March 2004

There are more typos in this latest issue. That's what happens when articles pander to silly students who think that they can win faculty-student softball games. And we're up to 9 typos in this first article. Phew! I'm relieved! For a few months there, I thought I was out of a job! Not that I get paid for this. Maybe if I had a PayPal link?

The writers of The Legend do not understand the concept of deleting spam/chain e-mails. They read every one of them! And then they write long, introspective editorials about them and call it "News"! Why? WHY?

Check out the intimidating rent-a-cop car at our school.

"As posted above, an urban legend has been going around for a couple of years in an e-mail..." Dudes! You didn't post above that it was an urban legend! You wrote the e-mail verbatim (except with some typos added in for good fun!), with the title "The following is an e-mail." I was totally believing it! I almost left the house, prepared to call #77 when that unmarked car that always follows me starts following me. (Because everyone knows 911 isn't for *real* emergencies. Cough.)

"Could this be true?"

"No."

The article referenced the "Urban Legend Zeitgeist," whatever that is. I'm not going to believe any article claiming the hoaxocity of an urban legend that doesn't reference snopesdotcom. Psh!

Another important problem posed by this astute article was whether or not to hyphenate "e-mail." You fuckers. It doesn't matter. Just make sure that it's the same for the entire article! Don't hyphenate just one. That makes it lonely. Don Knuth says that I should drop the hyphen because spelling it with the hyphen is "archaic." He says Americans are "overly conservative" about it. He sounds like a European, and you should never let a European tell you that you're "overly conservative." Just because they're too lazy to put on clothes and so wander around naked all day except when they take six-hour siestas and you don't is no reason to take crap from a continent that's smaller than our state.

You can't do it... Take clear pictures, that is.

NHS deserves all the faults of this article. "You Got Served"? That still offends me. Maybe we could fry up that swooping bat that stole the show (although the writer said it stole the "stage," interestingly enough) and serve that to the poor people.

You know an article on blogs that doesn't make fun of how stupid LJ is has GOT to be retarded. It's nice to be confirmed in that opinion when the reporter says "online journals, or blogs..." which makes no sense because if the word "blogs" comes from "online journals" then we should be calling them "on-jos" which is way too close to "mojos" for "overly conservative" Americans to embrace.

If she'd done any "research," she'd know that the word comes from weblog. Loser.

I'm sorry, darling, but if no one comments, you are less of a person.

I hate LiveJournal so much. It epitomizes everything that is stupid and pointless about self-publishing on the Internet, all the inane blather and imoods and add-ons and blah! I don't understand who is paying for all that bandwidth. Worrying about that question sometimes makes me stay up at night, cowering in the corner of my dark, dark bedroom.

And when in the hell was LJ EVER used exclusively by businessmen and women? WHEN? This article is full of lies.

This article makes Girl Scouts seem like a life-long cult that fools little girls into thinking that they're empowered when really they're just being exploited to sell overpriced, under-yummy cookies. Also notice that the first part references the reader to page ten for part two, but the second half is actually on page fifteen. Eh. It's not like anyone is going to read the entire thing anyway.

eww

This article was gruesome. Ugh. And the title seems disgustingly insensitive. "Once upon a time, in Mexico, a youth minister 'severally' broke his back but recovered completely, baffling doctors and Christopher Reeve alike." You know the only reason he survived is that he was unwilling to have surgery in Mexico.

Well, you saw your youth leader's head break open. No shit you were "scared"

Now, I'd think he was smart if he hadn't taken a thirty-foot dive (on purpose) into a cement-filled swimming hole. Just another story to teach you that Jesus can't help you if you're a flaming moron.

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