports. I am at a private small school and there is hardly anything to do. I have also had a lot of health issues throughout the semester, and they will most likely continue to be somewhat bothersome next semester. I have no idea if i should commute next year or not! Help! I am very confused and feel lost. When I have to leave home after breaks or weekends I do not want to leave. I am afraid that if I go home then maybe I will regret it, or maybe I will be just as sad because maybe I'm sad just because I'm not with my boyfriend. Altho, usually I am happier at home. I want to be home, but at the same time im afraid i will miss out and that maybe i wont be able to make friends there. But at the same time I do not want to be here anymore. I cannot decide what to do! Please give me any advice. Thank you very much.

Hi Kissy,
Many issues there!Well,this has been your first year and probably the first time you are out of home.And it looks like you've been with your family all your life!You also have a twin sister,and I think thats another strong reason why you are missing home so much.And ofcourse your boyfriend too!So,I can see why you are feeling so uncomfortable at the moment.
You've had too many new things creeping into life within a short period,and thats making you feel miserable.Well,theres one thing you need to do.Give your new environment a chance.After all you are not in a prison.Accept changes and slowly you would start finding solace in your new place and begin to like it.You need to sit down and think,go to the second level of introspection,and dig out what exactly is troubling you.One thing is family and friends.The other thing is you need to know if you are enjoying your academic course.I guess you enjoy your course and have opted for it on your freewill.So,put down your priorities.I think your studies would come first.And the sacrifice for that is your new environment.After all its not forever.And soon you would realize this is no big sacrifice at all.
About changing your college next year,well,think about it.If I am right you chose this college because its better than the one closer to home.And you have worked hard to be here.So I would suggest that you stick to your present college,keeping in mind your career prospects.
You are going to be fine only if you make up your mind to be happy!You need to stop worrying.You'll be ok.Be more confident and be yourself.Feel secure and move around with people more easily.Concentrate on your studies;get more involved.
It is just a matter of time.Put a smile on your face.Good Luck!

448.
Name: Sarahann
City:???????
Sex : Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Dec 01 2003 / 04:44:31
Sarahann's Problem:
This one pearsson will not stop being mean to me she says im ugly and stuff like that.i know she is jelious but it still hurts my feelings please help!

Hi Sarahann,
Let this person do what she wants.The issue gets highlighted only when you react.If you dont react to this person's comments neither you are going to feel bad,nor is she going to continue this nonsense!
You know its not true,so why worry?As simple as that!Stop paying attnetion to her,and things would be fine.Good Luck!

447.
Name: Isha
City:_______,India
Sex : Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Nov 30 2003 / 22:27:06
Isha's Problem:
its really stupid .i hope u dont laugh . wht is true love ? how do u know if u love a person and he is the one for u ?

Hi Isha,
First of all your Q is not stupid and am not laughing at it!
hmmmmmm.True love is non-materialstic,un-selfish and peace.This is my definition as far as I have understood life.
The solution to "how do you know he's the one for you and do you love him" is not magical in any nature.No ray of light would strike you and give you the signal!I may sound a little heartless,but am just trying to give you a practical answer.
First of all you need to know the person.Get along with that person and know if you both make a good pair.To save yourself from a heartbreak,try not be hasty in your decisions.Take your time and come to a proper understanding of things.Making a personal comment I feel the most important thing is to be able to talk to each other endlessly without getting bored.Thats one thing that will last a relationship for a lifetime.If someone feels looks too are important,well I wouldnt say its wrong,lets not try to be hypocritical to any extent by saying "looks are not important to me" when you dont mean it.If one thinks looks are the only thing,then thats foolish!
So,Isha,its just a matter of time that you will know whos the one for you.Good Luck!

446.
Name: Kyle Carter
City:Shirley(NY)
Sex : Male
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Nov 26 2003 / 10:15:29
Kyle's Problem:
Hi. I am in need of advice and found your site. I just need someone who I can ask... I really have a great life, I LOVE my life. I love my teachers and my school in general(Except the alot of the students((Which is just me))) Me and my sister used to have trouble and didn't get along but thats resolved now.(Shes 21). Anyway, I seem to have a problem with friends. I can never seem to keep friends. I had a bunch of really close friends last year but I've lost contact with alot of them. I miss them alot and it alway seems I can't contact them and when I do, I see them once or twice and then drift away from them again. Its almost like a cycle for me. Like once I had my best friend live next door- we hung out every day. She moved away but still went to the same school. We thought we'd still see each other again but we slowly drifted apart. Several years later(And many friend sI had lost contact with) I discovered a friend who lived actually very close and we were best friends....We still are mostly. I met another friend and me and her became best friends aswell. For all of Last year I had them both as my best friends. But now I'm starting to lose contact with both of them at the same time. I've tried making friends with other people in my school but I have nothing in common with the people in my classes. I really like having friends, they are a main part of my life. But now I'm afriad I'm gonna see less and less of my current friends and I have no one else to Hang out with... What can I do? How can I keep my current friends or make new ones?
Thanks,
Kyle
Ps: I really think your doing a great thing here by helping people out. If only there were more people like you in the world.

Hi Kyle,
Thanks for those wonderful compliments!
Coming to your problem,I think you need to be more mature and take learn to take things in the right perspective.You cant judge your relationship based on the kinds of dreams that you've been getting.If you genuinely feel something is going wrong you need to talk to your boyfriend.A lot of things can slip away if you dont talk at all.So,go ahead and sort things out by talking.Good luck!

445.
Name: Emily
City:Northampton
Sex : Female
Age :10
Date/Time of Posting:Nov 25 2003 / 21:41:59
Emily's Problem:
My friends have gone off with this gang of bullies and they're all bullying me and i dont know what to do and i feel like i shouldn't be living. What shall i do???

Hi Emily,
Aaaah!Emily,I know thats very mean.But you can be at peace.Just dont bother about what they say or do.Nothing irritates them more than your nonchalance!Eventually they would get bored and give up.You have fun!Good Luck!

444.
Name: MarvC
City:Dallas
Sex : Male
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Nov 24 2003 / 00:20:01
MarvC's Problem:
I have had several bad years in the last of my life. I have lived with my MOM for awhile, did not work out. I am living with my DAD now. I dropped out of high school while at my moms house. My Dad and his new wife helped me get my GED. The problem is I am never satisfied. I have a girlfriend 50 miles from wher I live. This is all I care about. My DAd enrolled me in college in courses I wanted to take, but I dropped out without telling him. Lost interest. I have take his gas card and charged gas without him knowing it, as well as his mastercard. Well he found out, cannot see her for awhile. I have found myself lying to my parents all the time. Our relationship is really starting to be strained. I feel like I am being jumped on all the time. I have done stupid things. I messed up thee relatioship at my Moms house and was told to leave. What should I do????

Hi MarvC,
You have messed up things in the past.Who has not?
Your past is going to trouble you only with your permission!What I mean to say is you need to forgive yourself for all the things you've done.There is no point cursing yourself endlessly for that,and ruining your present and eventually your future too!SO,move on.Get yourself a life.
Well,you are old enough to know your responsibilities.It is the right time to give your life a direction.DO some introspection,know what you want to do in life.If you think you dont want to do a course that your dad wants you to,then make sure you justify your decision of discontinuing that course.Chase your passion.Do what you like and prove yourself.If you are plain lazy,believe me you have a tough time ahead.
The friction at home is largely due to your reckless behaviour in the past.YOur dad is going to respect you only if you prove yourself and do something worthwhile.You must keep one thing in your mind.Dont have feelings of hate toward anyone when you battle to realize your dreams.People may not acknowledge your dreams and passions,but they are not bad people.Be more mature and keep going,to achieve what you want.Things will slowly fall in place,even with regards to your family life.The solution to most of the problems you may face is inside you,how you conduct your life.Remember to take each issue at a time,rather than thinking of everything at the same time and calling yourself a loser.Dont do that to yourself.Be more easy on yourself.You are definitely going to be a lot more peaceful.Good Luck!

443.
Name: Rikki
City:Urbana
Sex : Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Nov 23 2003 / 10:14:58
Rikki's Problem:
Hi my name is Rikki and I have this really good friend she's like a sister to me. She' always down and depressed alot and her mom has emotional problems. So I can see why she's like that but is it normal for her to be so down everyday. Everyday I come to school and I go to talk to her but she dosen't care about what I say most of the time. I know I shouldn't be worrying about to much everybody has there bad days. But I just want to know if that is healthy and should I try to help her.
Thanx Rikki

Hi Rikki,
It is really nice of you to be concerned about your friend's well being.Yes,you need to talk to your friend and see how best you can help her out.I wish you and your friend the very best for life!

442.
Name: Brooke
City:Whitefish
Sex : Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Nov 21 2003 / 09:02:36
Brooke's Problem:
This is the first time I asked someone for adviced. The reason I'm coming to you is that I not only need someone to talk to but also give me advice. My problem may not be as big as others, but for me, its tearing me apart. Its about school, and my mom, and my future. You see my mother is one of those mothers that push their kids into getting good grades. The thing is, I can't get the grades she wants. She yells at me and takes privliges away from me if I don't deliever, which is all the time. She's not the bad guy, its me, its all me, I know this well. I know the reason she pushes me so hard is that she loves me and wants the best for me, I just can't seem to get the grades she wants. I know I can do well if I tried, that fact is, I don't try very hard at all. I'm lazy, I rather goof off and do that things I enjoy, rather than suck it all up and just do my homework or study for tests. I lack inspiration, my mother tells me this all the time, and I know it. But knowing something and doing something about it are two different things. I want inspiration, I just don't know how to get it. Even in my art I lack inspiration. And art is what I want my career to be. I love anime and manga, every time I draw and draw something that is related to that style. I dream of being one of the first successful American anime and manga artists. The fact is, I just dream. I don't practice like I should, I am taking an art class, but my teacher has us do more realistic artwork that what I like to do. The point I'm making is that if I don't have inspiration in the things I love to do, what hope do I have? I'm sick of having to come up with excuses to why my grades are so low. I'm sick of lieing to my mother whom I love so much and what to please. I'm sick of not taking the time to practice my art or do my homework. I want to change! I just, don't know how. I hate why I'm doing to myself. I hate the person I've become. Why can't I just wake up from my dream world and grow up to act more like the person my parents what me to be? Can u please help me? I begining to lose all hope.

Hi Brooke,
You are an interesting,sensible and sane person!I dont have much to tell you,for you have all the solutions to your problems,you just put them in your problem statement itself! You know it,you have the solution!Now,all you need to do is get into action.Respect this rule of life:Laziness will kill you!
You just need that initial push and then there will be no stopping for you.Remember,you cannot wait forever for something to come magically and strike you.That would never happen.You need to push yourself and make things happen.Remember not to make the mistake of starting off very big,because you are going to give up the very next day.Slowly build your goals and be progressive in your achievements.Pursue your hobbies so that you ahve a healthy state of mind and can have a good and receptive mind all the while.
Above all,you need to stop repenting about the past.You need to be your best friend and genuinely believe that you can make your dreams come true.Read good books,if you are looking for inspiration.The point is you need to work hard no matter who inspires you.Inspiration form an external source is essential,but not everything.You put yourself to work,and slowly start achieving small goals that you set for yourself.Now,these achievements would be your best inspiration!You cannot get greater affirmation than that,and you cannot get any closer than that to truth.You would see all your senses ringing:I am a winner!Learn to inspire yourself.
Remember that you cannot make a succes story overnight.Be patient,keep the faith and keep working.Never give up.Even the smalles thing you achieve is important and is an indicator of your progression.Dont attempt herculean tasks at one go,you are invariably going to be disappointed.Slow and steady wins the race,as always!Take it easy,you can do it.In a nutshell,you just need to begin working hard..and believe me,its not hard..you are going to love your life once you get going.It is just that initial part,the ice breaking,and then things would flow.Think it over.All the best!

441.
Name: Andrew Shamblen
City:Beverly Hills
Sex : Male
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Nov 19 2003 / 08:43:15
Andrew's Problem:
I started to go out with this great girl, we went out for a week and she kept talking about her ex. So one night i confronted her about it and told her it wasnt fair to me to be in her ex's shadow. She asked if we could back off while she got her head together. she says she still wants to be with me, after she has had time to get her act together. I still like her alot but i hate the position she has put me in. So now we're just friends so she can think, but since this began i have been miserable. I dont know what to do i like her alot but i could be waiting for a long time.

Hi Andrew,
Great going.Yes she needs some time off and clear things up and figure out what she really wants.Its good for both of you.Thats the only way you can be in a good relationship;and it cannot happen when you have a million doubts!After all you dont want a confused girlfriend all your life and never know when she may run back!You are better off without a relationship if this is the case!So,its good that shes taken some time off to let the dust settle down.Good Luck!

440.
Name: Nicole
City:Mt Juliet
Sex : Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Nov 19 2003 / 06:45:11
Nicole's Problem:
there is a guy at my work who flirts a lot. he is always saying how cute i am and when he asks me questions he will pause and say gorgeous. he always asks when ill be working again and when i tell him the days i wont be working he always says ahh man you wont be working i wont get to see you and he always smiles at me and flirts and picks on me. does he like me? my friends say he does. please give me your thoughts on this

Hi Nicole,
He probably finds you ineteresting and likes you.Well,the point is do you like him?Dont be hasty!Its not going to be the the end of the world..get to know each other better before you really decide upon something.Good Luck!

439.
Name: Fernando Reyes
City:Blueisland
Sex : Male
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Nov 19 2003 / 04:17:31
Fernando's Problem:
i dont go to school i already missed 14 days and my mom might go to jail but i try as hard as can to go to school but i just cant do think its because my dad left me i dont want my mom to go to jail but i dont know what to do please help.

Hi Fernando,
I would just ask you to stay calm,dont buckle down.I know you are going through a difficult phase.But theres one thing you need to always remember in life...never trade your studies for anything in the world!
Each one of us have this phase in our life,when our endurance and patience and will power is tested..you are going through such a phase,where you need to be really bold and face the facts!Be brave.I wish you all the best!

438.
Name:JMP
City:SterlingHeights
Sex : Female
Age :11
Date/Time of Posting:Nov 19 2003 / 03:56:37
JMP's Problem:
there is this grl maria who started hanging with me and my friends. she hates me and is always mad at me for no reason. shes after my friends. when me josh and patrick do work 2gether in class she listens to our answers and copies them down. she thinks everything i like is dumb. she brainwashed my friend amee. she says"tell me that secret or i wont be your friend anymore" and "do u want me 2 speak 2 u ever again?!" she hates me. i hate her but shes got my friends wrapped around her finger. what should i do? please answer by 2night (nov. 18th) or next tues.

Hi JMP,
First of all,am so sorry for not reaching you in time.This is due to the busy schedule that I need to keep up with work and the large volume of mails I receive.I hope I can still be of use in your present situation.
Your friend Maria is feeling insecure and you need to treat her with love.She's doing all this out of fear of rejection and so,is forcing herself on people.You need not despise her for this.She still is young and needs some more udnerstanding.Give her a chance.She will soon be ok.Good Luck!

437.
Name: Lena
City:KL
Sex : Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Nov 18 2003 / 12:08:12
Lena's Problem:
i have been with this guy,B,for almost 8 months.during our relationship sometimes i mention my feeling of breaking up with him..i have actually mentioned this quite a few times.now that i mention again, he wants to break up.but i dont want.i mean i dont want to end a 7 months relationship juz like this.although i mention break up to him..i only meant it at that time only..because sometimes i get annoyed with him for not tokin to me and sometimes although we tok.its juz for 2 min.how can i possibly not get annoyed when he does this..cuz we r not seeing each other everyday already cuz i cant go out much and plus my parents doesnt know that i go out with him cuz i'll lie to them.he told me he still like me.i think he got fed up with me saying break up all the time..(although juz few times).but you see its him who asked me how i feel,so im juz tellin him cuz he's my bf..he has the right to know exactly how i feel...although he wanted to break up,im askin him not to break up so now we are on a temporarily break cuz he needs time to think. at the same time i have family problems 2 and my olevel exams are near 2.i tried to break up but i 'broke down' immediately after that.somehow all the problems juz came to me just like that after i broke up with him.in this relationship, we have done a lot of things that i just cant forget.i cant let myself break down at this time wen my exams are coming near.im scared that i wont be able to make through if i break down.so what should i do?what can i do?am i suppose to let go when he still likes me and i still like him?is it hard to forget everything that has happened and start all over again?

Hi Lena,
You seem to be confused.Well,both of you need to take some time and think it over,as to what each of you want from the relationship.You need to take a collective decision.Theres no point if both of you are thinking in different directions.Your relationship would only get strained.So be true to yourself and take it easy.Come to a decision.Good Luck!

436.
Name: Jodie
City:Derry
Sex : Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Nov 12 2003 / 22:08:20
Jodie's Problem:
2 months ago i got into a dodgy relationship and i managed to get out of it. a month ago the guy agreed we could go on stands every so often but it was complete torture. he would yell at me and put me down everyday if i even looked at another boy but he was allowed to flaunt his other girls in my face. he slagged off my friends and if i dare speak back to him he would go through me. i was always too scared to tak 2 him a bout how i feel and i really needed away to get back at him as cold as it seems. he made me feel so worthless and scared and if i had put up with it anymore i would have lost it. WEn he told me i had to go to his formal dance i was so happy as it was my chance for revenge. I went in and met all his friends maken them no i was thereetc. then i jst left without sayen a word hoping to humiliate him that his date ditched him. I went into school after and everyone had stopped speaking to me. my ex is very popular and nice to all our friends and hes c ompletley twisted wats happened making me out to be a heartbreaking witch. i feel so lonley but i couldnt cope nemore? did i do wrong? how do i get my friends back? please please help me!

Hi Jodie,
You've probably taken a rash decision.Well,first of all the guy seems to be a little immature and needs more time to get his senses working.This is not a movie for you to take a revenge!
Learn from your mistakes and next time think twice before you go around with anyone.About convincing your friends,I guess the best and true friends are goign to listen to you and stick on.You dont need to keep worrying about this and think the whole world is against you.Keep moving.Good Luck!

435.
Name:Kristal
City:Bremerton
Sex : Female
Age :19
Date/Time of Posting:Nov 12 2003 / 13:26:57
Kristal's Problem:
I�m trying to decide whether I should move to n.c to be with my mom and sisters. The thing is my mom uses me to baby-sit and clean house. I know most kids complain about their parents not being a parent but mine really wasn�t. My mother had me raise my siblings since the age of nine. My sister said they miss me and need me out there. No one thinks I should go. I don�t know what to do, can you help?

Hi Kristal,
This is a decision that you need to take,based on your present situation.Weigh out all the parameters like your job,carer,studies,family circumstances and act accordingly.Based on your priorities,you need to take a decision.Its not at all wrong to take care of your siblings.This may not be a common thing in every house around you,but each family is unique and you need to understand that and carve out a life for yourself with the existing issues.Dont take it hard.Good Luck!

434.
Name:Speedy
City:Oroville
Sex : Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Nov 10 2003 / 12:14:18
Speedy's Problem:
My boyfriend ang i are deeply in love but he smokes pot and i have repeatedly asked him to quite but he tells me the same thing, that he uses it for his back and to help him sleep. My mother checks my eyes everytime i walk through the door to see if i am high and i don't like that i want him to quite so bad. What do i do? please give me some direction.

Hi Speedy,
Your friend needs some sense.Try to convince him to attend seminars and courses on how to break this habit of his.He can always see a good doctor to help himself with the sleep and backache problem.
Well smoking is not a solution for backache and sleep problems;we all know this.I wish you and your friend the very best!

433.
Name:Natasha
City:Jonesboro
Sex : Female
Age :19
Date/Time of Posting:Nov 05 2003 / 22:39:34
Natasha's Problem:
i was going out with this boy name jesse and we were going out for 3 weeks. jesse talks about peopel alot and and they talk about him saying he's ugly and talks about his lips and stuff. so everytime he talks about a person they puts my name in it and talks about me and calls me ugly. so he will come back and tell me what they have said but he laughs like its funny. so he broke up with me just because someone called me ugly, i still like him what should i do?

