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Parody On, Dude...


Ok. Ok. Parodies are corny, but you love them, don't you? You can admit it here. Nobody that can or will incriminate you ever comes here. So... go ahead... indulge... parody on, dude and sing along with these parodies, hot off the press!

The first parody on this page was written for one of my favourite paramedics, Roy DeSoto. He blushed when I sang it for him, but then what would you expect from that loveable, mild-mannered guy with the blue eyes that could knock a girl over and a voice, smooth as the caramel in that there Caramilk bar? C'mon... get your vocal chords ready... sing... to the tune of "Born to Be Wild".



Born to Be Mild

The engine is a-runnin'
The squad is on the highway
You can buy the video
For a couple bucks on Ebay

Yeah, nothin' gets DeSoto flustered
He's a soft, tranquil fireman
He can't even decide a menu
Without asking Joanne

Fire is a nightmare
Roy will run to save you
He may be mild-mannered
But, he's an expert at a rescue

Yeah, nothin' gets DeSoto freakin'
He'll be calm in the danger zone
Bandage all of your wounds at once with
Rampart on the phone

Like a good-natured child
Roy was born, born to be mild
He's not dumb or shy
He's just a gentle guy

Born to be mild...
Born to be mild...

Voice as soft as velvet
You just gotta wonder
How he handles Johnny
When his voice is loud like thunder

DeSoto won't disturb or shock you
Unless he has to defibrillate
He doesn't wanna rock the boat much
Or get in a debate...

Like a good-natured child
Roy was born, born to be mild
If you wonder why
He's just a gentle guy

Born to be mild...
Born to be mild...

May
OMGB #140

Our next little number features the smartest nurse in the history of Rampart (aside from Dixie, of course). She knew how to get her men and it serves them right for making a bet on her in the first place, doesn't it? Here's your song, Daisy! Sung to the tune of "Bicycle Built for Two" (Daisy, Daisy...)



Daisy, Daisy

Daisy, Daisy
Give us your answer do
We're half crazy
Seeking a date with you

We all bet five bucks we'd get you
But, now we regret we met you
You look so sweet, but we're tired and beat
From the work that you made us do!

Daisy, Daisy
Leave us alone, please do
We ache like crazy
Our dating days are through

You once were our favourite nurse, dear
But, now we think you're the worst, dear
Thanks for the cake, but we can't take
It, we all lost the bet, we fear!

May
OMGB #140

As if that wasn't enough to make your day, here's another parody, fresh from May's warped brain to your ears. Ok. For those of you who don't know it, Randy (and whomever else is involved in this project with him) is currently researching and developing a new series called USAR-1. He hopes (and so do I) that it gets off the ground. Kevin would likely have a recurring role on this show. So, having said all that... you can sing this now, to the tune of "Turkey in the Straw".



Firemen in my Dreams (better than turkeys in straw :-))

Well, I heard this siren
A-blaring down the street
So I ran outside
In my stocking feet

You can bet your bottom dollar
I was really shocked to see
Kevin Tighe and Randy Mantooth from
That show, Emergency!

Well, I looked at the actors
And they looked at me
And they said, "We're not real.
It's just a fantasy.

We're appearing in your dreams
And we really don't mind
But, do we have to be paramedics
All the time?

We could be anything
That your little heart desires
We could do much more
Than putting out the same old fires

Use a little creativity
We'd like to have some fun."
"Ok," I agreed.
"Now you work for Usar-1!"

May
OMGB #140

Herman's Hermits recorded a song called, "Something Good." It was a good song, but I thought I could improve it by making it into a special parody for my favourite fireboy, Johnny Gage, who always seems to strike out with the nurses. Gee... he could have made his life so much easier by calling me. Here's the song... sing along... Herman's Hermits never sounded so good...



This Match Will Be No Good

Woke up this mornin' feeling fine
Last night's E! episode on my mind
Surprise! Johnny met a new girl in the neighbourhood
Somethin' tells me this match will be no good

Gage is the type who's not too shy
But, some nurses think he's a cocky guy
He keeps askin' them out, like any single guy would
Somethin' tells me this match will be no good

He takes them out for dinner at his expense
And spends a whopping eight dollars and forty-two cents
He wonders why he keeps on striking out
He really should ask Roy what dating's all about...

This fireboy's lovelife is on the skids
He tried to get married, but she had three kids
He's trying for another girl now, but it's understood
Somethin' tells me this match will be no good.

Every time girls dump him, he looks so sad
He drives the other guys at the station mad
They wonder if Johnny's got anything under the hood
And they all know that this match will be no good

Johnny finally got a beautiful date
Friday morning at 10, and he wouldn't be late
He was happy and just floating on air
But, the date was at an orphanage that needed repair...

Cheer up, Johnny, if the nurses bite
A thousand girls or more would like to date you tonight
They all watch you on the tv, and it's understood
Somethin' tells me this match would be so good!

May
OMGB #140

Last, but not least, on this page is a more serious parody. It was written for all the firefighters out there as a tribute to the hard and risky job you all do for us civilians. We don't tell you enough how much you are appreciated. Well... let me know if you like it. It's to the tune "Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Man", by the Allman Brothers.



Rescue Man

Lord, I was born a rescue man
Tryin' to make a living and doing the best I can
So, if time comes for leavin'
Take my family by the hand
And remember me, the rescue man

I rescued a whole family last Christmas
Their house was gone, but thank God they're alive
That's the best reward I get for a job well done
And I'm thankful when my colleagues all survive (chorus)

My buddy, he got trapped inside a building
Sometimes I miss him, though it's been two years
I almost hung my boots up then, but I couldn't leave
Those sirens kept on ringing in my ears... (chorus)

Lord, if my turn comes, I've just one question
In Heaven, could I lend a helping hand
Send me with your angels, let me help one more soul
'Coz, Lord, I was born a rescue man... (chorus)

May
OMGB #140

Bless all you firefighters... I know the boys of '51 would agree.

Ok. So Randy Mantooth says that he and a friend drove to Newfoundland in the middle of winter in his land rover. An adventure, he says. For fun, he says. In January... Newfoundlanders don't want to be in Newfoundland in January, but there he was. So... I wondered what kind of frozen north adventure must that have been? So... here's a parodE! to describe his trip... a little imagination, and just in fun. Sing it to the tune of "New York, New York"...

So, Randy Mantooth drove to Newfoundland in January. Does he realize that even Newfoundlanders don't want to be in Newfoundland in January? I hope he had a great trip (whenever that was), and... er... I hope nothing was permanentely frozen... brrr... here's a little parody about how I imagined his trip was like. Sing it to the tune, "New York, New York."



Newf Land, Newf Land

Start spreading the news
I'm leaving today
I wanna be a part of it...
Newf land, Newf land

I got my new toque
Let's be on our way
Right to the very heart of it
Newf land, Newf land

I'm gonna wake up
With the smell of that old sea air
And find out that it isn't fun
To have a frozen derriere...

These little town folks
Speak a language their own
I've left the earth and now I'm in
Newf land, Newf land (eh mate?)

But... if I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's minus 42
Newf land, Newf land

(musical interlude where you dance as fast as you can
to avoid becoming frozen solid to the ground)

These little town folks
They think I should stay
On this God-forsaken rock called
Newf land, Newf land

Let's see if my rover will go
Through 5 feet of... blowing snow
I'm leaving you...
Newf land, Newf land!

May
OMGB #140
officer of parodE!

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