14 cell!  I say 14 cell!  Johnny, are you going to eat?

I roll over, look at the clock, it's 2:45 a.m.  I get up and turn on my light, step over to the door.  "Inmate!  Step back and sit on your bunk!"  I stand for about 10 seconds, looking at these two guards who have big smiles on their faces, like they just won the lottery.

A snarl comes to my lips and I attempt to hold it back, but it's there and they have already seen it.  I turn and walk away from the door, and sit on my bunk.  The food slot is now opened, and a sack breakfast is shoved in the slot.  It is then, and only then, that the guard says "COME AND GET IT!"  The snarl is back, and as I step the three strides to the door the guards step back and look at me, waiting on the comment they know is coming once I look in the sack.

I say nothing.  I turn and walk back to my bunk and sit, and look into the sack only after looking up to make sure the guards are gone through the door.  1 boiled egg, 1 milk, 1 bag of raisins, 1 old peanut butter sandwich that has a quarter-sized dab of peanut butter syrup in the middle of the bread that is a few hours from being too old.

I start to laugh.  At first it's just a little chuckle which eventually turns into a roar from the animal that they wish me to be.  After it passes, I then prepare to eat my breakfast.  I throw the sandwich at the door, open the egg, eat the raisins, and drink the milk.  Then I ask myself, what else is there to eat? 

I look into my property box and see a few things which cause me to laugh again, but this time it is a human laugh - one of a free mind, a spirit in control, a brother who has just seen his little brother do something stupid, attempting to be him. 

A father reading his first letter from his only child!  A man who has fought his own demons; searched, analyzed why he is here, and who he has become.  There is one thing I am very sure of:  The crime I committed was not just heinous, it was senseless!  But as my best friend said - who is no longer here - I AM!

Next