Hi Natasha,
Your guy seems to be confused and wavery.I think you are better off without a relationship with a guy like this.Well,it may not reflect his character,but just shows he's not mature enough.Anyway you are better off without such a rlationship.
It may be hard at the moment...but think about it.You surely have better times ahead.Good Luck!

432.
Name:Angie
City:KL
Sex : Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Oct 27 2003 / 10:35:42
Angie's Problem:
im currently doing a debate on the topic "teenagers are getting out of hand these days" and im in the negative team which go against this topic.so i need some points and information that could be of use to me in the debate.if you could share some information....i would be grateful.thank you.

Hi Angie,
Teenagers are getting out of their hand.The reasons are many.One of the most striking cause is lack of attention from home and school.Parents need to be more understanding and broadminded.they need to understand there is not set rule for bringing up their kids.They must be more involved,learn along with their kids and strike the right balance between discipline and liberty.If a child is subjected to verbal or physical abuse by his or her parents,he/she retailiates and then the whole pandora's box opens!
Kids of today are extremely brilliant,creative and focussed.They only need the right guidance.No one is born a rogue or born indisciplined.It is all in the upbringing.
Well,these were some of my views,in a very broad perspective.Hope I've reached you on time!Good luck for your debate!

431.
Name: Musharraf
City:Karachi-Pakistan
Sex :Male
Age :??
Date/Time of Posting:Oct 26 2003 / 00:39:07
Musharraf's Problem:
My elder sister about 38 is a patient of Schizophrenia since 10 years. She got married 7yrs back and just after one week due to this desies got divorce. Now she is bing teaching in a school. She is taking madicines regulary since 10 yrs medcine name is (clozril tab).
I feel every year in start winter her dises activated and she starts smiling by herself which is gradually turn into mode disorder. within one week she become out of control. We all family members are very much worried about this thing that how can we get know her dises is becoming start and what measers should we take to prevent this desis. Is this desis is 100% cureable or not.

Hi Musharraf,
I have no clue about the true nature of this disease.I suggest you consult a a better doctor and get a good treatment for your sister.
Theres one thing you need to keep in mind.This is regarding the way you treat your sister.Take care not to hurt her mentally or physically.You dont have to feel unfortunate for your sister.This is life and all of us face extraordinary circumstances.We must be strong and optimistic in moments of despair.just keep the faith.Here's wishing you and your sister the very best.God Bless!

430.
Name: CARLY
City:PEACH BOTTOM
Sex : Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Oct 25 2003 / 06:04:05
CARLY's Problem:
dear anyone who actualy gives a crap bout my probems, well i have this bff and weve been friends for bout two years now and i know that she will always be there for me but this year we dont have any classes togetha and she has every class wit the popular girl"lauren" and everybody wants to be laurens friend and now my bff is hangin wit her in classes and i dont want to lose ber ya no? anyone who wants to help me write me at the given address or im me if im on i need all the help i can get i want this friendship to last any one who can connect to me please respond to my cry for help yhax so much

Hi CARLY,
You just need to talk to your friend and let her know what you are going through.It is natural to have ups and downs in friendships.You are just going through a not so good phase.Be patient.Dont get judgemental.Good Luck!

429.
Name: Vikrant Sharma
City:Bangalore
Sex : Male
Age :??
Date/Time of Posting:Oct 15 2003 / 16:07:54
Vikrant's Problem:
i have been trying to install oracle 8i enterprise edition release 2(8.1.6) on a windows 2000 professional edition on a P-4 machine. when i put the cd on the drive it autoruns, but as soon as i click on the install/deinstall button the setup program never launches. does windows 2000 has a support for oracle8i on a p4 machine.

Hi Vikrant,
You can probably consult the installation guide or visit their site to get some answer.Good Luck!

428.
Name:Su
City:Glasgow
Sex : Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Oct 14 2003 / 21:39:47
Su's Problem:
everytime i go to do my chemistry homework, i cant bring myself to do it, its so hard and i dont understand it, i am not s stupid person, i know i could do it but i always put it off, and i dont know how to start studying, i feel i hav wasted a whole year and now there is not enough time to get everything back from last year, i should have worked harder but what can i do now?

Hi Su,
Well,the best way to handle a "bad subject" is to give it more attention than other subjects.How do you go about doing that?
Well,first of all you must believe honestly and tell yourself that it is not a tough subject.Because,no subject is impossible.Once you realize this fact,you will automatically find yourself sitting with that subject.Dont develop an aversion towards it.Take a positive approach.Another key thing you must understand is only hardwork would pay.Nothing will sink into your head unless you work on it.Practice the tougher sections more often.For chemistry,you need to write down the reactions and know how each element behaves,ofcourse within the scope of your study!When you get a doubt,clear it immediately,dont pile it up.Once you postpone your work and pile things up,well you would just enter into a series of backlogs and finally the subject would look like a big mystery and becomes boring and finally tough!
A regular and sincere work would help you!Good Luck!

427.
Name: Purnima
City:Chennai
Sex : Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Oct 14 2003 / 17:15:43
Purnima's Problem:
i went to the yahoo search and asked abt a site to solve our probs and i saw this site's name and i entered it. Problem_is: = i have two friends pravallika and priyanka. pravallika and i r best friends since we were in first grade. priyanka joined our school in our fourth grade and she was friendly with us for sometime and then she started quarelling sometime and now we r in 8th grade. pravallika left our school in 7th grade and in this school priyanka told me that i was her best friend and she was behind me for nearly 4 months and i told her that i could not tell anybody except pravallika as my best friend and then she did not speak to me proprly after my dusserah holidays and she is always behind another girl called niveitha and she has spoke bad about me in my class saying that i had some disease, but the others did not believe it. then now she is illtreating me and she is serious when i am there with her. i want to know how to make her understand that friendship is something true and good. and something mentionable here is that niveditha says she does not like priyanka in front of priyanka and priyanka says the same in front of nivedhitha and they say they are friends. i just need to tell her something that i am not a bad girl and spreading rumors is something very bad.

Hi Purnima,
Well,you need to frankly confront Priyanka and tell her what you are going through.Appologise sincerely,if you know you have hurt her anytime.
It is natural to have these misunderstandings with friends.nobody is perfect.Have a forgiving tendency and learn to get going.About the rumours,well they are as big as you think!Pay no attention to them,and learn to ignore them.Good Luck Purnima!

426.
Name: James
City:Chennai
Sex : Male
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Oct 08 2003 / 02:20:41
James's Problem:
whenever i get along or move around people for ex,walk around,seated in a chair or even riding my bike through a entirely new place i strongly believe that the peoples are watching me for a long time and when i think so my activities are changing such that my walking style becomes very rigid like a machine or my hand sweats and get cooled or my body movements become very funny these symptoms occour even when i become anger. also most of the time i use to hang up in some unwanted thoughts and my brain is always busy in some worthless thoughts whenever there is nothing to think usefully ,which i couldn't stop. Also about my eyes..it gives an entirely different look without my knowledge,like,looks like blinking most of the time even i am not blinking of any thing. kindly give me some effective and powerfull ways to change my walk,eye look and worthless thoughts erradicate these things out of me. i would be waiting for ur solution and if u requires i would give u more details.

Hi James,
You seem to be worried,a little too much,about people around you.The root cause being,you lack self-confidence!
Imagine you are standing in a bus stop,and you know all people around you are strangers.See how much attention you pay to them.Hardly isnt it?Well,its the same way about them looking at you.You are just a stranger in the new place,minding your own work and the people are also minding their own work.No one is judging you!This is the fact.Realize this.You would be a lot more peaceful.
Engage yourself in hobbies.Read books.Keep yourself working.Understand that you are no less than anybody around.Work on your confidence level.Try to enroll yourself in a personality development program if you get a chance.Meet new people,talk to them,learn new things.Be proactive and dynamic.Good Luck!

425.
Name: Elizabeth
City:Rapid City
Sex : Female
Age :19
Date/Time of Posting:Oct 06 2003 / 22:38:51
Elizabeth's Problem:
i have a report i am doing on "Why kids dont like going to school" Do you think you could help me out a little

Hi Elizabeth,
Well,there cannot be a generic answer to your topic.Every child is unique in terms of personality,society,circumstances,etc. For any particular child,any of the above reasons could be causing him or her to not enjoy school.You could probably take up individual case studies to add more meaning to your work.In the end you could come up with a conclusion based on your study.But again this cannot give the complete picture!
However,some common reasons would be like:
Lack of interest with the subjects he/she is learning(again due to various reasons like not having a good teacher,etc.)
Problems at home.
Shear laziness
..etc.
There is no better way to get closer to this topic than talking to kids around you.Good Luck!

424.
Name: Marissa
City:Agusta
Sex : Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 29 2003 / 01:15:13
Marissa's Problem:
I need help finding outwhat messages the our world is giving us and why it is important.

Hi Marissa,
I would appreciate if you could write back in greater detail.
One thing's for sure....the world has many many things to teach us.Get back in detail!

423.
Name: Angelique
City:Kokomo
Sex : Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 23 2003 / 20:14:38
Angelique's Problem:
My man wants time apart, but openly stated he does not want to break up and that he knows I am the one for him. THe problem is, he doesnt know how much time he needs. Should I stay or stick it out. I dont want anyone else

Hi Angelique,
You should talk to him regarding this issue.Try to know what exactly is troubling him.See if you can help him out.Know for sure why he wants a break,and decide acordingly.
My suggestion would be generic int his case as I dont know what exactly is the reason he wants some time off.Well,if he really takes a break,I dont think it is a very good idea.Good luck!

422.
Name: Foxie
City:Manchester
Sex : Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 23 2003 / 01:50:40
Foxie's Problem:
I am in such a mess! I have turned into someone who I'm not. I have been dating this Dan for a month and on the second week i got drunk and slept wiv a 28 yr old, but even after that i was still cheating on him wiv the same guy. My boyfriend suspected something but i denied everything. I promised him I would never cheat on him, and that he souldn't worry so much. But when im with Dan i feel that he should be with someone better than me, someone who is more trustworthy and loyal but I can't bring myself to confess that i had cheated. I still want to be with him but can't help wanting to end it because of what i've done. But he says he loves me and I really don't want to hurt him. What can i do? Please don't tell me to confess because there is no way I'll be able to do that.

Hi Foxie,
Look back and see what you have learned from your experience.Just sit and think for yourself.
first of all forgive yourself.Be easy on yourself.All of us make mistakes.We only need to learn from them and not degrade and blame ourselves forever.You should like yourself first.Accept what you have done.Face yourself first.
About telling Dan,well you have to do that!Theres no way you can think of a successful relationship when you are going to hide things out.Just tell him what happened.I am sure he's going to appreciate your honesty and this would in trn strengthen your relationsip.
If you choose not to tell him,there is not going to be any end to your misery.Think about it.Good luck!

421.
Name: Kegian
City:Greenwood
Sex : Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 18 2003 / 22:34:32
Kegian's Problem:
I ceep having these dreams that my boyfriend (which i live with and been with for 3years and use to seeing every night but i have now started a second job and work nights) is cheating on me. My dream book says it means he is going to show me his devotion for me. (like marriage) Is this true, is he cheating or am i just insacure.

Hi Kegian,
I think you need to be more mature and take learn to take things in the right perspective.You cant judge your relationship based on the kinds of dreams that you've been getting.If you genuinely feel something is going wrong you need to talk to your boyfriend.A lot of things can slip away if you dont talk at all.So,go ahead and sort things out by talking.Good luck!

420.
Name: Sarah
City: Pasco
Sex : Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 18 2003 / 01:20:46
Sarah's Problem:
I am doing homeschool this year my mom wants to have a family homeschool at home next year. and I want to go to middle school so I can be with my friends. can you please give me advice.

Hi Sarah,
Well,did you ask why your mom wants you to be at home?Perhaps she has a valid reason.You could always tell your mom and try to convince her in a polite manner that you want to go to middle school and socialzie with friends.After all,this is also a part of your education.So,talk to your mom.Good Luck!

419.
Name: Sonia Hasnain
City: Lahore-Pakistan
Sex : Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 17 2003 / 12:05:22
Sonia's Problem:
I want to Know what is the right age for a child to go to school? and why? In our country kids go to school starting from the age of 2 years , is that harmful for their mental abilities since they are too young to participate in the schooling activities?I am doing a research on this topic"the right age to start schooling" so please send me as material on it as possible.Thank You.

Hi Sonia,
You have raised a very vital question concerning a child's growth.And it is certainly a matter to be thought of,by every parent.
Ideal age to put a kid in school is 5-6 years.The kid needs to have developed certain minimum strengths (physical and mental abilities) to get adjusted to an atmosphere outside home and grasp things in the school.However this age is only for the formal education.Putting a kid in a play home or a pre-school,as it is called here in India would be good and can be done by about a year before starting the child's formal education.But this is not mandatory.
Parents tend to be overambitious about their child and try to give their kids an "advantage" by putting them in formal school education much before the age of 5,perhaps when they're 2 or 3 years old itself.This has a lot of negative impact on the child.One must understand that the kid must be given a chance to grow emotionally and psychologically and deserves the parent's attention for the first 5 years.Home,is the first school.
The effects of putting a child in school too early could have disastrous psychological and behavioural imbalance in the child.The first problem that a child would face is the lack of grasping abilities.This is not because the child is "dull" but it is because the child is not mentally equipped yet to be in an academic environment.Parents then,tend to get overanxious and pressurize the child,not understanding the fact that a child of 2 or 3 years of age in normal circumstances is not equipped to learn what a 5 year old should.This has a cumulative effect and can carry on till the end of the child's eductaion,perhaps until high school or beyond.The child is unable to cope up,and meets with a series of early failures in life which retards the growth of the child and strikes very badly on his or her self-confidence.The child would become socially withdrawn,develop complexes and there is no end to the complications that would follow.
There would be a same kind of effect even with respect to sports and other extra-curricular activites.
I hope you,in your country can bring about some awareness amongst young parents and enlighten them with the ill-effetcs of admitting an underaged child in a school.Further correspondences are welcome!Good luck!

418.
Name: Heather
City: Wells River
Sex : Female
Age :11
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 17 2003 / 04:06:41
Heather's Problem:
i got 2 f's in the same subject and its only has been 15 days into the school year and im sopoto be gettin honoroll what should i do?

Hi Heather,
Stop being lazy and work hard.If you have problems in learning despite working hard,you need to seek help from your parents and teachers.Perhaps,you need to work on how to study effectively.Be honest,talk to your teachers and parents.Good Luck!

417.
Name: Evey
City: Sheffield
Sex : Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 16 2003 / 22:34:24
Evey's Problem:
im 15 and i think ive got what it takes to be a model im 5ft8 with blonde hair and green eyes, everyone always says i have a great figure even though i eat LOADS! but im not really really pretty and i dont have much confidence in myself. but i luv trying different clothes on and i like posing for photos! how would i go about trying to get the job? pls reply luv evey x

Hi Evey,
It is really commendable that you have seriously thought of your career.
Well,the profession that you have chosen is a very demanding one like any other profession.So if you thought modelling was an easy ramp-walk,you must change your opinion.Since you are still 15 I'd suggets you first complete your formal education and get a degree in a relevant field.Never compromise on your education and degree.Till then you could work simulataneously on your modelling skills.You need to talk to a lot of people in the field,and do considerable research about the field.Seek your parents' views.
Good luck Evey!

416.
Name: Salma
City: Indore
Sex : Female
Age :??
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 15 2003 / 21:37:30
Salma's Problem:
I m working as a counselor and lately conducted a survey in the institute I am working with ,regarding problems of the students and found that most of the students are suffering from adjustment problems which is ending in depression or anxiety Reason being institute is not upto their expectation Despite my insistance that they should talk it out they dont seem to believe that counseling can help please suggest how should I convince them
thanking you

Hi Salma,
One must understand that it IS a basic human tendency to discuss our problems with others.All that a person needs is a ear that listens.So,Salma you really dont have to make your students or anyone realize the need to express their problem to you or make anyone understand the importance of your presence,through a deliberate exerciseYou cannot say,I am here and you must come to me,in a direct sense!
You definitely can convey to someone that you are there to listen,and that he or she has a friend around to listen to his or her problems.Its by the way you present yourself,the assurance that you give,the warmth that you are able to give,and the eventually the faith one develops in you,that counts.Ofcourse you cannot go on expressing these things yourself..it should be made automatically conceivable by the person who would seek your help or advice.
Also,the concept of counselling is still new in a country like ours,where most people think twice before sharing their problems with a counsellor.They'd rather do so with a close friend.However,this idea is slowly changing and with the rising number of institutes like yours,the idea of counselling is sinking into the Indian society.
So,Salma,stick to your guns and keep going.You are doing a great job!

415.
Name: Vickie
City: Lincoln Park
Sex : Male
Age :6
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 15 2003 / 08:34:25
Vickie's Problem:
My 6 year old son has been in speech classes since the age of 18 months, His speech is getting better but he has a ways to go to catch up with his classmates. I am also having trouble with teaching him how to read. Is there anything or anyone who can help me?
Thank you
Vickie

Hi Vickie,
I dont know what kind of a person you really are.Parents can,in my view,be classified as anxious,over-anxious,balanced,nonchalant(ofcourse,with respect to their kids!).
And quite many parents fall in the class of over-anxious.
You could consult a doctor and see if he has any other problem,which can be treated medically.This should definitely help.yourself that your son can do it.Believe it for yourself.Be a good,supportive mom!Show that you have faith in him.Thats more than half of what he needs!Good Luck!

414.
Name: Ross
City: Manila
Sex : Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 12 2003 / 14:21:30
Ross's Problem:
I have a big crush on my physics teacher... But I'm not doing well in his class... I find it hard to concentrate because the whole class knows that I like him... He inspired me to write 7 poems, and its off course about him... Sometimes I get so paranoid, I think about his girlfriend and i sometimes think of getting into a relationship with him... yes, i know it's crazy. But i feel that he is already the one... how can we be friends... if not lovers... to think he is 10 years older than i do... What will I do...

Hi Ross,
Well,I cannot say anything but you are messing things up!
I'd ask you to concentrate on Physics.You just need a break form what you have been doing in his class.Its in your hands and you can control your mind and make it do what you want.For once,solve a problem in Physics!And attach more importance to the lessons.I dont mean to sound like your dad,just trying to put real sense in you!You are just being lazy with physics!
Grow up,come on,tell me whats Newton's second Law!Good Luck!

413.
Name: Lyss
City: Indiana
Sex : Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 12 2003 / 09:30:14
Lyss's Problem:
ok the living conditions between my ma and i are A LOT different then the living conditions between my aunt, meaning my mom and i live kinda classy, clean, neatness is a must all city like (cleveland,oh) and well my aunt kinda lives in the country (indiana,pa) not so clean and living conditions are kinda not so classy not so much low class but around there. im not really used to it, but i love my aunt and we been close ever since i was born. and now im living with my aunt. i had no choice but to live here, meaning i wouldnt live here unless i REALLY had to so here is my kinda problem...mike my boyfriend of almost 2 years, a really rough relationship, is and always has been high class, kinda richy and he wants to come out here next week, and i dont wanna say embarassed, but i dont wanan say im not. i dont want him to think differently of me. what do u think? should i be worried? i know its goin to be a bad mix.

Hi Lyss,
Well,you are 18 and its time you stand upto yourself and stop looking for false prestige.If your boyfriend is not going to like you anymore because of your present home,he probably is immature too.If you can try and put some sense in him,well,its good.But if he's got a problem with this and you cant bring him to senses I really dont think he's seeing you for the right reason.You deserve someone better,someone more broadminded!Good Luck!

412.
Name: Brendon
City: Sidmouth
Sex : Male
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 11 2003 / 23:09:36
Brendon's Problem:
I really dont want to grow up. I look back and think, 'I am NEVER going to be 10 or 11 again am I?' and that makes me REALLY depressed. I am now going to have to face the resposibilities of being a adult, and I dont want to. I want to be a kid again and have fun. I AM SERIOUSLY DEPRESSED! No I mean it! I cry when no one will hear me!

