When I was five or six, I was given the opportunity to know my father in a new way. Until then, I had only known him in his role as “Dad,” the one who played with us in the evenings and who was always fixing things around the house. I knew he had other responsibilities, like getting up very early in the morning and going to work, but when I was a child I didn’t ever really see him in these other roles. When I was five or six, though, Dad started letting me tag along with him when he took Boy Scout Troop 5 out on cookouts and overnight camps. I was the luckiest kid on earth, to get to hang out in the woods with the “big” kids like my cousin Terry. And my dad was in charge! I was very proud of him.So, since Scoutmaster was the first role in which I saw him other than that of “Dad,” it makes sense that, when I was considering what I wanted to say about him today, I returned to the Boy Scout Handbook. And there it tells us that a boy wanting to become a good man must be willing to obey the Scout Law. And so, I began thinking of the Scout Law as it applies to my dad.
“A scout is trustworthy.”
Dad was a trustworthy man. He was raised by honest, hardworking parents who were themselves raised by honest, hardworking parents. He married a trustworthy woman and raised honest children. He was a man whose word was better than a written contract. When Harold Carter said he was going to do something, he did it. He was an honorable man who consistently proved himself worthy of the trust others placed in him.“A scout is loyal.”
Dad was a loyal man. He was loyal to his wife of 59 years. He was loyal to his children and his family. He was loyal to his community, as seen through his years of volunteer service. And he was loyal to his country. Paul mentioned earlier that Dad served in the army during World War II. Even though war was completely against his gentle nature, he enlisted as soon as possible after the Pearl Harbor attack. He could have waited, particularly since he was about to start his final semester at Michigan State University, which would have allowed him to achieve his lifelong dream of becoming a forest ranger. But his country was under attack and needed him, and he was loyal in putting his country before his own desires. I’m very proud of him for that.“A scout is helpful.”
Dad was always a helpful man. There was probably never a point in his life when he wasn’t doing volunteer work in some capacity or other, though he probably just thought of it as being helpful. All those years as Scoutmaster of Troop 5 down in the basement of this church -- all those years serving as a deacon -- the years when he and Mom were Sunday school teachers -- those were all his ways of being helpful. After he retired, he gave even more of his time to volunteer work. He signed up with the Red Cross, and he and Mom would drive people to their doctor appointments, many times even to out of town appointments in Wichita or Tulsa. He signed up as a driver for the church, making it possible for people without other means to attend. He delivered Meals on Wheels, and when he said he was going to deliver, he did! These were all his ways of being helpful.“A scout is friendly.”
Dad was a friendly man. He didn’t like conflicts, preferring instead to keep relationships on friendly terms. For example, when I think back on what it was like growing up, I am amazed to say that I can’t remember any times when Mom and Dad ever really argued over anything. When they disagreed about something, they would, in a very friendly fashion, go to a back room and discuss it. When they came out afterwards, they came out in a friendly fashion. I don’t think it seriously occurred to me as a child that Mom and Dad might ever strongly disagree about anything. He liked to keep relations on friendly terms.“A scout is courteous.”
Dad was a courteous man. He was respectful and polite toward others, just as his parents had taught him to be. Even when he was at the nursing home those last, difficult years, that was one of the things the staff there would comment on. They would say they could tell, even at that point, that Harold Carter was a gentleman.“A scout is kind.”
Dad was kind to everyone he met. He was the type of person who, when he met an adult with small children, made sure at some point in the conversation that he leaned down and talked directly to the kids. He took the time after church to say “Hello” to the older members of the congregation. He almost always had a dog throughout his life, and it seems important that the last one he chose, instead of being the friendliest or strongest, was one that was most needing a friend. He lived his life in such a way that I’m sure all of us in the room can honestly say that we were better for having known him.“A scout is obedient.”
Dad knew when and how to obey orders. He was an obedient son, an obedient soldier. He was an efficient worker and effective office manager at the shop, where it was necessary for him to know when to give orders and when to obey them. Perhaps most of all, he was an obedient Christian. It was important for him to follow the teachings of his church.“A scout is cheerful.”
Dad had a cheerful outlook on life. I hope you’ve all had a chance to look at the pictures in the entryway of him at the different phases of his life. One common pattern you’ll notice as you look at these pictures is that, right up to the point when he went into the nursing home, he was always smiling. He lived not only a good life, but also a long and happy one.“A scout is thrifty.”
I discovered the most amazing thing when I got to be about high school age. I discovered that we hadn’t had very much money when I was a child. It was a surprise, something that hadn’t really occurred to me before then. When you’re thrifty with your money, as my parents were, it’s possible even when times aren’t easy to do things like buy a really neat green camper and take the family camping in Colorado for a couple of weeks. We kids had a great childhood, one filled with lots of campouts at the State Lake and vacations in the Ozarks, not to mention all three of us getting a college education. These opportunities were only possible because Dad and Mom knew how to be thrifty.“A scout is brave.”
