Welcome to the Archive. I must warn you that this site
contains:
*Male/Male sex!So unless you are 18, I would advise you to avoid this portion of my site!
* Hopefully some truly witty puns which never cease to amuse me!
The Bellboy Series
Escapades of a deranged voyeur. The lowest form of fanfic and my first feeble attempts at pornography. And yes if ou're wondering, I AM embrassed by these.
Jude, Ewan, and The Rude Bellboy (1/?) NC-17-Ewan's brilliant scheme to corrupt Jude
The Talented Mr. Raify (2/?)NC-17-Nicholas Raify's sinister side gleams strongly in his scheme to receive...love? admiration? respect?...Just sex actually.
The Turnip Series
An answer to a story challenge to begin a story with, "I licked his...". This series features Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Ewan McGregor who also just happen to be in an affair.I certainly do not know either of the two and do not profess to know anything about their sexual activites. These are purely fictional, hypothetical, and simply for entertainment of the lowest form. I only do this because I suffer from severe insomnia and have run out of beans to count. I know I would be flattered if someone would write pornographic stories about me. In fact, If anyone wants to, They'll be posted in a place of honour here!
A Turnip For Your Love (1/4)R-Ewan is painting a very odd Suessian portrait of Jonathan and odd things occur. This contains Dorian gray referances, and other smaller trivial ones.
A Turnip For Your Love (2/4)R-Jonny flees from Ewan's home in terror and embrarassment, runs into Jude, a poodle, a bar, and a cheap hotel. It is important to state here that Ewan's characterization is way off.
A Turnip For Your Love (3/4)R-Here is where Jude enters the story along with Ewan's fictional Aunt Fifi, a large yellow straw hat, the return of the poodle, obscure film quotes, a pun,a healthy dose of licking, a healthy glass of H2O, and one harmless lintball.
A Turnip For Your Love (4/4) Nc-17-Jude whisks the fellows off into his absement, and a beautiful, but strange sexual adventure turns sour when Jude throws a fit. But it's not violent, and nothing damages anybody escept perhaps some light mental trauma that'll be sorted out in the epilogue. Features Rudolph the poodle (From "The Killer Tongue"-Jonny, Duane the Pigeon (From "Little Voice"-With Ewan), Sadie Frost, Jude's lovely wife, and Eve Makarakis, Ewan's pretty wife.
A Turnip For Your Love-Epilogue (5/4)R-I have invented yet another relative. Jude now has a brother named Paul who in no way resembles him, and after his journey to Jude's house, the purpose of which is secret...he goes off to crash a plane. The events in between are in the story...Here we study the nature of insanity.
Ewan Times Two
This will be a brand spanking new series where eventually all the formations of Ewan will do one another since we all know that deep down inside, we desire to have sex with ourselves. Why else would we masturbate? Really. It's so logical. Masturbation Lubrication.
A Dream of Scandal NC-17-In a particularily overused example of a dream sequence love affair, Curt Wild regresses in time after having watched "Emma". As it turns, Frank Churchill, gossiping gentleman extrordanaire gets along swimmingly with the strange rockstar who grows his equal in gossip. I did this mostly for comical effect since I find Frank Churchill quite amusing.
Little Birdy Boy NC-17-Curt Wild (maybe I should just rename the set the "Curt Wild does Ewan" series) gives Billy of "Little Voice"...you know, the really sweet, innocent guy with the pigeons?...quite the thrill. Corrupt the innocent to sexual hedonism! Ha ha!
Little Birdy Boy 2NC-17-Little Birdy Boy doesn't make it out of this story a virign, the treachory of Mr. Boo, the secret needs of George, Curt's ouchy, and Duane's seductive skills are all revealed!
A Pillow Less OrdinaryPG-For now-This is a very poor parody of "A Life Less Ordinary", but I chose to replace the Cameron Diaz character (nothing personal), with Jerome from "The Pillow Book", so of course, Jerome being Jerome, and the movie being that movie, they will fall in love, though it will be cloaked mysteriously under a clever coat of lust
JRM's Times Two
So...Now we have Jonathan Rhys Meyers doing Jonathan Rhys Meyers. The pretty things REALLY want to keep to themsleves. Narcissus syndrome. Ah well....without further something I launch this new series with...Well...this story!
God is a Hypocrite R (for now)-Argyle, a vampire,one that looks like Jonathan Rhys Meyers, has taken a man's life after a night of lovemaking. (*note: The other man also looks like Jonathan Rhys Meyers.) Then he contemplates the state of his soul. Written while quite drunk off of really bad beer reading Paradise Lost. Thus the melodrama.
Velvet Goldmine
A Handful of Pistachios PG-Curt and Brian are sweetsy and cute celebrating Valentine's Day. But first, Brian has to get Curt to come out of the closet.
The Mind It's Own Master (1/1) PG-I finally took the plunge and wrote my Velvet Goldmine angst story (every good fic writer has to have one, don't they?). No one fell required in any way to read this since it is pure shmoomk and goomk, and other disguisting little melodramatic things. Basically Curt and brian meet after breakup, and oh sob, sob. But they don't get back together, and they have a really dumb, awkward conversation.
Star Wars
A Green Pill For Your Hippo (1/?)NC-17-Obi-Wan/Henry Cavendish/Obi-Bob crossovers. Obi-Bob is an original of mine. Obi-Wan's twin brother, Obi-Bob, attempts to become more frinedly from his brother. Obi-Wan, during substance abuse, meets a small hippo that gives him advice...namely...do Henry rather than his older twin.
Dragonfly Spirit (1/1) Nc-17-Young Obi-Wan appears to be going through his stereotypically rebellious teen stage, while Qui-Gon is going through his stereotypically middle-aged stage. Includes disco, bad Queen songs, glitter, vinyl, golfing, scary Yoda speak, homophobia, and truly frightening dragonfly imagery. It is so important to point out that I was in a severe and poignant state of drunkeness while writing this.
Militat Omnis Amans
Militat Omnis Amans (1/?) R-A young beautiful Victorian noble becomes fed up, and hires a male prositute, and eventually fall in love...BUT THIS IS NOT Pretty Woman. There's tragedy at the end! Of course due to the escapades of certain bloated English playwrites.
Tabloid Stories
These stories feature various public figures when their lives get screwed by the press. I'm not approaching it seriously, but it IS something I feel is important. Just because they are public figures doesn't mean you should be able to hide in their trash cans eating their used spaghetti noodles or harassing their significant others. Well, I mean, if you're starving to death eat the noodles, but don'te at their noodles JUST because they're celebrities. Yeah...Well, aynways they are real people...so...it's okay to fantasize, but NO harassment. Oh yeah, and these aren't fantasies either. They're just goofing off. Tabloids suck.
Tabloid Story 1-Two public figures spat over a flaw in pr. If you can guess BOTH of the celebrities, e-mail me, and the prize is....uhhhh....a friendly platonic internet kiss. PLATONIC. Unless...Never mind. ;)
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