Hi Brendon,
Well,Brendon both of us know we cannot get back in age.You know that!
Smart people make peace with things that are not in their hands!So,you know what to do now.Stop worrying and cribbing about this age reversal fantasy.Be bold and find out whats troubling you now.Think for yourself.What's making you feel insecure?The solution to any problem lies in analysing things patiently,being true to yourself in doing so,and finally getting to the root cause of your anxiety.Identification of your problem makes half your solution,because a lot of times,we tend to be worried all day,all week,and sometimes even months together without bothering to listen to whats happening at the back of our head.We are either lazy or for some reason try to avoid listening to our inner voice and listen to our own mind.And when you've been trying to put this dialogue with yourself to a future date,your problems have multiplied and in the end you are lost!You are just not able to identify what your problem is.You require more time and patience to deal with yourself now and sort your problems.So,putting things in the right perspective and giving yourself a chance is as important as eating or breathing.You have to help yourself.Be your own friend.Brendon,if you have problems dealing with yourself,you could take the help of your teachers or parents too.They surely are there to help you.
I am sure once you solve your problems and come out with your inhibitions and talk it out,you are going to look forward in life.There are too many things that you just cant miss!You are not going to look back.Good luck Brendon!

411.
Name: Ally
City: Des Moines
Sex : Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 10 2003 / 03:49:06
Ally's Problem:
Hello my name is Ally I am 14 years..old..And i just started going out with the 13 year old boy named Phil, I think he is obsessed with me, because he has wrote songs and stuff about me..we have barly met..his parents won't let him talk on the phone..and the only way we communicate is through letters..I mean at first i thought it was sweet that he was writing songs about me..but now i am just scared..I don't want to hurt this boys feelings, but i want to break up with him what should i do?

Hi Ally,
You dont need to feel guilty as long as you are not deliberately sending wrong signals to this guy.Well,you just need to talk to this guy and make things clear.Tell him what you really feel about the whole issue.I ams ure this will ward off any confusion between the two of you.Good Luck!

410.
Name: Pratik
City: Dehradun
Sex : Male
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 09 2003 / 15:03:40
Pratik's Problem:
can anybody tell me a name of a software that can convert a pdf file to a microsoft word 2000 document, without inserting frames or text boxes???plz,very urgent!!

Hi Pratik,
If my knowledge serves me right,I dont think you have a method that can automatically remove boxes and tables whe you are doing this operation.If you find a right method,do let me know!Good Luck!

409.
Name: Diana
City: Farmington Hills, MI
Sex : Male
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 04 2003 / 03:46:17
Diana's Problem:
I've been having a huge problem. It's more of a friendship problem, but here it goes. My friend (Michelle) whom i have been friends with for about 2 years now, has been a great friend. I felt that I always could be myself around her, and she felt that way about me. By the end of 7th grade, we had some problems such as me not calling her, us ditching eachother etc. Then on the day before I was about to leave to my mothers home country (Germany), we apologized, hugged and just sat outside and talked for hours. While I was there I had a great time, and talked to her online once in a while. The problem is, my life there is so different. This may sound very abnormal and self concieted, and maybe just downright stupid, but there were so many more people there that cared for me and loved me, I'm not talking about family, but about friends. Actually to be perfectly honest, GUYS, males, very cute, adorable skaters that I loved being with. In the U.S not that many boys we re interested in me. When I talked to michelle online, sometimes I would allow her to talk to those "friends" that did care about me. So with a sad heart, I left Germany and soon started 8th grade with Michelle again. School started out pretty good, meeting new friends, and reuniting with my old ones. Now, when I was back in Germany I had a crush on one of my "friends" named Jake. So, like any typical girl, I was afraid to tell him this. So i had Michelle go on my screenname and act like me and tell him as well. And as lucky as I am, I discovered he likes me too, and said that we could work something out next time I come to Germany. I was so happy, until Michelle suddenly started feeling upset. I kept asking her what was wrong, but she was like "leave me alone." Now, I've never had a friend say that to me before, so i just kept asking her. Then she got pissed and we stopped talking until the afternoon the next day. She did tell me why she was partially upset, and it was beca use she thought we would seperate in our high school years. ALthough that did not bother her entirely, it still made her upset. Then, when we were walking to our buses, she told me she was jealous that I had love and affection, and she didn't. She knew she shouldn't feel this way, but I don't blame her. *im not being self concieted* but anyways, when we got home, we discussed this issue. But somehow, it turned into ME showing HER love and affection as a friend. She said that I'm not always there for her, and I don't call when something's wrong or when she's feeling down. And now that I think about it, it's true. I mean I do give her advice when something's wrong. But I guess I haven't called her when the time was right, but then again how was i supposed to know something was wrong anyway? She also says I never do any favors for her..i have. But I can't tell her that, she'll think I'm just trying to defend myself. i helped her out with homework, and when she got kicked out of her house, i took her in. I've done things for her, but maybe it's just not good enough for her. She told me that half of her says she wants to be friends with me and the other half says she doesn't. She ALSO said that I need to show her that I care more, by calling, and hugging, etc. Now, I'm not a very emotional type showing person, I only feel I do not show. I don't want to change myself for her, but then again i do. Right now, I'm very ticked off, I don't know if I'm ticked off at her or at myself, or just everything. Should I stop being friends with her? Please tell me what I should do, and how i'm supposed to feel, and whose fault is it really? I've never had these problems with previous best friends. Have I really changed after the trip like she said? Maybe I'm just blind. All I know is that I'm confused at the moment.

Hi Diana,
Well,your friend is probably going through a difficult time.Neither of you is wrong.We are all humans,some of us are emotional while some of us are not.And neither of them is right or wrong.So,you dont have to really change yourself.
However your friend,being a person who wants assurance and security from you,you can do that as a good friend.There is nothing wrong about it.You just have to be a little more sensitive about her,listen more and be by her side.She probably has something else thats really worrying her.She just needs somebody,so be by her side!See if you can throw some more warmth into your friendship.
There is no reason you must stop being her friend.Good Luck!

408.
Name:Heather
City: Coconut Creek
Sex : Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Sep 01 2003 / 23:51:41
Heather's Problem:
I used to have a boy friend named thomas and I still like and I know he still likes me but should I go out with him again?

Hi Heather,
Take more time to decide.Dont be hasty.Good luck!

407.
Name: Tayler Stone
City: Muncie
Sex : Female
Age :11
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 31 2003 / 01:45:54
Tayler's Problem:
I was going out with this boy and my friend knew that perfectly well. She went up to my boyfriend and asked him out for herself. The thing is my boyfriend said yes. I go to Middle School and this was during 5th period. Well I didnt know he was going out with my best friend and that he dumped me until Volleyball Practice after school. But the day before this happened dhe said my boyfriend was the ugliest thing in the world and she would never go out with him and that I should dump him. So when I learned she was going out with him I asked her if she still thought he was ugly and she told me she was telling me that so I would dump him and she could ask him out! So then I was really mad at her. I dont know if I should still be her friend or not, and is she still a worthy friend I thought she was? Please give me some advice on that thanks!
Tayler Stone

Hi Tayler,
You cannot judge your friend based on this single issue.Just be more broadminded.Learn to be more independent and careful in making your decisions henceforth!You have not lost much,I assure you of that!You are going to find a better guy,in the years to come.Good Luck!

406.
Name: Tiffany
City: ????????
Sex : Female
Age : 14
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 29 2003 / 04:22:51
Tiffany's Problem:
There is this guy that i have gotten really close to. He says he likes me a lot. But he hasnt called me in like a week! His cousin ( my close friend ) talks to him for me. He told her he really likes me and that he wants to ask me out, but he is just to shy. but he has never been shy before. Does he really like me or is he just saying that??

Hi Tiffany,
Wait and watch.Theres no hurry whatsoever!Be easy on yourself.Good Luck!

405.
Name:Debbie
City:Easley
Sex :Male
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 28 2003 / 23:36:53
Debbie's Problem:
my 14 year old son has no desire to be in school. he has no interest in doing the things that are expected of him, classwork, homework, etc. i have had repeated talks with him on the need to excell in school.punishment and taking things away does not seem to make him want to do better. im affaid that he will flunk out of school. how can i get him to want to participate in school?

Hi Debbie,
Your Son is not a 5 or 6 year old kid. As he grows older, you need to grow along with him. That means you need to change your methods of confrontation. The more you try to control him completely, the more would he retort.
There are two ways of handling the situation. One way is to threaten him and punish him and go the rough way; without much success. The other way is to talk to him as a friend. You could sit beside him explain to him the facts of like and career. Respect his likes and dislikes (you need not approve of it, though). Give it a thought, and choose the second way. I am sure you are going to see him improve. I�d suggest a few things that you could follow:
1. Never hurt his ego; don�t insult him.
2. Give him chances to make mistakes; make him feel free to come to you with his mistakes.
3. Device simple reward systems at home.
4. Be generous in your appreciation; at the same time genuine!
5. Do not highlight his negative traits repeatedly; work it out with him in a manner that he improves.
6. Do not use absolute words such as �stupid�, �dull�, �dumb�, etc. to describe him.
You must have got a drift of what you are supposed to do. The general idea is to create a positive wave in him. Your tongue lashing and punishment may be justified by your good interest in him, but your son would not understand this. It is just going to retard his growth in every sense. Being supportive and friendly does not mean you cannot be a firm parent. You need to trust him more and keep your faith in him. Then, you would just watch him soar! Give these ideas a thought. Good luck Debbie!

404.
Name:Becky
City:Shamokin
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 27 2003 / 10:09:00
Becky's Problem:
I have a problem with lying. Its usually only little things but I dont know how to stop...

Hi Becky,
As long as the guilt pricks you; you still have some integrity in you. That�s good news! Well, try not to do wrong things. I am sure that would kelp you a lot. When you make a mistake, gather courage to tell your elders. They would certainly be understanding. Good luck Becky!

403.
Name:Melissa
City:Baltimore
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 27 2003 / 02:18:23
Melissa's Problem:
my sister is in 4th grade, butcan't read or write in cursif, this causes a problem because her teacher writes in cursif!

Hi Melissa,
Your sister must do more of homework to read and write in cursive. Perhaps you could help her out. Or, your parents could help her out. But, you must really try to understand your sister�s problem. Is it that she doesn�t understand her teacher�s handwriting or cursive writing in general? According to the situation, you can find a solution. Try talking to her teacher if necessary. Good luck Melissa!

402.
Name:Michelle
City:Fullerton
Sex :Female
Age :10
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 25 2003 / 11:51:35
Michelle's Problem:
Okay.. This is a kinda hard problem. I have a boyfriend and he's sweet and cute. He lives in Pomona City and I live in Fullerton City. It was 4th of July on 2002 when we became boyfriend and girlfriend. When I went back home and I went to my religion meeting, I found out someone cuter than him. I felt something wrong. Well, I really dont want to be a Two-Timer. Well, me and the new boy i like, (Abraham)we hang out and we talk. And my boyfriend (Robert) I cant even call him because of my parents. Well, Abraham, i see him all the time but i cant even see or talk to my boyfriend. I was thinking maybe Robert has another girl he likes. I need help! Please, anyone, my screen name is SkyWalkerGuy@msn.com and please email if u have the solvation for my problem. Thank you for listenign and bye

Hi Michelle,
When you grow older, you can make a decision yourself. Till then, be happy with Abraham as a good friend. Perhaps you could meet Robert once in a while. Eventually, you would have an answer yourself. Don�t wrong! Good Luck!

401.
Name:Michelle
City:Fullerton
Sex :Female
Age :9
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 25 2003 / 11:29:09
Michelle's Problem:
Searching throught MSN Search: Help Advice Problem_is: = My problem is about my sister. She didn't stick up for me when someone said mean things about me. The guys name is Taylor Allen Morgan and my sister likes him alot. Now i hate him and i hope my sister understands what i felt.

Hi Michelle,
You must tell your sister you are hurt and ask the guy not to repeat what he did, through your sister. You need to respect your sister�s choice of friends and you may not have a control over her choice of friends. Calm down!

400.
Name:Rebecca
City:Brisbane
Sex :Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 25 2003 / 08:54:34
Rebecca's Problem:
> I am really confused at the moment- I live with one of my best > friends and she has had an exchange student living with her for nearly 6 months. I moved in about two months ago and about 5 weeks ago i woke up and he was having sex with me. I freaked out but I can't say anything as my friend > and her children really like him and trust him and it would be really awkward for her because he is here for another 2 weeks before he goes back to japan. He knows I haven't said anything and he knows I won't, but I just need to talk to someone because I think I might be pregnant. Should I tell my friend the truth now or wait until he is gone? Am I just being stupid?

Hi Rebecca,
You must talk to the Japanese guy and sort things out. It does make sense to tell your best friend about what happened. Stop being too good to someone does not respect your privacy and interest. Talk, talk, talk! Good luck.

399.
Name:Sophia
City:New York
Sex :Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 24 2003 / 10:16:11
Sophia's Problem:
well, i like my teacher ... he kind of saved me while waiting 4 the train one morning to go to school. the reason why we both were there was b/c my teacher lives near by me so we usually end up on the same bus and train, i never speak to him since he is just a teacher, i would simply greet him and afterwards pay no mind to him as he would do the same. well while waiting for the train a man out of the blue pushed me onto the tracks which sprained my ankle, my teacher who was pretty far away ran as fast as possible and lifted me up. as soon as i was up the man who pushed me knocked me on the floor bruising my arm. my teacher fought him and the man ran off. of course i thanked my teacher and we sat... he stood comforting me and insisted that we go to school and report the event but i was hurt, so he missed school to bring me to the hospital which took hours, during that time having someone's presence made me feel secure... we spoke for a long while about the basics, school and what not to kill time. i didn't just like him right there and then on the spot and i didn't become obsessive w/ him just b/c he saved me... please don't come to that conclusion i know myself well... but he and i did become cool friends, we spoke a lot during school or before and occasionally i bumped in2 him outside, when i did we would hang out for a w hile... nothing special... he'd tell me how he never had this type of bond w/ a student and we'd both joke around w/ it... we would never meet up or talk over the phone it wasn't like that but he was a real cool friend and we spoke frequently whenever we had the opportunity. well one night while w/ my friends i saw him on a park bench w/ tears coming down, i left them and walked up to the bench and sat w/ him, i stayed there near him while he cried but i didn't say a word, after two hours of silence he told me his relative had died, so i comforted him and we began to speak about life; having serious conversations and things of that sort for hours, more or less 11 hours, it was kind of funny but i didn't think n e thing of it we spoke to one other like relatives ... he was interested in what i had to say and vice versa... well we said our good byes... NOW i knew practically everything about him and he the same... after that night i didn't get to speak to him for a week or so and he was kind of ignoring me in school it was very obvious... that was extremely odd, we always spoke... i was clueless as to why he was behaving the way he was... after that week of negligence i bumped into him while running some errands, we said our hi's and i went on talking and acting my normal self as always... i asked my usual questions etc. and while i was doing so he looked as if he didn't care and for each question i got a one word response, i didn't understand so i waited for him to say something, he could tell me n e thing and he knew that so i was curious as to why he changed all of a sudden, so i stood quiet while his eyes wandered around and then he looked at me, he took a deep breathe and said out of the blue, 'look, a basic student-teacher relationship is all we could have, i teach u and u leave, no more jokes, no more asking me what's up, that's my personal life, and no more conversations UNLESS it involves school, understood?' ... i knew he force himself to say what he said because he was hesitant... afterwards i relaized when listening and by seeing how he said those words that he liked me in a different perspective, not only as a friend but more... he actually had feelings that he didn't want to have so before they became stronger he basically told me we shouldn't utter n e words to one another... i was astonished ... during the 3 years of knowing eachother i NEVER thought the way he was... i'm pretty sure he wasn't either but i guess after that night he began to get more attached and i admit i liked him a bit more too but it wasn't at all serious i didn't worry about it ... we became closer after the incident but as friends... i never noticed before how he felt... i had numerous things to say but i understood where he was coming from and although i didn't want to obey his words, i had full respect and listened... i was extremely sadden... i was losing a person who was dear to me... i guess the motive was reasonable but i never really thought about the whole student-teacher thing and frankly i didn't care since we were but friends, yet maybe he was right, if we continued as friends it might have progress to more, which is not good in countless ways... he didn't want us to speak so what else was i to do expect walk away... i wanted to say some things but couldn't... we stared at one another then i began to walk off... while doing so... he just grabbed me and pushed me towards him, and then he gazed into my eyes, began caressing my face up to my hair, then kissed me. 3 minutes after the kiss we didn't say a word... i was surprised he did that after giving me a lecture... we both parted while constantly looking back at eachother... i know he wanted me to say something then , but i didn't know what to say... now, from that moment on i couldn't stop thinking about him... i really like him... i would say love but i don't know what ur reaction will be, most likely negative... we were friends, and we grew closer as friends, now different feelings had erupted... it's not a phase of n e sort b/c we knew eachother for 3 years and during that time i did not have feelings for him until that kissing incident... i always thought he was somewhat attractive but thought absolutely nothing of it b/c obviously he's a teacher why should i... and also please do not assume it's a crush i'm having, i see how some of my fellow classmates become infactuated w/ a teacher b/c that whole teacher-student taboo and begin to like the teacher for the simple fact that he's in a powerful position where he is respected by all and what not, but i'm not at all in that category i'm highly positive... when we kissed i told myself wow i just kissed my close friend and i want more then that now, but it's impossible b/c now i'm concern of being w/ him since he's a teacher... that's the barrier that's getting in the way... if he hadn't kissed me i wouldn't be in this perdicament, but he did, i'm absolutely clueless as to what i should do... i can't act as if nothing happen, it's not easy and i won't be able too, i'm not going to talk to another staff member and tell them the situation even if i speak hypothetically, b/c my school will automatically conduct an investigation, he's extremely nice and kind-hearted, nothing like that should happen to him, it's weird to even think that somthing as an investigation could occurr, but it can... there hasn't been n e other kissing incidents, just that once... now when i see him, there's tension, we both wa nt to kiss again, but we don't, and i know for a fact if this keeps up, we will... and that might lead to things that will worsen everything... i don't know my exact question that i want to ask u... there's so many things running through my mind... i don't know how to explain them... i first thought it was a kiss good bye, but i know it's not... what's ur advice... i'm not sure if i could follow them but you never know i ll try my best... i don't want to wait until i leave the school or wait two more years until i hit 18... he's young himself... 25 y/o... he runs invariably through my mind... what now?

Hi Sophia,
See, there�s one thing I can tell you for sure. You cannot possibly go on forever by looking at each other and making assumptions as to what the other person is thinking, etc.
After all, both of you know what has transpired between the two of you. So, you must just sit and have a proper, mature talk. Nothing can happen unless you have a talk with him, in the regard.
I appreciate your balanced and mature behavior over the last 3 years. Well, I would ask you to remain same and balanced all through your life, in your weakest or your strongest moments too! As for as the kissing incident goes, well I feel you were rather too impulsive in getting to conclusions. I�d suggest you take some more time to think it over and see if he is the right guy for you. Yes, I understand you�ve had some great and meaningful times with him. But, its worth taking some more time and thinking it over again. If never believe in a temporary relationship or a hasty decision in this regard, and have a million breakups. So, its up to us to give meaning to our relationships and give life fully and sanely. At the moment your teacher also seems to be a little perplexed! He sure needs time too. You definitely have to give points to the social constraints of �student � teacher� thing. After all we must think practically; we live in a society! There is a bit of decision making to he done, for your teacher too! Give him time. There is no emergency!
Well the solution to the problem lies in talking to each other and then coming to a decision. Remember, the conversation would be meaningless, unless you both are frank in expressing your views, and respect each others ideas. If there has to be a relationship, (more than a student � teacher one) it is for both of you to take it forward, and not just one of you pulling things. So, take it easy and here�s wishing you the very best!

398.
Name:Andy
City:Las Vegas
Sex :Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 19 2003 / 07:24:24
Andy's Problem:
I live my life every day with unhappiness. No one seems to care about me, and I'm struggling with selfesteem issues. Please help me before I go crazy.

