Hey, you've found my quotes page, probably accidentally but do stay a while, it might make you smile and that's got to be worth it!!
Here are SG1 quotes I've been busy collecting but at the there are links to other sci-fi quotes, feel free to go to whichever page you're most interested in and HAVE FUN!
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This wasn't my idea, that belongs to Hannah Thomas, the original quotes are hers the rest are submitted by lots of different people...please add your own. Leave it in my guest book (on the main page) or E-mail either me or Hannah.
The orginal by Hannah Thomas, hecate892@hotmail.com Doesn't Stargate just make you laugh? (In a good way). Here's a collection of the funniest things people say (in my opinion):
RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
Jack: Is everyone clear on that, Daniel?
Daniel: What?
Jack: Good.
DEAD MAN'S SWITCH
Jack: And? So? But? Therefore?
BANE
Teal'c: Remove yourself from my path.
Jack: Permission to beat the crap out of this guy?
Maybourne: It's a court-martial offense to strike an officer.
Jack: I'm not gonna hit you, Maybourne. I'm gonna shoot you.
HOLIDAY
Daniel: I don't have a sister Jack, but if I did I wouldn't let you near her.
Submitted by Kattia_rose
Jack-"ya think?"
Sam-"Yes, sir all the time."
Sam-"Holy Hannah"
Sam-"the Asguard had this big new ship called the O'Neill."
Jack-"Oh yeah?"
Sam-"But we had to blow it up."
Submitted by EnglishChick
Teal'c: One small step for Jaffa.
Kinsey: We are, afterall, one nation under God
Daniel: And you think God is going to save you?
POLITICS
Submitted by denise
Sam's: I thought about doing my living room like this but it wouldn't go with my sofa THE BROCA DIVIDE
Sam: I haven't been to church in a while FAMILY
My personal fav Sam: you're sure ya betcha
Submitted by Becky, Bekybob13@aol.com
Sam: Maybourne, you are an 'idiot', every day of the week, why couldn't you have
just taken one day off?!"
FOOTHOLD
Submitted by Bongo, llc2001@aol.com
Sam sort of said something funny/sarcastic in the season 4 opener. Right before she takes off with Thor to help defeat the replicators
Jack: "I don't know Carter, you may not be dumb enough."
Sam: "I think I can handle it sir."
Submitted by Maria, maria8475@hotmail.com (ME!!)
Jack: Carter wants to get a closer look with some of her specialised do-hickeys.
Hammond: Do-hickeys?
Jack: I believe that's the technical term, sir.
TOUCHSTONE
Daniel: Jack?
Jack: Daniel?
Daniel: Are you you?
Jack: yeah, you?
Daniel: What?
Jack: Never mind.
SPIRITS
Daniel: "Oh you're right we'll just upload a computer virus in the mother ship" Okay so that's only funny if you've seen Independance Day. POLITICS
Jack: Hypnosis??...You know I'm not a big fan of that bark like a chicken, cluck like a dog stuff. FIRE AND WATER.
And my absolute fave (drum roll please) Daniel: Uh Oh, I think I'm dead! THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD.
Submitted by Monica Esquibel, dantesinferno77@juno.com
"Didn't you think it was strange when you got through security with a
loaded gun?"
"A little."
"You never were that bright."
"No."
--Daniel & Jack, "ABSOLUTE POWER"
"Well then . . . to hell with us!" --Jack, "JOLINAR'S MEMORIES"
submitted by Christina King, myduck_me@yahoo.com
"Didn't I order you to get a life?" --Jack O'Neill, 'THE OTHER SIDE'
"How far is Ilarus anyway?"
"Several billion miles away."
"That's gotta be a record."
--O'Neill and Teal'c, 'WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY'
"Excuse me George"
"Colonel, what are you doing out of uniform?"
"Handing you my resignation"
"Resigning? What for?"
"So I can do this..."
--O'Neill, Hammond, Carter, 'WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY'
Submitted by: Martje Graham, starling@blksheep.demon.co.uk
One of my faves:
Jack - All right, I gotta know. What the hell does "kree" mean?
Daniel - Well, actually, it means a lot of things. Um, loosely translated it
means "attention", "listen up", "concentrate"...
Jack - "Yoo-hoo"??
Daniel - Yes, in a manner of speaking.
POV
Submitted by Linsey, linsey_sg1@angelfire.com
Hammond: It's not our world. Is it really any of our concern?
Teal'c: The destruction of the hammer device to save my life may have
caused this. If so, I am responsible.
O'Neill: General, I gave the order.
Daniel: And i fired the staff at the machine.
Sam: And I... was there.
THOR'S CHARIOT.
Daniel: Direct translation - very cool THE TOKRA
Daniel: The monk is just someone whose taken up curatorship.
Jack: Kind of a janitor?
Daniel: More like a guide
Jack: An usher?
Daniel: It doesn't matter.
MATERNAL INSTINCTS
Teal'c: Appearances may be deceiving.
Jack: One man's floor is another man's ceiling.
Daniel: A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.
Jack: Never run with... scizzors?
URGO
Jack: I know general, it's all funa nd games until someone breaks a nail. URGO
Jack: and this just came to you?
Daniel: no, actually, it came to me while I was suffocating.
PRISONERS
Daniel: This tastes like chicken.
Sam: So what's wrong with it?
Daniel: It's macaronni and cheese. FIRST COMMANDMENT
Jack: or?
