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phone.sex
[rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5] In article <32i5qp$ia0@matt.ksu.ksu.edu>,
wrote: > > All we have to do is start a Vorlon psychic hotline ...
:) > > caller: what can you tell me about my career ? > vorlon:
listen to the music not the song ... > > caller: what about my love
life ? will I ever find the perfect mate ? > vorlon: you are not ready
for that information ... > call back at the hour of high phone rates
> > caller: I've been feeling depressed lately. Should I commit
suicide ? > .................. (long pause) ................ >
vorlon: yes, most definately But you'd need to do a lot of work to make
sure that people can tell this service apart from the Internet Oracle.
> PS - if that doesn't work, how about phone sex with B5 characters
> > push 1 for Susan ... our sexy S&M mistress Sign me up for
that! Especially if she gets to wear a Soviet uniform and gives me the
speech about "Ivanova is God." > push 2 for Talia ... she
knows your every desire The only problem is, if gloves inhibit her powers,
what would a condom do? (Sure, she could _lie_ on the phone, and say it's
good for her, but she'd never do that.) > push 3 for Delin ... an alien
so exotic you won't remember ... uh "Yes, yes, make the triangle
appear on my forehead, baby!" And, of course, she has that secret
cabinet of foreplay crystals. > push 4 for Mike ... a biker who looks
kinda like Bruce Willis I can say nothing except I'd definitely prefer to
press 1. > push 5 for Jeff ... he talk's like a DJ, but hey, why not He
reminds me more of the scientists in all those fifties
"industrial" films. I can just picture him saying, "The
molten slurry moves along the conveyor belt to the annealing vat, where it
is subjected to the Bessemer process which vulcanizes the rubber. But
little Billy doesn't need to know that--all he needs to know is that the
rubber vomit is delivered fresh from our factory to his kitchen
floor!" > push 6 for Londo ... an accent you won't soon forget
Adventures In Big Hair With Londo! He talks like the Zima guy only hotter!
Ladies, if you're willing to shave your head, he's the man for you! >
push 7 for Kosh ... never mind, you're not ready "What kind of phone
sex line _is_ this?" (weird howls) "...Profitable."
Besides, you forgot the one I'd like the very best: push 8 for Na'Toth...
hurry up before she's recast! Caitlin Brown is great with or without her
makeup. Seen her in _The Jerk_? As the cycle stuntwoman? Rrrrrowwrrrr! --
K. And yeah, I'm cross-posting this to alt.religion.kibology 'cause I have
to, even though they won't get the dumb ol' jokes and will just think I've
been dropped on my head another few times. Back
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