Hi Andy,
You have stated your problem very plainly, but it has a lot of depth!
Well Andy, you need to do some introspection. Take some time off. Sit down with paper and pen. Now write down the top 10 things that worry you the most. Just be generous, perhaps you could even write your top 20 worries. Don�t think too much; just put them down. I really mean; you must do this exercise.
Now look at each problem, and write down a solution (briefly) for each of your problems. Give each problem some time; so you can write a solution.
The purpose of this exercise is to put your problems in place and in the right perspective. Many a time we just keep ourselves worried without paying attention to details. We fail to give time to our own selves. As time passes, all we know and feel is a constant worry and a nag stemming from our subconscious mind. This dreams all our energy, sucks up our zeal, and eats away our peace. We are so much engrossed in the daily activities and seldom allocate time for ourselves and stop to see what�s happening. So, now you know why you need to sit down and listen to yourself and do that little exercise.
The next step is to look at each of those solutions with a heightened sense of optimism. That means you are going to believe these solutions are going to work for you.
Slowly you need to device methods, allocate time, and respect your inner voice in order to fix your worries. Don�t give up; don�t pressurize yourself. You need to develop, no matter how slow, to be a positive, and a confident young person. You are just 18. You haven�t lost anything at all! Act like a winner and do everything with energy. Learn o be more compassionate with yourself. Forgive your past mistakes. Remember to be easy on yourself even in the future. You are going to be fortunate to learn from your mistakes; not all of us have this sanity! Think of your past achievements, no matter how small. Develop self-respect. If you are not confident and bold you cannot stand up in the society. you are no less than anybody around you. Break the habit of seeing people as your enemies or as they are judging you. Other things you need to work on are getting rid of your laziness, punctuality and honesty. Well, I don�t question your honesty in any respect though. Its just another thing I am telling you. Of course, you may have problems with lethargies. Believe me, its gona kill you if you don�t work on it.
Read good books, refresh your general knowledge and develop virtues like patience, and a good helping tendency. Trust people. Practice all this sincerely, at least for a month, and there would be no looking back. You can take my word for it. Slowly, things would fall in place, your self-esteem would scar and your people � skills would be better than ever before. You are gona love yourself! All this requires one thing, the most important thing, your will to change and an immense sense of commitment. You must be true to yourself, above all. Good luck, Andy!

397.
Name:?????
City:??????
Sex :Male
Age :5
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 18 2003 / 05:19:15
?????'s Problem:
I know every kid wants a dog and every mom says no, but I just don't see why I can't have one. I know I'm sounding like a really spoiled kid and a kid who has know idea how hard dogs are, but I've been given the "responsibility lecture" and I'm willing to put every bit of effort into it! Every mom wants her nails done and have no worries for one day, and guess what they get for mother's day? that same thing! I'm even willing to pay for the dog. I know all of the research about dogs. Quiz me! Anyway, that's my theory. What should I do?

Hi ?????,
You know what? I have the same problem. Well, I�ve just decided to get a dog when I start living in a house of my own (different from my parent�s home). I came to peace with this fact when I began to respect my mom�s ideas and feelings.
This is not the end of life; you just need to have some patience and foresight. That should help you! Think about it, good luck!

396.
Name:Didie Totempole
City:Joshua
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 12 2003 / 06:15:21
Didie's Problem:
ok well i have a b/f and i really like him but i think he likes sum1 else. She's really pretty and she's sorta my friend but they went out and she's popular so is he, but i'm not. so i'm havin a problem i think when school starts he might dump me for her. i have a problem with my apearances (or however u spell that) i'm always talkin 2 my friends about how fat and ugly i am and stuff like that but they say i'm nun of them.and i think every1 is prettier than me and no1 wants 2 go out with me, for me, just for my boobs or my butt or sumthin like that. and my b/f doesn't know about all this but i think he likes her alot.i'm really jealous of her. pleez help me. i don't know how 2 talk 2 my friend about it. and i don't know how 2 ask my b/f if he still like her (and i can't tell if he's bein honest, or not) well i g2g. PLEEZ HELP!

Hi Didie,
You can forget having a boyfriend for the rest of your life, if you continue thinking you are not good looking or that you are ugly. First of all, you need not be the prettiest to get a boyfriend, and second of all, a guy can like you for more than just looks. It is your overall personality that matters. Your confidence, your nature and your mannerisms are equally important. You are just 13, and your going to definitely come across several guys; and you may even like a few of them. Believe me, life is beautiful. So just be patient; don�t treat this as an emergency. First work on your personality. Things would then follow. Good luck Dixie.

395.
Name:Kayla S.
City:Petaluma
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 10 2003 / 22:58:57
Kayla's Problem:
I have alot of freinds that are guys and they all call me constently, alot of them like me and say stuff like "This year I think we should get together" and I`m kinda shy and I dont want to hurt there feelings if they like me, so I say "sure, why not" I have about 5 guys thinking there gonna go out with me this year at school, and I dont want to hurt there feelings, its really hard for me to say no to them, because I hate hurting peoples feelings. What should I do???

Hi Kayla,
It�s really nice that you are a sensitive person. Handling this issue is all about how you interact with these guys and what you convey to them. As long as you don�t really give any kind of signals to these guys, who would make them think you want to have a �relationship� with them; you have done your part of the job. There�s no harm treating them as good friends by keeping things clear. Just take it easy and don�t stress yourself out. Good luck!

394.
Name:Ditty
City:Warren
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 10 2003 / 08:17:44
Ditty's Problem:
Hello.First of all My causin and I are very close.We do everything together,we are kinda like twins.Well when her friend is with her she forgets all about me, and she like ignores me.She gets to see her friend more than me.What should I do?

Hi Ditty,
Aaaah! Ditty, that�s not true; your cousin still likes you when her friend is with her. You just need to grow up; and respect her space and friend. Be more mature and practical in your thinking.
Well you must also socialize with your friends, if you are not doing enough of it. Your cousin and you are always going to be there for each other. You should stop worrying. Be more broadminded. Think about this! Good Luck!

393.
Name:Ditty
City:Warren
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 10 2003 / 08:08:37
Ditty's Problem:
Hi.Im 14, in 8th grade, and cant multiply or divide.Am I going to make it to Highschool.I feel like i'm not and that I cant succeed in anything.What should I do?

Hi Ditty,
You are going to make it to high school if you think you will make it. If you don�t think you will make it, you wont make it. Isn�t that simple? Well, Ditty, you must not shy away from your weakness. Stand up and fight hard; and Math would be your favorite subject soon! Don�t be lazy. The only short cut to success is hard work. Work hard, believe me multiplying or dividing is really not very tough. You can do it. Just be confident and tell yourself you can do it.
I really don�t know how things work at your end, but I guess you could start off by memorizing multiplication tables. Then, division would become easy too. Practice regularly. Read books that teach you effective techniques. Take your teacher�s help; she / he would be delighted to help you out. Good luck, and remember to work hard.

392.
Name:Shawna
City:Roanoke
Sex :Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 06 2003 / 17:03:48
Shawna's Problem:
my boyfriend and i have been togeather for 3yrs, we have a child togeather and we live togeather. i just found ut that he has been using a cell phone seperate from the one i know about. he has a business that he runs on his own and i just found out that he has been having a girl working with him that i knew nothing about. i have had my own faults. i have had male friends in the past call my phone and my boyfriend has found out . for this he does not trust me anyway.i never said anything about them becuz he would not approve. he said he did not tell me about the girl working for him bcuz i would not approve. this issue with the seprate phone has really made me take a step back. i know i have decievd him but i feel like he took it to extremes to keep me in the dark. i have been faithful to this man but he does not think that is so. he does not feel i am really there for him because i want to do things without him (exp) go out or chill w/ friends. i love him and i am willing to make sacrifices for our relationship but can i believe him can i trust him ever again to not do the same things.i don't think i can. i need an abojective opinion.

Hi Shawna,
You must understand one thing clearly. If you smile, the world would smile back to you, and if you frown, expect the frown in return. Your husband is going to trust you, only if you trust him. And when you trust him, its going to show out to him. He would, may be not immediately, but eventually begin to trust you.
Well, its going to be an endless argument, if you say, �Let him trust me first and then I will trust him�. You must understand that one of you has to start, and since you have cared enough to write to me, I am asking you to start trusting him first. Understand that no relationship can survive without mutual trust. It is the basis for a long and happy association. When you trust each other, you begin to respect each other, and love each other.
To trigger off your trust, let me tell you something. Everybody in any sort of workplace or business has to meet members of the opposite sex. So, is the case with your husband? So, you must be more broadminded, and accept things and trust him. He�s sure to reciprocate the trust; and respect your mal acquaintances. Well, its just the theory of trust breeding trust, and it works as long as you are true to yourself. No matter the ups and downs, the ending is happy and good.
Give it a thought, and realize the importance of mutual trust and respect. In due course you would know about his other mobile phone too! I mean, he�d tell you.
See if you can have a small talk with him. Good luck Shaun!

391.
Name:Karma
City:Andalusia
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 05 2003 / 21:49:26
Karma's Problem:
My mom and dad is alsways in my face about my grades.Tgey are all ways saying i can do better and i can but our school system is goinging wako and there fireing teachers that are really good teachers and getting teachers that SUX at teaching they are all way putting us down they dont help us at all!!Then i have to come home when im fussed at all the time and i feel unwanted every where and no one is helping me.All i want is my parents out of my face for once i want some one in school to help me.I cant tell my parents to get out of my face or leave me alone i will hurt there feelings.And my school they dont give a pice of crap.So im hoping you can help me
karma

Hi Karma,
I am going to say something. Its not that I don�t appreciate your problem at school.
Well, I am sure your school knows what it is doing. Perhaps, its time you start looking inside yourself and roit out your real problems. See if you are putting in enough effort and hard work. Things would not work if you don�t work hard. The solution to your problem is inside you. You got to make changes. I really want you take all what I am saying in a good spirit. I am your well wisher. Just open your mind a little bit and give a thought to what I am saying. We can work this out together! Your friends are going to be dumbstruck when they see all you�re A�s. So just think about what I said.
If you think a teacher really is bad, and you cant follow the teaching, try talking to the teacher. Talk to your parents. Believe me, you are going to be surprised by the co-operation you are going to get from them. Feel free to write back to me. Good luck, we can work it out together!

390.
Name:Toni
City:Jamaica Kingston
Sex :Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 05 2003 / 01:32:02
Toni's Problem:
i'm with my current boyfreind now for 2yrs.I love him so much and he loves me too.The problem is that he had another girlfriend before me who went away for school.they didnt exactly break up.He and her grew up together and was very close.Now almost two years later i went away for a 3wk vacation and she came back and he had sex with her. He told me this after i came back and told me he was very sorry and his family was telling him not to tell me.But he did.He started telling me sorry before he even told me what it was .He said it wasnt really anything. I love him to death and i'm really disappointed that he did this.What should i do? How should i handle this?

Hi Toni,
I think your boyfriend needs to be landed for his frankness. Although his act is not a very pleasant one. Actually you need to give him some credit for his trustfulness, and based on the kind of relationship you�ve had in the past, you must come to a decision. You must try to know what exactly his stand with his ex-girlfriend is. It would be ideal if the three of you sit down and have a chat. You just need to weigh things out before deciding on anything.
After really knowing if your boyfriend is really worth you, you can decide on what you want to do with your relationship. Have enough foresight, take your time and don�t give in to any sort of weakness while deciding. Try not to feed your bitterness. It�s just going to ruin your peace. Think about it. Good luck!

389.
Name:Tessa
City:Manchester
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Aug 04 2003 / 20:20:24
Tessa's Problem:
Well, I wouldn't really class this as a problem - it's more something I want an opinion on really... My English teacher has been teaching me for 3 years now, and I think he's the most amazing person I've ever met. I love English anyway, and I've been emailing him, asking him for book recommendations and stuff, and he mails me back too. Is this weird? I can't work out whether I fancy him, or do I just respect him because he knows loads about my favourite subject? I do think he's ok-looking, and he is a great guy, but I don't know how I feel about him! I know that some of my friends do fancy him, but how can I have a crush on a teacher? Do you think I just like him out of respect, or could it be something else? Bear in mind, he is 29 years old! I look forward to his lessons a lot, and he always gives me A's and B's. My friends will all laugh at me if they ever find out that I've even been emailing him... Can you help me work out what the heck I am feeling??!

Hi Tessa,
There�s absolutely nothing wrong in writing e-mails to your teacher. Your teacher must be really dedicated; to help you out with books and references through emails.
Well, just understand this. You just like the subject and you have been fortunate to get a good teacher. You are just excited by the fact that he replies to you. The one-to-one nature of e-mails has brought further confusions as to how you must handle this. Don�t get carried away. He�s your teacher, a kin to your parent / guide. Just thank God for getting such a wonderful teacher. There would have always been the same kind of teacher, who is a female!
Well, respect him and see how you can live up to this wonderful, divine bond between a teacher and a student. You don�t have to feel ashamed or shy of keeping in touch with him through e-mails. Good luck, take things in the right perspective!

388.
Name:Mike
City:Somewhere in WI
Sex :Male
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 31 2003 / 16:48:48
Mike's Problem:
Okay. Well my ex-girlfriend just told me a couple of days ago that she thought that she was pregnant and I am really not sure what to do. We chose to keep this quiet for a while. I find myself in a terrible position. I'm head of Student Council at my school, a straight "A" student, member of a respected family in my community and a friend to everyone. Now I think that I've pretty much destroyed my future. It's not like she's doing this to get back with me because she was the one who broke up with me. I want her to see a doctor to make sure, but if she does her parents will know and eventually mine will aswell. HELP !!! Did I mention that I'm only thirteen(13) ? !!!!! I'm the mayor's son, I just can't let anyone know about this. This will be all over the locals. I really need your help!

Hi Mike,
You need to face the reality. Be brave. I�m sure this episode will take you a long way. Be honest in order to avoid further wrath. Good luck!

387.
Name:Mandy
City:Kearney
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 30 2003 / 18:58:25
Mandy's Problem:
What I really need to know is if what my parents are doing to me is abuse... and if it is what I can do to stop it without teling the police or a social worker or something. Here is what has been happening: My parents have hit me before. BUT, it has only happened on three different occasions this year. One was when my mom hit me, grabbed me by my hair and threw me on the floor by it, hit me, started to choke me, and then hit me again. Another time was when my dad slapped me across the face, threw me on the floor by my hair, and then kicked me out of the house and told me not to come back. (i ended up walking to my friends house for a few hours). The other time was when i was just sitting on my bed and my mom came in and just started choking me. When my dad kicked me out of the house, he did apologize after that, but does that make it right? Is all this physical abuse? But, it's not so much when they hit me that bothers me, it's some of the things that they say t o me. My dad threatens me alot... He says things like "I'm gonna kick your a**". That really scares me alot because he is alot bigger and stronger than me and COULD really hurt me. The other thing that really bothers me is that they call me fat almost daily. I am already self conscious enough about my weight...i don't know, it just makes me feel really bad about myself when they say those things. When my mom hit me, my parents told me that I could go to the police, but they were still right for hitting me because it was all my fault anyways. THey also said that there was nothing the police could do and that it would only make everything worse. Everything just hurts so much inside. Sometimes I think it would all be so much better if i just ended it all...ended my life. I have slit my wrist before...it was nothing serious, but it was weird. It made me feel better. It made me feel like since my parents tell me that it is all my fault...basically that i cause all the pain...that when i cut my wrist it made it all right. Because I was causing me pain, instead of other people. It makes me think that now i am equal because i am the one feeling the pain. I know that i probably sound like some over-depressed freak, but I just don't know what to do. Maybe it IS all my fault. I just wish all this pain would end....one way or another. Please help me. Answer back as soon as you possibly can. I am very afraid right now, and i need SOMEONE to help me. Please

Hi Mandy,
You have been very explicit with how your parents beat you up. But you haven�t given me the reason as to why he beat you up each occasion. Of course you have accepted they beat you because of your fault. You must always see thing from both sides. That makes a bit of sense. Now, I wish I could first have a little chat, with your parents. I do understand all the pain you go through; as you said the words surely hurt more than the beatings. The parents don�t understand this. The fact is very sensitive; your parent�s behavior is wrong, and unfortunately or fortunately that doesn�t make them stupid!
What I am trying to say is you need to accept certain qualities if your parents, and learn to live with it until you are an independent individual. This is not a case of helplessness; but a smart kid like you needs to do it. This way of life is going to bring peace to you, as well as your parents. Be smart, not to disappoint your parents in anyway. Straight A�s in all your subjects eases half the friction between you and your parents. It is a fact and you must live up to it! You are old enough to know other little things that you can take care, in order to avoid unpleasant episodes. It is all in your hands. Well, all this is not a method to trick your parents; they are simple straight forward things. I�d never want you to lie to your parents to escape confrontation. Its only going to breed more insecurity and hate in you. Be honest!
There is nothing wrong being fat! You are a young teenager; not an obese 40 � years old. So, don�t worry. Of course, being in shape and feeling fit makes one feel good. Get rid of your laziness and walk for an hour everyday (mornings). Come back and do some sit-ups. Things would be fine, if you do this regularly.
The next time your parents call you names or hurt you physically, just ask them not to. Tell them it hurts you mentally and physically. And when things are your fault, be generous to apologize rather than argue and then apologize. I�m sure your parents will change their behavior. Suicide or cutting your body is not a solution to anything. That�s the dumbest thing ever, you can do. Life is too good to let it go. You are going to be thankful to yourself when you realize this!
A lot of things I�ve said, would come to you only slowly, when you practice it, and treat each occasion as an opportunity to hone yourself; and see how you can manage yourself. Good Luck Mandy!

386.
Name:Kia
City:Bronx
Sex :Female
Age :11
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 29 2003 / 23:42:30
Kia's Problem:
I happen to be very mature for my age and my parents know this. I have a boy friend that they dont know about but they know him. They dont like this boy what should i do i like him but they dont

Hi Kia,
You must be sensible. If you truly think your parents don�t like him for a valid reason or you cant say if their reason is valid, then you must respect their views.
Or else I�d say there�s no hurry for anything. Just be patient. Good luck!

385.
Name:Dani
City:London
Sex :Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 29 2003 / 19:53:03
Dani's Problem:
I thought me and this girl were really good friends, but then it was a choice between inviting me to her sleepover and this other girl, and she chose the other girl after saying some really hurtful things. She then apologised after all our friends chose my side over hers. I thought that we had got past that and she started calling me her best mate, but then a couple of days ago one of my friends mentioned it and all the hurt feelings came back. I decided to talk to her about it and she was really apologetic about it, but she said that the friend that had told me about it didnt like me at the time, but she was the first one to come to my defense. I thought that we could get back to normal but I was wrong. Everything she does now annoys me. She has really strict parents and because she's a girl she's never allowed out except with her brothers or parents. She thinks that they're god and if they tell her to do anything she jumps to do it. If I ever phone her up her parents yell at her to get off the phone. She just goes along with it and its really getting on my nerves, even though its nothing to do with me, so I dont understand why it does. I was trying to talk about my problems, but her brother told her to get off the computer, so just as I was trying to unload the pain I was feeling, she said that she had to go, without even a sorry. I want to get back to normal, and enjoy the time we used to have, but I can't, and don't even understand why her going along with everything her family say bothers me. Do you have any advice to give me?

Hi Dani,
You must appreciate the fact that your friend has been just and nice enough to apologize to you. She deserves credit. A lot of people even though realizing their fault, fail to acknowledge it. But you have a very nice friend.
I think you must make decisions for yourself and not let others make decisions for you and let them judge your friendship with others. However you can and you must treat the final say i.e. your issues, unless its your parents.
I�d advice you to get going with the friendship you share with this girl. I�m sure she does feel sorry and embarrassed for times. She doesn�t mean to hurt you. It is just that she has to give in to her family. May be things would ease out for her in the future. As a good friend, you must understand her fix, and be mature enough. Good luck!