Sam: I can't think of an or at the moment, sir.
Daniel: no or?
Jack: there's an or.
Daniel: There's an or?
Sam: Sir, you can't just will something to happen because you want it to be a certain way.
Jack: Captain, where there's a will there's an or... way. 1969
Submitted by Jess, Jessica.meats@btinternet.com
Hammond: Do you know what colour this phone is?
TOUCHSTONE.
Daniel: I thought that shot killed me. I mean, I thought I was dead. Wasn't I dead? Somehow I thought
heaven would be more upscale than this.
THE NOX
Daniel: I'm real. I'm not a halucination.
Nick: All halucinations say that, Daniel. CRYSTALS SKULL
Jack: But what does that have to do with filming plants?
Daniel: Exactly!
Jack: What does that mean?
Daniel: I don't know! ONE FALSE STEP
Jack: Somehow I seem to have lost the falatus to speak properly. That wasn't a joke, I didn't do that on purpose. THE FIFTH RACE
Cromwell: The Pentagon believe this facility to have been overrun with alien hostiles.
Jack: And they sent you? A MATTER OF TIME.
Jack: With no due respect, sir, that's just plain stupid! SHAEDS OF GREY.
Jack: Come to colect your vastly superior stuff? You know, it would be a lot more superior if it wasn't so easy to steal. SHADES OF GREY
Jack: We came to Earth to hide among your people a long, long time ago.
Daniel: From a galaxy far, far away. 1969
I'm sure I had more than that earlier. Oh well, this'll have to do. Jess Submitted by Kernal Jack, from his page....It's in my links on the main page. I labelled the episodes though so all the mistakes and ones I missed out......my fault...feel free to help fill in the blanks.
Daniel: Well maybe you could try coming up with something better than inappropriate sarcasm.
Jack: You want sarcasm? Nice to meet you. ONE SMALL STEP.
Daniel: Well I think this might be important.
Jack: Well I think yoiu might be losing what's left of your mind.
Daniel: What's that supposed to mean.
Jack: It means that on a good day, you can be a little...flaky
Daniel: And on a good day you can be a little ignorant and condescending ONE SMALL STEP
Jack: Whole boxes of material could be missing.
Daniel: No, the Pentagon said this was everything.
Jack: Oh please, the Pentagon's lost entire countries. TORMENT OF TANTULUS
Daniel: How is it that you always come up with the worse case scenario.
Jack: I practice
Jack: If you don't make it can I have your stereo? ENEMY WITHIN
Jack (talking about Apophis and his Jaffa): I always get a happy tingly feeling when I see those guys. THE NOX
Jack: I think I cracked a rib too.
Sam: Why didn't you say something.
Jack: I was afraid you'd try to put a splint on it. SOLITUDES
Jack(to Daniel): Surprisingly difficult to kill you, isn't it? NEED???
Bra'tac: Now, we die!
Jack: That's a bad plan. THE SERPENT'S LAIR??
Hammond: Colonel, the United states is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs.
Jack: Since when Sir.
Rothman: This is ridiculous, I'm not a Goa'uld.
Jack: Why didn't you say so? could have just straightened this whole thing out. THE FIRST ONES
Daniel(whilst being tested by Thor): I don't suppose this is the best time to bring up my problem with heights. THOR'S CHAROIT
Jack:Lucy...I'm home.
Teal'c: I am not Lucy
Jack: I know that it was a reference to an old......never mind, open the door.
Teal'c: I can not be certain you are back to being yourself.....you referred to me as 'Lucy' THE BROCA DIVIDE
Teal'c: What is an oprah?
Teal'c: Things will not calm down DanielJackson, they will in fact calm up.
Teal'c: I have seen your world, I will need it! (To General Hammond when he refuses to allow Teal'c to take his staff weapon off base.)
Teal'c (just finished flicking through TV channels): Your world is a strange place.
Daniel: So's yours.
Jack: So what's your impression of Alar?
Teal'c: He is concealing something.
Jack: Like what?
Teal'c: I am unsure, he is concealing it.
Rothman: I'm not too good at people. They're too recent. (sometimes I think I know exactly how he feels!!...well before the whole Goa'uld thing!) THE FIRST ONES
DEMONS
Jack: You'd think they never saw a guy raise from the dead before.
Jack: Major, next time Daniel wants to help someone, shoot him.
Daniel: Well they didn't call it the Dark Ages because it was dark.
MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE
Jack: Permission to barge in, sir?
Teal'c: Undomesticated equines could not keep me away.
Jack: It's wild horses, Teal'c....Oh, that was a joke.
LEARNING CURVE
Jack: So Mehrin, you're a reactor expert?
Mehrin: Yes.
Jack: How old are you?
Mehrin: 11. How old are you?
Jack: So Mehrin, you're a reactor expert.
POV
Jack: So you mean in some alternate reality there's a version of me that actually has a
clue what you're on about?
TOUCHSTONE
Jack: We came here in peace. We intend to go in one....piece.
1969
Jack: My name is Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise.....Actually my
name's not Kirk, it's Skywalker, Luke Skywalker.
THE GAMEKEEPER
Daniel: Flowers. *Sneeze* Way too many flowers.
THE FIFTH RACE
Jack: No I didn't.
Daniel: Yes you did.
Jack: No I didn't.
Daniel: Yes you did.
Jack: Didn't.
Daniel: Did.
Jack: Didn't.
Daniel: Did.