Dad was a member of what some, I think quite accurately, have called the “Greatest Generation.” That fact, in and of itself, says all that needs to be said about his bravery. It was challenging living through the period of the Depression and World War II, not to mention raising three teenagers during the sixties, but Dad and Mom made it through with style and grace. More recently, when Dad and Mom volunteered to take charge of a Sunday School class, they didn’t choose the older kids. No, they choose to take charge of the little ones, the three to five-year-olds. It takes a brave man to willing place himself in charge of a group of a dozen or more three to five-year-old children every Sunday morning! I’d venture to say that there are very few men in this room who would willing doing such a thing. But my dad did it!“A scout is clean.”
This is the only Scout Law that I remember really arguing about when I was a Boy Scout. There just seemed to be something unscout-like about having to promise to stay clean all the time. But it was eventually explained to me that, aside from the obvious lessons in hygiene, this meant it was important to stay clean in spirit. Harold Carter had a clean spirit. He didn’t have the kinds of unresolved issues that some people carry around with them all their lives like excess baggage. He didn’t harbor old resentments or dwell excessively on life’s disappointments. He was forthright in his dealings with others and assumed the same from them.And finally, “A scout is reverent.”
Harold Carter was a Christian. His parents were prominent members of this church, and he attended here his entire life, right up until he was no longer physically able to do so. It is fitting that his memorial service be held in this, his life-long place of worship. His relationship with God was the foundation for everything else in his life, and it was a foundation that served him well.Trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave clean and reverent - that’s how the Boy Scout Law would summarize the life of Harold Carter. But this seems so incomplete. There is much more that needs to be said in order to even begin to summarize Dad’s life, but let me begin by commenting on just three more of Dad’s traits.
First, let’s be frank. Dad was a stubborn man. Now, we could call it something nicer like “persistent,” but I think we all know that, in truth, the appropriate word would have to be “stubborn.” If you’ll look at Mom you’ll notice that she’s nodding. As a matter of fact, if you want to bring a look of terror to Mom’s eyes, just mention the word… “Wisconsin!” Would you like to take a vacation to Wisconsin, Mom? I’ll let her fill in the details, but very briefly, here’s what happened. Dad needed a part for an organ he was working on, so he asked Mom if she wanted to go with him to Wisconsin to get it. This was in the fall, and she’d heard how pretty the autumn trees were in Wisconsin that year and assumed they’d spend several days driving around looking at the sights, so she agree. They left VERY early one morning, the organ crammed into the back and Mom hunched over in the front, and drove straight through before arriving VERY late that night near the place where the shop was located in Wisconsin. The next morning, they got up early for his appointment, where he showed them what he needed and was quickly able to get the organ part. At that point, Mom assumed they would relax and take in some of the sights of Wisconsin, but no, Dad was eager to get home so he could start working on the organ. So instead of sightseeing, they crammed the organ back into the car, with Mom hunched over again in the front, and drove straight back, arriving home VERY late that night. And that was the extent of their vacation in Wisconsin! He could be very focused on what he wanted, and it sometimes just didn’t occur to him to let anything get in the way.
Some of you have heard how he died, and I think it’s appropriate to mention it here. He had fought this final battle that he simply could not win for 10 long years. He had always been a strong, independent man, one who loved being active and outdoors, but he hadn’t been able to talk or walk for many years, hadn’t even been able to speak or feed himself. For a while he was able to communicate by squeezing the hand of the person he was with, but in the end he couldn’t even do that much. After 10 years, there just wasn’t anything left that he could control – except for one thing. He could decide whether he wanted to open his mouth and eat. And so, finally, he decided that enough was enough, and he simply refused to open his mouth. We’d been through this with him several years ago, and that time our decision was to take him to the hospital where tubes were inserted and all that goes with it. This time, however, we decided to not take away his decision. We tried to get him to eat and drink, and at first we were able to occasionally cajole him to take at little something or other. But then he refused to take anything at all. For instance, the morning of the last day, Mom and I were sitting with him when he yawned, and we noticed that he had some gunk there in his mouth. So Mom dipped a little Q-Tip in a refreshing liquid and we tried to put it in his mouth to clean it out a little. As soon as he felt that Q-Tip, however, he went from yawning to suddenly clamping down with his teeth and sticking out his lower jaw, and that was that. We had long ago learned that when he decided he was going to do something, it was usually best to just let him do it instead of trying to stand in his way. And so, in the end, he stubbornly determined his own fate.