384.
Name:Melissa
City:Westerly
Sex :Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 29 2003 / 05:39:01
Melissa's Problem:
my boyfriend wants to take a break to see other ppl...but he tells me i have no worries cuz he is to lazy to attempt to be with anyone else what i dont get is what is the point in taking a break..? he tells me he is still committed to me and he wont lie to me but then he says hes too lazy to approach n e one..he said "i would talk to someone for one night but then the next night forget bout them cuz i love you too much" i dont understand he said he will eventually want to be with me in the long run but when is that...when summer is over...next year...when i am madly i love with him and want to be with him so much but what do i do....should i try to move on or should i stick around? please help me!

Hi Melissa,
Well, your guy is just being mean.
There cannot be 2 ways in a relationship. It has to be either you or not you (someone else). You can always have a chat with him seriously, in this regard. If he thinks he�s tired of the relationship and has a valid reason in your neutral perspective, you must respect his views and let go of the bond.
But if he�s just trying to play it too safe by saying all the rosy things and then wanting to be with someone else; he�s just being a cunning, selfish, crook! He just wants to try out someone else; if he gets along well, what�s the assurance that he�ll get back to you? And if he doesn�t get along well, he�ll come back to you! That�s the meanest and cheapest thing ever! Don�t fall for his words. Be sure. If the relationship needs to end and you need to move on, you are better off doing that. Talk to him plainly and sort things out. When he can say such things to you, I don�t think you need to be obliged in anyway. Be straight forward and curt. Act same; don�t lose hope or think he�s your only or last resort. Weigh things out. Good luck!

383.
Name:Stephanie
City:Palatine
Sex :Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 27 2003 / 03:36:10
Stephanie's Problem:
when I was little, my dad was an alcoholic. whenever he drank, he would do things to me. Although it has been over five years since we last saw him, the memories are still fresh. nobody knew anything about what he did until a couple of years ago when my sister read my journal. when the police and dcfs questioned me, I left out alot of what happened, by either answering "no" to questions that were true, or by simply neglecting to tell them. consequently, the state's attorneys wouldn't prosecute because I wouldn't tell them everything. the investigator who dealt with the case, though, said that we could prosecute him in civil court since we couldn't in federal court. he said there was no statute of limitations, and we could take him to court at anytime. but i don't know if i could do that. i don't think i could get up on that stand and testify. about 6 months ago, my dad contacted my brother and told him that he was sorry for everything that he has done to us, and that he wants to reestablish a relationship with us. and that terrifies me, mostly because I'm the only one that he still has joint custody of. my brothers and sister are already over 18. also, i just recently found out that my dad got a job as an umpire for a girl's high school softball team. I am so terrified that he is going to hurt someone else. Is there anything I can do to make sure he doesn't? I feel so guilty that I didn't stop him when I got the chance, but i was just too scared. i don't know what to do.
~Steph

Hi Stephanie,
In whatever way you decide to deal with your dad, it has to be a collective decision of your family. You all need to sit down and discuss, if the situation warrants.
On a personal scale, for you, I think you must move on. Let go if the bitterness grow out of it.
I don�t think your dad is going to be mean to his students at his new job. He has felt sorry for what he has done to your family. That is an indicator of his change. You need to hope for the best and bring yourself peace! Good luck!

382.
Name:Katie
City:St Davids
Sex :Female
Age : 9
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 24 2003 / 22:30:24
Katie's Problem:
I find it really hard to stay away on holiday because i get nervous that something bad is going to happen and i don't know how to stop my self being nervous.

Hi Katie,
Let me assume you, nothing bad is going to happen on your holidays or any other day. Be brave. Talk to your parents. You will definitely feel better about it. All the best!

381.
Name:Stephanie
City:Racine
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:May 13 2003 / 18:18:01
Stephanie's Problem:
my friend is suicidal how can i help her without telling any one else ??????????????

Hi Stephanie,
Find out why your friend is suicidal. Try putting sense in her. If you can�t handle this you have no option; tell her parents (you may request her parents to keep away your identity from her!) Good luck!

380.
Name:Stephanie
City:Racine
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 22 2003 / 23:57:08
Stephanie's Problem:
there is a boy who i met who acted like he liked me and soon i liked him too and we even talked on the phonetill 2:30 in the morning and then i asked him out and he said yes and i asked if he wanted to go to the mall and he said he had to work so no (and i know he did have to work that day) but then he was with a whole bunch of girls the next day when he supposedly had to work and he was trying to act all tough and now today he likes me again and i still have feelings 4 him ................
alot
sighned
confused

Hi Stephanie,
The boy seems to be confused. Don�t force things out of him. There�s a lot of time to come to a decision. Good luck! Even you need some time to thick.

379.
Name:Adam
City:Glen Ellyn
Sex :Male
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 21 2003 / 00:07:24
Adam's Problem:
My parents fight a lot. I am an only child. I am a real good student but bad at sports. I watch too much television and get moody.

Hi Adam,
Well, simply ask your parents not to fight so much and tell them it hurts you. They should understand.
With regard to sports, you don�t need to be a champion, but at least plays one game regularly or at least jog in the mornings. Indulge hobbies and read books. Your TV would become a bore! Be optimistic and have good habits, your nerves would ease out! Good luck. Adam!

378.
Name: Lindsay
City:Glendale Heights
Sex :Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 21 2003 / 00:05:46
Lindsay's Problem:
I do not like to clean my room and it is expected. I have been graduated from high school for a month and have done nothing. I plan to go to college in the fall. I am very lethargic.

Hi Lindsay,
One sure short rule of life: �Laziness will kill you�.
You are going to succeed in life only if you respect this rule. It is all the more important to act on this rule. What I really mean is that most lazy people know they are lazy but are too lazy to act on their laziness. They know they are lazy, and even know it�s not good for them, but they are almost kind of helpless.
The only solution is to break the ice. You must get yourself to task just once. Then, again set very small targets for you to accomplish. Slowly work out strategies and in no time you are going to be as busy and active as a bee. But, you need to take that first step. Be sure to set only small practical targets that are really achievable; when you start off. When you accomplish the small ones, they may not mean much but they surely act as tremendous positive catalysts to gear you in the right track. Then, there will be no look back!
Cleaning your room is perhaps the starter. Just do it and see how good you feel about yourself. Your stress & anxiety is sure to decrease! Well, you just need to make that first move (may be a small one) and work out strategies. Laziness multiplies in no time and you need to realize that and put a check. On the other hand activeness breeds more positive energy and you would see your life transform into a peaceful, organized, successful journey. Give it a thought; cure to lethargy is in you, no external remedies! Good Luck!

377.
Name:LB
City:San Jose
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 20 2003 / 22:07:22
LB's Problem:
i have this best friend who i have known for a whole year. even though we were friends he wanted me to admit that i liked him more than that. so i became his gf after listening to him edge me to confessing. it when by great until he came back from this decathalon(smart ppl) event. when he came back he was ignoring me like heck. i later found out the next week that he dumped me but wanted to stay friends. i was so hurt that i covered it up by ignoring him back that week. but when i got over it the week after he began being ever so cold to me. and its been this way since the last month in school. he even said (and i qoute him) "i am ignoring u for a reason. wut makes u think i want to talk to u now." not to mention that he also called me a bitch to my best friend who he dosen't even know. hes been that cold to me since and i hate it cause i miss being friends with him and now he won't even talk to me. i need help please. i tired calling him just two days ago and h e told me to stop calling him. i tried talking to him before shcool was out but he snobed me off. i dunno wut to do...i've tried everything i can think of but he won't even hear me out on how i feel. he is a dear friend of mine but now my worst enemy...and i don't know how to stop this chaos.
~*~*~LB~*~*~

Hi LB,
You need to first stop feeling helpless. The guy seems to be immature, and has a lot to learn. You are better off without a relationship with such a guy. You need to move on. You have a lot of time in life, and have lost nothing. You�ve gained some experience. Take it easy and come to terms with the fact. Good Luck!

376.
Name:Aimi Kerton
City:Southend-on-Sea
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 19 2003 / 04:11:38
Aimi's Problem:
Hi im Aimi, im having an relationship problem. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 11 months and we recently split up. I still have feelings for him and i know he has feelings for me but i don't know what to do about it. Can u help me please??? I really want to get back with him.

Hi Aimi,
You have not told me, why you have split. Well, I presume it must be for a good, solid reason. I think you must be more mature, and realize the fact and get going with life. This is not the end of your love life. Work out on your thoughts and feelings in a mature way and more on. On a second thought, if you think the reason why you have split up is not a second one, you could try talking to him, but honestly I would not be comfortable with this idea!Good luck.

375.
Name:Brittany
City:Massachusettes
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 07 2003 / 08:30:13
Brittany's Problem:
I am only 14 years old right now, but even people my age need help and have nobody to ask, I feel comfortable asking you. See, it's my ex-boyfriend...I really like him, and he "says" he likes me too, but he won't go out with me! Every time I ask why he won't since he "says" he likes me so much, he says because I don't "do stuff" with him. My explantion is that I'm only 14! Also, I wouldn't mind making out with him that much, I mean that is if we were even going out!! But he insists that if I really want to go out with him I will do stuff with him. Prudie, should I waste MY time pleasing him? Or just try to move on, becasue I can't just forget him, belive me! I have tried!!! PLEASE help me, I'm desperate!

Hi Brittany,
Great going Brittany. Here�s a pat on your back, I�m sending across the miles!
Good, you must stick to your guns and what you think is right. You are only 14 and it�s not OK to do �stuff�. You know the consequences, don�t you?
Believe me, there�s no shortage of guys. You still don�t know what kind of a guy you want. There are too many factors to decide upon and only time would enlighten you. I�m sure you would want one relationship that holds for a lifetime rather than ten misadventures. You have nothing to lose; forget this guy and move on; think about life and career and ambitions! Good luck!

374.
Name:Kristen
City:Taylors
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 05 2003 / 05:33:42
Kristen's Problem:
okie...me and my friends wear baggie clothes and wear black lipstick and stuff to school and we get D's and F's even when we study...but the people who wear abrocrumbie or whatever just guess the answers and gets A's and B's I HATE TEACHERS THEY JUST LOOK AT PEOPLE AND SAY.."OH SHE LOOKS LIKE A STUPID KID LETS GIVE HER AND F" AND STUFF AND I HATE IT!THEY NEED TO SHUT THE F UP BC THEY DONT EVEN REALLY KNOW ME OR ANYTHING BC I NEVER GET INTO FIGHTS...WELL...SOMETIMES BUT STILL ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!AND THEY ALWAYS CALL US THE 'EVIL/DARKSIDED FREAKS' O GOD IM ABOUT TO GO KILL SOMEPEOPLE RIGHT NOW!!! I HATE TEACHERS!!!!! :'(

Hi Kristen,
I�d only ask you to work harder; because I think you aren�t working as hard as the people who get A�s. you may hate me for saying this; well, its up to you!
You just need to let go of a little ego, be true to yourself and think about what I said! All the best to you and your friends!

373.
Name:Amanda
City:Norwich
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 03 2003 / 19:51:38
Amanda's Problem:
i went on holiday last week and i met one of the reps called chris. i didnt really speak to him that much i said hello now and again and we kept looking at each other at the end we got a photo together and he put his arm round me. i cant stop thinking about him i've had major crushes before when all i can think about is them but this is different i feel sick and would do anything to see him again. i think i love him. i do know his personality as i've seen him with little children and when he speaks to people. but i've never felt this way before. when i left i felt that nothing in my life mattered apart from him. please help!

Hi Amanda,
Take it easy. Don�t be overwhelmed. You still need a bit of time to know each other better, and that�s very important for any relationship to be successful. Don�t jump into things like this. Take your time, ease your nerves. Good luck Amanda!

372.
Name:Neo
City:London
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 03 2003 / 11:32:27
Neo's Problem:
I REALLY like this boy who i keep seeing on the bus after school. I went to enormous lengths to his number and suceeded. The promblem is I phoned him the other night and we got on really well.He started to guess who i was, then he described this girl who got on the bus and said she was ugly. That girl was me but i didn't tell him. Now i don't want to meet him cause i now no he won't like me. what shall i do?

Hi Neo,
You need to stop doing things like this and stop wasting your time. Just forget about it and get going.
He called you ugly, but that does not mean you are. I for example think a particular Indian actress is really beautiful, but not a single person around me has agreed to that, hoha! The other way has also happened, me not finding someone beautiful, but a lot of people not agreeing to me! There are people having both views, and neither of them are right or wrong. Beauty is in the beholders eye.
As far as this episode goes, you just need to get moving and act more maturely. Soon you will also realize that appearance don�t always mean everything in a successful relationship. Good luck!

371.
Name:Brandon
City:Seattle
Sex :Male
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 02 2003 / 04:47:40
Brandon's Problem:
I was wondering if you would help me out. I would like to know if it is wrong to go out with my best friend. I have been friends with her since 7th grade. She is someone that I have always gone to for everything. I don't want to screw up our friendship, but am really starting to fall for her. She has the morals, and is the person that I have been looking for in other girls. I was just wondering if you think that going out with my best friend would damage our relationship. I don't want to lose her friendship. I value that almost more then anything. Thanks

Hi Brandon,
It really depends on how your friendship has been all these years. There�s nothing wrong in falling for your best friend. I�d only ask you to take time, and not to do anything hastily, good luck!.

370.
Name:Erica
City:Muskegon
Sex :Female
Age :10
Date/Time of Posting:Jul 01 2003 / 03:41:20
Erica's Problem:
My freind is so depressed! He puts himself down and he just says its nothing but i know it is something. Today he started crying and i felt soo bad for him! He said that its just stuff goin on @ home, so i didnt ask any more. I dont know if i did the right thing or not though. I'm not a phsychiatrist. He's one of my best friends and i feel really really bad 4 him, he has a really mean older bro and i think thats part of it. He says he has no freinds and they all hate him but they dont. He is VERY popular and even has a girlfriend.

Hi Erica,
It�s very nice of you to be genuinely concerned about your friend. Well, you could try talking to him and find out what exactly is his problem. Don�t force him, though! But you could find a suitable instance to talk to him. You may not be in a position to solve his problem, but that�s not a problem! Your friend is going to feel a lot better by just powering out his problems to you. Being a good listener is all you got to be. I�m sure your friend will be OK. Best of luck!

369.
Name:Amy
City:Massachusetts
Sex :Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 30 2003 / 23:02:15
Amy's Problem:
I've been depressed for over 2 years now. I have not sought help or expressed my feelings to my parents. I have a lot of friends...but all are at least 2 years older than I. My ex-bf is where my problems started...i started being suicidal and would cry all the time. Then, i thought it was just being so young and being upset over a breakup...but it never stopped. I've spent the last two years, feeling unhappy. I have a good home life and social life, but i was still unhappy. I am alone, and I don't know who to run to for help anymore. These past few months...I cry myself to sleep every night. I have suicidal thoughts. I stay awake until 4 or 5 in the morning, just crying and listening to music and drawing to express my feelings. Friends show concern, saying they ar ethere for me...but that doesnt help me. I dont want to tell my parents I need to see a doctor or professional...and I can't afford a psychologist on my own, I just dont know what to do...I need to do something...please help.

Hi Amy,
The first thing I went to tell you is that, suicide is not a solution to anything. You would just miss out on something very precious life. Nothing is as worthy as your own life.
You need to move on from the break-up. You must understand that your relationship broke up because either of you or both of you made a wrong choice, and the reason is just inexperience. Understand that you are still young, you are going to enter into college life, come across new people and surrounding. Things are going to change. You are going to chose your dreams and ambitions and build a career. You must understand that having a boyfriend is good, but not having one is certainly not bad. Time is the answer.
You are blessed to have understanding friends who offer to listen to you. All of us go through low moments in our lives. The happier ones are those who fight out of their problems. You must talk to your friends and let them know what�s happening. You are going to feel a lot better. When you have written to me, you can talk it out the same way to a close friend of yours. Its really going to help you. Don�t close all the doors and lock yourself. It does no good.
Divest yourself. Indulge in lobbies, learn new things. Socialize, and may be you could join a group or something, and meet new people. Move on, you have to help yourself out you have to give yourself a life. There is no external solution to this. You must make a change and initiate things. As I already said, talk to people! Good luck Amy!

368.
Name:April
City:Mansfield
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 30 2003 / 03:44:41
April's Problem:
I used to be very, very close to a guy I'll call "Jordan". Jordan and I were as close as a guy and girl can get without going out, and we told each other everything. A new girl named "Jessica" came to our school, and Jordan and Jessica started going out. Jessica is in our grade, and I am starting to be friends with her. Jordan and I started drifting in our friendship, and I really miss the way things used to be. The memories of better times between us make me cry every time. I've tried talking to him, but he just says that I was used to having his attention 24/7, and now I'm just having problems adjusting. We've been through too much to just let our friendship slide, but what can I do to get him back? This is really making me seriously depressed

Hi April,
There�s one thing about relationships. Every relationship is unique and one cannot substitute the other. You still mean the same to Jordan and there�s no doubt about that. You just need to be a little more mature. You must give Jordan his space. That does not mean you are letting your friendship go.
Jordan is probably too excited about his new girlfriend and has his senses filled with her. It is just a phase. The friendship that you both share is certainly irreplaceable! Don�t you worry. Good luck !

367.
Name: Samantha
City:South Windsor
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 28 2003 / 22:35:50
Samantha's Problem:
Hi, my friend and I both like the same boy. Though he knows her better and he does not know that we like him. We have both liked him and I told her that I did and she was upset. Should I ask him out? Or wait until she doesn't like him anymore? Help!!

Hi Samantha,
Just get to know the guy better. This is the firststep. See if you still like him. Take your time. There is no hurry. If your friend clicks first wish her luck and you move on. This is not the end of life or the end of opportunity. You may say it is love and you cannot love anyone else. I would not answer this, time would! Good luck.

366.
Name:Nicolle
City:San Fransico
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 28 2003 / 02:30:04
Nicolle's Problem:
Ok, Im not sure how to start this but ok. My main problem is my parents. They don't trust me or something. I have had this boyfriend for over a year and they seem to be trying to pull me away from him. I had my own phone line, which I talked to him on, but they recently just took it out. (My boyfriend & I live 20 mins away so its long distance) My boyfriend would call me on this with his cell phone because he got free mintues after 9. Now since my parents took it away, I can't talk to him. I also just got a job which has been taking up a lot of time. Basketball is a very big thing that also I do every day, so I feel my dad is trying to break us up.It's hard to see my boyfriend when we don't drive and we live in different cities. My mom doesn't say anything to me, she just goes with my dad. I always want to talk to someone about all this, but i just moved to a new school last year so my friends are really cool but i dont feel like that close yet. And my old frien ds, well they are gone basically. So that leaves my boyfriend as my best friend. But i can't even talk to him or see him because I'm too busy or can't talk on the phone because of my parents. I am just confused on what to do. Thank you for listening. ~nbball10@yahoo.com

Hi Nicolle,
you have a really interesting and healthy schedule!
Well, you just need to be practical and accept the situation. You know you can�t speak our phone or drive to his city. You have cribbed enough about that and its time for alternatives. I can only think of e-mails. Think about it, that should work for you. You are in a new school. Enjoy your new company, make friends and have fun. Good luck!

365.
Name:Rachel
City:Albion
Sex :Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 26 2003 / 19:24:29
Rachel's Problem:
My neighbor did some stuff to me that I felt scard about. I want to now if i should tell someone or just keep quiet?

Hi Rachel,
Well, I have no clue as to what your neighbor has done. I think you are old enough and as a responsible, smart person you must talk to your mom or dad regarding this. Good luck!

364.
Name:Promila
City:Melbourne
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 25 2003 / 12:12:56
Promila's Problem:
I have an anger problem I intend to get really angry over nothing and I don't now how to controll it.And My parents put me down By blaming me for everything and always scolding me. It hurts me.I also have stress on my schooling and Im not doing so well in my report but i try hard and my parents get upset.I also am very sensetive and take thing that people say to me very seriousley.Please help me and come up with a solution so I can finaly cope.
Thanks

Hi Promila,
In a vast majority of cases, anger comes out of insecurity and lack of self-confidence. This has been my observation from self and people around.
Anger is not just yelling and throwing things. Its more than that, with greater depth. One must stop to listen to his anger patterns, may be white down your observations and think about it. The first step, is however, to be true to yourself and make impartial judgments, when you make are analysis. You could make a simple analysis with parameters like how many times you are angry in a day, for what reasons, what angers you the most, etc. you could add your own parameters and make a proper record. In the end you would know yourself better. Believe me most of us know very little about ourselves, and an exercise like this is very enlightening. From the observations you are made, you can draw certain conclusions. For example, what angers you the most. And you could work on a solution. For example, I will not lose my temper more than 5 times today. You could have a progressive solution.
You would for example find you get angry, the most in math�s class, because you may be weak at it and you yell, to put up a wall around you, lest amazing discoveries you can make and it is a very meaningful and resourceful exercise to know yourself. You would learn how to manage yourself and conquer your weaknesses.
Develop the good habit of letting go feelings of hurt and envy and jealously. Learn to forgive yourself and others. Be easy on your nerves. Develop optimism, that�s going to take you a long ways and boost your confidence level. Laziness may be a problem for you. Work on it and get over that evil factor.
Give these things a thought. Good luck Promila!

363.
Name:Tammy
City:Nashville
Sex :Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 24 2003 / 01:28:42
Tammy's Problem:
I had problems with parents. One is sexually immoral and the other stopped speaking to me over minor isssues. They have other major problems including divorce, etc.. Therefore, I moved to another state with children and a husband. I had great hopes. After being there a year. Things just started happening. My husband asked women out to lunch. He also had 2 wrecks in one month. I wasn't rehired on my job due to my not passing a test by one point. My children stayed sick. The people were not nice and very discriminatory. We also were turn down for a loan on a house because I was not rehired and could not sale our house in another state. No, we haven't found a church home. So I feel I am being forced to go back to the previous state and really don't want to because I would have to deal with my parents and also sister who refuses to help me with my children. She doesn't have any. Plus my parents were high profile when alot of things went down. Thus the public gossips. My father remarried to a rivalry woman of mine who is younger than two of his children, and he is a pastor. What a scandel. He has done something similar to this many many times before. What advice can anyone possibly give me. I'm broke. No money. No money. No money. With the way it looks, I won't get any inheritance from any parent either, since one is not speaking and bitter, and the other remarried to a, oh did I mention younger woman! :) Help!

Hi Tammy,
People often find their strengths in weakest moments of their lives. Times like these demand an extreme sense of optimism you need to hope for the best from the bottom of your heart, and not give up. Go beyond obvious logic, that�s where optimism lies. Have faith on your abilities. Have faith in God.
Think of not the past, but the future. You lost your job by one point after all! That does not mean nobody else would hire you. To initially get moving, try and get some job. Don�t be rigid. Or you could approach a good friend to lend you some money and you could start a small business. The options are endless, I know what I mean by �options are endless�, yes!
Tammy, just be brave and push yourself leave no stone unturned. Remember, you need to try, only then would things happen you can�t write yourself off! Remember there two things that Robert Schuler said:
1. Tough times never last, tough people do.
2. God�s delays are not God�s denials.
Be brave Tammy. Good Luck and God Bless you!

362.
Name:?????(...email id is skater_kid_***)
City:London
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 23 2003 / 20:00:03
?????'s Problem:
im moving house and skool and my parents are splitting up i cant cope with it. ihave been cutting myself really badly and been taking pills i don't know what to do as i dont see the point in living, please help

Hi ?????,
You have not seen what life is and how can you end it? There are a lot of us here in this world with divorced parents and do you think every kid needs to take pills and cut him or herself?
We all face difficult situation and we must face it with courage. It is just a phase, a passing cloud. Accept the situation and see how best you can handle it. You have wonderful ambitions about your career and life. Come on! You know you want to achieve all that. So don�t be narrow minded. Be more optimistic. Get moving. Extraordinary people are made out of extraordinary circumstances. Don�t give up, be brave. Good Luck!

361.
Name:Marina
City:Dubai, UAE
Sex :??
Age :??
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 23 2003 / 12:11:57
Marina's Problem:
hi, my name is marina, i have a huge problem i'd like to solve, im 15 years old, and all my friends are around 20 or above... anyways, i usually go out with them and drink loads of alcohol.. but i dont know what to tell my mom. they are very strict so i usually tell them im goin to the movies, but i always have to come back home around 12 so i havent got enough time to hang around with my mates. I really want to go out with them, cos although im only 15 i dont behave or act as a 15 year older...
What shall i do?

Hi Marina,
Your parents seem to be liberal. They let you come home as late as 12 midnight?
I suggest you interact more with friends of your age and friends who have good habits. You are too young to do what a 20+ individual does. Good luck!

360.
Name:Sammi
City:Plano
Sex :Female
Age :11
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 22 2003 / 18:45:04
Sammi's Problem:
This girl, Briana, is supposed to be my best friend. I have practically given my life to her. Her and I get along fine except for recently. We get into fights a lot now, and when her step sister comes into town, Briana treats me like ****. I've tried telling her how it feels when she hurts me, but she just doesn't understand. Plus I, for some reason, am like addicted to her. What am I supposed to do?

Hi Sammi,
Every friendship sees ups and down. That�s how true friendship exists. If you�ve never had an argument with a close friend, perhaps you or your friend have never been true with your emotions.
When you fight with a true friend you learn several things like compromising, patience and tolerance. You get to know each other better. You learn how not to hurt one�s ego. You learn about forgiving. All these seem very theoretical at the first instance but one would find real meaning in them when you put it to practice.
Your friend�s step sister certainly deserves attention from her. If Brianna treats you badly or insults you, I think you must let her know how you feel, i.e. a more polite manner. Never do the same back to her in order to �teach her a lesson�. It would just worsen the situation and make this endless. Try your best to keep up the wonderful friendship that you are blessed with. Good luck!

359.
Name:Ice Princezz
City:Dallas
Sex :Female
Age :11
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 22 2003 / 18:07:55
Ice's Problem:
Well I have known this guy since I was in 1st grade. (Now I'm in 6th) He's been my best friend since about the middle of 4th grade. He always came to my house, we talked on the phone and computer, and we were really close. Well, I fell in love with him and just recently (2 nights ago) I told him how I felt. I had told him this before, but then later on I told him that I was kidding. I don't know if he feels the same way about me though. He had always stood up for me. He was always there when I had a problem. I loved him like my brother, like a best friend, and I now I love him for real. Plus, I don't know how to find out if he likes me. I know he won't tell me if he did. How do I find out?

Hi Ice,
I just think you are being very hasty. It is natural to fall in love with someone who has been a good friend for a long time. There�s nothing wrong in it. But the fact is that you both have lots of things left in life, to accomplish, at least until you are 17 or 18 years old. You would have developed a better sense of judgment, and would be more balanced and mature to take up a decision like this. Until then keep your friendship alive and let time have a say!
I may sound too logical or practical although it�s a �matter of the heart�; but I guess you just need to do that at some points of time. Good luck!

358.
Name:Sam
City:NYC
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 21 2003 / 22:07:52
Sam's Problem:
Hello, and thank you very much for taking the time and effort to answer this problem. Let me introduce myself. My name is Sam, and I am 13 years of age. I am having a problem with relationships with boys. Almost a year ago, the boy I had been crushing on for years suddenly decided to hate me. This sounds very weird, but we were once very good friends, and I beleive at one point he liked me as well. The reason he turned on me so suddenly is simple. I was overdoing it. I'd always call him up and tell him to come over. We were 11 years old at the time. This was after we were in different schools, so, basically, me calling him and telling him to come over was my only excuse to see him. I know he did not particularly like these visits, so I made them short and not very often. Other times I would suggest other activities - like going to the movies with a group of friends. So, he wouldn't be stuck at my house, bored, and I would still be able to see him. I also talked to him online, ALOT, I mean, like every single time he was on. I cant exactly blame it all on him, because I admit, as I look back on how I acted, I WAS annoying. I wish he wasn't so harsh though... just Instant Messaging me outta no where and saying "i hate you." I learned alot from that mistake. I really did. This March, I started liking another guy. I was not friends with him, and from the past experience, I was much more careful with what I said to him. I talked to him online, but, also, tried to find something he was interested in so I was not making it seem like the only reason I talked to him was because I liked him. I noticed he was not interested in me. I was fine with that, but I did enjoy talking to him. Lately, after he graduated my school (he is one year older than me, in the 8th grade) we have not talked as much as we used to. One of my friends gave me another one of his screen names, but he does not know I know this screen name, so I ref use to IM him on it because I am afraid of making a total fool of myself. He has not been on his regular screen name in a long time, and has been going on the one I am not supposed to know about. I'm beginning to fear it is because of me IMing him. I do not know how likely this is, however. The computer is the only way I can talk to him now, since I am not really good friends with him and cannot see him in school anymore, either. I am interested in other boys, but I'm afraid of heartbreak all over again. Can you please help me? I dont want to have the same problem!

Hi Sam,
The first thing you need to understand is that you cannot horce a relationship to happen. If a guy, for whatever reason does not want to get into a relationship with you, its fine! If you think you can convince him into a relationship, well, it may work for a while and not forever! The other thing you need to understand is that finding a boyfriend is not an emergency issue. Take it easy. First of all be confident and optimistic. You are going to have a boyfriend!
Now, its good that you have realized your problem with the way you have behaved in the past. And, you must know it is really pointless to chat with this senior, on the net, when you don�t disclose your true identity. After all you would want someone to like you, and not the other screen-name person. So, get back to senses and get moving on.
Concentrate on your ambitions, your career, etc. Develop your self � confidence. If a guy did not like you in the past, that not a general opinion if every other guy around! You are sure to find a guy! Good luck!

357.
Name:Kyla
City:Jackson
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 21 2003 / 04:49:55
Kyla's Problem:
i'm a shy girl and have a crush on a guy. now for me that's a problem b/c i can't drag out the courage to talk to him. what's your advice? how can i get that courage out?

Hi Kyla,
The first hurdle is your shy nature. You are 15, and it�s the right age to start changing your ways. You must give yourself opportunities to overcome shyness. Remember, only you can help yourself. So, every time you get an opportunity to talk in public, on the stage, in the class, or get to meet new people, grab the opportunity. Push yourself. Its only the ice-breaking, and later you would be comfortable. Be more interactive in your class, and share responsibilities and be initiative. Nobody is going to pull you down or something. Breathe easy!
About this guy, you first need to know him, and talk to him, if you haven�t yet done that. Take your time, don�t be hasty. Good luck!

356.
Name:Erin
City:Coleman
Sex :Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 20 2003 / 20:15:31
Erin's Problem:
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and he has cheated on me a couple of times. Everytime we break up we miss each other alot and when one of us gets into another relationship with someone else we can't last long with them because we are still not over each other. It hurts me when he cheats on me and I have never cheated on him. We have even talked about marriage but I can't accept that until I know things will change. The reason why he is the way he is because his dad used to cheat on his mom and then they would seperate and then get back together and then he'd cheat and the cycle would start all over again. I think the only thing that will save this relationship is counseling but its so expensive. Can you please help me?

Hi Erin,
I think you need to think for yourself.You alone know the magnitude of his atrocities!And you need to decide based on your past experiences.You obviously cant live peacefully if this is the way things are going to be in your relationship.You dont deserve such a return when you have been sincere and faithful.I think its time you think about yourself too.If your boyfriend is incorrigible,theres no point seeing him anymore.You need to work on your weaknesses and move on.You dont have to subject yourself to a heartbreak every now and then!Good luck!

355.
Name:Sean
City:Hillsboro
Sex :Male
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 20 2003 / 02:34:21
Sean's Problem:
Sigh, i need un bias help, this doesnt really relate to school so i dont know if u can help but ill shoot for it anyway. My Parents control my life. They wont let me experience and live it for my own, i am always expected to do things the way THEY think is best. They do not like my girlfriend but they havnt directly stated that.. however if they did like her i would expect them to treat her with more respect. Im only 16 but i am in love with my girlfriend.. the two of us have agreed that we both do not want to have sex until marrige.. we have not spoken about getting married to eachother but we just mean we are waiting. I spend a lot of time over at her place like every second that i can. because i do NOT like being at home. My parents are always naging at me, or attacking me about somthing in my life ( even things im exeptional at like my soccer [im on the best team in the state, the state select team, and the olympic development team]) it seems like th ey do this just to control me.. if you could post some help and then we could keep in touch via email if further needed. thank you a bundle, i really need help this is killing me and my relationship... its not ganna end my relationship but its still hurting it... thanks u again!

Hi Sean,
If I could, I want to personally congratulate you for your stand on sex before marriage. Truly appreciate that. You must stick to your way! About your parents controlling your life, well, that�s what parents are there for. You seem to be pretty stable in your thoughts. Going by that I�d advice you to take a mature look at what your parents are doing. You know you can�t change their way. So you could work out methods to reduce the friction. Just give up a little bit of ego, and be a little more broadminded to compromise wherever you can. You need to understand what I am saying. I don�t mean you or they, are right a generalized view on that. I am only trying to help reduce the friction. After all, that�s all you need. Be confident and futuristic. Then you wont be insecure about anything. Plan out your career, your personal life and work on it. Don�t let your parents nagging affect your big plans. After all they�re your parents. You need to look at the big picture and get going. Be brave! Of course you can keep in touch with me. Any further correspondence is welcome. Good luck Sean!

354.
Name:Mindy
City:Hebron
Sex :Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting: Jun 17 2003 / 15:00:27
Mindy's Problem:
Ok my problem is that I got in a car wreck and had x-rays. Now I have not had my period for alittle over a month. I think I am pregant. I told the guy and we are trying to find out what to do. Theres another problem his ex is trying to get in the picture and might want to get back with him. See and this guy to my is like my best friend. He has been for the last 4-5 years. What should me and him do? I'm so scared. Thanks for your time. Oh by the way this guy is 18 going to be 19 in september.

Hi Mindy,
There�s one thing about past experience. Never repent. Learn from it. Learn to forgive yourself first and get over any kind of bitterness with yourself or anybody else. All of us commit mistakes, but few of us learn from it and give it a positive turn. Mindy, I think you know how to go about it now. About your pregnancy, weigh out various issues and come to a decision. Talk to your guy regarding his ex-girlfriend and sort it out. Good luck!

353.
Name:Ynes
City:Lynn, Mass
Sex :Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 12 2003 / 00:22:47
Ynes's Problem:
my parents always send me back and forth to eachother and i tried to get my GED and get a job but they always send me back and forth. my mother puts me down all the time and so does my father. he uses alot of alcohol and alot of drugs and they abuse me emotionally. i want to leave and be on my own i have a place to stay and everything but i'm really really scared of what'll happen if they find me because my father is very strict and he has a temper. i often feel like suicide is the only way out. is there any legal way i could leave home without their consent?

Hi Ynes,
Until you are economically independent by means of a proper job or you are off to college,you really cant do much about running away,etc.You only can talk to your dad and mum about what you are going through.i am sure you must have done this before but only you know how things exactly things work and see if you can make a compromise somewhere atleast to avoid the storm at home.It may be a little hard to you but its better than having them pounce on you unduly.I would ask you to muster courage and face the challenges at home with more courage.Set goals for your life and start working towards them.You could talk to your teacher at school and get some assurance.It does make a lot of difference and give you emotional comfort when you express your problems to someone around you in your immediate society.A regular schedule of meditation would bring you much peace.Good Luck Ynes!

352.
Name:Tara
City:Monroe
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 10 2003 / 02:36:58
Tara's Problem:
Well...I am a very popular girl at my school, athletic, and a cheerleader...I don't have any problems with boys liking me but about 2 months ago I met a boy that lives 1 hour away and he is most definitely not the type of boy that I am used to going out with and comes from a totally different background than me. I started going out with him and after about 2 weeks my mom made me break it off and I cried for days. Well, I haven't talked to him in a long time and he just called the other day. We talked for an hour and all those feelings came back (I don't think they ever left). I have gone out with alot of people, mostly preps but this guy is what some people label as white trash and they keep saying I am way to good for him. I just can't see that, he is the only person that I have ever been able to just be myself. I wish I did not like him so much because I don't like to dissapoint my mom but I really have such strong feelings that I just cannot get over. I also don't want my reputation ruined...just really confused...my friends that have met him are just blown away that I could give this boy the time of day...I dunno what to do...just can't stop thinking about him...his smile, his laugh, riding four wheeler with him...everything about him. You know how you see a couple that just does not seem to go together? That would be us...o well, hope you can give me a little advice and thanks more than ever for just letting me talk about it!!!!

Hi Tara,
I would ask you not to make a decision at the moment.Let things cool down a little.Theres really no pressing emergency that it has to be now or never.Just be patient.things would become clear to you.Your mind is like a disturbed pond at the moment which is all hazy and unclear.So you need to let things settle down till you can see things clearly.time would definitely sort things out in the form of events.So be patient and give time a chance.Try working on controlling your feelings.Have a positive attitude and approach to it and feel confident.You would certainly find peace.Good luck!

351.
Name:Nick
City:MN
Sex :Male
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 09 2003 / 23:20:07
Nick's Problem:
Okay, well you have probably never heard this one before; I just graduated from high school (just barely) and I am trying to get my life straight. As far as vehicles go my dad has done alot for my being i'm on my fifth car already. So my dad is going to help me out again seeing I start college in a month and a half and will need reliable transportation. My insurance is pretty high since i have a speeding ticket and a careless driving charge. Well I'll just say I got a little crazy after graduation and I went and got a ticket for drinking and driving, I can't bear to tell my dad because it will kill him, he has been through alot and now he wants to buy me a car, I have been in some trouble but I mean well and this is just killin me inside, what do I do?

Hi Nick,
Theres only one way out and it may sound too ideal.But its the only way to peace and avoid further hell.Yes,you need to tell your dad about what happened and assure him and promise him of your sanity in future.Good Luck!

350.
Name:Widya Tan
City:??
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 09 2003 / 12:33:36
Widya's Problem:
I may sound kind of stupid but I have this huge problem in school. Okay, there is this couple, A and B, they are love birds together. One day, this boy calls me up and tells me that B likes me. So I intended to tell A that her boyfriend was cheating on her. I didn't even tell her my name. But she knew it was me and thought that I was showing off. So she told all of my "friends" that I was a bitch and they ignored me. Then today, my guy friend and I were chatting, and my connection got cut off. So when I logged on again, I said sorry. He somehow got this idea that I liked him. And he told me that I had better change my additude and that I better stop throwing myself at people. He got angry because he is a good friend of A, and he thinks I am a total bitch. But how could A talk behind my back? When she had no friends because nobody liked her, I talked to her. When she was lonely, I cared for her. Now she even set up a poll about what friendship means. She does not even know the slightest idea what friendship means. At first I thought she would be happy that I told her and that she would break up with him because he was cheating on her. But she got the wrong idea and she is now turning my whole world upside down. I have no friends, except for some, I am lonely and I am depressed. Am I a bitch or do I have the wrong type of friends?

Hi Widya,
Well,first fo all you need to stop having doubts about who you are.You know your intentions were straight and decent.If people get you wrong,then I think time would tell them what you actually are.You need to be mature enough to get through your "testing time".You need to speak to your best friend and make things clear to her in a polite way,and try your best to smoothen things out.I think that should really do some help to your friendship.Also you need to stop using that b-word which is totally exaggerating the situation and giving it a totally wrong dimension and is confusing even you in the end!As far as the guy friend is concerened,well if he cant get things straight,then its his problem.He'd just be losing a good friend.You really dont need to have any strong emotions towards him(..especially some sort of abhorance,which is likely in this case).Just leave it,and he'd eventually get you right.You need to feel confident about yourself,and have more selfrespect and be more easy on yourself and like yourself.Things would automticlly become fine.Good Luck!