There is a second word that I think accurately describes Dad - he was a craftsman. For example, when he was in high school and wanted a canoe, he didn’t look through “for sale” ads and pester his parents to buy him one. No, when he wanted a canoe, he built it. And he didn’t let it discourage him that there were no instructions available for how to go about building a canoe. He just did it anyway. He’d try one thing and, if it didn’t work, he’d try something. He soaked the strips of wood in a nearby pond until he could get them to bend, then he secured them for ribs, bent other pieces to form the sides, sanded-sanded-sanded, covered it with canvas, and there it was. And it worked! I spent many an hour staring up at this canoe as it hung upside down in the garage, and I even got to take a canoe trip with Dad down the Verdigris to Gooseneck Bend when I was in high school, so I know what I’m saying when I say that it was a work of art. It was gorgeous the way the wood curved at just the right angles. And he built it when he was still in high school, at an age where most of the rest of us were lucky to be able to build a functional foot scraper. This was the work of an craftsman!
After he retired, he got interested in restoring antiques. It all started with his Grandma Riggs’ old phonograph machine. It was all in pieces and parts of it were missing, but he took all the parts he could find and purchased more odds and ends at auctions and got it to work. Then he started in on restoring the outside, and when he was done it was perfect! And then he did another phonograph, and another. And then he got interested in restoring antique pump organs and harmoniums. He’d spend the whole day making one tiny part to go in the mechanism so that an instrument that maybe hadn’t worked in 50 years would be brought back to life. Then he’d restore the outside, stripping off the old varnish and bringing out the colors in the wood, replacing the cloth, repainting the designs, and when he was done it would look and sound like it had just come out of the factory! His last major project was restoring a melodeon for Dr. and Mrs. Wilson, and it was probably the most challenging of any – not because it was the hardest, but because he had lost so many of his abilities by that point. And yet, with his last bit of concentrated energy, he finished it. This is how an craftsman lives his life, and so I think it is important when remembering who Dad was to honor his artistic abilities.
There is so much more to say about Dad. For instance, he enjoyed all things in nature, and he could identify almost any bird or animal, flower or tree, rock or fossil brought to him. He began looking for arrowheads when he was a boy, and eventually had gathered an impressive collection of Native American artifacts. He enjoyed gardening, and he began to use organic techniques on his vegetables and fruit trees long before they became popular elsewhere. He liked bringing us a bowl of ice cream or popcorn as we sat in the evening watching t.v. in the living room. His favorite color was brown. And on and on.
If I could choose just one more word to describe Dad, however, I would choose the word “loving.” Harold Carter was a loving man, and nowhere was this more obvious than with his wife and family. Just to give a small indication, I wrote a poem last year that records something that happened last Valentine’s Day between Mom and Dad, and I’d like to recite it for you now. It’s called…
The Stubbornly Loving Old Man On Valentine’s Day in the home
She wheeled him to the big room
Where nurses had set out candy and cake
To honor the love that once bloomed.But he didn’t seem to notice.
He didn’t notice much in those days.
Alzheimer’s hand had slowly erased him
Leaving barely a trace.She wondered how it could be 58 years.
She wondered at all that they’d shared.
She wondered how long it had been since a sign
Showed that he could still care.I’ll tell you how one of my heroes
Did more than anyone can.
Though all else had left all, all else was gone,
He was a stubbornly loving old man.As she fed him his cake his eyes were closed.
Did he even know she was near?
A nurse sat beside her and said, “Let me feed him that.
We fixed you a treat over there.”They’d made her a Valentine’s special,
And he wouldn’t know anyway,
So she took up the offer, the kindness it brought her,
And handed the cake away.But from somewhere deep down inside him
Something noticed the change.
This wasn’t the woman holding the cake
Who had held it on their wedding day!So he clinched his teeth in protest,
And his lip jutted out from the jaw
Until finally the nurse gave up and left
Saying, “Well! No cake for him after all.”She wondered how it could be 58 years.
She wondered at all that they shared.
She wondered if stubbornness could be a sign
That showed he could still care.She searched his face for an answer,
Although there was no reason to try.
But she knows that sometimes what we see rightly
Comes more from the heart than the eye.So she picked up the cake from the table
And lifted it gently above,
And he opened up wide for his Valentine’s treat
From the hand of the one he still loved.That’s how one of my heroes
Did more than anyone can.
Though all else had left him, all else was gone,
He was a stubbornly loving old man.On his honor, Harold Carter did his best to do his duty to God and his country. He obeyed the Scout Law. He helped other people at all times. He kept himself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.
Way to go, Dad.
Eulogy presented June 25th, 2001, by Larry Carter
1) Return to Carter Genealogy Index
2) Harold's Eulogy
3) Harold William Carter
4) Harold's Parents
5) Harold's Grandparents
6) Harold's Great-grandparents
7) Harold's GreatX2-grandparents
8) Harold's GreatX3-grandparents
9) Harold's GreatX4-grandparents
10) Harold's GreatX5-grandparents