349.
Name:Amber
City:Richardson
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 09 2003 / 04:00:51
Amber's Problem:
My mom and I have never really gotton along very well for the majority of my life. The only thing is that she is only "mean" to me when my friends are over. So of course they think my mom is horrible/abusive. My mom might even hit me or physically harm me in front of my friends, but never when we are alone. She is a completely different person when we are alone. She is loving and compassionate. I do love her... but how can I love the person she is ALL the time? I don't have any idea of what to do . Please help.
Thanks.
-Amber

Hi Amber,
I dont know if you have really sat down and told your mom politely that it hurts you more than just physically when she hits you when your friends are around.You must try doing that.In the end you know your mom is supportive and compassionate.You dont really need to convince ALL your friends about what she means to you.You could try discussing with a close friend of yours regarding the nice nature of your mother,and make yourself comfortable.Good Luck!

348.
Name:Lindsay
City:New York
Sex :Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 08 2003 / 21:24:32
Lindsay's Problem:
ok...hi my name is lindsay and i am really confused with my life right now.....you see ok well there is this guy who i really like and we never have offically gone out but we hook up alot. and i really like him.. but then there is this other guy in my grade and we are really good friends and flirt alot. but i really really like him and i feel like he is boyfriend material. but my problem is i dont no if he feels the same way about me. i mean when im with him we are always flirting and we have hooked up twice. but i really dont no what to do. becasue i feel at this point in my life its time for me to settle down with one guy. and i feel he is the one. but i really dont no i get mized singals from him,but also if i go out with him i dont want to lose my other guy. but its the same thing with him. i have no clue if he likes me or not. but i dont no which guy to choice. or which one wants to choice me. i would rather paul (whhich is the one in my grade) just becasue that would mean a longer realtionship. but please help me with my confusion. thanks lindsay

Hi Lindsay,
Well,first you need to understand theres no hurry..no one is pointing a shotgun at you and asking you to pick one of the guys.You need to be patient and wait till things become clear to you beyond the obvious and you get to know who means whIt would be worth the experimentation and wait to come to a sane a nd right conclusion.So do not hurry things up.Be confident and patient.Good luck Lindsay!

347.
Name:Anish Prabhakar
City:Ranchi
Sex :Male
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 06 2003 / 14:33:51
Anish's Problem:
i have given CET-2003.i wish to know as to where i would find the answers of the questions asked in the exams on internet.

Hi Anish,
You can contact a good friend of mine,Mr.Arindam Barua (www.cetinformation.com) and get to know the inforamtion that are looking for.Perhaps you could do an internet search on google.com and find a solution to your problem.Good Luck!

346.
Name:Kayla
City:Plainfeild
Sex :Male
Age :7
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 04 2003 / 01:42:57
Kayla's Problem:
i got a note from my principle and i ripped it up and my parents need to sign it

Hi Kayla,
I think this must have served as a good lesson to never act impulsively in the future. Be honest, and tell your parents about what happened. Good luck!

345.
Name:Kayla Marie Henry
City:NYC(New York City)
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 03 2003 / 18:19:39
Kayla's Problem:
My problem is that I am depressed. And I cant do anything about it. I need help because I just might kill myself anyday now. I have tried before. I just need serious help. I have spoken to a school counselor and a social worker but it seems as if nothing changes. I never feel like I can accomplish anything. I always feel lonely or that I want to be alone. My eating habits have changed, I eat very little now. I sleep a lot. I dont want to do anything anymore. And I'm always lazy. The things that I used to enjoy I lost interest in them. I have been drinking and smoking now. I'm not doing all that great in school. I dont even like school. I always had an attitude but its gotten worst. And I have very low self esteem. I never really thought I was pretty.I just need a lot of help and advice.

Hi Kayla,
I first want you to do a self-analysis. Start off from the period when you�ve started feeling low. What has been troubling you since then think for yourself. You know you have not always been like this.
Tune yourself to look beyond small worries and problems. They are, even the biggest of them, are not going to last forever. So, be a little broad minded and easy on yourself and start looking at the bigger picture of your life. Think about your career ambitions. Pursue a hobby or two. Do some regular physical exercise, may be just a 2-mile jog to start with. This is the first step to rid you of your laziness. Learn to be more punctual. Punctuality breeds briskness and your laziness would be gone in a short while. You must understand that it is for you to make things happen. Nothing good will come by unless you make an attempt to do something. It does not matter even if you start off in a small ways your laziness, success, happiness, social life, and peace are all interlinked! None of them can work as stand-alone entities, and they cannot work in opposite ways. Remember, the solution is in you. Love yourself and get back to business and make your life!
Smoking and drinking are not solutions to anything. I�m sure it must have worsened your problems. So, you know what to do with that habit now! There is no absolute truth in the fact that you are not pretty! You must realize this. Being a winner in life is more important. And you must know that beauty is in the beholder�s eyes. It is your personality as a whole that matters. Think big! Good luck!

344.
Name:Titan
City:Bangalore
Sex :Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 03 2003 / 06:50:42
Titan's Problem:
Hello.I had visited this site before.I got my 2nd PU results.My marks are as follows-
physics-95
chemistry-89
mathematics-91
biology-81
english-92
sanskrit-87.
I had performed biology examination "the best".I had not concentrated on mathematics.I thought I would score better in biology, chemistry and physics. Thank you for the advice you had given me a month ago regarding time management.But I am very sorry to tell you that very soon I fell ill.Only 2 weeks before the cet exam I recovered.I performed the cet and the St.John's exams (that I had taken up) pretty well.I am afraid that I will not be able to get into a good medical college.I am very good at mayhematics.I had scored 98% and 99% in 10th std and 1st year PU, respectively.But this time I was very keen on getting into medical field.Is there a chance for me to do M.B.B.S course?

Hi Titan,
Well,sometimes we do not really realize our mistakes....and your Biology paper may have been one such example.However that doesnt mean you are less!You know you put your best..and you ned to congratulate yourself for that.Dont be very harsh on yourself...dont have a grudge on yourself.You are your best friend!
Your marks in PCB are definitely good.Now it all depends on how well you have performed in CET!Going by your consistency you do have chances of a decent rank in Biology stream,well as I said it all depends on your CET performance.
With engineering as an option too you have a bright chance to fall well within 1.5K ranking.Well my estimate is based on your consistency in CET too.
Now you are the best judge because you have written CET and know how well you have performed. Good Luck!

343.
Name:Racheal
City:Liverpool in England
Sex :Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 02 2003 / 19:42:51
Racheal's Problem:
Dear Vijai
Thank you for taking the time to read my problem i understand you are very busy! well i will just get to the point, i have been with my boyfriend for 3 happy years and every thing has been great untill now. I have recently caught him flirting with his ex girlfriend (who is gorgeous, funny and wild- every thing i am not) and when i confronted him about it he said he was just being freindly and i was being paranoid. I am not paranoid, several of my friends and his have also commented on his behaviour since the incident. I dont know what to do, he has always told me since the day we got together that he loves me, but i just cant understand how he can truely love me if he is intrested in some one else. I know this is selfish but i hate the fact that he could be thinking about another woman. I dont know how to react anymore, i'm not sure whether its best for me to pretend i dont care every time her name is mentioned or get angrey and upset to show that i do care. please help.
Rach

Hi Racheal,
You just need to be a little mature. You don�t have to be upset or angry �every time he mentions her name�. You perhaps need to talk to him about his stand and you must be bold enough to face the facts. Understand that no relationship can last long if there is no mutual trust. So, take your time, don�t be hasty. This would help you come to a decision. If the guy thinks he needs to break with you, well there is no point holding him back. Perhaps you both ran into a relationship too fast. But you need to understand that this is not the end of life. You need to get going. The next time you know you will not make a wrong choice. Be it anything you must talk to your guy. In any relationship, both should be willing to take their union forward, or else it is a waste of time. It is just hard luck! Not the end of change or love-life for either of them. Good luck!

342.
Name:Pamela
City:Comstock Park
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:Jun 01 2003 / 07:30:39
Pamela's Problem:
My friend Lindsay and I got into this huge fight.She was being really mean to my long time best best friend Delia. I yelled at her and told her you don't treat people like that and now we are no longer friends. Do you think that I made the right decision? I think she's been acting like this cuz her friend Tammi has been mean to Delia and until then Lindsay had never been mean to Delia. I lost another friend in this fight. Jason is like a puppy dog, he follows Lindsay's actions and body language to know how to act around her(I think he likes her). Should I tell him he's being a puppy dog and maybe he'll realize it. Thanks for listining I hope to hear from you.
Pamela~

Hi Pamela,
There is one thing about friends in life. Never lose them. Each friend is unique and is perhaps a reflection of a part of our own personality. No one is perfect. With time you must take things in the right perspective.
Your message to Lindsay was right, if she was being mean to your friend Delia. See if you can talk it out and you can all be friends again. Just a little bit of compromise would suffice. Good luck!

341.
Name:Kayla Sanderson
City:Greenball
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:May 31 2003 / 23:56:34
Kayla's Problem:
There is this girl. She's my friend. She is always playing really mean and extreme tricks on me, but i joked with her a few times by calling her a loser and she got extremely mad! I apologized, and I tried to make up with her. She said she forgave me. Now, a few days later, she says that she is mad at me again! I have not talked to her face to face, but she told someone she was mad at me and that person told me. Now what do I do?

Hi Kayla,
You cannot base a friendship on a third person�s words. It is for you and your friend to directly talk and sort it out. Do that now! Good luck Kayla!

340.
Name:Sonja
City:Calgary
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:May 31 2003 / 20:40:34
Sonja's Problem:
Alright so lets just call these people Person A and Person B Both these people have been bestfriends for several years now.. Person B has always looked down upon herself, gets into trouble and doesn't seem to keep her life on track, always depended on others to guide her on the right path in life.. Person A was always there to pick up the pieces for her even if it meant getting in trouble for her faults. An event recently happened that Person B wanted to commit suicide because of a breakup.. Person A stopped Person B from wat was about to happen. But after this event, Person A came to a realization that she was sick and tired of getting into trouble from her, wanted to quit holding Person B's hand and also wanted her to grow-up, to not depend on others all the time for situations where she can deal with by herself using common sense. In Junior High both these people were very close and Person A used to be very laid back and it was all about fun 24/7 with Person B. Now ever since highschool started Person A has been serious about schoolwork and concentrating on important priorities. She now wants Person B to growup ever since the sucidial event and both people haven't been talking much because of the situation. Person A says that if Person B wants to save their friendship SHE is the one who will have to pick up the right pieces and make it work for her and their friendship... I just met these people this year and I want them to start talking again and become good friends like they used to be, but what should I do or say to them to save this friendship?

Hi Sonja,
It is really nice of you to be so concerned about A & B�s friendship.
Well, A�s thinking is right. But needs to do what he/she is doing i.e. a gradual way. A cannot expect B to grow up all of a sudden. B needs time and A should continue to be by B�s side. Slowly A should help B grow up. A�s sudden cut off will not help B in anyway.
So, you could help A rethink his / her stand in this issue, and help save their friendship. Good luck!

339.
Name:Shalu
City:Bangalore,India
Sex :Male
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:May 29 2003 / 14:56:12
Shalu's Problem:
my problem is that i loose confidence very easily.In front of any new problem or situation i face i feel like running away .I always try to be on the safe side like not taking risk.When i encounter any new situation or problem i run to my parents which i think is a safe haven for me, although they r very encouraging always eager to help me, very supportive.Why i anticipate unreal fear & imagine strange situations is unknown to me.But among my friends and others i am known as a strong person.I have always excel in whatever i do like academics but my heart beats like drum in new situations.Like for example now i have got addmission in a reputed institute for MBA in some other place but i m afraid of living alone on my own.I afraid the kind of problems i might have to face there like living alone in hostel,ragging or misbehaviour or bullying by other guys ,as i have never lived alone away from my parents ,and in the institute i will have to remain from 8am to 9pm how i will manage that.
pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeze help me, i desperately need your help.

Hi Shalu,
Well,having forsight and being cautious is indeed a boon.But when you over do it,it definitely robs your peace and confidence.
The first step to getting rid of your problem is to develop a positive mental attitude.this would help you tackle problems in a better way and in a more efficient way when you expect a positive result in whatever you do.You have almost got into a habit of thinking negatively about your future.As I already said being cautious is fine but you know you are over doing it...your peace of mind stands proof of that!
You need to change your habit...wish for positive things and most of the time things would turn out good.Its all in the head.For example if you think you are going to be ragged and bullied by new people in your college,you will be!On the other hand if you think its not going to be a big deal and that you can mannage it easily,well this attitude would definitely take you a long way.Your internal dialogue is very important..what you tell yourself is very important.So you need to gradually work on a habit of positive outlook,you need to constantly tell yourself you can mannage and tackle things.Begin to first like yourself...be your own friend.
By all this I dont mean you need to be totally independent of your parent sor others..but you know the thin line I am talking about!Its just a matter of time,and slowly an cumulatively every small experience will add to your confidence..and you will soon stand tall!But you ned to remember that it is you who has to deliberately make a change,nothing would happen on its own...you have to change your thinking habit and you have to make an attempt.Be patient and confident.Good Luck!

338.
Name:Kelley
City:Georgia
Sex :Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:May 28 2003 / 21:10:08
Kelley's Problem:
I've been a very shy person all of my life. I don't really have any friends and that's been okay up until this year. I just finished my sophomore year of high school and I'm tired of being quiet--I want to become outgoing. The problem is, I get really nervous around people because I'm scared I'll look stupid. I always tell myself that I'll talk to people at school and church, but I end up being quiet as always. How can I become more outgoing??

Hi Kelley,
Well, you cannot change yourself completely on a single day. You must try to understand this fact first.
You can only gradually change your nature, and you must incrementally work on this. You must only slowly raise your confidence level. Don�t set huge targets as addressing a crowd of 1000 people. You cannot do it in the first shot. But in the end it just amounts to failure and it pulls your confidence lower, each time. So, you must follow a positive, easy and effective strategy.
You can start off with smaller challenges first. Remember one thing � things will not happen automatically, it is for you to take yourself forward. Make use of every opportunity to speak in public, socialize with small groups of 3 or 4 members. Realize the importance of expressing yourself. People around you are not your enemies. They are not judging you. They have weakness too! No one is perfect. So, be easy on yourself. Dare to make mistakes. Learn from them. The more exposure you give yourself, the higher your confidence level would rise. You have to give yourself a chance. You have to make the move.
Read good books, know what�s happening in the world and be alert. This will take you a long way. Good luck!

337.
Name:Jemma
City:Liverpool
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting: May 27 2003 / 12:55:30
Jemma's Problem:
I wish to be a dancer when I'm older and do theatrical productions. I have experience in street dance, but I don't know what options to take in school and what other types of dance to take up. Please could you give me some advice? Thankyou for your time and help...Jemma!

Hi Jemma,
I am afraid I really dont have much knowledge about dance and types of dance.
I cna say one thing,you need to do something that you enjoy and only then would you be successful in life.Also,you need to take enough time to decide upon what career you want to choose,and not be hasty or come under any sort of pressure.Good Luck Jemma!

336.
Name:Michelle Sutton
City:Louisville
Sex :Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:May 24 2003 / 02:33:33
Michelle's Problem:
My son Josh has no will to do any thing in school,he says:what's the point? he is not organized he is in the 7th grade.Josh is really smart if he would try . Oh by the way i'm 32 years old PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T WANT HIM TO DROP OUT OF SCHOOL.Thank You

Hi Michelle,
Hmmm!You need to be easy on your son and not torment him if you think thats going to work.A word of caution,it would do the exact opposite of what you expect.
You just need to accept the fact that your son is an individual and give him some space to breathe.You first need to invest in him more than moneterally.You need to show that you trust him and that you have confidence in him and you must do it in a genuine sense.You need to believe in his abilities first and not get overwhelmed by his poor marks!
You must channelize your anxiety and balance it with how you handle him.You must be a mature confident mother first!You must understand that not all kids are alike and not get flustered when you see your neighbour's kid walking away with all A's.You need to first be confident yourself and be mature enough to take things in the right perspective.Take it easy.Be patient.Introduce the facts of life and career to your son in a proper way.Give him the reason behind everything that you ask him to do.He may not instantly do what you say,but I am sure he's atleast going to give it a thought!Kids are never born perfect!Accept it as a fact!And understand that things can be worked upon and that your son can do good.You need to show it to him that you believe in his capability.One negative remark and its surely going to retard his growth.At the same time false and superficial praise is also not going to help him anyway!What you need to do is to be generous in your praise,and tactfully convey things that you dont like about him in a manner that you dont hurt his ego or feelings.You need to respect him.
Bottom line,be a sensitive and an intelligent parent!
Good luck to you and Josh!

335.
Name:Anon
City:Herts
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:May 23 2003 / 20:28:48
Anon's Problem:
I know this is stupid but my teacher is really freaking me out! He doesn't teach me or anything (he teachers some of my friends) but recently I've noticed that when he's passing me or is in the same room at me he always looks at me! he sometimes flirts with my friends and that then he looks at me and stops. I've looked and he doesn't really do it to anyone else!! It's all the time though! If I'm sitting down in the refectory or something and hes walking from the front office he always looks at me at least 3 times!! please help! i don't know whether he's being weird or its me!! thanks!

Hi Anon,
You need to move on and stop worrying about this issue.Dont think too much about this...
You are giving too much importance to this and are confusing yourself.Stay easy.Good luck.

334.
Name:Silvina
City:Rosario
Sex :Female
Age :18
Date/Time of Posting:May 20 2003 / 23:21:50
Silvina's Problem:
Hi, I'm 18-year-old girl from Argentina, and I really would like to read what you can advice me since I can't find the solution to my problem. The trouble is that I've never had difficulties to concentrate or to study but these days I don't feel like doing my homework, and attending to class. Although I haven't fail my exams, I'm not doing an effort. I think that if I had more will to do my duties i would be a better student. Some of my friends tell me that I demand myself a lot because I do many activities, but I really enjoy doing what I do and I don't want to take out any of them. Do you think is there any solution to my problem? Do you believe is there any way to recover my willingness? I hope you do. Ps: sorry about the mistakes, is just that i'm a student of english.
Love, Silvina

Hi Silvina,
Yes I do think there is a solution to your problem,provided you really want a solution!
Perhaps you should be a little more broadminded and consider what your friends are saying!May be you really are trying to do too many things at the same time.I do appreciate your zeal to learn new things and be a diversified person!If you let me do an analysis from what I've read in your message,here it goes!
You seem to be a person who sets high personal standards.You tend to start off too many new things/hobbies and hope to master everything and be the best at all that you do in a very short period of time.The result is that you are hardly able to meet your standards becuase they are just too much.And now you have entered into a vicious circle of not accomplishing things.This has now almost become a trend and is breeding laziness in you.Not meeting your own standards has led to a reduced enthusiasm in whatever you do and you are fidning it increasingly difficult to cope up with things that are a little demanding,for example,your studies!Another reason could be that you are not giving yourself a break!You have a lot of introspection to do!
Well,just relax!"Life is not an ememergency!"
First of all put down a priority list.Respect that list,treat it like the Bible.Allot maximum time for your highest priority..this may be your studies.Never start off too many new things at the same time.Venture into a new hobby/activtiy only when your previous new activity has almost become a routine and you have begun to practice it almost effortlessly.Set practical standards for yourself.This could be incrementally increased.If you just start off with a high standard,there are more chances of you not living upto it,its almost a rope walk,one wrong step and you wouldnt reach the other side.Its always easier and more practical to write a 100 pages by writing 10 pages a day for 10 days rather than hoping to finish the whole thing in 1 day,and you are going to keep expecting for that magical day to arrive when you write all the 100 pages in a single day.That day would never arrive!But imagine what happens to your mind,you are just going to be let down and this is going to breed a lot of laziness in you.Slowly this trend would creep into all your activites.It would set a negative flow in you!Your not accomplishing things is certainly going to pull down your morale and motivation!So,remember the old saying....Slow and steady wins the race!Set goals to motivate you.Divide them into subgoals,no matter how small!Achieve your goals stepwise..and you can be really sure of achieving the big one!The small goals can be easily achieved and each small goal you achieve is really going to set your spirits in a positive stride!Remember to be easy on yourself,and give yourself chances to win or lose!
Have a regular routine of physical exercise.It would remove all your laziness and keep your batteries charged!
Good luck to you!O..yes your English is just fine,no problem at all;great going!

333.
Name:Marie
City:New Jersay
Sex :Female
Age :14
Date/Time of Posting:May 20 2003 / 20:59:45
Marie's Problem:
my hormones are really high and i'm thinking about sex all of the time what can i do?

Hi Marie,
You have the power to think what you want.So,indulge yourself in more fruitful activities.Perhaps you could start a new hobby,think about your career and act sane!You are still too young for any sort of sexual activity.Remember one thing.You are going to be responsible for all your acts.Count a 100 before you really "do" something.By the time you count 100,sanity would have crept into you!
Every time you think of sex just catch yourself and divert your mind into something more productive!If you still cant deal with things,you need to see a physician and talk to a someone in person.Good Luck!

332.
Name:Isaac Henry
City:Augusta,GA
Sex :Male
Age :6
Date/Time of Posting:May 20 2003 / 18:41:45
Isaac's Problem:
my mom has custody of me and my brother but my brother is staying with my dad because of his anger problem..my mother has a new fiancee and they are getting married this august..I like the guy a lot but the problem is this..I love my dad as well but my dad is not giving my mother any kind of break..he yells and curses at her every time she makes an effort to see Chris..she even made deals with him but he doesnt give her the chance to say anything..this is hurting the family because he tells me things that is not true about my mother and it hurts really bad..I want my brother home with me and the rest of the family in August but dad just dont know how to deal with mom without yelling..can you please help us..

Hi Isaac,
Wish I could have a little chat with mom and dad!Well,Isaac,life is full of such ups and downs.You must not lose hope and give up,nor should you let frustration eat you up!
I know its really painful to see dad yelling at mom and unpleasant things happening all the while.No matter what they are older to you and some things are better if you leave them alone.things are not in your hands!
You really are too young to make compromises,but theres no other go!You need to accept the situation and tell yourself that better days are ahead.Be optimistic and brave.You are certainly going to be a very mature and sane person when you grow old.You are going to tackle your problems in a better way and lead a happy life!So dont let things overwhelm you.Concentrate on your career and you certainly are going to be happy and a very nice dad and husband!
Remember one thing;your dad too is going through a tough time.Its not that he's enjoying yelling at mom.And he really loves you a lot!
I am sure you have the God given gift to carry yourself through this time.Bravo!

331.
Name:Tori
City:Summerville
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:May 20 2003 / 01:56:07
Tori's Problem:
My softball team just lost their first game of the season and everyone is upset and I know that if they carry on that attitude for the rest of the season they won't win ANY games. What should I do.

Hi Tori,
You must realize this is still a game thta you have lost.And tornaments and games keep coming.Eevery game is an opportuniyt to learn,no matter you win or lose.It still adds to your experience tally!In fact i'd give double the points to a game that you lose in the tally for experience!
You must first understand this and know you can still win!You must feel confident from within..theres absolutely no reason to lose hope!Some of the biggets players and the best teams have lost "their most important game"...but they never stopped at that.Thats the difference between any other team and great team like that of yours!Think like a winner.Only then can you boost the confidence of your team.Only then will there be a positive wave and an air of confidence in the team and they'd be all set to win the next game!Good luck!

330.
Name: Louise
City:London
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:May 18 2003 / 19:08:33
Louise's Problem:
i hate my family, school and most of all life. i have tryed to commit suiside b4 but i failed. i want to get away from my family as they are the ones that are making me so upset. but i no you have to be 16 before u can move out with-put your parents permission and i'm only 13 i dont no how i can bare 3 more years. i just want some advice, and i'm too scared to talk to someone over the phone about this

Hi Louise,
I wish I could talk to you sitting on a park bench!
Well,I want you to understand one thing,it may sound usual and monotonous..but here it is..Suicide is not a solution to any problem.The best thing about life is that every problem of life has a solution!Thats one of the most pleasant secrets of life,and not many of us know this!You know that secret now!!!
There would be moments in our lives when we feel our family is the biggest enemy to us.You must neither keep thinking this way nor should you act upon these thoughts of yours!There are ways to handle this.You need to talk it out in a calm and polite manner.Your family members would surely understand your state of mind and try to be more reasonable in their behaviour.Also,the other side of the coin is that you need to make compromises and correct your behaviour wherever necessary.Let go of your ego.Never hurt anyone,you need to work on it gradually;day by day!The whole idea is to reduce friction between you and your family members.Sometimes you still cannot remove the friction completely.Each unpleasant encounter is an opportunity to grow from within and know more about life!It is a chance to hone your senses toward the direction of finding peace.The best way is to do your role to reduce the friction and learn how to react to certain situations in a more mature way.You know this is not forever.Concentrate on your studies and indulge in hobbies and keep your mind occupied.Have a healthy and fit body and mind.Be optimistic and act like a winner.No one can put you down.Take your time,think it out!Good Luck Louise!

329.
Name:Imvs
City:Malaysia
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:May 18 2003 / 06:23:39
Imvs's Problem:
my parents keep on nag at me... my mind can't ignore it!!

Hi Imvs,
Dont be lazy.Atleast to get rid of their nagging do what the ask you to when they ask you to do.That would reduce half the botheration.Try talking to them and see if you can come to a consensus.Talk,Talk,Talk,Talk,Talk,Talk!Nothing would happen if you dont talk to your parents!Dont throw up,talk politely.Things would work atleast half your way!Good luck!

328.
Name:Fairen
City:Magna
Sex :Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:May 18 2003 / 04:47:42
Fairen's Problem:
I went over to my gay friend's house last night and he was really pissed off at his mom and friends. I told him to calm down and relax, but instead he started kicking his dog (for growling at me). He told me to come downstairs with him to his room, so I did. When he got down there he took out a razor blade. He simply said "I know you won't approve of this, but...." Then he pulled up his pant leg and sliced his leg three times. He was bleeding all over and I didn't know what to do so I just stared there in disbelief. I did ask him what he was doing and he said it made him feel better to hurt himself. I didn't even try to stop him. I got home and I was crying and I layed down on my mom's bed and told her everything that had happened. She told me that my friend probably did that while I was there because it gave him more pleasure to see my reactions to him cutting himself. I don't know what to think or do. My mom is going to talk to a couselor for my ben efits... I think he might have killed himself today, but I don't dare to call him... What should I do?

Hi Fairen,
Your friend needs to see a counsellor in person and seek help.A warm and positive approach to him by the people around would do some good to him!You,as a friend could volunteer to listen to his problems and thats going to certainly make him feel better!Good Luck!

327.
Name:Kerry
City:Baltimore.
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:May 17 2003 / 22:42:48
Kerry's Problem:
Ok, so i like this guy, but i don't think he likes me. He always flirts with me though and whenever we have a meeting at school or something he always tries to sit next to me. But when i ask him if he likes me he always say "only as a freind". What should i do??

Hi Kerry,
Try not to treat this as an emergency situation.Then,you would see things more clearly and in time come to a sane decision!Good Luck!

326.
Name:Pam
City:Comstock Park
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting: May 17 2003 / 20:28:48
Pam's Problem:
My friend lindsay is being really mean to my best best best friend delia. I'm no longer friends with lindsay. Did i make a good decision?

Hi Pam,
I really cannot say if you are justified in your decision,because I do not know what exactly has transpired amongst the three of you.
I'd urge you to reconsider your decision and see if you can be friends with Lindsay.Perhaps you could talk things out once again with Lindsay and try to put some sense in her.Perhaps she's just being possessive about you and is feeling insecure because of the firendship you share with Delia.And now if you stop talking ot Lindsay,she's going to be really hurt.
Talking to Lindsay will help the three of you.Lindsay would certainly stop being mean to Delia!Good Luck Pam!

325.
Name:Mina
City:Warwick
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:May 17 2003 / 17:10:56
Mina's Problem:
My mom won't let be gothic or even die my hair black with green strips SOMEONE TELL HOW TO CONVINCE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Mina,
You could try asking your mom if you could dye your hair for just one or two days...may be that would work!Good Luck!

324.
Name:Leigha
City:??
Sex :Female
Age :16
Date/Time of Posting:May 17 2003 / 03:53:45
Leigha's Problem:
My two best friends Sarah and Tiffany absolutely hate each other. Out of the two Sarah is the closest to me, but i have known Tiffany longer. Last year my friend Tiffany went out with this guy Devin. They borke up after about a month but still liked each other. Now, a year later, Devin has moved on. He has been going out with Sarah now for about three months now. Heres the first problem. Tiffany still likes Devin. But theres more. Today me and Sarah decided to hang out by ourselves during lunch, leaving devin behind in where we usually hang out. Thats also the same place where Tiffany hangs out. Later during lunch we see Devin walking across the school all Pissed off lookin. He ignores Sarah for the rest of the day. Later, after school, she finds out from a friend that the reason he ran off was because Tiffany was saying crap about Sarah. Sarah called me later, all freaked out because sha has no idea what Tiffany had said to Devin and shes scared that hes going to break up with her, and asked me for my advice on what to do. Usually i have really good advice for Sarah but i had no idea what to tell her. And Im not sure if I should confront Tiffany about this matter either. Sarah also wants me to call Devin and talk to him but i dont know what to say to him.
pleeze help

Hi Leigha,
Well,if Devin is upset because he happens to hear some nonsense about his girlfriend through some thrid person and then decides to break up,Devin is a kid.And i dont think neither Sarah nor Tiffany should be seeing Devin.
A solution to this would be that Devin and Sarah have a talk before they really decide on something for the future!And about Tiffany,since she is your close friend you need to confront her on this issue,I am sure she would take it fine.Good Luck to both your friends and your concern for your friends is really commendable!

323.
Name:Anna
City:Templeton
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:May 17 2003 / 02:55:53
Anna's Problem:
My friend Nicole, is being picked on by boys in our school. Another friend of ours, Angie, is trying to convince her, along with me, that if she stops hitting them, they will stop calling her slut. They also call her crazy Mary, mental mary, and others and Angie and I are trying to tell her that if she changes her attitude in school, that they will stop calling her slut and the other names (she is not a slut). Once a boy spit at her and she doesn't realize that if she chances her attitude at least around school that they will stop teasing her. What can Angie and I tell her to convince her to try to change her attitude? We already talked to her about and it she said she would try but it hasn't been working. Nicole told me once that you can not change a person and I know it but how can someone say such wise words but also be so thickheaded that she still complains about them teasing her and doesn't see the good out come of changing her attitude. I saying I heard o nce was "you cannot help take the thorn out of your friends eye until you take the one out of yours first." and I think that is one of Nicole's problems,she tries to help friends but still has her own thorn in her eye so she is so thickheaded that she cannot yet see the truth.
Date/Time of Posting:May 18 2003 / 01:43:14
I sent you a problem I had two days ago and have not seen it on the site. If you do not want to put it on the site, could you at least e-mail the advice to me please? I would appriciate the help.

Hi Anna,
Well,I do try my level best to reply as fast as I can,and due to the large volume of mails that I get,and some occasional technical problems,it takes time to get back to you!
You know your friend is going through a not-so-nice phase.Your advice to her is very essential,but you need to only advice her as long as she doesnt feel nagged.If she does not change her attitude,she would soon change it.After all she cannot tolerate the nuisance forever(if at all her attitude is the cause of people's behaviour)!
Another thing you need to tell her is to not really bother about some cheap comments that people may pass.She must learn to be more mature and practical in her response to people's comments and not really let them eat away her morale.I'm sure its only a matter of time,she would be ok soon.I'd urge you to be by her side!Good Luck!

322.
Name:Kirsten
City:Edinburgh
Sex :Female
Age :13
Date/Time of Posting:May 16 2003 / 14:29:36
Kirsten's Problem:
Hi. My problem is that i think i may fancy my history teacher. Im not sure. He is basically evrything i wish i was. Funny confident and in no way shy. im really shy and have no confidence. I do get on ok with him. I think he is such a gr8 person. So do i fancy him or do u think i just admire him for the fact he is everything i wish i was. plz help its gettin me down. thanx.

Hi Kirsten,
Its just that you admire him as a teacher and as a person.And you must feel fortunate to have somoene to look up to and dream of being like him.Just think straight and respect your teacher,you need to love him as you love your father!Best of Luck,hope you really acquire the qualities that you would like to.

321.
Name:Natalie
City: Phoenix
Sex :Female
Age :20
Date/Time of Posting:May 16 2003 / 08:42:11
Natalie's Problem:
I am having a hard time getting over an abusive relationship. I was with this guy for 4 years and lived with him most of the time. I left him because he was beating me and using drugs and would call me names. I could not take anymore but now i miss him and feel like i am missing something in my life. i can't stop thinking about him and what he is doing. we are going through court right now but i can't imagine my life without him and i can't imagine him being with any one else but me. i am so depressed yet so hurt for what he did to me. did he really love me? or did he just have problems that weren't my fault? i am so depressed and don't know what to do.

Hi Natalie,
You must learn to be more self-confident!You must see things more objectively.No doubt,there would have been some extremely happy moments of your life that you've shared with him.But they really shouldnt get in the way of your present decisions.You definitely are paying a price for those "happy moments".Living each day in hell is certainly not warranted.
You need to see if you can talk things out and settle the wrath.If you think things just cannot work out,theres no point saying nice things to yourself like he was the best or you cant live without him.Be mature and think about yourself a little.You really cant be living with an abusive partner all your life.As I said your first step would be to see if you can work things out by talking with him.
Well,its not that I am saying all this with a heart of stone.Its just that you are going to realize these things yourself ,but I am afraid it may be a little too late.Be practical,be bold,be optimistic.Good luck Natalie!

320.
Name:Mike
City:Miami.
Sex :Male
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:May 15 2003 / 02:17:05
Mike's Problem:
My friend has bad grades in school, his family is also kinda weird. I found out the other day that his parents aren't making him go to skool anymore so he hasnt been going for a while now. Me and my friends have told him to come to school and to try to do better. He's probably gonna fail this year but we've told him that we are there for him and if he needs help just to talk to us but he just doesn't really care. The reason he gets bad grades is not cause he's stupid its just that hes lazy and doesnt want to do any of the work. What should I do?

Hi Mike,
I am overwhelmed by the concern that you have for your friend!Oyur friend is certainly fortunate to have you by him.
First of all you need to talk to his parents and find out what exctly are they planning for his future.If they really want him to study and get back to school,you need to help him out with his studies and be by his side.But if his parents are not bothered and want him to live his life any which way he wants to,then you could probably just try convincing him to get back to studies.If he still is reluctant,I really dont think he would really want to.You would have a really tough job getting him on track when his parents themselves are not keen about his studies.Well,you could certainly stand gaurd to his ways of life and see to it that he doesnt get to any wrong ways.
Once again,appreciating your concern,wishing you the very best!

319.
Name:Ashley
City: PASADENA
Sex :Female
Age :12
Date/Time of Posting:May 14 2003 / 23:40:39
Ashley's Problem:
I THINK THIS BOY LIKES ME BUT I'M NOT SURE.HE IS MY FRIEND THOUGH.HE ALWAYS TAPS ME MESSES WITH MY HAIR TALKS TO ME AND SAYS SWEET THINGS TO ME LIKE LADIES FIRST & HI SWEETPEA (THAT'S WHEN HE'S HYPER)HE ALSO COMPLIMENTS MY HAIR AND FACE HE TELLS ME HOW IT WOULD LOOK BETTER AND THAT I WOULD LOOK REALLY PRETTY WITH MY HAIR DOWN AND NOT IN A BUN. HE JUST BROKE UP WITH MY BEST FRIEND.DO YOU THINK HE LIKES ME OR IS JUST MY BEST FRIEND.

Hi Ashley,
The guy may not be sure of what he really wants.He may not even be sure if he likes you or not.He just enjoys talking to you and being a good friend.I think you need to shelve the idea of expecting something very "materialsitc" out of the blissful friendship that you share.You just need to wait and let things take their shape.Remember,theres no hurry!Have fun and enjoy your time with him!Good Luck!

318.
Name:Lacey
City:Fargo.
Sex :Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:May 14 2003 / 21:47:59
Lacey's Problem:
i have a really good guy friend that i used to fool around with. a year after we stop fooling around i decide that i like him more than friendly-like, so i email him telling him that i wanna talk to him. now he wants to know why. i dont wanna loose my friendship with him, but now i dont know what to say. HELP

Hi Lacey,
Well,you just need to say that you want to talk to him,because you havent been in touch for sometime now,and that is the fact.Dont burden yourself with thoughts like how do I tll him or what do I tell him..or...etc.
Just take it easy and get back in touch with him...its been quite a long gap since you talked to him last.So break the ice and get familiar once again with him and know more about each other.See if things can work out between the two of you.Things may eventually happen...dont pressurise your faculties and lose focus of your life.Be easy.Good Luck!

317.
Name:Hello
City:??.
Sex :Male
Age :5
Date/Time of Posting:May 14 2003 / 19:12:17
Hello's Problem:
hello my home Italy. my have no more england. my have if my how england lesson.
thank you

Hi Hello,
If anyone who comes across this problem can comprehend what my little friend is trying to say,do mail me!

316.
Name:M
City:Ireallywishinu
Sex :Female
Age :15
Date/Time of Posting:May 14 2003 / 16:00:34
M's Problem:
o.k. well basically,mums gota nu job and were moving.ive been offered a home here with people my parents trust but they still wont let me stay. I'm going to miss loadz of people and ive finally found my feet here. I'm especially going to miss a lad(cant go into detial-jus in case). I coudn't cope bieng away from them as corny as it sounds!!
me

Hi M,
You could try convincing your mom and live in your old place.Well,that would happen if you really have a genuine reason.The other option is to try keeping in touch through mail/phone with your old people around there,especialy the "lad".
Another thing is that you need to be optimistic about life and hope for better and newer friends in your new place.Making new friends is such a wonderful thing,believe me!You must try that!If you still feel horrible about your new place,you could try explaining it to your mom by telling her what exactly is your problem and hope for the best!Remember,pestering your mom from the very begining would upset her and when you talk about moving back to your old place later,she would see it nothing more than your usual grind and may not even consider it!Good luck!

315.
Name:Merve
City:Paterson
Sex :Female
Age :9
Date/Time of Posting:May 14 2003 / 05:04:44
Merve's Problem:
my problem is that everyone makes fun of me at home and school.nothing works.i have no friends,im very lonely.my brother and sister bother me. please help me!

Hi Merve,
You want to know a big secret?Your family loves you a lot!They make fun of you because they loves you a lot!And why do your siblings trouble you?Simply ask them not to.Tell mama about this.And at school,just be bold and confident and try to ignore thecomments that people pass.They would get the message straight and would not bother you any more.Learn how not to get perturbed by them.Good luck!

314.
Name:Antonela
City:Rosario, Santa Fe, Argentina.
Sex :Female
Age :17
Date/Time of Posting:May 13 2003 / 18:18:01
Antonela's Problem:
I�m Antonela and I�m 17 years old. I would like you to know that I have an especial personality since I don�t really like going dancing at night (because I�m not able to talk with other people or ever to listen to them, the atmosphere is usually quite noisy and if you go out until so late, then the next day you sleep forso long that you lose the chance of enyoying your morning and of doing important things)and what is more, I tend to act according to all the moral principles and values in which I was brought up. The problem is that nowadays, society is suffering from a serious lack of this values and taha people who respect them are being leaving aside or, in other words, are not accepted openly. In fact, I find many difficulties to establish new relationships among teenagers because of my behaviour and my personality, which I don�t want to change. Sometimes I feel that people of my age do not accept me. What should I do?Do I have to pretend to be someone that I�m not really?
Thanks,
Antonela.

Hi Antonela,
I agree with you....missing the mornings is such a horrible thing!Even I dont like missing mornings...... to find myself in a cycle of racing with time!
It is really nice that you want to stick to your morals and values.In fact you should stick and not give them up for anything else.But in order to get along with your friends,I guess you must work out some sort of a balance between the two realms of your life which can be seamlessly united by properly working things out.You are the best judge to know how much you can give in for the sake of friends and in what front you need to be doing that.So,i think its only a matter of making judicious decisions keeping both your interests in mind and ariving at a conclusion.Good Luck!

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